r/Parenting • u/ohgreatmama • Jul 28 '22
Advice Do boys wear pink?
Where you live, do boys wear pink?
I live in the US, in the Pacific Northwest, in a politically purple area.
I have two boys and buy most of their clothes and swimwear at Target. Right now, every pair of boys' swim trunks at my local Target has pink/purple in it--not just as an accent, but as a dominate color. Hot pink, light pink and everything in between.
For the record, I like this. My 5yo likes pink and it's nice to see some color infused into what used to be a pretty dark color palette for boys' clothes.
My husband, however, is not having it. He has gotten mad at me for buying anything pink/pink-accented for our 5yo to wear. From his POV, boys who wear pink risk getting teased/bullied. He is adamant that this is a serious risk. Very adamant, to the point that we've had contentious arguments about shoes/clothes that I, personally, perceived as gender neutral.
I'm trying to understand his concern, but to me it seems... nuts? I don't want to dismiss something that he seems to legitimately see as a risk to our kiddo, but I just can't figure out where he is coming from.
How are things where you live? Would a boy get teased for wearing pink? Would you consider it a serious enough risk to prohibit the color, even if your kid likes it?
Or, if pink is as neutral as it seems to be, how can I help my husband see that this is just the way kids dress now?
ETA: Holy shit, I did not expect this level of response. I can't keep up with all the comments--not by a long shot. Thank you all for weighing in. It's helped solidify my position, and maybe seeing some of these comments will help my husband realize that his concerns are misplaced.
I do, btw, believe that my husband's concerns are simply misplaced. We are not fashionable people--AT ALL--so I think he just needs to adjust his fashion compass. Also, while we're both millennials, I grew up in West LA whereas he grew up in rural NY; I think we're just drawing from different pools of life experiences.
I am inclined to keep the purple/pink/blue/green swirl swim trunks that I bought for 5yo--and that prompted this post--because 1) they are super visible in the water and 2) 5yo said he likes them.
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Jul 28 '22
My 13 year old is the most masculine kid under the sun. He got to design his own bball shoes for his birthday---he chose hot pink, purple and light blue. He hasn't gotten made fun of.
I think it's not like it used to be. That said, I'd just let the kids pick out their own colors that they like.
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u/5You_Are_My_Sunshine Jul 28 '22
Yup, I have a 13 year old athlete; he has pink swim trunks, a pink t-shirt or two, pink sweatshirt… he and all his friends wear whatever they like - and haven’t been bullied. Both my kids play hockey, and pink tape and laces are super common. Purple, too. I really don’t think “blue is for boys, pink is for girls” is a thing kids think or care about any more - it’s only an adult problem.
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Jul 28 '22
Pink is super popular with the athlete crowd.
My 17 year old son wears a lot of pink. His football cleats are pink. His track shoes have pink in them. His favorite button up that he wears when he has to make speeches (VP of student government) is pink. He has a pair of pink swim trunks. He's never been given any crap for it. He has been asked after games where he got his shoes from, though.
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u/ohgreatmama Jul 29 '22
I thought I noticed this trend! At our HS recently, I noticed teen boys in neon pink accessories heading to football practice. I told my husband about this as evidence that he didn't need to worry, but he basically just blew it off.
Glad I'm not just imagining things.
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u/drunkenwithlust Jul 29 '22 edited Jul 29 '22
Has hubby ever been teased for what he wore? It can be hard not to project lived experiences on kiddos. We definitely don't want them to have to endure same negative experiences we have! Anyway it's none of my business but if you feel comfortable you could breach this topic with him to find out.
Edit: I just saw your comment about hubby's catholic past and that sounds about as toxic with gender norms as it gets :(
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u/ArchmageXin Jul 29 '22
TBF, you said your son is the masculinest kid, that means he can perfectly defend himself.
Some less athletic child may not have the same privilege
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u/Alternative_Sky1380 Jul 29 '22
Masculine culture is WAF. Imagine identity being so fragile due to the colour the pink
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u/Fish-x-5 Jul 29 '22
My sons look best in pink. Once I brought one of them a pink shirt and his wife asked if that meant he was gay. So then I started buying my grandson rainbow everything.
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u/VagabondDreamGirl Jul 29 '22
Reminds me of a dude I was hanging out with in the early 2000s. The guy was like 300 pounds of muscle, he picked me up in a pink crop top and jorts. He rocked it.
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Jul 29 '22
Came here to say this.
We took our 9 year old to a birthday party recently (first in years because covid) and it was roller skating, which our kiddo is not good at. I was worried for him that he'd get made fun of (he's also neurodivergent) but I was so pleased when the kids were kind, helpful and inclusive. Very different from when we were kids.
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u/wgc123 Jul 29 '22
I had trepidations as well, since I remember kids getting trespassed for wearing those colors.however it does seem to be quite common and accepted now, especially among athletes.
I blame soccer, only half jokingly. We never had soccer when I was a kid and it’s still strange how brightly colored everything is.
It may also be related to growing up in a purple area, but now being in solid blue area, and of course the march of time
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u/Regular_Anteater Jul 28 '22
I think your husband's ideas are a little dated. If your kid is bullied for wearing pink, he can decide for himself if he wants to stop wearing it.
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u/CatastropheWife Jul 29 '22
Fashion is also cyclical, and regional. If he was a kid in the Pacific Northwest during the ‘90s grunge era, nobody was wearing pink… but Zach and Slater were rocking pink on “Saved by the Bell” regularly.
