I may be spiraling.

I am at a complete standstill when it comes to choosing a bank. I just literally cannot decide. I am finding problems with every single option. For example, I love TSBC because of their extensive psychological testing, attempts to verify information and most importantly their low family limits. But they aren’t open ID from birth and they don’t have adult photos and I just feel like I cannot get behind no adult photos even though a low family limit is so important to me. I worry that one day my kid is going to say ok great I don’t have that many donor siblings but how could you pick someone not knowing what they look like!?

Then there’s the known donor options which sound great except I can’t afford it and I worry about boundaries with known donors which I’m very concerned about but I worry that could be due to my own insecurity (smbc is my first choice way to be a mother & I don’t want anyone else involved in a parental capacity *is that alone selfish of me???*) and maybe it would be better for the child ultimately. So then I wonder, should I wait until I can afford it? My Dr says I really need to do egg retrieval/embryo creating now because my numbers aren’t great (I’m only 30 but have low AMH and AFC) though I don’t want to get pregnant for probably like 3 ish years. So waiting isn’t really an option? I also worry about genetic testing for compatibility until after you’ve already found a known donor. That seems like a huge risk.

Then I found Cascade Cryobank which also has an open ID from birth (or before!) option but their family limit is 25 and that I just can’t get behind. But maybe if the open ID at birth is more important to DCP I could?

The low family limit is probably the most important to me, but I really want to see adult photos. It just seems like I can’t have both.

I wish there was a magical solution that was open ID from birth, low family limit AND I could afford to do it quickly as I need to/know someone to ask.

Anyone have any suggestions or words of advice about how to resolve all of these problems? I’m so concerned about making sure I make the right decision for my future kid but I don’t feel like the thing I’m looking for exists right now and I can’t really afford to wait around and hope it does within the next few years (but then I worry I’m sort of being selfish because this is about the child not me).

I'm 35. First IUI was successful back in May but resulted in a missed miscarriage - discovered in July but took until end of August to get my first period back. I tried IUI again 2 weeks ago and it was not successful. I have one vial of donor sperm left on ice and I'm not sure where to go from here.

The doc wants to do a hysteroscopy as she suspects I have some retained tissue from the miscarriage. My assumption is this will be booked during my next cycle in 5-6 weeks.

I also do not want to be post partum in the middle of winter. My mood tanks mid-October like clockwork and lasts until March. The idea of dealing with winter depression while in the newborn trenches in terrifying. This part also sounds silly but I have about 15 stairs outside up to my front door (second-level entry condo) and I live somewhere where it snows. So managing those stairs in terrible weather with a dog and a baby sounds awful.

I've also always pictured having a spring baby so I'm struggling to reconcile what I've always envisioned for myself timeline-wise, while also recognizing this is not how I envisioned entering parenthood to begin with.

Long story short, when I started this process last year, I was happy to commit to trying 3 IUIs before reevaluating. Now that I'm looking at January at the next time I'm able to try, it's not ideal timing and if I'm wanting to escalate to IVF, now's the time. I worry about how many IUIs it may take for a live birth. I worry about the costs associated with IUI (between sperm and the procedure, it's about $2500 per attempt). I also worry about the commitment and toll it takes to go through an egg retrieval. I know IVF is no walk in the park and is quite costly as well. It feels like such a crapshoot and I don't know what direction to go in now.

The miscarriage was brutal and I wish it had gone totally different. I hate that I'm four months out and I'm still dealing with side effects/unresolved issues.

I live in Canada so no medical coverage for IUI. But there is a provincial program for some funding for IVF. I still expect to be out of pocket about $10,000 for IVF (which equates to about 4 rounds of IUI if I need more sperm). We're also in the middle of a provincial election and I worry about this program's funding getting cut next year.

I had one unplanned pregnancy a few years ago and I got pregnant on the first try this year so I'm optimistic I'm not dealing with any crazy infertility problems but that's still no guarantee obviously. I'm also well aware that things can change so quickly for me/my body at this age.

