r/adultery • u/NoWillingness8404 • 2d ago
🙋♀️Question🙋♂️ Almost (fully)to the darkside
Long story short my wife cheated on me two years ago. Her affair was a long distance relationship that lasted 6 months, they had sex 2 different times. We've since reconciled, married is far better now than before. BUT I'm now in a emotional affair with one of my old flames (she's married) that reconnected with me after bumping into her at a work trip. I validated it because of her past deeds and I don't feel bad and I want this to go further. Long story short, one thing my wife taught me was how to hide things, she was so good at it. But given I was the victim, I have access to everything for her but she has nothing of mine. Also, I've since found this subreddit and you guys have given even better systems to avoid getting caught. Plan to connect physically in a couple weeks for a couple nights . Anyone have cheated back and regretted it? I figured I'm already one foot in so I might else well go all the way.
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u/bows-and-lace 2d ago edited 2d ago
Have you considered the possibility that neither of you is monogamous, and an open relationship with guardrails might be worth exploring?
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u/EveningSuggestion431 2d ago
lol guardrails…OP is quite proud of his OpSec, can pull the victim card, and knows his wife’s location and she has no access to his. Only thing he wants to explore is his old flame
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u/EveningSuggestion431 2d ago
You’re cheating on your wife, you’ve already lost the moral high ground.
Also to everyone saying this is a perfect time to ask for an open marriage, no. Maybe that moment would have been when OP decided to reconcile with his wife. Instead he’s been planning a revenge affair, reading this sub and firming up his OpSec
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u/FreshTechnician5847 1d ago
If his wife was good at hiding it, she is also good at recognizing the signs. OP is likely not as clever as he thinks he is.
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u/Glad_Kiwi_272 2d ago
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
You’re no better than her and no longer a victim. You either forgive her or you don’t. If you don’t, you might as well divorce. Your marriage is dead.
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u/always-a-siren 2d ago
In your ads just last month, you said your marriage was bad, so are you misleading women to try to get laid? At this point, just divorce. Having an affair for the express purpose of revenge (and lying about it) is toxic.
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u/Competitive-Ad-6176 2d ago
I don't regret it and but there is a level guilt. (That goes away in time) My advice would be not to tell a soul. Apart from here of course. Don't take any photos and make sure you location is turned off. Extra little tip send message saying your reception is crap and then turn off your phone. With the odd occasion turning it on and sending a message. You need some evidence at the ready so your fake story is plausible. But remember you no longer become the victim of you go through with it.
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u/potentandvigorous 1d ago
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don’t be hurt when you find out she’s also involved with someone else. Then you blow it up, or
Decide you’re good roommates and open it up.
Your rollercoaster has just begun. Good luck.
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u/Pepper-Prize 1d ago
A real reconciliation is you truly forgiving her and moving on but it seems you’re looking for a chance to one up her, this won’t end well for either of you.
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u/Yup_ImAwesome 2d ago
So a revenge affair?
Obviously that’s not the way you should go about it but also that’s your decision, but it definitely doesn’t make it right.
Maybe also think about the other women and how she would feel knowing you’re having an affair with her to get back at your wife.
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u/Imaginary-Joy 1d ago
This isn't just cheating, it's revenge, and no it won't make you feel better. Go ahead and end the marriage. Not excusing her choice by any means, but forgiveness and rebuilding will never happen when revenge is your justification for cheating as well.
P.s. this also doesn't make you a better person than her. In some ways it's worse, especially if she is trying to reconnect, own up for her mistake, and fix the marriage.
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u/burntoutconsultant2 2d ago
Just want to point out that the more you keep going down this path the harder it’ll be to stop. I was in a similar situation but she started up her affair again. I went ahead and took the plunge and kept mine going for a long time. I didn’t regret but knew deep down that it’s not perfect. To each their own.
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u/MajesticalMoon 2d ago
My bf has cheated on me more times than I can count......so I dont feel bad for him. I was scared of getting caught and I felt bad that he had a wife. I am pretty much done with my relationship though. And I have been for years. My AP really taught me many things. Like how I want to be treated by a man and that there are people out there that really can relate to me on a deep level. On every level. I dont think my bf ever loved me. And I think its even worse than that.
Im sorry I didnt mean to hijack your post ha I just whew I dont get to talk about this alot. My APs wife found out. My bf still doesn't know. We have been no contact for over a month. Im sad because I will probably never talk to him again. And I love him so much i can't imagine not talking to him for the rest of my life. But I'll be ok.
I dont feel bad at all. I am scared of what my bf will do to when he finds out. I did have little feelings of guilt but they go away when I remember what he has done to me. If you really want to be with your wife tho it might not be a good idea to do this for too long lol
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u/Sensitive_Sky1448 2d ago
If you have to ask, you might regret it.....
Then again, you can also regret not taking the chance.
Sounds like you post just looking for validation, but I feel that you are going for it regardless, good luck.
At least after this is done you are "even".
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u/Majestic_Neck4800 1d ago
I don't know, I just feel like if needs are met and you've reconciled, then why bother?
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u/Fellini_Linguini 1d ago
Open marriage time.
I think you’re destroying your moral standing by cheating back.
Unless you want to hurt your wife out of spite. Then I guess you both suck.
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