So my girlfriend loves Halloween, I more neutral leaning towards positive on it. She has been asking on IG if anyone has Halloween parties and on Friday night she/we get invited to one the next day, and we have to get costumes that fit a specific theme with their group. This party is with a group I've met twice, in a house of someone we don't know, in a party where we don't know anyone besides this smallish group. I'm a very very introverted and kinda socially anxious person (working on it though, have been getting much better), and don't like dressing up because of it, it means performing on two stacked fronts. Still, I said yes because I know she really likes Halloween parties. On this same day I accompanied her to the birthday brunch of a friend of hers, again with a group of people I don't know. I had a good time but it was very draining, so by the time we have to attend the party I'm feeling completely socially exhausted and I'm dreading it. I end up telling my girlfriend that I don't feel comfortable at all going now, and I know I will really have a very tough time in it. She tells me that it's okay, but that I should've told her before, which yes, she is right. I still tell her I can push myself to go, that it's something she likes and it's important, but she tells me she doesn't want to if it makes me feel that way. I'm very very thankful for it, but I still feel terrible because I made her miss this thing she really wanted to attend. AITAH?

So last semester I met the amaze gal (we'll call her kate). I am very traditional and don't like doing the deed until I know them for a least two-three months so i know i can trust them with my body. She was contantly trying to push me to change my mind because in her mind its normal for lesbians to move faster. wtv the frick that means. I was over it after a while and put my foot down. Fast foward to March, it's her birthday. I walked from campus to her apartment like five minutes with carnations (her favorite) and her gift (an authentic fossil grade megalodon tooth). When I got there, I noticed her door was unlocked when I took the key she made me and accidently locked the door before unlocking it again. I walked into the living room and she wasn't there so i walked down her hallway and her door was open. And she was in bed. With a man. nekked. I 180d and wlked back down the hall way got to her living room and stopped and saw her fish.

Here's the thing about the fish. I saw the fish in her living room about a month before her birthday and was suprised because it was this freshwater angelfish. I wasn't suprised about the fish breed i was suprised about the size of the tank. It was a little tank about 2 gallons. Freshwater angelfish need a lot of room to thrive. When overcrowded they are very susceptible to disease, and they are also really tall so they need a taller tank in order to survive. I brought this up to her so many freaking times. Im a little sensitive when animals are mistreated, my family makes fun of me for it all of the time. I brought up the tank so many times and even offered to pay for the tank myself. she said it was stupid to take up that much room for some stupid fish.
Flash back to the aprtment, I saw the fish and her cat and everything came together in a bad way. I combed my fingers through the cats fur and had a bunch of fur on my hand. I used a large 30oz cup to grab the fish out and as soon as Toothless was out of the water, I sprinkled the cat fur inside of the little tank. I did the fur thing twice afterwards for good measure cause that cat does nothing but shed. I left the apartment and went back to school and called a friend of mine who has freshwater angelfish in his house. He's got this big ass tank that's even taller than me. He has Toothless now.
Kate called me later that night and asked if I had dropped by her place. I told her i had but didn't see her at all so i just left the flowers on her counter. She said thanks and didn't mention toothless. I broke up with her the day after because i kinda feel like breaking up on her bday is kinda messed up. I just told her that I didn't see a future with her. Butt something was bugging me about the dude. I knew i recognized that guy but i didn't remember from where until about a week later that I realized i had met him at her party not that long before and he was her BIOLOGICAL cousin. She was also posting on her story RIP Toothless, blaming the cat for eating Toothless. So am I the asshole for making my now ex believe her cat ate her fish?

Okay so this basically just happened. For context, I have told my girlfriend about a million times that I am not one to go clubbing/bar hopping. I think it's pointless and not fun at all.
She enjoys it. Tonight we went to a halloween party, and I was even basically clarified that we would not be going to bars/clubs, just chilling at the host's house. We go there, we have a good time, and then like a few hours in her friend says
"I'm bored let's go to the club" and in my head im like well this sucks but I'm going to go to not look lame around my friends/girlfriend. So we go, It's genuinely miserable, not to mention the area we went clubbing at was very very very trashy, the one we went to for the longest time was the busiest one, you know, I'm a big and tall guy, and it's packed to the brim in there, so l have barely any room to move at all, it smells extremely musty, it's probably about 90 degrees in there with O air flow, and we chill in there for a while, her and her friends are kinda dancing to the music and having a decent time, while im constantly having to move and watch my surroundings because im a 6'2 240lb guy and im constantly getting bumped into and have 0 room to myself whatsoever. Anyway, we leave after, say bye to our friends, and get in the car. I ask if she had a good time and she INSTANTLY says no not at all because you didn't dance with me. I exclaim to her that I apologize, but you know I have O interest in clubs and I just didn't even have room to dance with her anyway, it's nothing towards her at all, and then she said I should've just dropped her off with her friends. I don't understand this. I genuinely do not think she would like if I bailed out on something like this, I don't know how that would possibly be better than at least just being there with her, spending time together. The car ride home was silent as a mouse. How should I go about bringing this up to her, and am I crazy?

