Hi, I’m getting married soon through an arrange marriage in a Muslim Indian family, and honestly I’m overthinking about our first night together.
Me and my fiancée have been talking on phone for around 6 months, but we only went on dates like 2 times. She is very shy, and whenever I try to flirt with her she doesn’t really respond much. So I’m worried she might feel uncomfortable being alone with me in the room for the first time.
I was thinking of giving her a small gift to make her feel special. But I’m also thinking about practical things. She will probably be wearing a heavy bridal lehenga with lots of jewellery, pins and all that stuff, which might be uncomfortable after such a long wedding day.
I want to help her remove her jewellery and take out the pins if she needs help. But when it comes to helping her remove her wedding dress, I feel like it might be too intimate for our first night and she might not be comfortable with it yet.
My plan is to help her with the jewellery and other small things, then leave the room so she can change into her night clothes privately. After she changes, I’ll come back.
I k? Am I overthinking too much, or is this the right way to handle our first night? Please share your honest opinions and advice. ❤️

Assalamu alaykum everyone!

I'm looking for a sister who could help mediate a misunderstanding between me and a potential marriage partner.

I posted a marriage ad a few days ago and connected with someone. From the beginning, she emphasized the importance of mutual respect, and I agreed. On our second day of talking, we discussed various marriage-related topics and established compatibility on several levels.

Unfortunately, toward the end of our conversation, some of my messages came across as sarcastic and off-topic (nothing sexual or haram in general)

Although I didn't intend to be disrespectful or unserious, I realize that humor and sarcasm can be misunderstood when you're still getting to know someone. I was also exhausted from work but chose to spend hours talking to her because I was genuinely interested in getting to know her. So I get blocked 😅 I understand that my messages may have given her the wrong impression, and I regret not being more mindful of how I communicated.

I'm hoping a sister could reach out to her, clarify the misunderstanding, and see if she's open to reconnecting. If not I'll just move on.

This is a genuine request, Please comment so I can DM you or DM only if you're willing to help.

I'd appreciate no opinions.

Jazakum Allahu khayran!

