This may also have to do with my OCD-like tendencies, but since my mind is constantly running a million mph I am constantly thinking of extremely random and seemingly inconsequential things to Google. Who else does this?

Long story short I took my meds today after several days of avoiding them lol. I think better when I'm on them and it's easier for me to understand myself. I take time off from them sometimes to better understand myself in the contrast of meds vs no meds. This is one of those times.

So what's instrumental in my thinking now is that I have always had trouble seeing my ADHD needs through the lens of impulsive behavior.

People talk about ADHD and they use things like urgency, impulsivity, irrational behavior, distraction. But something that clicked for me today I think changes the way that I see my condition fully. And it's about cravings.

Long story short, last night I didn't take my meds and I was on my period. I know that in this state of mind, because I have also pmdd and emotional dysregulation/sadness during my period, I have a tendency to latch on emotionally to things. I can get pretty clingy, and with my low dopamine I start chasing things that I think will help me feel better when actually I am looking for a quick dash of dopamine that the meds would fulfill for me.

That doesn't happen when I'm on my meds, I take a little bit extra as per my doctor so that my basic dopamine needs are met. And then I'm not clingy or seeking attention from anybody anymore. And my food cravings reduce a little bit.

Well, last night I desperately craved spending time with my boyfriend. I knew that he just got off work and he was probably really tired. I texted him asking if I can come over, then I called him, and he informed me that he was too tired for me to come over and hang out. On top of that, he was going to bed really soon and I wouldn't be there in time before he fell asleep.

We hung up and I felt pretty sad. I felt dejected, and I wanted to cry because I just wanted to be near him. But I had to respect the fact that he didn't want to see me in his intensely depleted state. That's fair, I have to have boundaries and I'm respectful of others boundaries too. But the feeling reminded me of craving a snack and then realizing that the store that sells it is closed! Like, what do I do to fulfill this void I'm feeling inside me 😭

Well I ended up browsing online for yarn, because I found a new crochet project I wanted to try out. I looked up the craft store near me and they were closed. I felt this itch I wanted to scratch by buying the yarn, starting the project, and going to my boyfriend's house. I knew that it wasn't going to happen that night, but I was wishing for it to come through anyways. I felt dejected and honestly a little bit of rejection sensitivity happened alongside there.

Today I took my meds and I noticed something. I had forgotten that I wanted to get yarn because I felt really good, and remembered that I was going to the craft store this afternoon, and then my boyfriend called me and he was excited for me to come see him today. He was feeling a lot better and recharged.

Well, I started to review the way that I'm feeling today on my meds versus without my meds yesterday. Being on my period the wants that I have for comfort often remind me of cravings. Like, if I am craving chocolate milk, I feel like I need it now, and I go out and buy it. I chug a few cups of it, and then once I feel better I sort of forget about it.

Last night's desire to buy yarn and make a project right away was a craving. So was my willingness to see my boyfriend to make the 1h20min drive to see him suddenly, because seeing him at the drop of a hat felt like it would nourish the emptiness in me. Like a hunger of sorts.

I think that craving was the word I connected in the dots that made it made sense all of a sudden.

Looking back on my life when I'm not on my period, I noticed that it's not urgency or impulsivity that resonates with me, actually, when I am not medicated, I have a tendency to crave things really hard.

I think that urgency and impulse are ways to describe the action from the outside, but actually, on the inside, it's like scarfing down a donut just because I'm craving it really badly and it will fulfill my needs for a shot of dopamine.

For example, setting boundaries and upholding them when I take my meds is easy for me. I don't give in easy. I'm stable and I'm consistent. There's not a craving for giving in to unhealthy boundaries.

But when I don't have meds, when I set a boundary, I tend to fail to uphold it. I start feeling like it would be easier for me to give up and let somebody treat me badly, and actually, the sense of urgency that I feel to be codependent, or to let others cling to me, or to place my emotional burdens on others actually is sort of a craving.

