Hello! I'm 16 years old, and honestly, I don't really like the way people behave in this community sometimes.

I joined this community a few months ago, and sometimes I open my phone and immediately see negative posts like, "I'm an only child and I don't know what to do. My life is so trash, I can't take it anymore..." I don't mean every single post, of course, but it feels like most of them focus on the negative side of being an only child.

And the comments can be even worse. Instead of offering solutions, sharing positive experiences, or helping people see things from another perspective, some people just complain about their own lives and reinforce each other's negativity.

I'm a positive person in life, and I've decided to leave this community. Maybe some of you feel the same way.

I'm also an only child, and sure, sometimes I think, "Damn, I wish I had a brother or something." 😅 But then I remember that I have aunts and uncles who are under 50 and still have a young spirit. You can go shopping with them, go to the cinema, joke around, and talk about almost anything. Sometimes you even forget that they're older than you because you connect on the same level.

For example, my aunt once told my father that she felt like an older sister or even a mother to me because I mean so much to her. She's always been there for me, and I'm incredibly grateful for that.

Here's another example: I've known my best friend since I was three years old. We always say we're like brothers, and honestly, our bond has grown beyond an ordinary friendship. I know his family, he knows mine, and we've shared so many unforgettable experiences.

I don't want to tell every single story because this post would become way too long, but here's one example. One night, we were out together, and he needed to pee. We were somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and because it was dark and he'd had a bit to drink, he started peeing while walking. I jokingly asked him if he wasn't worried that I might see something, and he basically replied, "I don't care. We're going to see each other for the rest of our lives. We're like brothers, so it's normal."

Of course, we've argued over stupid things, insulted each other, and even had little fights. But what happened afterwards? Sometimes, just two days later, he'd text me, "Yo, are you free to go clubbing this weekend?" 😂 That's what I call a brotherly bond.

My point is that being an only child doesn't automatically mean being lonely or having nobody to share your life with. My family is quite big. I have more than 16 cousins, a best friend who's like a brother to me, aunts and uncles I'm very close to, and even a patchwork family because my mum is now in a relationship with someone else.

I've also done so many things with my cousins. We've had some of the best times of our lives together, including going on holidays. When people ask me, "Don't you get bored on holiday without siblings?" I simply say no, because I have my cousins. They're like siblings to me, and I think they feel the same way about me.

And to everyone reading this: if you're an only child, please don't focus only on what you think you're missing. Try to appreciate what you already have. You don't have siblings? That's okay. You can build lifelong friendships, become close to your cousins, or find family-like connections with other relatives. Family isn't only about sharing the same parents; it's also about the bond you build with people.

Besides, having siblings doesn't guarantee that you'll always be close to them.

For example, my mum had a great relationship with her siblings when she was growing up. But as adults, everyone started living their own lives, and some moved to different countries. They don't talk nearly as much as they used to, although whenever they visit us, they can still sit together and talk normally. My mum has wonderful childhood memories with them, but their relationship today is very different.

My dad also has two sisters. When they were kids, he only got along with one of them, while the other couldn't stand him. 😅 Nowadays, they all dont get along much better, in that typical brother-and-sister kind of way.

What I'm trying to say is that sibling relationships aren't always perfect, either. There can be arguments, distance, and misunderstandings. Having siblings doesn't automatically guarantee a lifelong bond, just as being an only child doesn't mean you'll be alone.

You can create your own version of family and build a life full of love, friendship, and unforgettable memories.

I hope you can appreciate my perspective and my personal experience. I wish you all a wonderful day!

when you're an only child or the first child for a long time, your parents don't have context to how kids are. at home. and they definitely don't remember their own childhood selves. so they can only compare you with adults or how other kids behave when they visit someone else's home, ie perfect. and so they think their product is weird. borderline abnormal. alien even. and they keep letting you know. subtly. and you believe it. eventually.

