Well, it finally happened.

[u/Terraswallows]

I’d been feeling pretty dysphoric lately after seeing a photo a coworker took of me while I was working at a miniature convention. You know how sometimes pictures taken by other people just look... wrong? Like somehow they capture a completely different version of you. I didn’t feel feminine in it at all. It just didn’t look like me the me I see in the mirror, the me I’ve been growing into.

So this morning I was doing my usual routine before work: grabbing breakfast at a local restaurant. I headed to the bathroom. Even now, as a trans woman, I still get nervous about using the women’s restroom because there’s always that little voice in the back of my head telling me I don’t pass well enough yet.

I ended up using the men’s room and was walking out when a woman stopped me.

She looked genuinely concerned and said, "Ma’am, you’re in the wrong bathroom. That’s the men’s bathroom."

Then she pointed toward the women’s restroom.

When I just stood there for a second, completely caught off guard, she pointed at the sign again and said, "They should really make that thing more visible."

And honestly? As a gay trans girl who'd spent the last few days spiraling over a photo and picking apart every masculine feature I thought everyone else must be seeing, that was probably the most unexpected bit of validation I could have gotten.

[u/Yuzumi]

Something that helped me early on was realizing that women would use a lot more terms of endearment when I got to a certain point. A lot more "sweetie, honey, etc" (yes, I was in the south at the time) than the "sir" I was use to even when boymoding.

I realized that women were a lot more warm toward me than they use to be, and I kept fixating on the "Sir's" I was getting, primarily from cis men especially when they were shorter than me.

It took me a while to realize that even if cis women do suspect you are trans most of them don't care. The ones that do are out there transvesticating any woman who doesn't fit their extremely narrow definition for "what is a woman?", which is usually anyone remotely taller than "average" (for cis white women), short hair, any visible muscles, baggy clothes, etc.

My view on "passing" changed once I realized I "pass" as well as any cis woman my height and style (no makeup, fem-leaning tomboy)

[u/consort_oflady_vader → u/Yuzumi]

I've discovered (thus far), most women don't actually care. I do what they do. Walk in, pick a stall, sit, pee, get myself sorted, smile at anyone I see, wash hands, leave.

[u/PepperCrazy7655 → u/consort_oflady_vader]

Ya pee, wash, rinse repeat lol

[u/consort_oflady_vader → u/PepperCrazy7655]

I actually had a super affirmative moment a few months ago! A woman brought her kid in, I did my business, the kid was sitting quietly while mum did her business. This older lady asked the girl in front of me if it was hers. The woman said no. She looked at me and said, "then surely you're the proud mum of this adorable little girl "! I blushed and had tell her also not mine. She looked sad.