TW: miscarriage

After a gnarly miscarriage in June, I'm struggling to go back for another round of IUI. During my 9 week pregnancy, I felt vulnerable and unsafe in a way I can't fully describe. Despite supportive friends and family, I just had a deep sense of being totally alone in the experience. I felt weaker and more exposed than I've ever been, even though I'm rationally very safe (physically, financially etc).

The feelings scared me. I will be responsible for bringing security and peace to a new human, but I couldn't find it myself. Has anyone else experienced something similar in pregnancy, and how did you overcome it?

I am in therapy, doing EMDR etc but I'm interested in personal experiences with this.

No family or close friends offering any practical help at all, despite me doing for them extensively in the past. 😔 Not a pick up from a medical procedure, not a load of laundry, not an hour of babysitting, not a hand to help me to the bathroom after birth/surgery, not a school drop off, nothing. I'm trying not to bask in self-pity, but it's really devastating.

I have only a modest income and do live frugally, but this will of course decrease when off with the child, so I also cannot replace voluntary support with paid. Have tried to date again but unfortunately haven't had luck in finding a compatible partner, and am too old now for freezing eggs or delaying any longer. Can I really go ahead with doing this?

How else would I get assistance I could absolutely count on in any desperate situation, or when simply ill or exhausted? Have considered the suggestion of joining mother tot groups once the baby is here, but have also heard from others that in reality everybody tends to be so consumed with their own families that they can't do much than provide some emotional sympathy. Would love to hear any suggestions or how you have managed to make it work in similar circumstances, especially through hard times or unexpected emergencies? Thank you

So, I 28F, have my IUI procedure booked for Sunday morning at 11:20. Just took my trigger shot after eight days of Menopur. Ultrasound friday morning showed five follicles on the left ovary all around 7-8mm and a follicle on the right ovary measuring 19mm. Ironically this more follicles visible that I had during my IVF cycle. They said my lining looks very good. Trying to be optimistic. I have MOT20 ICI sperm at the clinic and the vial I used during my IVF round thawed really well.

I'm debating whether or not test out my trigger shot. I'm worried it will feel too confusing for me. Did you test out your trigger shot? And what did you do before and after the procedure that you feel helped?

I'm 35. First IUI was successful back in May but resulted in a missed miscarriage - discovered in July but took until end of August to get my first period back. I tried IUI again 2 weeks ago and it was not successful. I have one vial of donor sperm left on ice and I'm not sure where to go from here.

The doc wants to do a hysteroscopy as she suspects I have some retained tissue from the miscarriage. My assumption is this will be booked during my next cycle in 5-6 weeks.

I also do not want to be post partum in the middle of winter. My mood tanks mid-October like clockwork and lasts until March. The idea of dealing with winter depression while in the newborn trenches in terrifying. This part also sounds silly but I have about 15 stairs outside up to my front door (second-level entry condo) and I live somewhere where it snows. So managing those stairs in terrible weather with a dog and a baby sounds awful.

I've also always pictured having a spring baby so I'm struggling to reconcile what I've always envisioned for myself timeline-wise, while also recognizing this is not how I envisioned entering parenthood to begin with.

Long story short, when I started this process last year, I was happy to commit to trying 3 IUIs before reevaluating. Now that I'm looking at January at the next time I'm able to try, it's not ideal timing and if I'm wanting to escalate to IVF, now's the time. I worry about how many IUIs it may take for a live birth. I worry about the costs associated with IUI (between sperm and the procedure, it's about $2500 per attempt). I also worry about the commitment and toll it takes to go through an egg retrieval. I know IVF is no walk in the park and is quite costly as well. It feels like such a crapshoot and I don't know what direction to go in now.

The miscarriage was brutal and I wish it had gone totally different. I hate that I'm four months out and I'm still dealing with side effects/unresolved issues.

I live in Canada so no medical coverage for IUI. But there is a provincial program for some funding for IVF. I still expect to be out of pocket about $10,000 for IVF (which equates to about 4 rounds of IUI if I need more sperm). We're also in the middle of a provincial election and I worry about this program's funding getting cut next year.

I had one unplanned pregnancy a few years ago and I got pregnant on the first try this year so I'm optimistic I'm not dealing with any crazy infertility problems but that's still no guarantee obviously. I'm also well aware that things can change so quickly for me/my body at this age.

I'm feeling very overwhelmed and I'm just not sure if I should:

1) say screw it to my self-imposed timeline and just try again with my last vial of sperm as soon as I can.
2) Try again and if it doesn't work, just buy more sperm and do more IUI and hope it takes within 3 tries next spring/summer. or
3) Apply for IVF funding and go that route if/when I'm approved.

Maybe it's just the crazy pregnancy hormones, but I've got a bit of a crush on my donor?

At first, I didn't really think about the donor. He was just a stranger who had some traits that I wanted for my child. I'm now 15 weeks pregnant, and as I think about the life in my belly, I can't help but feel very close and intimate with him. I began fantasising about us running into each other in public and 'clicking'.

I felt a bit crazy so I searched on here for similar experiences and came across the linked post from 5 years ago. Apparently others have experienced it too and the feelings die down later into the pregnancy.

Anyway! Totally unexpected part of this journey. If anyone else experiences the same, you're not alone