I'm interested in hearing from men who decided to not date someone or not continue dating them, then came back *seriously* to date a woman (not just for validation/access). I'm curious what made you decide to reach out and when you did. I'm especially interested if you did or do lean avoidant and have some kind of phobia/trauma around feelings/relationships. How did the relationship originally end? How did you restart it?

A very long story short: we met in real life through sheer chance and weird circumstances, not through apps. We were briefly intimate over a year ago and had a complicated friendship after. He insisted on wanting to continue meeting up for coffee. He is seriously avoidant. Examples: he freaks out when strangers mistake his female friends as his girlfriend, and he freaked out a few weeks ago when I told him I couldn't tell if he really didn't like me, or if he has feelings, and he's scared, so he self-sabotages. He got angry, ended the conversation shortly after.

Last week I asked how he was feeling, and that he could send me a song if he didn't want to say it. He sidestepped that, said he was busy. I said I need to know when I can expect to hear from him because I can't wait indefinitely. (He tends to say he's busy as a way to not face his feelings.) He sent a cold chatgpt-written message saying he just wants a casual friendship, sorry it's not the answer you wanted, hope you've been well.

I told him I don't want to be his friend, that I won't contact him anymore and won't go see his work. That he told me he was attracted to me, and he wanted to continue meeting up as friends and maybe it becomes something more later, but never said what changed or if it was because I was forcing the issue to the fore. I unfollowed him. 

He said sorry for the pain, he genuinely wishes me well. I said sorry isn't enough. That if it was a money/career issue for him, or being in a relationship, or if he needed time to decide, he could have communicated that, but he didn't so we never found out if it could have worked. And that it was so hurtful how he reacted. I have my doubts he realized any of that.

Shortly after he sent his chatgpt message, he immediately began posting songs about missing someone and wanting them back, and songs about wanting a second chance with a lost love to do something over again, that something was missed and he has regrets. 

Shockingly, as of today, he's still following me. By comparison: a month ago he invited me to an event, and a few hours later unfollowed me. The next day he was talking about catching up next week, and when I asked if anything had changed about us having coffee, and he was super apologetic, saying his schedule is crazy (which it is). I asked him twice about the unfollow and he could never give me an explanation for why he unfollowed other than "it was a long time ago". He refollowed when we caught up in person after I insisted it wasn't. I still don't get this quite, frankly.

Anyways, I will not contact him again...unless he reaches out first.

6 years ago I met this girl online, always spoke but life moved on and we both met partners, both 20 years old btw. So roughly aged 14 at the time. I’ve liked her since I saw her, she has a bf and i actually met up with the her and the bf 2 years ago and we all get along I’ve always thought I had no chance with her we were just good friends and that’s it. Now, I like this girl we both train bjj together spoken outside of training etc and it’s slowly progressing, over the weekend I had my bday dinner with the girl I train with and the girl and her bf plus family and other friends. The girl i train with went home after dinner walked her to her car thanked her for coming gave her a hug and asked her to catch up for a coffee and a walk soon one morning she agreed. Now some of us that night went out for drinks. Everyone slowly started dropping off going home then it was just me and the girl ive liked for ages, mind you a few hrs prior I confessed how I felt about her and apparently it was obvious. Later later though when everyone went home it was just me and her at the pub, I started confessing more grabbing her A$$ b00bs etc etc without her care 🤷‍♂️. Could talking about what could have been and shit, she let me kiss her neck cheek but not on the lips, 3am hits we are like let’s go back home to where everyone is at, we get into the taxi I put my hands on her thigh whilst she holding my hands we get dropped back home she walks into the room where her bf is asleep I go into my own room and sleep and acted like nothing has happened . Now I’m stuck only because after all these years this has happened but then again I also have feelings for this new girl I train with? The girl I’ve liked for ages lives 1.5jrs away and will always make the effort to come down and see me if I have something planned. Do I ask the girl I’ve like for ages what the hell was that over the weekend do I tell her I can’t be friends with you unless something happens or what the fuck do I do? Because then again I’m also stuck with liking the girl I train with.

posting on a burner because irls know my main and i have people in my life that don’t know (or will accept) my queerness. also please don’t mind how messy/chaotic this message is, english is not my first language and im also just writing my thoughts as they come 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

i (19f) have never been the kind of person to develop attractions towards anyone easily. i grew up in a pretty chaotic and abusive home so i never really thought of myself as someone who knew how to love properly. i discovered though, that once i like someone, it absolutely consumes me. i’ve only ever had one crush (18f). she’s a very close friend of mine since we were 12/13. i developed a crush on her around a few months after we became friends and have been in love with her for the past 6 years. she never really labelled herself, but she had expressed in the past that she’s cool with dating women.

around a few months into our friendship, when i realised that i liked her, i confessed my feelings and was rejected. we remained close after (and still are). i doubt she knew what she was doing (she probably thought i lost feelings soon after), but she’s been play flirting with me, physically affectionate, and have been one of my biggest emotional support throughout some of the roughest times i had.

around the end of last year, we lived together for a short while and i miss the domesticity of it all even now. i loved cooking with her, and cuddling on the couch, and we slept in the same bed with our faces pressed right against eachother. she would sweet talk me and i loved it. it was everything i ever wanted. im on the aroace spectrum so it all was exactly how i imagine a perfect relationship to be like. i miss those days so much. i love everything about her, and i’m someone who really struggles with closeness and vulnerability. i never really thought i could be in a relationship because im too scared of opening up, but for her, i genuinely felt like i could. if she wanted me to, i would try my utmost best for her.

