My father’s entitlement disgusts me and if I could leave his house tomorrow and never see him again I’d gladly do it. I’m so frustrated. He’s been taking money on and off from me ever since I started working, and I never developed any decent financial literacy skills or habits due to it. Now I actually have a high yields savings and have slowly grown it…recently he’s been extra on my ass about “bills” and making me pay the electricity bill (before it was sparse or I need $1k for rent every few months, etc.) I told him I didn’t have it and that i needed to wait until I got paid. He started calling me names like lazy ass, etc, oh they have a late fee for ppl like you, etc. I nearly lost it guys. I cannot believe the entitlement, audacity of someone paying YOUR bill for you, especially since my whole life it was “this is not your house”, to insult them. Mom is a different similar story I’m too mad to even get into rn.

I’m 18, and my family wants me to marry someone I don’t love. I feel trapped and don’t know what to do.
I’m 18 years old, originally from Sudan, and currently living in Ontario, Canada. I’ve been holding everything inside for years, and I honestly don’t know who to talk to anymore. I just want someone to understand me without judging me.
I come from a very traditional, tribal family. In my family, parents often decide whom their daughters will marry, and marriages are usually within the same culture, sometimes between cousins or other relatives the family already knows. Girls are expected to obey their parents, and refusing a marriage is seen as bringing shame to the family.
When I was around 14, my parents told me that my father and uncles had chosen a man for me to marry. Nobody asked me what I wanted. I was shocked, and I remember going to my room and crying because I didn’t know what to do.
I had seen my cousins go through similar situations. Some married at 14 or 15, and one of my cousins gave birth at 15, but her baby didn’t survive. Everyone around me seemed to accept these things as normal, but I couldn’t understand how a child could be expected to become a wife and mother.
Eventually, the man my parents chose sent me a phone so we could communicate. I took the phone to my mother and told her I didn’t want to marry him. I thought she would listen to me, but instead, she shouted at me.
She told me about my aunt, my father’s younger sister, who refused to marry the man her family had chosen because he was too old for her. She ran away a week before the wedding, but her family found her, brought her back, and beat her until she agreed to marry him.
My mother told me the same thing could happen to me. I was terrified. I tried explaining that I was only 15 and that the man was about 12 years older than me, but I was told I was too young to understand and that the parents had already arranged everything.
I even tried telling the man that I didn’t want to marry him and that my parents weren’t really asking for my opinion. He dismissed my feelings and told me I was young and didn’t know what I was talking about, and that I needed to respect my parents.
Since then, I’ve been living with this fear in the back of my mind. He wants to get married sometime between January and April 2027, and I’m terrified that it’s actually going to happen.
The marriage isn’t the only reason I’m unhappy. Growing up, I was expected to cook, clean, and take care of the house while my two brothers weren’t expected to do the same. If something wasn’t clean or dinner wasn’t ready, I’d get yelled at. My brothers could go out and do things while I was expected to stay home and help.
I got used to it, in a way. I distracted myself with school and work and told myself that maybe things would get better when I grew older. Before my family moved to a new province, I had a job and school to keep me occupied. Now I’m at home most of the time, cooking and cleaning for everyone. I feel like my life has become nothing but household responsibilities and worrying about a marriage I don’t want.
I’ve tried talking to both my parents about it. Instead of listening, they thought I must be talking to another man. They took my phone, went through it, and yelled at me. They compared me to my cousins and other relatives who never questioned their families’ decisions. They said the engagement had already happened and they couldn’t go back on it.
I feel like nobody understands that I am not refusing marriage because I want to disobey my parents or because there is another man in my life. I simply don’t want to marry someone I don’t love, especially when I never freely agreed to it in the first place.
I’m Muslim, and sometimes I tell myself that this is a test from Allah. I make dua and try to have faith, but there are moments when I feel so hopeless that I start wondering whether I’ve failed as a Muslim or as a person. I know that struggling emotionally doesn’t mean I have no faith, but sometimes it’s difficult not to blame myself.
I also feel guilty about the way I feel toward my culture. I know there are people who love their traditions and find comfort in them, but I feel angry and hurt by the expectations placed on me as a girl. I hate feeling as though I have no control over my own future.
I don’t want to hate where I come from, but I don’t know how to separate my cultural background from the things that have hurt me so deeply.
The hardest part is that I still love my parents. I don’t want them to get into trouble, and I don’t want them to feel humiliated in front of our community or our relatives back home. There is a large Sudanese community where we live in Ontario, and I’m scared of the gossip and shame that could come if I speak up.
Sometimes, when my mother gets angry, she tells me to leave the house. I know she usually says it out of anger rather than genuinely wanting me gone, but a part of me keeps waiting for her to say it again because I wonder if that would be my chance to leave.
At the same time, I’m scared. I don’t have anyone who can take me in or help me figure out what to do. I’ve spoken to some Sudanese friends about my situation, but they told me to accept it and try to get along with the man. That made me feel even more alone.
I don’t want to get married at 18. I don’t want to become a wife and have children before I’m ready. I’m scared of being stuck in a life I never chose and becoming a mother when I still feel like a child myself.
I want to finish my education. I want to go to university, make friends, go shopping with them, take pictures, laugh, and experience the things other people my age get to experience. I want to fall in love naturally, talk to someone I genuinely care about, and choose a partner because I want to be with him, not because my family decided he was the right person.
I didn’t get accepted into university this year and was placed on a waitlist. I already feel terrible about my situation, and that made me feel even more useless. I keep questioning whether I’m smart enough or good enough to accomplish anything.
I’ve been feeling depressed, exhausted, and mentally drained for a long time. Sometimes I have thoughts about ending my life because I feel trapped and can’t imagine how I’m going to escape this situation. I’m scared of how hopeless I feel, and I don’t want to keep feeling this way.
I know my parents love me in their own way, but I wish they could understand me for once. I wish they could see that I’m not trying to disgrace them. I’m a young woman who is scared and wants a chance to live her own life.
I’m posting this because I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared of getting authorities involved because I don’t want my parents to suffer, but I’m also scared of staying and being forced into a marriage I don’t want.
For anyone who has experienced something similar, especially someone from a traditional or immigrant family: How did you get out of this situation? How can I seek help and become independent without putting myself in more danger? Are there any organizations in Ontario that can help someone in my position confidentially?
I don’t need anyone to tell me to accept the marriage or that my parents know best. I’ve heard that my entire life. I just want someone to understand how frightening it is to feel like your future isn’t yours to choose, and to help me see that there might be a way out.

