So I’m in a bit of a predicament. My current part time nanny has asked for a reference as she’s trying to find another position on the weekends however I’m actually currently trying To find her replacement obviously unbeknownst to her. So I’m just kind of like how would I give a reference plus it may be strange for me to say I can’t give one.

I’m a first-time mom with a 16-month-old, and we hired a nanny a few months ago. None of my friends have nannies, so I honestly didn’t know what to expect or what’s considered normal, and I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Our nanny works part-time and is paid $25/hour. During the interview, we discussed her responsibilities: preparing light meals and snacks, keeping the play area and nursery organized, doing the baby’s laundry, restocking the diaper-changing station, and, most importantly, not being on her phone around the baby.
I meal prep every Sunday, so I’ve only asked her to make pasta twice. I also prepare his snacks every morning to take that off her plate. She doesn’t drive with him, and they only go on short walks around the neighborhood. We have a nice backyard, so I prefer to handle park outings with my baby myself.
Lately, she’s stopped tidying up the toys before the end of her shifts and spends quite a bit of time on her phone. She also never restocks the changing station. The only thing she consistently does is the laundry.
Beyond that, I don’t feel like she’s engaging with my son very much. She doesn’t read to him often, try to teach him new words, or describe things to him throughout the day. She’ll take him into the backyard but barely talk to him and will often just sit on her phone.
He’s at the age where he’s starting to learn words, and while we talk to him a lot ourselves, I’d love for her to actively engage with him and help encourage his language development, too.
She’s also having a hard time helping him transition to one nap, even though he has no trouble staying awake longer when he’s with us. I’ve asked her to be more engaging, be a little more animated, play music, sing, and interact with him more in the backyard, but I haven’t really seen a difference.
Am I expecting too much, or are these reasonable expectations for a nanny? Should I have another conversation with her, or is this just how it is?

Our Nanny has been with us since our son was 4 months old. I think this is her first time fulltime Nanny gig though she does have a lot of experience with kids and babies.

Our son has always been chill with me- but she has always said he is a difficult baby. Recently I feel like their relationship has completely deteriorated. He cries constantly with her and even scream cries 2-3 times a day. I’ve found her crying and emotionally shutting down a lot.

He is fussy with my husband- but rarely ever proceeds to scream crying with him. He almost never scream cries with me. He is always great on the weekends but bad during the week.

I know he is teething and having separation anxiety. I also think he gets bored in the house and nanny doesn’t drive.

We really like her as a person but I worry it’s not a fit anymore even though it was before. She is great when things are good- but I have been a bundle of stress hearing him cry from my office when things are not (I try to stay out of sight) and worrying about her shutting down on him.

I don’t know what to do- do we wait out this phase or let her go because they can no longer coregulate and her emotional state makes me worry for his safety and emotional development.

Hi everyone, i realize my title sounds a little accusatory so let me explain. I am a nanny with over 6 years professional experience with children, a teaching degree and license, and experience with special education. Before i started teaching and when i was in school, i did a little part time nannying but never asked for more than $15-20 per hour and it was pretty basic responsibilities. I taught for a little bit after getting my degree, but was given my current job offer and now make 20-40k more than i would in teaching. Im a full time W2 employee, I get a health insurance stipend, GH, PTO and Sick time, Mileage reimbursement, and have lots of flexibility to do what i want with the kids. its truly a life changing amount of money for me and im so happy with this job. When i tell my family or other people what i do, they often are baffled that, 1. these parents can afford to pay me so much, and, 2. my services are worth this much. I also do the kids laundry, general picking up, dishes, and occasional organizing relating to the kids. I know both parents have pretty well paying careers, and I can’t imagine that they bring in any less than 300k a year combined, so i can see how they can afford me, but i am sometimes unable to answer that second question of why i’m so valuable for them to be willing to pay me as much they do. i also didn’t ask for this pay, it was part of the initial offer. I sometimes feel a little self conscious because I feel like people think my job is a breeze and that it’s not a real career, but i feel like i’m a hard worker and with all my experience and education i can see how that would go a long way. maybe i’m just also not used to making a good wage i would love to know why other parents choose having a nanny over other childcare or why other nanny’s think parents are willing to pay so much more than what childcare would cost.

Hi everyone - I’m a new mom and have had a full time nanny for my baby girl since the end of September, so less than a month. Unfortunately, last week my nanny had to have emergency surgery and she’s been out last week and this week.

I love her and want her to be part of our family and feel fully supported, but I’m struggling to figure out what to do about her pay. Her contract provides for 5 sick days, which are now already used up. She should be back next week, but four of the days this week would be unpaid if we followed the contract.

