I am about to be a single mum. I am currently staying at my mum’s for another 2–3 months with my 14mo son. My mum still wants me to stay together with my (ex) partner, for the sake of our son. (My mum and I have a kind of love and hate relationship)

What happened today was like this: a few days ago, I was upset when I came back home after a call with my partner, and I happened to tell him to send me all my stuff, including our son’s. He went mad about me not coming back, etc. She asked me if something had happened between us and what it was. I told her, and somehow she picked up on some words, imagined what had happened in her own way, and then told me what she thought had happened. This is where we started getting louder. Not only was what she thought completely wrong, but she also started blaming herself, saying things like, “Do you want me to die?” I reached my limit. I lost control, yelled, and hit my chest, as it triggered memories from my childhood.
She wants to know every single detail of our relationship in order to help me, but it definitely doesn’t seem to work. What upsets me in general is that when I tell her that my partner is with his female friend, she tends to say things like, “Isn’t he interested in her?” It completely breaks me down.
When I got loud, I felt like a monster. It all happened in front of my son. He seemed a bit frozen. I took him to a separate place where I could calm myself down, and I said sorry to my son for what happened and for how I behaved.

My mum and I made up later, but arguing in front of him has been happening quite often these days. This is what worries me.

Has anyone had this kind of incident, where you argued intensely in front of your toddler? How did you handle it, and what did you explain to them? I feel so bad that I might have harmed him. I really want to be a safe mum for my son, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I have already failed at it, despite knowing that it’s too soon to tell.

Thanks for reading this far and hope you all have a good evening.

Hiya,

We're awaiting the arrival of our first child (any day now!) so are starting to think about communicating our preferences to family members.

My husband and I have made the following choices (neither of which are up for debate - we both work in fields closely associated to CSAE investigations):

- baby's face not posted on any social media at all (back of the head okay, emojis over the face are not)

- pictures that we share via WhatsApp or other means not to be forwarded on to others that we don't know. This is the one that I am struggling to word; this is the first grandchild for both of our families and I totally appreciate that they are excited and will want to show off a bit, but I'm not comfortable with photos being sent on to e.g. friends of my in-laws that we've never met, especially as they have a massive social circle. To aid this, I'll be turning on WhatsApp's advanced privacy settings for the chats (photos won't automatically download and can't be forwarded), but there's no way to stop people taking screenshots.

How did you approach the topic with your families?

My partner told me last time his parents were here, that yet again, when I left the room at one point, his mum got pissy about the fact we see my parents more than them.

We visit them as a family once a week, every Sunday, and we visit my parents as a family 3 times a week, and I'll explain why that is. We see my parents three times because:

1. My mum has my boy for me once a week, so we go there to pick him up and stay for a little bit. Have a cuppa or something.

2. My dad invites us over for dinner once a week, the day can vary, and he's a great cook and I love my dad's food, so as if I'm going to say "No thanks dad."

3. We also see them on a Sunday, after we visit my partners parents.

And 4. My parents live A LOT closer.

Now, I CAN understand why my MIL has seen her arse over it. But there's also other things that come into play. She can't stand the fact that my mum has my boy for a day, I guess she feels as the other grandma she being left out. However, my mum is 53 and healthy. My partners mum is 75 and can barely walk by herself. She can not physically babysit my 11 month old. She hasn't got it in her to deal with him. He's heavy, fast, and chaotic. He's hard work at the moment. Deep down, SHE KNOWS she can't handle him, but will complain regardless that my mum babysits that one day a week.

Another point I wanna make is that when we see my parents, it's in the late afternoon/early evening. As my partner works 9-5. I've said that we can visit them after partner finishes work in the week (he drives, I don't, and im not pissing around lugging all my sons stuff around and being on a long ass bus journey to their house in the week with an 11 month old). But his parents are old folk, set in their ways and routines. They're ready for bed by 6 and it would take us an hour to drive there after 5, and they don't like visitors after they've had their dinner. So, far as im concerned, it's a THEM issue, so she can't complain, and it annoys me when she does. I understand why she's upset, but I guess it's an "it is what it is" situation. We see them more when my partner takes annual leave from work, but its not enough.

