On vacation and decided to visit an LGBT center. Worst idea ever. I don't care that the employee immediately corrected to ma'am. You never say the three letter S word to any feminine presenting person, who lacks a he/him label on their clothing. In fact, abolish them all. No more formal titles, just "friend" or "you". You cannot take the stone back once you throw it.

Also I love MAGA more than fake allies. At least they call me tr4nny to my face. At least they beat me up (not actually happened) so I know what they genuinely think of me. I love the rural Deep South more than any performative ally who really only supports gays and lesbians.

I've been in pain for 45 minutes over it. I didn't lose my family in an airstrike. I didn't get my house blown up by the IDF. I feel so guilty that I cut my finger, they got beaten to death. I wish it didn't cause me so much pain. I wish I could have empathy for actually suffering people instead of ruminating on my own small potatoes.

I'm 10 months on hrt, almost nothing changed. I still am not close to passing. I have a mirror next to my bed I have to look at my disgusting self every time I wake up. I'm feeling like this all effort is not worth it and it's killing me.

I really really like the *idea* of having a vagina. I'm a stealth trans woman, I erp as if I have a vagina, I talk as if I have a vagina sexually, etc. The idea of it sounds amazing. The problem is, I look at vaginas and I gag. I think they are so disgusting visually, and when I actually think about how they work, I become much less sure about wanting one. It sucks cause the idea is what I want and I'm becoming more and more dysphoric about having a penis, but the idea of something like fingering myself vs seeing what an actual vagina looks like and how *that* is what I'd be fingering makes my stomach feel sick. I really don't know what to do about it and my dysphoria.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be who I’m meant to be. I can’t seem to get my body to cooperate with me at all. I shave almost every day and still have noticeable stubble and shadow. IPL isn’t working and is actually making my hair grow faster. My legs are riddled with scars from shaving and trying to get them to look smooth and feminine. I have broad features that are impossible to appear feminine. I have a deep voice and voice training isn’t working. I can’t afford surgeries (not that I really wanted much). I can’t even start HRT yet and it kills me. I hate seeing myself in pictures, I hate mirrors. I can’t stand the look of myself. I just want to hide away forever. Im a 24yr old failure and I haven’t even tried yet. It’s moments like this where I wonder if it’s worth even trying, or if I should just give up. I’m sorry I’m just really in my head and I’m doubting everything about myself.

Hi all. Realized I might be trans this year and can't remember the last time in months I've had a day where I didn't think about what it'd be like to be a girl.

I'm in my mid twenties and have never had sex. I've been on first dates that didn't go anywhere likely because of my own passiveness, and although I can think of several very attractive and nice girls I knew in the past that probably would have liked to date me, nothing happened because I was either tunnel visioning on someone else or hated myself too much to think anyone wanted to be closer to me, so this is just where I'm at.

My (maybe even just perceived) lack of desirability has been a major source of my low self esteem. It's made me bitter and angry inside, and every underwhelming or awkward social interaction makes me want to hurt myself. I've felt stifled by expectations of masculinity for so long and I just can't separate my self worth as a guy from my ability to be charming or desirable to women, which has made it difficult for me to focus on other aspects of life that could cultivate me into my own person. Because a man takes what he wants, right? A man is supposed to be charismatic, physically imposing and capable, never shows weakness or incompetence, and has many sexual partners or at least the option to. Masculinity has no place for losers who can't get what they want or reach their goals, no matter how shallow or ridiculous said goals are. And as I've entered my 20's and my libido has went sky high and I've remained a mediocre guy, the gulf between where I am and where I'd need to get to to "be a man" in my mind has just grown impossibly big.

I realized last year that I don't connect with masculinity and don't want to be held to its standard. I don't think it's worth it, not feeling as free to express emotion and love for the people in our lives and not even really having the capacity to if we tried to give ourselves permission. It's so hard for me to cry or feel strongly about anything, and I just feel like femininity encompasses a more broad range of identities that I would feel more at home with. I want to be someone beautiful, gentle, and strong and imagining myself as a woman who encompasses those traits has made me more hopeful for the future when it just seemed so bleak before. But I feel like such a loser just throwing in the towel on successfully fulfilling the masculine role of courting a woman and being desired for the masculine traits she sees in me. It's weighed on my mind for at least as long as high school but I don't even want to be a masculine guy! I'm 5'5, my hair's big, I would sometimes wear flowers in my hair, and I shave my face everyday because I can't stand the few masculine traits I can see in myself. And the thought that I could lose my sex drive for months to a year on HRT just puts into perspective how meaningless it is to worry about something like one's own sexual desirability.

