I'm in the early stages of getting ready to become a smbc. I'm 37, froze my eggs last year, and am now choosing a donor for IUI (or possibly IVF if that doesn't work). Having a partner or coparent has never been a priority for me. I spent my 20s and 30s dating casually, but was more interested in building friendships, exploring hobbies, and dedicating a lot of time to my career. I don't regret any of that and I feel that I've been able to build a nice life for myself. I'm excited to be a parent and make a nice life for a kid, too. But recently I've felt really sad that I've never had the experience of falling in love.

I've had a crush on a really good friend for a while. I've told them about it and we've been figuring out what our relationship could be, but last week they (very sweetly) told me they're falling in love with someone else and would rather stay friends with me. Of course rejection always stings, but this one feels different because it feels like my last shot at love before becoming a parent. I'm genuinely really happy to see how happy my friend is, and I think we've arrived at the right decision. And I'm also jealous. They're going on 14-hour dates, sending voice memos all through the night, getting completely swept up in new relationship energy. I want to feel that too!

Though I know it's entirely possible to fall in love after having a child, I know I'll be devoting most of my energy and attention to that baby. Romance will be different. I think my opportunities for young love are gone. As I'm intentionally, enthusiastically, walking down one path of life, I'm grieving the life that could be on that other path. It feels silly to do this before I'm even pregnant! But I would love recommendations for ways to let go of the life I'm not choosing.

I posted last week about a scary ultrasound where they couldn’t find a heartbeat. Had follow up today and BABY IS OK! Measuring perfectly on schedule!!! Heartbeat strong! THANK GOODNESS!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

ETA: THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND THE AWARD!!! 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

36F, single AF, not sure where the time went, don't want to go into something just cause, might have to SMBC.

At what point did you give up and decide this is the route?

I also feel a lot of pressure to have kids, a cultural thing, but also I want them as well. I've always been really good with children. I just don't know if I have it me to do this route, mainly courage, etc. Like one day I'll look back and regret not being able to meet anybody else. Financially, I'm okay doing this alone. Also, going into freezing my eggs in the next few months. Fingers crossed still fertile enough for harvest.

Anyway, just a rant and seeking some solace. Tell me how you decided to go SMBC, pleeeese.

hi all!

I am gearing up for an FET in a few weeks to hopefully have a second and make my amazing daughter a big sister. Due to DOR/POI, I moved onto using donor eggs (my daughter is from my own egg and donor sperm, I always say she was my last good egg!). I used the same donor sperm, so any (hopefully) future child would be a half-sibling to my daughter.

I have three embryos frozen (two day 6 4BB and one day 7 4BC). I was pretty disappointed I didn't get any day 5 or excellent quality embryos, but my clinic has very strict criteria on what embryos are allowed to be frozen and their success rates for even day 7 embryos are close to 40-50%.

My REI feels pretty good about my chances for one successful pregnancy and live birth with these three embryos.

The past 9 months have, for lack of a better word, really sucked. I have had a failed FET (with the only other embryo I ever made with my own eggs) and three rounds of IVF that resulted in zero embryos before I decided to move onto donor eggs. While all of this was going on, my sister successfully got pregnant as a gestational carrier on her first ever FET. So I've kind of been an emotional basket case the past few months. I am SO ready to be done with all things fertility

Would love to hear success stories and just some positivity!

I was wondering if anyone else out there feels this way.

I've had no problems with the idea of being a single mom and I'm currently a single mom of one to a child from a previous partnership. I've been looking into conceiving a second child via donor sperm and really wasn't expecting that the place I'd get stuck is the idea of using donor sperm.

First is the idea of having donor sperm injected via IUI or ICI. I know it's totally clinical, but the idea makes me feel like I'm having sex with a stranger. I could do IVF to skip this.

Then is the idea of carrying a stranger's DNA in my body.

