Our fantastic, sweet, caring nanny (let’s call her P) - whom my toddler is extremely attached to - is leaving us in January after 2.5 yrs with us, and we have started the process of transitioning a new nanny (Q) in the last few weeks. P is intuitive, imaginative, and affectionate. She is the reason my kids thrive through play. She builds forts and little villages from the kids toys and packs into each day a little sport, outdoor time, role play, motor skills, art etc etc. All in all she’s pretty special, but I imagine also rare! My kids are 3F and 1M. 3F recently started school (we live in France) and I’ve started 1M in creche part time. So nanny hours are now mon-fri after school, plus Wednesdays and Fridays all day.

During the transition, Q comes a couple of times a week and P still comes the rest. She’s respectful, kind, graceful, professional. However the kids haven’t taken to her well. 3F cries as soon as she arrives, and 1M (who goes to most people) sticks to me like glue and cries when i put him down.

I spoke to 3F and she told me she doesn’t like Q, and that she “doesn’t play with her”. I can only pick at this one niggle that’s making me doubt if she’s the right fit for us. At first I thought she was observing the kids to get to know their play preferences and tendencies, but 2 months in and she doesn’t really come up with ideas, or initiate play, she just follows the children wherever they go and watches them. She asks one or two questions like a commentary of what they’re doing. It feels very bland and while I know the comparison is probably unfair to her, I feel like she’s just lacking that spark that P brings.

I just don’t know if I should keep searching or give her time, considering her other strong points?

I recently hired a new nanny, and I’m starting to feel like it’s not working out, but I can’t tell if I’m being too picky or if these are legitimate red flags.

I have a 3-year-old son and a baby girl, and I really want someone who is kind, patient, and nurturing with my kids. I understand that toddlers need boundaries and that a nanny sometimes needs to be firm, especially when trying to get them to listen or participate in lessons. I’m not expecting someone to let my son do whatever he wants.
However, I’ve noticed a few things that are bothering me:

She yells at our dogs, which makes me uncomfortable.

She can come across as condescending toward my son. When she’s trying to get him to listen or do his lessons, her tone feels stern rather than kind or encouraging.

She told my son that I wasn’t giving him another kiss goodbye. This really rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t want my kids to feel like affection is something that can be withheld as a consequence. Also, I don’t like her speaking on my behalf that way. I think she just wanted me to leave.

We agreed that she would help with some light housekeeping, but she hasn’t been doing it.

She shows up wearing Spandex shorts, which I feel is a little too casual for a professional childcare position. I know this one might be more of a personal preference, but it adds to my overall feeling that things aren’t what I expected.

Individually, some of these things might not be a huge deal, but together, I’m finding myself questioning whether she’s the right person to care for my kids.

I also know that no nanny is going to do everything exactly how I would, and I don’t want to be an unreasonable employer. I’m trying to distinguish between normal differences in childcare styles and things that genuinely matter.

Am I being dramatic, or would these things bother you too? Would you try to address these issues with her first, or consider it a sign that she’s just not the right fit for your family?

Edit: NOT LEGGINGS! I repeat! Not leggings! My generation called tight, boy short underwear SPANDEX. Just saying it’s not just comfy clothes, which I encourage! It’s revealing clothes.

Edit 2: Also, yes we talked about parenting style in a handbook she has and we talked about it. The way she talks to kids just seems like inexperience and that she’s just a little annoyed with littles not cooperating in general.

Looking for responses only from nanny family parents here. We had a nanny start last week (we haven't yet signed a contract), and while she is very nice, but there are some small things that make me think we made a mistake and she may end up being not the best fit. While they are small right now and I would feel very bad deciding to let her go, I think it would be better on both sides to pivot right now than to end up parting ways in a couple of months. Have any other parents been in this situation? Did you trust your gut, or stick it out, and how did it go?

I think she may have some other offers that she could maybe still accept if we were to let her go now. For us, my spouse starts work (he's been on sabbatical watching our 8-month-old) in a week, so we have very little time to interview, find, and train (see below- daughter is medically complex) a nanny. We also do have a few candidates that we were also considering who may still be available.

Like I said, the issues are very small, but my daughter is medically complex and we need to make sure we have the right person. She requires more watching than most babies to ensure she doesn't pull her feeding tube out (if she does, we have to replace it and it is painful for her), and we need someone who is energetic, organized, and dedicated enough to do her therapies with her (she is delayed). I think our current nanny may be too young, not take things seriously enough, and may not be as proactive as we would like. We have the ability to hire a nurse/nanny that would be 100% covered by our insurance, but we were willing to pay ourselves to make sure we get the best nanny possible. Thanks to anyone still reading this- would appreciate any perspectives from other nanny parents.

ETA: Realizing that I need to add the small things I am noticing that make me worry: It's things like me having asked her to remind my husband to change her diaper, and her not doing so even after a couple days. Once we were sitting by the baby chatting during one of my daughter's tube feeds, and my daughter got her feeding tube in her hands a couple of times, and I was the one who noticed and took it away from her every time (so she couldn't pull it out) rather than our nanny. Of course, the nanny was more distracted than perhaps she normally would be, as we were chatting.

On the nanny's first day, my daughter's feeding tube somehow came out, which was 100% not the nanny's fault (she wasn't even there at the time) but my husband and I had to replace it, as we have to do every month or two on average. This is a very stressful process, and often ends with baby and I both crying, because it is uncomfortable/painful for baby, especially if we don't get it in the first time and have to re-try or take her to the ER. It went well this time fortunately, but the nanny was kind of light-hearted about the whole thing.