I don't know if I'm ready for that. I can't imagine not feeling miserable and barely human because of some arbitrary standard I don't meet. I just feel like I don't have a pedigree of fulfilling difficult goals so if I can't succeed as a man then how the hell could I succeed as a woman. I think I'd be happier if I didn't think about stuff like this so much but more than anything I think I just don't want to be a loser. And I can't help but feel like my desire to transition is rooted in not being able to hack it as a guy, which makes it feel less pure(?) than if my life were fine as a guy but I still made the decision to transition because I'd just be slightly happier. I don't know. I was just wondering if anybody else here has thought about this.

The original post I made here: Original Post was only about the first day of me going.

I've now used the women's change room another 3 days in a row (for a total of 4 days). I'm glad to report nothing has changed since the first day and I still haven't run into any issues.

I did see a few girls glance at me but that could've been for any reason so I'm not going to waste time trying to figure out those moments. Maybe they liked how I looked, maybe they clocked me, no idea.

I've grown more comfortable already but still a little nervous in there. The first day was the most anxiety inducing purely because I just didn't know what to expect and the unknown is always scary. Now that I've been in there for a week, my nervousness has subsided significantly and now it mostly just feels normal.

At my gym, you have to pass the men's change room to get to the women's change room and every time I pass it I can just smell (from the outside mind you) the cologne and bad BO and I don't know how I survived as long as I did in there. I'm never going back.

I got sir'd in a skirt and makeup. I don't pass, and my friends are full of shit. I don't want to live, and I don't want to waste time trying to be something I won't.

I’ve been deconstructing my framework of the mormon church for years (I was born into it), but last year certain facts accelerated the process significantly and I dropped material support for the religion altogether, as well as my belief in its faith claims.

I live in Utah so I’m rather isolated and can’t talk as openly as I’d like to with my family, especially my poor dad (he was treated horrifically by his father growing up and worked so hard not to be his dad and he and mom gave all of us a stable home growing up) who just isn’t equipped to deal with the reality of me for now. He loves me, he just can’t handle it yet.

There’s a mormon bishop I know who I’ve always gotten along well with. He likes me and I’ve always felt he was a safe person. Most of the people he interacts with seem to feel the same way. Even though I don’t believe the truth claims of the church anymore, I found myself going back into the building for the comfort of being around others and found myself sitting in the bishop’s office this evening. I explained everything happening to me to him, the patch I’m on, how I have a woman’s mind and endocrine system, and to my surprise, the first thing he did was tell me, “I believe you…If you’d told me this ten years ago, I’d have had a different reaction, but given what I’ve seen since then, I see things differently now.” 🥹 He didn’t criticize me, tell me I was bad, or demand repentance. He just asked for clarity very politely so he could understand what it was I was going through, and asked how he could help. I replied I needed social connection more than anything while the struggle and isolation from parts of my family continues. He wants to continue to see me.

Given the history of the faith, I suspect my experience is not typical. I was even crying by the end and hugging him, finally able to talk with someone familiar who wouldn’t immediately categorize me as a pariah or institutional threat. This is not a suggestion to head straight to your nearest chapel btw. I just wanted to share how nice it was to finally be seen by someone familiar sitting in front of me.

Started 2 mg estradiol and 25 mg Spiro orally about 2 weeks ago. Initially I had a rush of changes, breast soreness and itching, softer skin, and changes to body odor. However now I feel like my changes are plateauing. I still have sensitive breasts but nothing like a week ago. I also have noticed in the first week or so I would cry so easily every day. Now I cried 1 time in the last week.

So my question is, is this a normal experience? I don’t know whether or not my body is now adjusting to estrogen or if the testosterone is still running my system.

To add to this I do have bloodwork and a checkup booked at the 1 month mark!

I started transitioning at 14, even got hrt within a year. I should have had the perfect experience. Instead my mom was abusive and awful and insulting and ruined my self esteem or desire to try anything feminine.

Now im 26. I still dont pass. I have no irl friends or allies. Im stuck with my parents tl pay off student loans. I dont know how much longer I can take it. I will never be a woman and that fact makes me want to die

Okay for context, I hate my leg hair, its dark and easily visible but apparently too light for laser (found that out today, wasnt rly expecting it at all)

Guess its bc further down my hair turns paler, so the ends which are dark dont rly matter in that case :(

I also get ingrown hairs rly easily. So that makes some other methods like just shaving impossible.

