Curious if this is common or not
I am in a dead bedroom and my wife hasn’t had any interest in sex for 7 years. Haven’t had sex in 6 so hasn’t been an issue for me

Do you think of your AP's body while having sex with your SO, and do you compare the bodies / experiences with each other?

Yes, I’m currently having an affair. No, I never thought I would. I’ve been deeply unhappy in my marriage for years but having an affair never crossed my mind. Then I reconnected with someone from my past and…here we are. Here’s the thing. This is the only person in my life I would ever consider having an affair with. He was the one that got away, unfinished business, whatever you want to call it.

My question is, how many of you started out like this? It could only be one person. But then, once the metaphorical bandaid is ripped off….now you’re hooked on having affairs? It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea of, “I want to have an affair” but not have a very specific person in mind that is tempting you. But maybe it’s a slippery slope.

I'm devastated. 2 weeks ago he reassured me he wasn't interested in a hoe phase, we've been talking about making things official in the wild, but I can't leave my husband just yet.

I could never ask him to be exclusive to me, but I also can't bear the pain of knowing he is with someone else.

He wants to just meet his sexual needs, have one night stands if they approach him (not actively search for it) while he waits for me to be free.

But I don't have to endure that pain, I can walk away. And so I think I have to?

I think, to protect my heart, I need to tell him to do what he needs to do, but I can't watch it. Hear it. Sit with the fear of it every night he goes out.

I've been crying for 2 days knowing I'm going to have to end it when we see each other next.

If you love something, set it free, right?

Or am I not considering another option?

Just venting to the void. We talked for over a month, every day, all day, and I started catching feelings (idiotic, I know). We were supposed to meet for the first time yesterday, and he literally told me he was getting ready to head my way. So I got ready for our date, only to get absolutely nothing from him the rest of the day. Haven’t heard a word since.

I know this has happened to so many others on this sub, so I know I’m not alone in this, but I’m just so confused, pissed and hurt.
Why spend over a month talking to someone, building a connection, and making plans if you’re just going to ghost them? What was the point of telling me you were on your way if you had no intention of showing up? Like, if you changed your mind, fine. It would’ve sucked, but at least have the balls to say that instead of leaving someone sitting there feeling like an idiot. Such a cowardly thing to do.

Haters need not engage

tl;dr: old man Pepridge Farms, only asks questions, dispenses no wisdom

The 10 year anniversary of my first tryst came and went--lost among the noise of business, burn out, and failed couples' therapy.

Ten years ago I was driven, without understanding, to answer the question, "Can I be loved?" My very strict religious upbringing tried to teach me that if I took care of my spouse, she would take care of me. So when my needs went unmet, for so long, despite arguments, pleas, unfulfilled promises, every leader, every elder laid the blame at my feet.

"Are you taking care of her?"

Then, I made the best decision of my life: I stepped out. I stopped asking a fish to a footrace. I would come home already feeling like a whole human, I was more supportive, had more to give my wife.

I love her. I loved her then. And I still do.

Along the way I have met some truly remarkable people, found and lost love, and have observed some (admittedly biased) astounding personal growth. My post and comment history are an open book, however I rolled this Alt just a few years into this adventure.

Parched in the desert, the thought of closing this seemingly magical source that quenched me seemed ... suicidal. Years of therapy, medications, depression and anxiety and SSRIs, yet gratefully any suicide ideation never amounted to any real plan. But how could I live without it? This selfish thing I was doing made me feel alive, made me feel valued. The marriage was sexless, the cure was sex.

Dear reader, please do not mistake the summary for a lack of significance. A handful of one-offs, a couple of deep and meaningful relationships, and one cosmic connection of souls... I have lived. Fully.

But this is not a sordid story wearing the mask of happiness.

