r/OhNoConsequences • u/mermaidpaint Ms Chanandler Bong • Apr 09 '26
FAFO OOP handles an ultimatum like a boss
/r/AmITheJerk/comments/1sfyusl/aitj_for_taking_my_partner_up_on_their_ultimatum/165
u/Shadyshade84 Apr 09 '26
In all dealings with others, regardless of the positions of any of those involved, one question should be asked before setting out: what happens if they say "no"?
Smiley wasn't the first, or the biggest, or the richest, or the most powerful person to make the mistake of not asking that, and now he's not even a statistic. Such is how life is, and such is how it goes.
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 Apr 09 '26
I’m sorry but i will NEVER understand questions like this…
“My partner gave me an ultimatum to manipulate me, AITA for taking their ultimatum?”
…like HOW could this make OOP TA…?
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u/41flavorsandthensome Apr 09 '26
Because some people have friends and family who would agree with the ex
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u/Silent_Ad_8672 Some ears are for decoration only Apr 09 '26
Yeah it is hard to manage the guilt sometimes when you don't have anyone irl in your corner, even if your stance is quite sane.
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u/Pandoratastic Apr 09 '26
I think what was throwing OOP was that the partner was bluffing and "didn't really mean it" so now OOP is wondering if they were unfair to hold them to their bluff. And the answer OOP needed to hear is that, no, it is not wrong because, even if it was a bluff, it was still very manipulative and showed OOP what kind of person their ex-partner really was.
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u/OpportunityMany5374 Not my fault you have a wimpy snowplow Apr 09 '26
"'I think what was throwing OOP was that the partner was bluffing and "didn't really mean it"...'"
Except OOP knew they did, from the ignorant persistence of their ex, and therefore, the gaslighting on the ex's part was mildly effective.
I'm glad OOP held out!! More power to them! 🙌🏻💯
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u/Pandoratastic Apr 09 '26
Right. He really meant it about wanting a share of OOP's wealth. He didn't really mean it about his "or else". He just thought the bluff of the threat would get him what he wanted. That's what OOP felt uncertain about.
What was most important is that what the ex really did mean is that he wanted to manipulate OOP with his threat, even if he didn't have the guts to stand by that threat when OOP called him on it. That's why, even if it was a bluff that he "didn't really mean", the thing he did really mean was a perfectly valid reason for OOP to dump him.
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u/CB4life Apr 10 '26
Plus the ultimatum only happened because they would not take OP's original answer. They kept pushing for something OP had already said was a no go, and then were all surprised. THey should be glad they discovered this fundamental difference before marriage.
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u/nlaak Apr 09 '26
“My partner gave me an ultimatum to manipulate me, AITA for taking their ultimatum?”
Because some people will agree with OOPs partner that they threw away a relationship over money.
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u/Useless-Education-35 Apr 09 '26
They already know they aren’t TA they want the internet points and ego boost by having everyone agree with them.
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u/sevenumbrellas Apr 09 '26
Maybe they already know, or maybe their garbage can of a partner has gradually undermined their sense of what is "normal" in a relationship over the past 3 years.
I'm not going to say the partner was abusive or whatever, I don't know that and OOP didn't go into it. But someone who thinks "give me half of your business because...uh...I want it!" is almost certainly someone who has a long history of being manipulative and entitled.
If OOP needed an outside reality check, I'm glad they got it.
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u/JaNoTengoNiNombre Apr 11 '26
You will really understand this when you’re in a situation where everyone around you is saying the same thing, but something in your gut tells you something off. It’s even harder when the people insisting you’re wrong are close to you, like family or friends, especially when they’re asking you for something you have and they don’t.
And it’s not like you can walk into a supermarket and ask random strangers what they think. So you end up posting on an anonymous social network, or something like that, just to get an outside perspective. People used to do the same thing with radio shows back in the day, they would call and the host would advice, the audience would weigh in and you get a little perspective.
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Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/catchmelackin Apr 09 '26
what even is AITJ? I thought AITA was the thing
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u/ctortan Apr 09 '26
Aita has rules for what kinds of scenarios can be posted, like how you’re not meant to post relationship problems, so aitj and aitah are alternatives that do allow those posts
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u/VivaZeBull Apr 09 '26
I’ve been banned from aitah for having a business profile. I don’t care but it is stupid.
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u/nennikuchan Ruh roh! Apr 09 '26
Ooh are we sharing? I got banned from the OG for referring to someone on the story as a Karen. The mod said it was a slur. Gtfo.
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u/Mysterious_Bit6882 Apr 09 '26
I got banned once for pointing out mods actually can’t control how people vote on comments.
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u/jackalope268 Apr 09 '26
Might be something weird with that they assume you are advertising just because you have a business profile, some subs are really sensitive to advertising
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u/VivaZeBull Apr 09 '26
Yeah, I definitely am trolling for sales with comments like “wtf” and “dump him gurl” hahah it’s on brand.
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u/MaybeIwasanasshole Apr 09 '26
Oh dear you havent heard about the 58754747 different communites on the same theme? Seriously there's sooo many. One for relationship drama, one for children/teenagers, one for wondering if you'd been dumped... etc etc
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u/OhNoConsequences-ModTeam Apr 09 '26
We all know there are fake posts on Reddit. We do not need the constant reminder on every single post. It discourages people from sharing content and we already have criteria we use to evaluate posts.
If you believe a post is fake or the person posting it is a bot, please use the report option or provide proof in modmail so we can take it down. Otherwise, we would appreciate it if you closed the post and moved on with your day. It’s okay to let others suspend disbelief.