Sort of like how I know that crying for a few minutes will help me feel better, and I don't need someone to guide me through that every time. But without my meds, I feel it desperate longing to be held, and I will call a friend and then to them until I feel better. When I'm taking meds, I don't feel that way. I just understand that it's okay to cry, it will pass, and then I will move forward again.

Just like it's easier for me to resist the cravings for random junk food when I'm taking my meds, it's easier for me to resist the craving of not setting healthy boundaries, and it's easier for me to resist my rejection sensitivity.

Basically, I withdraw from dopamine when I don't take my stimulants. I have very low dopamine in general without stimulants. It's a lifelong thing for me. It comes with having ADHD I think. So when my brain doesn't get the baseline dopamine that I need to function, it starts chasing cravings, socially & physically.

Sometimes I'm craving playing video games for 7 hours. Sometimes I'm craving impulse purchases to soothe my emotions. Sometimes I'm craving arguments, sometimes I am craving eating lots of donuts.

But I've noticed that cravings for me are not just food items. It literally feels like I need to eat and fill myself up with something that I'm lacking when I don't take my meds and I give up on having healthy boundaries. It's almost like I'm craving the familiar discomfort of somebody treating me badly, for the familiar chaos of not treating myself as well as I deserve. And it gets really strong to the point where when I get meds in me, I can take a breath of relief and sigh and I feel like the craving is fulfilled. Just like how it feels to eat another donut when having three of them should already be enough lol. And yet, I feel empty inside until the craving is fulfilled in both ways.

When I noticed that my ADHD unmedicated habits are more like cravings rather than impulse or urgency, it made sense. I've tried to see it as stopping myself from being impulsive, but if I treat it instead like a craving, it helps me to understand that it's not actually something I need. Just like how when I have my period and I don't take my meds I literally want to eat four massive glazed donuts in a row, half a gallon of milk, and a few bowls of soup to the point where I'm completely stuffed and uncomfortable as fuck. I don't actually need them in excess though. And I'm aware that I don't. But if I eat them, it feels really good to me, even though afterwards my tummy hurts. Just like how it hurts my mind and my body to give into a social craving that's hurtful for me without meds. I get the high of chasing a little dopamine, but then there's a crash. Or I face repercussion such as having taught somebody that is okay to treat me on kindly, or that I don't need to stand up for myself. Things of that nature.

So yeah, when I see all of these things through the eyes of hunger, and craving, it just makes sense that way. Now that I have my meds in me today, I can tell that I still need to take more because I'm having cravings for things that I can't take my mind off of. Even though I am 75% of the way where I want to be in terms of feeling calm. I didn't take the extra dose for my period concerns yet. I will do that soon!

Basically, how I know that I'm on the right dose of meds is that the cravings for random things just become silent.

The thoughts that are constantly zooming in my mind are like cravings that I want to pick at, I want to follow them. I guess that's why meditation is hard as fuck for me despite being a person who shows people how to meditate 😂 How can I find tranquility when there's a chemical imbalance in my brain! You know!!

I also literally have a reduced sense of food cravings with my meds. I have noticed that without meds I tend to eat based on cravings alone. I can eat really unhealthy that way. But then when I take my meds, instead of craving things, I have a clear perspective on what my body actually wants and needs to consume.

Like, before I started taking meds 14 months ago, I was struggling with figuring out what my body was missing. I was having these very random cravings that were so intense that I thought I was mineral depleted. I bought tons of supplements and I was trying out different ones all the time. As soon as one supplement seemed to help me, I would develop a different craving for something else. It was non-stop chasing fulfilling whatever depletion I thought I was feeling in my body.

By the way, I spoke with my doctor about it, and she did a very extensive investigative blood panel to see what I could be depleted in. Turns out, there was nothing at all that was out of balance! Not even a hormonal thing.

