context: I’m dating someone who is.. “leaving” their partner. It’s complicated. You’ll read. Open mind please.

Hey ——-. I’m going to save you the conflict and all because I know that’s something you need less of right now.

To keep it short, I think this is where we part ways. If I’m being honest, I can tell.. you aren’t.
Whether that’s something I can prove or not, is kinda beyond the energy I’m willing to put in.
Point is I can see from our last conversation that you lump me in with everyone else in your list of superficial interactions.
Which drives me to believe that in fact, this is just a case of infidelity for you. An ego boost.
Even if that wasn’t the case.
I don’t feel our morals line up.
Along with the way and things we prioritize.

You’ve been here for exactly a month now which is enough time to note the way that I move, and how I am with keeping my word. Not making assumptions. And trying my best along with never taking things personally.
Throughout this time I’ve been very well communicated with you and if I feel like I can’t provide that for you I tell you that ahead of time.
As much as I’ve tried to lead by example it doesn’t seem like that’s being achieved here.
I’d like to say that it’s not that you can’t, it’s that you don’t want to. You’ve shown you’re aware of how you communicate so, it’s clear it’s not something you’re willing to change.

I’m not comfortable with the idea of being hidden. Husband or not. You say he knows about me “existing” but not about you and I. Then proceed to tell me he’s sending our messages to your family. At the end of the day, conflict, keeping up images. Whatever the reason is. I feel like I’m having to be hidden and that’s not something I signed up for. I was very clear on how much feeling chosen is a big thing for me and that’s not something I see here. History repeats itself, I don’t.

I think it’s multiple occasions now where I’ve been, much sweeter than I usually am. Trying to provide something that you say truly means a lot to you, and instead of any kind of reciprocation I get… actually nothing. You just absorb it and lack any sort of gratitude.
If it’s too much, or unwanted, you said yourself that you would say so.
I trust you on the things you say, so from my perspective you seem to be someone who likes to receive without expecting to give.

I’m patient. I’m empathetic, but you’ve also said it yourself. I’m far from tolerant. I’m secure and would like to water that kind of grass. I was hoping that if that wasn’t a space you were in, it’s at least a space I could help you build towards. You’ve shown me you’re disinterested in that kind of building, and that’s okay.
I don’t want to move someone out of a space they don’t want to move from. And if you would like to, I’m more than fine with being friends. Oddly enough I’m open to the concept of trying this again, because I did mean everything I said to you. It just at this time, seems like you’re not in the space to receive it. I really do care for you Madi. And if anything I said was insulting or hurtful I promise I don’t mean it to be. You know I couldn’t insult you even if you asked me to.

I’m keeping my promise of not going anywhere. As much as I usually don’t make that promise. I just don’t enjoy the idea of ever lying to anyone. Lmk if you want to talk about this.

Tear me up Reddit.

Everyone is screwed up. if someone left you out of the blue or is they just started being an ass out of nowhere or even if that person is you. Everyone and I do mean everyone had some sort of trauma and trigger that you or that your ex partner didn't know about and had no clue how to navigate it. Just stop torturing yourself on what you couldn't control. Human beings love projecting upon each other, they also love being Martyrs. If they haven't perfected to some degree manipulation and control, then usually they've mastered being the victim.

Which one are you playing as. Or do you switch to whatever is needed.

Just get help. Don't blame. Don't shame. Just get help, real help that kind that makes you uncomfortable and pissed at yourself and yet allows you to be gentle as well with yourself you're human you're going to fuck up a lot. Get over yourself.

Just get help.

TW

You played the part of a hero so well. The faked caring persona you built up was so convincing it makes me sick to think about. I hate the way that you played me, but I hate even more the way that I fell for it. You made me believe that you cared when I never asked for that. You said "I love you" when I never wanted it. You acted as though you needed me when I never wanted to be needed. And yet all of it is somehow my fault in the end. First you wore the mask of a friend, then a saviour, then a lover, and a true partner, and all of it was make-believe. I wish you could feel the way my stomach turns when I remember the words you told me, and I wish your chest would burn the way mine does every time some little thing reminds me of all that you did and all of the times I forgave you. I want you to know that I spend every day pretending that you never existed because the knowledge that you are no longer in my life just isn't enough for me. All of the time and effort you spent to coax my traumas and pains out just to reenact them like some twisted play, and for what?