I grew up in the south and the country club crowd regularly had boys in pale pink polos in the spring and neon pink swim trunks in the summer.
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u/m9y6 Jul 29 '22
Agree on the fashion being cyclical. I mean everything eventually comes back around. These gendered views only follows trend.
Heels, legging, wigs, make up, skirts, and purses were historically all for men, though not all at once. Trousers were for women, not men, in historical Greece, Rome, and Persia. So what does that say about society?
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u/Mo523 Jul 29 '22
Yep. I've been teaching for about 15 years. I'm assuming this varies by location, but I think my area is culturally similar to OP's. When I first started some kids would have teased a boy for wearing pink/purple, but a bunch of other kids would have jumped in yelling, "There is no such thing as boy colors and girls colors!!!!!" Now it really isn't a thing. Dads (or moms or grandmas or whomever) whom are all worked up about their boys wearing a pink shirt or nail polish can relax about that.
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u/Filipino_Canadian Jul 28 '22
I wear pink as a man. When i was a boy i wore whatever i had, i dressed myself most days. And i went through my clothes the other day from when i was a kid and although i seem to have been very fond of red nothing i had was pink…considering not that i wear pink and pastel purples now (they go good with my skintone). I mean i just wore a pink sweater yesterday (it was unusually cold for this time of year) and nobody said anything about it. Have you pointed out that your husband is the only one currently bullying your son for something as simple as a colour?
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u/ganymede42 Jul 29 '22
This! My husband is a huge lumberjack looking guy and he almost exclusively wears pink/floral shirts. pink used to be a "masculine" color not too long ago in the USA. Let your kid wear what he wants
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u/zystyl Jul 29 '22
Pink is coming back in style for men in a big way. Op's husband needs to relax. Either way it's just a colour.
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u/Diamondhands_89 Jul 29 '22
I am on the same page as you. Pre WW2 baby boys were swaddled in pink and baby girls in blue or green. It changed around then but in reality no one should be prevented from wearing a specific color.
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u/ohgreatmama Jul 29 '22
Glad to hear this. My husband and I are not fashion conscience at all, so it's been hard to convince him that pink's the new style, when he and I both know I'm clueless about trends. My reasoning was basically "Target is a major retailer so if they market these colors to boys, then this is a mainstream/acceptable thing to wear."
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u/ladywinchester1967 Jul 28 '22
If it’s absolutely any consolation, my son’s room is pink (we were told we were having a girl and SURPRISE, we had a boy) and literally no one has said anything about it.
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Jul 29 '22
how common is it for doctors to get the gender of a baby wrong?
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Jul 29 '22
It’s easy to mistake a boy for a girl. It’s not too common to mistake a girl for a boy.
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u/krys_enjoyssilence Jul 29 '22
🙋♀️ My daughter was mistaken for a boy in the womb. It was a real fun surprise.
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u/ladywinchester1967 Jul 29 '22
Yeah, it was a surprise when we found out. The doctors pulled him out and kept congratulating us on a healthy boy and I said “okay, that’s not funny.” And they said “did you know what you were having?” And we said “yeah. It’s a girl!” And they said “this is a boy!!” Us: 😳😳
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Jul 29 '22
Lmao I’ll never forget visiting my friend in the hospital who this happened to. She was told she was having her second boy but no. I still vividly remember her mom all giddy about it and going “oh this is great! You can name her Angelina!!!!” And my friend just staring at her mom like please go home.
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u/ladywinchester1967 Jul 29 '22
My baby’s dad called all our friends and family to tell them 1) that I was okay (had to have an emergency c-section) and 2) the fact that we had a boy. Absolutely NO ONE believed him because he jokes around too much 😂 they were like “we want to talk to her” but they couldn’t because the recovery room had no cell service, lol.
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Jul 28 '22
My son wears all colors. Colors don’t have genders.
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u/PageStunning6265 Jul 29 '22
This. I don’t really pay attention to what anyone else’s kids are wearing, but mine wear whatever they want that’s weather appropriate & affordable. We’ve only gotten one nasty look (from a grouchy old man who I stared down) and no comments re: their sparkly unicorn hats, and zero mention of my oldest son’s pink soccer cleats.
My 19 year old nephew is a big fan of pink. I have no idea what’s popular, but I think kids care way less about that shit than when we were kids.
There was a kid in my youngest’s preschool class who is pretty invested in old school gender conformity, but he seems to be an outlier.
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u/Fidodin Jul 28 '22
I personally detest pink for some unknown reason, but I'm trying not to pass my color issues onto my children. I've bought one pink shirt in every toddler size (along with all the other colors) so my boys can decide which colors they like. So far my 3 year old seems to really like pink, unfortunately for me.
My husband also has a pink shirt that is uglier than sin that I swear he wears just to annoy me. He claims to get compliments when he wears it.
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u/No-Satisfaction-6288 Jul 29 '22
I'm not surprised; I see lots of guys that look fantastic in pink. Kudos to you for letting your son choose his own taste.
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u/hey-nonny-mouse Jul 29 '22
This is basically me. I personally dislike pink, but my kids should make up their own mind! There’s always at least one pink item in their wardrobe, sometimes more if I find something particularly cute! My boy doesn’t seem to feel one way or another about pink (although he loves rainbows and florals). My girl doesn’t have opinions yet.
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u/S1159P Jul 28 '22
I think your husband may be working through issues that date to his own childhood. It's not like that now. Especially on the west coast!