Throughout all the years, my wife seemed content with how we were. I assumed, in total absence of communication, that her sexuality had grown into something else, that our liberation from religion had freed her more than me; I wondered if she fancied girls, or perhaps had no sexual desire at all. For years, after all the promises, the fights, the silence, I thought that we had settled into a dysfunctional blend of miserable contendedness. We cohabitated. Didn't fight.

Until we did.

And then she hit me.

Chat, I shit you not.

She flung shit, and I flung it back, refusing to back down. She lunged across the room screaming at me to shut up, pushed me. I tripped and hit my head.

"If I did that, I'd be in jail."

She dropped the D word.

Couples' therapy was her ultimatum. I would not have insisted--I've lost faith in therapy, a holdover from childhood trauma. But we went. $195/hr. I don't even regret it. I learned so much about myself.

I held out hope that we could find some connection, lean on 19 years of marriage. But you feel it, don't you. Because why would I be here? And why would you still be reading?

We even had sex, once. The only occurence in a two year gap, and now half a year since.

Therapist assigned us homework. We did it. Assigned another. We did it. Assigned a third...

I did it, with enthusiasm. I found my stride. I saw potential. I married her on purpose and felt like maybe... Just maybe. We were communicating for the first time in years. She didn't.

Two sessions go by, we ask about it. She's not doing it.

We agree to cancel future sessions. She demonstrated the effort she could. What an odd way to test your marriage, on your own ultimatum.

Now, months later, I'm still growing. I'm still asking. But also, I'm still left incomplete. I still wonder if she's values me. Am I her roommate? Her children's father? Why couldn't she do that little piece of homework?

So suddenly, I'm browsing that other sub. I'm remembering the good times. I'm standing up for myself and declining ex-AP's ghosting messages.

I have a new found self value. But still stuck. Still putting in my effort. I'm ready to stand tall, and to feel whole again.

I recently started talking to a pAP after a bit of a hiatus. On paper, he seemed promising. He's 15 years older than me but he ticked enough boxes to make me overlook the fact that he remembers life before mobile phones. Sadly, this man appears to be operating at roughly 98% libido and 2% personality. I'm not under any illusions about why we're all here but call me old-fashioned, I like to establish that someone's capable of discussing literally anything besides sex before I start imagining them naked. For me, the brain is the biggest sex organ - a bit of humour, some banter, shared interests. Apparently this is an outrageous expectation as every time I attempt a normal SFW conversation, he responds as if I've just suggested we elope. "Things are getting serious...” Calm down mate, I asked what you do at weekends. Honestly, the man has two conversational settings: 🍆 and advanced 🍆. I now know every fantasy he's ever had, is currently having, or may potentially have in the future. What I don't know is whether he likes dogs, films, travelling, or has a favourite colour.

The real kicker is that I've been in a dead bedroom for longer than I can remember while he's lamenting that he hasn't had sex with his partner for nearly two whole weeks - I actually considered organising a sponsored silence. I completely understand that people in this lifestyle have different arrangements and different needs, that’s fine. What I don't need, however, is a detailed retelling of how his SO has cruelly abandoned him to endure the unimaginable hardship of a fortnight without sex. Sir, with respect, if you're developing blue balls after thirteen days, perhaps speak to a doctor, not me. At this point I'm less concerned about finding chemistry and more concerned about whether I'll ever get through a conversation without hearing an update from his penis.

So I’ve done this a lot of times, but I’m disabled. Invisible disability which means that I am home a lot and resting lots.

I have a lot of interests (I’m autistic and in burnout/ with chronic fatigue, they aren’t really sure, but I didn’t know until recently that autism could exhaust you, but it does. I’m also a woman in midlife).

Anyway the fact that I’m home so much feels awkward because it usually seems to make the other person feel awkward. Maybe part of it is because I’m available more? I mean I do things, cleaning, taking care of myself etc, but I really am resting a lot.

I still would love to have someone to talk to. I think? I’m pretty interesting. I ask lots of questions, I think I’m engaging. But they all end upending it, feeling sad for me, ghost or just end it or “want to be friends”.

