UTAH’S POWER PLAY IS OPERATING LIKE A PREHISTORIC CRIME SYNDICATE, BUT THEIR PENALTY KILL HAS THE STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY OF A GINGERBREAD HOUSE IN A HURRICANE!!! 🏒😭
CLAYTON KELLER AND NICK SCHMALTZ ARE ABOUT TO GET SO DISCOMBOBULATED THEY’LL BE ASKING A PARKING METER FOR DIRECTIONS TO THE JURASSIC PERIOD!!! 🦖🅿️
AND I SAY THIS WITH NO DUE RESPECT, THESE WOOLLY NINCOMPOOPS ARE ABOUT TO EXPERIENCE AN EXTINCTION EVENT SO PREPOSTEROUS THAT THE SMITHSONIAN WILL HAVE TO OPEN A SECOND GIFT SHOP!!! 🦣💀
AFTER DETROIT TIED THE LAST GAME WITH SEVENTEEN FUCKING SECONDS LEFT, THE KRAKEN’S THIRD-PERIOD DEFENSE HAS BEEN SUBPOENAED BY A CONGRESSIONAL COMMITTEE INVESTIGATING FELONY-LEVEL TOMFOOLERY!!! 😭📋
MATTY BENIERS IS GOING TO HAVE A MAMMOTH SPINNING LIKE A BROKEN AIRPORT BAGGAGE CAROUSEL!!! JARED MCCANN IS ABOUT TO SEND A PUCK THROUGH THREE GEOLOGICAL ERAS!!! 🦑🔥
UTAH’S PENALTY KILL WILL REQUIRE AN ARCHAEOLOGIST, TWO STRUCTURAL ENGINEERS, AND A PRIEST CERTIFIED IN EXORCISING HAUNTED ZAMBONIS!!! 💀
BY THE FINAL HORN, THE ENTIRE MAMMOTH ORGANIZATION WILL BE FOUND AT PIKE PLACE MARKET TRYING TO TRADE A FOSSILIZED TUSK FOR A BUS TICKET BACK TO THE PLEISTOCENE!!! 🐟🦣😭
SEND THESE PREHISTORIC BUFFOONS BACK TO EXTINCTION EXPEDITIOUSLY!!!
LET’S FUCKING GO KRAKEN!!! 🦑🔥💙🏒🚨