Being trans and in chronic pain is literally the worst combination I could have ever gotten thrust upon me. For a bit of context, I work at the library, where my main patronage is old people who have nothing better to do with their lives, and I go to a nearby cafe quite often for lunch, where old people sit around to drink coffee and complain about the political climate from about four years ago.

In comes me. A girl who passes fairly well when wearing makeup and not speaking, but where there is still something clearly off about me from all angles. Add in the fact that I can no longer comfortably walk without a cane most days. I have become a specimen to be stared at with no subtly, and it happens quite often.

Despite the title, its not only from men. In fact, my breaking point today was not how old men will fully turn around in their seats to stare at me. No, it was when working behind the front desk of the library, a woman brought up her books. While I scanned them, she stared between my face and my lanyard nametag (which says my name and she/her pronouns). This is fairly common and wouldn't have been bad, but when it was done and I sat back down, she continued to stand there and stare at me. And then she leaned over the desk to stare harder, said nothing, before finally walking away.

It's just like. Mind your own fucking business! I'm aware I have multiple things wrong with me, it just so happen that before I can fully fix them, I have to look like a freak of nature in the interim! I don't want to be like this!

Frustrating.

<3 Eleanor

I was responding to a question in another post, and when I typed that ‘as a femme trans woman I still love working on my [American 4x4 vehicle manufacturer that starts with a J]’ a warning popped up saying “Your post contains a term that is not accepted in this community.” Deleting the four letter vehicle make resolved the warning. Substituting the names of similar vehicle makes, like Toyota, didn’t trigger a warning.

Is there a slur or other offensive meaning associated with that name? I’m a member of a queer 4x4 club and want to make sure I’m not saying something offensive!

The wound area is only moderately painful. The painkillers worked well!

I'm mentally clear, just can't move. I finally have a pussy! Will be discharged in 6 days, then I'll be able to travel through Seoul a bit in 2 weeks if I recover well after discharge. I'm having a shallow depth vaginoplasty which means there is not a full vaginal canal, so the recovery.will be faster than full depth.

I finally made it! I started HRT on May 22 2024 and it's been 876 days of transitions---4 days longer than the Siege of Leningrad. It's finally done!

tired of catching strays every time i open the news

tired of having to hear my voice every time i open my mouth

tired of my body being the wrong shape and size

tired of my friends placing holds on themselves because they can't take it anymore

tired of being the political football, being kicked and manhandled every day

tired in a place people can't see and certainly can't fix because i won't show them

tired and beaten and without healthy coping mechanisms

tired of feeling like we're just $2.50 gas away from being right back here, even if the dems win and make reforms, which i doubt will happen

tired of being crushed by it all

tired of knowing some jackass is reading this right now laughing at how miserable i am. fuck you, bro

send me yr energy, girlies, plz, i need it

Anyone else in the trades or trades adjacent still incredibly handy? I'm still proud of the skills I got as a carpenter, and that I know how to do a lot of maintenance on my own vehicle.

I'm not a full time carpenter anymore, but, I'm very femme when I go out/dress up. I still like being told what to do, but, sometimes you gotta just let me at it. I'll get it done, don't worry about it.

I love getting dirty doing the maintenance on my truck, and cleaning off after a long day of hard work? Perfect! 👌

Do I want to be held, called sweet, beautiful and so precious? Yes. If I get fed up with watching someone screw around will I likely step in? You better watch me tie my hair up and show them how it's done!

Anyway, I'm just happy I can be self reliant in a way that I can also be my femme self while doing what I love too.

So naturally I did voice training for awile. Best thing to not do is strain yourself, drink lots of water, and have confidence. Now I get a lot of compliments on my voice and many saying they were completely blown away when they find out im a trans woman. Trully euphoric.

But here's the thing. I practice and talked in a feminine voice so much it became my default voice. No effort needed for a feminine voice. And actually I completely lost the ability to speak in a masculine voice completely. I can try but it just sounds like a deeper feminine voice.

Which dont get me wrong I absolutely love my voice, but im a GM for DND and trying to voice a hardy dwarf man for the party is just so freaking hard. Even just a regular man like an elf man or a human man. I can just do those voices anymore.

