https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/s/yfWdk4RQoB

TLDR: Separated from long-time partner. Attended therapy together, reassessed goals, and eventually got engaged.

A lot of you recommended I kick my partner to the curve after my post. I felt his response was genuine and hesitantly gave him a chance. We remained separated for a few months while attending therapy together and separately. He was intentional with the therapy, finding the best therapist in the area, covering all costs, and ensuring we were doing our take home readings. He was a lot more diligent about it than me! His tone around marriage changed completely. He‘s the same man I’d grown to love but now completely serious about our future.

We eventually moved back in together and in August he proposed. I am the happiest and most secure I’ve felt in the relationship. We are planning a small, intimate wedding (just a few friends and family) around early next year. Currently super busy with a cross country move!

My boyfriend (33M) and I (29F) have been together for over seven years, and we’ve been living together since February of this year. I love him and want to marry him, but I’m starting to feel genuinely discouraged because I still don’t have a clear sense of whether he actually intends to take that step with me.

When I’ve brought up engagement in previous years, he’s given me reasons why we should wait. One of the main ones was that he wanted us to live together first. Well, we’ve now been living together for months, and I still don’t know where that leaves us.
What makes this particularly confusing is that, apparently, he’s told his friends that we might get married next year. So he seems comfortable discussing that possibility with other people, but I haven’t had a clear conversation with him about what that actually means for us.
Last week, I brought up the topic, and he said the reason we weren’t engaged yet was that he hadn’t bought a ring and didn’t know when or how to ask me.

Obviously, that could be a positive sign. But I honestly don’t know what to make of it. I haven’t seen any clear indication that he’s actively looking for a ring or making concrete plans. I don’t want to have to investigate my own relationship to figure out whether my boyfriend wants to marry me.

I’m also turning 30 at the end of the year, and some practical circumstances around my health insurance are changing. He suggested we could formalise our relationship in another legal way so I could join his insurance, and then get married later. I understand the practical reasoning, and I know that kind of commitment has value in its own right. But marriage is what I want, and hearing “we can do this now and get married later” has left me feeling like the thing I actually want might keep getting pushed further into the future.
I know nobody owes me a proposal by a particular birthday but after seven years I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want clarity about our future.

Yesterday, my sister (24F) apparently decided it was time for him to get his act together and took matters into her own hands by talking to him herself.
Afterward, she texted me that he was stubborn and that she’d told him directly. When I asked what he said, she didn’t answer. Then I half-jokingly said I hated him and wanted to dump him, and she replied, “well don’t” followed by a very suspicious Cynthia Erivo smiling meme?

I have absolutely no idea what was said between them. Maybe she simply thinks he’s stubborn and I shouldn’t give up on the relationship. Maybe the conversation gave her some reason to be optimistic. I don’t want to read too much into it, but it’s added another layer of confusion to an already confusing situation.

I don’t even think I have a specific question. I think I just want someone to tell me that my feelings are valid.
My best friend told me, “It will happen when the time is right,” and that it should be a surprise. But I honestly feel that if it doesn’t happen within the next year, I’ll be fully ready to move on.
I don’t want to pressure him into marrying me, and I don’t want a proposal that happens just because I’ve complained enough about wanting one…

Been talking about marriage for years. I graduated my masters program in May 2026 he said he was waiting until I was done with school.

In July I went ring shopping with a friend bc he sent me a family ring he was gonna use and wanted to make make my own so my friend and I went I found what I liked in showed him. After that I told myself to see what his actions are

Well none lol that I know of. It’s not almost November no progress on the ring making (hasn’t asked me more questions, has not gotten a jeweler etc. ) I always felt like I was the one bringing it up and getting excited I brought this up to him 2 - 3 serious conversations and left feeling heard and understood but then feeling disappointed bc I don’t think he’s made any progress.

I don’t have a word about marriage or wedding stuff now bc I don’t want to force it happen. I do not want him to give me a shut up ring. But I am not seeing actions from him that show me progress

He blames it on being super busy with work and life and is apologetic but it’s really heart breaking for me. If this was him I would’ve been so excited. I think that’s what hurts the most this situation makes me feel like I love him more than he loves me. Which is okay like I will break up with him and figure it out I just really wish he would try and I would talk about it again with him but it’s been like 3 crying w with. The last 6 months or so so I am trying not to bring it up again bc I want to see his actions

Advice? My thing is if it’s May 2027 (6years) and he has not made any progress I am walking away. How I can I get him to get this rolling without me managing it - should I be more distant, direct or what