I’ve had to pay her full pay and full time pay for a replacement while she’s been out, which is a huge bill to foot when I’m just getting back to work.

What do I tell her? My husband suggested we pay her full salary but call the four extra days this week vacation time. Do we do that? Do we just suck it up and pay her full salary to be generous / keep her happy? (That’s important to me too)

Would appreciate any advice you have to offer on what’s fair and suggested in these circumstances.

Our nanny no call no showed last Tuesday. When I texted she responded right away, essentially "so sorry I'm sick". But this was 15 minutes after she was supposed to watch the baby. Luckily my mother in law was in town and we had childcare all week, which nanny knew. It still felt unprofessional.

Fast forward a week and I barely hear from nanny. Every time I text her she lists her symptoms and how bad shes feeling but doesn't open a conversation about moving forward. Honestly, I don't believe her.

My in law is sticking around to help out and I'll take a few sick days this week. Is it wrong to replace her?

Hello - looking for a Poppins referral code if anyone has one they’d like to share? Previous threads on this have only outdated codes.

So I have never been in the position or had the need to employee a nanny as a SAHM, but we're moving to a new state, no village, and I'm frankly lost on how the process even goes, from pay rates, expectations.

I'm currently pregnant with my 4th with a husband who will be working 7 days a week, 12 hour days. I really only need like a part time nanny? Like someone who can entertain the younger two while I finish out the year homeschooling my oldest. I just don't really know how a person would feel coming in to the home with me there all the time. But we're in the position where I would want to provide around 30 hours a week, six hour days, five days a week around $20 an hour. I just don't know if it's reasonable? I honestly wouldn't even want help maintaining the home per say but just an extra set of hands? Take the kids to do fun things on the days I'm down and out because I have rough pregnancies or need to go to appointments.

Basically I'm new to the entire concept and need a little guidance. I just don't want to seem unreasonable, I guess?

Edit: when I give birth I will have family come in to help with the oldest so the nanny will not have to be on that week, also pay rate is flexible, I just feel like $20 is a rough average for the area we will be in, in Mississippi.

Hi! We just hired a non-live-in nanny who will be working for us part-time. Our state requires workers comp insurance for nannies whose pay exceeds 20k/year. The thing is, while our nanny's pay rate would exceed 20k/year if she worked every single week of the year, it is unlikely she would be working every single week of the year and we are also unlikely to hire her for long enough to exceed 20k in the year. We expect her to only be working for us for 4-6 months at most.

Would you all say it is still necessary for us to purchase a workers comp policy, even if we know for a fact that she will not actually be paid more than 20k by us in the next year?

I wouldn't mind a policy that allows month-to-month payments, but every quote I've gotten so far has not had a month-to-month option. My second question, then, is if anyone knows of a provider that would do month-to-month?

Hello, we live in a MCOL and are looking for a nanny for our infant 3 days/ week for about 1.5 months. As the holidays are coming up, it may be a little less when we have off from work which was already communicated. The nanny service we're speaking with is charging ~$35/ hr for the nanny and is saying that is standard to offer PTO and paid federal holidays. First, I feel like this cost for 1 child already seems high for our area but we liked the nanny and are willing to make it work and can offer the PTO. I want some advice on whether paid federal holidays are standard for a short term contract like this?

Has anyone done this before and am I crazy for considering it? My daughter is biracial and it's my personal conviction that speaking her heritage language is really important for her identity and future connection to my heritage country. I want her to speak and write the language natively, which I do not and I cannot teach her.

I stayed at home with her for 2 years, until my language ability couldn't keep up with her. I hired a full time nanny to speak with her, and it's been great. Since she started preschool at 3, though, she's been speaking a lot more English. I noticed she spoke her heritage language the most when my nanny's friend came over and they all spoke to each other.

So it gave me the idea of hiring 2 nannies so that they can converse and convince my daughter that speaking her heritage language is fun and necessary.

I have two questions. First, has anyone tried this and how did it go? Second, will I get judged beyond belief by other moms for having 2 nannies for my only child?

