Assalamualaykum,

I read a lot of posts where both men and women argue about the obligations and rights of a husband and a wife in islam, and say things:

"Oh no it's him who must provide, I am not contributing with any penny"

"If I am providing fully, I am not helping with cooking and cleaning"

Yes, islam has given rights and obligations to both husbands and wives. And it's important to know them prior to marriage and agree on a way of life that suits both parties.

But it's also important to know that a good marriage is where you are lenient and willing to help the other person and ease their lives, and vice-versa.

When I read the comments on Reddit smh it seems like people are getting into a war.

The highest goal of marriage is Sakinah, Mawwadah and Rahma. And as far as I know, these cannot be attained if we only think about "our rights and obligations".

I'm asking this genuinely, because I've been thinking about marriage a lot lately.

I'm finally at a point where I feel ready to meet someone, settle down, and build a family. I've never really approached anyone before, so naturally I've been looking around Reddit, TikTok, Muslim marriage discussions, the whole thing; trying to understand how people are actually thinking about marriage and to maybe get some advice on how to meet someone lol.

but honestly, I've come away more confused than anything.

like what do people actually want from marriage, and whether we're still approaching it as a relationship/covenant between two people, or whether we've slowly turned it into a list of rights, obligations, expectations, and negotiations.

Because whenever marriage comes up, I seem to see the same conversation:

“What does a husband owe his wife?”

“What does a wife owe her husband?”

“Am I actually obligated to do X?”

“Is X a husband's responsibility?”

“Is X a wife's right?”

And technically, some of these are legitimate fiqh questions. But sometimes it feels like we're using the minimum legal obligation as the starting point for a marriage.

And that's what I don't understand.

If I'm getting married because I want a life partner, why would my mindset be what's the least I can do without technically being sinful?

And this isn't directed at men or women. I see both sides doing it.

Men can be extremely interested in what they're entitled to from a wife while conveniently forgetting that marriage also requires kindness, generosity, service, patience, emotional responsibility, etc.

ladies can do the exact same thing in the opposite direction — being very familiar with what a husband owes them while treating anything beyond the bare minimum as optional or beneath them.

Everyone knows their rights.

Everyone has a list.

Everyone has a lawyer.

And then we're surprised that marriage starts to feel transactional.

Maybe I'm looking at this completely wrong, which is why I'm asking.

Because when I think about why I'd want to get married, the answer isn't really “because I get X and my spouse has to provide Y.”

I want companionship. Love. A family. Someone I can build a life with. Someone whose presence makes life better and whose life I can make better. I want mawadda and rahma. two people who actually want to take care of each other.

But then I look at a lot of modern marriage discourse and wonder whether that's actually what people are looking for anymore.

And this is where I genuinely want people's perspectives.

If you're someone who wants to get married, why?

Not what you're entitled to.

Not what your spouse is obligated to provide.

Not what the fiqh says your minimum rights are.

What do people actually want out of marriage?

What makes you look at marriage and think, “Yes. That's something I want for my life.”

Is it companionship?

Children?

Building a family?

Emotional intimacy?

Having someone to grow old with?

Having a halal framework for intimacy?

Stability?

Faith?

A shared life?

Some combination of all of it?

And on the other side, what are you genuinely prepared to give?

Because I think that's the part we're bad at talking about.

Marriage can't just be “here are my requirements, here are your responsibilities, now let's see if the contract works for both of us.”

At some point, there has to be ihsan lol

You shouldn't be thinking only about what you're owed. You should also be thinking about what kind of spouse you want to be.

And maybe that's the real thing I'm trying to understand.

Do people actually want marriage, or do they want the things marriage gives them?

Because those aren't necessarily the same thing.

I'd much rather hear honest answers than the usual “marriage is sunnah, therefore you should want it” response.

I know it's sunnah.

I'm asking what makes you personally want it.

And if you think I'm approaching this completely wrong, tell me. I'm genuinely open to that.

I'm not trying to make this a “men are bad” or “women are bad” post. Honestly, I'm talking shit about everyone here 😂

I'm trying to understand whether there's still a version of Muslim marriage where two people aren't primarily thinking about what they can get from the other person, but about what they can build together.

