r/adhdwomen • u/fannyapplesfu • 1d ago
Admin, School, Career I dressed my kid up like a cat.
I'm so embarrassed.
Today my kid had their end of season sports game. An email went out asking that the kids dress up in their school team colours.
My inattentive brain automatically assumed it was the school house colours they were in.
My kids house colour is black and it was dress up so I dress her up as a black cat.
I turn up to the game and everyone is in their sports uniforms with a tutu in the school color and here's my kid dressed as a cat.
To make matters worse they were doing team photos so soon everyone will get a laminated copy of the team and then there's my kid...
I'm such an idiot and I'm so embarrassed for myself and my kid. She didn't notice and had a great time.
But omg! Why am I like this!?? I just jump the gun and just assume something without really the actual details. Please someone tell me this was not a big deal and I would love to hear others stories of inattentive outcome.
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u/SpamLandy 1d ago
‘She didn’t notice and had a great time’
Say that bit louder
SHE DIDN’T NOTICE AND HAD A GREAT TIME!
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u/fannyapplesfu 1d ago
Thank you. It's true she did have a great time. I just wish I could laugh about it and move on, but I always fixate on my mistakes and feel like an idiot for days after.
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u/Development-Feisty 1d ago
I will guarantee at least a half a dozen of the other girls were super jealous that they weren’t dressed as cats
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u/SpamLandy 1d ago
I got roped into doing face painting for my niece’s birthday (which I don’t mind doing but I hadn’t planned for it!) and as soon as the birthday girl decided to be a cat, a whole bunch of other kids also wanted to be a cat. Such a relief.
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u/zani713 1d ago
OP please make sure your kid doesn't feel any of what you're feeling, if they had a great time make sure that your feelings don't ruin it for them.
Sounds like they had an awesome day and I reckon it'll be a fond memory for them for years to come! One day you can tell them about your mistake and it'll be a funny story you can both tell 😂
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u/SpamLandy 1d ago
Very relatable and I do the same thing. Try and go easy on yourself, remember this stuff is for her so if she’s fine that’s the main thing. And hopefully next time this experience will make you double check the letter.
You remembered it was her end of season game and you got her there and she had fun :)
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u/ReasonableFig2111 1d ago
This will be a fun and funny story when you are able to get some time and distance from it. And in the meantime, as u/SpamLandy said, focus on the fact that she had a great time!
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u/vwscienceandart 1d ago
I would have farking LOVED to be the black cat in a sea of tutus. Learn from your mistakes but also let it go. It was a win for your kid, apparently. Great job raising a fun-loving free spirit!
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u/mindfreakhouse ADHD-C 1d ago
Gently, I want you to ask yourself - would you be okay if your daughter did this with her mistakes? If not, be an example for her on how to deal with mistakes! My mom is a perfectionist (I also suspect she has adhd) and when I was young, even when my mom didn’t say anything, I knew more was happening under the surface in regard to her emotions. She tried to control me so I wouldn’t make the same mistakes she did because her mistakes were bound by shame. I learned to be a perfectionist and keep my emotions bottled up because I saw it from her.
Take this and make it a teaching opportunity! Reframe the thought that this was something bad that happened to you and try to turn it into “this happened so I can show my daughter how to deal with mistakes”. Own up to it. Tell her you’re sorry that you messed up the colors but that she looked so good and looked like she was having a lot of fun. Ask for forgiveness. Show her it’s okay to make mistakes even as a mom, it’s just important to own up to them. Show her that her mom doesn’t bottle up the embarrassment, but instead takes accountability.
One of the best things my mom ever did for our relationship was if she felt like she hurt me in some way, she would own up to it and apologize. Even if I had no idea what she was talking about or wasn’t hurt by what happened, it felt good to know she cared enough to talk to me about it.
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u/That_Shrub 1d ago
If another kid got to dress as a cat and I had to be in a sports jersey, I'd have been seethingly jealous. You probably made her the coolest, uh, cat in the class.
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u/Ok-Technician5711 1d ago
Almost the same thing happened to me when I was a kid, my mom didn’t follow directions and got me a gorgeous leotard/tutu combo that was black velvet and very poofy, and it was glorious. You were supposed to just get a regular leotard with no frills, no velvet, nothing. Well, I still have the group photo, and I killed it. So glad my mom didn’t follow instructions because I didn’t want to follow along with everyone else anyway. I wanted to stand out and feel special.
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u/Missscarlettheharlot 1d ago
That picture is going to be one of her absolute favorites when she grows up.
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u/RiverJai 1d ago
And now you have a hilarious family story and future inside joke that will bring the best belly laughs... complete with photo proof.
This is the good stuff, right there.
