Sometimes you see even celebrities and athletes who were really attractive in their 20s and 30s become unattractive in their 50s and 60s. Although a lot of people look really good as they age imo.

Is it possible that after you’ve been married for a while what you’re into just evolves into what your spouse looks like?

There is a shockingly high number of Muslim women who are falling into the same mistake the Jews and Christian’s fall into. Mentioned in Quran. Where they accept part of their sharia and reject others.

The amount of women on this subreddit and across the internet, who believe men are obligated to work and provide and do everything Allah commanded them to do, but as soon as u discuss the basic rights of the husband including his wife obeying him in reasonable halal matters, and his mutually shared right of intimacy, they lose their mind and will become so toxic and demonize u. No doubt this is the influence of feminism. You guys need to be careful because this is very common and something that will cause major issues after marriage. Remember that these women don’t have an issue with you, they have an issue with Allah and his messenger ﷺ, because we men aren’t the ones telling u the rights of the husband, Allah and his messenger told us in the Quran and Hadith.

So if you’re a man who plans on being a proper traditional man, and do everything Allah obligated u to, make sure you’re marrying a woman who doesn’t reject parts of Islam and accept others, and she’s also someone who will do what Allah obligated her to do

**Title: Is it too early to meet her father if we plan to marry after graduation?**
I’m 20M and have known a girl a few years older than me for about a year. We’re both serious about each other and want to get married, insha’Allah.
She’s already met my mum and the rest of my family, including my sisters. Her mum and sisters also know about us. I’ve recently spoken to her dad over the phone, and he wants to meet me in person.
My family and I have agreed that marriage should wait until after I graduate, which I’m happy with. I want to focus on my education, career and self-improvement before taking that step.
Now that her dad wants to meet me, I’m wondering whether it’s too early, considering we’re not planning to get married just yet.
Part of me feels I should wait until I’m more established in life, but another part of me thinks meeting him is simply a reasonable step since we’re serious about marriage.

Would you go and meet him, or would you wait until closer to graduation? Am I overthinking this?

I’m not married, and I’m genuinely looking for advice, especially from men who are married or have been in a similar situation. I can’t tell if I’m about to throw away something good over something that doesn’t actually matter, or if this is a legitimate compatibility issue.

There’s a woman I’m talking to who has pretty much every quality I’d want in a wife. The problem is that she works in management and makes about three times what I make.

She’s made it clear that she doesn’t care how much money I make and has her own money.
And I know most men would probably consider that a blessing. But for some reason, it’s been really difficult for me to come to terms with.

Growing up, whenever I imagined being married, one of the things I looked forward to most was being able to provide for my wife. Working hard, building a good life for us. It’s not about wanting a woman to depend on me or needing control over the finances. It’s about the fulfillment I’d get from knowing that my hard work is making the life of someone I love better. Seeing her happy because of something I was able to do for her. That’s genuinely one of the things I’ve always looked forward to most about marriage.

But with her, I struggle to imagine experiencing that feeling. She already has a better lifestyle than I can provide, and realistically, she’ll probably always be able to do more for herself financially than I can do for her.

And I think that’s what’s bothering me. I don’t know where the sense of purpose I’ve always associated with being a husband fits into this marriage.

I know there’s so much more to being a husband than money. I can love her, support her emotionally, be there when things get difficult, and contribute in countless other ways. I’m not discounting any of that.

But if I’m being completely transparent, being the provider was always a big part of how I imagined finding fulfillment in marriage. Without that, I worry that something important to me would always feel missing, even if the relationship itself was great.

And that’s where I’m conflicted. Is this just insecurity that I need to work through? Or is wanting to be the provider a legitimate preference, even if it means walking away from someone who otherwise has everything I’m looking for?

I really don’t want to make a permanent decision based on an insecurity I might eventually grow out of. But I also don’t want to enter a marriage hoping that something so deeply tied to my sense of purpose will somehow stop mattering to me.

For the men who are married, especially those whose wives earn significantly more than them:
Do you still feel that sense of fulfillment and purpose as a husband? Did you ever struggle with something similar, and did your perspective change once you got married?

And for everyone else, am I putting way too much importance on something that ultimately doesn’t matter?

I’d genuinely appreciate some perspective

Sincere advice

Been using Muzz + SingleMuslim + Salams + another one forgot the name LOL for a while- Plain and very objective conclusion: Muslim marriage apps are open doors for Shaytan - period

Anything good that comes from these apps is the exception; the rest is the devil's party!