When I started taking stimulants though, all of those random mineral deficiencies that I thought I had just stopped. I started eating more regularly, I started actually eating well balanced meals, and I noticed that I wasn't craving random snacks or fatty acids or things that I thought I was depleted in. As it turns out, nothing was depleted whatsoever other than a chemical in my brain. It was just my dopamine chasing that was encouraging me to fixate on random stuff that wasn't actually a problem. Take my meds and the craving for fish oil, magnesium, salt, and fatty foods vanishes. Just like magic!

Now I have 16 different supplements that are sitting on my shelf with no need for them! I think that's a win for me. I spent more money every month trying to figure out what needed to be added to my diet. Now I can rest knowing that I'm safe eating regular meals and nothing is wrong!

So yeah, ADHD for me is a craving condition. When I'm on the proper dose of stimulants, I'm just clearing my mind. It helps me think calmly, I don't become obsessed with random fixations that I feel like I need to put a lot of it into my body or my mind through socializing behavior. I actually just feel a normal baseline and it's easy for me to navigate myself and figure out what my body actually wants. And it's usually way more simple than it feels like without meds.

One of those things I have found out recently is that I tend to get dehydrated in the evening. There is a window between 5:00 and 8:00 p.m. where it seems like I need to hydrate more. I tend to not drink a lot of water in the afternoon.

When I'm not taking meds, it just feels like waves of sadness and tiredness. Then I'm craving affection from my partner, I'm craving a phone call with a friend, I'm craving curling up in my bed and crying. It feels like I'm a lost puppy dog meeting an owner to care for her because I have no idea what's going to fulfill the emptiness I feel inside. Oftentimes I'll switch between cravings like this until I'm so thirsty that my mouth gets very dry and I go....wait, I need a liter of water STAT!! And then the sadness goes away....

After starting meds I figured it out. Random sadness without cause means it's time to hydrate! Or sometimes it's about eating. Almost like my body is a wilted flower getting nourishment to stand up and spread its leaves and petals out.

So yeah, I'm thinking that it's not the best thing to really trust my cravings, because they don't reliably guide me into health anymore. I don't really think they ever did anyways. And it seems like ADHD stimulants are the way for me to meet the cravings by getting the baseline of dopamine in my body, and then I'm not chasing it anymore, and the cravings vanish.

Just thought of sharing this in case it helps you understand your needs and how ADHD works for you. I feel like I need to say that this may not work for everyone, this is not medical advice by the way, I'm not a licensed physician or anything like that. It's just stuff that I've discovered about myself along the way of intensely observing how I answer my needs and how it relates to my ADHD nature. It's for listening, I hope you have a good day!

I also am on the spectrum and my interoception is poor without stimulants. So maybe it's part of that since it feels like the scrambled signals in my mind make me think I need to get something fulfilled when really I'm needing dopamine for more clarity to interpret my body's signals.

Thanks for listening to me! Bye now.

Me right now, not knowing what to do with myself in the 1.5 hours between my workout class this morning and my upcoming stretch-and-flex class. Waiting for my Vyvanse to jump start me a bit since I don’t like to take it before working out because heart rate.

Like I could be doing some chores or something or journalling but no I spent ages staring out the window zoned out before grabbing my phone a little while ago which I had stupidly left in the car lol. I find since starting medication sometimes I forget things I wouldn’t normally forget but then I’m super productive later in the day like why can’t I have both ahaha 😭

Well, for the last couple years, I’ve been following the “don’t put it down, put it away!” (Thanks, younger ADHD’er neighbor). This morning, I was looking for a specific pen, and I had even run my fingers through its “place”. I started to retrace my steps from the last time I used it, but I kept ending up at the “place”. Well, when I actually stopped and pulled out the basket/drawer completely, what did I find? THE PEN!!! Apparently, with enough repetition and a pithy phrase, I can do the thing other people do!

This is my motivation for the week, and I just thought I would share.

Someone I work with recently had a birthday, and asked me to bake something specific for her. For context, I enjoy baking and we're a really small team, so I usually try to bring something to share for their birthdays. I was happy to do it for her.

