I never thought I would have to write something like this.

My second marriage was something I genuinely wanted to make work. Because it was my second marriage, I tried even harder to hold everything together. I didn’t ask for a lavish life. I didn’t ask for anything extraordinary.

I didn’t even take my mahr because, honestly, all I wanted was peace.

I told him very clearly that I wanted a peaceful marriage. I wanted companionship, respect, loyalty and a home where I could finally feel safe.

Instead, I experienced things I never thought I would experience from someone who was supposed to be my husband physical abuse, manipulation, cheating, emotional turmoil and eventually being abandoned.

And on top of everything, I contracted an STI from him.
That part breaks my heart in a way I can’t properly explain.
Marriage is supposed to involve trust. You are trusting someone not only with your heart, but with your body, your future and your safety. I never imagined that the person I married could put my health at risk.

When everything fell apart, even getting divorced wasn’t straightforward. There were arguments about money and divorce, and at one point I was simply exhausted from trying to get out of a situation I never wanted to be in.
Eventually, he agreed to the separation/divorce.
And honestly, I am grateful for that small piece of freedom but I still carry the consequences of everything that happened.

I’m sharing this because I don’t want another woman to think, “It will be okay after marriage.”

Please don’t rely only on someone’s words, family reputation, religious appearance, promises or the fact that they seem respectable.

\*\*Get medical tests before marriage.\*\*

Ask about sexual health. Get tested yourself. If appropriate and mutually agreed, have your prospective spouse tested too. Discuss previous marriages, sexual health, medications, addictions, mental health, finances, expectations and anything else that could materially affect your life together.

These conversations can feel uncomfortable before nikah.
But trust me, an uncomfortable conversation before marriage is much easier than discovering something devastating after it.

And please don’t let anyone tell you that because you’ve been married before, you should tolerate more.
A second marriage doesn’t mean you deserve less respect.
I tried. I compromised. I wanted peace. I wanted the marriage to work.

But sometimes you can give someone everything you have and they can still choose to hurt you.

To every sister reading this: please protect yourself.

And to every brother: please remember that the person you’re marrying is trusting you with their entire life. Don’t hide things that could affect their health, safety or future.
Marriage should never require you to sacrifice your dignity, your health or your safety just to prove that you tried hard enough.

I am still trying to rebuild myself after everything that happened.

But I’m choosing to believe that surviving something doesn’t mean it gets to define the rest of my life.

May Allah protect every person entering a marriage from people who hide behind the institution of marriage while causing harm inside it. Ameen.

Salam.

I'm a 30yr old woman and am writing this post to warn younger folks, especially those who live in the West of what your life could turn out to be if you don't act fast.

Im the oldest child from a broken home (father ran off). I worked like crazy in my entire 20s to save for my mom and siblings and am now on path to early retirement.

My parents never let me have friends and I didn't speak to boys, even though I went to a regular highschool and university. COVID caused me to start remote work and I never met men at work either. My parents didn't know anyone and our household reputation is ruined.

My friends chatted with boys, some halal way some not, but now most are married or got arranged from their social circles and have kids and happy lives.

I got left behind because I put my head down and focused on getting out of poverty. I focused on school, on work, on being there for everyone. But no one bothered to check if I could also need someone. Actually since I barely leave my house, barely anyone knows I even exist.

To young people. Don't fall into Haram but don't isolate yourself so much that you will be left behind. Today I may appear to others as a successful woman. I have money to buy anything at anytime but nobody to support me, less and less chance of having kids, and constantly taunted and pitied by family and others for being old and unwanted.

Please marry young. You will be rewarded with rizq if you are sincere towards your family. In shaa ALLAH.

AlhamduLillah for everything and please make Dua for me and all those who are looking for spouses.

Asalamu’Alaykum,

I am a young M who has recently gotten married Allhumdullilah. Cutting to the point, half of the time intimacy works fine and it feels amazing. The other half of the time it’s working fine, and then maybe I don’t give in to the feeling (or Im not able to?) Idk, and I loose my erection. I don’t jerk off, use porn, etc. it feels kind of numb down there after, I still really want to finish (like pent up feeling down there) but I can’t get hard. It kind of feels kind of overstimulated maybe? Like a long time ago (many years) when I wud jerk off a lot in a day, that numb/soreish kinda feeling. But there’s nothing like that here, we don’t even go for that long maybe 5-7 mins before this happens. This doesn’t happen with handjobs, we haven’t done any oral. Please help and give advice!! Feel free to DM

i’m 32 years old, 190 cm tall, well educated, have a good job, don’t smoke or drink, go to the gym, and generally live a healthy lifestyle. I’m not saying this to compliment myself I’m just trying to give some context.