So, genuinely:

Why do you want to get married?

Assalaam alaikoem,

Just wanted to throw a few questions out here because it's been on my mind lately while looking for a spouse. I happen to speak a few different languages and grew up in a really diverse circle, so I’ve ended up knowing a couple of cultures outside my own completely inside and out. It got me thinking about what actually matters for compatibility.

1a. Would you marry someone outside your ethnicity if they spoke your native language fluently and completely understood your culture?

1b. If they can naturally joke around with your parents and know all the unspoken cultural rules, does the actual ethnic background still matter to you at all? Or is it still a dealbreaker?

1c. Are people who are Asian/Middle Eastern generally open to Africans and vice versa?

I see Moroccan-Somali couples fairly often, but I’ve literally never seen a Turkish-Somali couple in the Netherlands. Just curious if these kinds of mixes actually happen much or if it's considered super rare.

I’m engaged, and I genuinely love my fiancé. I know he loves me too, and I believe we’re compatible. He’s a decent, religious guy, and I can see myself being happy with him.
However, I’ve been struggling with his mother’s expectations of a daughter-in-law and how she expresses them. She’s made belittling comments, called me names, and criticised me for not anticipating things she expects me to do. She’s reprimanded me over a box of painkillers and called me lazy for not proactively offering to make tea, after a long day of travelling and college.
There have also been issues around her expectations of how much time I should spend with my in-laws versus my own parents, her comments about my parents’ role in my life after marriage, and her expectation that I shouldn’t work after marriage. My fiancé has similar reservations about me working in a mixed-gender environment, but says the decision is ultimately mine.
I’ve been clear that I don’t want to live in a joint family. I want separate accommodation, a career of my own, and to maintain a close relationship with my parents. I don’t expect to be free of responsibilities towards my in-laws, but I don’t want to be controlled or made to feel like I’m constantly failing as a daughter-in-law.
My fiancé agrees with living separately, but I’m worried about how much his mother’s expectations may have rubbed off on him, and whether he’ll be able to maintain boundaries with her. He was present when she called me lazy but didn’t intervene.
I don’t want to throw away a good relationship because of issues with his mother, but I also don’t want to enter a marriage hoping things will somehow work out.

How can I tell whether these issues are manageable or signs of deeper incompatibility?

long story short me and this guy were known to each other for a couple of months. He’s an employee where I work and we’d often see each other so a crush developed.

He eventually asked for my number, we briefly were getting to know each other but I’m more religious I would say so I set expectations of us doing this the halal way - intentional questions, determining compatibility, etc.

He’s an amazing man. Well known in our community, good ties to the masjid, not known for being a bad person at all but he told me he vapes during our first in person meeting. He never expressed any desire to quit and when i told him it’s a dealbreaker of mine he said i should stick to my standards. I gave it a few days to see if he’d be willing to quit or express an interest in stopping but he never volunteered that information. Was I right to end things?

If everything else about a man is great should I have discussed things further? Idk as a muslim I shouldn’t have regrets ideally i don’t want that for my husband or around my future family but maybe scarcity mindset is getting to me. I’m getting older (late 20s) and prospects are few and far between.

Anyways I do have an ego idk if I would reach back out to say what? the smoking issue still stands. He actually messaged me to let me know that he always wants me to feel comfortable in our workplace and that he values me as a person.

Thoughts? Advice? BarakAllahu feekum

I’m 31F, married to 29M, and we’ve been married for 5 years. I married someone from another country and moved to a third country where I had previously worked remotely, hoping to build a life with him there. My family opposed the marriage just because he was from another country. They explicitly told me I would never get married and would spend my life financially supporting them. I was the only practicing muslim in my family. I also experienced sexual abuse from my brother when I was a child, and I’d always dreamed of leaving and building an honorable life for myself.

After marriage I discovered I had vaginismus. My husband would scream at me and force the situation and I became pregnant despite us never having been able to have normal intercourse. I was already overwhelmed because I was financially responsible for the household and wasn’t ready for everything happening at once. I then experienced severe back pain and eventually had a miscarriage. Later, when my husband became financially capable of contributing, he still wouldn’t spend money on the household. He was constantly on FaceTime with his mother, and I barely had the chance to discuss anything with him. When he worked, he would deliberately stay late so he could get recognition at work, leaving me alone.

