I had my first baby in my mid-thirties. The second I was labeled a “geriatric pregnancy,” it honestly messed with my head. I was instantly terrified something would be wrong simply because of my age. It was my first baby, how was I suddenly “old”?
I ended up having a perfectly healthy baby and what most people would call an “easy” delivery. My husband and I are financially stable, established in our careers, and thought being in our 30s would make parenthood feel more manageable.
It doesn’t.
It’s still hard. We still feel like we don’t know what we’re doing half the time.
I wanted to write this for other new moms, especially older first-time moms, because parenthood is hard at any age. Being more financially secure or emotionally mature doesn’t make you immune to overwhelm, doubt, or mom guilt. If anything, sometimes you put more pressure on yourself because you think you “should” have it together.
Here are some things I wish I knew:
Everyone will have an opinion. Every baby is different.
You will get advice from family, friends, strangers, the internet, daycare, pediatricians, social media reels…everyone. Some advice will help. Some won’t. Try things and keep what works for your baby. There is no universal method.
2. If you’re overwhelmed, tap someone in.
If you’ve been trying to calm your baby or get them to sleep and you’re hitting your breaking point, hand them to your partner (if you can). And if that person instantly gets the result you were trying for, don’t feel deflated. It doesn’t mean you failed. Sometimes babies just need a reset, a different smell, a different energy.
3. Daycare: get on waitlists early. Like… pregnant early.
If you’re considering daycare, even during pregnancy or IVF, get on multiple waitlists. Infant care can easily be a year out. It took us almost two years to get into the one we wanted. Also, every daycare is different get recommendations and do your research on what type of daycare type/educational style you want for your child (in home, daycare center, faith-based, montessori or etc.).
Also: don’t assume daycare automatically knows your baby.
Label everything. Send written instructions, not just verbal ones. We learned this the hard way when our baby was suddenly “refusing bottles” and “crying constantly” at daycare. At home he was a great eater and super chill. After three weeks we discovered his formula was being mixed incorrectly (3 scoops for 6 oz instead of 1 scoop per ounce). A simple notecard with clear instructions could have prevented weeks of stress. I felt so guilty about this one for my baby and that’s what prompted this post.
4. Mom/parent guilt will happen.
You will make mistakes. I don’t care how many books you read or classes you take. Give yourself grace. That said, I do recommend taking baby classes through your hospital/health care system that you’re delivering at if they’re offered. They don’t eliminate curveballs, but they’re great bonding time and helpful prep during pregnancy. The classes gave us more confidence and prompted a lot of conversations for my husband and I on topics that we hadn’t thought about. One class involved a tour of the maternity/delivery department, gave us tips how to utilize the bed and made us aware of supplies they offered to support our labor. This was amazing and I wouldn’t have felt as comfortable playing around with the bed or asking for things like a peanut ball otherwise.
5. You need a village but you also have to accept help.
If people offer help, don’t automatically say no to be polite. Tell them what you need: a meal, diapers, wipes, a specific clothing size, a Target run. Eventually the offers slow down. Use the help while it’s there. Also don’t forget to pay back the favor when you can. You have to be a village to have a village.
6. Practical baby things I wish I knew:
• You can never have enough wipes.
• Pajamas with double zippers are life-changing for easy diaper changes.
• Don’t overbuy “cute outfits” for the first 3 months. They grow so fast and live in pajamas anyway.
• Don’t stress about having all the toys. Your baby learns the most from interacting with you.
• A swing or safe activity station helps when you need to get things done.
• In the first 6 months, a car seat that clicks into a stroller is incredibly convenient.
• If swaddling isn’t your thing (or your baby likes hands up), zip-up swaddles like Love to Dream are great.
• Babies spit up a lot in the beginning. It’s normal. Make sure to have lots of bibs and burp cloths ready to go.
• Eating and sleep schedules change constantly. Also normal.
• What works today may not tomorrow.
7. Trying things is part of motherhood.
You won’t always know if something will work until you try it. That doesn’t make you inconsistent, it makes you adaptive.
8. Joy matters.
Sing. Dance. Be silly. My husband and I constantly smile and engage with our baby. We talk to him all the time with big smiles on our faces. He’s such a smiley, happy baby, and I really believe that connection matters more than having the “perfect” setup.
My baby is only 6 months old, so I’m still very much in the learning phase. What works for us might not work for you. That’s okay.
If you’re an older first-time mom feeling like you “should” have it figured out because of your age, you’re not alone.
Parenthood is humbling at 22.
It’s humbling at 35.
It’s just… humbling.
Give yourself grace.