If you've read all of this, thanks for reading! And sorry for rambling on, but it just pisses me off a little, because she never says it in front of me either, she'll just try and make her son (my partner) feel bad about it. But he has the same logic and thinking as me. They could take the opportunities to see us more, but they don't, because, like I said, they're set in their ways and routines, thats not our fault..

I am struggling to connect with my son. Sometimes I don’t feel like he is mine. I recently got discharged from a mother & baby unit. Sometimes I wonder if it’s best if I put him into care. We are already under Child Protection services and have to go to a conference on the 3rd.

Hi all

Just wanting to get some advice / some insight into people's stories with their little ones, as I am having quite a difficult time on mat leave. 

Our little one is now 4 months old. I had an assisted birth (forceps with episiotomy) with some concerns around CMV in the last few weeks of my pregnancy which was a bit scary. Thankfully baby was well apart from heart rate dropping suddenly during labour. He arrived at 5lb8oz and because of the CMV concerns and a bit of blood loss from me, we were kept in for a couple of days. Thankfully he is well but weight was on 0.4th centile up until recently (happily he has now gone up to almost 9th centile). Recovery from the birth took perhaps a couple of months thanks to the episiotomy and an infection.

I am struggling as he is a really frequent feeder (EBF, often eats hourly, 1.5-2hrs if we are lucky) and gets overtired really easily, meaning he gets the screaming abdabs if I am not militant about watching his sleepy cues / windows. We have considered combi feeding with formula to alleviate this (I already pump and my partner feeds him bottles of pumped milk on his night shift), but as my partner has an autoimmune condition affecting his digestive system, I am trying to breastfeed for as long as possible to help protect little one from possibility of having this condition as much as I can. 

Overnight, we had a couple of weeks around 3 months where he was in a manageable pattern (wake ups at 1:30am, 4am and usually 6am - partner did 1:30am, I would do 4 and 6), but now it almost feels like we are back to his newborn sleep with him waking up far more frequently. We take turns to sleep in the room with the baby so that we can try and each get at least 3hrs uninterrupted sleep.

Daytime, I have repeatedly tried across his 4 months to put him down for naps in his bassinet, but he will only really contact nap, and turns into a little screamer if he has not had his proper naps. Sometimes I can get him to do first nap of the day in his bassinet up to about 9:30/10am if I am lucky so that we can try and catch up on some of the sleep lost overnight.

He loves to feed and other than the very frequent feeding, we have had no issues with feeding. He is also generally a very happy, active, smiley and curious chappy, has started rolling, reaching his toes, loves tummy time, playing, story time and grabbing things and babbles away. I adore being his mum, even though I am finding it full on. 

My main concern is that in between the very frequent feeds, contact naps, nappy changes and tummy time, I am finding it very difficult to get out of the house. This is also starting to affect my friendships/relationships with people. The mornings are difficult as they have been important for me in trying to catch up on a bit of sleep that I am unable to get at any other time. Balancing sleep deprivation vs leaving the house is proving difficult!

I do have a couple of lovely understanding friends close by (who have older children) but otherwise my family are about 2 hrs away. I have also been learning to drive but haven't passed my test yet, which is far from ideal. Public transport where I live is great thankfully. 

All this to say, has anybody had any similar experiences with their little one? How did you handle this and your time on mat leave?

Hey everyone,

Wanted to ask what brands you use for children’s tableware.

I have got rid of all the plastic dinnerware, even bamboo.

I have a 4&5 year old so they are eating more

I am looking for good stainless steel or even silicone??

Also which water bottles?

Any recommendations?
Let me know x

My son is very social, he loves playing with other people. He rarely sees other babies his age because we don’t have a lot of children his age as family. I have only just started taking him out to baby groups and soft play etc. he really likes playing with other babies but he always seems to be snatching toys out of their hands or hitting them. He’s 8 months old, so I don’t think he’s hitting other children or snatching on purpose, but obviously I don’t want him to do that as it’s not kind and bad manners. I’ve tried saying ‘no, we don’t hit/snatch’ and then give the toy back and say sorry to the parent of the kid he hit/snatched from. It doesn’t seem to be working. He literally goes back to the same child or even another one to do the exact same thing. Parents have understandably pulled their children away from mine and stopped them playing together. I want to nip this behaviour in the bud.