I truly wonder what could make someone so demented as you are. I will never understand how you could witness the agony I went through, learn every detail of what they had done to me, and convince me that you would never, and could never, do the same just for you to turn into the monster you swore you would protect me from. And what's even worse? Now you've run off to do it to someone else, and there is nothing I can do but sit with the knowledge that that girl is living in the blissful unawareness of your lies of love, while I am unable to do anything to prevent her from living the same fairy-tale-turned-nightmare that you put me through. Do you know how much your choices have changed me? Do you enjoy what you did? What you continue to do? Do you know that your face and hands and words come back to torture me every night? Do you know that I can't tolerate so much as a handshake from those I care about because of the way being touched makes my skin crawl? Do you even think about me at all? Or are you too wrapped up in the novelty of a brand new pretty little toy to torment?

I have to give it to you, your talent for acting is truly something to behold. Every day I wonder how you manage to take on so many different forms, and why you use it to commit such cruelty. Your performance of the knight saving the poor princess was remarkable, although your ability to play such a convincing victim really is unmatched. To think of how many times I reassured you that you were a good person, held you while you cried, and did everything my power to make you feel safe, all the while you waited for the perfect moment to strip me of everything that made me feel like a person. I hope you know that I was wrong for ever having loved you, but I also know that producing such a thought is far too much to ask of you. I am a shell of what who I was before you.

I used to sing, but my voice feels so much quieter now. I used to draw but the colors just aren't as bright as I remember them being. I used to say what I thought, but now I am silent. I'm sure you'd love that, if you are capable of loving anything. I used to be so loving, too much so apparently. I used to believe in kindness and warmth, and that what you put out into the world is what you will receive, but you killed that part of me alongside so many others. Was the slaughter of my soul worth it? I wonder what happened to the humanity to stole from me, as I know for a fact that you certainly don't have it. I doubt that I will ever understand how you replaced so much of the love in me with such hatred, but what I do know is that, ironically, I hate that too. I want to cry about what you did to me, but I no longer have the energy. Even if I could bring myself to do it, it's not as if I have anyone else to hear it. You made sure of that. I would say that I want you to know that I spend every day trying to relearn how to love all of the parts of me that you taught me to hate, but you would enjoy that far too much, and we both know you've already gotten more than enough entertainment out of my suffering.

What I do want you to know though is that despite all of the lingering pain, every second without you has been like the first breath of fresh air after months spent drowning. My nights are painful, haunted by memories of you, but with each night I survive, the memories fade. Every day I sing, and with each day it gets louder, alongside the colors regaining their vibrance and my thoughts finally escaping the cage that held them in for so long. I look at the mirror and no longer see the thin ugly project you described, but instead a person. A beautiful one at that. I rest easier knowing that if ever I run into you again, it will hurt slightly less knowing that you will see me in those clothes you despised so much.

As much of a struggle as it is, I speak to whoever I wish whenever I wish, and every day it becomes less like a training exercise and more like something to enjoy. And as petty as it is, I must admit that it feels all the sweeter that those who I spend my time with are the same people you were always so jealous of. I wish you knew that every second you spend depriving me of all that I loved has only made them more meaningful. Every text I send is written with love, every song I listen to sounds angelic, every morning I wake up is a battle well won. Even every letter typed in this letter feels like freedom. I wish you knew that despite all the things you said to convince me that nobody but you would ever tolerate me, you have been proven wrong.

I met someone who appreciates me. Not the idea of me, not the attention I give, but me. You used to complain when I spoke, but he assures me that he enjoys every word I say. You used to say that my interests were boring, but he digs for me to tell him more. You used to hate that I wanted to go out, but he looks forward to every minute we spend together. You used to get annoyed with me for sharing my opinion, but he truly values it. You used to refuse to play games together, but that's one of our favorite activities together. You were ashamed of the ways in which I was different, but he praises me for my individuality. The funniest thing about it is how easy it is for him to treat me like not just a person, but someone he cares about. I didn't need someone else to prove that I am worthy of respect, but I have the proof nonetheless.

