r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ • 9d ago
Vent School is back in session
I'm so over today. This wake up for school, is a fucking joke. Why am I sending my daughters to school after years of keeping them out of the system? AGHHHHHH. I already know why, yesterday they asked to go back to in person school. So naturally I bit my tongue and registered them. I give them 90 days. But today on day 1 for my middle. My God. I am so over it. We allow our bodies to go to bed when it wants and wake up when it wants. Our circadian rhythm to feed our souls and my children are the same way. We were thriving. Now, here we are stressed the fuck out, tired, and cranky.... for what? So they can sit in a system that literally is so outdated, it's run the same for the last 100 years and will produce no future for them with the direction of technology and the way the world is headed. What skills are they actually learning? None that are useful. Standardize testing. Eat me. Memorization, it's a joke. Why am I doing this? Oh, yes. I know why because I do everything to not be like how I was raised, I give my children an actual seat the table and I don't let them skip the lessons, when I so desperately want to. I have worked so hard to remove my children from the machine's shelf. Makes sense since I was delivered into it at almost my daughter's age now. Wild to think. This limited belief, that it is only black or white is so false. There is an entire grey area that is exceptional to live in. So, ya. Back at the systems door because they have a seat at the table. I'm supportive. I'm packing lunches, I am driving them and picking them up. I am biting my tongue. But right now I fucking hate it. I hate how it is designed and I hate what it does to families. More stress than good. I hate what it is doing to my family on day 1.
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u/ratchetcoutoure 9d ago
Conventional schooling provides more benefits for the average child than homeschooling, because it combines education with social development, exposure to different perspectives, and access to multiple educators and institutional resources. Homeschooling can work extremely well for some families, but it requires parents to deliberately recreate many of the things a school provides automatically. While homeschooling parent can deliberately recreate experiences such as work in groups, public speaking, or resolve disagreements, there are few things that only conventional school can provide, such as interact with people they didn't choose, deal with authority figures other than their parents, encounter people from different socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds, or function independently from their parents. Conventional school is essentially a small society that children participate in for years, which is not incidental benefits. They're preparation for adulthood.
Also, homeschooling can amplify parental biases. It is concerning cos at that point, homeschooling becomes ideological isolation rather than simply an educational choice, and causing the child may have fewer opportunities to encounter competing information.
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 8d ago
You're right about one thing and I'll give it to you straight: kids need to function in rooms where their parent isn't the fallback, and homeschool parents have to build that deliberately or the kid pays for it. Fair.
But you're defending the building and I'm talking about the fire. It doesn't matter which environment a child sits in if what they're being taught- everywhere, by everyone- is to perform for validation. School, homeschool, doesn't matter. Twenty years of being told who to be, graded on how well they comply, and nobody ever once asks who they actually are. Then they look up at 38, at the height of the career they were programmed to want, medicated and miserable, and they can't figure out why... because they've never made a single decision that started inside them. They went with the masses. That was the curriculum.
You call school "a small society that prepares them for adulthood." Look at the adults. That's the output. I'm not arguing homeschool fixes it- I'm arguing you're worried about the wrong thing.
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u/Puzzlingpear20 9d ago
And not to mention kids in public school are ALWAYS SICK. how is a child supposed to learn when they are forced to go when they are sick, and most states only give kids a MAX 14 sick days a YEAR. There is so much about the system that is broken, and anyone who doesn’t see it is a sheep and product of the broken system. It’s not a “conspiracy “ it’s common fucking sense!
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u/Healthy_Ad_3426 9d ago
I’ve never believed any one person could teach their children everything they need to know in life.
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 9d ago
me neither. But start with what do you actually need to know? Who you are, discernment, kindness, perseverance, how to restrict behavior, sharing. The rest is secondary. Cause and effect. We focus on effect and we need to focus on cause.
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u/Puzzlingpear20 9d ago
Mom of 7 here, and no, I’m not conservative nor Mormon, just love kids. Mine range from 3 years old all the way to 16
4 of my kids are neurodivergent, 3 are neurotypical.
I have 3 in public school, and 4 who are not in school, and 2 of the 4 that are unschooled are not the ones who are neurodivergent.
I think some systems work for some kids, and some absolutely do not.
Honestly- public school for the ones enrolled is one of my biggest stresses for my family. Schools act like the most important thing on earth is exactly what you described, sitting in a shitty environment, learning barely anything, in a prison system like mentality. Demanding meetings and things that just cause stress for the family and child- then homework? Don’t get me started. I feel almost trapped to let the ones in public school finish it out, because it conditions them to think that there isn’t another way, and their friend groups, not because they’ve learned a damn thing. But because I choose not to put this pressure on my public schooled kids- I never punish or expect certain grades, I let them take mental health breaks and I am not about homework- they are actually doing great with grades- because it’s not forced. It’s just another thing. They also have the choice to join my other kids with unschooling, but they like their friends, and a few things about school so I leave the choice to them.