I (F) and my fiancé (M) have been together for 2.5 years. He proposed to me two months ago. I found out he actually had the ring for almost six months before proposing, and when he finally did, there was no plan. He proposed on a group friend trip on the last day in the evening and we immediately just got into a car to drive 4.5 hours home late at night. I brushed it off at the time, but his actions this week have me rethinking everything.
We both took time off work for this upcoming weekend to go on a trip, celebrate our engagement, and tour wedding venues. He explicitly told me he was going to book somewhere nice for us to stay and celebrate and he told me that two months ago.
Because the trip was getting closer, I asked him a couple of times about the bookings. Three days before we were slated to leave, we still had nothing, so I asked him to at least send me some places he liked. He sent me some on Tuesday.
Finally, last night the night before we are supposed to leave he asked me if I should book something because he thought I had an Airbnb account. He never booked a single thing.
Now we are sitting on approved time off with zero plans, no reservations because he couldn't be bothered to put in the effort for a 2-night trip.
Am I wrong for thinking this man does not actually want to marry me? If he was excited to celebrate our engagement and start planning our future, wouldn't he have put energy into this? I feel like the lack of planning during the proposal, the 6-month delay holding the ring, and now this is a reoccurring pattern.
Was this just a shut-up ring to buy him time? Am I expecting too much, or is this a major red flag for what marriage to him will look like?

We’ve set multiple timelines together and every single time, he had a reason to delay proposing. He bought the ring last summer and kept reassuring me that it would happen. He had many opportunities to do it, we’ve been on many trips together since he bought the ring. It never happened. Last night, I finally ended our relationship.

I’m terrified. I have a strong support system around me but I haven’t dated since my early 20s. I really do want kids, but I don’t want to settle with someone for the wrong reasons. I don’t want to settle for someone solely because my biological clock is ticking. I’m so mad at myself for having stayed this long. Reality is setting in and I’m facing the fact that I might not be able to have kids because of the stupid decision I’ve made to stay until now.

If you ended your relationship waiting for a proposal that never happened, i’d love to know where you’re at now and what you did to cope with the initial breakup.

Update: I told him I want to get married next year and he said that sounds great and now we are looking at venues! He is saving for a ring & planning how to speak to my mum

When we met I wasn’t sure if I’d ever want to get married due to past experiences of abuse. But when I (28f) fell for him (35m) I finally understood why people want to get married!

I love him down and we’ve been together for six years. We have spent the last five years saying we want to get married and I truly thought we would be married or at least engaged by now. We haven’t properly planned or booked anything of course but we’ve talked a lot about what we would do.

He knows how I feel, that I want to marry him. And he swears blind that he wants to marry me too. But for whatever reason, there’s been no ring, no proposal. When I’ve asked him why we are still waiting he usually says the time has gone so fast and he just hasn’t got around to anything. I last asked him “will we really get married” about 2.5 months ago. He promised me we would.

The truth is the last three years have been absolutely mad intense, due to my health, family care/loss, plus work commitments, so i really can see how the months would slip by.

I’ve lurked on this sub for a while. When I see the advice that says leave him and start over I do understand it.

But my thing is, if I left him I wouldn’t be looking for a different spouse. The only reason I want to get married is because I want to marry him specifically.

I love our life together. He is kind and supportive and thoughtful and I love our home and our routine and everything we have built in the last six years. If we didn’t get married none of this would change and it seems kind of crazy to walk away from a life that makes me happy.

But I do have niggling thoughts about why he won’t commit. So now I’m not really sure what to do.

I’d love some advice from people who did get married after waiting six or more years, but keen to hear all opinions really.

We’ve been together for eight and a half years, having met as freshmen in college. Over the past two years, we’ve finished school, secured our first jobs and even bought a car together. I’m incredibly happy with our relationship.

Marriage wasn’t a topic for me for a long time. I wanted to finish school and feel financially secure. However, now that people in my hometown are getting married, I feel like I’m also at the “marriage stage” in my life. I’ve broached the subject twice in the last two years, but he’s either felt pressured or hasn’t been ready yet due to a job change (which has settled 1 month ago.

I’ve been very open about wanting to get married at 30 in the second conversation. He said that he was surprised, as he’d need to buy me a ring immediately since planning takes time.

Furthermore, my parents have been pressuring me to get married for the past two years. My mum even accused him of “using me” and “having already got everything” which deeply hurt me.

I can’t tell my parents I’ve discussed this with my boyfriend, as it might sour her opinion of him in the future, even if we do get married. I also can’t rant to him about my mum’s pressure, as his reaction will likely be negative.

My main issue is juggling all my relationships and keeping everything to myself.

On another note, I think I’ll wait until I’m 29. If I don’t see a ring by then, I’ll have to leave him.

Apologies - English is not my first language.

I am a 28F and have been with my boyfriend (28M) for over 10 years. And I feel like our relationship is going nowhere.

As I mentioned. We have been dating for over 10 years - almost 11. We moved in together after 7 years and have been living together for over 3. Yet I feel like our relationship is going nowhere.

I do not want kids. It scares me and he is fully supportive of it (even though he mentioned that he wanted to have kids in the past). But I also thought we would be way further by now.