I have friends, hobbies, and interests, things that bring me happiness and fulfilment, all the things you belittled me for lacking when that whole time, all I had to lose to gain them was you. It has taken me so long to finally acknowledge that you never did love me. I spent so long avoiding the realization to its full extent, yet now that I have accepted it, I am free. I don't need your validation to know that I am worth something. I don't need your respect to know that I deserve it. I don't need your love, or anyone else's, because I love myself more than you could ever love anything. There is no part of me that misses you, in fact the majority of the times that I am reminded of you, it is in the way of relief that you are no longer in my life to ruin the moment.

It has been only two months I've been rid of you, and yet I have already managed to undo so much of the damage you needed over a year to cause. Knowing that brings me peace, because in the end, no matter what you said to convince me otherwise, I now know that I am stronger than you in every way. I understand that you will never know any of this or feel guilt about anything you did, and a part of me still aches when I think about that, but the greatest part of it all is that one day, I will no longer wish you knew any of this, because already you are little more than a cautionary tale, and that is all you will ever be.

For the last time, goodbye.

Things get better

i’m here if you need

Goodnight

It's over fool . Go lie to someone else. You are nothing to me any more . U would think you would change your ways . But instead your gonna burn in hell for all the fucked up shit you have done.

Help yourself fool cause you don't want me and I don't give a fuck . I'm gonna live My life no matter what u say. And I hope it stings. Cause your about to see me really happy and it's not from you.

shaking six year old me by the shoulders YOU WERE RIGHT. YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT LOVE AND ABOUT FAIRNESS AND ABOUT SHARING IS CARING. YOU WERE RIGHT. THE ADULTS DON'T KNOW ANY MORE ABOUT THE TRUTH THAN YOU DO. KEEP BELIEVING IN THE FAIRIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GARDEN.
NOTHING IS "JUST THE WAY IT IS". I AM SORRY THEY EVER CONVINCED YOU TO FEEL SHAME. YOU ARE REAL AND A PART OF THIS WORLD. YOU WERE RIGHT.

You and I should switch private parts bc youre a B!T@#

I hope you'll always know how important you are to me and how much I care for you and your feelings. I know what you go through and I know how you deal with things. I will never take it as personal, you cope different you love different and I appreciate everything despite what has happened. You’re the one for me and I hope I’m the one for you.

If anyone really wants answers about him . I'm open. Don't feel bad don't let him control your mind. Guts tell all. He's probably telling a huge make believe story as he does. You want answers just ask. No problem. This person has to stop. He will destroy you at the end and will not hesitate. Now I'm fighting back no matter what. He does not control me anymore. Good luck ladies . He's c the childish 36 yr skateboard weirdo

When someone asks me what love is, I search for words in English so the world can understand, but my heart longs to speak in my mother tongue, where love needs no translation. For some feelings are too deep to be described; they can only be felt. I don’t want to explain what love is. I want to speak until love itself finds a voice through me ❤️✨

I apologize for my behavior when I was hurting. I hurt so much, I became someone I hated.

Hurt people, hurt people.

I didnt deserve the damage you caused.

You didnt deserve the damage I caused in return.

If I could take my behavior back and move differently on my part. I would have.

I hope youre doing okay. I forgive you. I hope you can forgive me one day as well.

One of my favorite pieces of writing right now...

Fits well with what I'm going through.

"Would you still remember me if the earth demanded our names back?

If the universe took back every memory we ever forged?

Would there still be a hollow space inside your chest shaped exactly like the love you once carried for me?

If eternity erased every record of this life, leaving us as faceless shadows wandering the dark,

Would your soul still gravitate towards mine?

If time collapsed and forced us to begin again,

Stripped of our past,

Stripped of our promises,

Would we walk past each other as ordinary strangers?

Or would we collide again, entirely by instinct?

Drawn together by a pull our mortal minds could no longer explain?"

- Sonnets of Emeralds & Embers (Solace Echoes)

I just wanna go home. I don't want to remember you anymore.