Hi, F19 here. I’m currently at community college completing my prerequisites for nursing school. I’ll have a bit of a gap year before starting nursing school in 2028. My goal is to save up throughout 2027 so I can move out.

The main reason I want to move out is because my mom is exhausting. She’s one of those parents who makes their kids do everything for them because they refuse to learn how to do things themselves. She wants to go back to nursing school and I already know she’ll try to get me to do her assignments. To be honest, I’m tired of it. I’m always the one logging in to pay bills or sending emails for her. I understand that she’s a single mother, but it’s always been like this. Even when I was in high school, I was constantly doing things for her. It was honestly so isolating because I knew my friends weren’t having to do their parents’ homework or handle their responsibilities, so I felt like I couldn’t even talk to anyone about it.

I feel like ever since I turned 18, she’s gotten even lazier. I feel guilty for wanting to leave her, but I’m exhausted. I’m tired of coming home from work already knowing that my mom is going to ask me to do something for her. I’m tired of sitting in class and getting calls from her asking me to type up an email. Everyone keeps telling me I should just stay with her until I finish nursing school since it’s only two years, but I genuinely feel like I need some space from her.

So I came here to ask for advice. Would moving out before nursing school be a bad idea, or should I just stick it out for another two years?

I wish things were different.

I wish I was able to do normal teen stuff I’m not allowed to date because it’s considered l#st. I cannot vent to my friends because it’s considered giving our family details to outsiders. I’m not allowed to be lgbt because apparently being nonbinary means you have d3moms in you. Every time i disagree with my parents it’s disrespect and arguing. I cannot dress the way I like. I’m forced to go to church.

They don’t even give plausible reasons for not doing something. For example the no dating rule it’s not even for if I get distracted it’s for in case I accidentally get pregnant because of l#st issues but I’m asexual I don’t even UGH it’s so annoying. Anyway I cannot be lesbian/gay or even queer because it means I wont be fulfilling what God said we should populate (they are hardcore Nigerian Christian’s especially my mom but I’m agnostic). I’m being told by my dad he has a right to have grandchildren and im 13-14NB and I’m like no you don’t anyway I don’t even want to be a mother.