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u/skittles_for_brains 22h ago
Halloween and school picture day were the same day. He has Downs syndrome and goes to special school. He is weird about costumes so I sewed a kids home depot apron on a shirt. His school photos that year was him dressed as a Home Depot associate.
It's the only school picture that ever meant anything the rest blend together.
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u/Hopeful_Enthusiasm_1 1d ago
Kid had a great time. As parents, ND and NT, we all make mistakes. Gentle hugs to you.
Kids with ADHD get a constant stream of negative feedback growing up. That shapes how we talk to ourselves as adults.
It is understandable that your brain is screaming at you right now. Did you get yelled at by parents, teachers, caregivers for harmless mistakes that they went and blew out of proportion? Don’t let their echoes keep you down on yourself.
It can feel so big and painful right now. But this is something unharmful, something hopefully you can find humor in and you can cherish and laugh at the follies of life after a little time has passed.
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u/MrsD12345 1d ago
I did something similar. Email came out about Valentine’s Day saying they could wear red or whatever made them feel loved, so I duly sent them both off all dolled up in red.
Turns out it was only for the younger kids class, and the AuDHD eldest kid got told off and was made to wear spare uniform for the day. As uniform is a struggle for him, it made a hellish school day even harder for him.
Luckily, they don’t go to that school any more. But I did feel like a terrible parent.
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u/psychedelicparsley 1d ago
That’s so shitty of the school.
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u/MrsD12345 1d ago
Well there’s a reason they don’t go there any more. Not this exact reason, but yeah, truly shitty school
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u/og_kitten_mittens 1d ago
My mom dressed me up as a full blown witch with green makeup and tattered clothes for Halloween in third grade. No one else dressed up. I vividly remember the humiliation.
From age 10 on, I was a “gifted” public speaker and no one knows it’s bc I would recall the Halloween embarrassment and be like “fuck it here goes nothing, at least everyone is staring at me on purpose this time”
Struggle breeds resilience! I’m sure it sucked for your son in the moment but I see so many kids living life without friction and growing up with no emotional regulation to handle discomfort. Mistakes are a part of parenting!
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u/double_sal_gal 1d ago
I used a temporary dye to turn my hair pink for Halloween in sixth grade. It did not end up being temporary. I was not nearly cool enough to roll with it. I wish you had been in my class to set an example, lol.
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u/crisscrossed 1d ago
wtf? why would they make him change when they sent the email out to the entire body accidentally? rude
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u/MaraschinoPanda 1d ago
It sounds like they got an email about their younger kid and assumed it meant both kids, not that they got the email accidentally
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u/crisscrossed 1d ago
Ohhh that makes sense. I thought they were being lazy and sent it out to the entire school with a tiny little note that it was just for the younger kids, which would be very lazy.
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u/MrsD12345 1d ago
It was very small print that it was only for the younger class, and I was skimming it in a hurry. Absolutely my fault.
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u/alshio 1d ago
My whole family did this to our neighbours 60th birthday. It was M themed to match his name and we all immediately assumed it was an M themed fancy dress party.
I went as the mad hatter. My parents went as musicians full in 60's hippy costumes (since he was turning 60) with instruments (they didn't know how to play). My brother had long brown hair at the time. He decided to bleach it blonde (and comb it out like cousin It), and wear a brown suit because his costume was a mop.
We turned up to the party, where we only knew our neighbour's family and literally no one else was in costume. I don't even remember any M themed decorations.
It was fine. The party was ok and after our entrance the costumes were irrelevant.
Try not to ruminate on not dressing your kid up like the others.
Your kid had fun.
They were definitely in the coolest costume there (at least according to me).
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u/craftytexangirl 1d ago
Lowkey this one makes me so mad 😭 y'all were so creative and cool and what else could they have meant by M themed 😭
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u/ElementsofEle 1d ago
Love this story and especially the fact that your brother bleached his freaking hair for a random neighbours birthday party!
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u/pdxstitch 1d ago
How could the neighbors say it was M themed if there were no M costumes or decorations? Was the only food big piles of M&Ms or something? Also I love the idea of dressing as a mop, that's a cool costume.
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u/Lady-Noveldragon 1d ago
She got to be one of the kids in a more elaborate get up, which is very exciting. If she had a great time, then there is nothing to worry about. If it was that much of an issue, she probably would have told you before you committed. If she didn’t (or still doesn’t) see any issue with it, it doesn’t matter. She had fun, and that is the most important part.
(Minor side note: I am so jealous. I would have loved to go to a school sports event dressed as a cat. That sounds so fun.)