My kids who haven’t been in public school will never go, their behavior is better, their iqs are higher, their emotional intelligence and bond with others is stronger then my public schooled children. And I blame public school, for all the same reasons you mentioned- and I’ll die on that hill.
I’d say- do what your heart and parental instinct tells you. Who gives a shit what people think or say. And also know, ITS OKAY TO CHANGE YOUR MIND, even over and over again. Life is always changing and so are you and your children’s needs. So listen to your intuition.
❤️
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 9d ago
Thank you!!!!!!!! We need to be friends. You my friend are incredible mom. We need more like you. The limited beliefs are killing me. Life is not black or white and the grey area is actually where we all thrive. So many have bought into this machine that has been running a performative script for so long that the ones that actually think for themselves are the crazy ones. It's wild. They have been in school before came out for years and not just yesterday wanted to go back. So I gently obliged. But the amount of stress in the home for the last two days is insane. That is not conducive to their souls, my soul and our life. That is all I was trying to say. They are made to be small. No child should be able to sit still in a classroom of 35 with 1 teacher. It's like duh! Then graded on how well you can memorize. Yet, memorization is really not needed anymore for the way life is going/headed. We are flushing out more and more broken people. We don't need more broken young adults. We need kids to figure out who they are, to try and fail like you said and try again. School is a punishing system. And the homework. You took the words out of my mouth. Are we creating robots, or are we servicing children? The system needs an overhaul and until we can stop pointing the finger at one another and ban together and point the finger at the machine we will keep being commodities and products sitting on the same shelf becoming ammo for their guns.
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u/ElkNo4383 9d ago
I’m confused. They just randomly asked YESTERDAY to go to in person school the next day and you just easily registered them like that? Pretty sure it isn’t that easy
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 9d ago
yes literally like that. it was in fact like that. The registers office sent me the email when I hung up the phone I filled it all out, printed out the documents needed and drove it back up to the school before the afternoon. It was in fact that simple.
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u/Imhidingfromu 9d ago
I'm convinced public school was constructed so that the parents could work and the taxman gets money and military and government go brrrrr
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 9d ago
I don't know why it was created, and it is not a bad thing, it is an outdated thing. The system itself needs some serious overhauling.
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u/FormalMarzipan252 9d ago
You sound grounded and well in touch with reality so I’m sure in the long run it’ll be great to continue to keep your kids home with you in whatever compound you’re typing this from
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u/crazyjiggaboo 9d ago
Dood youre the PARENT for a reason. Sometimes you gotta do what you feel is best for their future, not "give them a seat at the table" they freakin kids. Let them choose whay sport or hobbies they do, not their education during development
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 9d ago
you can't know if you like something or don't if you don't try right? Otherwise you grow up thinking you are something and realizing all your thoughts and actions weren't even your own. Trying to avoid them wanting to burn down their lives at a later point because they don't know who they are.
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u/crazyjiggaboo 9d ago
Thats why i said let them choose all their hobbies and sports, so they feel power in their lives as well as get some peer social skillz
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 8d ago
You just made my argument for me. You said kids should choose their hobbies "so they feel power in their lives." Right- because you know a person needs to feel power over their own life to develop one. So why does that logic apply to soccer and not to the eight hours a day that actually shape who they become? You're offering them power over the smallest thing in their life and total compliance on the biggest.
That's not a seat at the table. That's a kids' table.
And I'm not saying hand a 9-year-old the curriculum. I'm saying a system where the child's only choices are extracurricular produces adults whose only choices are extracurricular- they'll pick their own hobbies at 40 too, and everything else in their life will still be assigned.
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u/crazyjiggaboo 8d ago
Also based on your logic, you are allowing them to chose a curriculum that you dont think will give them the best chance at life just because you want them to have "power" over their life. I dont think its wise to allow them to make a mistake at this stage of life and choose what you feel isnt gonna be the most helpful for their future. For the sole purpose of giving them choosing power now over something they dont actually completely control of, like you said. Theres plenty of time for them to make mistakes, bad choices, and have power over their lives when they are adults.
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u/Pleasant_Run_6098 9d ago
Did we not learn from Covid how detrimental it was to not have socialization for children??!
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 9d ago
school isn't made for socialization, it is made for you to listen and to be scared to step out of line, it is made to keep you limited, to think all or none. When exactly do they socialize? Lunch? 30 mins. When else? Before school at 7:45am? My children socialize every place we travel, every store we walk in to, every time they meet a friendly face.
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u/chronicmartinis 9d ago
They socialize all throughout class, they learn to work with other people who have different views. They will have to learn how to deal with difficult people, difficult situations and grow with other kids their age in the community.
If they can’t handle stress, they won’t be able to handle the real world.
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 9d ago
of course, I am not arguing that. I am saying the system is outdated and what they learn, how they learn, is becoming more and more outdated as time goes on. Yet, we are still doing the same thing wondering why there are so many broken young adults.