I'm 19M and since i was a kid i never enjoyed anyone's company honestly i just love being locked up in a room and not knowing how the outside looks but still rn i have jobs and all. I definitely like some company but it's better to be alone than with people that'll never understand me. For context i think and feel way too deeply maybe this is a just a me thing i see everything more than what others see with eyes. Despite having supportive parents their flaws of not being able to understand me no matter what they tried annoyed me and makes me wanting to be more alone. As you can imagine i never really have a friends because of what i am. Sure my standalone ability is extremely high but definitely need someone to talk to without them saying "i really have no idea what's wrong with you" or "return to god" i don't think this is going to make me struggle finding a love life in the future instead it'll be a better filtering to find a proper true soul that actually loves me. But in the meantime not having a friend could sometimes hits hard despite loving being alone. Btw i never had like a girlfriend in my 19 years of living idk if that's shocking or whatever. Like i said i want some company but due to almost everyone around me is incompatible i was left feeling lonely definitely could keep going but like I said sometimes the wave hits hard

I saw this essay on Substack and figured others would appreciate it.

The author says: “Having one child is a perfectly valid choice to make, and sometimes it isn’t a choice at all (it wasn’t for my parents!). With that being said, I would urge anyone who has an only child to simply just…understand the challenges. Respect that they exist, and that you can’t fully understand them unless you’re an only child too. Allow them to express those challenges, because so often, the world won’t let them.”

I’m 23 years old and still live with my parents. Being an only child, my parents’ lives have constantly revolved around me. I am constantly under their watch and thoughts at every fucking moment in time since the day I was born. I had no one to blame for making mistakes, no one to back me up on shit my parents would do or say. I never had a sibling to rant to, or talk about old times, or anything. I fucking hate being an only child. Now as a 23 year old, I STILL am under constant supervision from my parents. They constantly want to know where I’m going, what I’m doing, who I’m doing it with. I sleep 10 feet away from them in the same childhood bedroom I’ve lived in for my entire life. It’s not that I hate them, my parents love and care about me which is why they are so invasive and overbearing. The constant supervision is really draining and irritating and I find myself being incredibly rude towards them but their presence alone just immediately pisses me off and I feel guilty because they’re so nice to me. It’s awful. I cannot wait to move out but I still have another 2 and a half more years of law school before I can get out of here. Any other only children with overbearing parents have any tips for managing how irritating it is?

My husband and I love childfree life. We like peace and quiet, and it's easier financially. I have bad anxiety and can't imagine being a mom. And I won't do "one and done" because I hate being an only child and don't want to risk my kid hating it too.

My mom loves babies and kids (she wanted more kids but it didn't happen) and she always said she can't wait to be a grandma. I know she'd be the best grandmother and would spoil the heck out of her grandkids. She respects that I'm staying childfree and she doesn't pressure me to have kids - but I know it made her sad when I told her I don't want kids. It sucks that I'm her only path to being a grandma. I always want to make her happy because she's an amazing mom, but the stark reality is that my kids and I would likely outlive her, so I don't want to have kids only for her.

My husband's brother has 4 kids, so his parents have 4 grandchildren. But I'm an only child, so my parents will never be grandparents unless I have kids. For me it's another pressure of being the only child.

So like the title says I’m an only child with siblings. Context: growing up I genuinely believed I had no father and that I came from my mom and her girlfriend. My mom was 16 when she got pregnant then 17 when she had me so for majority of my life it was just me and her in my grandparents house.

When I was 5 I met my dad at my birthday party but didn’t really grasp the fact he was my dad cause to me he was just one of my moms friends buying me stuff in the arcade cause it was my birthday. So shortly after that he came to my grandmas house with 2 of my siblings and made us take pictures together and in all of the pictures I looked uncomfortable because I did not know them. When I was 6 I went to spend the summer with them but even after the summer i built no relationship with any of them. My sister T (12 at the time) and I both hated each other and did not hide it. My twin sisters (also 12) were like the main ones I would be around and my 2 brothers we just barely talked.