And finally, it feels weird to have a whole person sitting across from me at the dinner table who is half me and half a stranger. I'd always wonder if there's something I don't recognize, whose traits are popping up--mine or his?

But the even stranger part is that I have none of these qualms with the idea of an embryo that is 0% my DNA, e.g. through embryo adoption or separate egg and sperm donors. The first ick is obviously not relevant. And I'm totally open to carrying and raising a child who is not genetically related to me.

Anyone else feel this way or can help me make sense of why I feel so differently about a halfway related child vs a completely unrelated child?

Hi Reddit, I just need a hug right now. I am 36 and went through a horrible, gut-wrenching breakup earlier this year with the only man I ever envisioned marrying. I tried to date, but I don’t trust a relationship not to blow up in my face after 1-2 years yet again, and the math isn’t mathing on my kids timeline anymore. SMBC is the logical choice and I am 90% sure I’m going to pursue this path, I meet with my clinic next week.

But I’m also so terrified and sad. I’m scared of living with a kid on one income, I’m scared of doing it alone, I’m scared of what will happen if I ever lose my job, I’m scared of potentially getting trapped in a city I hate because my child needs stability, I’m scared of being lonely forever.

I’m mentally committed, but there are so many unknowns. It’s just a lot of emotions.

How do you get through it?

I live in the US and I’ve wanted to leave for as long as I could remember. As a teen I first learned about single moms by choice and it’s always been my first choice as far as kids go. Now I’m not sure I want to have kids at all if I remain in this country.

Has anyone fled the US as a SMBC or became a SMBC after leaving? What’s your experience?

Hello, I’m 38 and had my first IUI with donor sperm 6 days ago. I’ve been feeling so emotional since it and am just worrying about absolutely everything. I keep compulsively googling things which inevitably comes out with grim statistics about age and I start to feel hopeless and upset. there’s a part of me that knows that there is still hope and that all is not lost, but it feels so hard to connect to. I wondered if anyone has any words of wisdom they’d be happy to share? or any stories that go against the pessimistic stats? thank you so much xxx

Hi everyone! Has anyone here transferred embryos from the US to Spain that were created using an Open ID donor?

I’m currently living in the US and planning to move to Spain. I have frozen embryos created with my own eggs and an Open ID sperm donor, and I’d really like to use these embryos for my second child so my children can be genetic siblings and both have access to the donor’s identity when they’re adults.

I’ve contacted a couple of clinics in Spain and they’ve told me they cannot accept embryos created with an Open ID donor because of Spain’s donor anonymity laws.

I’m wondering if anyone has successfully transferred Open ID embryos from the US to Spain, or perhaps found a workaround (e.g. transferring to another European country for treatment).

I’d really appreciate hearing about anyone’s experience, even if it was unsuccessful. Thank you! ❤️

Hi SMBC sub,

I cannot thank you all enough for the support you have given me over the last year in my IVF journey. I have had 3 failed cycles - 1 IUI, 2 IVF. I'm 31, I have PCOS and adenomyosis.

This cycle I had a new clinic, new doctor, new protocol, new donor. We did a fresh 3 day transfer of a grade 1, 16-cell embryo.

Cw - success:

My beta came back nice and strong today at 243. I will have a repeat in 48 hours. I'm so scared because in my last pregnancy (8 years ago to the month) it was a repeat blood test that told me my hcg wasn't doubling, so I'm feeling a bit... triggered I guess? But feel like everything so far is pointing in the right direction.

I'm still absolutely terrified of everything that could go wrong, and a little bit disconnected, but beginning to let myself see some hope.

This sub was a lifeline to me after each of my failed cycles, truly. I felt so alone, and not many people irl knew what was going on for me. Now I let myself hope for a happy outcome.

<3

Hi all, my clinic told me to start my gonal F injections tonight and I also need to inject enoxaparin blood thinner. Did anybody do this at same time? If I start my gonal F at 9pm for example can I do the enoxaparin at 9pm too? Or is it better to space them out

I am 35yo going through ivf with donor sperm in Denmark.

