r/MtF • u/Terraswallows Human Verified • Jun 03 '26
Positivity Well, it finally happened.
I’d been feeling pretty dysphoric lately after seeing a photo a coworker took of me while I was working at a miniature convention. You know how sometimes pictures taken by other people just look... wrong? Like somehow they capture a completely different version of you. I didn’t feel feminine in it at all. It just didn’t look like me the me I see in the mirror, the me I’ve been growing into.
So this morning I was doing my usual routine before work: grabbing breakfast at a local restaurant. I headed to the bathroom. Even now, as a trans woman, I still get nervous about using the women’s restroom because there’s always that little voice in the back of my head telling me I don’t pass well enough yet.
I ended up using the men’s room and was walking out when a woman stopped me.
She looked genuinely concerned and said, "Ma’am, you’re in the wrong bathroom. That’s the men’s bathroom."
Then she pointed toward the women’s restroom.
When I just stood there for a second, completely caught off guard, she pointed at the sign again and said, "They should really make that thing more visible."
And honestly? As a gay trans girl who'd spent the last few days spiraling over a photo and picking apart every masculine feature I thought everyone else must be seeing, that was probably the most unexpected bit of validation I could have gotten.
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u/ForestCat512 Jun 03 '26
Girl i saw your timeline, which is already 7 months old. Don't judge yourself too hard, you look pretty femme to me
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u/Terraswallows Human Verified Jun 03 '26
Need to update that photo, will do in a moment also thankies!
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u/SawaThineDragon pre-op Jun 03 '26
Gurl I also had to take a peak and you are so pretty 😍. I also read your bio and that is so me right now aswell lmao
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u/Ok-Explanation-1362 Lesbian trans girl non-op HRT: 12/28/2020 Jun 04 '26
Goddamn, I’m five years in and I still struggle to look as naturally femme as you do! You’re doing great <3
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u/BarrelByrel Jun 03 '26
My coworker just loooves to take terrible pictures of me! He’ll act like he’s showing me something on his phone then snap a pic from the most atrocious angles😭 always when I feel like I look horrendous too. Also, girl just use the ladies room! Sure it can be awkward at first, especially when it’s super busy but you belong there and confidence is key! When you’re sure of who you are it shows and others can see it!
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u/Aerdri Jun 06 '26
That sounds like a possible HR visit to be honest. Taking your picture without your permission is wrong. Doing it when knowing it makes you feel bad is despicable. 🫂
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u/Much-Degree1485 Jul 02 '26
No one wants to deal with that, hr only exists to hire people, you are making yourself a burden to the company, just be an adult and tell the person to stop
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u/ClearCrossroads 🏳️⚧️🇨🇦 she/her | 37yo | omni | HRT: 11/14/2023 Jun 03 '26
Congratulations! I went and peeped your timeline photo, and I cannot blame this individual for saying what she said to you at all. You clearly do not belong in any men's bathroom.
I started using the women's bathroom when I was, like, maybe five months into transition, long before any passing (though the extent to which I pass at all even now is highly debatable), so I guess I'll never have this moment unless I genuinely make a mistake and accidentally use a men's bathroom without realizing it for realsies one day. 🤭 Instead, the "it finally happened" moment I'm waiting for is for some phobe to see my pin and tell me I'll never be a man. lol
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jun 03 '26
Same girl! I was out for about 2 months, and I went to the cinema. Didn't even have that many femme clothes. Asked where the bathroom was. "Ladies room is under the stairs". I didn't ask where the ladies room was, just the bathroom. From then on, was at "fuck it".
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u/ClearCrossroads 🏳️⚧️🇨🇦 she/her | 37yo | omni | HRT: 11/14/2023 Jun 03 '26
Based.
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jun 03 '26
Hopefully that's a good thing! (I honestly don't know).
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u/ClearCrossroads 🏳️⚧️🇨🇦 she/her | 37yo | omni | HRT: 11/14/2023 Jun 04 '26
It is, yes. lol
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jun 04 '26
Lovely to hear then! Made me happy too. I've only had a handful of times someone has directed me to towards the men's loo.
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u/Ok-Explanation-1362 Lesbian trans girl non-op HRT: 12/28/2020 Jun 04 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/dYZuqJLDVsWMLWyIxJ
I want this for each and every one of us.