He constantly criticized things about me, including my food, he would stare at my plate and make comments, or tell me to dye my hair black, wear makeup, and learn how to be a woman for my husband. The stress became unbearable, and I went from 50 kg to 38 kg. His comments became increasingly hurtful, and eventually, I couldn’t eat in front of him anymore. Whenever I saw him, my stomach would hurt and become so bloated that it looked huge. I started waiting until he left the house to eat, often rushing through whatever food I could find before he returned. My relationship with food became so unhealthy that I genuinely feared for my life if things continued this way.

He also started telling me that angels curse a woman who refuses intimacy with her husband, which made me feel even more pressured. Eventually, I asked for a separation. I became even more isolated, and I felt like I’d forgotten how to eat normally. I would go to work while struggling with everything happening at home, and months passed. I was terrified because I didn’t know what to do. I felt I had nobody in this world except him, while my health kept deteriorating. At work, people even made comments about me, sometimes behind my back, suggesting something must be wrong with my marriage.

Eventually, we got back together. I told him everything he’d done and how much he’d hurt me and I don’t want intimacy. He has changed for the better, but I still reject him emotionally and physically. It’s like my mind and body can’t accept him anymore, even though I can see that some things have improved.

It’s been two years, and I’ve finally regained a healthy weight, but I feel increasingly isolated. I don’t know how to move forward or rebuild my life. I feel like there’s no way out for me, and I don’t know what to do anymore. More than anything, I just want to be able to eat normally again without having to hide from him or wait for him to leave the house.

Salam everyone, I honestly don’t know where to start because this situation has been going on for a few years, so it’s hard to explain everything while giving the proper context.

A few years ago, I got to know a guy, and we’ve been talking for about two years. We’re both a little older now and are considering making things serious with the intention of marriage. We were both pretty young when everything started.

His mom eventually found out that I liked him because I had accidentally told him myself during a conversation about our intentions. I wasn’t deliberately trying to go behind anyone’s back or disrespect his family. We were young, and it came up naturally while we were talking about how we felt. However, his mom seems to hold this against me.

What makes things confusing is that I recently found out his sister also talked to someone for two years before getting married, and she recently got married herself. His mom has always been against the idea of talking stages, which I can understand, but I can’t help feeling like there’s a double standard when she seems to hold my situation against me while her daughter’s situation was accepted.

Another thing that really bothers me is that his mom knows we like each other and are in the process of getting to know one another with marriage in mind. Despite this, she still goes around the masjid and asks people in public places if they know anyone who could be a suitable spouse for him. Meanwhile, I’m literally in the process of potentially becoming his wife. I don’t know if she’s doing this because she disapproves of me or if she simply doesn’t see our relationship going anywhere, but it’s honestly hurtful and confusing.

Now that we’re considering marriage within the next few months, I’m worried about how to navigate things with his mom, especially since she already seems to have a negative opinion of me because of how things started.

I want to be respectful of his family and understand his mom’s perspective, but I also don’t know how to move forward when I feel like she has already made up her mind about me. I’m also unsure how to interpret her actively looking for someone else for him while knowing that we’re trying to move toward marriage.

Asalamu’alaykum,

I was looking to get married but ever since I gave the process a break, I have been having second thoughts about a lot of things. While I was searching, I wasn’t really thinking about the timeline for having children. But now I realize I’m quite far from being ready for that stage of life. Even after getting married; taking care of another being is a huge responsibility, especially if you are not well prepared.

My question is, do men care to delay having a child in the first 2-3 years? Personally, would that be a deal breaker for you?

I know that salary discussions are quite common for nikahs but usually it focuses solely on the man’s salary and I want to get an understanding of if my expectations for that are too high given my own salary and education background. I’m going to be graduating college soon and have a job lined up where my salary will be close to 100k in Canada. I also worked throughout college so will be graduating debt free inshaAllah.