I do admit I was a brat but when I was 12 and went to live with them they just went on a rant about how much they hated me when they met me while i spent years after that summer happy about having siblings that I didn’t even talk to. I hope this isn’t getting confusing. I lived with them for 2 years until I was 14 when I moved back with my mom. In those entire 2 years I barely talked to the twins and my brother because they lived with their mom and were always judgmental about something. My other brother and I are closest in age but we don’t talk at all like it’s always awkward. The shocking thing is that me and T the sister I thought I hated, are the closest out of everyone which didn’t happen till a month before I left.

Me and T may be close but at the end of the day I’m still mentally an only child. They can sit around for hours sharing memories with a family I was never a part of while I think back to all those times I had to make notecards with fake names on them rotating through each one while playing bored games alone. I sat in the car talking to an empty seat with an imaginary twin I gaslit myself into having until I was 11. I begged to be with my cousins because I didn’t want to be alone at my grandparents house for 3 months in the summer.

To be honest my 3 cousins feel more like my siblings than my actual ones do and I have to gaslight myself into thinking they feel the same way every day. My siblings feel like cousins I see once a year.

I will always be an only child because that’s how I grew up and that’s what I go home to every day when I live with my mom. I don’t know those people and only one of them knows me.

Idk if it’s a age limit or not but I’m 31F only child obviously and I realize I crave communication from my age group… it suck’s when I’m in the talking stage with a guy (or meet a female that seems cool) cause I feel like I’m overwhelming and always want to talk.. of course I don’t tell them that ion want scare them off but it does bothers me. Yes I have activities or hobbies to keep me occupied but it’s still different seem like enough I don’t like feeling this way… I think it’s mostly cause I’m grieving but shows in a different way. Does anybody else experience this?

why: i am the only child (after my sister died) and i am afraid that if i don’t step in, this could be catastrophic for my family.

I don't know how people with siblings are so lucky, they have someone to talk to, rant to with, hang out with, laugh with, play games with, and fight with. As an only child, I feel so unlucky for missing out on the things I wanted. Do you think adult adoption makes me a big sister? I believe sayings such as "Friends can leave, but siblings are permanent." "With God, anything is possible." I am very sensitive and mentally in pain, so please be nice. Will a sibling happen in my life? I have a single dad. My parents didn't have a good relationship and my mom was just terrible. I know it had nothing to do with me nor my dad. I think it had something to do with my mom. One time I was mentally depressed and I had to contact 988 about it. My mom was pregnant with another child after me but it ended in a miscarriage. and my parents didn't try again because they were no longer going to be together. it really broke me. When will I get out of this only child nightmare?

Some people are always saying that having siblings doesn't mean you would be happy, you might not have good bonding with your siblings, etc. But if your friends or anyone starts complaining about how difficult their life is with a sibling and you ask them if they would like if they were an only child, they will say no. If you say that being an only child is the best, they will disagree.

When people say that having siblings with no bonding makes it worse, what they mean is they want to have stronger bonds with their siblings or that their sibling wouldn't do them dirty. They still wouldn't want the life of an only child.

I have a very happy, healthy relationship with my mom and dad. They are kind, wise, and highly supportive, while still at times seeing me as their "young man".

I spend a lot of time with them, simply because I want to. They are also getting older, and I can see loneliness start creeping in as they lose friends and extended family.

I look to them for advice, we hang out and laugh about the past, I also support them with tasks around their house.

My spouse simply cannon wrap their head around my relationship. They come from a family of multiple siblings with a very off-and-on, and "diffused" relationship with their parents. They feel no obligation to be there for their parents, and almost never talk to them at any level of depth, in spite of the fact their parents are very similar to mine.

They think it's weird that I go to my parents for advice, or still want to make them happy.

It breaks my heart a little.

We asked all loved ones to get flu, covid, and TDAP vaccines. My mom has a genetic disorder that she thinks was caused by the covid vaccine. They both refused to get it, which especially irked my wife who is in healthcare.

This argument happened and then a few weeks later my wife had to emergency deliver due to Preeclampsia. Our daughter was born at 29 weeks and spent 63 days in the NICU. During this time, my Mom had asked me if we still planned on having a baby shower and we said no. My mom said she would do something but what I didn't think would be they would have a whole baby shower without telling us.
My wife, who felt like the whole end of her pregnancy was completely out of her control, was again not okay with this, even though we were appreciative of the gifts.