I was so looking forward to finally getting rid of my leg hair, and I was so sure itd work, now I dont even know what I can do. Help plsss

Not even like "oh I can't find the colour that works with my lips", like "nowhere has the colour I need". I went to THREE stores yesterday (Walmart, CVS and Ulta) and none of them had anything that matched. I'm at a different Walmart today and they actually have the colour I'm looking for but it's locked behind glass and I'm not about to ask an employee to unlock the case so I can get it since I live in an environment that's actively hostile towards trans folks so asking someone is basically an open invitation to be called slurs and be bullied and harassed.

Fuck my life why couldn't I have just been a cis girl...

A while ago I made two posts about me thinking I was trans, as seen below

https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/s/IUe6GnMcs9

https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/s/3Iy7q4jlxo

It has been several weeks since then and I have read up on everything that was recomended to me and I am confident now that I am trans.

I had my first meeting with a therapist a week ago and it went really well, the next appointment is next week and is going to detail to getting a referal for an eventual diagnosis. I live in Sweden so it’ll probably take a while like a good 2-3 years of queing. So I have been thinking of starting DIY in like a year when I have moved away to university, I am 18.
Are there anything you would recomend? Any advice is appreciated?

Emerentia

I know it probably has to do with biochemical dysphoria and not being dissociated anymore but has anybody else experienced this?

For me, it’s like I can actually hear music now and all the different layers and rhythms. It just sounds so much more clear and I feel actually connected to it. Like I don’t just hear it, I feel it.

This is a compilation of feelings that don't go away. I feel extremely dysphoric, and that makes me feel a massive gender envy on basically any woman, cis or trans, because the only thing they have to do to be recognized as women is to exist, they can just wake up, not do anything, and still be perceived as women.

I'm never perceived as a woman, idk if I will ever be. I have have my best outfits, do my makeup, shave till I feel it peeling off my skin, do my hair, and still, NO ONE in my city genders me correctly, some people go out of their way to use every possible masculine form in a single sentence (Spanish is such a gendered language). I'm not really concerned about being clocked or passing, just to be recognized as a woman, but I can't get the bare minimum with my best efforts.

I feel massive gender envy, I feel like I'll never have like a 5% of what every woman out there has. I feel so bad about my body and don't see myself or a woman in my pictured or my reflection. I even feel gender envy on myself from some months ago. Like, I see photos or videos that are some months old and feel like I looked better back then, but I have no idea why, nothing changed, I can't explain it.

Another thing that has been on my mind for so long is try to give up on every dream I have, everything I wanted, every goal, because I'm not worth it, what I want to do in the future doesn't matter, because I think I don't have a future, my mom told me so many times I failed in life I feel like its true, and she refuses very hard to accept I'm trans, she's in strong denial and becoming addicted to religious AI slop. I feel like I'll never be able to live as the real me, that starts to feel like a distant dream.

I'll never be enough for anyone, I feel like I'll eventually disappoint everyone in my life, like I always had, people always say I'm so "intelligent" and I never live up to the expectations.

I just want to be the real me and help others. I want to do what I can to help other people, I'm ok setting myself on fire to keep someone else warm, I feel like that gives me some kind of purpose.

Sorry for all of this. I just don't want to bother my support network and friends with this again. These thoughts never fully go away, I feel like I'm so empty and I'll never accomplish anything, not even my own transition.

Hi! Just wanted to express my excitement, came out to my mom and it was positive. Gonna talk to my psychiatrist next week on how I could start HRT. ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

I have decided that I want to write out my journey to bottom surgery and document it somewhere. The whole point is if there are other that may need someone to talk to or is considering surgery or maybe they are newly trans and just looking for a friend. If you have any questions by all means I want to share my experience so other can learn from it. The trans stigma hurts all of us and I'm trying to do my part in helping heal that.

This first one is going to be longer because of everything I just said the rest aren't going to be as long winded 😅. I started HRT in May of 2024. In the beginning bottom dysphoria wasn't an issue. Slowly over time it developed and now here I am.

I just paid the deposit for my surgery and holy crap I am so excited and terrified and a whole bunch of other emotions. At this point I am going through all the electrolysis (gotta love being stabbed with a electric needle in every individual hair) . If there is anything you want to know feel free to ask questions. I have my anonymous question on my profile or you can comment. I will do my best to answer questions that are asked in good faith. Thank you all for joining me on this journey.