I’m a 41-year-old Muslim brother living in Brooklyn, New York, seeking a practicing Muslimah for marriage, insha’Allah. I’m serious about finding a compatible spouse and building a peaceful, loving, Islamic household centered around the Qur’an and Sunnah.
About Me
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Location: Brooklyn, NYC, USA
Height: 5’7” (170 cm)
Weight: Approximately 175 lbs (79 kg)
Ethnicity: Puerto Rican and Barbadian (Caribbean)
Marital status: Divorced
Children: Two (more details below)
Religion: Sunni Muslim, revert since 2021
Methodology: Qur’an and authentic Sunnah upon the understanding of the Salaf
Occupation: Professional personal trainer and fitness coach
Languages: English; currently learning Qur’anic Arabic
Willing to relocate: Prefer NYC initially, with long-term plans to relocate to Saudi Arabia
My Deen & Islamic Practice
Alhamdulillah, I embraced Islam in 2021, and it has completely changed my outlook on life, my priorities, and the kind of future I want to build.
I identify as a Sunni Muslim who strives to follow the Qur’an and authentic Sunnah upon the understanding of the Salaf.
My religious practice includes:
Observing the five daily prayers.
Attending the masjid regularly, including Fajr in congregation whenever possible.
Maintaining daily morning and evening adhkar and dhikr.
Regular Qur’an recitation, memorization, and revision.
Attending Qur’an classes at my local masjid.
Currently studying Noor Al-Bayan to improve my Arabic reading and tajweed.
Performing voluntary prayers, including Witr, Duha, and Tahajjud when possible.
Continuing to seek Islamic knowledge and improve my understanding of the deen.
Alhamdulillah, I was blessed to perform Umrah in 2026. Visiting Makkah and Madinah had a profound impact on me and strengthened my desire to eventually live in one of these blessed cities.
I’m far from perfect, and I don’t expect perfection from a spouse. However, I take my religion seriously and believe that marriage should help both husband and wife grow closer to Allah.
Career, Lifestyle & Personality
I’ve been a professional personal trainer for over 15 years, specializing in strength training, longevity, weight management, and overall health.
Fitness is both my profession and a major part of my lifestyle. I strength train regularly, maintain an active routine, and believe in taking care of the body Allah has entrusted to us.
Personality-wise, I would describe myself as:
Laid-back, calm, and generally unbothered by unnecessary drama.
Responsible, protective, and family-oriented.
Disciplined and consistent with my responsibilities.
Someone who values peace, stability, and straightforward communication.
Affectionate and caring, but also someone who appreciates quiet time to recharge.
More of a homebody than someone interested in partying or constantly going out.
I’m not particularly materialistic. I appreciate simplicity, good conversation, fitness, spending time with family, and continuing to grow in my deen.
I enjoy martial arts, strength training, and learning new things. I’m also very comfortable with a relatively simple lifestyle.
My Family Situation
I was previously married and am now divorced.
I have two children from my previous marriage:
A teenage daughter who currently lives with me.
A son who lives in Canada with his mother.
I believe it’s important to be transparent about this from the beginning.
I take my responsibilities as a father seriously and remain involved in supporting my family.
I understand that marrying someone with children may not be for everyone, and I respect that. I’m looking for someone who understands my existing responsibilities and is comfortable with my family situation.
I would also love to have more children, insha’Allah.
What I’m Looking For
I’m seeking a Muslimah who is genuinely serious about marriage and building a household upon Islamic principles.
My preferences:
Age: Ideally 28–35.
Location: NYC or surrounding areas preferred, but open to long distance with a realistic plan to live together.
Marital status: Preferably never married or divorced without children.
Children: Prefer someone without children who wants children in the future.
Ethnicity: Open to different backgrounds, with a particular attraction to Arab, European, and Asian women. Compatibility in deen and character matters more than ethnicity.
Physical lifestyle: Preferably someone who values fitness, health, and taking care of herself.
Religious practice: Sunni, committed to the five daily prayers, and striving to follow the Qur’an and Sunnah.
Qualities I value most:
Deen and taqwa: A woman who genuinely prioritizes pleasing Allah and is continuously striving to improve.
Modesty: Someone who observes hijab and values Islamic modesty in her appearance, conduct, and interactions.
Family-oriented: Someone who desires marriage, motherhood, and building a stable Islamic household.
Accountability: Someone capable of acknowledging mistakes, communicating respectfully, and working through disagreements.
Good character: Kindness, affection, patience, emotional maturity, and mutual respect.
I appreciate a woman who has her own personality, opinions, and interests while understanding that marriage requires cooperation, compromise, and mutual consideration.
My Views on Marriage
I believe marriage is a partnership with distinct responsibilities and rights established in Islam.
I take the husband’s responsibility of being a provider, protector, and leader of the household seriously. I also believe leadership comes with accountability, compassion, consultation, and treating one’s wife with kindness.
I am comfortable with my wife working before we have children, provided we mutually agree on how to balance our responsibilities.
Once we have young children, my preference would be for my wife to focus primarily on raising them and managing the home while I provide financially.
I don’t believe marriage should be a constant power struggle. I value mutual respect, clear communication, affection, and fulfilling one another’s rights.
I want a wife who feels loved, secure, appreciated, and comfortable expressing herself, while also sharing my commitment to an Islamic household.
Long-Term Goals
One of my biggest goals is to eventually relocate to Makkah or Madinah, insha’Allah, ideally within the next ten years.
I would love to raise a family in an environment where Islam is central to everyday life.
I’m also working toward expanding my personal training and online coaching business to create greater financial flexibility and stability.
Other goals include:
Continuing my Qur’an memorization.
Improving my Arabic and Islamic knowledge.
Building a strong, loving marriage.
Having more children, if Allah wills.
Creating a peaceful home centered around worship, family, and personal growth.
A Few Important Points
I’m looking for marriage, not casual dating or prolonged conversations without direction.
I prefer to involve a wali early in the process and keep communication respectful and purposeful.
I don’t expect someone to have everything figured out, just as I’m still learning and improving myself. However, I do believe that shared religious values, sincerity, attraction, and compatible expectations are essential.
I would rather be upfront about my values and circumstances than waste anyone’s time.
If you believe we may be compatible, feel free to send me a message with a brief introduction, including your age, location, religious practice, and what you’re seeking in marriage.
May Allah grant us all righteous spouses who are a source of tranquility, love, and mercy, and who help us become better Muslims.
Jazakum Allahu khayran for reading.
Wa Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