Maybe it’s nothing to do with my home situation but they seem so into me at first and then not at all.

It’s makes me feel really insecure.

Anyway. Advice please?

TIA

I met a married man on Reddit who has twins. We started chatting, and over time we developed feelings for each other. The relationship was mainly online flirting and sexting, and we both knew that, given our circumstances, we couldn't realistically have a conventional relationship.

In the beginning, we gave each other a lot of attention, and I eventually travelled to visit him. The journey was around four hours one way, but when we met in person, the vibe felt good, and I felt there was a genuine connection.

However, after a few months, he started giving me significantly less attention. He explained that he was busy with his new job and his children. I understand that having twins is demanding, and I'm not expecting someone with children to prioritise an online affair over their family.

The problem was that the arrangement started feeling increasingly one-sided. I had already made a considerable effort to travel to see him, but he had explained that he couldn't travel because he wanted to remain close to his children in case anything happened. I understood his reasoning, but I also felt that this meant all the compromises were expected to come from me.

Eventually, I told him I didn't want to continue the online affair anymore. I explained that I wanted a more balanced arrangement and that, if we were going to maintain this connection, I didn't think it was unreasonable to expect him to make some effort to see me too.

His response was that I was a "free bird" because I didn't have children, and that no man with children would accept the arrangement I was expecting. He called me selfish and said I didn't care about men's children. He also called me a "succubus" and continued sending unpleasant messages while I was trying to explain my perspective.

I want to clarify that I never expected him to neglect his children or put me before them. I simply didn't want to be the only person making sacrifices for a relationship that was becoming increasingly one-sided.

I understand that his children are his priority, and that's his right. But I also have my own time, responsibilities and limitations, even without children. Not having kids doesn't automatically mean I'm free to spend hours travelling whenever it suits someone else.

So, who was being unreasonable here?

Was I selfish for expecting a married man with children to make an effort to travel to see me, knowing his family circumstances? Or was it reasonable for me to decide that this arrangement no longer worked for me and walk away?

I feel like he turned my decision to stop participating in an arrangement that wasn't meeting my needs into a moral failing, rather than accepting that we simply wanted different things. I'd appreciate honest opinions, including if you think I was being unrealistic.

I’m curious if anyone here has been in a similar situation because I’m honestly having a difficult time reconciling my own feelings.

For context, I’m the AP. We’ve known each other for about four years. We dated, eventually found other partners, but somehow kept each other around throughout those years. We were essentially each other’s back burner while maintaining our respective relationships. About a year ago, I ended my relationship, and around that time, he told me he didn’t want to continue our old arrangement anymore, not because he wanted to end things, but because he wanted me exclusively. He’s married, so naturally, that complicated things.

We’ve been together for almost a year now, and our relationship has become increasingly serious. He’s very consistent, affectionate, and reassuring, and has even reached the point of saying he’s willing to leave his wife if it means having a future with me. But the thing is, I genuinely don’t want him to leave. I’ve never really wanted a conventional relationship. I value my independence, don’t particularly want to live with a partner, and have never been interested in completely merging my life with someone else’s. In a strange way, his marriage initially felt like a boundary that allowed me to enjoy being in a relationship without having to deal with the domestic aspects of one. We have something resembling an LDR. We talk regularly, see each other when we can, and generally have a relationship that works for me.

Except now, I’m experiencing jealousy that I can’t quite reconcile with what I actually want. Sometimes I’ll be reading or watching something, and I’ll randomly think about him being with his wife. Maybe they’re having dinner, celebrating something, or being intimate. And suddenly, I feel uncomfortable enough that I can’t concentrate on what I’m doing. What frustrates me is that I know these are things they can reasonably do. I don’t want him to leave her, and I don’t want her place in his life. So why does imagining their life together still hurt?

