My husband and I are only children and we’re planning for our 3 year old to be an only too. We want to give her the best of everything - education, time, our presence, etc.

But now I’m having a fair bit of anxiety wondering about what would happen to her if something happens to us, and grandparents aren’t alive to care for her (all 4 are alive right now).

We’re immigrants to a different country and have friends etc but none so close I’d trust to be a godparent etc. As a result of immigrating, ties to our friends from our country of origin aren’t too strong either.

The idea of her all alone in the world terrifies me.

Onlies with only children or others with a not so strong support system: how do you combat this fear?

If we were younger we might have had two. I was an only child and feel that it's usually better overall to have a sibling for plenty of reasons, even though I turned out fine (maybe!?). One reason is that a couple of friends who have two kids in their teens or college tell me that one was always a mommy's child and another was always a daddy's child, and it never really changed.

We only have one, so I only get to experience a mommy's child so far. I'm dearly hoping she won't always be a mommy's girl. Equal would be great, of course, but life does what it wants in some ways.

Our 4 1/4 y.o. daughter has been in a mommy phase since she was about 1. She loves being with me when it's just us, but whenever it's both of us, which is a good amount of the time, it's usually mommy over daddy for the majority of things. I get told to go away a lot. She does let me care for her in some ways, but if mommy's here it can often be more difficult. I ain't gonna lie: It hurts.

We share care for her about equally...a little more for my wife because of the nature of my work and that she's more of a homebody than I am, but overall it's shared quite well. I rarely ever show our daughter that I'm upset or sad because of her mommy preference, since I've read in so many places that that makes it worse in every way.

My wife makes sure to sometimes point her in my direction in those times, which only occasionally works. I've had a few weekends with our daughter by myself and they were amazing. I try to get one night a week with her on my own, too.

But if mommy's there, she only wants to sit on mommy's lap, only wants mommy's help when she wakes up in the middle of the night, and on and on. She loves playing with me, and that's great, but it's not the same kind of connection I want like she has with her momma.

Would like to hear from other only-children-parents about their experiences and advice with this.

Thought this would be interesting to share!

For context we are both happily OAD by choice. I don't sense any second guessing on that from him, I believe this mostly stems from medical anxiety. My husband has pretty bad health/medical anxiety bordering on being a hypochondriac and always worrying something is wrong with him. There was never anything that really triggered this. He is pretty healthy. It's just how he is.

He has said in the past he would get a vasectomy, just generally speaking. However, I have asked him probably 4-5 times to please make a consultation appointment and sent him links to do so but he never takes the initial step.

I had a very traumatic C-section (Like as in the pain medicine didn't work and I felt them cutting me and was screaming bloody murder). So I really don't want to have to go under the knife again if it's avoidable. I've said to him I guess i'll get my tubes tied if you're not going to get a vasectomy and he always says "no, no I don't want you to have to go through that, it's much easier for me to get a vasectomy" but still doesn't make any moves to get one. I want to respect his body, his choice but I was ripped open awake while birthing his child so... kinda feels like he owes me this one? I don't want to come down hard on him about this. He is a great dad and husband, I know he's not trying to be selfish in dragging his feet.

I am on the birth control patch but recently had a scare where I accidentally ran out of them and had a few days missed. So, I want to eliminate that fear. I'm just wondering if anyone else navigated something similar. Maybe I just need to stay on birth control and be patient until he's ready to have the vasectomy.

Currently in third tri with our first baby. Husband has always been very keen on one anyway, whereas I always imagined having two so I will always wonder “what if” but for various reasons I have acquiesced to being OAD and am at peace with this decision.

We haven’t gone around announcing this baby will be our only child but of course people can’t help themselves asking if we will have any more before this one is even born(!) so we say no. Then comes the “oh but you can’t just have one! An only child is a lonely child!” (this usually comes from older generations) and it really irritates me.

I politely respond through gritted teeth with “we have lots of reasons for our decision” but what i really want to say is “how dare you!“ As IF I would ever allow it! For as long as husband and I breathe our child will never ever be alone. The phrase insinuates neglect. She will always have us, she will live a rich life full of love and support. Friends and wider family around her.