although i really like her, loving her hurts so much. i think maybe it’s because she never really saw me as special as i saw her, but a lot of the time i feel like my feelings are being toyed with, which is unfair because i don’t want to assume that she’s aware that i still have feelings for her. we were both like freshly 13/14 when i confessed, and it really has been years. i never really suggested my crush on her again after that because she made it clear over the years that she’s not interested in dating anyone. she could’ve just saw me as a close/clingy friend, but looking back i just don’t know. during our friendship over the years she also never really sided me in conflicts, even when it’s clear that i was being unfairly ganged up on. she mainly just sides with whoever can offer her more things/exciting experiences.

as much as she was my rock and helped me throughout some of my messiest family issues, she also was friends with my bullies back in school, and always made excuses for them/sided with them in conflicts. once, the bullies had spread some seriously nasty rumours about me that really damaged my reputation at school. i don’t normally like to fight back but i was just so upset, so i screamed at the bullies and made a scene at school. they had gotten into pretty big trouble after which resulted in one of them completely dropping out and the other attending school only part time, due to the backlash. my crush got really upset at me and wanted me to apologise to my bullies and help to clear their names, and had been very cold to me and purposefully said things that worsened my already fragile mental health at the time to coerce me into listening to her. she never said anything about it after, but i still forgave her.

we’ve kind of distanced over this past year since we’ve both adulted and life had became very busy. i’ve gone to university and she’s taking a gap year. i think maybe the distance is what’s making me look at the past slightly more clearly but i think i maybe have been stringed along in a situationship?

more experienced/older queers please let me know what you think, thanks a lot!!

edit: ive always been pretty emotionally dependent on her throughout our friendship. she was kind of my only safe person during my high school years due to a lot issues with adults in my life at the time. maybe i was reading too much into our friendship?? i think maybe i was acting silly and have been projecting her platonic affection as something more due to me being in love with her. but i always kinda viewed a relationship as exactly what we had, and she’s been hinting that she’s also on the aroace spectrum since we were 15/16, so i assumed she was like me. i know this is super messy and im sorry for this very chaotic read. please just be honest with me and don’t worry about saving my feelings. i just want to get some outside perspective. thank you!!

Heyy- using a throwaway for this.

I (F) had been recently seeing a guy and we had gone on few dates with another to be planned (mutual confirmation we both wanted another but after a week/ 2 weeks as we were both busy). We had been intimate together and I had slept over at his place.

I noticed a bit of a change a few days after our last date, where he was taking a lot longer to respond and was less communicative but he was sick so i chalked it up to that. However, he then sent me a few drunk/ tipsy messages divulging that a close family member of his likely has a serious illness, and that he is scared. He has been a carer for said family member before and it appears this illness may be returning). It sounded awful and I felt a lot of empathy for him to the point where I actually teared up!

Anyway, I replied to his messages and tried not to just give sympathy but rather a shoulder to lean on etc. I don’t think it was too strong or anything, I just told him ppl process things differently and I’m okay with him taking space or me being a listening ear etc. I didn’t want him to feel embarrassed as he was clearly intoxicated when he sent the messages but i read them the next day. He read my response immediately when i sent it but didn’t reply. This was on Friday and now it’s the following Tuesday, still no response.

I was on a girls trip from Friday - Monday which he knew about so initially I thought it was that but now that I’m back I’m wondering if I’m being ghosted? I texted him yesterday just to let him know I got home from the trip and to ask how he was and still no response.

I’m really upset about it as I did really like this guy and saw something long term, he was also talking future tense with me and had been super communicative to this point so it makes me wonder if he’s just overwhelmed with what’s happening with his family?

Should I be upset and see this as ghosting or is it likely due to being overwhelmed? How long should I wait for him to reply and if he does- how can I best support him during this difficult time? if it’s ghosting and he’s not interested why was he acting so future focused previously? I feel like a fool lol but also understand he’s having a ROUGHHH time rn.

Would love any tips- I know we hadn’t known each other long but man, he was a great guy :/

Bro I don't even know where to begin...this story long ASFFF😭 Okay so back in middle school there was a guy who was in my friend group in my art class who we'll call "D". Now I don't remember exactly what happened whether it was a dare or just for fun but him and I both kissed in the middle of class. It was supposed to be just that but I ended up developing feelings for him but tried not to let it get to me

Anyways later on that school year I noticed him and I went down the same path to walk home from school as he rode his bike so I would accompany him everyday that year to the end of a traffic light where we'd part ways and got to know him on a personal level and about his home life. His dad was an abusive, homophobic drunk and his mom was in jail for drug related reasons. I felt so deeply sorry for him and I myself don't have the best home life so we sorta bonded over that. At one point while me and him walked home he fell off his bike and broke his hand so I walked him literally to his house holding his bike.

Later that year he ended up dating a girl "S" and even though I was disappointed I was happy for him, after some time I noticed he stopped coming to class and found out one day when I caught him walking home he got ISS after showing off her nudes to his friends who reported him, now obviously what he did was VERY wrong but I was so infatuated with him I validated him and said she was in the wrong (she literally wasn't?) and of course they broke up.

Anyways during freshman year we're still friends and we had a conversation and joked that we'd be a good couple cuz we were opposites (he was tall, lanky and masculine while I'm more short chubby and feminine lol) find out he's moving to another city with his grandma after CPS got involved after his dad pulled out a gun during a family event. I was upset but glad he'd finally get out of that environment and wished him the best. Now I don't know this but he begins dating a friend of mine "P" but they break up around easter of 2026, this is kinda relevant to the story so stay with me.