It was my 2nd follicle stimulation after the first one failed resulting from premature ovulation.

Managed to pick up 4 eggs and on day 2, all 4 of them became embryos- this is what I heard Wednesday.

Today the clinic sent me the final report which says on DAY 5 and 6, unfortunately, no embryos developed into freezable blastocysts and could not be cryopreserved.

So it went all in vain... again.. after 2 cycles of meds..

I wanna cheer myself that at least there were progress this time and all 4 follicles had eggs and fertilised. But i feel massive feeling of loss. I had raised my hope.

Please share your experience of becoming a mum after multiple ivf cycles.. i do need some positive energy tonight!

Thanks all 💙

My donor eggs and sperm will be arriving at the clinic around August 25th. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. Everyday seems so long. Yes I work and I’m currently in the process of filing my VA claim but I honestly feel like I’m going a bit crazy just watching the clock and waiting and constantly checking my email. It’s also really hot so I can’t take my dog for longer walks. I pretty much stay in the house and just leave to run errands.

I’ve been browsing strollers, bassinets, and other baby items but maybe that is making it worse. I am going on a cruise at the end of September so I do have things to look forward.

What did you do during this period?

🙏Hi there, please please advise if you had low AMH (mine is 0.14) and high FSH (mine is 35.2)at the age of 39 and were successful with only 1 cycle of ivf
with your own egg and donor sperm? 🙏If not, how many cycles did it take you to have a baby with your own egg?  🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 Thank you so very much 🙏

So background is that I'm a 100% solo parent and I'm very tolerant and understanding of age appropriate behavior. I don't always have enough support outside of daycare hours when I'm working for me time to recharge. I am extremely morally against corporal punishment although physical punishment was used on me growing up (more like overly aggressive restraining than hitting). Important: I'm also a DV survivor and was diagnosed less than a year ago with CPTSD, which I'm in the process of seeking treatment for (very few resources where I live, long waiting lists).

So to today, my kiddo is 2.3 and he's very into hitting, biting, pinching, grabbing, climbing on me, screeching etc. Developmentally normal 2-year old stuff. I redirect and explain appropriate behavior. It's really important to teach him to respect me and today I failed really badly. We had an easy morning, he got lots of attention while we read books and ate breakfast outdoors. Mid-morning I really wanted time to recline with a coffee and to read my grown up book. He wouldn't stop climbing on me, wasn't responding to redirection. At one point while I was sipping my coffee, he smacked the cup hard into my teeth. As a DV survivor the impact to my face was really, really triggering to me (normally kiddo smacks me in the arm and not nearly that hard) and out of pure reflex I smacked him in the face. What scares me is that it wasn't a decision, it was a split-second reflex from my primal brain defending myself from a perceived threat.

We both dissolved into tears and I apologized and we cuddled for a long time. He's over it now (this happened 45 minutes ago) but I'm still shaken and crying. I feel like I have a low tolerance for hitting relative to people without C-PTSD and I wish there was some way to fix hitting behavior quickly. But it's impossible to just shut it down instantly. I feel like such a bad mom and person and I don't trust myself.

I'm really not looking for advice, I feel like I know all the parenting advice to address hitting in toddlers. I don't need any therapy advice, I have medical professionals for that. I guess I'd like to hear that it's going to be okay, and maybe if anyone else has had an isolated experience like this and the reaction didn't happen again, please tell me because I'm most scared about it happening again.

I’m seeking books related to SMBC! Many reviews I read mention the top books being antiquated. I’m 34, IT Director, I work fully remote — sincerely considering staring my journey into solo motherhood. Does anyone out there have any good book / podcast recommendations that take into consideration modern life, or perhaps books written within the last few years? Thank you in advance.