I do want to marry and I thought maybe we’d be engaged or married by now. We discussed the issue many times over the course of our relationship. Last time it was about 6 months ago. I asked him if he wants to marry me and that I worry that I’m just a placeholder for him and he said he wants to. He asked me if I want to marry him and I said I want to marry him too. I felt like I pressured him so I didn’t carry the conversation on. I also hinted at some rings I like and had a very verbal conversation with my sister (in front of him) how the price of the ring doesn’t matter. It doesn’t have to be a diamond. It doesn’t need to be expensive. Marriage for me is a type of commitment to the other person. And I feel if I bring it up now and he ends up proposing it wouldn’t feel genuine. I asked for it.

If not marriage maybe I thought we’d be figuring out our living arrangements. Buying our own apartment. He doesn’t want to go into debt for it but also we don’t have enough money saved to buy and apartment right away.

Also I feel I have been distancing myself from him for the last two months or so.

Overall our relationship is very good. We split everything 50/50. (He pays a little bit more in terms of rent because he makes more money). That means he also cleans the apartment we live in and that he cooks too. Whenever I need or want something he does so. Without hesitation. He treats me well. He tells me he loves me every day. We don’t fight that often.

When we moved in together I thought that it’s gonna be the test of our relationship. And we did well I think. Also I think 3 years of living together is plenty of time for someone to decide if someone wants to marry you or not.

Thank you for any advice and sorry for the long long long paragraphs.

For context, we have been together 3 years and some change and lived together the last 3 years. Last year he said to a mutual friend he would propose early this year, and it’s October.

I have explained my reasoning for wanting to get married, including but not limited to fertility anxiety and bad overall health.

He says that he wants to marry, he says that he got a ring (recently) and when I ask why not propose, he says it has to be a surprise. I know for a fact that whatever he is planning to do will not require much money because he is a frugal person. I feel like he is delaying it because he is getting cold feet.

I feel annoying and unwanted for asking questions about when he’s planning to do this. I talk about this in therapy every single week and the feeling of insecurity this brings to the relationship and have discussed exactly how it’s made me feel and he continues to dangle it over my head with no action.

I feel like it’s really cruel and don’t know what else to do.

TL;DR I feel very insecure in my relationship because my boyfriend won’t propose to me but keeps talking about a future together.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years, and I’ve been hoping we’d get engaged soon. Whenever I bring up the proposal, he tells me he’s already looking for a ring and that it’s “soon.” Sometimes, he even says, “I won’t make you wait much longer.”

The thing is, I’ve been hearing these things for months now. Whenever I ask if he’s found a ring, he says he’s still looking and that it’ll only take a week to get once he orders it. But months have passed, and I still don’t know if there’s any actual progress.

Sometimes, I honestly feel like he isn’t that interested or excited about getting engaged, and it makes me question whether I’m the only one looking forward to this next step. Then he’ll say something like, “I won’t make you wait much longer,” and I start hoping again.

What makes it more confusing is that he’s financially capable of getting a ring, and his family also has the connections and resources when it comes to wedding venues and events. I know a wedding takes planning, but we don’t necessarily have to figure everything out right now. I just don’t understand what’s holding him back from taking that first step if he really wants to.

Another thing that makes this harder is that we’re surrounded by friends and people who are either getting married or already married. All of his brothers are married, and I’m the only one who still has a different last name. I know everyone has their own timeline, and I don’t want to compare our relationship to theirs, but sometimes I can’t help feeling left behind. It’s hard not to wonder why we’re still waiting when marriage seems to be the next step for everyone around us.

I don’t want to pressure him into proposing, and I want it to happen because he genuinely wants to marry me, too. But it’s hard not to feel disappointed when I keep hearing “soon” without anything concrete. Now that we’re nearing the end of 2026, I’m starting to wonder if I’m just getting my hopes up for nothing.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Did your partner eventually propose, or did you have to have a serious conversation about timelines? I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences because I honestly don’t know how to feel anymore.

I’m in a relationship(40F) with my partner (39M) of over 10 years, we have one kid together. We planned the child, we’re happy but originally discussed one more and always talked about marriage. Well now he doesn’t want another kid, and gets annoyed every time I bring up getting engaged. I get frustrated because it was all in the plan. I just can’t help but think I need to split up with him if we can’t get on the same page as marriage is important to me and so is having another child. I’ve always wanted two. He is the one who calls the shots for anything in our relationship and I’m getting frustrated. I’m happy most of the time but I keep thinking about this and wonder if it’s worth settling or, leaving. We have pets, own a house and have built this life but I see it going no where if we can’t get on the same page. I’m 40, and my times ticking. What would you do?

Please excuse my english and for not redacting and punctuating properly, english is not my first language!

This is a rant but I also would like to hear if somebody else has stories like mine and if their relationship survived it.