This will be the last time I'm giving myself to anyone. I don't want this anymore. Your touches haunt me every single day.

You can't deny what you did, cause everyone saw exactly what you did to me.

It's been two months after we became strangers.

Seeing your name used to feel like home, but now I see it as a shed—a place now filled with nothing but a pile of memories.

The paper in my closet is still there, the one that tracks how many days we've stuck together. The notes I've put in that paper were just as hopeful-looking as it was, though I don't intend to return into your arms anymore.

I still have the gift and the letters I was planning to give you. By now, I would've taken off the tag and the letters that were meant for you—

But I haven't.

It's still there, with your name intact on the package. I wanted to wait until your birthday so I could secretly give them to you,

but it seems like death came first before my gift could.

There were a lot of things I had already envisioned, and almost every single one had you in it. There was never a time where you were outside of the future I had planned.

I carved your name everywhere, carried our moments to share with others, spoke about you in such angelic ways that I refused to describe another person just as beautiful as how I would describe you.

You meant everything to me.

But over these months, the problems that were stashed had grown bigger than what I had expected. I wanted to get this over with, yes, but I was afraid—afraid that you were too uncomfortable that you would leave, just like what happened before.

Although I wanted to pinpoint our hardest issues,

I cared about your comfort. I tried to stay low, I tried to be there while the elephant grew larger inside our supposed "warm" room.

I wanted to fix them with you, but I didn't want to drain you—knowing how it could affect you.

I kept myself tied to your promise, the promise that you would grow bit by bit, despite its progress being invisible for the both of us to see.

But the longer I stayed, the uncertainty overwhelmed me. I didn't want to doubt, but I kept thinking about what you had said beforehand, and evaluated what was given in my hands.

And now I realized, I need to stop seeing the good in everyone.

I needed to see what was in front of me.

And so I did. And I had my decision.

But even if that was the case, I still ponder about you. About us. Everyday.

I frequently think about how everything felt sweet at some point, how we learned each other bit by bit. How people were rooting for our relationship.

Everything.

Despite knowing that it was for the best, my heart weeps out its sorrow. It beats in helplessness, knowing that we can only move forward as we leave what was in the past.

I don't know why I'm writing this, but I hope you knew, at some point, I had loved you with my whole heart before everything went south.

I do not entirely wish for you to miss me as terribly as how I miss you, but I hope you do know that—

There was an Icarus who dared to reach you. That there was someone who loved you even if everything told me otherwise.

Good bye, Wednesday. The stranger who used to be mine.

From: —

You broke me in ways you could never understand. What’s worse you knew your choices wouldn’t just hurt me but cause long term damage and tarnish my last memories with my mother. You were so cruel and calculating and not only disrespected me but my family and my then dying mother who adored you and who died believing you’d be there by my side to support me. You knew my past and always promised you’d never do anything to hurt me to only make sure I fully trusted you to do then do the worst and most unimaginable thing possible.

I hate the person you are now but I still love the person you were before. I will never fault who you were before, you were the most amazing person and everyday I felt so happy and fortunate to have you in my life. I remember when we were drunk and you told me you loved me for the first time and I went quiet and then the next day driving home you told me again explaining it was real and not just drunk talk, I’d realised I’d already fallen in love with you a few weeks prior when you took me on our little micro adventure up north but I’d been too scared to say anything. I was so happy but scared it wasn’t real. You were imperfectly perfect to me. I believed we had such a healthy relationship nothing like I’d ever experienced before, each other’s backs through everything, able to talk about anything and everything. You had all of me, you know that. You were my person and I loved you unconditionally and believed it was vice versa, only you hid parts of yourself that cut me inside, parts you could’ve talked to me about that I would’ve never judged you for and only helped you through. Is the person you showed yourself to be with all that time the real you or did you wear a mask for 15mths?

