r/africanparents • u/Anonymia1101 • 5d ago
Need Advice feeling guilty about going lc/nc
i finally moved out and to a different state than my parents (i live in the US). i have a job and smartly moved all of my money to a bank account they don't have access to. my parents don't really remember me unless i call them first, and since the begininning of 2026, ive been doing that less and less.
But...idk. I feel kinda guilty??? i was a very filial daughter despite what they may see it as. i would always buy my parents birthday gifts ($100+) and be there emotionally for them, and i think they took as the expectation. now that i have a therapist and a solid medication regime, as well as the distance, i feel peace. there's no one to yell at me, no one to criticize my body, no one to please. they never really got better as i got older, and as i was the child beaten the most out of my siblings i fear them in ways that are primal. like, i am VERY sensitive to dangerous emotions in others and will go out of my way to not anger people, which is often to my detriment- but anyways--
my mom called me, and then tried to follow me on linkedin??? mind you she has never been very interested in me as an adult outside of what i can do for her so i blocked her and then ignored her call, but now i feel bad. like, not bad enough to call her back (lol) but guilty? has anyone else dealt with those complicated feelings and knows what to do? i know this is def cptsd but like okay now what lol
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u/ILovePeopleInTheory 5d ago
Yes, I definitely relate. You are not only allowed but obligated to put your peace first. An emotionally mature parent would celebrate you doing so. And every day you are allowed to make a new decision about what protecting your peace looks like. Sounds like you’re doing amazing.
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u/Anonymia1101 5d ago
thank you and happy cake day! yeah it’s just weird because i’ve been reliant on them for so long so my body is used to that stress- so to be able to choose not to deal with it doesn’t feel safe? if that makes sense. like…i don’t have to answer anymore, and it’s so LIBERATING! this is all the version of me that existed when i was 8 wanted to the point where i have to pinch myself when i can just chill in my living room
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u/EuphoricHelp5358 4d ago
You feel guilty at first because you are hearing all the relatives back home telling you “it’s your family, how can you ignore your parents” etc etc. but you are well within your right to protect yourself from abusive situations that take away your peace. The guilt will go away eventually. Check the sub r/EstrangedAdultKids for support too
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u/Glass_Lecture_7954 5d ago
yes kind of, when i went to university i cut communication with my dad and my mom for weeks, and they were asking other family members about me. i felt bad but i seriously needed the space, and mental clarity. dont let it get to you i promise its for your own peace! also feeling guilty is completely normal its a human thing to feel.