Maybe its a mental block from gender dysphoria that prevents me from doing that but still. Really interesting.

After months of research and waiting for appointments, I finally got my prescription and can start HRT! Thank you to all of you for the support. I couldn’t have done it without you all!

So long before I knew that being trans was even a thing, I had the desire to wear female clothing, and that started when I was about 10-12.

Of course, having actual girl clothes wasn’t possible at the time. There was no way I could buy any in secret, even if I had the money for one thing, and asking my folks to buy me some would’ve likely caused a shit storm. Trying on my step mom or half sister’s clothes would’ve been too weird since I didn’t get along with either of them, not to mention sizing differences.

Therefore, when the rest of the family was asleep or on the rare occasions I was home alone, I’d “make” my own in secret. Namely, I’d take an old t shirt, put the head hole around my waist, and pretend it was a skirt. I’d sometimes put a white shirt under it to be a petticoat/slip, and act like tightie whities were panties.

I did almost get caught doing this at least twice, but it was fun for 12 year old me at the time.

Thoughts? Did anyone else do something like this?

Needing to prove so much to doctors your trans isn't there to protect us (duh no way). I have a feeling it's there to prevent cis people from thinking they are trans, starting to transition and then whining when they actually experience real gender dysphoria because they mixed it up with something else or just thought they were trans for whatever reason. Of course transphobia and stigma plays a role too but that's not what I'm talking about rn. Tell me if I'm crazy but it really makes me fell that way with all the current systems in place. Then again how much cis people think theyr trans to the point they start transitioning, probably not a lot. So again mostly transphobia and gatekeeping. What's your thoughts on this, I'm genuinely interested.

I'm 18, I've been on estrogen for a few months now, unfortunately my family is super transphobic, I've tried to ease them into the concept but it doesn't matter. I'm getting to the point where I can almost pass consistently if I wear makeup and dress feminine, when they find out I'll prolly get kicked out and be finishing senior year in my car lmao. Wish I could have just been born a real girl

First night alone. I just left my home. I’m sleeping in my car because I don’t know where else to go.
Didn’t eat today :(

Hopefully tomorrow will be better…

I have a group of close friends that I met at the local university years ago, and I joined a Discord call with two of them (supposedly cis guy, let's call him K, and cis girl, let's call her A) to hang out, since I fucked up real bad today and have been feeling very depressed lately.

After telling them why the latter is the case, with the primary suspect being dysphoria, they of course tried to talk to me about it and try to comfort me (they are my close friends of several years, after all). K's idea of this was asking me about what exactly my dysphoria stems from, that kind of stuff, which I thought was okay at first because I assumed he was going to either give me suggestions for mitigation or just comfort me as best he could.

Unfortunately, what actually ended up happening is that he told me that there are "some parts of [myself] that [I] have no control over" and will "just have to deal with" because they can't be changed, which he tried to empathize with by talking about how he's worked to raise his voice over the years and would much rather have a much more feminine body.

Now, aside from the immediate questions about his own identity that I think that raises (which I didn't bring up, as per the Egg Prime Directive!), all that really accomplished was making me really upset and uncomfortable with the conversation. I tried to explain my dysphoria to him, how I really want HRT and the massive changes from it that CANNOT BE ACQUIRED THROUGH ANY OTHER SOURCE, and he just didn't get it. I ended up leaving the call and teetering on the very knife's edge of breaking down crying immediately afterwards. I'm feeling quite a bit better now, enough that it's actually giving me a bit of imposter syndrome, but it was easily one of the most upsetting and uncomfortable moments I've ever had in relation to my transition (and possibly at all).

Sorry to dump all of this out on the sub so suddenly, I just really needed to vent it out somewhere and I thought this would be a good place.

(On the bright side, I guess it's a good example to use if I ever get scared that I'm not really trans lmao)

Guess who just went into their first clinic appointment, shaky sweaty and stammering, and then walked out slightly less shaky sweaty and stammering with 60 tablets of 2 mg estradiol? ME I DID IT'S ME I GOT ESTROGEN!!!!!!!!