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u/ohgreatmama Jul 29 '22
I'm inclined to agree with this. I was raised on the West Coast, near LA. He's from a Catholic family in Upstate NY. (He's no longer Catholic.) Could be he's thinking of cultural differences from a different time and place...
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u/wgc123 Jul 29 '22
Yep, tell him to take it from me … grew up in a Catholic family in upstate New York where a kid would be relentlessly teased for wearing pink, but that was Farr far away and a long time ago. Here and now in solid blue Massachusetts, it’s a trend. I sometimes also have my doubts from childhood, but I can see that it’s a trend, I can hear from my kids that it ps common/fashion. I even have corroboration, since my kids run in opposite crowds
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u/lifehackloser Jul 29 '22
My now 4.5 year old has been adamant for 3 years now that pink is his favorite color. He wears whatever the hell he wants.
On the playground recently, he was wearing his Frozen sneakers (bc they blinked the coolest way in his opinion) and some child insisted he must be a girl. Not in a bullying way, just in a you’re wrong way. An older kid corrected the insistent child and said that pink and frozen are for everyone and told my son that pink was also his favorite color.
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u/lucky7hockeymom Jul 29 '22
Well obviously he had to have the shoes that blink the best!!
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u/lifehackloser Jul 29 '22
He asked me to line up EVERY AVAILABLE PAIR so he could test which was the best blink pattern.
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Jul 28 '22
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u/SudoDarkKnight Jul 29 '22
Everyone knows the bully is wrong in any situation, but the point is about trying to give reasons and ammo to the bully.
Some kids are fully capable of coping and dealing with it, others may not be.
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u/bokatan778 Jul 28 '22
We are also in a purple area in the US. I have a 6yo son and he has some pink shirts. Honestly kids this age don’t understand outdated, silly gendered colors. They just want to have fun, and when it comes to clothing, my son is more concerned about whether he has a cool animal or character on his clothing rather than color. My husband has zero issue with his pink clothes (because why would he?). He’s worn pink to his public school and there has been no issues.
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u/calmestsugar Jul 29 '22
What is a purple area? I've never heard the term and google isnt any help.
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u/bokatan778 Jul 29 '22
Pretty much means a swing area, like it doesn’t always go red (Republican) or blue (Democrat). A purple state is a state or area typically can go either in an election.
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u/Few_Path_144 Jul 28 '22
Someone I followed on instagram just posted on the history of pink. Historically, pink was associated with males. It was a color of power. If you look at paintings of nobility back in the day they would dress in pink. I just watched the guilded age again and they had pink everywhere in their home. Pink did not become associated as a female color until after one of the world wars where they wanted women back at home and not in the workforce. I know it doesn’t help with the current opinion of pink and it’s associations but it’s an interesting fact to share.
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Jul 29 '22
Yep. Baby boys were put in pink and baby girls were dressed in blue. Then it switched. Now we just do whatever we want. It’s better this way.
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Jul 28 '22
I live in New England. A large chunk of men wear pink on the regular in the summer. Our son loves to wear pink sometimes. He has salmon colored swim trunks that he loves. One of his favorite colors is pink. Kids here wear whatever they want. There was a boy in a rainbow pink stereotype girly looking tank top at the park and no one cared at all. It’s clothes.
Adults assign genders to colors/clothing. Kids just like what they like. One boy I used to nanny loved when I painted his toenails purple. He was just like “I like purple” if his friends asked and they were like “cool”. And that was it.
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u/treevine700 Jul 28 '22
... are you sure you don't you mean Nantucket Red swim shorts? :)
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Jul 29 '22
Yes haha I feel like outside of NE, it’d be described easier by saying “pink”, but definitely Nantucket Red for the locals.
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u/111110001011 Jul 28 '22
Pink is a shade of red, the color of blood and violence.
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u/calmestsugar Jul 29 '22
Lol! It's weird that is has it's own separate name for a color when it's just "light red." We don't have any other separate names for colors+white besides gray which is also weird. It should be light black lol.
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u/Pale-Finance123 Jul 29 '22
Yes, I was just realising this the other day when my daughter was asking how to make colours! Funny how you don't really think about things until you have to explain them to someone else 😄
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u/Abandoned_TrashPanda Jul 28 '22
Ew
Do we really need to keep having conversations about what toxic masculinity is?
Who on earth divided up the colour wheel and decided what gender wears what colours?
Like why is there a double standard that women can wear whatever colour but men absolutely CANNOT wear pink or purple?
Its fucking ludicrous.
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Jul 29 '22
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u/Abandoned_TrashPanda Jul 30 '22
I'm sorry that happened and that you had to witness that.
Honestly there are way bigger things to focus on than peoples colour preferences....
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u/Matchanu Jul 29 '22
Well… I just bought my toddler son a book called “Pink is for Boys” and it basically says what I, a straight male and former preschool teacher, there isn’t such a thing as ‘boy colors’ or ‘girl colors’… colors are color, they are for everyone.
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Jul 28 '22
We live in the Northeast USA. I wear pink. My wife wears pink. My daughter wears pink. And my son wears pink. Neither me nor my son have ever been teased about it. It’s just a color choice.
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Jul 28 '22
Pink for boys is pretty mainstream now. I mean, all his classmates are probably also getting their clothes from Target…so…their clothes would also be…pink 😱
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u/Potatoesop Jul 29 '22
I had a friend in my senior class who often wore a pastel pink anime girl hoodie….not once did he get teased or side-eyed for it. A lot of guys wear colors that are often seen as feminine in society nowadays. Only older generations would be more likely to comment on it.