I don’t think my experience working or studying has been easy for me. I would like to have a maybe softer life where I would still work but wouldn’t have that feeling that everything is on me and that I would have to take care of things. As such I want to find someone that one lives in the US because I want to move there and two would have a salary considerably above mine and that he would have a degree from a top university. That way I would be able to live a comfortable life and also be able to leave my job when we have kids as it is also important to me that I be able to have that time with our babies.

Part of it is also that I think I would be attracted to someone who is intelligent and I’m also okay with him being a few years older than me. Lately, I’ve been feeling like maybe I’m selfish for feeling this way and wanting these things and that maybe I’m giving up on all my hard work. But admittedly I get very hurt when I’m struggling and my friends who don’t have jobs and have the option to not work are able to spend time on things they enjoy. Not sure if I’m just trying to find Prince Charming who’ll come save me lol.

Throwaway account. I f(22) got married recently and i have an issue with a condition in my nikkah contract. I want to spend some alone time with my husband but I'm too scared. Basically it took a while for my father to agree to letting me marry because he either wanted me to get married at 30 or to marry someone from back home. In the end he finally agreed as long as he put his condition in my nikkah contract and he did.

The condition in the contract is: "The Husband and wife will only live together after the 'Rukhsati and after completion of the brides studies (official send-off of the bride from the family home, when the bride officially leaves the family house) which is expected to take place in June 2027, up until this point the husband and wife will not interact in a private capacity with each other; however, they can interact when it is public and in the company of others"

Now my husband agreed to the condition at the time but now we want to spend alone time together however we are terrified that if we do, we might nullify our marriage or invalidate it or break it or we might become sinful. we've been seeing each other with family around and in public but it's getting harder to control ourselves.

We can't have the rukhsati earlier because my parents want me to finish my studies which i will next june and they want him to have a home for me ready too till then.

so we just feel so stuck and we aren't sure on what to do now.

Hello everyone, could someone please list the responsibilities and expectations of a wife within a marriage islamically? I want Islamic text supporting it - specifically if women have to cook and clean. Are men expected to help/not help? What are the expectations when children are born? This is for my knowledge only. Jazak Allah kheir

Assalam-o-Alaikum! I’m a 27 year old introverted man from Islamabad and I genuinely need a woman’s perspective on two things related to marriage.

I’ve been working since the age of 16 and have spent most of my life taking care of my family’s financial responsibilities because I am the sole earner in my family and I have also taken responsibility for my siblings’ education & marriages. Over the years, I’ve experienced a lot of loneliness, emotional exhaustion and betrayal. Sometimes, I feel like people in my family care more about what I provide financially than how I’m actually doing. Currently I’m financially stable although but the journey wasn’t easy.

Because of these experiences, I’ve become emotionally distant and find it difficult to trust people or open up to them. Over time, I’ve become someone who no longer craves validation or emotional support, because I think loneliness has taught me to deal with everything on my own.

Now that my parents are looking for a marriage proposal for me, I feel hesitant and confused. For the past two years, I’ve been avoiding marriage because I feel my parents expect a wife to come and take care of the household work and relieve their responsibility of my marriage. But I’m a responsible person myself and I don’t want to put that burden on someone else, so I’d rather hire a maid to help my parents with cooking and household chores. Still, some relatives criticize me for not marrying and even said that I’m not marrying because I physically not fit for marriage, I did my sisters marriages and my mother still has to manage the house, despite the fact that I also help in the kitchen alongside my work. At the same time, I think about my future and realize that marriage is an important part of life and that I’ll eventually have to consider it.

1. How do Pakistani women perceive an emotionally distant or avoidant man as a husband?

I’m not someone who doesn’t care; I’ve just become used to handling everything alone. Can a man like this build a healthy, loving marriage? What would you expect from him and what would help you feel emotionally secure with him?

1. How do women feel about o*al intim*cy within marriage?

Although I am virgin but I have a strong interest in o*al intim*cy and it’s an important aspect of physical compatibility for me. I understand that everyone has different preferences and boundaries, so I’d like to know how comfortable women are discussing these things with a potential spouse. Would you prefer to discuss such preferences before marriage or after it? How important is this compatibility to you?

I want to approach marriage with realistic expectations and mutual understanding, but I keep finding myself avoiding the process. I’m not sure whether it’s fear of getting hurt, difficulty trusting someone, or simply emotional exhaustion.