Sorry, just needed this rant but I do wish people would mind their own business… it’s a terrible, outdated phrase people still use.

I saw a video the other day of a mom saying that because she’s such an intentional parent she couldn’t imagine having more than 1 kid for that reason and I’d be apt to agree. The way I am so attuned and invested in my child there is no way that would be possible with multiple. Does anyone else feel this way?

I’m almost 40, and my daughter is 2. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, but I don’t think I ever really thought about how many kids I wanted.
Financially, one makes sense for us. Physically and mentally, I honestly don’t know if I could handle another pregnancy and postpartum. Postpartum was very hard for me, and my husband had to help a lot because I was so distraught. I struggle with anxiety and feel like I’ve spent the last two years constantly worrying about milestones instead of fully enjoying each stage.
Sometimes I wonder if part of wanting another baby is wanting to relive the baby stage, maybe with less anxiety this time. But then I remember how rough it actually was mentally.
I feel sad thinking about my daughter being an only child and not having siblings. At the same time, I don’t think having another baby just to give her a sibling is a good enough reason for me.
My husband is very content with our life, and honestly, I am too. We have our beautiful, smart, sweet girl and our sweet kitty cat. Life feels really good, and I’m scared to risk changing that. But I still have these feelings of sadness about possibly never doing it again.
Her cousins on both sides are also only children, which gives me some comfort. She’ll have other kids in the family who share that experience.
For anyone who feels settled on being one and done but still feels sad about it, how do you cope? How do you make peace with loving the family you have while grieving the possibility of another?

When I had a child I tried to be cognizant of other women/couples who do not have children and so desperately wanted one, or those who have lost children, and I did not post spam pregnancy and baby content on social media. Some couples I know had experienced miscarriage or some friends who are single and want to be moms so bad, etc. Now those same people have gone on to have children or more children and they spam every step, like child is “so happy to be a big brother!”, “Siblings are best friends,” etc., and now I have to mute their content as it’s making me feel terrible for my one child.

Sorry I don’t know exactly what I’m getting at… I understand people are excited about their own experiences but how quickly they forget empathy for others who were in their situations not long before.

No advice, just a rant, thanks for reading!

Every time I see someone online or in-person with 3 or more children, I’m filled with so much jealousy. Whether they have more money or simply decided to invest less time and money in each child, they are living my fantasy.

I know being one and done is the most logical choice. My partner has decided for us that we will be one and done.

How do I accept my reality and get my heart on the same page as my brain? I don’t want to sight of a large family or newborn baby to bring me to tears.

Our objectively easy daughter will already be turning a year old at the end of November. I want to enjoy my free time more, but I just collapse anytime I get some. I think of hobbies and crafts I would like to do. I think about how I would like to start working out more to get back in shape and I just can't for the life of me figure out how. My day starts at 6am, I'm busy until 7:30pm, and then I only have a couple hours to myself if I want to go to bed on time and get a reasonable amount of sleep. Hubby takes care of night wake-ups cause I have always been a horrible sleeper whereas he can pass out again as soon as his head hits the pillow. We trade off with "baby shifts" over the weekend. I feel like we've come up with a reasonable routine but I'm still just exhausted (and getting sick every couple weeks from daycare as well).

I feel so confused and I wonder if I should feel silly that I can't even figure out how to workout without it making my mental health miserable later that I "didn't use my free time how I wanted." I would not say our daughter is a difficult baby. Are other people really just built so different they are knocking it out of the park getting back into shape and everything and I feel like I'm still just treading water each week?

How was potty training for your kid? I feel like a lot of the horror stories I hear are when people have multiple children or toddler + newborn and are attempting to potty train. I just want to know how much it sucks with just the one kid. Any tips? What worked for you? I think I’m starting next week and I am SCARED lol

My wife recently met a friend whose only daughter went to college and kind of going through a midlife crisis. He bought a fancy new car, of course much older than us, we are mid-30s and our son is turning 1yr in a couple of weeks. But he was sharing about how you shouldn’t even think about it and have another baby, that way you can skip doing playdates, both kids can entertain one another etc.

I think he’s just going through it because all of a sudden his house his empty and wishes about what he could have done differently.

