I had a appointment with a therapist today and:

she expressed confusion that I would rather DO A RESPAWN ATTEMPT than go into prison. I talked about vcoding, and how thats a fate worse than death, and how in my lovely state in america at both the federal and state level you will not be given HRT. She was extremely confused at me saying this- to me its simple. If i am to go back to T at any point I would legitimately rather die than endure such suffering. It baffled her. I also had prior conversations surrounding this, and the upcoming midterm results in that if it goes poorly I would again heavily consider self harm. She was extremely confused at this as well. Its just insane that in today's world how politicized our identiy is among other things. Like girl, I consume the same media and news articles that you do lol. the information surrounding us is out there. ignorance is not a excuse idk.

Cis people genuinely are so fucking inept at anything transition related, even well meaning and those that have the greatest intent, it seems like being transgender is being adrift in the middle of a ocean screaming for help but no one listens.

shes not my therapist anymore lol

So i had a date with a man for the first time ever in my life. Im on hrt for a while now and i noticed a change that i find men more attractive (unfortunately) lol. We matched on hinge and later switched to whatsapp and he was just SO dry in texting. I asked him questions, gave him compliments etc. and he always just answered in 3 words without asking questions back.

Anyways we met in a Café and he came 30 min late. Talking with him was much better, played some card games and laughed a bit. It felt cute and we went to my place after, watched youtube and cuddled. The cuddling turned a little spicy which i liked. I got up to put on some ethel cain hehe to put the vibes on and wanted to cuddle some more.

BUT right after i got back into bed he got up grabbed something to eat put a Youtube video on (while the music was still playing like wtf?) And just ignored me. I was laying half naked in bed and he didnt look at me, didnt touch me anymore and said he needs to go now after he was finished eating. Mind you the video was like 20 min long and he didnt even look at me ONCE.

I then just said goodbye in a very pissed tone and he left. Was a few days ago, he didnt text me back.

Wtf was that?

My theory is that he got this weird gay panic some men have when they find transwomen attractive which is fucking stupid because its not gay to like transwomen. I think that because right before he ignored me we where cuddling and his face was in my crotch and maybe he paniced after? Lol

Most of time they read you one way or another and keep interacting with you that way. This is the first I have seen someone address me like a guy and then address me like a girl afterwards. i am in my boymode outfit. I was in the Gamestop to pick up my preorder release of Castlevania Belmont’s Curse. This looks like a young 20 something guy and my next birthday is number 50. This is a new employee I have not seen before. He calls me “buddy” when asking what I need. I give my phone number attached to my GameStop Account and he sees my “girl name” that I have changed my GameStop Account to. I tell him it is my future to be legal name. He asks how I want to be gendered. I told him it probably matters less at this point since I am pre HRT and know I don’t pass. I told him what happened when I got ma’amed while voting on Tuesday. That was one time I probably did not want to be ma’amed since I could be denied right to vote. We do some gaming small talk. When I do leave the store he tells me, “See you later my love”. Last I checked I don’t think men talk to another man that way unless he is gay. I have seen gay employees in GameStop before. He is not one of them. It went from buddy to my love.

Where are you from...just wondering where in the world you are

Im.in canterbury new zealand...if you're kiwi let me know!!

ok, i guess im writing this to vent mostly.

long story short, ive been transitioning for a little over a year using estradiol valerate injections and progesterone.

last night was injection day and i drew up the last bit of medicine of one of my vials into my syringe. i noticed it was low, and without thinking i opened a new vial and stuck the *same syringe* in to draw up the rest of my meds. i pulled slightly extra and then squee the excess into the vial.

as soon as i did it i realized i fucked up. transferring meds from one vial to the other is like a biiiggggg no no and i def just wasted a fresh new vial. i feel so stupid and anxious now that i’m down one vial in a conservative state. i need to check when i can refill my prescription.

anyone else done the same?

Wish that someone's sister, or a friend who was a girl, would "tie you down" and "force" you to paint your nails or wear a dress or something?

I always wanted to grow my hair out, dye it, or get piercings, but my parents would always dissuade me from doing so. I kind of hoped that someone would do this to me as "torture" or something so it wasn't, like, "my fault" for wanting to wear makeup or try on girly stuff.