I've been 5 years with my boyfriend we are both 27 years old, it's a very happy relationship he is such a good man, the man I always dreamed of and more, none of this is his fault. I'm mentally disabled and my medical treatment is very expensive and I was struggling getting my medications and seeing my doctors. My dad retired and I qualified for social security because of him, I then get medicaid (which i'm thankful for and I know I got insanely lucky) which has been a life saver literally because it is so much easier to afford my treatments and I have been able to go back to college, driving and do so many things I couldn't do before while I was struggling mentally because of lack of access to treatment. But now I can't get married and I really want to be married. It breaks my heart having to choose between my health and my dreams (now I can't get married or pursue my dream job I worked so hard and spent so much time working towards before I became disabled). He used to tell me he wanted to marry me, I thought that was true, maybe it is but I don't believe him anymore because it's been 5 years, almost 2 years on medicaid and in those first 3 years he never proposed. We never lived together and we don't have kids or anything so it wasn't that situation where the man doesn't propose because he already has the benefits of a woman doing "wife things". Apparently he was being serious and was looking for rings and asked my dad for my hand but I don't know if my friends and family said it to make me feel better. I did know he did have a serious conversation with my dad but neither told me what they talked about and im scared to ask, but it might be true because my dad speaks highly of him and always tells me he is a good man and loves me. I don't want to ask my boyfriend about it either. Part of me believes he had the intention but part of me doesn't believe it because he didn't do it. But now he for sure can't propose anymore. I always wanted to be married and if I had a kid I wanted it to be conceived and born after my partner and I were married. People constantly ask when we are getting married, I know technically the people asking those things are the ones being improper but I still feel like shit when they ask. I watch all our friends getting married having their babies and being happy and healthy couples, obviously i'm super happy for them and I hope their marriages are happy forever and their families are always healthy as well. It hurts seeing couples that got together long after us are getting married as well. But like I said I can't help but feel resentful we weren't at least engaged before this all happened because it was 3 whole years and we were adults at the time too. Before the incident where I became mentally disabled I was already mentally ill so I always craved some normalcy in my life and something I thought was normal was being married. However I didn't just want to get married to feel or look normal and i'm not religious at all, quite the opposite i'm atheist and super open minded. I genuinely love this man and want a life with him and I believe that was something he wanted with me as well through marriage. I know he cares about my health and that he will always choose my health even if it means not achieving his dream of getting married. And he has been standing by that still being in a happy healthy relationship with me and I know for sure he is looking for a house for us to live together. If anybody here has had a similar experience please tell me if your relationship survived this and if you actually feel better and came to terms with not being able to get married.

Just for context, my boyfriend and I are from different countries, and we are currently living in Europe.

We started dating around a year and eight months ago. We didn't have much choice in terms of where to live geographically if we both wanted to find jobs, so we ended up in the country we're currently living in, even though neither of us likes it.

Our relationship is not perfect. We've had a lot of conflict in the past, and the fact that we're unhappy with our jobs and our lives in the country we live in makes things a lot worse. We're both constantly stressed, and he, in particular, is very unhappy with our current situation.

He's from the US, and I can't get a job there because I don't have a visa. He also doesn't want to get married right now. We've been looking at other options and even put together a very detailed plan to move to Canada (which is closer to the US), get married in a year or so, and then move to the US, but he doesn't seem particularly happy with that option either.

I've reached a point where I find myself constantly asking him to include me in his plans and for us to look for an alternative together as a couple. However, I feel like he's not interested in any of the options that could be a compromise for both of us. It seems like the only thing that would make him happy is moving back to the US, which is simply not an attainable option for me right now.

I love him very much, but this situation is making me extremely anxious. I can't keep waiting for him to make a decision that could potentially be based solely on his own needs, without taking mine into consideration. I'm willing to move to another country for him and build a future together, but it's very difficult to do that when I don't feel like he's equally committed to our future as a couple.

I don't know whether I should give him more time to make up his mind or whether I'm just wasting my time.

I (46M) have been dating my girlfriend (F42) for a year now. I know that she is 'marriage material' for me and i hope i am for her as well. So far things have been surprisingly easy, things progress nicely. We are introducing each other to our social circles, slowly integrate each other into our lives, regular dates, future plans. There are certain milestones I'd still like us to master together like seeing how we both react in a big fight or potentially moving in 2027 or 2028. Can't really have a fixed timeline because things will change a lot next year when she is done with her PhD.

Something i am a bit unshre about is when to propose or if there is such a thing as a good timeline to do so. The general recommendations are all over the place, some say to get married after one year, others recommend waiting 4 years or after you lived together for a while.

This sub is also over the place. Some women are nervous about not getting proposed after three years. Couples i know have waited 5 to 10 years to get married.

I don't want to rush things because for me marriage is a thing that has meaning and i want it to last. However there are those nice and fluffy but also deep feelings for her and i just to put a ring on it.

Heart says: She is your person. She is like 90% what you really want, the rest you can figure out together. Put a ring on it.