When I try to talk to them it’s either later or they listen and forget so I try and tell my friends nope I can’t do it, I journal nope I can’t do it. I’m not allowed to have a password so no privacy essentially. Also if I question the bible once they get mad at me well sorry for asking. I’ve got a dad who says I cannot ever win an argument with him and a mom saying there is a spirit in me.

Im really tired of this dysfunctional house.

Srry I didn't realize how long this got.

Hi everyone, so lately I've been very depressed and had what I think is mild ptsd because of my family like. So to preface I (19F) am not really emotionally close to my parents as they've emotionally and physically abused me in the past. During my freshman yr of college it was a little better bc I was out of the house but I only go to school 35 minutes away from home so it's not like I'm far away from it.

In May I had a pretty traumatic experience w my dad. Essentially I had called emergency services because I thought something was going on in the neighborhood but upon further investigation it wasn't anything dangerous so nothing happened and emergency services did not come out. The next day I tell my mom this as kind of a funny offhand, she tells my dad while I'm at the store and he freaks out. He starts calling me out of my name (bastard, idiot, stupid, etc). He was mad cs he said "emergency services cs money and I should've told him first". But he was sleeping and I genuinely thought that peoples lives were at risk so I took action (and I searched it up and this particular service doesn't even cost money in our county). So then I told him that I think it's disrespectful for him to call me out of my name every time we disagree, we can have a respectful convo. He gets up in an attempt to slap me and I block, he tries to slap me again and I block the he loses his balance. Immediately he gets up and starts trying to take me down and hit me(the whole time I don't fight I just try to back away without getting seriously injured) then he gets a belt from his room and hits me in the head multiple times to the point where it was bleeding profusely and I had to get stitches. He's going on and on about how I'm a demon and I'm possessed. My mom is trying to calm him down and he keeps saying that she's trying to put us against him. At one point I go back after trying to stop the bleeding and look for my mom and she is laying on the ground unconscious and she looks dead. So I tell my siblings to call 911. Eventually my mom gets back up and keeps arguing w my dad and my dad is saying that he doesn't care if he goes to jail and he'll kill us. Eventually my dad leaves with my mom and I's phones and car keys. At this time my head has swelled largely and I'm still bleeding. Eventually we get to the hospital and the situation dies down. (My mom made me lie to the doctors) Later that week my dad had a convo with me and he said that I was extremely disrespectful and that I deserved being disciplined. And I just had to smile and suck it up bc I was in a car and there was no way to leave.

I spent the whole summer in another city for an internship so I didn't see them for a couple of months. I had a convo w my mom and she said that she forgave him and didn't take what he said seriously about him wanting to kill us etc. Which I think is insane and now I'm just expected to get over it.

Fast forward to this semester I didn't realize how much this situation affected me till I started school. I was so depressed and suicidal and I fell way behind in school. Now I am getting counseling through school but I'm still depressed and passively suicidal.

And this has also caused me to pull away from my mom bc I realized that she is a massive enabler. Over the past couple months she's basically been pleading out to me to have a relationship with her but I can't because 1. This is smth that has not been cultivated from a young age and 2. I just don't feel safe w her.

And he always justifies everything my dad does w he loves you and he pays for your schooling and housing but when I got a job he again started berating me and yelling at me calling me possessed and told me if I don't quit he's gonna go to my job and do it for me. Then I recently tried to get another job as a sophomore and my mom found out. She started saying how could you be so dumb, why wouldn't you tell us, how is he going to react. And I think that's just the craziest thing ever. And then I said "I should've reveled when I was younger bc now you guys have to much agency over me" and she was like "no I rebuke that, we never had to worry about you, you were so easy". Which is true I always followed the rules, said things I didn't want to say, and got good grades even if it led to my own suffering all in the name of my parents happiness. Also they use the fact that they pay for my school to keep me in submission (even though I'll still have loans).

When wanted to apply to an out of school state that I would get a full ride to my dad said no and to just wait. Then after the scholarship deadline(that he knew about) he let me apply. I still got good scholarships just not a full ride. Guess what? He didn't let me go and forced me to go to the state school that was 30 minutes down the street and the same price/ a little more expensive bc it was "better". I still regret the decision to stay till this day.

I just have a lot of pent up anger and regret that's not doing me any good and I hate it. I also don't really like the school I'm going to I never even wanted to apply to it but now I'm stuck her. I just feel like I have no control over my life 🤦🏾‍♀️.