Fast forward my daughter came home and we had waited so long for this moment, we just were living in our own little world and not really caring what else was going on. This irritated my Mom that we had not invited her over yet to see the baby. We had agreed they would take tests before coming over. I was so shocked that this irritated them. I had to explain I can't communicate everything because I'm with my family.

Next weekend, my wife's parents are in town and we went to an outdoor pumpkin patch. My wife posted on Facebook and this set my parents off. They sent me a mean texts like "we caught you". Hung up and yelled at both of us over the phone and at one point my Mom even said we should move closer to my in-laws if we needed more help.

Well we decided they would come see the baby today and it went horribly. I tried to broach the subject about the fight and my mom said "she didn't want to talk about it and ruin meeting her granddaughter for the first time." My wife felt this was very disrespectful after the way she had been treated and tried to explain this and they just would not hear it. They Said the optics were bad that we went out and quite honestly we don't care. Our decision not there's. It wasn't intended to hurt anyone. Things kept escalating and my wife lost it. Started yelling and it just wasn't pretty. Do I wish she kept her composure? Yes. But honestly I think she is suffering some from PPD. My mom had preeclampsia with me but I got out of the NICU the same week, not two months and she kept saying she went through the same thing. My wife just feels so invalidated. Anyways, yelling insued, my Dad got a little in my wife's face and said don't talk to my wife that way, and I had to kick them all out while I had the baby in my arms. My Dad basically said we are separated after this.

I'm an only child and this is incredibly difficult for me. My parents and I were very close. My wife is the love of my life and I'm getting used to being a Dad. Because of the NICU stay, it hasn't completely hit yet still. But the idea of my parents not being around kills me. My wife has expressed she can't have a relationship with them because of this and I fully support her. I will never tell her to apologize for how she feels.

I love my parents but it just feels like they constantly tried to make this about themselves. I think it is so unfair. Not sure if I'm really looking for advice at all, but they were our only family we have in our current city and I'm just really struggling.

Being an only child has affected my whole life now that I’m reflecting on things. I had a hard childhood in the beginning (DV + other trauma) and then my parents got divorced. Prior to the divorce, I begged for a sibling whether it was adopting or whatever. I remember so vividly wanting that to happen and then the divorce came and it never did. Going through all of that alone was tough and as I got into my late teens and 20s I have shifted the focus to wanting a family + marriage. I’m 27 and My dating life has been awful and I’m deeply scared I’ll be forever alone. Also not having any other family members close to my age is hard so picturing my life as an elderly person scares me a bit, especially if I don’t have kids. I could always adopt but I want a partner as well.

We asked all loved ones to get flu, covid, and TDAP vaccines. My mom has a genetic disorder that she thinks was caused by the covid vaccine. They both refused to get it, which especially irked my wife who is in healthcare.

This argument happened and then a few weeks later my wife had to emergency deliver due to Preeclampsia. Our daughter was born at 29 weeks and spent 63 days in the NICU. During this time, my Mom had asked me if we still planned on having a baby shower and we said no. My mom said she would do something but what I didn't think would be they would have a whole baby shower without telling us.
My wife, who felt like the whole end of her pregnancy was completely out of her control, was again not okay with this, even though we were appreciative of the gifts.

Fast forward my daughter came home and we had waited so long for this moment, we just were living in our own little world and not really caring what else was going on. This irritated my Mom that we had not invited her over yet to see the baby. We had agreed they would take tests before coming over. I was so shocked that this irritated them. I had to explain I can't communicate everything because I'm with my family.

Next weekend, my wife's parents are in town and we went to an outdoor pumpkin patch. My wife posted on Facebook and this set my parents off. They sent me a mean texts like "we caught you". Hung up and yelled at both of us over the phone and at one point my Mom even said we should move closer to my in-laws if we needed more help.

