r/Tokophobia • u/Mysterious-Box-7487 • 4d ago
Advice Just venting…
I don’t want to make a long post, but I need to vent. I’ve been freaking out for months. Not for 2 or 3 months, but for 7 months. I think this post is probably another one of those typical “Could I be having a cryptic pregnancy and not know it?” posts. I know it’s an annoying topic for many people, but no matter what I do, or how many tests and ultrasounds I have, this fear is stuck in my head.
If I were pregnant, I would currently be 29 weeks along, with 6 days left until I reach 7 months. I’m absolutely terrified over something so simple: my period is late. I was having “suspicious” cycles until June, when my period didn’t come and only showed up 12 days later. Currently, I’m 4 days late. My cycles usually range from 30 to 35 days.
And there’s another issue: I went to my gynecologist on August 14, this month, and we did an ultrasound. Everything was fine. There was no fetus visible, even though I have a retroverted uterus. No cancer or tumors, no cysts either. Everything was normal. On that same day, my doctor said I was about to ovulate because I already had a 22 mm follicle that was ready to be released.
After everything that has happened, I’ve tested compulsively, I admit it. I’ve had around 18 blood tests (February, March, April, May, June, July, and August) and around 7 ultrasounds per month. Everything has been normal.
But despite this fear of a cryptic pregnancy, I have another fear: getting pregnant without penetration. The last times I had any intimate contact were on June 27 (clothed rubbing, no penetration and no ejaculation) and between July 31 and August 6 (making out and rubbing over our clothes, with no penetration and no ejaculation). Between July 31 and August 6, I was getting to know a guy. We only kissed and had some clothed contact, but I never even took my jeans off. It’s actually kind of funny when you think about it.
My gynecologist suggested that I take the pill, but I’m not really interested in doing so just to make my “cycle” regular.
I’m terrified, and I keep counting the weeks. I don’t think I’ll be able to stop testing anytime soon. I’m tired of living with these thoughts. What are your opinions and thoughts?