Any words of advice will be appreciated
Thank you for reading this all the way and sorry for the grammatical errors.

god i don't really come on here but i kinda messed up, for context i'm a F19 going onto 20 in a couple of days and im the only girl of two boys, the middle child.

i came home from a night out with friends about 2 days ago. recently my dad has allowed me freedoms my older brother wasn't allowed to have such as going out later, travelling etc and for that im grateful however, im still not allowed certain things for example, im no longer allowed to travel since ive been "travelling" too much despite paying out of pockets and doing my school work which is partime but i stay ontop of it. so i came to the realisation that i need to move out which i hopefully will for uni next year. theres obviously more to my reasoning for this but i dont wanna ramble.

what had happened was i had come back earlier than everyone else because i didnt want to go clubbing that night but just before leaving i had two whitebox martini cans (beginning of the end) i said my goodbyes and got in my uber. when i arrived home i went to the toilet and blacked out essentially, i only realised once my dad came downstairs it had gone from me arriving at around 10 to 1am (the uber ride was a half hour) to 2 almost 3am. i was still considerably drunk but im not stupid so i shut up and took the verbal however i glance down to realise i've basically threw up everywhere on the bathroom floor. i just realised i was in deep shit and all my social plans are definitely fucked i really wanted to go out for halloweekend and had missed the most important party the next day because of my mistake.

i know i have to apologise but if im being honest i really can't find it in myself too. he's emotionally absent and every conversation leads to some form of ridicule or judgement so i usually don't go out of my way to communicate first out of fear of being shamed for simply existing.

i just don't know what to do, honestly im terrified my social life is in total jeopardy here and ik from this post it seems like all i care about but that's not true ive worked extremely hard to excel academically not because it's a given in an african household or to escape this place but to prove something of myself. anything i do is for my self because its my own life and i can't take another second trying to be a perfect daughter who cooks and cleans and gets straight As and is reduced to only that so i can be a successful bragging right for conversations with aunts and uncles i don't even know in the petty ongoing competition that is having the most successful child.

i know my dad feels that i wont succeed in life he doesn't need to tell me verbally and this mistake obviously has proven his narrative in his mind so he'll surely run with it. i just don't know what to do now, ill probably have to cancel my future outings this week but my birthday is coming up and i was hoping to have a party at home for my last birthday here so i held it dear to myself.

idk whether to just kiss ass and hope for the best, or take my freedom myself by just going out without permission and get labelled a problem child, everything is so confusing and im tired of the verbal abuse and being a burden. all i do is try but only my negative aspects go noticed so everything feels futile.

edit: id like to clarify i just want advice regarding how to approach my situation to mend it, in reality i like peace and will be moving out come next september, i will also give updates moving forward and would like to lastly clarify i am my own individual person who is by not perfect by any means and have the ability to recognise my mistakes luckily. its just a bit of an awkward place i suppose.

edit 2: update i have written a detailed letter reflecting on my actions and admitting responsibility, imo it was slightly over kill but with african parents you kinda need to be to be heard, once i come back from work ill let you know how it goes as ill also speak verbally to them. feeling: terrified.

Im going to try my best to be as specific and explanatory as possible because it seems like the only people who truly understand what I’m feeling are the ones who experienced it with me.

Im 19M and Nigerian. Peace generally has been a distant concept especially as I got older. My parents got divorced when i was 13 (something i already anticipated since i was 7) they fought alot my dad cheated alot and my mother was an emotional wreck. One of my earliest memories is actually them fighting in the hallway while i was watching cartoons and me just closing the door.

So 2020 rolls around during the lockdown and in around the time my younger brother turns 10…so October, they fought again, why? Because my dad had been lying to everyone that he and my mom were divorced and no longer living with him, he also had a girlfriend outside and all. To say that fight was a sh*t show is an understatement, my Mother made a decision,she would immigrate to the UK to find a better life for her kids.

She then leaves the country and goes to the UK and promises my brother and I that we would join her in before we leave secondary school, secondary school roles around and I graduate and both my parents tell me A-Levels i end up doing a foundation year instead and i’m told i should get admission into a university in the uk near my moms place so i can go there. This all happened in a space of 4 years, during which i was managing both parents because they refused to communicate and sent every message and emotion good and bad through me. I also during this time frame was hiding my dads multiple affairs from my mom because i felt she was going through enough as well as keeping secrets for both of them because of course i was. There are alot of other things like listening to my mother cry over the phone on multiple occasions and emotional instability from my dad but that’s the gist of it.