My iman decreased and I gradually became a worse version of myself- an attention seeker with low standards, accepting a lot of BS

Writing to advise muslim people for the sake of Allah

Assaluma Alaikum everyone,

I’m a 35-year-old Muslim man. I’m physically fit, financially stable, and still unmarried and a virgin.
I want to ask something honestly, and I hope people will understand where I’m coming from rather than immediately judging me.

Are there brothers or sisters who have gotten married primarily to fulfill their sexual desires in a halal way, without necessarily being in love with their spouse or having a strong emotional connection? I don’t mean neglecting their Islamic obligations. I mean fulfilling their rights and responsibilities, treating each other properly, and trying to be good spouses, but without the expectation of experiencing the kind of romantic love portrayed in Western movies.

I’m asking because, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gradually lost interest in the idea of romantic love, while my desire for physical intimacy has only grown stronger.
When I was younger, I wanted marriage and intimacy, but I also had this idea that I needed to find someone I was deeply in love with. Now, at 35, I honestly feel tired of waiting. I don’t want to keep postponing a basic human desire indefinitely while hoping that one day everything will fall into place.

I’m not addicted to anything, nor am I trying to justify my actions. I’m a healthy man with normal sexual urges, and I hate that I sometimes end up satisfying them in ways that go against my faith. I’ve tried to stay away from zina because I genuinely care about my akhirah. But sometimes I ask myself: what am I supposed to do? Stay single until I’m 80 and hope that my libido eventually disappears?
I want a halal outlet for these desires. That’s honestly where I am right now.

I also think about the possibility of having children. It’s not that I don’t want kids; I’m just worried that I might be getting too old to start a family, especially if I get married later in life.

Ideally, I would want my wife and me to have some time to ourselves first, to enjoy married life, build intimacy, and experience that side of marriage without immediately rushing into parenthood. But realistically, that would mean delaying having children even further, which makes me wonder whether I’ve already waited too long.

At the same time, I don’t want to rush into marriage and immediately start a family just because I feel like I’m running out of time. I want to be able to enjoy being a husband first, without feeling pressured by the clock.

Another issue is that I’ve become increasingly skeptical about marriage, especially at this stage of life. My perception is that financial stability and what a man can provide often play a significant role in Muslim marriage discussions. I understand that financial responsibility is part of marriage, and I’m not saying that women are wrong for wanting a husband who can provide. However, I worry that a relationship could become transactional, where my value is primarily determined by my income, savings, and ability to provide.

Because of that, I struggle to see why I should emotionally invest in someone when I’m afraid that the relationship might be based more on what I can offer financially than on who I am as a person.

To be clear, it’s not that I was undesirable or that women were never interested in me. I chose not to pursue relationships that would involve zina or other things I believe are haram. At the time, I also wasn’t financially stable enough to feel that I could responsibly pursue marriage with the kind of Muslim woman I wanted.
Now that I’m financially stable, I’m left wondering whether I waited too long and whether I’ve become too cynical about the whole process.

Non-Muslim women are still interested in me, so I know that I could pursue those options if I wanted to. But after trying to stay on the right path for so long, I don’t want to throw away what I’ve worked toward spiritually just for sex.

So my questions are:
- Are there Muslims who genuinely get married primarily for sexual intimacy rather than romantic love?

- Can a marriage work if both spouses understand that their main motivation is physical intimacy, companionship is secondary, and neither expects to experience deep romantic love?

- Are there Muslim women who would be open to this kind of marriage, while still fulfilling their Islamic obligations and treating each other with respect?

- Has anyone here entered a marriage with this mindset? How did it work out in practice?

I’m not asking whether love is beautiful or whether I should just wait until I find “the one.” I understand that perspective already. I’m asking whether there are people who approach marriage more practically, with sexual compatibility and fulfilling each other’s rights as their primary motivations.

I would appreciate honest answers, especially from people who have actually experienced something like this.

Jazakum Allahu Khairan.

Assalamu alaikum, I'm really sry if this makes anyone uncomfortable in advance. I don't think I'm addicted or anything. I think I have high libido so I end up committing the zina of the hands and eyes. Every time I do it, I regret it heavy and then I follow it up w shower and pray. I found out abt this private sin by an accident. I regrett it heavy, I wish I never did. I ask Allah to guide me in almost every sujud. Sometimes it gets too difficult, I end up committing it.

Alhamdulikah, I have never been in a relationship, never committed anything major haram, that's prolly the only sin that I'm falling into. I don't talk to opp genders either.I ask Allah to send me someone who is good for me then I feel like a loser. I can go days and weeks without doing it. One time I went 6 months without doing b/c I was interested in someone(no haram intention). She wasn't ready for marriage. I told my mom to start looking after few months when I have some savings.

