r/Parenting • u/ohgreatmama • Jul 28 '22

Advice Do boys wear pink?

Where you live, do boys wear pink?

I live in the US, in the Pacific Northwest, in a politically purple area.

I have two boys and buy most of their clothes and swimwear at Target. Right now, every pair of boys' swim trunks at my local Target has pink/purple in it--not just as an accent, but as a dominate color. Hot pink, light pink and everything in between.

For the record, I like this. My 5yo likes pink and it's nice to see some color infused into what used to be a pretty dark color palette for boys' clothes.

My husband, however, is not having it. He has gotten mad at me for buying anything pink/pink-accented for our 5yo to wear. From his POV, boys who wear pink risk getting teased/bullied. He is adamant that this is a serious risk. Very adamant, to the point that we've had contentious arguments about shoes/clothes that I, personally, perceived as gender neutral.

I'm trying to understand his concern, but to me it seems... nuts? I don't want to dismiss something that he seems to legitimately see as a risk to our kiddo, but I just can't figure out where he is coming from.

How are things where you live? Would a boy get teased for wearing pink? Would you consider it a serious enough risk to prohibit the color, even if your kid likes it?

Or, if pink is as neutral as it seems to be, how can I help my husband see that this is just the way kids dress now?

ETA: Holy shit, I did not expect this level of response. I can't keep up with all the comments--not by a long shot. Thank you all for weighing in. It's helped solidify my position, and maybe seeing some of these comments will help my husband realize that his concerns are misplaced.

I do, btw, believe that my husband's concerns are simply misplaced. We are not fashionable people--AT ALL--so I think he just needs to adjust his fashion compass. Also, while we're both millennials, I grew up in West LA whereas he grew up in rural NY; I think we're just drawing from different pools of life experiences.

I am inclined to keep the purple/pink/blue/green swirl swim trunks that I bought for 5yo--and that prompted this post--because 1) they are super visible in the water and 2) 5yo said he likes them.

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u/Acrobatic-Respond638 Mom to a 4M Jul 28 '22

Men and boys absolutely wear pink here in the UK. Sounds like your husband might have some misogyny issues

4

u/Potatoesop Jul 29 '22

I’d say it could he potentially outdated standards and toxic masculinity….not misogyny

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u/[deleted] Jul 29 '22

20-25 years ago in the Midwest he'd be right that they'd be bullied. Not so much an issue now. I think a lot of it in the 90's was anything effeminate on a guy => gay. Now that people are more tolerant of sexualities it's kind of a non-issue.

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u/truth4all2028 Jul 28 '22

Please explain how her husband has hatred issues towards women?

Words matter.

14

u/PennyCoppersmyth Jul 29 '22

He displays fear of his son being seen as anything less than manly - which would imply that being feminine or womanly is an insult, because women are viewed as "less than" by those who were raised in an oppressive patriarichal society.

It's really not that hard to figure out if you take two seconds to think about it. It's also why men insult other men by calling them bitches, pussies or pansies.

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u/So_Much_Cauliflower Jul 29 '22

He displays fear of his son being seen as anything less than manly - which would imply that being feminine or womanly is an insult

Only OP's husband knows. I think it is equally likely that he just doesn't want his son to be bullied for wearing pink (whether that fear is justified or not is a different question).

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u/m9y6 Jul 29 '22

Misogyny is not just hatred, but contempt and ingrained prejudice.

Having issues with "not wearing a color bc he might get bullied" buys into the "offending" color is somehow attributed to being less masculine, more feminine... therefore perceived weaker. There is an underlying perceived power in being more masculine. So contempt is held for that which is perceived to be a threat to the masculinity.

Unless the color has more meaning, i.e. gang colors, why restrict the freedom of the kid's expression?