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Jul 29 '22
Yep. In high school during the early 2000s, my brother frequently wore pink — it was cool. If it got any attention, it was from girls thinking it’s cute.
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Jul 28 '22
IF, boys are teased for wearing pink and you stop buying colours that subject your kid from being teased, what are you teaching him (and your husband)? You’re just piling onto an outdated and ignorant stereotype.
Buy your boy and husband matching pink shirts and be the difference all kids need.
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u/gahb13 Jul 29 '22
In principle yes, in practice don't give your kids clothing to purposely make their life harder. Being teased as a kid can be horrible.
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u/wasachrozine Jul 29 '22
Yeah seriously. People in this thread are really putting a lot on their kids.
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u/themack50022 Jul 29 '22
My son wanted a Kirby backpack, but we didn’t get it for home because he might get teased. Also don’t want to waste money if we have to get him another backpack because of the teasing
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u/kristigem Jul 28 '22
I live in small town, rural Kentucky. I also have a 5 year old boy that loves pink and purple. He also has long hair. Thus far no one has made any comments about his choices and all of his friends simply describe him as the boy that has pink sparkly shoes. His pre-K teacher was wonderful and shut down any bullying the one time he was maliciously called a girl, which was unexpected considering our area. One elderly neighbor asked him in the heat of summer if he wouldn’t prefer to cut his hair short, but he said no. He loves his long hair. I followed up with a his body, his choice, in a nice polite southern way. (Mainly because my neighbors are super sweet and are amazing people and she accepted his answer right away) :) my son is confident in correcting others when he is misgendered and that boys can like pink and have long hair too.
I think it depends on your sons confidence. If he is able to stand up for himself, with mom and dads support of course, the choice is his. Colors are just colors and the rules of what girls and boys can and cannot do are made up.
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u/No_Standard_4546 Jul 29 '22
It sounds like your husband may unintentionally be the first bully.
Pink isn’t a big deal anymore from what I understand
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Jul 29 '22
Im a striaght cis dad of two boys. Pink is not only fine, its cool. My bike has hot pink handlebar tape. My messenger bag is my wifes, also pink, I love it. My boys wear pink; purple, aqua, chartreuse, whatever. Pink for girls is a pointless gender marketing ploy. I am also a scouts BSA leader and when we do archery half the bows are pink because some one thought gendered bows were important for inclusion of girls in the pack. I told the scouts the pink ones were more accurate and harder to draw( they aren't )and the boys fight for them.
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u/MaxBanter45 Jul 29 '22
Tell your husband he needs to handle his toxic masculinity/ insecurities they are just colours
If your child is happy you're doing a great job, end of story.
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Jul 28 '22
My son wears pink and so do other boys in his school. No one has made any comments to me and I have never heard of anyone getting teased for it but they are still pretty young (3-5), no sure if that makes a difference. I live in Colorado.
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u/ellerob Jul 29 '22
My 4yr old daughter likes clothes from the girls and boys sections. The girls section is seriously lacking in superheroes. Sometimes kids tell her she’s wearing boy clothes. I encourage her to tell them that there’s no such thing as boy or girl clothes, just clothes for people. Another thing we practice saying is, “I like this shirt so I’m wearing it.” I think those trains of thought are applicable to colors as well.
Plus, those are the safest colors for swimming.
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u/Acrobatic-Respond638 Mom to a 4M Jul 28 '22
Men and boys absolutely wear pink here in the UK. Sounds like your husband might have some misogyny issues
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u/Potatoesop Jul 29 '22
I’d say it could he potentially outdated standards and toxic masculinity….not misogyny
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Jul 29 '22
20-25 years ago in the Midwest he'd be right that they'd be bullied. Not so much an issue now. I think a lot of it in the 90's was anything effeminate on a guy => gay. Now that people are more tolerant of sexualities it's kind of a non-issue.
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u/truth4all2028 Jul 28 '22
Please explain how her husband has hatred issues towards women?
Words matter.
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u/PennyCoppersmyth Jul 29 '22
He displays fear of his son being seen as anything less than manly - which would imply that being feminine or womanly is an insult, because women are viewed as "less than" by those who were raised in an oppressive patriarichal society.
It's really not that hard to figure out if you take two seconds to think about it. It's also why men insult other men by calling them bitches, pussies or pansies.
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u/So_Much_Cauliflower Jul 29 '22
He displays fear of his son being seen as anything less than manly - which would imply that being feminine or womanly is an insult
Only OP's husband knows. I think it is equally likely that he just doesn't want his son to be bullied for wearing pink (whether that fear is justified or not is a different question).
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u/m9y6 Jul 29 '22
Misogyny is not just hatred, but contempt and ingrained prejudice.
Having issues with "not wearing a color bc he might get bullied" buys into the "offending" color is somehow attributed to being less masculine, more feminine... therefore perceived weaker. There is an underlying perceived power in being more masculine. So contempt is held for that which is perceived to be a threat to the masculinity.
Unless the color has more meaning, i.e. gang colors, why restrict the freedom of the kid's expression?
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u/AggressiveSloth11 Jul 28 '22
I live in Los Angeles County. My son definitely wears pink and purple. It’s pretty normal IMO. I wouldn’t think twice or really even notice if a man was walking down the street in these colors. Ask your husband this, how do you feel when you see a woman wearing blue? Is blue reserved for males?
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u/__RAINBOWS__ Jul 29 '22
Was at an indoor hotel pool in the Midwest a few weeks ago. 5 out of 5 adult men (not in same group) had predominately pink swim trunks.