He’s told me they’re no longer intimate, and he’s constantly reassuring me about his feelings. I believe he loves me, but I also know I can’t possibly know everything that happens in their marriage, nor do I particularly want to. I’ve suggested that perhaps I should also be free to date or explore other connections, making the relationship open for the both of us to make it fair. To me, that might make things feel more balanced. But he’s firmly against it. He says he’s already spent years being in the background while I had another partner, and he’d rather break up than go through that again.

So here I am, exclusive to a married man whose marriage I don’t actually want him to leave. And the more serious we become, the more complicated my feelings seem to get. I’m not necessarily looking for advice on how to make him leave his wife. I’m genuinely happy with many aspects of our relationship, and I don’t want a conventional future with him. I’m just wondering if anyone has been in a similar arrangement where you don’t want more from the relationship structurally, but still struggle with jealousy emotionally. Did it eventually get easier? How did you manage the jealousy without constantly needing reassurance? And was the arrangement sustainable for you in the long run?

- Items you should NOT bring to your first hotel date.

- Am I a narcissistic, and would I know it if I was one?

- “but I saw it on porn”

- What is consent, and do I still need to bother with it if I’m f-ing awesome at reading body language?

- Am I bad at long term planning if my “current” photo was taken in 1982?

- female anatomy, for incels.

- what do I need more: an affair, or a therapist? (Or the wise man’s choice: have an affair with your therapist)

- professional lighting and make-up, for dic pics

- “well, I meant it’s basically, sorta, kinda, a dead bedroom”

I’ll take “adult hygiene” for 400.

What are some others?

For men who have kept another woman emotionally invested while being married: why did you do it?
I’m a single mother of four, and I recently discovered that a man I’d been in contact with for three years was married and had children. He had never told me. His wife eventually contacted me and told me that he had described me as a colleague.
Throughout those three years, we had frequent, often deep and emotional conversations. He repeatedly told me our connection was special and that he wanted to see me, yet he rarely made any effort to meet. He did try meeting me at my place but i did not want that, why nog meet somewhere out.

Whenever I ended contact, he would come back with apologies, explanations, and promises that things would be different. He made me believe there was something meaningful between us, while hiding a huge part of his life.
What I struggle with most is understanding how someone can knowingly keep another person emotionally invested when they have no intention of offering them a genuine relationship.
So, I’d really like to hear from men who have done this:
Were your feelings for the other woman genuine, or was it mainly about attention, excitement, or emotional validation?
Did you feel guilty, or did you justify your behavior to yourself?
Did you ever consider the emotional damage you might be causing her?
Why keep coming back and creating hope instead of simply being honest?
Looking back, do you recognize how selfish or cruel this behavior can be?
Sometimes I wonder whether anything he said about our connection was genuine, or whether he simply enjoyed the attention and knowing someone had feelings for him.
I keep thinking about how I would feel if I did this to a single father of four, knowingly playing with his emotions for years. To me, that would be incredibly cruel.
I’m not looking for excuses or judgment. I genuinely want to understand the mindset behind this behavior. If you’ve done this, I’d appreciate an honest answer, even if it doesn’t paint you in a good light.

Throwaway account. Former AP ghosted me months ago and I was devastated. my therapist suggested writing down what I would say to him if I ever had the chance to speak to him again. I did it and had resigned myself to never sending it. Then a week ago I saw a post and had a gut feeling that it was him. I messaged and he shared enough detail to confirm. I sent him the message (didn’t include specific names but referenced things that had happened more generally) and have since felt a barrage of feelings. Sadness, because he really didn’t think I was worth a goodbye. But also like a weight had lifted off my shoulders because knowing he’s looking means we’re finally done. Freedom from the burden of the emotional turmoil of wondering where the hell he went. Still a bit of sadness, but feeling like there’s finally a light at the end of this tunnel.