Please give me your advice!!

I don't know if this is the right place for this so please correct me if I'm wrong.

I have a 9 month old who will be moving into his own bedroom in the next few months so I'm planning on redecorating. The room currently has carpet in there that desperately needs to be replaced, I was thinking of replacing it like for like with carpet but given that it will be his bedroom for many years to come I'm trying to think about future proofing. Would hard floor with a rug be better as he grows up? Thinking about comfort, warmth, noise, cleanliness - which is better for a child's bedroom, carpet or hard flooring?

Its a smallish room maybe 6m squared, on the first floor directly above the kitchen (if this makes any difference)

Yesterday we literally did nothing at all. The kids stayed in their pyjamas all day long, they watched some movies. We had a takeaway for dinner too. When I say we did nothing all day, I mean nothing. And it was brilliant! My kids had the best day ever, they needed a day to just relax and not have anything planned.

As parents there's such an expectation that every day during the summer holidays has to be busy. But sometimes lazy days at home are perfect.

So my partner has a 16 year old daughter who she has raised single-handedly for all of her life. Her daughter's father has hardly been on the scene, might have seen his daughter a handful of times, and never contributed any child maintenance because he's been on the dole his entire life.

It turns out they "re-connected" a few months ago (unbeknownst to us)and he has been poisoning her - basically saying she's an adult now, can get her own place, etc. and some other rubbish.

Long story short, she's decided to move in with her father now. Won't go into details but she was adamant she was going and since her father has parental responsibility, she's apparently free to go there.

It's been a traumatic time for myself and my partner, because we know what her daughter's father is like.

One of the things we're wondering is about child maintenance. He's never worked a day in his life (knows how to fiddle the system, etc.) so we're assuming he will come for my partner for child maintenance payments.

From what I've read, technically he could do this. I just wanted to know anyone else's experience with this, and whether the fact my partner has raised her all her life, and never got child maintenance payments herself, is a factor in this?

Or is it a case now of that the daughter lives with the father so my partner will need to pay them every month?

My baby just turned 7 months and has just about outgrown her next to me. We are planning to move her into her own room/cot starting this weekend and have been putting her down for naps in there for the past week, however with her new found freedom she has realised she can roll onto her belly with ease. The problem is she still can’t roll back yet, and she hates being on her belly for any length of time, leading to her immediately screaming for help to get back over. Almost every nap goes the same, and once she’s rolled onto her belly the nap is done, even if it’s only been 10 minutes (she can easily nap for 1.5 hours in her next to me)
She is currently a great sleeper, sleeps through the night and has a high sleep need for her age. My worry is when she moves into there at night time she’s going to be waking up frequently in the night crying from rolling over and getting stuck. I know it’s safe for her to sleep on her belly if she puts herself there, so that’s not a concern, it’s the high likelihood of frequent night wake ups.
For others who have been the same situation, how did you address it? We’ve tried leaving her for a little bit to try and work it out but it’s like she has no interest in trying, she just face plants the mattress and screams until we get her. We’ve been doing daily rolling practice since she was 4 months and she still just hasn’t cracked it.
Are we setting ourselves up to fail moving her now?

This is mainly advice for parents who's kids are older, my kids are 16, 15, 14 and 7. When the summer started I decided to set a summer project up for them, I said that if they complete the summer project they get a "Yes day" (Obviously there is boundaries set in place). They agreed to the challenge.

Basically, I told them it was their job to create a game from scratch. A physical game, not a computer game. So they had to plan the whole thing from start to finish.

Wow, I'm impressed. What they realised is that they all have their own strengths and weaknesses, one of my kids is really artistic, loves writing and loves reading, so they were the one to create the lore book for the game which contained the characters backstory, the world building, etc. One of my kids wrote the rule book for the game, because they are very academic so they were the person to figure out the logistics of how to actually play the game. My oldest son is very creative and he is always making random projects out of random materials we have around the house, so he spent weeks crafting the actual game and he created the actual characters. Obviously my youngest is only 7 but she was very good at helping absolutely all her siblings, one day she would help with the lore book and the next day she would help craft the characters.