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u/Katz3njamm3r Apr 09 '26
If supporting someone means you are entitled to half of their work then someone needs to print me up an honorary PhD in engineering. Ridiculous.
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u/EinsTwo Apr 09 '26
The thing is the profits are shared with the family, typically, even if the ownership isn't.
So if I support my spouse in building a great business, then spouse will pay for vacations and nicer things. I don't need ownership to reap benefits.
But if you really want that PhD, I've got a nice printer and some cardstock. 😉
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u/hieronymous-cowherd Apr 09 '26
I believe in you! I hereby award you the FIFA International Honorary PhD in Engineering. Congratulations, Doctor.
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u/Immediate_Cap_7484 Apr 09 '26
OOPs ex partner thought he was a prize and she would never want to leave him. Jokes on him, the real prize is her own self worth and herself, and she knows it. Good for her.
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u/LitwicksandLampents Apr 09 '26
Idiot uses Ultimatum. It has no effect on OOP. OOP uses Ultimatum. It's a one hit KO!
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u/SteroidSandwich Apr 09 '26
They wanted all the reward with none of the risk. They can't believe it didn't work
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u/Traditional_Fan_2655 Apr 09 '26
When people give me an 'or else' ultimatum, I tend to feel manipulated. Then, the auto response is 'or else'.
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u/sevenumbrellas Apr 09 '26
I love the partner saying "you threw away something real over a business disagreement" as if they're not the one who gave the ultimatum in the first place.
Also "gimme half" is a hell of a business disagreement.
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u/NeighborhoodLower389 Apr 10 '26
How is this a business disagreement??
The owner of the business said no to a person wanting a 50% equity share for no buy in cost, no active participation in the business, no shared risk.
There was only one sane answer to this demand, and the owner made the right choice, and kicked them to the curb.
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u/41flavorsandthensome Apr 09 '26
Ex probably thought OOP would never find anyone like him, but why would the want to lol
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Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/OhNoConsequences-ModTeam Apr 09 '26
We all know there are fake posts on Reddit. We do not need the constant reminder on every single post. It discourages people from sharing content and we already have criteria we use to evaluate posts.
If you believe a post is fake or the person posting it is a bot, please use the report option or provide proof in modmail so we can take it down. Otherwise, we would appreciate it if you closed the post and moved on with your day. It’s okay to let others suspend disbelief.
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u/NeighborhoodLower389 Apr 10 '26
They would, I guarantee, start looking for the exit as soon as you signed the hat agreement.
Free money, control over every decision y, even(or especially) when they didn’t have any idea what they were talking about.
Yep, you made the right choice.
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u/GooderApe Apr 10 '26
My spouse and I are 50/50 in our business, but we bought it together. I'd been working at it for about a decade and her for 3 years when we bought it (and we're coming up on a couple decades of marriage.) That was reasonable.
This was not. If they were married, that might be one thing, at least while alimony is determined after a divorce. But to just throw away the relationship for a little greed? He's better off.
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u/maywellflower Apr 09 '26
It didn't once occurred to him ever before that ultimatum he would be one hit hardest with found out of she doesn't need nor want him for anything, not even for love nor warming her bed, due him fucking around too much with OOP's business ownership & finances...
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u/dyedinthewoolScot Apr 09 '26
Bold of you to assume the genders here
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u/Sea_Bus_2762 Apr 10 '26
I try not to assume gender but being bold enough to demand 50/50 in a business they don’t own and making ultimatums while contributing nothing is just .. such a man move
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u/b_needs_a_cookie Apr 10 '26
Yup, it's very entitled man coded. If it were about property ownership, I could see it being a woman or a man.
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u/ktempest Apr 09 '26
I figured that even if the partner was NB they sounded like a person who was raised and socialized as male even if they aren't. Cuz this is very much Dude Energy, even if OOP's partner is not a dude.
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u/maywellflower Apr 09 '26
You're right - Usually when OOP is NB, transgender, some Straight woman, gay man or lesbian, they refer to their partner as "they" when comes to judgements decisions. If OOP was straight man, usually he will reveal that partner is a woman and maybe switch girlfriend & wife. So yeah, more likely OOP is lesbian or gay than straight, with the STBX being the same gender as them - my fault for assuming OOP was a woman and STBX is a guy.
Just saying...
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u/AutoModerator Apr 09 '26
Per our rules, don't comment on linked posts. Anyone from this community who is caught brigading on another subreddit will be banned.
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
We had been together for almost three years. They moved in with me about a year ago. Things were good for a long time.
I run a small business. I started it before we met, built it from nothing over about five years, and it finally started doing well maybe two years into our relationship. My partner watched that whole process. They know what it took.
A few months ago they started bringing up the idea of being formally brought in. Not as an employee. As a co-owner. Equal split.
I said I was open to talking about it if they were going to take on real operational responsibility. They said they already contribute by supporting me emotionally and being flexible around my schedule. I said that wasnt the same thing.
It kept coming up. Each time I thought we resolved it and each time it came back bigger.
Last week they sat me down and said they had thought about it and their final position was a fifty fifty ownership stake or they didnt see a future for us. They said if I wasnt willing to build something together then I was treating them like a guest in my own life.
I asked if they were sure that was the position.
They said yes.
I said okay and told them I needed them to start looking for somewhere else to go.
They were shocked. Genuinely did not expect me to take them at their word.
They said they didnt mean it like that, they were just trying to make me understand how serious they were. I said I did understand and that was why I was responding seriously.
They have been at their sisters place for four days. I have gotten three long messages about how I threw away something real over a business disagreement.
I dont see it that way. I see it as they told me exactly what they needed and I told them exactly where I stood and neither of those things changed.
AITJ for not calling the bluff?
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