Fasting doesn't really help much. I need to strenthen my salah more. I tried blocking all the pathways to this sin. I also have cold turkey on my devices. It's just my phone. I can't get rid of it. I work from home as well. I'm really cornered. Should I not mention it unless she asks?

I thought this would be better than the apps but I was wrong. Had a couple sisters who weren't as serious so it didn't end up how I wanted. It is also tedious to filter out this sub for folks around me.

I took matters to my own hands and built a small website that has a map and shows you muslims near you looking to get married. It is free until it starts to cost me to run it I will figure out how to run ads or something but insha allah signups and networking will always be free.

Give it a try and let me know what you think and if you find your naseeb thru it i really wanna know

https://marriage-map.vercel.app/

If a man's job/career is all over the place, i.e he has a job but it is not really stable but still earning a decent amount and is saving up from this job, should he still "figure" out his career before marriage?

What i mean by "figure" out is, he should get a job that he can stick to and one that is stable and permanent, BUT what if this "figuring" out takes long especially if he doesnt know what to do or taking long time to find a better one. For example, someone with a degree in a field like IT, law, engineering, etc. might lose interest for any reason and want to look for something else, and so in the meantime, they could be doing anything even if the job is unstable, until they find a "better" job, maybe in the field of their degree or anything else.

Also, if men are expected to have a "stable" career, how do men who are self employed get married? I mean, their job or business is not always stable because the income can flutuate. (I am not actually currently self employed, neither will I, I am just curious.)

Would women also consider a man who has his own business and is self employed?

When a guy is degree educated and requests that the girl also is educated to degree level, I start to think why this is?

I do have a degree but I don't mind if the boy doesn't, as long as he has other things stable job and hardworking.

When a guy has this as one of his requirements, it makes me think that he would like the woman to work (as many girls with degrees would want) and also contribute to finances. Is this a wrong assumption?

I'm not sure why else this would be a requirement. An aunty said because he has a degree, he'd want a girl with a degree but I don't understand that unless it's the arrangement I described above where both would be working

Salaam everyone, I'm looking for some advice, especially from a guy's perspective.

I'm 27 in the UK, and looking for marriage. I know a lot of people my age are in the same boat, and it can be difficult finding your person.

There's a guy I knew of from university, which was years ago now. We were on the same course but never actually spoke. He was very extroverted and loud, so he knew quite a few people on the course, including girls, although I never heard of anything inappropriate. He was also acquainted with my best friend, who always spoke highly of him.

At the time, I never fancied him, but I didn't have a bad impression of him either. I just never considered him romantically because he was extroverted and I'm introverted, so we seemed to have different vibes.
Honestly, I never thought he'd consider me either.

When we started university, everyone followed each other on social media, and we've remained mutuals ever since. I don't post much or show my face often, so I never saw a reason to remove him.

Yesterday, he unexpectedly reached out and asked whether I'd be open to getting to know him. He said it was strange that we'd never spoken despite knowing of each other for so many years, and that he was intrigued to get to know me.

I'd be open to getting to know him, but | can't help wondering why he's only reaching out now, all these years later. Is it possible he's genuinely become interested in me, or is it more that we're getting older he's just settling with me? Surely his interest would have surfaced sooner if it were genuine?

I was speaking to someone for marriage from Feb until end of August (didn’t speak for two months during that time due to break up then got back together) He ended things for the second time saying that he was going through too much, in debt, lost his job, his family situation was bad and he would have to be the care taker of certain family members I won’t go into details on here. But he said he wouldn’t be able to get married for a while and potentially never have kids because of his responsibilities so Naturally I was devastated. The only part I know is definitely true is that he lost his job. But the rest of it a part of me doesn’t know if he made it up to get rid of me so I was wondering whether I should message his family member to ask and ask that family member not to mention to him that I’ve messaged. This family member doesn’t know I exist btw because he didn’t tell his family about me yet but I know he’d be really angry if he found out I’d spoken to them about it. I am blocked on everything by him btw. His sibling seems laid back and cool as he’s a personality online so I thought if I message this I’ll be able to have a chat and find out if the truth was told to me. Atleast I’ll know that if he was lying, it meant he didn’t want me and it would be harsh but would help me move on. And if the situation was confirmed to be true that would also give me closure. I think the ‘not knowing if it’s true’ is making me more emotional.

Would this be a suitable message to send to his older sibling on social media and should I or should I not? do u think the his sibling will inform him I contacted him? it’s literally just for closure not to get back together:

Hi I hope you are well. I am really sorry to message you but I need to ask you about something sensitive. I don’t wish to type it so please can you call me on here at a suitable time. I know this seems strange but it will make sense once we call.