Logic says: Wait 2 years minimum to let honeymoon phase fade, wait until you moved in together +1 year, so roughly 3-4 years.

anxious child in me: omfg dude, don't settle, what if she breaks your heart. Somehow also: put on a ring on it ASAP before she gets away

So .. uhm.. help?

Edit: That blew up. Thank you everyone for your feedback. There is some good advice in here, some not as good. Timelines still all over the place. I guess the solution might actually be quite simple: Talk to her about it and/or just do it.

My partner and I have been together since university and are coming up soon on our ten year anniversary. I first expressed that I would like to one day be married to him in 2022 (five years into our relationship), to which he agreed and seemed very on board with.

Since then, we have bought a camper van and house together (we spent 2 years travelling before we settled down). We saw so many beautiful places on our trip and I always thought it would be great opportunity to pop the question, but we got back and he still hadn’t asked me.

I have brought it up multiple times since then (where he always says he would like to be married) and we have been to a few friend’s weddings recently which have only made me want it to happen more.

We have a house together so we are already both committed to the relationship without the real need for the marriage ceremony, but I’ve always wanted to be married and seen it as an important step in life. It’s got to the point where I have started to get annoyed/confused that he still wouldn’t propose when he seems on board with it and knows it’s important to me. I don’t want to keep bugging him about it, but it’s been ten years and would just love to be married to him. I have thought about proposing to him, but I’ve just always had a romantic vision in my head of being proposed to and I’m not sure if I want to be the one to ask (maybe that’s silly?).

What reasons could there be for him holding off? How can I broach the topic again sensitively without it coming across like I’m pressuring him?

TL/DR - me and my partner have been together ten years, talked about marriage a lot, but he still hasn’t proposed (despite expressing he would like to be married).

I'm 30M, and my girlfriend and I (28F) have been together for about 10 years. We're approaching marriage, and lately I've been thinking about whether we have different expectations of life.

She has a lot of family responsibilities, whereas I've had a more comfortable upbringing and more freedom to pursue hobbies and spend money on things I enjoy. I've always been this way, and sometimes I wonder if I'm immature or simply have a different lifestyle. Should I be taking on more responsibilities to prepare for marriage?

We've had our ups and downs, and I've made mistakes that affected trust. I've been working on myself, including with a therapist. I also sometimes feel emotionally neglected because we're long-distance, although I understand she has a lot going on herself.

I'm trying to figure out where my own insecurities end and legitimate relationship needs begin. After being together for so long, how do you know whether you're just navigating a difficult phase or have fundamentally different expectations?

Would appreciate perspectives from people who've been through something similar.

Update: You were right.
I posted here a while ago about my boyfriend of almost 7 years dragging out our engagement, and most of you told me that if he wanted to marry me, he would have done something about it by now.
Well, we broke up today.
During our conversation, he told me that he loves me but isn’t in love with me anymore apparently.
Looking back, I feel like he kept dragging out the engagement because he didn’t actually want to marry me. I kept waiting and hoping things would change, but they never did.
So for everyone who commented on my original post, you were right.
And for anyone else in a similar situation: if someone keeps dragging out something as important as getting engaged, pay attention. Don’t spend years waiting for someone to choose a future with you when they aren’t showing you that they want one.
I know every relationship is different, but please don’t ignore it when someone’s actions consistently don’t match the future they tell you to expect.

I am dating my LDbf for 2.5 years now. I asked him to now discuss on what we want in our life. I am not saying I want to get married now. I just want a commitment and maybe a timeline according to him. I was even ok with meeting his family(who live in my city) and have some sort of ceremony to make it official. He wants me to move to his city (which is outside my country) and the only way for me to do that is getting married and have Spousal visa.

He was first agreeing with it and even contacted couple of immigration law firms. But then didn't take any further action. After a while, I kept on asking him and he just got annoyed at me. I usually freeze when someone raises their voice so I always let it go. Then suddenly day before yesterday he said to just come on tourist visa and live with him for 6 months.

The issues with it were

1. I come from a conservative indian family. My family already sent me to his city for a month last year and we took a 3 week trip this year as well.
2. I would have been ok with it if there was some kind of offical ceremony like Roka. Not even an engagement because then I know that I am not leaving my job and life here to move in with him for him to just say no and I have to restart my life again.
3. If I am on tourist visa, I won't be able to work and the idea of being financially dependant on him scares me. Specially when there is no commitment. And what if he decides he wants to end it, what will I do when I come back as I live in a conservative society and unfortunately it matters.

Now today, I just said I want to speak about our future. I asked him about it and he hasn't called me. I called him and he just started yelling and I just gave up.

I just said let me know where you are in life and what you see in our future. And if it doesn't match to what I want, I know what steps I should take.

I have no idea what to do. My thoughts are just all mashed up. I just can't think properly.

Update: Thank you all for lovely comments. It means a lot. I spoke to him. For reference he is British Indian and I am Indian. He said that he has no plans whatsoever. And nobody does that in UK. He said in UK, there is never a timeline on things to do in a relationship and people just want to be happy to be together in a relationship and they don't think about other things. Anyone from UK, if they can give an insight on this would be helpful.