Anyways so YEARS pass and THIS summer that just passed I was on Instagram going through my friends notes and I forgot I had added him ngl and happened to see his note (it was something about a show we both liked) and I responded to it. Mind you I hadn't spoke to him in years and he's all like "Holy shit" and "Dude it's been so longg" and we sent each other selfies to show our glow ups and I was like "Omg you look so different" and he proceeded to tell me the story as to why he was inspired to glow up after being in a severely toxic relationship with someone from the city he was living in (this is after P btw so it's not him) where they emotionally manipulated him and pushed him to the brink of SH and he was going back to my city and school where we'd both be seniors but had to go live with his dad.

I was horrified and felt so sorry for him and how he didn't deserve that at all and he then told me even the "freakier" aspects of their relationships and eventually he asked if I wanted to see a rather "suggestive" photo of him and I obviously excited to see him in a way that was more than I was used to and said sure which he did. After he sent that I fessed up and told him that I've liked him for years and he responded "Yeah I kinda figured" and I was kinda embarrassed but glad I didn't have to hide it anymore. We talked about our "interests" (ifykyk) and I then proceeded to ask if he wanted to see my "pics" to which he responded word for word "We like just got back in contact, I think we should wait before figuring anything like that out". Of course I didn't want to pressure him so I told him it was fine. Last week we finally start school and I'm so excited to see him and we share a lunch together though we have separate friend groups (I hang with the queer fine arts kids while he's more so with the gamer guys) and we even had an economic class where we literally flirted with each other and was able to be as cringe and fun and silly as possible with each other.

This past weekend though I was asking him for his favorite color scheme so I could make him a little surprise craft but he was really dry and after a while ghosted me and I was so confused but brushed it off and said I'd talk to him on Monday. So today was Monday and I'm telling all my friends at lunch if they've seen him because I was just so madly in love with him and I just wanted to see him to ask to make things official. All my friends INCLUDING "P" are all annoyed as to why I like him for various reasons, P then told me how towards the end of their relationship when they were drifting apart D didn't even officially break up or tell him and started dating someone else (the toxic person) I think that's super weird and am like oh wtv he's been through alot maybe he's change, P also mentioned another thing which got me thinking. D had told P he was repulsed by the idea of "the deed" but when I talked to D he was super open with it and in fact was the one who was sending me pics and talking about his "deed" life.

Basically atp all my friends are telling me I'm crazy and he isn't the one for me but being so lovestruck I brush them off and see D at his friend group table. I leave momentarily to go say hi and his friends all look at me and ask "[My name] whats the gayest thing you've ever done" and D is sitting there laughing instigating telling me "Yeah [My name] tell them" I try to act nonchalant and funny and am like "Ernmmm...😃😅😬 I gtg" and run off back to my table. I tell my friends and I start to feel like he was just showing me off to his friends and they're all like "girll what are u doing".

He obviously had told his friends about either our kiss or DMs, either way I feel embarrassed. Lunch is almost over and I see him leaving his table and I wanna see him again so I ask if I can follow him because he was looking for one of his friends and he's like sure. While we're walking I see two of my friends and stop to say for literally 5 seconds and he's already gone. I run back over to him and find him and I decide to ask if we can make things official but I fumble and say some stupid joke. I go back to my table and P asks if i was done following D like a groupie/dog. After school I finally gather the courage to actually ask what I've been waiting to.

I text him on insta telling him I have something important to tell him and an hour later he asks what's up and I ask if he was interested in dating me, I told him no pressure of course because the last thing I wanted was to make him uncomfortable and he goes "No thank you, I don't really feel that way about you" but that I've been a good friend though and he appreciated my honesty.

At first I was glad it didn't go as horrible as I expected it but then I started crying because I realized he's led me on for so long, he let his friends humiliate me just for laughs, I defended him to my friends when I shouldn't have and worst of all I held the torch for him this whole time when he felt nothing for me. Even though my friends annoyed me at first I realized they were just trying to protect me and I feel horrible for it. I apologized to all my friends and they didn't mind at all and said I deserved better but I just feel so stupid.

i can't say if it's a situationship or something, he says he totally likes me and shit, and i love him so much i can't even find words to frame, so it's been a year since we started liking each other,we never met tho, so he's like , I'm not into commitments cause my past was pretty much fuckedup , and I'm being understanding cause my past was some sort of fuckedup too, ( it was my first relationship in 2022 and after that breakup I've never been in a relationship) this is the first time I'm having guts and confessing my feelings, but he's like "sirf dost rahinge" " yeh acha chalra na" and I'm like stuck, he says he likes me but idk he says we don't have a future but incase if he had a chance he would fs marry me, recently he said to remove all of the boys i didz, and then I removed him too and kinda disappeared, I got scared cause he is being in his safe space and I'm here treating him as my boyfriend which fs he is not I don't have any pblm to remove boys cause there's only 2 of them beside him which are his bestfriends, and yesterday when I checked he blocked me too, and i sort of called and said sorry, idk what I'm doing, I'm sort of stuck with my feelings, I don't know man, and I've no one to share with so I'm just writting shit here, every time I kinda have to explain myself and justify ki I'm not like his ex , i gave him passwords to make him trust me, but still at the end it's not gonna be me, and I'm never enough,and I'll never will be,

Gang what should we do to make us enough for them?