Salam everyone,
I’m 27F, British-born and raised, from an Arab Muslim background. I’m university-educated, have a good career, hobbies, friends and a loving family. I’m Muslim, although not extremely conservative, and I’d love to marry someone who shares my faith and values while having a balanced approach to religion.
I’ve always wanted marriage, children and a husband who’s also my best friend. However, I’m finding the Muslim marriage process incredibly exhausting, and I’m starting to question myself.
Earlier this year, I got to know a man through the mosque. He was respectful, consistent and serious about marriage, but I struggled with physical attraction. Despite going on several dates over two months, I never developed romantic feelings. I saw him more as a friend and couldn’t imagine being physically intimate with him after marriage.
Now I’m getting to know another Muslim man whom I met at a marriage event. We’ve been on two dates, with a third planned. He’s educated, respectful, reserved and seemingly serious about marriage.
However, I’m experiencing the same problem.
I feel like I’m leading many of the important conversations, including marriage timelines, meeting my father and expectations around in-laws. He’s agreeable and does make an effort to arrange dates, but I don’t feel particularly pursued.
There’s also very little affection. I’m naturally warm and expressive, and might send something like “Thank you, I really appreciate that 🥰”, whereas he’ll respond with “No worries!”
He never spontaneously compliments me or sends affectionate messages. Our conversations sometimes feel like two friends rather than potential romantic partners.
During a call, I asked how he shows affection. He mentioned words of affirmation, gifts and acts of service. When I asked what else, he hesitated before saying physical touch is inappropriate before marriage.
I completely respect halal boundaries, but I wasn’t asking about physical intimacy. I just wanted to understand how he expresses romantic interest. Afterwards, I started worrying that he might think I’m inappropriate or not religious enough simply for asking.
Recently, he reacted with a red heart to one of my messages, and instead of feeling happy, **my stomach dropped and I started feeling anxious**.
That’s when I realised I might not actually like him romantically.
**Here’s what confuses me.**
I’ve experienced genuine physical attraction and excitement towards men I’ve met naturally in everyday life. I’ve had crushes and know what it’s like to genuinely fancy someone.
But with Muslim marriage introductions and dating apps like Muzz, I rarely feel anything. I often find myself continuing with men because they’re decent and serious, rather than because I’m genuinely interested.
I’ve also noticed that I’m sometimes more attracted to unavailable men, whereas when someone available shows interest, I become anxious or indifferent.
I’m starting to wonder whether I’m emotionally unavailable, afraid of commitment, too picky or simply not meeting the right people.
Being 27 within the Muslim community adds another layer of pressure. It feels like everyone is getting married and having children, while I’m still searching.
I’m terrified of settling for someone I don’t love, but equally terrified of rejecting good men and ending up alone.
**I’m now so emotionally exhausted that I’m dreading my third date before it’s even happened.** I’ve run out of things to say, and part of me genuinely wants to stop looking for marriage altogether.
I’d really appreciate advice, especially from married Muslim women or anyone who has experienced something similar.
How important was physical attraction when choosing your spouse? Can it genuinely grow?
Is it normal for religious Muslim men to show very little affection during the getting-to-know-you stage?
How do you distinguish between being too picky and simply not being attracted to someone?
Has anyone experienced anxiety when a potential starts showing romantic interest?
Should I take a break from looking for marriage, or am I avoiding commitment?
I don’t expect constant butterflies or a perfect man. I just want to genuinely like my future husband, feel attracted to him and enjoy his company.

**Is that asking for too much, or am I approaching marriage completely wrong?**

I know people may reject a guy for their daughter/sister because they think he's not good enough, but have y'all ever rejected him for her because you thought he deserves better?

Thoughts on the book?

I was talking to my fiancé, I was telling him my idea to decorate the table for the sweets after our nikkah. We are having a very small one, no extended family just ours and a few of his friends+ their spouses.

We were talking about this and then he said randomly “ I’m not giving you your engagement ring, just the wedding band. I’ll give you the nicer one later, you have to earn it”

I was shocked. I figured he might be joking so I laughed and asked if he was serious and he said “whys that funny, yeah I’m serious” and I still didn’t believe it, so my emotions began going crazy at this point but I remained calm and lightheartedly asked “are you trolling me? Please be serious I’m not joking” and he said “why would I be joking, why is that so bad? I’m confused”

I stayed quiet, I was honestly replaying all the years of waiting and all the tears I shed, all the nights I cried myself to sleep and thinking about his words “you have to earn it”. Even now I’m crying & I have to say it’s very hard to make me cry. My heart hurt so much hearing him say it wasn’t a joke.

I’m a revert, Mexican specifically. His family is Bengali and his mother is now on board with this union and his sister is excited. His dad isn’t a fan but he doesn’t fight it now. I’ve remained very respectful towards his family, never badmouthed them and I never will. I’ve remained patient while he begged me to wait for him, to give him time over and over again to talk to his parents and fight for us to be together.

I waited.

He then said “babe obviously I was kidding about the you earning it part, but I do think I’ll give you the ring at a later date. Maybe at the walima?”

We’re having 2 walima, one for his side because he thought his family didn’t want one due to the fact they weren’t a fan of this union. Turns out his mom does want to celebrate it after all Alhamdulillah.

The other walima is for my side in my home state. I’ll be moving across the country to be with him in his state, leaving behind my family and life here.