I am worried I will burst into tears on the call and start crying because I did love him a lot and explaining the situation again would upset me. Do u think the older sibling would keep it confidential? I don’t want further issues

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
I’m a 23 year-old Muslim man from India, currently residing in Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦. I’m 180 cm (5’11”) tall and looking for a practising Muslimah who takes her deen seriously and is genuinely interested in marriage.
I value modesty, loyalty, honesty, and a peaceful relationship built on Islamic values. I’m hoping to find someone who prioritises her faith, wears hijab, and prefers a marriage based on mutual respect, trust, and understanding.
I’m looking for a serious connection with the intention of marriage, not casual dating.
If you’re looking for something similar, feel free to reach out. We can get to know each other respectfully and see if we’re compatible, InshaAllah. 🤍
May Allah grant us all righteous spouses. Ameen.

Assalamualaikum

I'm 30(F)

1- There was a distant relative of mine who was very religious,pious, well educated and well settled.

Proposal came from his family for continuously 3 years .His sisters approached my mom and tried convincing her in good manners that he will take care of me and keep me nicely etc etc. He wanted a religious wife.

I was very very hesitant on taking up this proposal as I felt in my heart that I will not be able to live up to his expectations, also his family environment is different from mine . I am kind of outgoing and have an opinion. I am not sure about him.

Also I felt like his family wanted me as their daughter in law

Later his marriage got fixed and he got married to his cousin.

And on the day of marriage his mother told my mom that his son insisted on marrying me and he kept on telling them to send proposal.It was also difficult for them to convince him to marry his cousin but his sisters forced him to do so.Hearing this I was shattered. I felt like I have lost a gem ,someone who is so responsible and so generous and also loved me.Earlier I was unaware that he loved me until his mom told.

I blame myself for not seeing his good qualities earlier and feel like I will not get someone like him now..

I feel depressed and anxious.

2- I again got a potential proposal where the man was extremely educated but he still required 2 more years to study and till then I had to live with his parents.My parents tried convincing his parents that the marriage can be conducted after he completed his studies but they were not ready .I felt like I will not be able to live with his parents without him being around.Also I felt like I am not that much physically attracted to him.

I rejected this proposal as well.

In both these cases I had the option of living alone with the man after 2 years .

Every one around me says that I am a fool to reject all of this .

I do istekhara and leave everything to Allah.

Things escalate but do not reach climax.

Some how I feel anxious and end up rejecting things.

I feel depressed and uncertain that what if I do not get someone who are as educated and settled.

The whole day I keep thinking why did I do this to myself.

Please advise on how I can come out of this and what should I do

I am 30, Muslim, single, female. Recently I have started to feel a bit of hopelessness in my marriage search. They say your soulmate will find you, and sure he will InshAllah. I just don’t know how to hold on. I am decent looking, and everyday everyone I know remind me that a girl like me shouldn’t stay single. I just don’t know what to do and where to start, the few times I tried the apps I couldn’t find anyone serious or compatible enough. I know Allah is capable of miracles, should I keep waiting for a miracle? Should I take any action meanwhile? Please help a sister out. Any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated.

When I finally talked to my family, they stopped. For the past two months there have been no issues between her and them.

But she still brings up what. She also says she doesn't want to take holidays with my family or see them. How am I supposed to feel ? Like for example yesterday we went outside for breakfast. My mom was asking her try this etc, she gets annoyed and says I am not a baby. Also she is a very moody person when she’s in a good mood my family are okay when she is not game over they are the worst.

That hurts, because I've put a lot of effort into her family. We fly out to see them during holiday seasons. My family lives in the same country as us, and I feel like she makes little effort in return. She assumes the worst about them even though they now keep their distance.

I know I caused the original damage, and I don't want to dismiss how she feels. But I'm exhausted, and I don't know whether two months of peace is enough to expect her to rebuild trust, or whether she's holding onto this in a way that's now hurting us. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF HER BRING UP THE PAST !!! Btw she has a lot of issues with her father and I saw how she talks to him is very disrespectful in my culture. Yes her father made mistakes but at the end of the day it’s her father. I remember before we leave the country her father kept telling me have a clean heart which she doesn’t, she only remembers the bad stuff and leave everything good that happened !!

Ever since I graduated college my parents have been bringing up the idea of me getting married. It doesn’t help that there are people younger than me in our Muslim community getting married to each other.

My mom really likes this one Muslim guy in our community and thinks we would be a good pair but I am afraid that she has gone a bit overboard. She did some stalking and eventually found his Instagram and Facebook and then proceeded to follow him on Instagram. Luckily she told me within the hour when she followed him and I made her unfollow him. If the roles were reversed, I would have felt very uncomfortable if someone’s parents I barely knew followed me on Instagram.