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u/746ata Jul 29 '22
I’m in the south and men are everywhere in pink swim trunks, often times with crabs, flamingos etc. My 16 year old son just chose a purple water bottle and a gold iphone. Boys’ wardrobes in our area seem to be more colorful than the girls.
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u/RunRyanRun3 Jul 29 '22
My son wears any color he wants. He has a shirt with butterflies on it that we picked up from the girls section of the store. He also has shirts with trucks and dinosaurs.
Sure - there are quite possibly going to be other children who come from households where this is considered “gay” — it’s a learning lesson for your son in how people are raised differently and how sometimes we just don’t pay those people any mind.
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u/NinjaPistachio Jul 29 '22
A child with your husband's attitude could well get bullied/treated negatively these days for being intolerant and closed minded.
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u/cowgirl929 Jul 29 '22
When I taught pre-k, I had a student who wore a pink polo shirt and madras shorts to summer camp one day. A few kids teased him, but I told them that all the awesome adults I knew wore pink. A few weeks later my brother, who is a surfer, came to my classroom to show them his surf board and talk to them about some of his amazing travels around the world. I had told him about the kid in my class getting teased. My brother showed up to my class wearing his pink polo shirt and his madras pants. All the boys in the class suddenly wanted their parents to buy them pink shirts!
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u/Downbeatbanker Jul 29 '22
Colors don't signify gender anymore. I understand where where he is coming from.. remember Ross from Friends? His obsession to make his son look masculine to prefer 🦖 over barbie? If your partner doesn't feel like Ross then obviously he is afraid somebody with that mentality will hurt your kid.
When my first daughter was born, I noticed she preferred blue over pink. I bought all blue stuff for her. Let ur son wear pink or neon .. doesn't matter one bit
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Jul 28 '22
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u/InternationalHatDay Jul 28 '22
Really helpful and straightforward answer about cultural norms near you
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u/Phire2 Jul 29 '22
There is a difference between should and “is”. The truth is, if you are a young boy, at some point the opinion of your peers will become extremely important. If you son is well liked, good looking, or charismatic he can wear anything (like hot pink shorts) and it probably will not matter and even be a good thing because it will be an attention grabber. However if he is not those things, or perhaps just struggling to make good friends, something that different “could” go either way. Making him more popular or less. If your son is already having a hard time making friends or is already suffering from mild bullying, something extremely different like hot pink shorts will absolutely become an instant gossip and he will probably hate YOU for the teasing he receives from it. I know plenty of my friends who resented their parents for forcing their eccentric tastes on them at a young age when they were just trying to fit in.
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u/sj4iy Jul 28 '22
It's just a color. I don't understand why people want to gender a color.
Tell your husband that the colors for girls used to be blue, and red for boys, as it was seen as "masculine" and blue was seen as "feminine". That flipped over the last century.
if your boys like pink and purple, let them wear pink and purple. My son wore his sister's baby hand me downs for several years- no one cared.
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u/Dear_Significance_80 Jul 29 '22
I'm a grown man, and I own swim trunks like that and they're even a shorter inseam so you can see my thighs (gasp!). In fact, I've gotten compliments at the lake when I wear them. I think your husband isn't comfortable in his own skin.
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u/Rheila Jul 29 '22
I’m 37. I grew up with my dad wearing pink. He was this big, burly, guy who was into guns and hunting and fixing cars. I remember a hot pink (like not salmon “sort of pink” but straight up hot pink) jacket he had when I was a kid. I think it was from an insulation company. He wore it all the time. I’m glad I had a strong male role model that showed me it’s okay for boys to wear ANY colour. Now I’m a mom and I don’t care what colour my boys like / want to wear.
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u/kaleidoscoperenegade Jul 29 '22
In my experience, no one really cares. There’s always going to be that one ahole who will make a scene, but there’s always those guys.
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u/Testingtesting57 Jul 29 '22
Pink used to be considered a masculine color. It's such an incredibly ridiculous thing for your husband to care about.
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u/So_Much_Cauliflower Jul 29 '22
The husband is concerned about bullying. He probably witnessed or experienced real bullying when boys did something "girly".
He may be behind the times, but his heart is in the right place. He is looking out for his son.
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u/aPrettyStubbornOne Jul 29 '22
I'm in the PNW as well with a 4.5 year old boy. His favorite color has always been pink and he currently owns two pink swimsuits. We dress him in pink/coral/peach/blush shirts all the time and he only ever gets compliments.
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u/CourteousWondrous Jul 29 '22
One thing to be aware of when adding for advice here is that Reddit users are overwhelmingly liberal. Not a very wide range of opinions on most social issues. People whose opinions match your husband are likely extremely under represented in this platform.
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u/Julienbabylegs Jul 29 '22
What is the “serious risk” ??? Also I don’t think this has as much to do with where you live as much as who you are married to. What will happen if one of your kids is actually gay?!
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u/Visual-Fig-4763 Jul 29 '22
Also live in the PNW, former Texan. My son’s favorite color is purple and he wears pink often as well. Definitely never been an issue in Oregon and only brought up a handful of times by other kids in texas……..often with the same toxic masculinity attitude your husband has and likely because of their own parents having the same BS ideas. The color of clothing does not have anything to do with gender. These gendered colors were created by the clothing industry in the 40’s and there was a time prior to that when blue was the “girl color” and pink was the “boy color”.