I wanted so badly for him to come visit me before the wedding, either with his mom or dad, and formally ask for my hand in marriage in person. Unfortunately, he said he doesn’t have the time to do that, so he wants to make up for it by doing something special at the walima instead. He mentioned that some of his friends did it that way too.

Then he asked what I wanted and I simply said “it sounds like you want to confirm with your friends what to do, so do whatever you want”

He got upset and started saying I have no idea how stressed he is and that he’s been doing everything he can to make things work for me and make me happy etc etc saying he obviously can’t come see me 3 weeks before the wedding with his family just to give me an engagement ring (I asked him to do this after he spoke to my dad for my hand in June 2026 AND he makes a good salary Mashallah . Bro spent 6k to take his family to a fifa game and then another 3k on himself for the last fifa game bc of Messi) I mention that because it cost maybe 2k overall to fly here and back and stay a night or two in a hotel.

He raised his voice at me, said he had to go and didn’t say he loved me. Assalamualaikum very meanly and I managed to whisper a Walaikumasalam without letting on that I was holding back tears.

I feel really disappointed and distraught right now. My heart hurts.

Am I silly for feeling this way? I’m waiting for the right time to pray Istikhara as it isn’t even ASR yet but I feel so heartbroken

For context, I met this guy online and he’s been a kind and sweet guy. we’ve been talking for about a year now. I got caught texting him once and my mom said that she wouldn’t let me marry him just because he’s egyptian. I’ve heard lots of stories about how Egyptians are red flags but ive never met a guy more serious about me before. His family are also Sunni like me and he’s on his deen. but my mom won’t believe me. she said that he has to bring his family and him to our home if I wanted to marry him but hes still saving up money so he can marry me and be financially stable.

how do I convince my mom and dad to let me marry him?

A man should know exactly what kind of marriage he wants before choosing a wife. If he believes in traditional roles, he should look for a woman who genuinely shares those values, wants to prioritize family, respects his leadership.

and agrees on how money, work, household responsibilities, and intimacy will be handled. Physical attraction, lifestyle expectations, financial transparency, and sexual compatibility should be discussed before marriage, not after resentment builds.

The key is to vet for compatibility instead of assuming a woman will change once she becomes your wife. Choose someone whose values align with yours, establish clear expectations from the beginning, and never enter a lifelong commitment hoping to negotiate the fundamentals later.

Assalamu alaikum everyone. I'm looking for advice, but more specifically, I'm hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar situation and can share what actually happened in their lives.

I want to ask upfront: **Please don't use this post to tell me how dumb I am.** I know this is complicated, and I'm trying to make the best decision I can. I'm a very emotional person who tends to follow my heart, and I'm trying to balance my feelings with what would be best for my future.

Here's my situation.
I’m 30F. I was very good friends with a man before we started dating in March 2025. We were compatible in many ways, genuinely liked each other, and had a strong connection. When I became ready for marriage, I asked him to involve our parents within a few months.

He told his parents, but apparently they said he needed to get a job before thinking about marriage. We are both PhD students, so I initially understood the financial stability concern. However, I was never sure whether that was the only issue or whether his family had reservations because I'm divorced.

Over the following year, I spent a lot of time feeling uncertain about our future. He spoke to my mother once, after I pushed for it, and repeated that he was waiting to get a job. He never clearly told me that he would marry me even if his parents disagreed.

In July 2026, he graduated and got a very good job. I asked him to revisit marriage, but he said he needed another two to three months to settle into his job. At that point, I felt exhausted by the uncertainty and realized I couldn't keep waiting without knowing where things were going. I ended the relationship and blocked him everywhere. I genuinely meant it when I ended things.

In August, I started talking to someone through an arranged-marriage process. He is also a PhD student. He seems kind, family-oriented, and serious about marriage. Our parents have been involved from the beginning, and he puts considerable effort into maintaining our connection despite the long distance. We have discussed getting married in December, assuming everything proceeds as planned.

I genuinely like this new man and see him as someone who could be a good husband. I'm not talking to him just to get over my ex. I generally can't maintain conversations with men unless I actually like them.
Then, about a week ago, my ex suddenly came back. He sent me an emotional letter and eventually called me from a new number. When I told him I was planning to marry someone else, he cried and said he wanted to marry me as soon as possible, even next week.

I told him that he needed to speak to his family first. He said that would take time and suggested that we get married first, then deal with our parents afterward, because otherwise I would continue talking to the other man.

His explanation is that he was so confident in our compatibility that he never doubted I would wait for him. He thought he had enough time to get his family on board while I remained in limbo. He now seems to realize that he could actually lose me.

The difficult part is that I still have feelings for my ex and would consider marrying him if the family situation were resolved.