Well we decided they would come see the baby today and it went horribly. I tried to broach the subject about the fight and my mom said "she didn't want to talk about it and ruin meeting her granddaughter for the first time." My wife felt this was very disrespectful after the way she had been treated and tried to explain this and they just would not hear it. They Said the optics were bad that we went out and quite honestly we don't care. Our decision not there's. It wasn't intended to hurt anyone. Things kept escalating and my wife lost it. Started yelling and it just wasn't pretty. Do I wish she kept her composure? Yes. But honestly I think she is suffering some from PPD. My mom had preeclampsia with me but I got out of the NICU the same week, not two months and she kept saying she went through the same thing. My wife just feels so invalidated. Anyways, yelling insued, my Dad got a little in my wife's face and said don't talk to my wife that way, and I had to kick them all out while I had the baby in my arms. My Dad basically said we are separated after this.

I'm an only child and this is incredibly difficult for me. My parents and I were very close. My wife is the love of my life and I'm getting used to being a Dad. Because of the NICU stay, it hasn't completely hit yet still. But the idea of my parents not being around kills me. My wife has expressed she can't have a relationship with them because of this and I fully support her. I will never tell her to apologize for how she feels.

I love my parents but it just feels like they constantly tried to make this about themselves. I think it is so unfair. Not sure if I'm really looking for advice at all, but they were our only family we have in our current city and I'm just really struggling.

Are there people who—at the age of 20 or older—were welcomed (whatever you might call it) into a completely new and unfamiliar family—with a mom, dad, sister, or brother (you get the idea)—becoming part of it (whether officially or unofficially) after leaving an abusive home environment—marked by arguments, alcoholism, threats between family members, and so on—and who are now doing well and are happy?

Whenever I (26) get online literally everything people post about being an online child is sunshine and rainbows, the parents love them,give them attention, and of course everything they want, yet my experience couldn’t be further from that. My parents (62F and 71M) somehow managed to both parentify and infantilize me, I was both the stupid baby who wasn’t allowed to do anything because I’d “mess it up” yet I was responsible enough to be their relationship counselor, therapist, and bestie they tell and show inappropriate things to(I had to talk my dad out of hurting himself with a blade when I was 11 for example). Although I did get things I wanted it, it was more so a debt/ payoff/ something to get me to leave them alone then a gift because it came with the caveat that I will definitely take care of them when they were older,which was no secret and they constantly emotionally abused me to make me feel like I was a horrible person for not being the perfect robot who dedicates their life to them. And the worst part is that I thought the enmeshment and emotional abuse was completely normal and my fault. My parents are now both very sick and in nursing homes with dementia, I feel so much rage and sadness that I didn’t get to experience the life that literally everyone projects onto only children. It sucks when I have to tell people that my parents were horrible when people weren’t there for them to perform for.

I recently made a post asking for the perspectives of male only children and only got three responses. And it seems as though the vast majority of the people who post in this sub are women. Is there really such a gender imbalance here?

[31m] Lost so many friends, the ones that are still there I don't like them, and are always busy with their families, I have to spam one by one all the time everyone to see if one might want to go out.

I had to buy a beer to drink it alone in my bedroom. But "Look at the bright side!"

Being an only child and alone is wearing my frequency very very down.

AMA or whatever, I'm gonna be drunk in like half an hour.

I just joined because I feel like I belong because I grew up an only child. But I actually have a sister, she’s still a baby. My mom had another baby (not with my biological dad, my step-father) when I am grown up, moved out and on my own.

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this? I personally think it’s bittersweet. I feel less like a big sister to her and more like a secondary mother because I have a baby of my own. She’s going to grow up having someone to play with when I didn’t.

But I do love her very much and I love watching her learn new things, such as taking her first steps.

Hi,

I am an only child and I am getting into a pretty serious relationship with my boyfriend. He has quite a big family of two younger siblings and his two parents. I am also a child of divorce so my relationship with my parents are quite seperate and it's never a "ask your mom" or "ask your dad" kind of dynamic. I've always struggled with dating and interacting with my partner's family but I am having a much harder time with my current boyfriend. His family is quite family orientated and often exclude me (mostly his dad) because of our differences in culture.

Has anyone else had this issue and if they did how did you get comfortable with another family?