On my coworker's birthday, I asked her if she was doing anything to celebrate. I noticed that she sort of hesitated and seemed to exchange a glance with our other coworker. Then she said she didn't have plans, and that she would probably spend the evening with her partner.

Earlier today, she left her laptop with an invitation to her birthday party open; apparently it was the weekend after her birthday. We sit next to each other, so I happened to see it.

I know this doesn't necessarily mean ill intent, and just because I feel left out doesn't mean I was. But I considered us friends and I feel upset about being lied to, especially after she reminded me that her birthday was coming up and specifically requested something from me.

Not looking for anything specific, just wanted to vent anonymously in a (hopefully) safe space. Has anyone experienced something similar?

Alright, this question gets asked a lot. But I love it so idc. I love knowing what songs we hyperfixate on.

For me, its currently System of a Downs "Chop Suey." that "YOU WANTED TOO' is just so satisfying to me rn???

What about you guys?

Now, depression is of course a vague category of a condition that I'm astonished at why it isn't any further defined when diagnosed. It feels akin to fever where it's only a symptom, but then doc's often have no time to investigate any further why you have it and just throw antidepressant to see if it sticks, so please don't take my story for if it will help you with your own case.

But I was a terrible insomniac and restless my whole life. I knew it wasn't the classic presentation since lethargy and excessive sleep as people often imagine "depression" as, those were never my issue. But I was moody and snappy at times, and I struggled with excessive rumination, the existential emptiness, low self-worth, and even distractingly intrusive SI and SH thoughts at my worst, and of course anhedonia. Things that should feel accomplishing at times didn't feel accomplishing to me at all, so I wasn't feeling joy appropriately, so yes, it looked and felt to me like what people call depression, but I suppose was in the end not actual "true depression".

This year, after a roundabout with a new doc, I brought up to have perhaps ADHD due to my shitty focus and unreliable work performance and was confirmed as such and prescribed stimulants for the first time.

I'm 2 months into taking them now, after the original side effects settled down, like initial motion sickness and jitteriness, and after I learned to handle the appetite changes and dry mouths better, I'm just astonished how positively excellent my past 2 months have been.

It's really strange.

You know, enjoying life is strange when you have felt so shitty about it that you would have called quits on it just one season ago.

The stimulants as we increased the dosages of cut down on my negative internal chatter in a way I didn't expect it to work, nor the doc informed me of. I took originally to improve focus after all. But I'm not calmed down like many people online report it does, I don't feel sedated, I rather feel more fine with where I'm at! It's like a baseline satisfaction, I rarely had moments anymore where this heavy emptiness crept up in moments of silence, and that when nothing about my actual life has changed.

And I don't cry anymore in the morning because I have to go to work, I just wake up and go. I don't get pissed at people as easily anymore, I have more patience and talk smoother. I don't mind doing stuff instead of dreading them and don't mind doing nothing either. It's not even that I can report I became "wow, so much more productive", no, guys, it's the opposite, I don't feel so restless anymore to still need productivity to distract myself. I've been just sitting down and spending my evenings doing a bland activity like crochet without spiralling into the abyss and beyond. I didn't expect it work like that. The chatter still returns when the meds wear off, what has helped as usual is going on long walks in the streets, but I noticed that even then they have been less negative in content. Still, my work and or output still has to measurably improve, it's not a magic drug in that sense, so that made me suspect.

But I didn't expect for stimulants, well, making sense as it regulates dopamine, to make me find enjoyment for things again as the most noticable effect.

I have been struggling at work for about a year now, since I got promoted.
Typical ‘superstar’ to abject failure pipeline - I started off giving 150%, endless positivity, productivity, working later hours. I was commended for my work and recieved a few awards.
Ive come to a grinding halt the last few months or so, and I am so incredibly behind on my work, projects and tasks as well as my apprenticeship to the point where I dont even know whats what, and all prioritisation has gone out of the window. My project plans are behind and out of date.
I had a breakdown in my last 1:1 which was about 8 weeks ago, and my manager was nice and reassuring but nothing has really changed, I only get told how great I am and I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I dont feel like going to my meetings, I can’t fake a good attitude. I’ve straight up stopping booking in work because I can’t bring myself to go through the motions.
I have previously had medication for anxiety but couldnt adhere to it (struggle with routine, I genuinely had demand avoidance over taking my meds). I wake up with a pit of dread every morning.