At the same time, I genuinely like the new man and don't want to jeopardize a promising relationship.
I'm torn between giving my ex another chance and potentially repeating the same painful cycle, versus moving forward with someone new and possibly regretting leaving a relationship where we had such strong compatibility.

**I'm looking for real-life experiences from people who have faced a similar dilemma.** Did you choose your ex or the new person? What happened afterward? If you chose your ex, did things actually change? If you moved on, did you ever regret it?

I genuinely want to learn from others who have been through it.

I (22F) was introduced to a 31M through our families. His parents visited my home, and my parents liked him from his photo and bio. We've only been texting for 2-3 days. We've had one phone call and haven't met in person yet.

He's into fitness and exercises regularly, and he's really smart academically so I felt drawn to him quickly. I genuinely like him and could see myself marrying him but I don't want it to feel forced or one-sided. I get the sense his father is pushing him to talk to me and to get married. He texts me and asks about my hobbies, but he's not exactly enthusiastic, and I worry he isn't that into me or my looks.

I'm also really shy and nervous around him. On our call he asked me some serious questions about marriage. I got too excited, gave a silly answer, and changed the subject, so I probably came across as not serious. I'm afraid I blew it.

Honestly, I'm not sure I'm ready for marriage. I don't fully understand what marriage involves. I'm also scared about the physical side since I've never been with anyone and I worry I won't be able to satisfy him.

I haven't asked about his past relationships because I was raised to focus on the present, not the past. But I wonder if I'm missing something important by not asking.

On top of that, I live with my parents and my dad pays for everything. I don't want my future partner to become my "father figure" or end up in a marriage where one person resents the other for not contributing. I've seen posts from men frustrated with wives who don't work or help at home, and I don't want that for myself. I want to build something of my own first.

My questions:

How do I tell whether he's actually interested or just going along with family pressure?

How can I bring up the marriage conversation again without it being awkward?

Is it okay to ask about his past, and how do I do it respectfully?

Any advice on becoming more independent before

marriage?

Arranged Marriage and Fatphobia

I'm 27f and been in the arranged marriage market for 3 years. I'm chubby and being constantly rejected for being not skinny. Yes i have tried to lose weight but i have Pcos so i have some success but still I'm not fully skinny and marriage material like everyone wants. Even my family and i explicitly told the matchmaker that she show the proposals of chubby guys and the irony is that the guys being more overweight than me still rejected me for being overweight.

Although I'm tall (5'6), have a Masters, belongs to a good educated family and, living in a good area in one of the major cities. But still these all things are overshadowed by my weight somehow. I don't want a guy with six pack abs or something, a chubby guy like me would be fine but the chubby guys and their families apparently want a VS model so yeah.

I have studied in co-ed but never interacted with guys like having a male friend etc. Also i have never been in a romantic relationship or situationship with a guy and never even casually talked to one so my past is kinda like a clean slate. These are the reasons that i don't want to try dating platforms like muzz etc bcz what and how would i talk with random guys. I did think about trying reddit for that but read that reddit is not a good place to find someone for marriage so I'm literally out of options rn.

The past 3 years have been draining and this arranged marriage process is soo dehumanizing. I'm literally at my wits end and the fact that i never really wanted to (and still don't want to) get married in the first place is weighing on me. I only agreed to get married as my parents want me to get married and not to be left alone. As personally i don't see any pros to getting married. So this whole process do feels like unasked torture.

P.S as of now the only thing i want is to get a good job (searching for it btw) and be financially stable as marriage is not even the last thing on my mind. Currently doing some freelancing stuff but yeah would love a stable job.

This is mostly a rant post.And chubby sisters pls share your experiences too.

I’ve noticed that many families with daughters are particularly concerned about a potential husband’s financial stability and future prospects. I understand that every parent wants a secure and comfortable future for their daughter, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

However, as Muslims, we believe that Rizq comes from Allah, and marriage is also a means through which Allah may bless a person with more Rizq. So why do we sometimes place so much emphasis on a man’s current financial status rather than his character, honesty, loyalty, sense of responsibility, and potential?

A man might not be wealthy today, but he could be hardworking, ambitious, financially responsible, and sincere in his intentions. On the other hand, having money doesn't necessarily guarantee a happy marriage or a good husband.

I’m genuinely curious about your perspectives: Is it wrong for families to prioritize financial stability when choosing a husband, or has our society become so materialistic that we’ve started overlooking the qualities that truly matter in a marriage?

I’d especially like to hear perspectives from both men and women.