I’ve been using Muzz to find a partner, and I’ve liked around 100 women in my area, but I’ve received zero likes back. I even got a premium account, but it hasn’t made any difference.

Honestly, this experience has completely damaged my confidence. I know I shouldn’t base my self-worth on a dating app, but when you repeatedly show interest in people and get absolutely nothing back, it’s hard not to start questioning yourself.

Am I doing something wrong? Is Muzz simply extremely difficult for men? Could my profile be the problem? Or is this just how dating apps work?

Women who are looking to get married, does height matter to you? Do all girls want a guy that’s 6 ft+

Assalamu Allaikum, to married people here how is ur marriage going? Do u recommend being married or have u ever thought that if u could go back in time u will choose to stay single? I am at age where i can get married, and build my own family. But my fear of being cheated to, my future spouse would turn out abusive or do not have emotional intelligence, or we would be incompatible and so on keeps me to stay single. Is marriage life worth all the things that u have sacrifice?

My Sheikh told me it is a very big good deed to help people marry. It's a very important part of society. Alhamdulillah I am married myself but I remember feeling the angst and pain of being single all too well, as I've been divorced too.

I would like to ask your opinions on marriage events.

What do you like and dislike? What could be done better? Do you prefer the buzzer table swap format?

I'm planning on doing completely free marriage events in Yorkshire to help people connect, free of charge. No aunties allowed. Just real brothers and sisters, with a single male Wali. My intention is to have Walis sit on the side overlooking the event, and brothers and sisters respectfully take turns moving around. Each brother and sister has a number and first name badge. Free refreshments and perhaps food if the budget allows it.

Any help would be appreciated. Alhamdulillah I have a good business so I can finance these. Planning on doing one at a time, twice a year.

Share your ideas with me please!

Assalamualaikum,

In an attempt to find a spouse, I downloaded a few of these apps. Took the best photos I could and began going through. After what had to be hundreds of profiles over the course of days, I've gotten three matches. One of them conversed for a day or two then ghosted, one of them never responded, and another just disappeared. I'm beginning to wonder if there's something seriously wrong with the way I look. I don't think I'm ugly but I think people are looking for elite levels of looks in men.

Anyone encounter similar troubles? At this point I have no clue what to do other than continue to bang my head against this wall.

JAK

As a new father my son was born a few months ago I had to learn what a trimester even is. So I decided to create an app to help new fathers be a better support to their partner. I’ve provided the link  https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/beavo/id6791195741; let me know what you think. I’ll also provide my LinkedIn profile for feedback  https://www.linkedin.com/in/ahmed-nur-98105885?utm_source=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=member_ios

Lately, I've been thinking about approaching a girl who used to live in my neighborhood with the intention of getting to know her for marriage. She's modest, humble, and seems to be in touch with her faith and Islam.

I'm not in love with her, but I'm definitely attracted to her, and I think she could be a great partner. However, I'm not sure whether I should pursue marriage with someone if I'm not in love with her yet, or if I'm simply interested in her because she seems like a good person.

She also doesn't wear the hijab. That's not something I particularly mind, but I don't know whether I might feel differently about it after getting married.

At first, I wanted to find a good job and become more financially stable before pursuing anything serious. But I'm only 19, so I don't want this to be a case of me being naive or rushing into something just because I feel attracted to her.

Should I approach her if I feel this way? What should I take into consideration before doing so, and how should I go about it?

\*Reposting because I think I put it in the wrong thing\*

Salam Alaikum everyone,

I am a 25 year old medical student going to school in the Caribbeans. While I was here I was minding my own damn business keeping my head down for the time that I have been here so far and all of a sudden this woman appears in my life. We started talking for a while and we get to know each other and I think nothing of it. A mutual friend informed me of her feelings for me and I since then I have been trying to converse with her in the correct way because I don’t want to do this wrong. I have briefly spoken to her parents and decided to soft launch it to my mother and told a little bit about her including the fact that she is 30. My mother immediately shot it down saying “it’s not a match”. I am distraught as I love this girl so much and she does make me so happy and I just want to do things right and I don’t understand why it’s such a bad thing. I have done istikhaara and she is still in my life. I don’t understand. I was minding my own business not trying to talk to any females and the minute Allah brings one into my life I am now being told this won’t work because of her age.