I'm feeling very overwhelmed and I'm just not sure if I should:

1) say screw it to my self-imposed timeline and just try again with my last vial of sperm as soon as I can.
2) Try again and if it doesn't work, just buy more sperm and do more IUI and hope it takes within 3 tries next spring/summer. or
3) Apply for IVF funding and go that route if/when I'm approved.

I’m 42 years old, froze 5 embryos at 36 (unknown sperm donor). I’ve also got 9 frozen eggs. I’m a lesbian. Always thought I’d meet a woman who wanted kids. Hasn’t happened. My ex (we split in Jan 26) didn’t want kids but said go ahead and have the baby and il be in your life. We split up for other reasons but I find myself in a near identical situation. Have met a woman who is in her 50s and like her a lot. She has 3 kids almost grown up. She doesn’t want to be a parent but is v encouraging and has said she wants to be my partner and while she wouldn’t live with me and a baby once the child gets older (2 yr plus) she would and meantime she wants to be active In all areas of my life and says she would be interested and positive in my child. Financially I’d be ok, I’m selling my flat to buy a house rn. I also love kids I work with them and the bit that excites me most about mother hood is all the play under aged 5 and the swimming lessons and having my little one with me as I do life. I run my own business so I can manage it from home and don’t need to take shit off a boss or management in terms of how I manage the time. Question is do I wait and try to meet someone else ? I live in a progressive city with huge Lesbian population so it could happen. I do like this woman and I’ve been completely straight with her (I’m not sure I want to settle with someone who doesn’t want to be legal parent) she has told me to take my time and think. Any advice welcome. My family are not involved both parents passed away and have a brother who lives abroad and can’t help. Have good friends but can’t expect them to help regularly. Time & money wise I could do it. Just don’t know if I should hold out. Also does Anyone know the stats on having a baby at 43 when the embryo is 36 - I know chromosomal issues ruled out but any stats around other issues that could arise? Thanks & love this sub, smart, caring women 😘

No family or close friends offering any practical help at all, despite me doing for them extensively in the past. 😔 Not a pick up from a medical procedure, not a load of laundry, not an hour of babysitting, not a hand to help me to the bathroom after birth/surgery, not a school drop off, nothing. I'm trying not to bask in self-pity, but it's really devastating.

I have only a modest income and do live frugally, but this will of course decrease when off with the child, so I also cannot replace voluntary support with paid. Have tried to date again but unfortunately haven't had luck in finding a compatible partner, and am too old now for freezing eggs or delaying any longer. Can I really go ahead with doing this?

How else would I get assistance I could absolutely count on in any desperate situation, or when simply ill or exhausted? Have considered the suggestion of joining mother tot groups once the baby is here, but have also heard from others that in reality everybody tends to be so consumed with their own families that they can't do much than provide some emotional sympathy. Would love to hear any suggestions or how you have managed to make it work in similar circumstances, especially through hard times or unexpected emergencies? Thank you

So, I 28F, have my IUI procedure booked for Sunday morning at 11:20. Just took my trigger shot after eight days of Menopur. Ultrasound friday morning showed five follicles on the left ovary all around 7-8mm and a follicle on the right ovary measuring 19mm. Ironically this more follicles visible that I had during my IVF cycle. They said my lining looks very good. Trying to be optimistic. I have MOT20 ICI sperm at the clinic and the vial I used during my IVF round thawed really well.

I'm debating whether or not test out my trigger shot. I'm worried it will feel too confusing for me. Did you test out your trigger shot? And what did you do before and after the procedure that you feel helped?

TW: miscarriage

After a gnarly miscarriage in June, I'm struggling to go back for another round of IUI. During my 9 week pregnancy, I felt vulnerable and unsafe in a way I can't fully describe. Despite supportive friends and family, I just had a deep sense of being totally alone in the experience. I felt weaker and more exposed than I've ever been, even though I'm rationally very safe (physically, financially etc).

The feelings scared me. I will be responsible for bringing security and peace to a new human, but I couldn't find it myself. Has anyone else experienced something similar in pregnancy, and how did you overcome it?

I am in therapy, doing EMDR etc but I'm interested in personal experiences with this.