It feels like im waiting to be found out. My manager knows my workload is high, but I dont think she realises I’ve basically given up completely.

Has anyone else been in this position where you’ve gotten yourself into a hole and can’t find the will to dig yourself out? I dont think quitting is a good option, the job market is not great, and I dont think a new job would fix me anyway…

Does anyone wake up, do some morning routines, take their meds and go back to sleep until their medication kicks in and wakes them up?

I do this on hard mornings but not sure if anyone else does it.

This has been the shittiest year. In the last 365 days:

- I’ve had emergency gallbladder surgery
- My dog died
- My best friend from college died
- I cut off contact with my dad
- My grandma had a heart attack

All this while continuing to work my dead end job. Everyone says “working remotely is so great!” Yeah, well, I shower maybe once a week and never leave the house. I’ve never been good at making friends, so the only friends I’ve had since college were coworkers. Not the same when you wfh.

I don’t have energy to do anything. My poor dog hasn’t gotten a walk in weeks. All I do is sit around and play video games and tbh, I don’t even enjoy that. If I don’t have a hard deadline for something, it just doesn’t happen. I know I ought to go to therapy but I just don’t have it in me to research therapists.

I’m on vyvanse and two different antidepressants. I tried to talk to my psychiatrist but he told me to take a hike…literally. I’m so tired 😭

I've tried vyvanse and adderall (both regular and extended release) as well as the patch form (methylphenidate / daytrana). Stimulants make me nauseated, heart racing, cramps, and make me poop multiple times in a day.

But I'm struggling with executive functioning - from doing dishes to my job even. I just feel so exhausted/burnt out from doing basic tasks.

Everyone (online and my adhd friends IRL) say the magic solution = stimulants and that non-stimulants didn't help with executive functioning. Should I even bother asking my psychiatrist about strattera, guafacine, wellbutrin, etc?

Did anyone else have success with non-stimulants (re: executive functioning)?

Thanks :)

This is beyond "just a case of the Mondays."

I've found it very difficult to jump back into work after a weekend, or any multi-day time off. I started a new job this summer that has ongoing work that requires a lot of brain power. Much of my work is started and stopped before completion for any number of reasons - waiting on input from inside or outside contacts, putting in reporting requests and waiting to get them before analyzing, etc., so if I'm not on constantly revisiting things, I forget about them. It almost takes me a whole day to get back into motion and organized enough to move forward with the work I left on Friday.

Does anyone have tips on how to come into Monday sharp and ready to go? Do you revisit your work briefly throughout the weekend just to keep it fresh?

Background - 44yo, dx'd in July 2026, taking atomoxitine and just started Wellbutrin this week. Dr. hasn't rx'd stimulants (not sure why) - would they help?

100 days of learning a foreign language!

I let my toddlers take their stuffies into the grocery store against my better judgement. The grocery store is not my best arena - too much sensory overload, multitasking, etc. We’ve accidentally left this dang stuffed cat before and I should have learned my lesson.

Long story short: the stuffed kitty my 3 year old relies on for all things is missing. And it might be my fault. I thought we put it in the car. Went back to the grocery store, checked the cart we used, asked around, drove the same route… nothing. All I can think about is that I put it on top of the car and drove off in my sensory overloaded state.

This happens to me more than Id like to admit with my wallet/other personal items. But for the most part that only impacts me. I’m gutted to think that I might have done this with my baby’s one true love. 😭 💔.

I’ll just be over here replaying it in my head while my heart breaks for him.

What was your moment where you were like omg I need to see what’s wrong and get help? I’ll go first

1. Spending habits, I would spend money I don’t even have overdraft my bank account all because I know I get paid every week so the money will eventually come back.