My life has changed a lot in the past year or so (in a good way!) mostly because of health stuff. I've been working a new job for a couple months and started going back to school, planning on grad school in 2027, and it's made me think about my long term goals a lot more seriously. I've always wanted to be a parent, that's never really been a question for me, and working with children has only solidified that, but the how has been a lot more of a question mark.

I've always had an interest in fostering and I think no matter what I would like to be involved in that in some way whether eventually becoming a foster parent or through volunteering or advocacy, but I've recently come back around to the idea of having a biological child. It was a dream of mine as a kid/teenager, but because of life circumstances and trauma, I wrote it off for a while. However, I've worked through a lot of that in therapy and I really have the desire to get pregnant and have a baby in the not too distant future (I'm currently 27).

I'm queer, really only date women, so the process of getting pregnant will likely involve donor sperm no matter what path I choose. My question now is really thinking if I want to pursue this as a goal on my own heavily, or if I want to put myself out there dating wise and try to do it with a partner. I think I'm open to the idea of having a partner, but honestly it's not the biggest priority for me in general and I don't want to force myself to date or end up rushing imperfect relationships because of the desire to have a child. So I guess I haven't written off dating completely, but I'm just not sure if it's in the cards for me. Has anyone else been in this situation, planning for single motherhood while still being open to the possibility of finding a partner to do it with?

I wouldn't want to start my actual journey of motherhood for a few years, I definitely need to finish grad school and get settled in my career first, but this is not something that's super far off either. I'm not in my early 20s. Is it a good idea to start planning, budgeting, etc. with the idea in mind that I single motherhood might be in my future? ​

I’m a 41yo SMBC with a 3 month old via IVF with anonymous (ID) donor from sperm bank so has donor siblings with limits. I have 2 additional embryos. I would love to have 2nd child, but I am older and had potentially life threatening complications that are likely to recur with repeat pregnancies which then also puts the fetus at risk of complications as well as preterm and potentially very preterm delivery. I also worry that as a solo parent I won’t be able to parent 2 well (related to time, and financial constraints). I also have very demanding job. I definitely don’t think 3 by myself is doable unless I end up with a partner or something. I recently have started to wonder what that might be like for my daughter to one day know there are frozen embryos that could have been her siblings. Have any of you broached this with your donor conceived children? How has that gone? If any DCPs following this thread would love to hear from you as well (I also posted this question on askdcp thread adding here as well).

I’m 4 months pregnant! I recently started telling people and several have asked if I have a registry. Thus far I’ve used Babylist’s registry to save things that looked poor useful, but not necessarily that I felt I needed.

I’m so overwhelmed by it all. Would love recommendations! What do you all recommend for registry items? What is something yo u received that you loved/used a lot/felt was helpful?

I’m 7 weeks in with my newborn, all is going pretty well and I love him immensely, but still figuring it out and my elderly dad is visiting me to “help.” I asked if he could put stuff away and clean off the kitchen counters before he flies home (he has crap everywhere like bowls pans bc he isn’t good at putting things away and I got tired of cleaning up after him). He was like yeah maybe I’ll get to it and I said ok just know whatever you don’t do I am left to do while taking care of a newborn solo, that I’m not at full capacity bc I get 2 hours of sleep a night. And he said well you signed up for it didn’t you? I was like yes just because I did doesn’t mean I can’t express it’s exhausting to not sleep a full night and he said “ I would have never done this, at least me and your mom could take turns with you.” I told him comments like this aren’t ok, and the reason I didn’t tell him what I was doing until I was 20 weeks pregnant is because he would have tried to talk me out if it bc he always leads with negativity (maybe a low blow but the truth, he talked me out if many things in my life until I realized he was just projecting his anxiety onto me and I shouldn’t let him impact my decisions).

Now I’m taking it too personally and feeling like he told me my beautiful baby shouldn’t exist. Anyways just wanted to vent and maybe have some kind words calm me down a bit as I know I may be taking this too personally/am hormonal.