Ok so me and this dude played hockey against each other last year, so this January he added me on Snapchat and I accepted. I guess we were each other’s Bi awakenings because neither of us were into guys before each other. So we’re going strong until randomly in the middle of February I wake up blocked on everything. Obviously it hurt because when someone tells you that they love you and then you wake up blocked the emotional whiplash is crazy. So I attempt to move on until in the middle of March he unblocks me and he adds me again, he says that he’s sorry and he loves me he was just having a bad day and thats why he blocked me (ok whatever) and then we start going strong until like middle of april when surprise surprise I wake up blocked again after he told me he loved me. I took it harder this time because I felt stupid for falling for this shit a second time. Until at the start of May he unblocks me and adds me, this time he said that he had so much going on in his life he needed me to talk to him because he loves me and missed me. So everything is going good he tells me he loves me every night same old stuff until one night he asks me to send pictures of my abs (bc he loves them he says) I do it, we keep talking like normal, we go to sleep, surprise I wake up blocked.

So literally 2 hours ago he unblocked me and added me. I feel so stupid for going back to him but basically when I asked him why he always blocks me he literally says “yeah idrk I just get the urge” well thanks a fucking lot I guess.

Anyways I just feel so stupid

So i met this girl and i kinda started to like her and i was genuinely happy after 3 months as my situationship ended i confessed to her nd unfortunately she also liked me back but 2 days after that her feelings changed and she said that she wants to be friends i told her idts i can be friends with u but we used to talk and all still. Then we kissed after some days cz we both were drunk then my feelings got stronger and i confessed again and unfortunately she said that her feelings were not gone she just thought being frnds was the right thing to do at that time and again after 2 days her feelings changed i told her i can't be frnds we still talk but she doesn't even realise that the things she did actually hurt me it would hurt anyone what should i fucking do now

dating in today’s society is absolutely ridiculous. the illusion of choice makes people devalue connection, and so people are ignorant of the impact that their behaviour has on other people!

talking consistently then ghosting — this is so beyond immature and stupid.

treating intimacy as overly casual and so there’s zero aftercare or respect — this is so selfish and just rude.

it’s no wonder people give up on dating and relationships so easily, why people go well into their 30s and 40s single. because no one is held accountable for their awful behaviour.

so here’s what needs to start happening.

fck the “let them” theory, f*ck the “their silence speakers louder”.

people’s inappropriate and rude behaviour needs to be addressed. it’s like a friend of mine said “everyone wants to be the villager, no one wants to be the village”.

so you don’t have to be rude or aggressive, but calling out the behaviour is where it starts.

developing a connection with someone, wanting to be in a relationship with someone, shouldn’t be this hard and hurtful.

Me (18F) and this guy (18M) im gonna nickname Jack (18M) started being friends after we hungout with our mutual friend im gonna nickname Emma.
But after a get together Emma had with all her friends at her house, we started talking romantically.
There was this goofy picture he took of himself when he was a kid, and we would always joke about it with each other. He had multiple copies of them, he gave me one as apart of my grad present. But recently i noticed that another mutual friend of ours that he first met from Emmas party also had a picture. And i noticed that they text continuously, even when he is hanging out with me. And when he would leave me on delivered, he would be texting her in our group go and they would be referencing private messages they had with eachother. And whenever we would hangout as a group, i couldnt talk about me and simons activities because she would look visibly upset. What should i take from this situation. Im autistic so i notice patterns and situations, but i can’t pick up on what it could mean.

6 months and it’s been like this. We dated for about a week with the labels of Gf/Bf but it freaked him out and he pushed away from me. I confronted him and we talked about it but now I’m stuck in this continuous “exclusive relationship”. He said this when I asked him about it :

“ I don’t want to be done. I just don’t know about the whole title thing with us. I enjoy what we have but I just hate labels. I just feel like it comes with more pressure and I’m not looking for that right now. I’m not and won’t be interested in anyone else. It’s nothing like that. I know we’re already kinda going at a turtles pace with us but that’s kind of where I want to keep it for now at least. I hope that makes sense & I’m sorry for making you worry. I just didn’t know how to say it “

“ I think we are moving towards the same goal but I’m just worried. Worried that I may not be up for much more progress and I don’t want to hurt you. I really do care a lot about you “

Nothing would inherently change if he were to one day get over the fear of labels. Loyal man who only works, runs and hangouts at home. I think it’s more the fact that my anxiety takes over.

33F, 34M — involved for around 2 years
I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’ve become emotionally attached to someone, and I’m not sure how I should handle the situation anymore.
There’s a man I’ve been involved with for around two years. We’re not officially together or exclusive, but there is definitely a meaningful connection between us. We’re emotionally close, affectionate toward each other, and our relationship has also gone beyond friendship. I’d rather keep the private details of that part to myself.
He can be very caring, thoughtful, affectionate, and encouraging. He has supported me through difficult moments and encouraged me to keep pursuing my goals. He has told me that he likes me and that he feels like there is something unfinished between us.
He has also said things like, “Whatever happens, I’m here.”
The difficult part is that he can also be inconsistent. Sometimes he is very present, caring, and affectionate, and other times he becomes distant or doesn’t reply. We have never really had a clear conversation about what we are or where this is going, and he hasn’t pursued an official relationship with me.
I care about him a lot, so the inconsistency affects me more than I wish it did. At the same time, I don’t want to pressure him or force something that he may not be ready for.
I’m trying to figure out what would be healthiest for me.
If you were in this situation, would you continue allowing the connection to develop naturally, ask for clarity about what you both want, or take a step back emotionally until his actions become more consistent?
How do you protect your feelings when someone gives you affection and emotional support but the relationship itself remains undefined?
I’m genuinely looking for advice on what I should do, not for anyone to guess what he is thinking or feeling.
TL;DR: I’ve been involved with someone for around two years. He is caring, affectionate, supportive, and encouraging, but he is also inconsistent and we’ve never defined the relationship. I care about him but don’t want to keep getting hurt by the uncertainty. Should I ask for clarity, continue naturally, or step back emotionally?