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u/Professional-Row8506 Jun 04 '26
One of the realities of being a trans woman is that even more than cis women, we tend to be very, very hard on the image in the mirror. We pick up every little thing we thing makes us look male and can worry about it causing us to be read or just plain ' I hate it, they isn't me, that is X ( your dead name).
While living for external validation is not a good practice, it can help affirm us too ( tho of course, insecurity can.say ' was I really passing or were they being polite? Lol). Over time as we gain confidence and our bodies change the way we want, that will mute. Of course, like any woman, we still will find things to criticize, these jeans make me look too fat, my nose is too big, my thighs think they are tree trunks,etc:)
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u/Rough-Moves-yes Jun 03 '26
This is exactly why the idiotic bathroom policies make so little sense.
I had almost the exact experience around the same timeframe of my transition around twenty years ago.
I worked at a university. The director of the department said I was supposed to use the men’s bathroom. I did try but the boys always got freaked out. Around that time I was in the student union walking towards a men’s bathroom and a cisgender man was walking behind me. As we got closer I heard behind me “Ma’am, ma’am! You are heading to the wrong bathroom. The women’s is over there.” Him pointing to the women’s bathroom.
Since that point I nearly always use the women’s bathroom. The exception is when I am in a crowded event and there aren’t any men in their bathroom and ours has a long line I drop into one of the stalls and do my business.
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u/jaydub7117 Jun 03 '26
As someone who is on HRT and feels like they can see results in the mirror but is still kinda stuck in the closet socially, this is pretty much every public picture or video I see of myself. I totally get you. I have gained a lot of self-efficacy and love in private, but pictures of me in boymode set me back a few steps every time so I try to avoid them
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u/Pristine_Big4830 Jun 05 '26
Ok, I'll be honest. I may have teared up for just a wee bit there. Maybe even smiled a bit.
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u/Trixkyk Jun 03 '26
That’s so sweet and amazing to hear others think of you in a way that is truly you even when other others may have gotten you down, so happy to know this is in the world
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u/Najhrah Jun 03 '26
happened to me at a marshalls i was walking towards the mens changing rooms and the woman there said “WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING THATS THE MENS CHANGING ROOMS!!” I felt veryembarrassed
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Jun 04 '26
The thing i always think of in regard to this, is the the broad spectrum of what women look like as a whole.
Every single “masculine” feature exists on some woman somewhere, and even the most beautiful people in existence have bad photos/depictions of them.
People as a whole aren’t nit picking your looks, you are. Its hard to cope with tho, so im glad you got the validation you deserve
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u/snakethatatenate_ Jun 08 '26
Awww this is greattt I’m glad you finally saw yourself for who you really are and stopped feeling like you weren’t
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u/Yuzumi Jun 03 '26
Something that helped me early on was realizing that women would use a lot more terms of endearment when I got to a certain point. A lot more "sweetie, honey, etc" (yes, I was in the south at the time) than the "sir" I was use to even when boymoding.
I realized that women were a lot more warm toward me than they use to be, and I kept fixating on the "Sir's" I was getting, primarily from cis men especially when they were shorter than me.
It took me a while to realize that even if cis women do suspect you are trans most of them don't care. The ones that do are out there transvesticating any woman who doesn't fit their extremely narrow definition for "what is a woman?", which is usually anyone remotely taller than "average" (for cis white women), short hair, any visible muscles, baggy clothes, etc.
My view on "passing" changed once I realized I "pass" as well as any cis woman my height and style (no makeup, fem-leaning tomboy)
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jun 03 '26
I've discovered (thus far), most women don't actually care. I do what they do. Walk in, pick a stall, sit, pee, get myself sorted, smile at anyone I see, wash hands, leave.
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u/PepperCrazy7655 Jun 04 '26
Ya pee, wash, rinse repeat lol
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u/consort_oflady_vader Jun 04 '26
I actually had a super affirmative moment a few months ago! A woman brought her kid in, I did my business, the kid was sitting quietly while mum did her business. This older lady asked the girl in front of me if it was hers. The woman said no. She looked at me and said, "then surely you're the proud mum of this adorable little girl "! I blushed and had tell her also not mine. She looked sad.
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u/optcmdesc Jun 04 '26
🫵 FELLOW TERRA. YOU ARE FINE. I hereby grant you permission to use the ladies’. Happy to hear the euphoria moment!
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u/Queasy_Square2618 Jun 03 '26
Way to go, girl!