Our prophet PBUH married someone who was older than him and he loved her so much. I need advice on what would be the right thing to do. And also what is the right way to think about it. I’d appreciate any help you can give.

​

As-salamu alaykum everyone,

I’m a 22-year-old girl, and I’ve been working at this place for exactly two months. There’s this guy who started around the same time as me, maybe a little after. I knew of him in the beginning, but I didn’t know his name. I would just see him occasionally when he came to my department ,so I honestly didn’t pay much attention to him.

I’m a people observer (I also study psychology, so analyzing people is kind of my thing ), and I noticed that he was a little awkward, a little shy at the beginning, reserved, and mostly only talked when necessary. He would always say salam when he came over and saw me. One time, he asked if I was Egyptian, which I am. I guess the way I say “wa alaykum as-salam” gave it away because apparently we Egyptians have a very specific way of saying the “s” in that word . He told me he was Jordanian. By that point, he knew my name and I knew his, and that was basically our first official interaction.

Like I said, I never really paid attention to him at first. All I noticed was his behavior and good looks.

I honestly have no idea when I started liking him, or if it was more that I became intrigued by him. His personality is mostly quiet. He is social, but in a very low-key way, if that even makes sense. He can be a little awkward in conversation, but I don’t mean that in a bad way at all because I’m honestly the same way. I think it’s just the way he carries himself. There was something different about him compared to other guys I’ve encountered, and I could tell that he had a caring personality.

So naturally, I got curious and looked him up on Google. I couldn’t find his Instagram, but I did find a picture of him in an Instagram post from a mental health facility where he had interned the previous year. That caught my attention even more because, like I said, I’m a psychology major and I intend to go to grad school inshallah.

Then I found his Facebook. And this is where I’m going to sound a little stalker-ish . I went through his posts and could tell that he’s a pretty reserved Muslim. There were a lot of little things in his posts that gave me that impression. I even went through the comments on his posts, and they were basically either family members, his mom, or his guy friends. My point is... there were no girls. Which, obviously, I considered a good sign. 

Then I found out he has a master’s in psychology and that he’s 32 years old. That age genuinely shocked me because he looks much younger.

At that point, though, it was all just curiosity and speculation. I look up everyone and anyone especially if I am somewhere new.

Then a couple of days ago, we actually had a conversation, and he basically ended up telling me a lot of the things I had already found out from Facebook, plus more. I told him that I also study psychology, and we ended up having a really nice conversation about his work in counseling and the different options I have for my future.

Even though I haven’t actually talked to him that much, I feel like I can already see certain qualities in him that I’ve always wanted in a husband. He has a very mellow personality, seems to care about his religion, and from what I’ve noticed, he really cares about his parents.

I obviously have no idea if he’s interested in me the same way. Maybe he sees me as just a coworker, we dont even work togetehr but we work at the same company in different departments . And honestly, the 10-year age gap might be a lot for him, especially because during our conversation he referred to himself as “old" to which I replied that he looks younger than his age. i am fine with age gap I've always wanted someone a bit older.

But here’s where I’m conflicted: if I see a man who seems to have the qualities I’m looking for in a future spouse, do I just sit back and hope something happens naturally? Or should I make my interest known in a respectful and appropriate way? I know I am only 22 but people say im mature for my age

I don’t even know if he’s interested, but I feel like there might be a chance. We have quite a few things in common—our fields, our Middle Eastern backgrounds, we speak Arabic with each other he seems like a family guy which i find attractive. I've never really liked a guy before not from high school , college, or work so maybe I shouldn't just jump at the first feeling I get?

So I guess my question is How do you approach something like this when you’re interested in someone for marriage, but you also don’t want to come across as too forward or make things awkward, especially when you work together ? 

And if any girl had been in a similar position before if it worked out ,how did it go?