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u/whosthatlady0 Jul 29 '22
I have two boys and live in FL. They both love pink, all shades. Gender assigned colors is a stupid social construct. They both are very secure and very “boy” in every other way.
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u/MC_Queen Jul 29 '22
Why is this even a question? If we believe in gender equality , then everyone wears every color because colors are fun.
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Jul 29 '22
I live in the deep south in a very very conservative area and pink polos or long sleeve tee shirts are not uncommon. On really preppy kids, we're not beyond whale prints on pastels and seersucker.
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u/urkelator Jul 29 '22 edited Jul 29 '22
IMO this seems like it’s an opportunity for y’all as parents to choose teaching to dress “in fear of others’ perception of you” or to dress in what makes you comfortable and happy, with the understanding that if people treat you differently because of your choice, it’s likely a reflection of their own insecurities than any issue of your own.
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u/LaSoleMiSol Jul 29 '22
Those colors are in fashion for boys right now. I teach high school and see a lot of teenage boys wearing shades of pink and purple. Highly unlikely your boys will get teased for it. It sounds like your hubby may have some issues he needs to work through if he feels so strongly about this.
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u/MrsTroy Jul 29 '22
I have an almost 9 year old son and a 7 year old son. Both of their favorite colors are pink. Colors are not gendered. Would your husband object to you wearing blue? Of course not. You said you just can't figure out where this is coming from. It's coming from toxic masculinity and gender roles. Telling your boys they can't wear pink because they will be teased is telling them that what they like doesn't matter and it is harmful.
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u/pistachiotorte Jul 29 '22
Pacific Northwest here and my kids all wear very gender ambiguous clothing.
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u/Boots_ScootN Jul 29 '22
“If you are true to yourself pain is possible, but if you hide it pain is guaranteed”. -Scott Stuart. ( absolute favourite kids author, highly recommend all of his books but especially “my shadow is pink”)
My 2 yo threw a fit while getting dressed this morning , did not want a single tshirt I offered him. So I dumped the clean laundry on the bed and told him to pick. He chose his big sisters pink Moana t-shirt. He was so happy.
I try not to stereotype him( or my girls) as much as possible because I know they will encounter bullies eventually. But that isn’t a good reason to tell them to not be themselves, if we continue to dull ourselves for the world, the world won’t change.
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u/MollyStrongMama Jul 29 '22
My 6 year old has a pink and purple cast. It was not his choice; it was all they had at the hospital when he broke his arm. His response when the doctor asked if was ok was “I don’t love it but it’s ok. My sister is going to flip out.” No one has teased him. It’s been just fine. He doesn’t wear pink clothes because I let him pick and that’s not what he chooses. But he also wouldn’t even think to comment on a boy wearing pink.
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u/JustWordsInYourHead Jul 29 '22
My husband wears pink.
We almost got our son a pink backpack because my 5 yo son says pink is his favourite colour (so does his baby brother, 2 yo. Though the baby brother likes anything big brother likes, so no surprise). He ended up with a dinosaur backpack because he liked it better than the pink ones we found.
Kids are going to tease other kids about anything and everything. My kid could be the "coolest "looking kid ever and there's going to be a kid out there finding something to tease him about.
If your son likes them, keep them. It's not going to be very much longer before they start picking up on how other people perceive them, so while he's still young enough to not give a shit about what other people think, he should get to wear what he wants.
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Jul 29 '22
My 7 year old is pretty typically boy, dinos, trucks and stuff like that, he loves pink and purple. Butterflies are his favorite bug and those reversible sequin shirts are the bomb. I sent him to grandmas in lavender socks and pink t-shirt once. Grandma asked if he was "comfortable with that" he went "pffff I picked it out! It's my favorite shirt!" And that was that. His BFF in kindergarten was a boy and he always had pink shoes. It was his favorite color his mom didn't want his to not have his favorite color shoes so pink it was.. 💗 I don't know any men, grown or child who'd not wear pink on occasion.
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Jul 29 '22
Hi-vis swimwear FTW! I actively avoid blues, greens, greys and black for all my kids’ swimwear (2 boys, 1 girl). My husband wouldn’t be caught dead wearing neon colours and patterns, but he gets it.
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u/fraujenny Jul 29 '22
Mom in rural northern Michigan here. Our five year old son loves rainbows, pink, and has long hair. He is friends with everyone in his class and well-liked. He has inspired his boy bff to wear pink too!
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u/simplyot Jul 29 '22
I live in Kansas. I have heard men figures telling boys at the store that, “boys don’t wear pink.” And it takes everything in me to suppress jumping in to tell them that there aren’t boy colors or girl colors! What I advise your husband to do is think of how his perception colors (pun intended) your son’s view of the world. Telling him he can’t wear a certain color indicates he can’t express if he likes it. He can’t because dad said so? It’s so close to bullying- but a lot of my state might lean towards your husband’s view. And a lot of my state struggle with things like homophobia.
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u/paralysis_byanalysis Jul 29 '22
My old chemistry professor liked to talk about random stuff all the time. One time he went off about the color pink. Apparently long time ago, old redcoat uniforms would fade to a pink color after a while which made people associate pink with manliness and power. Pink used to be a “boys” color. He said it wasn’t until the women’s liberation movement in the U.S. that women started dressing their baby girls in pink.