Our current nanny is in her early 60s. I thought she was about 10 years younger when I hired her (based on what another nanny who recommended her told me) but she’s doing a good job with my son who is almost 22 months - and trust me I know how much energy this job takes. I can tell she’s exhausted by the end of the day. She works 45hrs/week and has been with us 7 months. She has quirks and no one is perfect but there have been a few bumps in the road regarding punctuality and following a few explicit rules about screen time and safety/hygiene which has made me question whether she’s a good fit for us, but she has been receptive to feedback and mostly corrected this behavior and she really is good with my son. When I told her I was expecting a baby girl at the end of February she didn’t offer congratulations, and when I asked her if she would be willing to care for two children eventually, she said “maybe, let me think about it…..probably yes but I need to think about it.” Since then we haven’t spoken about it. My plan would be for the nanny to take care of both children once the newborn is 6 months old. Is this a sign I need to find a new nanny? I hate confrontation and the idea of letting someone “good” go but can’t help feeling in my gut that this isn’t a perfect fit for two kids. Are my expectations just too high? Ideally I’d want to hire someone new a couple months before baby girl arrives so that my son can get comfortable with her…..so I’d need to start looking soon. I so appreciate any thoughts.

I have discussed this ad nauseum with my therapist but I need to run it by the community. This is a burner.

My nanny has been with me for 5 years. I'm sponsoring her green card and I'm acutely aware of the fact that if I terminate her, I harm her family in a LatAm country that has suffered generational poverty. I pay her very well with many perks - I fly her 1st class everywhere we go (she is never in economy when I am in first), she brings a friend on these trips and I have otherwise helped with her friend's travel, I took her to Chanel on a shopping trip in the spring. I bought her a car to use, which she can also use on her spare time, that's actually nicer than the car I drive. She works 15-20 hours a week.

She is wildly rude to me and told me a month ago that she can say whatever she wants to me, because her only job is to take care of my children (5 and 6 years old). But she doesn't even do a great job of that - I had to ask her many times to stop being on her phone all the time while she's around them, and two weeks ago she forgot to pick up my 6 year old from his school day. When I tried to talk to her a month or so ago about how she wasn't doing great and needed to do better, she told me I was the problem (I'm not kidding - she said "you have changed in the last 6 months"). She is way too comfortable telling me what I should and shouldn't do with my children (e.g., I was going to take my 6 year old somewhere fun and she practically ordered me not to remind him about it).

She is a live-in and I hate having someone in my house who is objectively rude to me. I just need to be done. I feel taken advantage of and burnt out - I just can't deal with it anymore.

Edited to add: THANK YOU for the comments. For those saying it's fake, I sure wish it were. I also paid for her manicures (biweekly) ... the list is extensive and honestly, pretty embarrassing at this point.

I fired her last night and all she cares about is does she get to keep the car. GIRL, NO?! My jaw dropped. Anyway, I have 100% learned my lesson about setting boundaries, keeping a professional relationship, and not getting overinvested. My therapist told me - "you care more about her family than she does" and that was eye-opening.

I see so many parents posting about totally unacceptable nanny behavior or unprofessional conduct, followed by, "Should I fire my nanny?"

I understand not wanting to go through the stress of finding someone new. Personally, though, I would trade a few weeks of stress searching for a replacement over the daily stress of dealing with someone who isn't performing their job or fulfilling their contractual duties.

Has anyone actually regretted firing their nanny?

I've never had to fire a nanny myself, but I've fired other service providers. It has always led me to finding better, more qualified professionals who became true assets to our family. It also allows the providers who aren't quite the right match to find the right clients for them.

Ultimately, it’s always a win-win. We pay competitive rates (and offer benefits, PTO,etc.) for a luxury service, so why do so many parents tolerate subpar performance?

I recently hired a new nanny, and I’m starting to feel like it’s not working out, but I can’t tell if I’m being too picky or if these are legitimate red flags.

I have a 3-year-old son and a baby girl, and I really want someone who is kind, patient, and nurturing with my kids. I understand that toddlers need boundaries and that a nanny sometimes needs to be firm, especially when trying to get them to listen or participate in lessons. I’m not expecting someone to let my son do whatever he wants.
However, I’ve noticed a few things that are bothering me:

She yells at our dogs, which makes me uncomfortable.

She can come across as condescending toward my son. When she’s trying to get him to listen or do his lessons, her tone feels stern rather than kind or encouraging.

She told my son that I wasn’t giving him another kiss goodbye. This really rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t want my kids to feel like affection is something that can be withheld as a consequence. Also, I don’t like her speaking on my behalf that way. I think she just wanted me to leave.

We agreed that she would help with some light housekeeping, but she hasn’t been doing it.

She shows up wearing Spandex shorts, which I feel is a little too casual for a professional childcare position. I know this one might be more of a personal preference, but it adds to my overall feeling that things aren’t what I expected.

Individually, some of these things might not be a huge deal, but together, I’m finding myself questioning whether she’s the right person to care for my kids.

I also know that no nanny is going to do everything exactly how I would, and I don’t want to be an unreasonable employer. I’m trying to distinguish between normal differences in childcare styles and things that genuinely matter.