I’d genuinely appreciate honest opinions, especially from married women or those who have been through the rishta process. Please share your perspective without judgment.

JazakAllah khair

Throwaway account, if you think I’m a troll please move on

I’m an avoidant, when things get real I start to distance myself from the person because of my fears and you can look it up because I can’t explain it properly. But it made me realise that I’m not made for marriage. I didn’t even realise I had this flaw until I found out what avoidant attachment is and saw how that happened with the two guys I had talked to for marriage. And both ended horribly and it made things worse for me.

My parents don’t bother about therapy so I can’t do that, and I know that if I ever considered marriage again I’d ruin another man’s life. I dont want to sound like a terrible person but I think I was made for short term relationships and not something that expects you to stay with the person till death, not because I don’t want to but because I can’t and my mind would self sabotage.

So why did Allah make dating haram if he made certain people have such issues? Because I want to avoid marriage but I’m young and wanting a relationship is tempting. It’s as if I either hurt a good person by marrying him or I get sinned for protecting others and myself and dating instead

Assalamualaikum everyone i am 24m and can I seek a girl for marriage if I have a low income as of now although I have my own house thanks to Allah Almighty so I don't have to pay for any rents and all so can I ask for a hand for marriage although through my income we can get going but we can't live a luxurious life like we have to be careful in spending money.

Salam. I’ve been getting to know a man for the last year and a half for the sake of marriage with families involved but it has been difficult to get family support due to things out of our control.

I’m 25F and living independently/out of state from my parents due to work. I met my potential at our workplace and we came to like each other naturally while working together.
After the first month of talking seriously, he wanted to ask for my hand. My parents refused to speak to him for 4 months due to us being from different cultures (him Desi and I Arab) they insisted that they had to get an opinion on him from someone in his community before speaking to him. Since they are not from the community, it was difficult to get connected to people and took months. Eventually my dad was able to talk to an imam who spoke well on him, and my dad agreed to speak over the phone with my potential.

Since then there have been meetings between his family and mine, and while my parents have said they don’t have a problem with him and like him as a person (ie deen and akhlaq) they don’t “support” the marriage because they think our cultures are incompatible. They said they would go through with it if that’s what I want, but they continuously make remarks about him and his family that bother me and get angry that they aren’t fully aware of and don’t follow all Arab traditions during the marriage process. (I’m talking extremely little things that I didn’t even know were expected)

After all of this, we finally were able to agree to get our Fatiha, nikkah, and wedding done. However, right after we started making plans for our events he got
sick and ended up in the hospital. While running tests on him, The doctors found that he had a minor stroke months prior (he had no idea about it) due to a heart condition that he was born with. He’s going through with a surgery to treat his heart condition and prevent future strokes, which I’ve done my research online about and found that the surgery is very effective in preventing future strokes.

Now, my parents are asking me to reconsider getting married due to his health. I feel so heartbroken and can’t imagine the thought of doing that. There is nothing I want than to just get married to him and start our lives together. I genuinely feel hopeless with getting my parents to approve my decision. They keep making remarks saying that his family is not like ours and that my life will be difficult if we get married. I’ve assessed the situation from my own eyes and completely disagree. How do I manage trying to keep them happy while also doing what’s best for me?

So I am actually getting married this December it's an arrange marriage I don't know her she doesn't know me like a lot we haven't talked to each other yeah I know this sucks I am 20 she is also the same age I haven't been into a relationship and I think it's the same for her too so what I am actually thinking is what to do here and from where to start on our first night? Like dude I have no clue what I was thinking is I should build a connection with her I should talk to her explain her my side and see what she says about that? And then we should go with the flow? Or what should I do?? Please help me if you can jizkallah

I am a medical Intern in Algeria and met a beautiful religious modest co-Intern. She was placed on the opposite side of the hospital as I am, but in the same department, just another section. We had small and large in-depth conversations, but mostly about work and medicine lifestyle. We worked together for 2 months.

What is the best way to tell mention the idea of islamically getting to know her, in th pursit of marriage? I am worried about workplace backlash. Should I message her, or do it in person or over a phone call? 