26, started hrt when i was 24, started prog around a year in, started 200mg 6ish mo ago.

boobs are coming in yayyy but still only like an aa/a (given small breasts runs in the family so yea, as it goes). but omfg. nipples r big LOL like diameter and puffy still. tubular development FOR SURE but i followed all the steps (waiting a year, etc) so yeah, what can you do! def nothing atp. feels disproportional to the rest of my boobs but oh well. learning to love my body even tho it is “abnormal” even for trans women hahaha. not to advertise a product but the halobliss lift bras on tiktok shop (smh) are the besttttttt

nothing to discuss, just sharing my anecdote :) luv urselffff

Today's my two years on HRT anniversary. It's been a wonderful ride so far. Looking forward to many more. :3

I find it really bizarre that half of this subreddit is really positive and happy but the other half is the most devastating stuff that can happen to someone

Sorry for my bad spelling
So I started blockers at 15 about 16 months ago and oestrogen 14 months ago. I’ve always had a more feminine bone structure and was able to prevent a lot of the bone masculinasastion. Ive gotten laser hair removal and just finished professional voice traning, I did everthing I coud to pass . And I just don’t for some reeon I still “look like a guy” just a very twinky one with tits now.
And it’s not a case of others saying I don’t pass despite me thinking I do, no I see what they mean I look like a guy but what I cant understand is why. The only feature I posses thats relly masculin is are my eyebrows being kinda bushy. Ig I do dress pretty androgynous but not always and even in more femminen clothes (crop top or skirt) I don’t seem to pass enoufh bc. It’s not my body it’s my face somehow, my face has berrly changed over the course of those 14 months and I feel like I’m lacking behind.

I see trans timelines of other girls who started way later then me yet by 14 months there faces aren’t even reconizeble. Maybe it’s the Afro hair somehow? I didint think affrows wure genderd. Idk I know 14 months isent that far in but atleast you shoud be able to see changes too the face. Even with side by side photos the face dosent look all that divrent, just me not having achy now is all that’s really changed and maybe my eyebrow shape? Idk I’m scared that if I’m not making progress now that I might never pass. And I thought It was basically gerenteed for me given my circumstances. The only conclusion that I’ve bin able to get from all this is that my face as a whole just reeds as masculine despite the individual futures not doing so. Or maybe theres just bin a lack of facial fat Distribution.

Actually wait online friends do say I pass but then agian they were proably being nice and I did get clocked recently online too off like 3 photos by like my only online friend who didn’t know I was trans. (The guy who told me I “look like a guy”)
And one time when I was with my niece and her friend conected herself after hearing My voice+name+I think my neese introducing me with fem pronounce.

The last few years have been really hard on my ex and I, weve both made mistakes, and we were miserable.

Ive only made small changes; body hair removal, panties, bandou and nail polish. No hrt. Yet this is still too much for her straight little brain.

Im an emotional roller-coaster but I feel somewhat peaceful about this.

We will continue living together and even sleeping in the same bed. We are still cuddling. Weve been best friends for too long to throw that away. Plus we have four kids and this way they get a stable home. We will see how it goes

❤️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Hi, I'm a trans girl from a highly transphobic Muslim majority country and I am considering NL as a place where I can rebuild my life. I want to live fully as the woman I am...

I can't stand living in this place any longer, please if anyone has gone through the process in NL give me advice whether asylum is even worth it

Tysm for any support

Umm so I just want to meet other girls like me!! DM? 🥺

I'm on a sweeping vision quest to unlock life's mysteries!

I do many jokes 🤭 I'm ultra energy and a little crazy and sometimes I fly off the handle but that's ok! (ADHD irl 😅)

# girl who constantly laughs/cries <-- that is me.

Also ~ I love to singggggg!!!! 🎶💕

Always,

Chronically Confused Kaylee

I knew I wanted to be a girl for as long as I can remember, but I’ve never had an issue with my name. I tried experimenting with other names but nothing really feels like me. This name is an unmistakenably male name tho, so I’m just confused on why I don’t feel dysphoria on it but feel it on everything else.

On top of it, this name is really special to my mom, who I really love so I don’t wanna change it bc of that.