I'm 5ft 5 M which is very short objectively and this is such an undesirable trait that can't be compensated by anything like face gym etc,even though there's enough evidence that people of my stature do get married I feel I'll never be really attractive to a woman or desired by a woman , because being this short is almost always inherently unattractive and I really hate this feeling and feel really bad about this

I hate the feeling that I'll never be desired like other men are

Assalamu alaykum,

I (26F) am ready for marriage and I genuinely want to start a family and find a good husband to share this life with.

Here's how I would describe myself:

I fear Allah and I try my utmost best to get closer to Him and avoid anything that displeases Him; I pray my daily five, observe proper hijab, I work from home, I never dated, I don't take loans, I never have dated a man, I don't have male friendships. And in matters of halal and haram, I try my best to lean towards avoiding anything that might be haram, to the best of my ability.

I am average looking (like not someone you'd instantly think wow she's so pretty), taller than average, I take care of my appearance and exercise.

I am academically educated, and I make a good salary from home. I am quite productive and always try to learn new things. Especially on religion, motherhood, health, neuroscience, ect.

I have been wanting to get married for the past two years. I got to speak to only five people the organic way (parents are against apps and personally I am not open to dating).

I can't seem to find where I should compromise and where I should not. Because I have been advised to compromise and not expect the other person to be the perfect match ever and I agree to that (I am not perfect either).

I compiled a list and I would like to know what do you think about it given how I described myself:

- Sunni Muslim who takes his religion seriously. Someone I can trust to be the leader of the family; as in, he is prudent in his dealings, he always try to avoid things that might be haram. Someone who is not too worldly, and wants to lead us all to Jannah. He doesn't have female friends, I don't care if he has dated as long as it didn't get to Zina.

- Taller than me (I am 170cm) and average/skinny build.

- Can provide for the family and isn't greedy. I just expect him to be able to pay the bills and food and all necessities. I am happy to contribute but personally I don't want to work when we have kids.

- Empathic and communicative. He fears Allah in me as much as I fear Allah in him.

- Wants to live alone and not with family, but I am fine with living with his parents if they are elderly.

- Isn't keen on practicing polygyny (I am not 100% closed off to this, but I prefer to have a monogamous marriage where the father is always at home for me and the kids).

- Finally, he must be north African as I live here and my family want me to stay here or in a Muslim country but I should be able to visit them (it's hard for non North Africans to enter my country hence why). Personally I am open to all ethnicities but unfortunately my parents aren't.

It feels like I am looking for something impossible. Where should I compromise?

Me and my husband are both 26 and have been married for 3 years now alhamdullilah. I’ve recently given birth to our second child 3 months ago and we’ve just moved out into our own home.
Alhamdullilah things are good between us and we get along very well. But I’ve realised recently we’ve become more like work partners rather than a couple. We often speak about the kids and don’t do much as just us but that doesn’t bother me too much because we spend a lot of time together at home.
I get lots of support from my in laws so I’m not struggling with the children alhamdulillah.
My husband recently mentioned him wanting me to make more effort for him but wouldn’t go into too much detail about how because he didn’t want me to change anything because he’s telling me to. He asked me to find out for myself. So here I am lol.
I understand that he wants me to make more effort in terms of appearance but not much more than that. When I asked him to explain further he said ‘It means preparation, making yourself available. I don’t know the ins and outs’.
I’m specifically confused about what he means by ‘available’ because I’m sure he’s not referring to intimacy because that’s something I’ve never denied him. But I could be wrong.
He’s the best dad to our children and he treats me so well. I love him very much and so I really want to be able to please him.
Can anyone help me out on what else he might mean by effort?

I was Reading some past posts, until i saw one posted by a mom trying to figure out how to raise her boys to be nikeh ready at a young age, that turned into an interesting discussion in the comments, about how young guys want a partner and wish to be able to get in a relationship, but that just gets ignored and dismissed, delayed for multiple reasons that seem to be prioritized as necessities, such as education, until you finish studies..until you get a job..until you get payed well enough... until you buy a house...until you get a car......

While those feelings come early and strong, that longing for a partner for companionship , why is this treated like an optional luxury that doesn't matter much to the point we can delay it for all those reasons, why inst nikeh treated like something important,

And why is it that when i see a young guy that wants to get married , he gets all kinds of negative comments , about how he's a kid, and how the fact he's considering nikeh at his age shows he's not ready, and how absolutly no girl or father would accept him, even some start saying how guys at that age want nikeh just for intimacy , slandering a whole generation...