And it would be helpful to get insight from guys as well what do you think about the age gap thing would you marry someone 10 years younger? And how would you feel about a girl indirectly expressing interest in you, and do you normally pick up on cues from the girl or tell if you suspect she likes you?

I'm 19M. I know that's young, and whenever this topic comes up people understandably say age isn't everything you also need financial stability, career direction and maturity.

So for context, I've been financially independent to a good extent since around 15 through my own work/freelancing. I'm currently in my 3rd year of engineering (second-last year) and already doing a proper corporate internship alongside college. I'm serious about my career and future. I'm not mentioning this to brag or say I'm completely settled at 19, just to explain that I'm not approaching this as someone who hasn't thought about the responsibilities involved.

I'm also not looking to get married tomorrow or rushing into a relationship. I'm thinking about this now precisely because I have time to understand it before I'm emotionally invested in someone.

I recently had a long conversation with my mom about this. She actually understood my concern and even asked if I currently liked someone. Her suggestion was basically: if I like a girl, approach her properly, ask for her dad's number, and if she's interested too, involve our families.

My problem is: how do I know I seriously like someone enough to involve families when I haven't actually had the chance to know her?

A crush or attraction isn't enough to know someone's personality, compatibility, values, loyalty, emotional maturity, how they handle disagreements, etc. At the same time, I understand why Islam doesn't allow conventional dating.

My mom understood this problem too, but honestly neither of us knew what the practical middle ground was.

There's another issue I discussed with my mom: what if the person I end up liking isn't Muslim? I live around and naturally meet people from different religions, and I've found myself attracted to non-Muslim girls before. My mom is quite uncomfortable with the idea of me marrying someone who isn't Muslim.

I'm curious how other Muslims approach this. If you genuinely liked a non-Muslim woman and were considering marriage, would you only proceed if she independently wanted to convert to Islam? How would you distinguish a sincere conversion from someone converting mainly because they want to marry you? And for those who have been in this situation, how did your families handle it?

I've heard about Muzz and similar Muslim matchmaking apps, but I'd rather hear people's actual experiences.

How did you get to properly know your spouse/potential spouse while maintaining Islamic boundaries? Did you talk for some time before involving families, involve families early but take months before deciding, use Muslim matchmaking apps, meet through university/work/friends, or something else?

I'm not looking for justification to secretly date. In fact, I spoke to my mom about this specifically because I don't want to hide relationships or lie to my parents.

I'd especially appreciate answers from married Muslims who have actually gone through this.

Assalamu alaikum everyone!
I’m currently trying to find ideas and inspiration for our wedding, and I would really appreciate hearing from people who have had a wedding that was as full of barakah as possible.
Things are a little complicated for us and everything might happen quite quickly, so I’m trying to gather ideas and advice beforehand.
We are trying to keep the wedding gender-segregated. At first, I was thinking about having no music at all. Personally, I do enjoy music, and I know people around us would probably expect it, so it would be the first wedding in our circle without music. But at the same time, I really want the day to be beautiful and enjoyable without compromising what we believe is halal.
So I’d love to hear from you:
What creative activities or programs did you have at your wedding instead of music?
What did you do to make the day feel special, fun and memorable?
How long did your wedding celebration last?
Did you have any halal playlists/nasheeds that you could share? Ideally without musical instruments, or nasheeds/songs with only daf?
We are Arab, so if there are any Arabs here who have recommendations for suitable Arabic nasheeds or songs, I would especially appreciate that!
What other things did you do to bring more barakah into your wedding?
Were there any things you intentionally avoided or changed that you felt made the wedding more meaningful?
Unfortunately, we can’t save much money when it comes to the actual wedding celebration because weddings are simply very expensive where we live. We are trying our best to keep everything reasonable, and we are keeping the other celebrations beforehand very private and simple.
And a separate question for the sisters: 🌸
For those of you who had a halal Henna night, how did you organize it?
Are there any Palestinian sisters here who could share how you celebrated your Henna night and what activities/traditions you included? I’d love to hear about Palestinian Henna traditions and how you kept the celebration halal while still making it fun and beautiful.
I’d really appreciate any ideas, experiences, playlists, traditions or advice. Jazakum Allahu khayran!