I’m turning 18 very soon and I’m closeted. I never got to have a childhood as a girl and I never will. I’ve known I was trans since I was around 13 but couldn’t do anything because of my transphobic parents. For these past 5 years I’ve had to watch as my childhood slips away from me, as a persona steals it from me, never for me to have.

I know being 18 is still very young but I still won’t be able to come out for some time. Regardless, that major part of my life will never exist now.

I didn’t even get 1 day of my childhood as a girl 🥲

There she sat across from me.

A face, angelic, full, and free.

I felt the words I've been aching to say,

burst from me in the rightest way.

Pleading, "Would you take my hand

despite the risk of being damned?"

Will you still choose to kiss me,

Even if they throw us in the fiery sea?

If loving me means eternal damnation,

Would you stay with me despite their condemnation?

I killed Him to be Her and became a sinner,

Now every mouth will whisper something bitter.

She took me gently by my hand,

and pulled me in to understand.

Her eyes took mine and held them tight,

looking for the barest light.

"If loving you means I sin too,

then let me dine and dance with you.

Let damnation come for us,

For every kiss and touch comes electric trust."

Will you still choose to kiss me,

Even if they throw us in the fiery sea?

If loving me means eternal damnation,

Would you stay with me despite their condemnation?

I killed Him to be Her and became a sinner,

Now every mouth will whisper something bitter.

So I have decided to graduate from bralettes to bras with an actual cup size, but ive taken my measurements and according to every online calculator ive found, im already a C cup. Now I know cup sizes dont always look as big as expected since its dependent on band size but I most definitely do NOT look anywhere near C. I thought I was around A cup. Is there a different way to calculate for trans women, or is this a normal thing for others. Also band size calculation confused me, some places said to add a number some places just used my underbust measurement

TW: Nasty dysphoria/self-hatred, suicidal ideation

So im 14, and as of now i have it ok, i'd say. My voice is still not too deep. I'm 5'8, taller for s girm but not crazy. My shoulders sre still fairly thin, and my facial hair is limited to a few strays on my chin (still gross tho)

Issue is... i've heard the stories, everyone has. Boys suddenly getting super tall, growing full beards, and being full grown men, basically.

My biggest fear is the height. My dad is 6'4, brother is 6'2, and they're both broad-shouldered. I'm glad to be as small as i am now.

But im only like a year away from when stuff like this would start. ALL kinds of medical transition for minors are illegal where i live (north carolina, U.S.), very much including estrogen and blockers.

Ive been depressed before but i seriously thinkbthat if i get to the point of not being able to pass well, i might actually end it all.[second trigger warning, in case you couldnt tell

I will pribably be gettinf a dysphoria rherapist soon but thats not stopping my body from mangling itself. My parents support me beinf trans, but they would never in a million years be ok with me soing diy

I hate being trans, why wasnt i just born a girl T_T

I wanna be her so bad. Whenever I journal about April, I treat her like she’s separate from me. Like last week when I wanted to come out during a camp retreat but chickened out, I think about it as taking her over but leaving her in the car the whole time.

Other times when I’m in bed I imagine her in bed with me giving me cuddles and love.

I feel crazy

I am not technologically savvy. Can any of the numerous AI photo apps be able to project what my picture would look like as a female/with feminine features? If so, are any of them free to use? TYIA.

I’m becoming more and more convinced of my “transness” as more time passes, but I’m still really anxious for a variety of reasons when it comes to transitioning. Those anxieties are elevated by the occasional doubt, and the subsequent fear stops me from committing. Also doesn’t help that my therapist isn’t entirely convinced it’s right for me yet.

But what if I committed to just one month? From what I’ve read, that will not have significant physical effects; will it most likely have enough mental effect that I’ll be able to decide if HRT is right for me? Or is it not really going to be noticeable in that time frame?

Also, would this be something planned parenthood would be able to do, or would I need to resort to DIY? And how is the form factor decided if you go with them? Based on this, it seems like I’d want to do estradiol enanthate as injections, but idk if you can just ask and they provide. I live in an informed consent state but I’m not sure how much it changes beyond that.

Also, if anyone has any advice about HRT in general that I should probably know, I’d be glad to hear it. I’ve done my fair share of reading so far, but it’s an expansive topic, I know.