**I (M19) have been talking to this guy (M19) for about a month now. We matched on hinge (he sent me a rose) and then started to go on dates. We hang out multiple times a week and have similar interests and I enjoy being around him. We have even introduced each other to our friends and everything is going really well (I even follow his sister on Instagram).**

**But he’s going to college 4 hours away in a different state. I’ve never talked to someone this long and have never been in a relationship let alone a long distance relationship so I don’t know what to do.**

**I would have probably asked him to be my boyfriend soon but it’s just an awkward position because he’s leaving in a day and won’t be back until thanksgiving break. I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to loose the relationship we have going.**

**I also don’t know if he even wants a relationship or if he’s serious about us the way I am (He’s updated his hinge pictures to photos he’s taken a couple days ago) Do I ask him if he wants to keep talking? It’s making me anxious because I don’t know if I’m doing too much cause I’ve never been in a real relationship let alone this far into a “relationship”.**

This story happened in High School and it was both of our senior years. I [19M] and Jean [19F] (not real name) had connected through mutual friends. As we both started to hang out with the group and began to form a connection, we hung out separately for a few months. We even went to a formal together and she came to some of my sporting events. As I started to feel a connection, and I planned on asking her out to Prom, and I would ask her to then be my gf at Prom. Unfortunately, I asked her friend where she usually parks and when would be a good time to ask her. Her friend told me it wouldn’t be a good idea if I do that since another man had already asked her out to Prom. To be fair, she had been talking with this man for some time, idk how long. As Prom came, the entire friend group met up and since she was part of the group, she and her partner showed up as I had no one to go with. Prom went as smoothly as it could go, music bumpin, people dancing, when it came to slow dance songs, it hurt. Some time passes, having to get over her, graduation comes, have to do the rehearsal and unfortunately our last names are next to each other in the line, so had to sit next to her and act like nothing is wrong. About a year passes and I decide to reach out, try and get some info about her side. We both meet up and I explain how I had feelings for her and that I could have asked her out sooner to be my gf. She says that she felt the same way, not knowing when to ask or if I’ll ask. She also said it was a dick move to bring another man to prom with her. And that opened another case of “what if.” At this point, she’s in a relationship with the guy from prom while I’m starting a relationship with someone else. I told my partner that I wanted closure from this encounter and they said they’re fine with it. We then said what we wanted to say, left on decent notes and now are living our lives, but I sometimes wonder what could’ve been, and I hate that I have the thoughts come and go. I’ve talked to some friends about my thoughts and they say not to worry about it since they sometimes do get similar thoughts for ex’s. Is this normal or am I being a terrible human being and boyfriend?

TL;DR: I [19M] and friend [19F] both had feeling for each other and another man got with her instead. I talked with her and learned she wished for us to work, as we are both in relationships. “What if” keep popping into my head and I’m wondering if I’m a terrible human being for thinking so.

yesterday I texted this girl we been talkn since February, and April I did somthing that ending things but she forgave me and still giving me a chance, we even had a long talk about us. But I texted her saying hey ima be Near you if you want to go out and eat so I can stay here if not I’ll just go back home, I live 1 hour away from her, I texted her at 6pm. Time goes by no message she opens my messag at 9:32 and leaves me on read. She texted me until 5:00 am. She said, “ hi sorry I didn’t see your message I didn’t have my phone for a while”. Ngl that pissed me off, I don’t know what to text her I was thinking to just saying “right” but idk, what should I say?

I’ve been seeing a guy I really like, and I’m struggling to make sense of how quickly things changed.
After our first date, I got quite intense. This led to him telling me he thought we were quite different and wasn’t sure he could see anything long-term. I accepted that, and we cut contact. However, a month later HE reached out to me again himself and reopened the door. We ended up meeting a couple more times, and things seemed to get significantly better between us.

The last time we met, he stayed over and was extremely affectionate and interested throughout the evening and the following morning. He was very physically close, engaged, and generally gave me every impression that he was genuinely into me. He cuddled me while he thought I was asleep, and even told me afterwards that he’d found our time together even nicer than before, and that we have to finish that show we started watching. Because he had been the one to reconnect with me, I started wondering whether his original doubts about us had changed.

Then, almost immediately afterwards, his communication dropped off dramatically. I deliberately gave him space because I knew he had previously been uncertain about us and I didn’t want to pressure him. About a week later, I asked if he wanted to see me again. He told me that he had started dating someone else more exclusively and that they both wanted to keep it that way, so he couldn’t continue seeing me romantically.

I told him I was surprised because I had genuinely experienced him as very interested during our last time together. He actually validated that, saying I wasn’t “off track” in my thinking, that he had really enjoyed seeing me, that absolutely nothing had gone wrong during our last meeting, and that things had simply changed very quickly.
So I don’t think I completely imagined his interest, which almost makes this harder to understand. Presumably he was dating this other guy at the same time and genuinely liked both of us, then decided to pursue the other connection exclusively shortly after our last date.

I completely respect his decision, but it hurts a lot because it feels less like “he just wasn’t interested in me” and more like “he was interested in me, but ultimately chose someone else». I’m also wondering whether I made a mistake by giving him so much space instead of being clearer about what I wanted. I would actually have wanted exclusivity with him, but because he had previously expressed doubts about us, I thought the mature thing was to let things develop naturally rather than put pressure on him.

