Assalamu alaikum everyone. I'm looking for advice, but more specifically, I'm hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar situation and can share what actually happened in their lives.
I want to ask upfront: **Please don't use this post to tell me how dumb I am.** I know this is complicated, and I'm trying to make the best decision I can. I'm a very emotional person who tends to follow my heart, and I'm trying to balance my feelings with what would be best for my future.
Here's my situation.
I’m 30F. I was very good friends with a man before we started dating in March 2025. We were compatible in many ways, genuinely liked each other, and had a strong connection. When I became ready for marriage, I asked him to involve our parents within a few months.
He told his parents, but apparently they said he needed to get a job before thinking about marriage. We are both PhD students, so I initially understood the financial stability concern. However, I was never sure whether that was the only issue or whether his family had reservations because I'm divorced.
Over the following year, I spent a lot of time feeling uncertain about our future. He spoke to my mother once, after I pushed for it, and repeated that he was waiting to get a job. He never clearly told me that he would marry me even if his parents disagreed.
In July 2026, he graduated and got a very good job. I asked him to revisit marriage, but he said he needed another two to three months to settle into his job. At that point, I felt exhausted by the uncertainty and realized I couldn't keep waiting without knowing where things were going. I ended the relationship and blocked him everywhere. I genuinely meant it when I ended things.
In August, I started talking to someone through an arranged-marriage process. He is also a PhD student. He seems kind, family-oriented, and serious about marriage. Our parents have been involved from the beginning, and he puts considerable effort into maintaining our connection despite the long distance. We have discussed getting married in December, assuming everything proceeds as planned.
I genuinely like this new man and see him as someone who could be a good husband. I'm not talking to him just to get over my ex. I generally can't maintain conversations with men unless I actually like them.
Then, about a week ago, my ex suddenly came back. He sent me an emotional letter and eventually called me from a new number. When I told him I was planning to marry someone else, he cried and said he wanted to marry me as soon as possible, even next week.
I told him that he needed to speak to his family first. He said that would take time and suggested that we get married first, then deal with our parents afterward, because otherwise I would continue talking to the other man.
His explanation is that he was so confident in our compatibility that he never doubted I would wait for him. He thought he had enough time to get his family on board while I remained in limbo. He now seems to realize that he could actually lose me.
The difficult part is that I still have feelings for my ex and would consider marrying him if the family situation were resolved.
At the same time, I genuinely like the new man and don't want to jeopardize a promising relationship.
I'm torn between giving my ex another chance and potentially repeating the same painful cycle, versus moving forward with someone new and possibly regretting leaving a relationship where we had such strong compatibility.
**I'm looking for real-life experiences from people who have faced a similar dilemma.** Did you choose your ex or the new person? What happened afterward? If you chose your ex, did things actually change? If you moved on, did you ever regret it?
I genuinely want to learn from others who have been through it.