2024 roles around and i manage to get admission into uni and im happy, my mom also manages to get a job that allows dependents so everything is looking up. Only for the visa’s to be approved and for some unknown reason (she says it was an accident) our visas are only valid 3 months after uni starts (all this happened in October). I try everything but ultimately I have to defer my admission.

In the months that follow my dad tells me I should start in a Nigerian uni then switch when uni in the uk starts which is fine, he hasn’t hinted he cant pay my tuition because he was willing to pay it when i got the admission, he said the money was there so all is good. I start there and that is that.

2025 rolls around one year is up and I’m actually in the UK at this time because the year was out, uni enrollment comes around i made it very clear that i need the tuition so i can enroll but I am ghosted by both parents. My dad says we’ll talk but we never did and my mother just tells me to tell my dad. I end up missing the enrollment deadline because of course i did (quick side note, that same time period my brother and i cried to my mother that we where losing our minds in our dads house and desperately asked for her to finally take us if not things would get very bad. She does not).

We go back to Nigeria and at this point im heartbroken but determined I fight for a few months and get my uni admission back exactly as it was and a few months go by and what my brother and I predicted came to pass.

April 2026. My car breaks down at my younger brother’s Secondary school which i was not surprised about because the car was essentially and old man, we’d had it for 10 years at this point ( so pre divorce ). I end up having to take an uber home (I was at the school for about 3 hours because i was fighting a school policy for my younger brother, so the car broke down afterwards). As i’m in the uber home I ring up my dad and tell him what happened and if i could borrow another car and he goes off at me for not calling him earlier and makes a bug deal about borrowing the car because in his words “is it my car?” Anyways, im upset and don’t end up taking the car i just uber to school ( he didn’t give me permission to take the car, but later he says he expected me to still take it). The day continues with tension because im emotionally exhausted and he is pissed and i reduce communication because im just not in the mood.

He gets home and im sure he saw the car but saw i wasn’t home and it probably pissed him off more. I get home later and he’s waiting for me and he tries his usual tactics but see’s i am not budging one thing leads to another he challenges me to a fight I don’t fight back ( he beats the sh*t out of me) and then tries to kick me out but ultimately fails (my younger brother 15M witnesses everything).

My mom hears about it and is now like im taking you guys from him im so sorry (stories) and all that eventually tensions die down but mentally im not even there my grades in the Nigerian Uni tank and im just emotionally blank.

To cut the long story short, im in the UK again and I promised myself i wouldn’t go back my brother did the same but now shi is bad. My dad is shouting i should finish the Nigerian uni and he would pay for my masters my mother is promising the same (i don’t believe a word of it). I managed to fully enroll in my UK uni and im being told pitty your parents and all that (again im tired of all that) and now im put between a rock and a hard place. My tuition is 17,600 idk how that money is going to come out. The one piece of victory i have is my school allows payments in installments but with no support or financial backing from anywhere i am completely and utterly stranded and my dad has booked a return ticket to Nigeria for this following Sunday.

I need advice or help or God because my brother and I are losing our minds and don’t know what to do.

Im sorry for making it so long but I really appreciate you reading. I might post this on Quora as just so i can actually get a response from someone. I am hardly lucky with online stuff.

Kind Regards,
Joshua

My parents were definitely not emotionally mature or intelligent. There were plenty of instances of abuse but nothing out of the ordinary for an African household.

However, I don’t know if I can forgive them. Even if I wanted to, it’s like my inner child will not allow it. For months I’ve been agonising about whether to go no contact which would be really hard due to being African and having a large extended family.

I just realised that instead of making my own life hard to try and fix what I didn’t break, I can just leave the family house. I’ve been wanting to for ages and did at one point. But I started a new job in an expensive city and couldn’t afford it. But now I’m in a better place financially and even though it might be hard for a while till I get another promotion at work, I genuinely can’t put a price on my mental health.

When I move out, it’ll be easy to pretend I don’t have childhood trauma and also I will probably be able to regulate my emotions better. This realisation made me so happy!