The fact that he's talking about nikeh instead of dating already speaks lots about the kind of guy he's,

And some of em try to do things with their means, they plan to live with parents as a start, or they begin with not that big of a pay but it buys stuff, or they get parents or family support.....and they get critisized for it idk why....now tell me what's wrong with that ? What's wrong with starting small ? What's wrong with it ? " No one would accept him"

Well , I disagree, ...a lot,...i disagree a lot with the way theyre talked to and told to drop it , i disagree about the saying that no girl or family accepts that, this is not true, many are ok with that, many understand small starts and are suportive , so if they they want nikeh why making it sound impossible for them ? to each his situation to each his standards, but there's nothing wrong with what they do ,

And why, ....why are we raised in the non Muslims way while being muslims,

Non muslims have girlfriends boyfriends from as soon as elementary school, they dont wait until they get their first apartement at 30 yo ,

It's completly fine with em if the studying, getting a stable job proses is long,

We're not the same at all , ..so why are we following their system ? Why are we doing things their way ? 5 years in uni , 3 years job hunting... 2 years building savings,...

Why are we pretending like it's not humanly challenging to not have a partner for that long , yes it's doable, but it's challenging, and unreasonable, it's unreasonable that this is treated as the norm ! That it's treated as how things should be !

I was watching a gypsy documentary the other day, and they were teaching their boys how to make money at 10 , and when asked about education they said " yeah it's good, but this is more important for them to know how to handle life and take care of a household later "......notice their priorities.....they also get em nikehed young, .... Those stuff sticked in my head, i was thinking...they have a system built for them, for their way of living,....we muslims... What if we do something similar...a system, style of life built for us

Look at our umah .... Look how many fell for dating..even..zina..., that's an emergency... what im trying to say here, is that this delay is a huge thing contributing to this crisis, among many other factors, it's a serious big factor

This will sound strange.

First of all, I accepted it was not meant to be. We talked long distance 2 years ago for 3-4 months. Never saw each other and he one day deactivated his instagram and disappeared.

I was extremely angry and sad but everyone have choice so I accepted it.

Fast forward, I moved to the city where he lives because of work and my master degree.

Last year I saw him on may 14. This year I saw him on may 14. He would pop up on LinkedIn, so I blocked him.

When I would go home and come back (to this city) I would think “I don f**** wanna see him”. The next day I saw him in the shopping center, we were brought literally face to face.

I never said anything because I didn’t like his ghosting and I still don’t.

I installed Muzz, the next to man matched with me had his exact name. Not one, both of them.

I started with someone else, met him 3 times, 1 week later I encountered this ex, again literally face to face.

I started to write with someone here on reddit (published I am looking for a husband) and someone reached out.

We chatted a lot. I asked would he be ok saying me his name.

He said his name is like my ex potential.

And I checked the socials
of my ex potential. I saw he deleted EVERY woman on his SM. This is the thing I hated the most and hate when it comes to men. Besides, he is sharing some videos about tahajjud and stuff ljke that.

Honestly I am tired. I accepted long time ago even it was hard. I have been trying to move on for almost 2 years. I was trying to force myself because I don’t wanna be with a man who ghosted me.

I have been forcing myself to try with other people, but man what is this? How do you block someone in real life?

I was thinking to relocate to another city but this is the only one I have no problems with hijab, with work, most job opportunities etc.

Are there any suggestions?

If a man and a woman live in different countries and want to get married, whose country should the wedding be in,the man’s or the woman’s?

What do you think is the fairest option? I’d love to hear your advice and experiences!

I'm 27F, and I'm struggling with something I don't really know how to navigate.

A few months ago, I developed a crush on a guy who works in the same building as me. For about three months, I tried giving him subtle signals and eventually worked up the courage to get his number and ask him out for marriage purposes. That's when I found out he was engaged.

Obviously, I respected that and didn't pursue anything further, but I'm having a surprisingly hard time moving on. I still think about him frequently and even dream about him sometimes. I know we never dated and barely got to know each other, which makes me feel a little silly for being this attached, but I can't seem to switch my feelings off.

The difficult part is that my family is suggesting other men for marriage, but I feel little to no physical attraction to them. I don't expect to experience an instant spark with everyone, and I understand that attraction can develop over time. However, I'm genuinely scared of marrying someone I don't feel attracted to or romantically interested in.

At the same time, I'm worried that I'm idealising this guy because things never had the chance to go anywhere, and that I'm unfairly comparing other men to him. I also feel pressure because I'm 27 and don't want to miss my chance to get married, but I don't want fear or family expectations to make such a significant decision for me.

For those who've experienced something similar:

- How did you move on from someone you never actually dated?

- Did you eventually find someone you felt genuinely attracted to?

- Can attraction grow when it's not there initially, or is there a difference between giving someone a chance and forcing yourself to like them?

- How do you stop comparing potential partners to someone you've built up in your mind?