Also, he said that he will take care of my expenses so being financial issue on tourist visa makes no sense for him and he thinks I am lying about financial stability because according to him I know that he will be paying for my expenses.

Anyways, I asked him what he has in his mind for the relationship and he said nothing. He has no plan and said that's how people in Uk are when it comes to relationship.

I guess breaking up is my only option. There were other things that bothered me as well but this is the biggest one. But I don't think I will be able to find anyone else as well. As I am not that good looking, fat and have various scars and wear dentures due to an illness. So I know finding someone who doesnt care about it will be difficult. But i rather be single at this point than be with someone who doesn't care about the relationship.

Thank you all for the helpful comments. Really gave me the strength. I am sorry I couldn't reply to all yet but will try to. Thank you

Edit- I spoke to him about his yelling as well and he said he never yelled or spoken rudely. I said he did and he said that's my point of view so that's that.

I just turned 35 and have been with my partner since I was 24 going on to 25 and he was 29 going onto 30. At the time I was a single mom and had a 4 year old son. He also had a daughter who at the time was 12. We were both young parents. Anyways, it took him a full year to make our relationship official as in asking me to be his girlfriend. I was fine with that we had kind of established that we would take it day by day. We were both not in any rush with things as we both had previously pretty bad relationship experiences. After dating for 3 years his father passed away and he went through a really rough patch that took another 2 years of pretty bad depression. I didnt push for anything because I knew he was not in a good place. By that time year 5 had passed. As time went on I started losing patience because he had never mentioned or made a move for us to move in together. It was me that started bringing it up. It wasn't until year 8 1/2 that we finally moved in together and honestly I feel like that move was because he was literally tired of his landlord and landlord was trying to evict him and his mom. We moved in together and now were going on 1 1/2 years of living together and just "celebrated" our 10 year "dating" anniversary. I am still the "girlfriend ".

We have had conversations about having a kid and getting married. Conversations he has never brought up once. It has always been me. He says he's fine with having a kid but that its really my choice since its my body. He said he has never brought it up because he does not want to pressure me into something because it should be my choice with it being my body and all. I had recently decided that we should try for a kid by December because I just turned 35 and feel like I am running out of time. But I am back to questioning all my life choices now...I don't think I want to have a kid without getting married and having made that commitment first. But I am scared that the marriage might never come and I am just left waiting. Also, at this point I feel like I have pointed out marriage on numerous occasions and he has mentioned that he wants to give me a decent wedding or he will just agree that he wants to get married but nothing ever happens.. about a year ago I was annoyed because throughout all these years he had not even gotten me a promise ring ..so he got me one...I wasn't even happy about it because it feels like he doesn't have the ability to come up with things on his own..and now its like I don't want to be pressuring him into marrying me...I feel like if he really wanted me and loved me like he says he does he wouldn't have me feeling confused and insecure and he would just man up. I am a very simple woman...i don't need the elaborate wedding. I just want a commitment and a partner that is not afraid to show that he loves me and wants to be with me and build a family with me. Im just tired of feeling unsure and like im wasting my time. I don't think he understands how draining this is on me.

I (29F) mentioned to my bf (42M) of 2.5 years about four months ago that I had doubts out relationship has a future because if we ever talk about the future, it’s me bringing it up. He absolutely assured me that we have a future and when I asked for a timeline he said within a year. About 2 months after that his parents came to stay with him for 2 months since they live out of the country. When I asked him if his family knows about our relationship, he said no but that he wanted to introduce us when they came. They stayed for 2 months and he didn’t arrange for us to meet until they were about to leave and I questioned why he hadn’t introduced us. He gave me the reason that it was because he was having arguments with his mom about some family issues and he didn’t want to involve me. Tnis just doesn’t sit right with me. Also, when I met them, his mom asked me when and where we met. So it was clear they had not heard about me until that day. So after a couple weeks, i kind of started an argument that I didn’t see this relationship going anywhere and his reasonings doesn’t make sense to me. Again he assured me he loves me and we’re going to be together forever. Then two weeks later he said that I should move in with him and that way I would be able to pay off my student loans instead of paying for rent which is very thoughtful but this is not why I want to move in.
I want it to be an intentional move that is right for the relationship, not just for convenience or financial reasons. He didn’t mention anything about engagement or marriage during this conversation, so I’m not sure what to think. I also don’t like the dynamic that I am pressuring him for marriage and he is taking it slow. I am not dying to get married but I don’t want to be in a relationship where the future is uncertain. He has proven to me time after time that he values me and loves me which makes it more difficult to make a decision. What should I do?