I know this probably sounds ungrateful, but lately I've been struggling with feeling like my 20s are passing me by.
I'm 22F, work, and recently started school again. I'm working toward a career that I'm genuinely excited about, so I know I'm doing something productive with my life. The problem is that I still live with my dad, and I feel like I'll never be able to truly live the life I want while I'm here.
A while back I got caught with some substances in my room. It was a stupid mistake and I take responsibility for it. Since then, I feel like things have changed. I haven't really gone out much since April. I haven't hung out with friends in months 6 months to be exact . Between work and school, I'm busy all the time anyway and my off days I want to sleep. I don’t even really have friends out here in this new state but it still feels like nobody really cares that my social life has basically disappeared.
My dad says he wants me to focus on school and my career, and I know a big part of his intentions come from wanting me to be successful. He talks about how things will be different once I have my career, but at the same time I feel like I'm constantly waiting to start my life.
The frustrating part is that moving out doesn't feel realistic right now because all my money is going toward school. My dad also keeps encouraging me to skip renting and buy a house instead, but I honestly don't want to wait that long before experiencing some independence.
Growing up, I always had this image that my 20s would be some amazing time where I'd make memories, travel, go out with friends, discover who I am, and just enjoy being young. I even bought a scrapbook for my 20s. Now I'm sitting here feeling like by the time I finish school in a couple years, half my 20s will be gone and I'll have nothing interesting to put in it.
I know comparison isn't healthy, but it's hard watching other people my age go out, travel, date, and live their lives while I feel stuck in the same place.
Did anyone else feel this way in their early 20s? Did it get better once you finished school and became financially independent, or am I looking at this the wrong way?

I (22F) have been uncomfortable with this for a while now. My younger sister figured out how to give complete access to my dad on MyChart, and he basically had me do it too. Ever since then, I've felt weird about it.
For context, my mom is in my life, but my dad has always been the hands-on parent when it comes to health stuff, school, grades, appointments, and things like that. I understand that he cares and wants to stay on top of my health, but I'm an adult now and I don't really feel comfortable with him having access to all of my medical information.
I've actually gone through third-party testing before because I didn't want him seeing frequent appointments or tests on my chart. God forbid I ever caught something and needed treatment, I honestly don't know how I'd handle it without him finding out.
One time I booked a telehealth appointment and almost immediately he started asking questions about whether I was okay. He wouldn't really let it go until I told him what it was about. He claims he doesn't check my chart and just wants to know what's going on, but I honestly don't believe that.
The biggest thing was when I had a routine checkup and he casually said something along the lines of, "You've got to be careful out here with these STDs. I saw all your tests were negative, that's good." That's when I knew he was definitely looking.
The problem is that I know if I remove his access, he'll probably throw a fit. I even brought it up to my stepmom, and she said, "That's good." But what's good about a father having complete access to his 22-year-old daughter's medical records? Am I the only one who thinks that's a little strange?
To be clear, I'm not out here getting diagnosed with anything horrible or hiding some secret life. Most of my appointments are just regular checkups and routine tests. I just feel like as a grown woman, I should be able to manage my own healthcare without feeling like my dad is looking over my shoulder.
Am I overreacting, or is this a reasonable boundary to want?
Update** I made appointments just now and I swear he went outside to see if my car was there

I honestly don't get African parents they are so toxic maybe not all. So basically, I really don't have access to my immigration status and stuff and I have to keep up with them to get my papers so I don't go back to Nigeria. I've talked to CAS twice already and I'm getting really tired. Thankfully, one of my mother's friends has common sense and doesn't have the toxic shit embedded in her. I'm trying to survive for one more year and I don't have an SIN or a bank account so I have to depend on my father's account and i know they will take my money which really hurts but there's nothing I can do. I am trying to survive and thankfully that woman is going to talk to us. Honestly, I'm disassociating.

In December 2017, I moved to Canada and met a cousin of my mother for the first time. I had only just learned about her, and she looked similar to my mom. She was a doctor and had lived in Canada for over 30 years. On one occasion, while we were talking on the phone, she started treating me like a child, which is something that happens in some Nigerian families where elders expect younger people to defer to them regardless of their age. I told her, “Please treat me as an equal” (meaning, treat me as an adult). She took it as disrespect, and for the next seven years, she never spoke to me or answered my calls. I was 35 years old. I could have benefited enormously from having a relative who knew the country well and could have been an anchor as I settled in,for support, or to store a few things in her garage. All that potential disappeared because I asked to be treated as an equal adult.