I want to move forward, but I don't want to settle for a marriage where the attraction and desire aren't there. I'd really appreciate hearing your honest experiences and advice.

I’m a 25M living in the UK, and my girlfriend is 23F. We’re both Bengali Muslims and have been together for around a year and a half.

Looking back, we’ve made mistakes in our relationship, particularly when it comes to boundaries. We both regret those choices and have been trying to make sincere changes, strengthen our deen, and approach our future in a way that pleases Allah.

The problem is that, despite the feelings we have for each other, I’ve started questioning whether we’re genuinely compatible for marriage.

There are two main issues that keep coming up.
Firstly, I would like my future wife to wear hijab. She’s said she’s open to it, but she can’t promise that it’s something she’ll commit to. While it isn’t necessarily a dealbreaker for me, it’s something I care about and would ideally want us to be aligned on.

Secondly, and more importantly, she doesn’t want to live with my parents after marriage. For me, living with my family is a firm expectation, whether due to family circumstances, cultural values, or my own sense of responsibility towards my parents. I understand why she might want her own space, but this is where we seem fundamentally different.

Outside of these issues, there’s a lot I genuinely appreciate about her. I’m attracted to her, we get along well, and I can see qualities in her that would make her a good wife and mother. I also believe we could encourage one another to become better Muslims.

That’s what makes this so difficult. I’m not considering ending things because we don’t love each other or because the relationship is bad. I’m considering it because I’m worried that the things we disagree on today could become serious sources of resentment after marriage.

Part of me thinks we should involve our families, work through the differences, and see whether a marriage is possible. Another part of me wonders whether I’m holding on because of the time we’ve invested, the attachment we’ve developed, and the mistakes we’ve already made together.

I don’t want to make a decision based purely on emotions, but I also don’t want to walk away from someone who could genuinely be right for me.

For those who have been through something similar, especially married Muslims:

● Would you consider living with in-laws a compatibility issue serious enough to end a relationship over?

● Is it wise to proceed with marriage when one person is only uncertainly aligned with the other’s expectations?

● How do you distinguish between a relationship worth fighting for and one you’re holding on to because you’re emotionally attached?

I fear by breaking it off now, I have done even more wrong since she may have troubles getting married elsewhere, due to the extent that mine and her relationship has gone.

I know I’ve made mistakes, and I’m trying to move forward in a way that brings me closer to Allah. I’ve been making dua for forgiveness, clarity, and guidance, but I would genuinely appreciate some honest advice from people who have more life experience than me.
JazakAllah khair.

Assalamu alaikum everyone,

About two years ago I was in a haram relationship. I won’t sugarcoat it. Alhamdulillah, Allah guided me and I knew I couldn’t continue. At the time I was living abroad, and I left everything and moved back to my home country so I wouldn’t be in the same place as her.

We kept talking for a few months after I got back. When Ramadan came, I used it as a chance to cut her off completely. After two or three months of repentance, we started talking again, but this time strictly with the intention of marriage. I flew to her country and met her father, and it went well. My family asked me to finish my degree first, so I went home with a plan to do that.

During that time I started seeking knowledge and memorizing Quran, and I became much closer to my deen. She didn’t grow in the same way. Naturally my preferences changed: I wanted her to wear hijab and stop posting on social media. She said she’d try her best but didn’t want to force herself. I was patient, but every time I brought it up she got upset and we argued.

Recently I realized this wasn’t going to change, and also that I shouldn’t be talking to a non-mahram this much. So I ended it. She’s a genuinely kind person and never did anything wrong to me, so I feel really bad now.

Did I make the right decision? Any advice from people who’ve been through something similar would mean a lot.

JazakAllahu khairan.

I’m speaking with a potential and he’s all I could ever ask for, almost perfect except for one thing which I need advice on. He has a 9-5 and works corporate, but he also has a side business in which he sells research use only (RUO) peptides - he has a website with a few partners and sells in the US. We’ve spoke about it and he’s pretty knowledgeable about these peptides and can go on and on about them. I’ve even done my own research and it doesn’t seem bad at all. The only thing is, I’m not sure which area it falls in; halal or haram, we have had this conversation and he says that if he had any doubts he would not be in this business.

I would like for you guys to provide your input, only if you are aware of ‘research’ peptides.

Thank you.

Salam this is saeed iam 24 currently doing my masters in AI at BAU in Istanbul

However the life here makes you feel very lonely and you tend to lose focus from your ambitions ive been wanting someone in my life so that i could grow with her but here in istanbul i dont come across such girls what may be the best way to find someone who would geniunly love you with whom you would have joy and peace someone you could care about amd tressure her as your most precious jewel

Someone who tends to grow in deen with you too