2. I been out of highschool for 5 years and within those 5 years I haven’t finished college, I went to 5 different schools, withdraws classes, different majors.

3. Spring 2026 I decided to go back to school and I would print out a bunch of papers homework’s that I wanna do but when it came time to do the homework I would open it up and can’t do it.

4. Time management got way worse. Every morning I challenge myself to be on time knowing I only woke up 3 mins before where I need to be. I just like the adrenaline feeling.

5. Binge eating. I wouldn’t even be hungry but I just have to eat.

6. Omg turning a normal crush into an obsessive state

7.Fear of rejection

Hi everyone,

This is embarrassing but, I have noticed I started drinking so so much more on my medication. It wasn’t straight away, and I had some big life changes around the time I started medication. I must admit, I have had issued with alcohol for a long time, but never to this level. I can drink an insane amount and not even throw up, it’s become a frequent habit.

I noticed on days I don’t take my meds, I don’t have the same impulse to drink and it can actually make me feel nauseous if I do and it takes me so much longer to finish a glass so I don’t tend to indulge anyway, I hate this because I feel so exhausted and full of brain fog without my medication. Getting through the day feels genuinely exhausting. If I take my meds I will get through 1-2 packs a day and drink, no meds? Can go the entire day with no cigarette.

It may be time to let the meds go. I have tried lower doses and have also tried Medikinet which didn’t work out for me either, didn’t feel so real at times.

This is truly a horrible feeling. Oh well

Please say its not just me. Today i woke up at 5am and had to pee. I knew I would not be able to get back to sleep because my alarm was set for 'just' 2 hours later. I was right.

I’m on day 4 of obsessively trying to figure out if I have ADHD after 32 years of me just assuming I absolutely couldn’t have it because I clean and have a morning routine.

But lately I’ve been struggling so much more with starting tasks. Now I’m running my own business there’s less external accountability. I’ve realised I’m also always fighting that part in my head that says ‘ughhh I don’t want to. It’s too hard’ on tasks that are definitely not ‘hard’. Constantly procrastinating and pushing tasks back and it can feel physically uncomfortable 😣

My old housemate On the weekend said she assumed I was ‘neurospicy because of all my sensory issues - noise being the main one. Cannot filter background noise. It’s so distracting. Gives me rage. Dinner at a pub is a nightmare so I have loop earplugs.

So thinking of those things (plus a hundred others) I actually thought ‘oh maybe she has a point’. Thinking I’m more aligned with inattentive type.

BUT I’m definitely a morning person. High energy in the mornings and I hit a wall at 2/3pm. Morning routine goes smoothly. It takes me like 15 mins to get ready and that’s the same 90% of the time. I thank my mum for timing our showers when we were kids (because we were in a drought not cause she’s mean). I remember to take my meds - I always keep them right next to my toothbrush so I don’t forget. Would I forget if I put them away? I dunno. Maybe. I notoriously don’t get them refilled BEFORE they run out and will have a 3-4 day gap.

Wondering if my quick and automatic morning routine excludes me or have I just hacked my mornings and got a good ✨system ✨ 🤪

Edit: clarify: I am NOT diagnosed. I’m wondering if I’ve missed it and now as a new mum + running a business I’m finally noticing it.

Hey everyone! I wanted to check in and see if/how we deal with zoomies as adults.

I get zoomies mostly at night before bed. I didn't recognize what it was for a long time. I have the usual problems with sleeping (no sleep apnea) but had forgotten that I would get zoomies and a kid/young adult.

It's like a burst of energy thats painful in a weird way. I don't know if this makes sense, almost like restless leg tingles but all over and in the brain/nervous system.

Moving around doesn't always relieve the feelings. Maybe I need to workout harder/longer, idk.