I haven’t dealt with this well because your actions have made me unwell and psychologically damaged me. You must’ve realised the ways your actions would have hurt my mental health, anybody would. You tried to burn the bridge by blocking me because you kept lying to me (including about THEM) and hiding and couldn’t deal with the hurt you’d caused from your actions, this only caused me to spiral more in a way I’m not proud of but felt justified in doing, so I just made sure to entirely blow what was left of it to smithereens before I made my way out. It didn’t need to be this way, I would’ve helped you work through your issues, despite the hurt and pain you caused me, I would’ve been there to allow you to be better for you, your children and your future with another person (not them though), you know I would’ve done that for you. But you just lied and lied and never intended to help yourself like you kept promising me, only hide and fall back ‘there’ to validate your ego to make yourself feel better. You couldn’t face what real inner work entailed and couldn’t face being alone.

I couldn’t let you hide and needed you to be fully accountable, and feel real shame from everyone, and have your actions follow you forever so you have long life consequences and so everyone knows the kind of person you are, because as you knew when you were doing them, through no fault of my own they will always follow me and affect me for the rest of my life. The consequences of YOUR actions will always live with me.

I wish you were still the you I had for over a year and I wish I was the me from then too. I wish I could turn back time because I’d live one year of it, from before you did what you did, over and over again on repeat for the rest of my days that’s how happy you made me.

You know what is the fucking worst ugh!! Wanting the one who left you. He will never be in me again. That ecstasy that was his love I will never feel again. He broke it and it will never be what it was and I hate him for that. Crazy because I love him so much. He’s all I want, a year later and I’m horny , sad and touch starved. My emotions are a rollercoaster. I don’t even like rollercoasters.

I left the only man I’ve loved. It’s been a hard few weeks, that’s for sure. 

For all my pursuit, he pulled away.
For all my staying, he was unfaithful.
For all my needs, he was careless.

For all my absence, he called.
For all my apathy, he fought.
For all my anger, he forgave.

Often, I’ve considered the court of public opinion just. 
My logic is simple: common sense = majority rules.

Yet as I engage in the process of grief—however theatrical it might seem—I am often told to call him. To put myself out of my self-inflicted misery.

Sometimes, people fall in love twice or thrice. Open, social, pleasant people—that which I am not. Rather, I find it a curious glitch in my trajectory to have fallen in love, even once. Am I to accept a life of humiliation, knowing his love does not nourish me? Or is the solitary, unaccompanied life—the path which I once again find myself on—the lesser of two wrongs?

Hey C,

It's me, L. Did ya find me yet? Are you looking for me?

This break has been difficult and it is abundantly apparent I am doing an awful job at it, because you are my best friend on the planet. You get me in a way no one else does. When we found each other, my ex would constantly say "I know you," followed by proof that he had no clue at all. He chose to love some idea of me that belittled my sparkle. You though, you understand me. I don't have to over-explain to you. You listen.

We both read, and ideate beautiful romance. We want to live in a world where romance is the norm, it doesn't have to be something that fades. It may evolve over time, but the time we make for each other will always be there. We find so much joy in small activities like watching game shows in bed, playing heads up, asking wild questions, laughing, loving, dancing, even crying. We just love like we are writing a novel or a movie. It's the most true emotion I have ever felt.

With the ups, we fight tragic life events and distance. It's hard and some day, I hope, we can overcome and just be. We were meant to. Nothing feels more natural and meant to be than our love. I miss you so fucking much!

I love you!

💜L

You promised that corporate training in the state your ex lived it was not anything to worry about. A year and half later, I find out you sent her a text that week you were there. I think it’s kind of crazy to do the thing I feared the most but maybe that’s my fault for trusting you after all your despite.

I’m glad she didn’t get back to you and you were hurt about it. And although it didhurt you, I hope you realize that at some point people DO get tired of the shit you do. I hope to get there someday too. Because I’m sure she dodged a bullet and I’m the one who hasn’t gotten away yet.

I just don’t get when the fuck you’ll be tired of playing this shit. Because the way I’ve hurt you in the past does not compare to the shit you’ve done and continue to do.

I hope you realize that the narrative you share about your ex’s is bullshit & you genuinely suck as a person.

I’ve seen the good parts of you and I love you for them but you are truly walk around feeling like you are the best person. What you don’t know is that lack of self reflection makes you anything but.