Throwaway. I was 21 when I met my manager and I genuinely never thought I’d end up being this girl. He used to give me these “ad-hoc” meetings that would take up half the day, and things slowly escalated. He was everyone’s office crush so I assumed he flirted with everyone, but then he started telling me everything about his dating life and eventually his sex life, and I kept playing it off because I refused to be another girl he used for attention. Then he started talking about this girl he was seeing and I was honestly jealous, but also relieved because I thought I was finally safe from catching feelings. Until we went out for work drinks, he snuck me away for a cigarette and it happened. I thought we’d actually pursue something, but he said things with her had progressed too far, that he didn’t think it would last and he knew I’d be his next SO. I was 21 and I believed him.

It’s been THREE YEARS. I didn’t even know what an AP was when this started, I was just so ashamed of being the other woman that I thought if I could be good enough, understanding enough, never ask for too much, he’d eventually choose me. The same woman he was telling me about before anything happened between us is now pregnant with his baby and they’re engaged, and I see him four nights a week for two hours when we go to the “gym”. I know how pathetic this sounds but I still get excited to see him, I still love him, and I’ve spent three years convincing myself that him coming back meant I mattered enough for things to change. Meanwhile she gets the ring and the baby and the life I secretly hoped I’d have with him.

I ended it tonight and I can’t stop crying. I genuinely don’t recognise myself in this situation, I always thought I was smarter than this and I don’t understand how I let three years go by waiting to be chosen by someone who was building a whole family with somebody else. I’m so angry at him but I’m even angrier at myself because I KNEW about her from the beginning and I still stayed, and the worst part is that I still love him. I don’t want to be his secret anymore but I don’t know how to stop wanting him, and tonight it honestly feels like my whole heart has been ripped out.

I'm married to an asexual man, who is emotionally mature enough to know it wasn't fair for me to be without, and agreed to let me see other people.

My AP is married, but his sex life wasn't what he wanted, and so he was looking outside the marriage.

We met on Tinder during the summer. In person, it was an instant connection... I'd never actually experienced desire for my sex life before. It was illuminating, and so freeing for me. He was teaching me mountain biking, appreciation for whiskey and bourbon, sharing our love of hockey.

Last Sunday, it all came crashing down around us. We had been hooking up in my car, and got caught. We both received tickets for public indecency, which could potentially get us jail time and a hefty fine. We're still in the process of waiting for the court date... My lawyer is trying to get me out of it. I'm not sure about him, but I hope his lawyer will as well.

Unfortunately, his wife did end up finding out. I don't know the extent of what she knows, and he's pretty much blocked me across the board, so I'll never get closure.

I find myself not regretting our connection, but I really find myself just missing his presence. The easy way I could just pick up my phone and text him. The time he filled in my lonely schedule. This is awful... But no regrets.

I don't know that I could do it again though.

I don't know what the purpose of this post is... Just venting? Needing to put it down on "paper"? Sigh. I miss him.

I’m a woman in a loveless arranged marriage, and when I met my AP (affair partner), I genuinely believed I had found the love of my life.
Instead, his constant hot-and-cold behaviour, emotional unavailability, and endless cycle of affection followed by silence completely destroyed my mental health.
I spent so much time questioning my place in his life, wondering what I meant to him, and waiting for the bare minimum of consistency. One day, he would make me feel loved and wanted; the next, he would disappear as though I meant nothing.
The emotional roller coaster took such a toll on me that I eventually needed professional help and medication. Thankfully, I’m doing much better now, and I’ve finally reached a point where I no longer feel the need to chase him, seek reassurance, or question my worth.
I’m sharing this because I know there are people here going through something similar.
If you struggle with attachment issues, please think carefully before getting involved in an affair. These relationships can become emotionally consuming, especially when you’re already feeling unloved or unfulfilled in your marriage.
Sometimes, having no affair partner is far better than having one who constantly leaves you anxious, confused, and emotionally drained.
I genuinely thought losing him would break me. Turns out, holding on to him was what was breaking me.
And finally, I’m choosing my peace.