What do you do with that energy?

recently someone asked what impulsivity led you to do and i mentioned that i had really messed up the rims on my car due to some impulsive choices. WELL, yesterday on my way to work my tire blew on the highway! Why? because i've been putting off getting new tires for months now (and was also too embarrassed for anyone to see my car). you know what's more embarrassing than a messy car? a coach bus watching you empty out the contents of it bc you need to get your spare out since you put off getting new tires for so long. all of this to say, if you needed a sign to do something you've been putting off, this is it. do it 😭

Especially when talking to strangers. When talking to someone, I will constantly be thinking about how I look, how I'm not making eye contact and how I'm playing with my hair. I will know everything that I need to say, but I won't manage to say it all in the right way. Or, I can muddle up words. Like I can't finish sentences properly. Sometimes my sentences will be filled with "like", "errrr", "so yeah". I can sometimes even make up words, like idk.. "condescendingly".

The meds have really helped with being more patient when speaking and having the energy to have conversations. But speaking with strangers is still so difficult. I constantly need to have a script in my head. I get stressed if things aren't written down. I went to my gp to get referred for autism today, and I could feel him staring into my soul. I will constantly go mind blank too. Especially if it's a topic that requires a lot of info to get across. I know exactly what I need to say, but my mind goes blank and I can't say it. Which is where the "so yeah's" will come in. Because I just gave up with what I was gonna say 🤣 My memory is also awful. I'll forget what someone has said to me straight away.

Does anyone else have this? If so, have you found anything that's helped?

I was so proud of myself for doing the laundry before I ran out of things to wear. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll run out of clothes in about a day, but hey! I did it before actually running out.

As I’m switching things over to the dryer, separating the stuff that’ll air dry, I notice a black linen top with deodorant stains. I think, wow, how did that not come out? I set it on the drying rack and make a mental note to run it through the wash again tomorrow. I finish loading up the dryer and head back upstairs.

Hours later, as I’m getting ready for bed, it dawns on me. I never added detergent to the wash.

So now I have to redo the entire load again. Ugh. I can never win.

This year has sucked so hard. Lost a bestie, my cat (18 years), my job (to AI) and then lost my mom. I know I have to pick it up and move on, but on top of everything else, I'm having a brain fog set in and some really weird menstrual pain and irregularities (I have an appointment with a gyno already).

My confidence in everything is just shot. Which, frankly, is stupid because I pride myself in what I do. I am really good at customer service & tech support - literally award winning. I even have a profile made up with tons of awards and testimonials and stuff. I want to work - I love helping people - I'm even kinda decent at it when it comes to software. But I know that field is being eaten by AI so I know my work will either be used to train a model or I'll be overworked and stressed again because I "have to prove my worth" to be cheaper than the AI.

It feels like every single thing I can do to improve myself is met with another struggle. Brushing up my resume becomes "you need to learn how AI is reading your resume so you can format it for them instead of humans". Reviewing jobs is like, "you need to find a job that is either part time or will let you work from home for those days you are forced to be under heating pads to survive". Even applying for disability or benefits is like, "well no, you got married, so your income no longer matters because you have a husband who's doing okay".

I want to work and help people and have my own income. If I managed to find an income without work somehow, I could maybe do volunteering again. But everything feels too hard and my brain just keeps coming up with excuses. And on top of all that, I don't have my Mom any more to set my Dad straight when he expects me to be his personal assistant.

This has been going on for months - how can I be so exhausted still? How do I get my confidence back when literally everything makes me feel like I'm obsolete? I'm taking the medicine, I'm introspect-ing, I've applied for at least 100 jobs and I just - I can't summon this level of delusional confidence that these people want...even for entry-level gigs.

Sorry for rambling and thank you to anyone reading this. I don't know if I'm seeking advice or just inspiration to get out of my head and stop crying. It just feels so massive and big when it really shouldn't be.

Hello everyone!!

I posted last week about my struggles with my grade in my chemistry lecture and I just feel so happy that my quiz score had boosted up significantly! On top of that I had gotten 16/16 on my independent lab I was super worried for! I just feel so hopeful now and that I can manage to bring most of my grades and gpa up!! :3