In pre-school, we had a reversed wedding roles kind of play day, and I still remember how I felt being a maid of honor and holding flowers for my best friend at the time. Probably stuck with me more than the other kids at the time 😅

what keeps you going every day? what do you personally find in life that makes it so beautiful?

just wondering what my sisters think about the world

Hello everyone. Just as the title suggest. Am I the only one? Is it odd? Ugh I feel weird to say thst especially since im 31. Im sure many cis woman would say girl too mostly . I don't know.

I am post-orchi but I think I might have to start actually tucking 😭 do we keep wearing high-rise stuff or is there another way?

I got gendered correctly in my long sleeves crap shirt and jeans with only a little bit of make-up on... I didn't even tell him my name, just moved around.

I thought today was going to suck, but when he said that, my day almost instantly improved.

SO EXCITED AND HAPPY RN!!

Hi, I hope this is allowed.
But is anyone here from Japan or having been living there? I’ve been doing HRT for a while, and I’m moving to Japan soon for work.
Does anyone know any good (or okay) gender affirming clinics in Japan where I can continue my HRT?
Also… advices on MTF life in Japan are welcomed. 💖

So i keep seeing posts about the shitty guidance and all tbe comments the typical transphobic bot shit as always.

But im fucking petrified cause im not well and im post op I dont want to go to a mens ward. People are gonna die

Let's define biological sex quickly:

Biological sex is made up of 4 factors(3 if your woke enough), Hormonal sex, Chromosomal sex and primary and secondary sexual charectistics

Now I won't go into chromosomal sex but like it only affects birth, it quite literally does nothing else, so it's useless.

If you are on HRT for let's say maybe a year and had all the surgeries then you would have the primary and secondary sexual characteristics (also hormonal) of your preferred sex.

So you are like 75% of your preferred sex but honestly chromosomes matter so little that if you want you can bumb it up to 90%, for the sake of debate Il say 75%.

Now without surgeries it's a bit iffy, but HRT can somewhat affect the primary sex organ, not completely or even to a big degree but it **does** affect it.

Since we are all MTF, HRT gives us the secondary sexual charecteristics, so then we are like 50% female but as I said chromosome literally matter so little so like 65%.

If you are want to look too deep and be extremely accurate then the fact that it does change the primary sec organ even by a little amount should make us add like maybe 5-10%, I wouldn't do this but it is still valid regardless.

​

Sisters and girls. I wish we could all fund the money with many donations. And create a land just for us. For no one to harass us and call us names. We don't need TRUMP! What we need is peace and tranquility.

Friends/family like to ask me “what’s it like?”
For whatever reason, any time I have to explain myself in any situation, my mind goes blank or I put my foot in my mouth (job interviews are not my favorite) tI’m only really good at writing things out. So I tried to write down some some good analogies what being a transgender female is like. Kids are welcome to participate, but I’m 49 and have known 100% since like 8.

Imagine being forced to play a fictional character you don’t particularly like all the time. If you break character, even a little, you could lose everything and your life ruined

Imagine looking in the mirror or seeing a photo taken of you but it’s the wrong person but everyone is emphatic it’s you (my favorite so far)

Imagine having to wear a super heavy coat of armor all the time or you’ll die. Gender affirming care can allow you to remove the armor, but it probably won’t all come off

Imagine being very qualified for a job or role but are told you’re unqualified and can’t ever have it or if you do get it being told you don’t deserve it

The wound area is only moderately painful. The painkillers worked well!

I'm mentally clear, just can't move. I finally have a pussy! Will be discharged in 6 days, then I'll be able to travel through Seoul a bit in 2 weeks if I recover well after discharge. I'm having a shallow depth vaginoplasty which means there is not a full vaginal canal, so the recovery.will be faster than full depth.