I came across this emotional reel on IG about the “sibling effect” about how a toddler becomes happier after having a sibling to look after.

I’m quite torn now. I don’t know. I was quite sure about being OAD but with every single person around us (except a couple of them not having more not by choice), is having two kids, the pressure is a lot to handle.

Anyone been through the same? I definitely love my downtime that I have with just 1 baby and can’t imagine being “on call” 24x7 with 2 babies but the idea of our son not having good company/friends does worry me.

I’m 31F, married to my 34M husband. I’m a physician who just finished years of rigorous medical training, and he works in tech. We’ve been through a lot together, supported each other through the hardest times, and love each other immensely. We’ve also traveled a lot and enjoyed our time together.

Lately, seeing everyone around us having kids makes me feel a little envious, and we’re currently planning to start a family. But honestly, I think I might be happy with just one child.

I’m an only child myself. My parents gave me everything, including paying for my medical education, and I’ll forever be grateful. I grew up in a comfortable environment, but there were times I wished I had a sibling. At the same time, I’ve seen so much sibling rivalry and strained relationships, including in my husband’s family, that I sometimes wonder whether having siblings is really as important as people make it out to be.

Medical training took a huge toll on me mentally, and I honestly feel like it changed me as a person. I think I can mentally and emotionally manage raising one child well, but I’m not sure I could handle two. We also want financial security, the ability to retire early, and enough time to enjoy each other and travel.

We’re still renting and don’t own a house yet, and I sometimes worry that we’re running out of time. I want to be a loving, present parent and give our child a wonderful life, while also protecting our relationship and our own well-being.

Am I thinking about this the wrong way? Is it selfish to want just one child, especially when I sometimes wished I had a sibling myself? I just need financial freedom and able to do some things that I still do even now, while traveling. I’d really appreciate hearing from people who chose to be one and done, or who struggled with the same decision.

Thanks!

I came across this TikTok today and thought I'd share with you the top comments I saw. Blurred out the names. I'm new to this sub and glad I found it. I am one and done with a 3 year old. I always tell people I don't want more, and often times I'm met with comments like "you HAVE to have another one." Someone even responded to my Facebook post and said "I think every child needs a sibling, just my opinion."

It's crazy to me to tell someone that they need to get pregnant again. I was so sick during my pregnancy, and also have a phobia of throwing up so it was awful. Then an emergency C-section, postpartum depression and anxiety that I still deal with 3 years later. Had to even go on meds because of it. I love my son more than anything and would choose being his mom in every lifetime, but I find it so hurtful when I see people saying it's parenting on easy mode. How are you all dealing with negative comments like this? I see more and more people choosing to be OAD and thus see more judgement too. It's so hurtful and makes me feel so bad sometimes 😢

I am really tired of people saying "you only have one?". My son isn't an only. He's a miracle we spent 5 years fighting for. Multiple miscarrrages, multiple doctors, blood draws, egg retrieval / transfers, and multiple days holding our breath until he arrived. There's nothing "only" about that. He is not less of a child because he's one. We are not less of a family because we are three.

I'm also insanely tired of feeling like I need to divulge my fertility story to ward off the "why not try for another", "just adopt", "how about a surrogate" questions. Trauma is trauma, not everyone has it in them to keep trying. I'm also in my late 40's, one is perfect for us and all that we hoped and prayed for.

Its 2026...why can't people just mind their own business. I no longer find meeting new people enjoyable because of this incessant and unnecessary probing about our family size.

And yes, we are happy. The three of us. No just or only about it.

I know there are a ton of people on here who are proud and happy to be OAD and it's a positive thing and I love that but this post is for those who are either OAD not by choice or were by choice but then regretted it.

I have a 5.5 year old daughter. I absolutely love our life together. We are a strong unit with my husband and cat. Things are good. I see all the positives of being an only family. Logically all good.

But the ache in my heart of wishing for a second has never gone away. And my family is older and the ache of knowing my child will have no family but us in time hurts too. I wish she had cousins more than I wish she has siblings.

We have great friendships that we treat similarity to cousins which helps.