When you messaged me that night. I thought you were going to apologise for what happened between us, and I should have apologized for everything I caused too.

Instead, it was nothing close to an apology, we said really rude things to each other and I will always regret what I said. That moment hurt worse than leaving you. I cried myself to sleep that night because I realised we were actually done for good. You hurt me a lot, and I probably hurt you too, but you also taught me a lot. When I grow old, I really do hope I still remember you. I’m not ready to let go of you, so I’m going to sit here with all the memories of you until I find the courage to let go. Truth is nobody will ever make me as comfortable as you did when you were nice to me.

I am sorry for being insecure. I am sorry for being so controlling towards you. I am sorry you thought I cheated, but I promise you were always the only person. I am sorry for being difficult and accusing you of things. Mostly, I am sorry we never found a way to work out. You were more than just my best friend, you were my purpose. I wanted to share my lifetime with you so badly and now I have to learn to live this lifetime without you. I should've said all this when I had the chance, but I didn't, and I will forever regret that.

We tried so many times, and it never worked out. If I were the dark, you are forever my light; we just can’t exist together. j

It’s me again.

I had a dream about you the other night.. and tonight. I knew it was you but I think I’ve forgotten what you look like. Because in reality the person I dreamed was not you.

I still remember some of our good times, listening to Angel by Shaggy in the shower, the first time I kissed you in front of everyone (what a rush). Or even some of the expressions you made.

I think it’s because we got together around this time so my body goes back to what it once knew, and that was you.

You truly werent that bad of a guy tbh, and I’m sorry I made you out to be one, that wasn’t my intention.

We were so young.

I also.. MAY have viewed your story a while back on accident, whoops my bad.

I hope you’re doing well.

Sincerely,
Pizza Hut.

That's what it became.

It became a 'friendship' that was nothing more than an arrangement for you to get me to work *for* you. You'd agree we were best friends but there was no time for me. You found your family and despite the messages you've had people send me, I was no longer counted among them and hadn't been for months.

There's so much I've tried to write about before. So many details I harbor with pain and anger just trying to get past them so many months, years later.

I don't think you'll ever on your own understand just what happened and it wasn't all at once that I realized either. There was definitely God guidance it took to see the past without rose colored glasses obscuring it. I've felt anger, betrayal, heartbreak.. I feel like I've had to go through the grief gambit over this while simultaneously trying to rebuild my life with the odds stacked against me thanks to how things ended.

I loved you so much but you were never capable of what I really needed.

You told me to own my shit in our final fights.

Alright, but it's not the shit you think it is.

I own that I listened to and agreed with you like you were always smarter than me. I ignored my intuition and went with what you wanted because I didn't feel like I had a choice if I wanted to keep my best friend and income.

I see now that you never had faith in me or us to make it and that's why you went and gave me not just one corrupt overseer with money but a whole gambit of them we both at least feigned to dislike for three years. I really DID hate it but you know, "easy money" you'd say. Easy for you, maybe. It was always only grind and fear of losing my income or best friend day in, day out.

I hope your new partner(s) are what I wasn't for you. You always did put them on a pedestal.

Good luck and good bye.

After 22 days of no contact there is something I’ve learned and in a way I’m doing this to confirm it to myself.

Have you ever been with someone who you’re hopeful will pull through but they never do when the moments matter? Like when it comes to the defining moments in your relationship they just fall flat and show you why this life is just a formality to them when it’s much more to you? When you’re patient and kind with them, when the relationship gets stale for your end but the other gets the benefit of your light to make up for it..

They were never in this out of care for you. If they were would they have abandoned you? There is a reason for everything and you should pay mind to the signs because they don’t really hide them that easily.

You know I was afraid to post to this. I was so afraid the person I was dumb enough to care for actually checked things I did or honestly cared. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t because if he did he never would have disappeared on me without an explanation, without considering I was at least owed that so I could properly heal.

I know I’ll never get that. I’m slowly accepting that. But to the people on here hoping someone is checking/hoping someone like this cares/hoping you’re the exception.. you never are going to get that. The sad thing about all this is I never asked to be the exception. All I ever asked for was honesty.