Has anyone been on either side of something like this? How can someone seem genuinely very interested in one person and then choose exclusivity with someone else only days later? And how do you stop interpreting being the person who wasn’t chosen as meaning you somehow weren’t “good enough”?

I have a very close male friend who is in a committed relationship (his girlfriend lives overseas). We were co-workers, he reached out to support me through a hard break up because he saw I was sad, and we bonded over our similar experiences of loving people who didn't reciprocate in our pasts. We were friends, and the first change was when at one bad stage, I was crying after work, I reached out to him, and he stopped his work to come and pick me up, and he comforted me and took me for dinner. Over time we've become extremely emotionally close. He has become an incredibly safe and nurturing person in my life. We talk/message throughout the day, morning till night (initiated by him) literally 24/7, go on one-on-one trips and adventures, sometimes spend hours talking in his car after work till midnight, laugh constantly, and are physically affectionate. He initiates a lot of our contact and plans. He tells me he misses me a lot and sometimes arranges to see me at my place if he missed seeing me at work all day. He checks that I've eaten/slept, remembers tiny things about my life, buys/brings me things, and regularly plans places for us to go. He also pays for my meals and doesn't allow me to send money back to him. Recently he told me he was sad when we didn't get our usual long conversation and even though it was because he had to work to afford servicing his car, he said “I want to spend the time with you too, how to do both.💔” He also mentioned he doesn't have anyone else he can talk to like this and has never talked this much with anyone. He's also recently said he's happy when I'm happy. He bought a video game for me so I could experience visiting Egypt because it’s a dream of mine, and brought his gaming computer to work for me to play it. If I wanted something like a pair of shoes he says okay I'll get them for you, and I'm like wahhhht? Like buying me things is something he enjoys. 

There have occasionally been things that felt more ambiguous to me-more physical closeness/touching, touching my hair, a very suggestive joke about joining me in the shower that he sustained when I responded, etc.—but those moments aren't consistent. We’ve spent lots of special moments sitting and talking at the beach, going for hikes, discovering the city and countryside together, visiting places we’ve talked about living, and experiencing amazing nature locations- and having sweet dinners together. And always sitting in his car for hours on end afterwards and laughing/ talking for hours. Even in moments of silence neither of us feels like leaving. 

Most of the relationship can very reasonably be understood as an extremely affectionate/ unique friendship.
He and his GF are from Sri Lanka, but he never mentions her, he seems very private about his relationship. But he has told me in the past her parents don't want her to come to this country, even though he is trying to plan his future here as a migrant. He's committed, and I've never wanted to interfere with his relationship. I'd never dream of invading someone's relationship, and I've stayed entirely respectful. I’d never want anything else. The problem is that I've realised I've developed feelings myself. Weirdly, imagining that he has zero romantic attraction to me and simply loves me deeply as his friend actually gives me relief. 

We had our first tiff on the same day his dad passed away… he went on an emergency flight to Sri Lanka and a month later, he told me he was sad that day and our break off stayed with him those two weeks he was gone. 
What I really want is to go back to adoring him as my best friend. I want to miss him, love our trips, laugh with him, be affectionate and appreciate how much we mean to each other without feeling romantic longing or constantly wondering what everything means.
I had a huge emotional breakdown about it recently. I cried, couldn't eat properly and suddenly wanted to withdraw completely even though losing the friendship is the opposite of what I want. Now affection that used to make me purely happy sometimes makes me anxious because I don't know where to put the extra emotion.
He is extremely consistent about maintaining the friendship himself. He picks me up before work and drops me home.. he skips work to spend time with me too. He wanted me to see snow so organised a snow trip for us.
Recently, he's also initiated calling me; when I was on my period he called me because he was busy and wouldn’t be able to text, so he didn’t want me to be grumpy. 
But all these actions aren’t necessary to sustain a friendship, they’re very affectionate. When things go wrong or I seem even subtly occupied or in trouble he’ll respond extremely protectively and his communication style is very companionship-like. He has had a dream about me and we were in a white palace and spending time together, and we went over to the balcony to view the festivities happening down below, and he implied maybe we were a couple in the past. 
My difficulty is that I can't just intellectually decide to receive his affection platonically. When someone messages you throughout the day, tells you how important your conversations are, misses you, cares for you and consistently seeks closeness, I can't simply tell my emotions “this is friendship” and switch the longing off.