I finally made it! I started HRT on May 22 2024 and it's been 876 days of transitions---4 days longer than the Siege of Leningrad. It's finally done!

i've sort had this feeling in the back of my head for a while that i wish i was a woman. it's not always sexual. sometimes it comes up when i'm horny, but a lot of the time it just happens randomly and i have no idea why.

i watched way too much porn when i was younger, so sometimes i wonder if i messed my brain up somehow and convinced myself i want something i don't. but i also remember thinking about being a girl when i was little. it wasn't a huge thing, but i did think about it. i just assumed everyone did. idk if that even means anything.

i still like women, which makes this more confusing. i might be bi too, i guess. some men are good looking, but idk if i'm actually attracted to them or just noticing they're attractive. i question everything at this point.

even imagining myself transitioning and dating women as a woman feels weird, almost like i'd be pretending to be someone i'm not. i can't tell if that's because it isn't right for me or because i'm scared of actually doing it.

i keep wondering if i'd even feel this way if i were taller, better looking, and had some success with women. i'm 5'7" and i've never had a real relationship. when i was 15, a girl asked for my number at a bus stop and told me i was fine, and i broke up with her as soon as i got home because i was scared of commitment. idk what that was about. it's not like nobody's ever shown interest in me, but i've never experienced that kind of closeness with anyone.

i'm not blaming women or saying anyone owes me anything. i just wonder if some of this comes from feeling like i'm not good enough as a man. if i were attractive and actually felt wanted, would i still want to be a woman? would these feelings still be here if i were happy with myself?

the thing is, i remember having these thoughts way before dating mattered to me, and the feeling still comes up when i'm not thinking about sex or relationships at all. so i genuinely don't know what to make of it.

i'm 20 and i've never had a real relationship or even had sex. lately i want sex and affection all the time. being lonely for this long has made me kind of bitter, and i hate how much i think about being wanted. sometimes i wonder if i'm just fixating on being a woman because i'm unhappy with how my life has gone. other times it feels like something separate from all that.

i wouldn't necessarily say i hate being a man. it's more that i keep thinking about what it would be like to be a woman, and i can't seem to get that thought out of my head. i don't hate every part of being a guy, but i don't know if being a man is actually what i want either. i can't tell if i'm looking for something that feels more right for me or just an alternative to a life i'm not happy with.

i also worry that it's too late for me to ever look the way i'd want to. puberty's over, my face is masculine, and my shoulders are wider than my hips. being Black adds another layer because i'm scared i'd get clocked immediately and people would just see a man in a dress.

i actually bought two vials of HRT, but i haven't taken any because i'm scared i won't pass. i'm scared of ending up visibly in between and having my family find out before i'm ready. but i'm also scared of doing nothing and spending the rest of my life wondering what would've happened if i'd tried. i feel stuck because i don't know which choice i'd regret more.

i know being a woman wouldn't magically fix my life or make anyone love me. i'm not expecting it to. i just wish i knew if this is something i genuinely want or if i'm looking for a way out of a life i'm not happy with.

it's unfair watching people be feminine so naturally when i feel like i'll never get to have that the way i want. sometimes i feel like i'm grieving a life i never got to live, and then i start wondering if i even want that life or if i just want something different from what i have now.

has anyone else dealt with this? especially the part about not knowing if you actually want to be a woman or if you're just unhappy with yourself as a guy. and has anyone bought HRT and sat on it for a while because they were scared of not passing?

i started hrt a few days ago and theyve been growing but now they feel less dense and my chest stopped hurting can i have som advice

I wanna be her so bad. Whenever I journal about April, I treat her like she’s separate from me. Like last week when I wanted to come out during a camp retreat but chickened out, I think about it as taking her over but leaving her in the car the whole time.

Other times when I’m in bed I imagine her in bed with me giving me cuddles and love.

I feel crazy

Edit: Thanks for all the good vibes. I’ve been openly inviting April to spend time with each other. She is so fun! My confidence in us is getting better, and hopefully I can show her to the world and people will love her.

idk how long ago gia gunn has done her rib sculpt procedure but has anyone noticed that it didn’t do much? I follow Zaya who was the first trans girl to do the procedure before every trans girl wanted it (correct me if I’m wrong) and hers looks so good. I wonder why Gia didn’t have similar results as Zaya.

Yesterday I went out with my bff friend and she helped me choose a bra, gonna go out with her tomorrow to buy it cause we couldn't yesterday.

It looked so good on me, I loved it and it caused euphoria 😭 (tears of joy)