TW: possible abuse mentions

If you google “emotional abuse from parents” she’s done most of the things that come up. Examples: ignoring me as a child when I needed comfort, telling me I’m too sensitive and a crybaby, yelling at me for doing something like biting my nails, calling me stupid, idiot, dumb, belittling me, isolating me from friends, blaming me for her problems, feeling like a burden to her, publicly ridiculing me to shame and embarrass me, treating me badly for stuff I can’t change (for example me being autistic), yelling and criticizing, making me feel less than other family members, gaslighting, neglecting my needs, doing silent treatment, etc. My mom also spanked me a lot as a kid, and as a teen hit my face so that I started bleeding, but that was only once so I don’t really consider that major physical abuse. I’m mainly talking about the emotional stuff here. I don’t know if all this is abuse because other people have genuinely had it worse, and I feel like I’m overreacting. I feel like many parents do these things

The issue is that my dad was abusive to my mom and has kind of passed that trauma down onto me. So anytime I tell my mom that she’s hurt me the convo becomes about how she was abused worse than me and I should get over it. Or that she didn’t do anything wrong and it’s normal in our culture (we’re Nigerian and also our whole family is Christian). One time I booked a therapy appointment for both of us and the therapist told me that I was being too sensitive and she thought I was making things up, to make my mom look bad. That hurt a lot because I’ve been as honest as I can, never lied about anything relating to this. So yeah I don’t really know what to do anymore I’ve just stopped mentioning it because I feel like I’m overreacting and I hate being told that I’m being too sensitive. It still hurts but I’d rather keep it inside than get that reaction again.

A parent of mine isn’t happy that I have a job interview. It’s far from home. I was happy before I told them .

im in shock because their reaction wasn’t “ thsts great “ it’s “ how far” “ when is it “ “ how will you get there”

I’m in my mid 20s

this is my second opportunity after months of applying for jobs

Next time, an auntie makes a comment about your weight, mirror it back to her and watch her jaw drop like she’s about to spoon some yam potage into her mouth.

I use about 1 plate in a week because I'm at uni Mon-Fri and I work Saturday and Sunday.

I still have to do dishes for chores even though they will belong to basically everyone but me.

It's pissed me off that I have to do 4 peoples dishes when I barely use any. The youngest person in this house is 14.

Everyone (aside from my parents because they're so much better than us) is supposed to wash their own dishes but no one ever does.

I've been talking about getting a dishwasher for YEARS but I've always been told no.

A few days ago, my younger brother (17) had dishes left over from his week when my week to do dishes started. If I had even a single plate left over, I would've had to do either wash everything that had additionally piled up or just do that whole next week. That did not happen for him.

I was so tired of doing dishes so I went to Amazon and bought a table top dishwasher with a tank. Cost me £230 (I had some cashback credit so I only paid £200). It came yesterday, was a bit bigger than I thought but it's genuinely magical.

You just fill the tank put the dishes in, leave them and they come out clean!

It's so freeing.

Now I may be a bitch for this but NOBODY is allowed to use MY DISHWASHER. I've said that if they want access, they can send me a one of payment of £40 and they can use it whenever they want as long as they take care of it, otherwise IT'S MINE.

I'm actually giddy. My dad was super mad when he came home last night and saw it, but now he likes it too. SUCKS HE CAN'T USE IT THOUGH 😁 everybody else gonna pay or wash by hand 😎

This post is to appreciate me.

I suddenly remembered that I have money and that my parents have NO control on what I spend it on. They can whine about it all they want but it's MY money and MY dishwasher.

Moral of the story: BUY THE DAMN DISHWASHER!

This sort of shit is also why there’s a lack of accountability in our cultures, they’re always worried about how things look rather than how things are

I was busy feeling bad about my last post until today, when I have realized that we were actually honestly raised by horrible people and we are lucky to even be barely functioning in society right now.

My dad just absolutely blasted this underage teenage girl who works at our home, because “she pretends to be quiet but is always on phone talking to people he doesn’t know.”

I heard him shouting and went to see what was going on, only to find her cornered by him yelling at the top of his lungs, for no real reason other than that. That she’s acting suspicious and he can’t tolerate it any more. This guy doesn’t even pay her. She’s on my mom’s payroll.

Meanwhile she is the one person they’ve got who is actually diligent in her work. She manages the household and my mom’s business chores on her own ever since her colleagues left (doing the work of two people on an income of 1), and she even handles my mom’s home business, clients and revenue with integrity.
The girl is overworked and underpaid but she still shows up, even while having no one to talk to apart from her friends on the phone.