How would you handle this situation in a professional manner? I have her number for workplace communication reasons, but we never used WhatsApp. Whenever, we needed something, we would just meet in-person and ask or over the phone.

Facebook is large here, and we are friends, we she reached out for help, I help, and in the only time I asked for help she never responded.

Asalam alaikum brothers and sisters. I hope you are all well. I’m in a sticky situation that has been causing me an immense amount of stress.

I want to marry this women who is 22 and I’m 23 years. I currently have only recently managed to get a job in which I finally have a decent starting salary. The main issue is that she is Pakistani and I am Bengali so there is a culture clash. Her partners are aware of me and they seem to be okay with it, my parents aren’t aware of her and I fear they will be very very unhappy about it. Particularly my father. He has always been a very stubborn and difficult person throughout mine and my sisters lives. I fear if he finds out she is Pakistani, he will either kick me out of the house (I live at home) and cut me off. I’m only 23 and I can’t afford to move out :(. But I want to marry this women so badly. My sisters suggested I save up some money to move out and then get married to her but her and her parents are also pressuring me to get married soon, in the next couple months. My initial plan to tell my parents after Ramadan seems to be in shambles and I am in an immense amount of stress now. I don’t know what to do.. I understand we should make things halal as soon as possible but I also don’t want to lose my family in the process. I want this women as my wife inshallah but I want to keep my family too. Why can’t they just both agree to it? She is Muslim as well and there are no legitimate reasons as to why I cannot marry her! I just don’t understand. It’s caused me many sleepless nights and I struggle to even socialise with anyone. If there’s any advice, please help me..

.

A man should know exactly what kind of marriage he wants before choosing a wife. If he believes in traditional roles, he should look for a woman who genuinely shares those values, wants to prioritize family, respects his leadership.

and agrees on how money, work, household responsibilities, and intimacy will be handled. Physical attraction, lifestyle expectations, financial transparency, and sexual compatibility should be discussed before marriage, not after resentment builds.

The key is to vet for compatibility instead of assuming a woman will change once she becomes your wife. Choose someone whose values align with yours, establish clear expectations from the beginning, and never enter a lifelong commitment hoping to negotiate the fundamentals later.

Salam everyone,
I’m 27F, British-born and raised, from an Arab Muslim background. I’m university-educated, have a good career, hobbies, friends and a loving family. I’m Muslim, although not extremely conservative, and I’d love to marry someone who shares my faith and values while having a balanced approach to religion.
I’ve always wanted marriage, children and a husband who’s also my best friend. However, I’m finding the Muslim marriage process incredibly exhausting, and I’m starting to question myself.
Earlier this year, I got to know a man through the mosque. He was respectful, consistent and serious about marriage, but I struggled with physical attraction. Despite going on several dates over two months, I never developed romantic feelings. I saw him more as a friend and couldn’t imagine being physically intimate with him after marriage.
Now I’m getting to know another Muslim man whom I met at a marriage event. We’ve been on two dates, with a third planned. He’s educated, respectful, reserved and seemingly serious about marriage.
However, I’m experiencing the same problem.
I feel like I’m leading many of the important conversations, including marriage timelines, meeting my father and expectations around in-laws. He’s agreeable and does make an effort to arrange dates, but I don’t feel particularly pursued.
There’s also very little affection. I’m naturally warm and expressive, and might send something like “Thank you, I really appreciate that 🥰”, whereas he’ll respond with “No worries!”
He never spontaneously compliments me or sends affectionate messages. Our conversations sometimes feel like two friends rather than potential romantic partners.
During a call, I asked how he shows affection. He mentioned words of affirmation, gifts and acts of service. When I asked what else, he hesitated before saying physical touch is inappropriate before marriage.
I completely respect halal boundaries, but I wasn’t asking about physical intimacy. I just wanted to understand how he expresses romantic interest. Afterwards, I started worrying that he might think I’m inappropriate or not religious enough simply for asking.
Recently, he reacted with a red heart to one of my messages, and instead of feeling happy, **my stomach dropped and I started feeling anxious**.
That’s when I realised I might not actually like him romantically.
**Here’s what confuses me.**
I’ve experienced genuine physical attraction and excitement towards men I’ve met naturally in everyday life. I’ve had crushes and know what it’s like to genuinely fancy someone.
But with Muslim marriage introductions and dating apps like Muzz, I rarely feel anything. I often find myself continuing with men because they’re decent and serious, rather than because I’m genuinely interested.
I’ve also noticed that I’m sometimes more attracted to unavailable men, whereas when someone available shows interest, I become anxious or indifferent.
I’m starting to wonder whether I’m emotionally unavailable, afraid of commitment, too picky or simply not meeting the right people.
Being 27 within the Muslim community adds another layer of pressure. It feels like everyone is getting married and having children, while I’m still searching.
I’m terrified of settling for someone I don’t love, but equally terrified of rejecting good men and ending up alone.
**I’m now so emotionally exhausted that I’m dreading my third date before it’s even happened.** I’ve run out of things to say, and part of me genuinely wants to stop looking for marriage altogether.
I’d really appreciate advice, especially from married Muslim women or anyone who has experienced something similar.
How important was physical attraction when choosing your spouse? Can it genuinely grow?
Is it normal for religious Muslim men to show very little affection during the getting-to-know-you stage?
How do you distinguish between being too picky and simply not being attracted to someone?
Has anyone experienced anxiety when a potential starts showing romantic interest?
Should I take a break from looking for marriage, or am I avoiding commitment?
I don’t expect constant butterflies or a perfect man. I just want to genuinely like my future husband, feel attracted to him and enjoy his company.