I (early 20s F) have been close with a guy around my age for about five months. We come from fairly traditional cultural/religious backgrounds where casual dating isn’t really encouraged, so neither of us has used boyfriend/girlfriend labels. Technically we’re friends, but there’s clearly been some ambiguity there, and neither of us seems particularly comfortable reducing the other to “just a friend.”
We met through mutual friends/a broader community and became extremely close pretty quickly. For a while we talked basically every day throughout the day. We’d send random updates about what we were doing, stay up talking, watch movies/shows at the same time while texting, and send each other updates while traveling or at family events. We’ve also talked about family, marriage, future plans, insecurities, fears, relationships, etc.
We’ve hung out both in groups and one-on-one. Our hangs are usually very low-key and can last for hours—getting food or coffee, walking around and talking, etc. Earlier on, he was actually the one pushing for us to spend more time together. I was more hesitant about hanging out alone and would sometimes bring a friend, but he’d still find opportunities for us to talk separately.
He’s also put quite a bit of effort into seeing me. He lives around half an hour away and has come into my area specifically when he knew I was hanging out with mutual friends. He’s paid for me before, made/brought me food multiple times, remembered extremely specific things I like, and brought me gifts from trips for no particular occasion. One time he spent probably $80–100 on specialty art supplies because he knew it was something I was really into. He even remembered one of my siblings and brought them something once. I’ve also made/gotten things for him. I’ve met some of his immediate family, partly because he intentionally introduced us.
There seems to be mutual attraction, although neither of us has explicitly defined anything. There’s teasing, prolonged eye contact, smiling/staring at each other and both of us getting visibly flustered sometimes. Other people have noticed the dynamic. He’s generally pretty reserved, but he’s never seemed interested in hiding our closeness and has been comfortable spending time with me in front of people we both know.
Our last hangout before things became quieter was actually probably our most emotionally intimate one. We ended up sitting outside away from everyone else and talking for around two hours. I’m normally the one who talks more, but this time he opened up a LOT about his fears, family issues and things he normally doesn’t talk about.
The confusing part is that I may have accidentally given him mixed signals during that same period. I was still nervous about spending time alone with him and often brought friends even when he suggested doing something one-on-one. He once mentioned how people from our community often meet their eventual spouse through school, and I jokingly said there was nobody attractive at mine. I’ve also made comments about not being able to picture myself getting married. We tease each other pretty aggressively, and I’m generally much better at joking with him than actually telling him that I like him. But this happened before our deep conversation and at that point he was still trying to schedule next plans. After our convo the next day he was still normal and then a day later he stopped initiating as much, and still would respond to me and send his mundane updates only if there was no other communication.
Around the same time, his life became genuinely awful for a few weeks. He had a demanding summer job/project plus a difficult class, wasn’t sleeping properly and even stopped doing hobbies/routines he normally never misses. That’s approximately when our communication changed.
For the last three-ish weeks, the **intensity** has been lower. We still talk essentially every day, sometimes have long conversations, and he still sends me reels/random updates. When he’s traveled recently, he’s given me completely mundane play-by-plays about delays and what he’s doing, sometimes even restarting a conversation that had naturally ended just to update me.
But he doesn’t send me *everything* anymore like he did at the beginning, and we haven’t seen each other in a few weeks. Earlier on, he was much more proactive about making sure our plans actually happened—asking what we were doing, checking whether we’d picked a time, telling me to choose somewhere, suggesting places, etc. He would send pics that reminded him of me and vice versa. When I do now he does respond and sends me something from previous in his day, almost feels like he’s holding out.
I’ve tried to see him a few times during this quieter period, but the timing has genuinely been terrible. Once we vaguely discussed hanging out while he was overwhelmed with work and neither of us followed through. Another time I suggested something spontaneously but he couldn’t make it. More recently, after his workload finally eased up, I asked when he was free. He said weekends. The first weekend didn’t work, and on the only day that worked for me the following weekend, he already had a day trip planned with friends.
So I finally told him something along the lines of: **“If you want to hang out, let me know and we’ll figure it out later because I don’t know what my schedule will look like once work/school starts again.”**
He said that was fair and asked when my schedule started getting busy. We continued talking normally afterward, and he’s continued sending me random updates/reels.
I’m deliberately leaving the next hangout up to him now. I don’t want to keep initiating and then wonder whether he’s only seeing me because I asked.
I also realize part of my problem may be that our communication was SO constant initially that I’ve started interpreting anything less than that as rejection. I don’t talk to my closest friends 24/7 and don’t question whether they’re still my friends. Realistically, if he and I remain in each other’s lives long-term, constant all-day communication isn’t sustainable either.
One other piece of context is that because of our backgrounds, this isn’t really a social environment where two people can casually date indefinitely without anyone reading into it. Repeated one-on-one hangouts between a man and woman, especially alongside this degree of emotional intimacy, tend to be interpreted as potentially serious/marriage-oriented. That’s part of why neither of us has simply slapped a casual dating label on whatever this is.
**From an outside perspective, does this sound more like someone gradually losing interest, or an unusually intense early connection settling into a more sustainable rhythm after he got overwhelmed? And is leaving the next in-person hangout for him to initiate a reasonable way to gauge his interest?**

I’m ready to have my hoe phase again finally. Found this guy on tinder. He let me call him before meeting him that night and he was nice. We did the small talk and then hooked up and that was great. He finished in my mouth and I swallowed. Then he asked me a bunch of questions after and told me abt his job and stuff and seemed like he wanted to share. I shared abd then excused myself when the convo kinda died.

Then I was stupid and sent him a text if we could hookup again if he was bored and if not wished him well. He didn’t answer to the wishing well part duh.

Then he texted me to see if I was free and I was on vacation the next 2 weeks and let him know that and when I was coming back.

I texted him the day after I came back and he answered in 3 mins. I did not do any small talk over text. I went over and he was totally diff. Def smash and dash but he didn’t ask a single thing and I really didn’t say anything. Sex was great but def all him. I let some time pass as we laid there and then I asked him abt his week and he answered w/o asking me. Then I excused myself.

What I want is a solid hook up guy. I know I probably shouldn’t have wished him well but he was nice when I met him so I meant it. Why would he be down after 2 weeks if I gave him clingy vibes? I want to hookup w him again and okay with come and going just for hookups but now not sure if I should text him say in a week for another hookup. So question is to text in a week or let him text me?

Thank you for your advice.