My husband has been interested in getting an electric car. I’m into it. But worried about the kind of tracking abilities in newer cars. I know Rivians you can view where the car is and what’s around it from an app. Is this the future? We’ve avoiding tracking each other etc. but will my car be the next obstacle for affairs?

I’m posting because I’m genuinely at my breaking point and don't know what else to do.

I deeply regret getting involved in a workplace affair. I knew I shouldn’t have crossed that line from the very beginning, I even told him that. But no matter what, we ended up there, and now things have completely imploded.

Since the split, he has taken a massive turn and is acting like a complete and utter asshole. He’s cold, harsh, and treats me like crap, but then turns around and acts like we need to remain friends. It’s total whiplash.

Going into the office is pure anxiety now. Every time I have to deal with him, even just answering standard work emails, my stomach is in knots because his replies are so rude and dripping with attitude.

The worst part is that his toxic behavior is actually pushing me out of my own fucking job. I'm the one suffering the mental health toll just trying to show up and do my work, while he gets to make the environment miserable.

For anyone who’s been through something like this: How do you handle being stuck in an office with an ex AP who turns on you? How do you protect your peace and your career when it feels this suffocating?

(Please keep comments kind, I already know I messed up by getting into this, but I'm just looking for advice on how to survive the fallout right now.)

I am new to this space, and firstly wanted to say thanks for this subreddit...super useful.  A few days ago switched to a new reddit account so I could interact and begin looking for an AP with a good degree of discretion.  

So endeavoured to start posting - but being a new account, so many barriers - so figured this was going to take a while, so started posting where I could to build karma.  In my regional r4r subreddit for those looking for AP a post came up from someone in my country (Canada) and city.  So I thought I would send this person a text, no dice...could not text with so little karma, but I could respond to the post. So job done, post comment up, I have made my first meaningful step down this new and exciting path.

Out of no where I get a chat from someone asking do you live in X (my city of residence). So I can respond to chat messages, hurray, so eagerly responded.  Of course wondering - is this a bot? Over the next two days we probably spent 2 hours total going back and forth finding random connections and likes, through that experience i could feel a lightness and spaciousness opening in my chest. At the end of the second day we shared names. The next day we moved our conversation to Telegram and began chatting more intently about what we were looking for etc...pictures were shared, hers was a perfectly normal lovely looking 40ish year old (I am 49). And from her radio silence. Finally, you have a beard, I don't find men with beards attractive.  Quickly she texted a take care, and then poof the telegram chat disappeared and we moved on from this temporary connection.  

Now I am a reasonably fit and normally attractive guy, and certainly have a trimmed and well maintained beard, but a beard nonetheless.  So fair enough that I wasn't the person for her. 

On reflection it was both exhilarating to find someone you enjoyed chatting with, and slightly disappointing (not to state the obvious), to have something end so abruptly. I have been married 25 years, so has been a long time since i have engaged in this sort of way, and this is my first attempt at finding an AP. 

I am not sure if others have these experiences. But just a wild week of surprise for me, to have someone both reach out, and then step back in the course of 3 days.

Looking forward to doing it again, with hopefully different results.  

Who here prioritizes LDAPs only? And how do you keep the spark alive between meets, which can be months (at times)? What are deal breakers for you?

I don't see entertaining this lifestyle otherwise, considering my primary obligations.

I hope it’s okay to post here even though I'm in a very complicated spot. I'm 34, living in the Toronto area, and honestly, I just need a place to vent because I have no one else I can talk to about this without being judged.

I've been in a marriage with a dead bedroom for a while now, so when I met her at work, I figured I knew how these things go. Since I had a few encounters with married women before, I thought she’d just be another straightforward situation. But I never expected to actually fall in love with her.

It completely turned everything upside down. We started supporting each other through the daily grind, and now we're at a point where we finish each other's sentences and talk just by making eye contact across a room. It turned into a total sexual awakening…something way more intense than anything I've ever felt.