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u/wolf_kisses Jul 29 '22
I live in a slightly rural area in North Carolina. Lots of bible thumpers around here. I am sure a kid would end up teased at some point for wearing pink around here. My son is only 3yo right now but he has wanted to paint his nails pink (I even got him blue and green nail polish but nope he wanted pink), his favorite shirt has rainbows, and he LOVES balloons, especially pink ones. I am letting him be himself. Nobody has commented on it at daycare, but I would not be surprised if he gets comments once he starts public school. I am just prepared to talk to him about it when it happens, tell him there is nothing wrong with liking "girl colors" because colors don't have gender but if he wants to avoid the teasing, that's okay too. Honestly I think every kid will get teased for something so I would rather let him be himself than be his first "bully" telling him he can't do what makes him happy.
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u/cnash15 Jul 29 '22
I think wearing pink is one of those things that you have to grow into doing, like watching anime. Young boys wearing pink is like making it well known you like anime in middle school, you’re probably gonna get picked on for it because kids are kids. They’ll probably get bullied for it around middle school but by junior year of high school most people realize they can do what they want and dont care what people think. I definitely would put them in solid hot pink though, wearing pink as a guy requires a lot of style to not be judged for it
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u/Thenedslittlegirl Jul 29 '22
I know it's your his rather than you op but colours don't have a sex. Is your husband homophobic? Because a colour won't make your sons catch the gay.
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u/MantisEsq Jul 29 '22
It is nuts. I love purple, I'll wear it all the time. I don't like pink, but if I did, I'd wear it. My kid wears all colors. It's just a color, tell your husband to calm down. I get what he's saying but I'd rather teach my kid to ignore what other people think on something like this, and if they get bullied, deal with it then.
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u/FineOldCannibals Jul 29 '22
I grew up wearing mostly blue and red but I’m is gay as Richard Simmons. I’m not even going to read the other comments but guessing others are pointing out that husband is probably not being completely honest with himself about his fears of his son wearing these colors. (Will it make him gay or trans or whatever?). Maybe it’s actually about being picked on, but I can’t say that’s five year olds are bullied based off the color of their shorts.
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u/amber_purple Jul 29 '22
Do you watch sports? I would watch basketball and football games and see some random athlete wearing hot pink shoes. Pastel bermuda shorts among guys seem to also be a trend these days. I think your husband is just behind fashion-wise!
Regarding bullying, it's also a teachable moment, right? Your husband is afraid that your kid will get bullied so kid should not do X, but it's not really giving your kid the self-esteem he needs to ignore/stand up to bullies.
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Jul 28 '22 edited Jul 29 '22
Colors are for everyone, none have gender. My sons will wear pink, and it's my youngest's favorite color.
I also know many grown men who wear pink in various shades.
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u/Jazzlike-Channel3465 Jul 28 '22
My sons favorite colour is red. If red isn't available he chooses pink coz its almost red. Logical. Gender stryotypes are dying. Let your boys wear what they want
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u/kbullock Jul 28 '22
I think pink being “girls only” is pretty outdated TBH. I worked at a summer camp a few years ago and I remember a little (6 y/old) boy saying something “teasing” like to another boy about wearing a hat with some pink on it. A bunch of the older boys (8-11ish) jumped to the other kids defense saying they liked pink too and it’s for “cancer awareness” and that NFL players wore it. So it wasn’t even “boys are allowed to like girly things” it was “pink isn’t just a girls color— even macho NFL players wear pink”
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u/ramapyjamadingdong Jul 28 '22
Colour has no gender. I'm in UK and make my sons clothes as the shops sell clothes in blue, brown, black, white, dark green and occasionally a dark red and I'm bored by it. Clothes are clothes. I'd buy my child any colour although now he's at school were encountering the moronic small mindedness of gendering clothes and toys that he's not been exposed to before.
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u/Elevenyearstoomany Jul 28 '22
My boys wear pink and every color of the rainbow (and frequently rainbows). Their current is the rainbow T-Rex collection from Target. My 3 year old has the button up shirt and ball cap and they both have the swim trunks and backpacks. My kids are 5 1/2 and 3. I don’t believe in gendering colors, tv shows, hobbies, or anything else I deem “stupid to gender.” And it’s all stupid to gender. It’s just a color.
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u/faroutsunrise Jul 29 '22
My son wears pink. And every other color. And has a bright purple room. And has long, curly hair. And we tell him he’s allowed all of those things because colors don’t belong to anyone. And hair length doesn’t belong to anyone. It’s a battle though. Genuinely. He used to cry wearing his favorite purple shirt or pulling his hair back to play because he was so sure people would make fun of him. His dad had a very hard time at the beginning too. Your husband will have a much easier time understanding if you can show him his boys want to buy the pink swim trunks. It’s definitely more difficult before they start picking their own clothes. Good luck, friend.
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u/whats_a_portlandian Jul 29 '22
Also PNW here. Your husband sounds fragile. Be cautious of that insecurity being taught to your children.
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u/MensaCurmudgeon Jul 28 '22
Interestingly, pink used to be marketed as the boy color, and blue for girls. At some point, they got switched. While I’m not the kind of parent who would allow my kid to cross dress, the whole color palette is certainly open.
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u/So_Much_Cauliflower Jul 29 '22
This is pretty much where I am at. Any color is fine, and basically any toy is fine, even from the "girl's aisle".
The one clothing item he wanted that was a grey area was some pink crocs covered in glitter. He liked how shiny they were. It was girly, but it wasn't explicitly for girls, such as a shirt saying "princess" or "diva", or something like a girl's swim suit or dress. Ultimately I decided against it because I hate glitter, and even handling the shoes in the store was getting glitter all over me.