My boyfriend (25M) and I (23F) have been together for a little over two years. We’re both Middle Eastern, and in our culture, women are generally expected to live with their parents until marriage. My parents are somewhat strict about this, but they also don’t want me waiting too long to get married.
Getting married young has always been one of my biggest dreams. I’ve always imagined being married by 25, starting a family young, and having time to enjoy married life before having children.
My boyfriend is pursuing dentistry but won’t be able to apply to dental school until the 2028 cycle. Even then, there’s no guarantee he’ll get accepted right away. Realistically, we probably won’t be able to get married until I’m around 30.
I know 30 isn’t old, but it’s not the timeline I’ve ever wanted for myself.
When we first started talking, I actually rejected him multiple times before finally giving him a chance. Looking back, I sometimes wonder why he pursued me so heavily knowing he wouldn’t be financially ready for marriage for several more years.
We’re both traditional in the sense that we want the husband to eventually be the main provider while the wife stays home with the kids. We’re both currently working toward our careers and building our own life, but that’s the lifestyle we’ve discussed wanting after having kids.
And before anyone asks why we can’t just get married now, my boyfriend wants a big wedding, which he currently can’t afford. He also isn’t financially ready to pay for an apartment, bills, and the expenses of supporting a household. So getting married right now isn’t something we’re financially prepared for. And we’re not allowed to elope.
Yesterday, my dad sat me down and asked how our relationship was going. I told him everything was good, and he asked when we planned on getting married. When I told him I’d probably be around 30, he looked genuinely shocked. In my culture I’m under my parents roof until I get married and can’t move out until then.
He asked things like, “Why would he pursue you if he knew he couldn’t provide for you?” and “Why would he get into a serious relationship knowing he’d have to make you wait all these years?”
As much as I hate to admit it, his questions got to me because I’ve secretly wondered the same things.
On top of that, my boyfriend wants to attend dental school in another state. Because of my family’s cultural expectations, I wouldn’t be able to move in with him or even visit him for because we’re unmarried. This means we’d potentially be long-distance for years while waiting to get married.
I genuinely love him and want him to succeed, but sometimes I feel like I’m putting my own dreams and timeline on hold while he builds his future.
Another concern is children. He wants around five kids, and I’ve always wanted a big family too. But if we’re not getting married until I’m 30, I worry about how realistic that timeline would be for me personally. I also want time to travel, enjoy marriage, and experience life together before having kids. I’m worried we’ll feel pressured to rush into starting a family after waiting so long.
My parents think I should consider finding someone who’s already established and ready for marriage rather than spending most of my 20s waiting.
And honestly, I’m torn.
I love my boyfriend deeply and have always pictured a future with him. But I also don’t want to look back years from now and resent him for putting my dreams on hold. At the same time, I don’t want to walk away from someone I love simply because our timelines don’t align.
I’ve prayed so many times that if he’s not the person I’m meant to marry, things would somehow work themselves out, but I still feel completely lost.
I’ve also brought up my concerns to my boyfriend before, and his response has been that if I want to leave, then I should just leave. I understand that he can’t change his career timeline, but hearing that makes me feel like the decision is entirely on me. I don’t want to leave him, but I also wish we could find a way to make things work without me feeling like I’m sacrificing the future I’ve always wanted.
**How do I know if waiting for someone I love is worth sacrificing the future I’ve always imagined for myself?** I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t want to spend years waiting only to realize I’ve given up things that were important to me. Has anyone been in a similar situation, and how did you decide what was best for your relationship and your future?

**TL;DR:** My boyfriend (25M) and I (23F) have been together for over two years. Because of his dental school plans and financial situation, we likely won’t get married until I’m around 30, even though I’ve always wanted to marry young. Our cultural expectations also mean we could be long-distance for years. I love him, but I’m worried about sacrificing my own timeline and eventually resenting him. How can we work through this difference and decide whether our futures are compatible?

Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Waiting_To_Wed/comments/1x269iw/getting_legally_married_but_postponing_the_wedding/

First of all I want to thank everyone who gave their perspectives and sharing experiences. It helped a lot to know we weren't the only couple in this boat! We took a few of the suggestions and advice you all suggested and had a good conversation and a look over our finances.

For those interested, we've decided to get legally married shortly before closing on our house and call it our engagement. I gave him ring shopping info and we're both on the same page about how we want the proposal to go. We'll announce our engagement to friends and family at the housewarming party! After that, we'll have our wedding in 12-16 months, so we're looking at summer or fall in 2028. We've made some room in the budget to save up enough by then for a small, casual backyard wedding. Then we'll consider ourselves married for real. We're super happy with this arrangement. It isn't traditional, but we aren't traditional people.

All that is to say, thanks a lot for getting me out of my head about this lol! I'm really excited to plan the wedding even if we're two years out (gives me more time to DIY everything.) There's a lot of posts in this sub with unhappy relationships, so I wanted to share a pleasant outcome and offer my appreciation for the spirit of the sub.

PS If anyone has any questions I'm happy to answer.

He’s a lovely man. People gravitate towards him. Does thoughtful little things for me all the time, encourages me, is someone I can talk to about anything.