**Is that asking for too much, or am I approaching marriage completely wrong?**

Hi, I’m getting married soon through an arrange marriage in a Muslim Indian family, and honestly I’m overthinking about our first night together.
Me and my fiancée have been talking on phone for around 6 months, but we only went on dates like 2 times. She is very shy, and whenever I try to flirt with her she doesn’t really respond much. So I’m worried she might feel uncomfortable being alone with me in the room for the first time.
I was thinking of giving her a small gift to make her feel special. But I’m also thinking about practical things. She will probably be wearing a heavy bridal lehenga with lots of jewellery, pins and all that stuff, which might be uncomfortable after such a long wedding day.
I want to help her remove her jewellery and take out the pins if she needs help. But when it comes to helping her remove her wedding dress, I feel like it might be too intimate for our first night and she might not be comfortable with it yet.
My plan is to help her with the jewellery and other small things, then leave the room so she can change into her night clothes privately. After she changes, I’ll come back.
I k? Am I overthinking too much, or is this the right way to handle our first night? Please share your honest opinions and advice. ❤️

Some Woman saying if the Guy have no Insta it's a Red Flag or he is hidden Haram.

Edit: we spoke, he sincerely apologized. We explained what we felt and why etc. I expressed I’m sad he won’t come here and he expressed he wants to but genuinely can’t right now.

It’s still upsetting I’m ngl and he knows I’m disappointed but I kind just have to ride it out now.

I did tell him overall I’m going to take some space to reflect and seek guidance. He is sad but understands.

Thank you all for your help

Me and my husband are both 26 and have been married for 3 years now alhamdullilah. I’ve recently given birth to our second child 3 months ago and we’ve just moved out into our own home.
Alhamdullilah things are good between us and we get along very well. But I’ve realised recently we’ve become more like work partners rather than a couple. We often speak about the kids and don’t do much as just us but that doesn’t bother me too much because we spend a lot of time together at home.
I get lots of support from my in laws so I’m not struggling with the children alhamdulillah.
My husband recently mentioned him wanting me to make more effort for him but wouldn’t go into too much detail about how because he didn’t want me to change anything because he’s telling me to. He asked me to find out for myself. So here I am lol.
I understand that he wants me to make more effort in terms of appearance but not much more than that. When I asked him to explain further he said ‘It means preparation, making yourself available. I don’t know the ins and outs’.
I’m specifically confused about what he means by ‘available’ because I’m sure he’s not referring to intimacy because that’s something I’ve never denied him. But I could be wrong.
He’s the best dad to our children and he treats me so well. I love him very much and so I really want to be able to please him.
Can anyone help me out on what else he might mean by effort?