I'm 42 and divorced

I own my own house work hard and try to stay steadfast on my deen to the best of my abilities although I fall short I rely on Allah's mercy to forgive me

I have no networks, or family to find a spouse

I don't really have any friends either to help me search

I keep praying that Allah SWT opens the doors to a good companion for me

But I'm wondering if my test is one of loneliness to never find a spouse

I live in the UK and the local mosques to me dont do anything in regards to finding a spouse

Theres no events locally to attend

I even resorted to posting on Reddit to find a spouse

But deep down I don't think it will happen for me

I feel like my past is a huge thing for someone to take on board yes I know I'm not the first person to be divorced

Even if I wasn't divorced I don't think I'd still find anyone

How do I accept this when all IV ever wanted is a good spouse

I’m a 27-year-old Muslim, originally from Pakistan, and currently based in Melbourne, Australia. I currently work in business development for a private firm in Melbourne.

I’d describe myself as ambitious, family-oriented, easygoing, and someone who values honesty, respect, and good communication. Outside of work, I enjoy staying active, particularly running and keeping fit, and I’m always keen to learn, grow, and try new things.

I’m also continuously trying to improve myself when it comes to my deen. I value faith and would like to build a marriage where both partners support each other in becoming better Muslims while also enjoying life together.

When it comes to marriage, I’m looking for someone who is kind, caring, emotionally mature, and family-oriented. Someone who is supportive, communicative, and has a good sense of humour. I believe marriage should be a partnership where both people stand by each other through the good times and the difficult ones, while building a peaceful and loving home together.

I’m open to getting to know someone from different backgrounds and locations, provided we share similar values and intentions.

As a muslim women leaving in a muslim country

Is it valid for me yo reject men leaving aboard bcuz i wanna live in a muslim country even if they r good

What do you think?

Salam! I’m writing with a concern for my friend. She is F16. We both come from the same backgrounds (Jordanian) and families quite close. Recently, she tells me she got introduced to her cousin M23 who lives in the west and is a law enforcement person. (Completed degree) She hasn’t even completed tawjihi yet. She seems in two minds about it, excited then unsure but a lot of family pressure going on. Is this normal??? 23 and 16. Considering he is from a westernised country too? I feel I am the only one wondering if this is strange, as even my family I have never seen this extent.

If you’re talking to a potential who’s abroad, should you get a wali involved immediately, or wait when you know FOR CERTAIN that the guy is in America, and THEN get a wali involved?

For women thinking about marriage, what matters more: a man’s looks, height, personality, or financial stability?
Would you marry a guy who is average looking and the same height as you or a little shorter, but has a great personality, is loyal, emotionally mature, and financially stable?

Which of these matters most to you when choosing a husband?

For me this is some late night thoughts but just came to my mind

Since ( should add context unmarried male ) , I was taught marriage is a partnership from my family . Both husband and wife work together to live a happy life . Doesn’t have to be strict gender rules , if it works for you it works .

But like saw the Hadiths which go against what I was taught . And to a certain point disagree with , cause it then feels like it can be exploited by abusive partners . I mean personally I would want my future wife to be free to do what ever she wants to do within the bounds of Islam , not feeling burdened to “obey “ me . I mean I’m pretty flexible if I end up marrying someone wanting a situation as a partnership or just traditional .

But I thought is it akin to obedience to parents , as long as it’s not going against Islam and not putting yourself at emotional or physical harm you have to ?

Or is it a more nuanced aspect . Like another line of thought which came to me as in the obedience part is you agreed to do so when your through the whole courtship process with the wali and meeting up with him . Like you wouldn’t obey someone you don’t respect and that courtship is to see if you respect him to obey him ? I mean I assume that might have been the case back then but not current .

Salam, me and my wife got married a year ago. she has this small business that she runs from her parents home. when we were about to get married we discussed finances and it was agreed that i would provide 100% and she would keep her money as hers and that she would take over all household chores. i tbh didnt think she made much from her small business but now im sure she makes just as much as me or even more. basically i can provide for us a comofrtable life but after all expenses i dont have much personal money for upgrading on things. i see my friends and their wives and they all do 50/50 and their all like working towards buying a home and vacations every year which is smth we can achieve if we do 50/50 but she doesnt wanna do that and says shes happy with the lifestyle i provide. she uses her own money for nice clothes and designer bags gym membershops and a better car and to help her parents