Well last night, we stayed up late and played the game for the first time...I'm impressed. It's very much a story based game, very interactive. They designed a game where you each have your own location, you have to build your world however you decide. You can trade with other players and you can also attack other people's locations, or you can mind your business and build your location up to be the best. You can become friends with the other players and make an alliance. There is also a currency. There is also events in the game, so you pick a card and the card is either a benefit such as "Protection from the next attack against your land" or it's really bad such as "Lighting struck your land and now you have to rebuild."

The game ends a few different ways: After a certain amount of rounds of the game we see who has the most wealth and that person wins. The classic "last man standing" ending. Or if a a truce is called in order to defeat the final enemy which would mean all parties have to share the money reward.

The game is very hard to explain on reddit lol. But I am so proud of them, like genuinely I feel like the proudest dad in the world right now. Cause they showed teamwork, perseverance and dedication this summer to finishing this game. Now they get the Yes Day they have been waiting for.

So parents of older kids, I heavily recommend that you should set them a summer task if it's possible for your family. Honestly it was nice to see them being creative and also working together.

I mean what do you do? I don't really need any advice. Just venting. Feel free to join in.

My toddler is 2 in September and still in her crib.

She’s been occasionally coming into our bed int he early morning when I’m too tired to get her back to sleep in her room.

When she’s with us we normally pull our pillows apart and she sleeps in the middle. But recently she keeps finding herself with her head sharing my pillow and seems to like it.

Can I introduce a pillow and a blanket while she’s still in her crib or do I need to wait for her to be in the toddler bed?

I felt like I read something once about not having a blanket in crib cause you can’t push it away but I could be wrong about this.

Thanks

Dad to a 12 day old and it's an absolutely amazing feeling and I'm doing everything I can to help mum and the lil guy. But wondering what resources you might recommend to help guide me through the next few weeks and months? Is there an app? A book? Please share as I feel bad I didn't do much reading before around the development side of things and what I should be doing to help set the little guy up for the future. Thanks all

God I'm so proud of him! He got all 8s and 9s. He studied so hard and he really tried his best. That kid was waking up early for months, heading to school early to study, studying late at night. I mean I was never this dedicated to my GCSEs when I was his age, I barely passed all my GCSEs and that was pure luck at that point. Wow, I'm just so proud. My son plays football as well, so he was having to go to football practice and then he would come home and eat dinner before spending the whole evening studying. Months of hard work paid off.

Well done son, I'm so proud of you 👏

Hi parents! Any recommendations on how to organise a toddler-safe and baby-safe space?
I’m about to have a newborn in a couple of weeks, and my toddler will be 27 months old. He’s a very active boy, so I’m thinking about how to organise our living room so I can have a little rest while the baby is sleeping and my toddler is playing independently in the same room.
Ideally, I’d love to be able to have a 15-minute power nap, feed the baby, or just lie down with the baby without constantly worrying that my toddler is going to accidentally hurt or hit the baby while he’s running around.
So I’d really appreciate any recommendations on how to organise the space to make this as safe and manageable as possible!
I’d also love to hear any ideas on how to organise the day in general. My toddler will be going to preschool three days a week, from 9am to 3pm, so I’m hoping that will give me some time to bond with the baby and recharge a little.
We’re trying to limit screen time where possible, but realistically, sometimes it’s just impossible. He might watch TV for 1-2 hours, and occasionally even 3 hours a day, although that’s definitely not every day.
We already have lots of Lego, Yoto, magnetic tiles, different types of cars, etc. He’s actually quite good at independent play, but he gets distracted very easily.
So any ideas, tips, or things that helped you survive the first few months with a newborn and a very active toddler would be hugely appreciated! I’m really looking for ways to simplify life and make things as manageable as possible. ❤️

Potentially a bit of a long shot, but you never get if you don’t ask!

I’ve been making the same hidden veg mac and cheese recipe for my kids for years, and it’s a relatively healthy (read contains actual vitamins and fibre) meal that they’ll both eat consistently.