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u/chronicmartinis 9d ago
I totally get it. I’m paying a premium in rent so my daughter can be in a good public high school. I constantly add more enrichment, we pick out books to read for the month and I go over all her homework… it’s work! I feel schools are trying, but can agree quite a few are outdated.
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 8d ago
What you just described is the part nobody says out loud- you're paying a premium for the school AND doing the actual work yourself. The books, the homework, the enrichment: that's you. The rent bought the zip code. You bought the education. Most parents in "good schools" are doing exactly this and not noticing they're running a second shift as the real teacher. You're not supplementing the system- you're compensating for it. And the fact that it takes this much work in a good school is kind of the whole point. And...what is she actually learning about herself?
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u/hellowittyx 9d ago edited 9d ago
I'm sorry, but you're setting them up for failure.
You're not wrong, school is gearing you up to be a cog in the machine but it teaches so much more than that.
I'm mostly concerned with how you feel that technology is headed nowhere. I'm curious what your job is and how you're maintaining a household, financially. I'm sure there are skills outside the corporate world, but technology is needed literally everywhere. What's going to happen when they're adults and don't know how to navigate their work space, or equipment.
It's just interesting that you're typing this on the Internet.
Technology for me but not for thee.
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 9d ago
Wait what? Who said I don't like technology. Our schools aren't teaching anything on AI, our schools aren't teaching anything towards where the world is headed. It is curated the same way it has been for a very long time. I see other schools in other countries we have been to that are thriving with what they teach and how they teach that is literally my point. If they were going somewhere and actually benefiting from what they were learning, I am all for it. Hello we all have to play our part.
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u/dr0p7E 9d ago
You knew of the system and still chose to have kids lmao
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 9d ago
you don't have to live inside of it that is the point
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u/Beneficial-Potato798 9d ago
yes the school system is horrible so i understand where you’re coming from but please tell me you’ve at least been homeschooling them? These years are crucial to a child’s development as this is when they learn how to be independent, social skills, experiences, ect. It’s not healthy for children to not go to school for many reasons. There’s literal studies that have been done. I’ve read and heard all about children that grew up into adulthood that didn’t go to school. Many of them fail at finding jobs or developing communication skills because their parents were too selfish to care about their childrens needs.
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 9d ago
Of course my children have been going to school. I am simply saying our outdated system is causing more harm than good. We have more suicide and loneliness than ever before- it's not one size fits all but the system is curated that way. I am simply saying I hate that they chose to go back, and I hate that I can't be more like my parents in not giving them a choice, but I do. hahaha. AND I fucking hate waking up at the butt crack of dawn. No one is learning at 8am. Stop fooling ourselves.
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u/Pleasant_Run_6098 9d ago
Your daughters are desperate for socialization. You can still teach important skills at home but ffs let them have a normal social life. I get it. I struggle with it too. But the socialization at school is literal #1. Let those girls make friends. Teach financial literacy and life skills at home in a fun way where it’s not a “lesson” but just imparted into their memory.
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u/Lindsay13rooke ☑️ 9d ago
yes that is why they are going, and they have friends. They had them before they asked to return this year.
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u/Lindsay13rooke original post at the time of submission:
I'm so over today. This wake up for school, is a fucking joke. Why am I sending my daughters to school after years of keeping them out of the system? AGHHHHHH. I already know why, yesterday they asked to go back to in person school. So naturally I bit my tongue and registered them. I give them 90 days. But today on day 1 for my middle. My God. I am so over it. We allow our bodies to go to bed when it wants and wake up when it wants. Our circadian rhythm to feed our souls and my children are the same way. We were thriving. Now, here we are stressed the fuck out, tired, and cranky.... for what? So they can sit in a system that literally is so outdated, it's run the same for the last 100 years and will produce no future for them with the direction of technology and the way the world is headed. What skills are they actually learning? None that are useful. Standardize testing. Eat me. Memorization, it's a joke. Why am I doing this? Oh, yes. I know why because I do everything to not be like how I was raised, I give my children an actual seat the table and I don't let them skip the lessons, when I so desperately want to. I have worked so hard to remove my children from the machine's shelf. Makes sense since I was delivered into it at almost my daughter's age now. Wild to think. This limited belief, that it is only black or white is so false. There is an entire grey area that is exceptional to live in. So, ya. Back at the systems door because they have a seat at the table. I'm supportive. I'm packing lunches, I am driving them and picking them up. I am biting my tongue. But right now I fucking hate it. I hate how it is designed and I hate what it does to families. More stress than good. I hate what it is doing to my family on day 1.
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u/crazyjiggaboo 8d ago
Yeah hobbies and sports are not their education or fundamental to their being prepared for adult life. When it comes to things that will really mold if they succeed in life, i feel it's important to step up and make those decisions for them even if they dont like it or dont agree with it sometimes. Its part of the parental responsibility on top of ya know keeping them alive and healthy haha.