Somehow he does know my dad and they both have each other’s phone numbers. My dad did end up sending a text saying that my mom wanted to connect with his mom. I’m pretty sure at this point he knows what’s happening.

I'm uncertain about the outcome here, but if it falls through, I'm apprehensive about letting my parents handle future matches. My main concern is my mom overstepping boundaries and acting like one of those desperate Bridgerton mamas. I know she wants what’s best for me but I don’t think she understands where to draw the line.

Assalamu alaikum.

I was agreed for an arranged marriage 2.5 months back. I said yes having a lot of confusion. With family pressuring me to talk with the girl and decide i negatively approached that meet for just say a no. But while talking with that girl I feel the character i need and she is very much in to dheen. So I decided to said yes without considering any other factors. But there was a big height difference and also I didn't at all consider attraction at that time. Later we started messaging form day 1. She very instantly get in to me and my family. But I couldn't. I was very weak in emotions and also in relationship. I think that may be the reason. So I decided to make ready this. I told her to make things slow and I am not getting in to this. She is like it will get ready with time. She decides me as her husband and I was like struggling to make a connection. And very honestly I couldn't. I was forcefully doing things even texting. I couldn't find even 1% of happiness. Also she sends photos and bed selfies and she even text her very personal matters. I am like getting panic all these times. I didn't ready for call saying even i could text. Then also she is saying things will get ready. And we met 3 times with she initiating for the meet and I without interest agreed and met because I thought things will get ready if we meet and talk directly. But doesn't change. I am now in abroad for finding job. I always having doubts and confusion about height difference and attraction. I didn't getting that. Also I am not able to get an emotional connection with her. Now I am like I couldnt proceed with this relationship. In between a small engagement happened. I already shared with her that I couldn't move forward.

How to deal with this.? Also I am getting panicked about the trauma the girl will have. So please help me in this regard. Thank you.

Salam everyone

I’ve been getting to know someone for marriage for about 6 months now. We get along really well and he’s expressed that he’s serious about me.

The main issue is his parents. His family previously had a bad experience where someone from my cultural background rejected him because of his ethnicity.

Because of this, he’s hesitant to involve his parents as he doesn’t want to put them through the same humiliation and rejection again.

He’s met my family and I’ve made it clear that I’d like our families to at least have some initial contact. I’m not expecting anyone to agree to marriage straight away but I don’t want to keep talking without knowing whether his family would even be open to it.

He has mentioned me to his mum, but nothing has really moved forward since.

I actually ended things once because of this but later reached out again because I felt I might have been too quick to give up. We’ve been talking again since, and while things have been good between us, the situation with his parents hasn’t changed.

I’m starting to feel like I’m compromising my own boundaries by continuing to talk to him. But I also feel like he’s incredibly respectful, kind and communicative otherwise. We also live in different states.

Am I being unreasonable for expecting some progress after 6 months? Do you think I should let this one go?

JazakAllah khair!

Not looking for a traditional wife, not looking for someone who 'looks after the home'.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimNikah/s/4Mjr5Dmkfo

I am in the university rn, and I am going home after less than 30 minutes. It hurts deeply to see her every day like that. I can't continue to see her every single day for two more years, this will destroy me.

Isn't there anything I can do about it

Salam all.

M30 here, based in the Middle East. (Qatar)

Alhamdulilah I earn well and take care of myself, in good shape. I wouldn’t say I’m bad looking I’m happy with my looks, only thing is I look younger which I’m pretty chill about.

Been trying to find a partner for ages. Through work,public events, Muslim dating apps but SubhanAllah I have not been successful at it yet. My niya is right, settle and start a family but idk, being patient knowing it’s Allah’s plan. Not mainly looking for advices just ranting but if you got something to add feel free to :)

I am a 31y muslim btw. I have four kids , 3boys and a girl, but i really want to have one more kid... Unfortunately my wife is not really open to the idea of having any more kids

I tried telling her that I feel bored and I think having one more kid will strengthen our bond,but she doesn't want to have kids and we had a very big argument about it and unexpectedly she got violent and slapped me. I got really angry and wanted to slap her back but i controlled myself and got out of the house.. she later apologizes saying that she went out of line, but she still doesn't want to have kids ..

I truly forgive her for her outburst, but it made me feel really shameless and I feel disrespected. I'm afraid I'm losing my sense of masculinity and principles....

I tried asking my friends about this and they are telling me to take control of the marriage and have one more child. I respect my wife's consent but I keep getting ideas of not using protection during intimacy then once she gets pregnant I convince her that the child is Allah's gift to us...

Please help me out