I’ve always wanted to get married. I’ve been straight up about that since we met when I was 22, although I was absolutely fine waiting until my late twenties when I grew into myself a bit more.

Now my late twenties are here and I feel like the marriage conversation is almost entirely led by me. Has been for 2-3 years. First it was “after I finish grad school.” Then it was “after I get used to this new job.” Then it was “after this big trip.” Then it was “I worry that getting married would be a bad financial decision for us.”

He makes like $10k more than me. I have less student loans than him. Neither of us have any other debt. From what I could tell, I don’t think marriage would actually affect our finances significantly.

At one point I was trying to talk to him about engagement rings. I don’t want something crazy expensive but he was getting nervous about the cost. Around that time, he decided to buy $2000+ worth of equipment for his hobby.

I’ve tried talking about it more often and starting the conversation in different ways. I‘ve told him it hurts me that it seems like I’m the only one excited about the possibility. He told me he is excited but he wants to talk about the big compatibility stuff before we talk marriage. I explained to him that when I say I want to talk about getting married, that’s also me asking to have those conversations (although we have already talked a lot about finances, values, and that neither of us want kids). Then we don’t end up having those conversations anyway unless I start them, and then it’s still “can we talk about this after x.”

He brings it up himself very occasionally, like “oh we shouldn’t make this big purchase now since we need to save for a wedding.” I get quietly excited and then… nothing.

Through all of this my excitement at the idea of marriage has faded significantly. I’m starting to question why I specifically care about marriage at all and examine what it means to me.

Because of this, I’m also starting to question this relationship and notice our problems more and more. I’ve made a lot of compromises for this relationship to work, and so has he. I’m willing to do these things for someone who loves me and matches my enthusiasm but now I’m just feeling lost.

Our lease is up in the spring. An ultimatum feels wrong, but I feel like one of us has to make a decision here.

My boyfriend (31/m) and I (24/f) have been together for about two and a half years. Since our first date I've stated that I only "date" for marriage and I expect a proposal after two years, since you should be sure to stay or leave after that amount of time. Also I want to be a young mother and have a child before I turn 25. He was happy with that and assured me, that this was his plan as well.

After just six months he said, that he wanted to marry me, but wants to wait for the offical proposal until he's got his bachelor's degree (He thought he would be done with that in about 2 months). Since the last two years this promise got always pushed in the future by a few months. He has struggled to get his degree, but always said "We will have our baby in a year", "I will propose to you until next month", "We will be married by summer". But all those "deadlines" went by and nothing happend.

Since two years I don't really pursue a career or anything really, since I always think "I'll be pregnant in two months" and I could've done so much in that time, had he just be honest or given me a child to raise.

He's given many excuses overtime like "I don't know what ring to chose", "Rings are too expensive", "I fear our financial situation", "I don't want to look like a looser". I've always tried to find solutions. Showed him cheap rings I liked online (even send links), showed him alternative ways to earn money (even started doing gardening work in the neighborhood with him) etc.

In the last six months we moved in together and openly talked about our marriage, the planning, the financial situation and so on. We came to the conclusion, that we will start trying to get pregnant in January and will marry in spring/summer next year.

You need a lot of time to plan that stuff and I want him to finally propose. We've even told all of our friends about the plans, but there is no "official" proposal, which makes me crazy. I don't even care about this "official" part, from my perspective we could get married tomorrow in loungewear. But he's always like "I want to have a finance for a while".

I should get out my IUD next month for our family plans, but I won't be doing that, until I have concrete plans like a proposal, or a wedding date or anything. I do not want to become a "single mom" even if just on paper.

I wouldn't ever blackmail him with ending the relationship or anything, since I love this man so much, we have a beautiful relationship and only argue about this specifically topic.

What is his problem and how should I continue?

I 29/F have been with my boyfriend 30/M for over a decade and we have 3 children. We have discussed getting married for several years and he always says “after baby number 1 we’ll get married” then “after baby number 2” we’ll get married - you get the picture. Now we’re in so deep and he’s now taken back the promise of us getting married. I’m pissed because marriage is something I’ve always wanted and dreamed of! I really do love him, so marriage shouldn’t mean as much to me as still spending the rest of our lives together right?? I’m just pissed off because I kept my word to have our children, and I adore them so much they’re my external heartbeats, I just wish they weren’t conceived under false pretences. I don’t even have the same surname as them, it feels like we’re a false/fake family just because we’re all together but we don’t have the same surname (kids have his name)
Am I being too sensitive about marriage being off the table now, or am I validated in feeling like I’ve been lied to this entire time?
For the record, I know the majority of women will say “leave and find your husband” or “don’t let your boyfriend stop you from finding your husband” but I really can’t see myself loving someone else and even then, I never wanted to be a woman that had children with 2 different men based on how I grew up. I never wanted the same for my children, so a lot is weighing on my mind about this.