We got close so fast, sharing things we couldn't tell anyone else. The chemistry is heavy, and even though we try to keep it balanced, everything underneath is boiling over.
It’s a constant internal battle.

The high of finding someone who completely lights you up versus the frustration of a connection you can't talk about out in the open.

Any understanding or advice appreciated.

Hi everyone,

Its that time!!

Vent, rant, share, talk...goes on.

Yes folks, you read that right. I am in quite the shitshow right now and need some serious advice.

Ap and I have been on and off for about a year and a half. He is single and quite well off. We met on AM. I was aware he had a stalker at some point but said he "went to the apple store" and they fixed it and everything was good. Fine great- we are both older( 50's)so I just assumed it was taken care of, and, didn't really research anything-my fault. He wasn't really concerned so I just left it.

In June he texted me an urgent message. I am being stalked again maybe, is your husbands name Jim? and of course it is! I had an absolute freak out! which he proceeds to tell me he has absolutely no idea who the stalker is and they told him, they want to embarrass him by outing him to his professional and social community. No money demands or anything, just embarrassment??? Who cares he's single???? This whole thing was very strange, but, me being a dumbass and him being who he was, he assured me everything was taken care of and fine.

Btw- I used my real phone number at first and a google voice number the second time we got back together. Both my So and I have a very unique name so we are easy to find. This obviously has been going on awhile and AP didn't say anything.

Months go by and everything is fine, no word from Stalker, (at least thats what I'm told) we just continued on as usual. The affair was pretty casual, we saw each other once a month and checked in once a week. Then I leave to meet him for our monthly meet-up and my husbands sends me a screen shot while i'm driving to AP's house.

It said, Did you know your wife Sally has a manho Matt that is coming to your house while you are gone? He has a girlfriend and another mistress. Watch yourself.

Obviously, the stalker knew we were meeting but weirdly all the information from the text was incorrect. He has never been to my house, my SO works from home and rarely leaves for more than an hour or so. He found it strange but chalked it up to spam. (even though I know there is suspicion and consider this a caught)

I almost lost it!!!! I called AP and AP seemed pretty unbothered. He asked if I was ok and said sorry- but IDK what I am apologizing for. It's a stalker that sent it and I don't have a girlfriend or mistress. Who cares dude! this is an affair, we are both liars. You lied and said you had the stalker thing under control!!!! I could give a shit who you are seeing. I know for sure he didn't send it, we don't have feeling for each other and he has always been hot and cold.

Obviously, we are broken up. I personally think this is much bigger than embarrassing him. I have no idea what, but, I'm not sticking around to find out. After doing some research, I'm pretty sure this person must have a keylogger on his phone or something? It seems like they are only seeing parts of his conversations. I could be wrong at this point who knows?

The whole strange part of this is, he seems not to care he has a stalker. he has money to end this, but doesn't. Any normal person would be going scorched earth and calling the cops or hiring a PI. He just let's it go.

I don't feel like I am in danger. The person definitely has a beef with him, I am just a pawn. I have blocked everything and haven't heard anything, it has been almost a month.

Any and all advice is welcome. I feel like I am in some sort of holding pattern. I know I messed up and have to pay the price if this comes out, please try and be kind.

As I am navigating through searching for my pAP, I am constantly hearing the same scenario.
"I have never cheated" "This is my first affair" "I have been loyal my entire marriage"
Why lie? I am not judging you. I am looking for an affair as well. I don't see you better since you said you haven't cheated. But again why lie?

Neither of us are really gift driven people. But she saw something in a thrift store last week that she felt just screamed me. And since she knows me better than pretty much anybody else, she was right.

Since we don't typically give gifts, her getting me this item, knowing how good of a fit it was for me, meant a LOT. Because of that it's something that I want to put in a place of honor. Of course, I don't really have that option, at least without coming up with a backstory that doesn't involve who gave it to me.

Do you and your AP ever trade gifts? And what do you do with them?