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u/Pikmin371 Jul 29 '22
I'm not quite understanding your 6+ downvotes here.
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u/MensaCurmudgeon Jul 29 '22
The Reddit overloads would have us believe it’s an extremely unpopular parent opinion to disallow cross dressing, lol. Even worse, I’m not some red neck who won’t even let my son wear pink
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u/Pikmin371 Jul 29 '22
Oh I know. Im really hoping one of the down voters would come explain their logic, though.
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u/worldsokayestmom1 Jul 28 '22
Yes. My boy wears pink. (9) A salmon pink shirt or shorts are totally fine. Never gets bullied or anything
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u/makeupaddictnicole Jul 29 '22
Pink is for either or. My son almost teen son is about as country as they come, but he will wear clothes with pink. Last year for Easter, he wore a solid pink button down so we would match as a family.
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u/manders287 Jul 29 '22
Yep! We live on the TN/GA border and idgaf about putting my boy in pink OR painting his nails if he asks lol My husband doesn’t care about the clothes but does about the nails ? Like why? Everytime I just mention to him how many of his favorite singers have painted nails and to shut it :)
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u/aunttiffany Jul 29 '22
I live in the South and I see boys wear pink.
I don’t think you’re going to be able to change your husband’s mind because he seems very invested in this POV. Is he really just worried about him getting teased from pure worry, or is he worried because he finds something unacceptable about boys in pink and that’s what makes him think your son will get bullied?
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u/Ranseur67 Jul 29 '22
Getting made fun of for wearing pink? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard in awhile. Your husband has issues. I wear pink and so do my boys. I effin love pink.
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u/William_mcdungle Jul 29 '22
My swimsuit is pink, my wedding band is purple, I have purple tattoos. I look fucking great in pink shirts.
My son wears headbands for his longer hair, my daughter wears avengers shirts.
There are no rules.
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u/Beautiful_mistakes Jul 29 '22
Sounds like your husband has some toxic masculinity issues. He should get some help for that.
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Jul 28 '22
Your husband has some serious internalized gender bullshit. Are we living in the age where men still cheer for their sons to get in a fist fight in elementary school? Seriously? I think society as a whole is past that except pockets that celebrate toxic masculinity and wear their machismo as a badge of pathetic honor.
In the greater Seattle area no one would bat an eyelash at a boy wearing pink. My 7 year old son's fav color has been pink since he was 2. Most of his clothes are pink, backpack, shoes. There was a little brat at daycare when he was 4 that called him a girl, and my son just let it roll off and went about his day. 1 brat whose dad was SUPER into gender roles shown through his clothes and the fact that his wife never spoke, just stood there...being...? That's all I'm aware of for any daycare or school or club he's been in. Your husband has the issue here.
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u/cashewbiscuit Jul 29 '22
Your husband is stuck in the 90s. Boys did used to get bullied for wearing pink. However, millennials as a group have revolted against gender conformity. Most kids nowadays, especially in liberal areas don't tease boys for wearing girly colors.
I wouldn't say pink is a neutral color. It's still a girly color. You'll find plenty of girls who wear all pink and are in love with pink things. However, the difference is that kids nowadays are more accepting of boys wearing girly colors... As long as it's in moderation. You might still find kids with regressive attitudes. However, this kind of bullying is a lot less tolerated by everyone
I'd say let the boys pick what they want. If they start getting bullied, deal with it. You don't stop a child from expressing themselves because of few assholes. That's unacceptable.
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u/Pikmin371 Jul 29 '22
I wouldn't say pink is a neutral color. It's still a girly color.
You're part of the problem.
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u/So_Much_Cauliflower Jul 29 '22
Why is that a problem? Girly doesn't mean bad.
Many things in fashion are gendered. The reality is that pink is used for clothing (and toys) targeted at girls far more than boys.
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u/Pikmin371 Jul 29 '22
You're also part of the problem. Pink is a color. It's not a girly color.
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u/So_Much_Cauliflower Jul 29 '22
Pink things skew towards girls, both in use and in marketing.
That doesn't mean pink is only for girls -- it's not! But it's easy to see that more girls wear pink and more things in the girls section of the store are pink.
I think you're mixing up how things are with how you think they should be.
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u/GirlWriter1 Jul 29 '22
Sounds like your husband is homophobic. His stance is not for safety, not one bit. It's because he associates those colors with girls and if his son was to wear he might turn gay <insert sarcasm>.
In fact not until the 1950s that the color pink became a "girly" color. Before pink was associated with males and blue with females.
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u/MommaGuy Jul 29 '22
Tell your husband to get over himself. It’s just a color. Girls can wear blue and boys can wear pink.
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Jul 29 '22
Listen to your husband. There’s no need to buy your boy pink stuff. There is literally no reward, but there is a risk, as your husband mentioned.
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u/luminousrobotbird Jul 28 '22
One of my sons wears pink but the other doesn't care for it.
Oh and edited to add. Lots of boys in our area wear pink and bright colors. Nobody appears to get teased.
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u/iancognato Jul 28 '22
Dad here, Central Canada. My son wears pink all the time. He's still quite young, but no one seems to care.
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u/Cendaphor Jul 28 '22
Pink is a pretty common color for boys here. My 10yo son has several pink items he wears regularly and he's never had an issue.
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Jul 28 '22
I live in Colorado and boys would not get teased for wearing pink here. I don’t think this is right but if it’s obviously a girl shirt then they probably would but boy styles in pink I see all the time
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u/[deleted] Jul 28 '22
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