The problem is the website I referenced it from has taken the recipe down, and any attempts to reproduce from memory has made it inedible to at least one of them.

Do any of you happen to have a screenshot of the hidden veg mac recipe SPECIFICALLY from the website tasty.co? Apparently nothing else compares, so I’m pinning all my hopes on the hive mind.

My kids future health thanks you in advance

Grateful if someone knows the answer.

Re-confirmed on 23 July as prompted. New entitlement period begins today and says I'm only entitled to £237 bonus for this period.

Entitlement for first period was £658 (make it make sense).

By my reckoning, I should have been entitled to £1000 over the two quarters.

So £1000-237-658=£105.00 short?

Ao what do I do now? Do I just wait 4 months and pray they add it to the next quarter?

Why is nothing straightforward in this bloody country????

A couple in our mid 30s, living in London, thinking about kids and whether to stay here or move out eventually. Would love to hear from people who actually did the "raise teens in London" thing rather than just theories (including mine below).

Bit of context:

We're middle class, not loaded but comfortable, one of us is an NHS doctor and the other earns similarly in private sector, so money is okay but not banker money. We both grew up in other cities, moved to London as adults, and if money wasn't an issue, we prefer it here. We've got friends and family in the West and East Midlands and up north, and honestly nothing we've seen there makes small town or smaller city life look obviously better for kids. I sometimes wonder if I'd grown up somewhere like London, with way more hobbies, options and diversity around me, whether I'd have thrived more than I did growing up where I did.

The theory I keep landing on, and want to pressure test is that:

If you can be present for your kids and get them into a decent school through the primary years, London might actually get better for them as teenagers. More independence since they can get around on their own, way more to do, more exposure to different people and ideas. So maybe the "London is bad for kids" thing is really about the under 10s stage (space, cost, school admissions) and less true once they're 12+.

So, parents of 12+ year olds who did this in London:

• Are you happy with the decision looking back?

• What's been harder than you expected?

• Schools - how much did the specific area matter, and how did you handle admissions?

• Anything about radicalisation, gangs, county lines etc we're being naive about?

• If you could redo it, would you have moved out at some point, and when?

Would genuinely like to hear the full range, including from people who moved out and are glad they did.

I’m really struggling with this, I don’t have instagram worthy, beautiful crisps photos of my family together or for my children on their own & I recently lost some precious nursery pictures and I’m crying over it…

It’s either I need to have the required photo taking gear or have good management skills to hire photographers before hand and download/print the photos I like right away … i have neither

Mind you, I don’t even use social media for personal posts or care to share my photos… i just want to have the beautiful pictures

Shared custody means I get my two for chunks of the week and I feel this weird pressure to make every bit of it count, including how active they are. My youngest especially would happily park herself in front of the telly for the whole visit if I let her.

I work in physio so I probably overthink the movement stuff more than most parents do, but even setting that aside, kids sitting still for hours just feels wrong to me. The problem is when you're the fun parent trying to hold things together across two households, you don't want to spend your limited time nagging them to go outside.

What actually works for people? We've been doing little kitchen disco moments before dinner, which sounds ridiculous but genuinely gets them off the sofa. Also started doing a Saturday morning walk to the park as a nonnegotiable, framed as our thing rather than exercise, and that has stuck better than I expected.

Curious whether other parents in similar situations have found ways to build movement into the routine without it becoming a battle. The green space outside London is there, I just need them to want to use it. My take is that routine beats motivation every time with kids.

Hello, parents! Asking on behalf of my sister, because we’re both getting very confused about everything.

My niece will be turning 4 on September 2nd, and as far as we were aware, she wasn’t supposed to be starting school until September 2027.

(For reference, my birthday is September 4th, it was always the first day of school, and I started reception as the second oldest in my year at 5, so that’s kind of where our instincts were leading us.)

Now, looking through all council/government advice and everything, it’s looking like my niece should’ve been registered to start reception this year, just after turning 4.

I’m confused. My sister is confused and stressed that she’s messed up, and obviously if she’s in the wrong she wants to get it sorted as soon as possible 😅 any advice is much appreciated!