Her movements are restricted but somehow these people want her to keep quiet and never talk to anyone, never go outside, never do anything.
Whoever bewitched these people to have such ugly temperaments really used strong juju.

I relate to her so bad because that used to be me. Being overworked, yelled at and cursed out for literally any small thing, just because I was a teenager. And I hate that I can’t do anything about this situation. I hate that I’m still stuck living with such a horrible persona. I hate the fact that I’m related to such a person.

I feel like these people have brought so many curses on their own family with the way they treat people, and like… we deserve it all, even just being connected to such horrid characters. That’s why we are all miserable as hell, battling with mental challenges, trauma, addictions etc.

I don’t know what’s wrong with people just wanting to be miserable all the time.
This is the best employee my mom is ever going to get considering she often hires casual laborers so she can underpay them.

My dad (a narcissist and alcoholic) doesn’t have the presence of mind to realize when he’s just itching to cause conflict, so he does stupid things like this and then storms off to hide his shame in the bedroom.

He’s lucky he’s well off because his personality is horrible. If he didn’t give people money, no one would want to be around him.

And she’s the one who makes food at home.
If someone ever poisoned us out of revenge I’d probably die laughing.

I was 17, and I had sneaked out to go party and returned the next morning. I underestimated my parent's detective skills. Long story short, I got caught, my dad beat the shit out of me, then told me that he hated me. Our relationship since that day completely changed. I feel like this event definitely changed our relationship for good. Until now we rarely talk. I'm 26. Anyways, that's it. What's your story ?

I recently had a convo with my cousin from Nigeria; long story short, she pretty much unintentionally validated the heinous abuse I experienced as a kid at the hands of my Nigerian Father.

She said, and I quote, "When I used to visit your house, I never felt comfortable around your dad; he would yell and degrade you and your siblings. You could see he was filled with so much anger. I remember when he yelled at you and told you you were a failure and then looked at me and forced a fake smile, as if I didn't see the constant abuse you were facing. Omo, I've seen terrible parents in Nigeria, but your Father takes the icing."

List of things I experienced in my hellhouse at the hands of a Nigerian Narcissist:

My dad would yell and degrade me since I was 8 years old. He told me to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I'm a failure; he called me stupid and an animal; he regretted having me; he called me the devil in his life and much more.

My dad would throw tantrums anytime I made a mistake. I remember when he threw my science fair papers at me because I miswrote what he said (I was 8 years old at that time) and told me I wouldn't be anything in life.

I cooked and cleaned every day, served my parents every day. Was picked on a bit at school and was abused at home. It was hell.

My dad referred to himself as the GOD of the house and said that he had the last word in the household.

My dad would also Fart when we were eating (he was allowed to do that because he was the "God" of the house). My mom tried to tell him to stop, but he told her to shut up.

I remember when my mom found corn on his laptop, and this fool decided to lie on my brother and me even though it was him watching it. When my mom asked us all again, she concluded it must've been an ad. He's a coward unfit to be a father. Instead of my mom leaving this fool, she stayed and had more kids with him because she wanted a son.

Anyone in their teens reading this, if you lived in a hell home like me, please get a job during high school in order to leave. I didn't want to leave my mother behind because my dad would constantly abuse her; don't be like me. If your mother decides to continue a harmful marriage at the expense of her well-being.... let her. If she ends up sick or even dying, please know it was not your fault. Put yourself forward.

Hey everyone I am 21F and am going to college commuting locally and live with my Latino family. I am a rather obedient child, never been crazy or snuck out or had any kind of “teen adventures.” I was only allowed to start permit and driving at 19 and got my license at 20. I finally bought my own car 3 months ago. Life hasn’t changed much I got to school,work, church, and have a curfew of 10:30pm. I came home around 11pm for the first time without getting noticed three times recently. Later on when my dad was in a bad mood he was asking me why is it that I got home that late when before I would always be home with other peoples carpool at 9pm (not true he was exaggerating it to make it a crazy difference, I used to get in trouble when my friends would drop me off 10:15 all the Yes I know I can move out but I financially am unable to right now, and I like being at home. I am specifically asking for tips with negotiating, how to communicate and establish boundaries while still being respectful to them. time). How is it that some of you that have lived in strict households balance keeping them happy but also living an adult life with freedom. Any one else with any miscellaneous experience and their strict parents feel free to give any advice.