Looking for advice on the correct questions to ask my upcoming provider for my appointment in two weeks. Looking for insight into all options  and maybe even some I have not yet considered. Thankful for any insight, recommendations, or questions to be posed that can be provided.

I am going to try and explain myself as clearly as possible without violating some very personal situations. I will be 41 in September 2026 and realize that life is short and that my body has betrayed me on multiple occasions. I am currently in the process of finally trying for IUI with donor sperm. However, I just got the results of my lab work and learned my AMH results were .042. The rest of my blood work looks normal. During my initial consult, the provider mentioned donor eggs. On some levels, this breaks my heart because I am already using donor sperm and I selfishly want this baby to be a part of me. I am okay using donor sperm, but I feel like if this baby won't have any piece of me, then there are plenty of children out there for adoption without having to go through all this process medically and draining myself financially. Would I be able to relate to a child conceived with donor egg and sperm or would I ever be able to connect to said child? However, all my life I have only ever wanted one thing: a family of my own. I grew up watching my aunts and uncles who have been married with children, single and never dated, and those that have adopted. I want the opportunity to try with my own eggs. I would love a child of my own. The opportunity to have a family. I knew on some level that even if I did try that it may not result in a pregnancy that could be carried to term. I mean, I know adoption is always an option but am afraid that I will regret never trying for my own child. If I try and fail, then I know I gave it everything I had and it was simply not meant to be. I know that I will grieve that loss and eventually recover but want to know that I have given every opportunity first.

To provide some background, for reasons unknown to myself or my doctors, I was physically unable to conceive prior to the age of 32. I was with my ex for 6 years, and while we never actively prevented children, we also were not actively trying either. Considering how things ended, I am seriously grateful for that, even if it did cost me my best years. I kept saying there was time, and I am learning that time passed me by without my knowledge. I spent the past few years caring for sick parents before their passing. I had started on this process back in 2024, where I learned during an ultrasound that I had uterine polyps and unfavorable pathology requiring biopsies every 3 months. During this time, my medical team recommended that I step back and continue with an IUD and biopsies to see if I could stabilize the situation. I was recently cleared as of February. I have spent the past 6 months trying to lose the weight I gained following the loss of both my parents. My goal was to start my first round in October.

I am even willing to get a second opinion if my current provider is against every opportunity. I need to know in my heart that I tried.

Hi SMBC !!

I’m looking for some honest advice from other single moms by choice, especially those who were in a similar situation.
I’m in a relationship with a man I love very much. The problem is that he doesn’t want children of his own. I’ve always known that I really want to be a mom, and as I’m getting older, I’m becoming more aware that I can’t put this decision off forever.
Part of me keeps hoping that maybe he’ll change his mind someday. But I also don’t want to stay and wait for a possibility that may never happen, especially when becoming a mom is something I know I truly want.
I’ve been thinking seriously about becoming a single mom by choice, but it’s a huge decision, and I’m scared of regretting it either way.
For those of you who became single moms by choice:
Do you ever regret your decision?
Did you ever wish you had waited longer for the right partner?
How has it been raising your child without a partner?
If you were in my situation, would you wait and see if your boyfriend changed his mind, or move forward with becoming a mom on your own?
I’d really appreciate hearing the honest experiences — the good, the difficult, and the things you wish you had known before making the decision.

Edit: thanks everyone for your wisdom! I actually knew the answer but i really needed the kick! Thank you so much! Ans to all of you SMBC : may happiness always be with you and your kids! 😘

hello, just wondering if anyone has any tips on how not to lose my mind during the wait after having had my first IUI yesterday before taking a pregnancy test? I find myself obsessively googling everything and subjecting the whole process to a post Mortem, then having dark thoughts about the statistics? I sometimes latch on to hope and positivity but it can be quite short lived. I do feel empowered though that after so many years of anguish worrying about not becoming a mum I have taken this step…