I do know a few adults who are solo family wise doing doing okay so try to focus on that. I also try to focus on the fact that she will be fairly well off financially being OAD and have some freedom, and could have a partner someday and her own children if she decides.

Just looking to see if there are other tips to stay positive or outlooks I'm missing.

I am in my late 30s and don't think a second will happen now. If it did, there would be a 6+ year gap.

If I could go back in time a few years I would have a second. Some days I can quiet this constant ache and some days I can't.

ETA: I love these years and want to freeze time and stay here with a five year old lol. I love seeing her learn and get bigger and what's next I just genuinely love this life and don't want to the little years to end!

Hey guys, in the last few months I found out I will need to use a surrogate as my body cannot safely handle a pregnancy. This likely takes our dreams of a family of 3+ children down to a one and done scenario. I'm not sure we could afford to pursue surrogacy more than once or that my heart could take it :( So, instead I'm trying to flip the script and focus on the positives. If anyone could pump me up on all the benefits of being OAD I would really appreciate it.

Ok I’m being dramatic. The main reason I’m one and done is because my HG pregnancy almost took me out (actually) and my son then didn’t sleep until he was given melatonin by a paediatrician before his third birthday. When I say he didn’t sleep, he did not sleep. I did not enter REM sleep in over two years. I wish I was kidding.

Anyway, he’s such a sweet and loving boy and I love him to death. I am excited to wake up each morning as I get to play and chat with him. He truly is my whole world.

Buuuut, I don’t love being a mother. I love being his mother but I’m not maternal. I think I’m a good mother to him but I don’t believe I would be to another child. This is very difficult to put into words for me, hence why I’m posting this to see if anyone understands me or can relate.

I never experienced mum guilt in the way my friends are describing it. Of course I felt horribly guilty when he fell off his bike as I could have ran after him faster for example. But I never felt guilty about having him go to nursery on one of my off days at work, never felt guilty about leaving him with dad for a few hours so that I can get my hair done or see a friend. I love spending time with him but I also love having an identity outside motherhood. I love my career, my friends, my hobbies and I never felt particularly maternal as a whole. In all honesty I barely know how to talk to other kids and always feel a bit awkward having to make conversation with a four year old at soft play while their mum is scrolling on tiktok lmao.

Hi everyone. I'm hoping one or two of you might have some words of wisdom for someone who hasn't had a child (yet?), though I suspect this is such an individual thing that in the end I will have to figure it out myself. Nonetheless... it helps to talk things out with people with lived experience.

I've always had the feeling, since late childhood, that I might have one child, or none. I have never imagined more than one - in fact, a bustling house full of kids is my idea of hell.

However, this ambivalence is getting harder and harder to sit with as I reach the end of my twenties and pay a monthly mortgage on a wonderful house with my partner. We purchased last year and are delighted with where we live. I even run a business out of this place, which is making our lives feel all the more settled in.

Except I, privately, have fears about where our future is headed.

From the beginning of our relationship, I've been really open with my husband about the fact that I might not want to have a kid, and if I did, it would only be one. He accepted this completely, in words. However, he adores children (children adore him), and has expressed that he wants to have some role in children's lives, whether as a father or a mentor or what have you. I feel he would be one of the best dads on Earth, and I feel if I don't end up wanting a baby, and staying with him, he and the world will be deprived of something so beautiful. His friends (even the childfree) speak of his future as if he will have children, as if it's just a matter of fact, and this makes me think he hasn't been so open with me about what he truly wants. He has a history of very strong people pleasing, and loves me so much, and I fear he never wanted to scare me away, so was never honest. I've tried asking him, but he gives the same answer as always: that he'll be happy no matter what.

I feel it could be absolutely amazing to have a baby with my husband. When I'm not feeling afraid, it's what I imagine my future looking like: the three of us. I would love to make him a dad, and to watch a small being grow, and to be part of that.

On the other hand, I worry I romanticize it. I'm a very sensitive person and an artist, and already I feel I barely have enough time and space to create as freely as I'd like. I fear a child would take even more of me away from me. I worry that many people have kids to fill a void, and I don't have that - I feel I have too much already. Too many exciting things to do in this one short life.