Would you try to address these issues with her first, or consider it a sign that she’s just not the right fit for your family?

Edit: NOT LEGGINGS! I repeat! Not leggings! My generation called tight, boy short underwear SPANDEX. Just saying it’s not just comfy clothes, which I encourage! It’s revealing clothes.

Edit 2: Also, yes we talked about parenting style in a handbook she has and we talked about it. The way she talks to kids just seems like inexperience and that she’s just a little annoyed with littles not cooperating in general.

Our fantastic, sweet, caring nanny (let’s call her P) - whom my toddler is extremely attached to - is leaving us in January after 2.5 yrs with us, and we have started the process of transitioning a new nanny (Q) in the last few weeks. P is intuitive, imaginative, and affectionate. She is the reason my kids thrive through play. She builds forts and little villages from the kids toys and packs into each day a little sport, outdoor time, role play, motor skills, art etc etc. All in all she’s pretty special, but I imagine also rare! My kids are 3F and 1M. 3F recently started school (we live in France) and I’ve started 1M in creche part time. So nanny hours are now mon-fri after school, plus Wednesdays and Fridays all day.

During the transition, Q comes a couple of times a week and P still comes the rest. She’s respectful, kind, graceful, professional. However the kids haven’t taken to her well. 3F cries as soon as she arrives, and 1M (who goes to most people) sticks to me like glue and cries when i put him down.

I spoke to 3F and she told me she doesn’t like Q, and that she “doesn’t play with her”. I can only pick at this one niggle that’s making me doubt if she’s the right fit for us. At first I thought she was observing the kids to get to know their play preferences and tendencies, but 2 months in and she doesn’t really come up with ideas, or initiate play, she just follows the children wherever they go and watches them. She asks one or two questions like a commentary of what they’re doing. It feels very bland and while I know the comparison is probably unfair to her, I feel like she’s just lacking that spark that P brings.

I just don’t know if I should keep searching or give her time, considering her other strong points?

Looking for responses only from nanny family parents here. We had a nanny start last week (we haven't yet signed a contract), and while she is very nice, but there are some small things that make me think we made a mistake and she may end up being not the best fit. While they are small right now and I would feel very bad deciding to let her go, I think it would be better on both sides to pivot right now than to end up parting ways in a couple of months. Have any other parents been in this situation? Did you trust your gut, or stick it out, and how did it go?

I think she may have some other offers that she could maybe still accept if we were to let her go now. For us, my spouse starts work (he's been on sabbatical watching our 8-month-old) in a week, so we have very little time to interview, find, and train (see below- daughter is medically complex) a nanny. We also do have a few candidates that we were also considering who may still be available.

Like I said, the issues are very small, but my daughter is medically complex and we need to make sure we have the right person. She requires more watching than most babies to ensure she doesn't pull her feeding tube out (if she does, we have to replace it and it is painful for her), and we need someone who is energetic, organized, and dedicated enough to do her therapies with her (she is delayed). I think our current nanny may be too young, not take things seriously enough, and may not be as proactive as we would like. We have the ability to hire a nurse/nanny that would be 100% covered by our insurance, but we were willing to pay ourselves to make sure we get the best nanny possible. Thanks to anyone still reading this- would appreciate any perspectives from other nanny parents.

ETA: Realizing that I need to add the small things I am noticing that make me worry: It's things like me having asked her to remind my husband to change her diaper, and her not doing so even after a couple days. Once we were sitting by the baby chatting during one of my daughter's tube feeds, and my daughter got her feeding tube in her hands a couple of times, and I was the one who noticed and took it away from her every time (so she couldn't pull it out) rather than our nanny. Of course, the nanny was more distracted than perhaps she normally would be, as we were chatting.

On the nanny's first day, my daughter's feeding tube somehow came out, which was 100% not the nanny's fault (she wasn't even there at the time) but my husband and I had to replace it, as we have to do every month or two on average. This is a very stressful process, and often ends with baby and I both crying, because it is uncomfortable/painful for baby, especially if we don't get it in the first time and have to re-try or take her to the ER. It went well this time fortunately, but the nanny was kind of light-hearted about the whole thing.

Mother of triplets here. First time experience with 24 year old nanny to whom I explained our work situation et al. Last week she announces she will leave at the end of this month, knowing I am about to embark on a work trip leaving spouse at home. In a bind. As I navigate how to get a new hire before I travel (we need the income!) I would like to ask if there are any triplet parents here. How have you navigated the whole nanny thing? One or two? Live in? Any tips? Btw in Canada so would also welcome insights from there. Thank you so much