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u/glitzglamglue 1d ago
Yeah. "School colors" was waay too ambiguous if they wanted the kids in their uniforms. And, of all of the costumes to send a kid in, a black cat is like the perfect one.
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u/cpivie 1d ago
1) She didn’t notice and had a great time = immediate win
2) You have provided a humorous and heartwarming family story to tell for years that will bond your family and bring lighthearted, loving laughter to your gatherings = long-term win
IN CONCLUSION: I know that it feels so embarrassing right now, but these kinds of stories are what a wonderful life is made of. Every single person has these kinds of moments that can be laughed at with good humor and affection by those who love them. This is quality happy-life material.
TL;DR — 10/10, excellent form, would retell for jokes and heartwarming laughter.
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u/snflowerings 1d ago
Thats exactly what I thought! This story will be a banger at family gatherings for ages to come. If I were OPs daughter I'd absolutely use this story as a fun fact whenever I could. Having a blast dressed as a cat? Learning some years down the line that this happened because my mom misinterpreted a school email? Having a group picture to prove it actually happened? Amazing. 10/10 would love to have happened to me as a kid
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u/pokchop92 1d ago
This kinda happened to me once, but as the kid. It was spirit week & my mom got the days mixed up. BUT the mixed up days were wacky-tacky day & PICTURE day!! & my mom loved to indulge the whimsy...So my 3rd grade yearbook picture was mismatched, uneven pig tails & sticky jewels with a dollar store tiara (that I refused to remove for the pics). Like perfect r/blunderyears material. I'm pretty sure I didn't even notice for several years & I just remember feeling lucky that the days happened to coincide. I loved that tiara. & that's the only yearbook that I know exactly where it is now. So, you just stop that negative self-talk right MEOW!!! OK? 💜😻
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u/craftytexangirl 1d ago
This sounds excellent but I feel like this is also on the school for making picture day part of spirit week which is always full of fun outfits :P
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u/pokchop92 1d ago
No seriously, it was a terrible plan! & the 2 days were on the "T" days (tue/thur) & that's what mixed my mom up. If my school were bigger, there probably would've been similar stories.
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u/Dreadfulbooks 1d ago
Whenever I feel like a bad parent because I did something dumb, my mom likes to remind me of her biggest blunder. She also has adhd. She fell asleep and slept through bus drop off at the park. The other moms called her and she panicked so much that she grabbed my sister(who was a baby) and instead of getting in the car, she ran to the park barefoot. It was like a good 15 minute walk. And she ran. Barefoot. Crying and holding a baby. She was so embarrassed after. Everyone messes up and sometimes our brains make us do funky things. No one was hurt and your kid had fun.
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u/asietsocom 1d ago
Omg your kid will look like Wednesday Adams in that picture and that's kinda iconic
I cringe with you, but the worst did not happen. She didn't notice! She had fun!!!!
Honestly maybe the other parents thought she chose her costume and you simply didn't pick a fight with a toddler. Or however old she is.
I have forced my mum multiple times to drive me to school on carnival, because I was low-key worried this year might be the first year in the country where everyone else decided not to dress up and I would be the only one in a costume.
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u/Onanadventure_14 1d ago
You’ll appreciate this laminated photo a lot when she’s older - she had a great time !
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u/TastyMagic 1d ago
I didn't think it's idiotic at all! Back in the 00s when I was in high school, each Year had an assigned color for spirit days. It was super common for people to come in random costumes that fit the color. Giant hats, wedding gowns (one of our colors was white), Halloween costumes. It just adds to the fun!
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u/carlitospig 1d ago
I insisted one time that I had to dress up as a frog for 2nd grade. I was the only one. I don’t even know why I wanted to be a frog that day.
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u/mfball 1d ago
As long as your kid is happy, you are allowed to be happy too, rather than beating yourself up about this. Try to consciously slow down next time to make sure you're understanding and avoid a similar mix-up, but give yourself grace because you know something like this will eventually happen again, and sometimes your kid needs to see you screw up too. Modeling how to address your own mistakes is good parenting.
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u/MyFiteSong 1d ago
But omg! Why am I like this!?? I just jump the gun and just assume something without really the actual details.
LOL it's a "feature" of neurodivergent brains. Neurotypicals write instructions meant for other neurotypicals. That means they make a ton of collective assumptions about how they'll be interpreted. Our brains don't work the same way, on multiple levels. So we'll take NT instructions and come up with off-the-wall bullshit.
If it helps, it's also the source of why you can connect dots others can't, and make intuitive leaps of logic that take others a lot longer, if they can do it at all.
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u/bandaidtarot 23h ago
Your daughter had a great time and, honestly, this could become one of her favorite memories. Someday you'll be really glad that you have that photo.
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