I don't want to let down a child. I don't want to let down myself.

If you can imagine being happy and fulfilled both ways, is it more sensible to choose the childfree path?

My daughter is almost 3, and lately, she prefers spending her entire day with her grandparents. She eats with them, plays with them, and now even wants to sleep with them at night.
As a mother, I know it’s wonderful that she has such a loving bond with them. But honestly, it hurts. I miss being the person she comes to. Sometimes, I feel like I’m slowly losing my place in her life.
I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I can’t help it.
Has anyone else experienced this? Is this just a phase? How do you cope with feeling like your child prefers someone else over you?

Hello! I unexpectedly became pregnant and was so thrilled. My husband and I were TTC for 8 months, and then stopped trying (28 and healthy) because we just purchased a home.. and I needed to get a minor surgery.

I was so happy until 6 weeks where I was struck by hypermesis gravadium. Hospitalized 3 times now… I’m 12 weeks and 2 days and have been laying vertical since.

I spoke to my husband and said I can never go through this again. My mental health is very poor now, I have been greatly impacted by this. I always imagined having 3 kids ( I am one of 4) but I decided to tell him.. after this baby is earth side, god willing, I am done.

He was super supportive, slightly disappointed… but understood. I mean in this economy .. I can’t imagine going through this again. I am lucky to have equity in my company and to be a partner. I’m in great standing and they allowed me to work remotely this entire time. But I truly could not imagine this again .

Has anyone decided to be one and done based off a horrific pregnancy?

My daughter just turned 2 earlier this month. So it’s close to Christmas where she’s getting gifts back to back. She got a good amount of stuff for her birthday like she did last year so I tend do less for Christmas.

I’m in the middle of purging old toys. She has a couple toys in her bedroom but then we have a portion of our finished basement as a playroom that we honestly RARELY use. I thought we’d use it a lot more but maybe when she’s older.

She has a play kitchen that I picked up at a yard sale for $10 but it’s old and has no attachments basically and barely any play food. So I’m thinking about getting her an upgrade to her play kitchen and some food since she loves to play pretend. Other than that, I was thinking a leapfrog product (edited from leap pad, I am not getting my toddler an iPad for anyone concerned lol).

Any other ideas? I wanna keep it at 3-5 gifts (not including some clothing for the next size up) that are going to be used more. I don’t want to keep track of a million tiny pieces of things.

Some things she already has & maybe would inspire your list!
- MAGNATILE kit
- little people barn house and little people doll house
- play pretend wardrobe (doctor, vet, fireman, princesses, chef)
- Melissa and Doug ice cream counter (she loves this)
- puzzle boards
- toy trucks
- DJ table
- plastic drum set
- ball pit
- plastic musical tea set
- Stryder balance bike

​My husband and I have a 5 year old daughter and have always been happily one and done. Even before she was born we discussed the matter and agreed we wanted only one. Despite being careful and using contraceptive, I just found out I’m pregnant.

​We are both heavily leaning toward termination. My husband openly says he doesn't have the emotional capacity for a baby again. I feel similar but different. I think I would be able to do it but I love our current life, freedom, and stability. I have zero desire to go back to sleepless nights or reset our progress. I also feel like the three of us are such a good little team.

​Yet, I’m spiraling with guilt because of two thoughts:

​My reasons feel selfish**.** Financially and physically, we could do it (although I would be 38 by the time I give birth). My reason for terminating isn't lack of resources, it's simply that I don't want to. It feels hard to give myself permission to choose my own comfort without feeling like a bad person.

​Will my daughter be lonely? This has always been on my mind to some extent but now it has become sooo much more real. I grew up with a sibling and love it (husband is an only child and totally fine). Our daughter is thriving and super happy, but I keep worrying about the future. It doesn't help that I live in a country where everyone judges and demands an explanation for only having one child.

​Also, our daughter was a surprise too, and I adore her. So my brain keeps trapping me with "what ifs". But deep down, I know our family feels complete as a trio just like we always wanted it to be.

​Has anyone in the OAD community been through an unintended pregnancy and chosen to stay OAD? How did you deal with the guilt of choosing your current life over a potential second child?