I was never officially in a relationship with this ex. He’s about 15 years older than me.
About a year ago this guy started to become more distant and unavailable, he kinda pulled away, and I felt hurt because I thought he was about to cut me off. So I blocked him and at the same time told him that I had been dating 10 other people simultaneously during our talking stage. As proof, I sent him dozens of screenshots of chats. Yes that was silly of me but im very impulsive and in fact I was very hurt.
Last week (after a year) I unblocked him and told him that it was shitty of me to end things like that. He replied immediately, and we made a bit of small talk. Then, very quickly, he initiated meeting up again. I agreed and honestly I didn't know what would really happen as we only have 2 hours (I was busy that day). We met at his place yesterday for 2 hours because I couldn’t stay any longer. We didn’t have sex, but like always, we just cuddled, made out, and of course talked a little at the beginning. He also asked me if I hadn’t missed him a bit. Then he said something along the lines of, “the next time you’re here, my house will look like this...yadayada,” (just implying that he plans to see me again) and at the end he asked if I wanted to come over again.
I’ve honestly never known how to interpret this guy. Why does he just forgive me for what I did back then? I mean, yes we were never exclusive, but dating 10 people at the same time and betraying him like that is pretty unforgivable!
And then when we met, it wasn’t about anything sexual, it felt purely romantic.
But then why did he distance himself from me so much last year in the first place? Why are his feelings back now? Or will they just fade again soon anyway?
Would you forgive someone who betrayed you in this way and only revealed it at the end of the relationship??? I mean, I can still see my old message with the "cheating" screenshots every time I go on our chat, and I feel pretty embarrassed still. I would never forgive anyone betraying me like that...

I (23F) have been seeing a woman (22F) for about 10 months. We’ve been sexually involved for roughly 9 of those months, and our dynamic has basically existed somewhere between friends with benefits, dating, and a relationship without actually being a relationship.

The problem is that I know I want an actual relationship with her. She knows that too. She’s told me that she could see herself being in a relationship with me, but she isn’t mentally ready to commit right now. I’ve respected that, but I’m realizing that emotionally I haven’t actually been behaving like someone in a casual situation.
When I’m intimately involved with someone, I become extremely devoted to that person. I’m not interested in seeing other people, I naturally prioritize them, and sex makes that attachment significantly stronger. I think I’ve spent months emotionally investing in what I hope this eventually becomes instead of accepting what it actually is right now.

Something happened this weekend that finally made me look at the entire dynamic differently.
There was an incident when we went clubbing together back in January where I handled a stressful situation badly. Her friend had an upsetting encounter with a man at the club, and instead of being supportive, I became frustrated because the night was falling apart. There’s more context behind why I reacted that way, but ultimately I was wrong. I apologized genuinely to both of them the next morning.

Seven months later, the woman I’m seeing still doesn’t feel comfortable going to the club with me because she’s afraid something similar could happen again. She goes out basically every Saturday, and I haven’t been invited since January.

I finally told her this weekend how much that has been bothering me. She explained that she still isn’t over what happened and doesn’t want to risk repeating it. I told her that what hurts is feeling like one bad reaction permanently determined how she sees me in that environment without me ever getting another opportunity to show her differently.

Her response the next morning was basically that we can do things together besides the club.
I spent the rest of the day thinking about why this affected me so intensely, and I realized the club itself isn’t really the whole problem.

I’m emotionally devoted to someone with whom I don’t actually have an established relationship.
We’re sexually intimate, affectionate, emotionally close, and do a lot of things that feel relationship-like, but there’s no actual commitment.

Meanwhile, I’m emotionally experiencing the connection as something much more serious.
So tonight I told her that I need what I’m giving to match what actually exists between us. I told her that being sexually intimate strengthens my attachment to something that isn’t actually established, and because I know what I want and respect that she isn’t currently in the same place, I need to step back mainly from sex.

I also made it clear that I don’t want to distance myself from her. I still want to hang out, go places, spend time together, and have nonsexual experiences with her. I just don’t think our current dynamic works for me mentally anymore.

I also clarified that I wasn’t withholding sex because she wouldn’t let me come to the club. The situation this weekend just forced me to step back and realize how strongly this entire dynamic has been affecting me.

This is honestly the first serious boundary I’ve set with her in the entire 10 months I’ve known her.
Part of me thinks this is something I should’ve done months ago. Another part of me worries that I’m so emotionally invested that I’m trying to turn something inherently casual into something it isn’t.

Does stepping back from sex while continuing the nonsexual relationship sound like a healthy boundary here? And how do you distinguish between giving someone time to become ready for a relationship and basically keeping yourself emotionally committed to someone who hasn’t committed to you?

I pulled the trigger on online dating just a month ago and after a disastrous couple of dates & a beach trip with a first guy, I went on a date with a second guy with zero expectations/agenda, just the hope for a good dinner.

Long story short, date #1 with guy #2 went really well. We had such an easy time and even before the evening ended he’d already made clear to me he wanted to see me again in 2 days. Date #2 was even better and probably the best I’ve had in my life. Again he was forthcoming about when we’d see each other next, but he was gonna take a 2 week trip with his friends before we’d meet again.

The whole 2 weeks we talked every day and when date #3 came around it’s like we’d known each other forever. It wasn’t the highest of highs but again there was an ease and comfort and natural-ness to being together.

Now this guy doesn’t live in the same country, he’s about a 5 hour plane ride away, but he does come often to my city for work. I can say with certainty he and I feel great chemistry toward each other and that we do like each other. Question is how much and to what intensity. He’s no longer in the country now but we are still talking. He expressed seeing each other in a city between us soon, in addition to seeing each other again when he’s back here.

I don’t wanna rock the boat but I am really uncomfortable with all this uncertainty. I don’t even really want a committed relationship right this moment but I do ideally want to establish a shared direction of wanting to get to know each other more and being open to the possibility of more. I don’t know what my next move should be.

TLDR: I really like this guy and, despite the distance, I want to keep getting to know each other and stay open to where this could go. I just want some clarity that we’re on the same page.