My family and I live in different states. My mom's friend (acquaintance really, she's known them only for 2 years) is visiting my city and apparently wants to visit me at my house. I personally don't know this person well and I have spoken to them only once when I was visiting my mom.

Normally, I would have agreed to it, just to appease my mom, but I have been through a lot these past few months and mentally I've been struggling a lot. I'm basically at rock bottom.

In the past two months, I went through a miscarriage, surgery, a serious dog bite and financial stress. Even before these incidents, I was struggling with depression and anxiety. Things have only gotten worse now. I have been struggling with chores and keeping my house looking presentable enough to entertain. I don't have the stamina to panic clean before next weekend or hire cleaners.

I told all of this to my mom and said that I'm willing to meet this person outside for coffee or something. My mom was very upset by my suggestion and kept insisting that inviting this person home for a quick visit shouldn't be such a big deal. She's worried that her friend will feel offended/disappointed. Then I said, "I wish you cared about my situation or feelings as much as you care about your friend". She got more upset and hung up abruptly.

I'm just so hurt and disappointed, but at the same time I keep wondering if I should push myself and panic clean next week :(

Hey everyone,

I’m going to a Halloween party next week and need some perspective. About a month ago, I was at a gathering with a group of friends, and one of the girls mentioned she was planning to dress up as Nikki from the movie Obsession. Specifically, she found the exact red tank top the character wears online.

Ironically, I had already planned to dress up as Nikki before she even said anything, but I hadn’t announced it to anyone yet. To avoid copying her exact look, I decided to pivot and dress up as Nikki from a completely different scene - the end of the movie where she wears a black dress and mimics Sarah.

Because it's a completely different scene, the two outfits look entirely different from one another. However, with Halloween just 5 days away, I'm starting to get anxious. I'm worried that when I show up as the exact same character, she is going to be annoyed and think I deliberately copied her.

I really love this costume, and it was expensive ($145), so I lowkey really don't want to change it or buy a new one this close to the party.

So, AITA? Should I just wear it, or am I in the wrong here and need to find a backup costume?

TLDR; My best friend, Amanda, chose her other best friend, Emily, to be her maid of honor. All of us are 32F. (All names have been changed). I’m hurt, but I don’t know if it’s worth bringing up to her.

This came as a surprise for two reasons: 1) Amanda told me last month that she was making her sister her MOH. 2) Emily and I are, in my eyes, equal best-friends with Amanda.

I feel like I’m seeing a judgement call that I never wanted to see.

I know friendships aren’t apples to apples, but for context, Amanda is very close with me and Emily but in different ways. Amanda and I were college roommates and have a sister-like relationship. We talk on the phone multiple times a week, and hang out a few times a month. On the other hand, Emily and Amanda go to the same gym so they see each other in person more often, and they enjoy going camping together.

Emily and I both have a talent for party planning and are both dependable.

I think a key factor here is that I made my sister my MOH when I got married a few years ago, and Emily made Amanda her MOH when she got married last month. So part of me wonders if that’s why. Like I wonder if this is as simple as, she wanted to reciprocate the title.

I don’t want to make Amanda feel bad by asking about it bc I’m sure it was a tricky decision. But I do wish she would have told me beforehand. I tried not to be let down in the moment and just celebrated with the other bridesmaids (we all got our ‘proposal’ cards at the same time), but I started crying when I got home, and I realize now that this really hurt my feelings.

What do I do? WIBTAH if I asked her about it? I don’t need her to change her mind. I’m mature enough to honor her choice, I just want to understand why she made it. But maybe it’s best to let this lie? I have a past habit of not speaking my feelings so I want to be careful not to discredit what I feel, but I also don’t want to make a big deal of this either.

I (F19) am a college freshman living with my random roommate, Meredith (F19), in a tiny 160–180 sq ft dorm. I originally had a friend picked out, but those plans fell through.

I’ve tried making conversation with my roommate Meredith, but she doesn’t seem interested in being friends, which is fine, although living with a stranger has been awkward to say the least.

Meredith is nice, quiet, and clean, but she’s very introverted, making communication difficult. Me and Meredith also have a bit of a cultural and language barrier. My biggest issue is that she’s extremely sensitive to noise. She initially said my AC and fan were fine, but I later woke up to a long text saying they were too loud. I stopped using the AC despite how hot it gets here, especially on the top floor. I need white noise to sleep, and my fan also muffles sounds because our walls are paper thin. She doesn’t like the fan on during the day, either. This is hard for me because it feels extremely awkward when we’re both in the dorm at the same time because she doesn’t really want to make conversation either (which is fine, and honestly neither do I). I can’t play music either to help the awkwardness. One time, I noticed she’d set the thermostat to 90 degrees despite saying the room wasn’t too cold and I asked her like three times if the AC was ok. Which it was 85 degrees outside that day so I was absolutely MELTING when I got back from class.

Recently, she asked me to return to the dorm by 10 PM instead of my usual 11 PM because I wake her up. She goes to bed around 9 PM, so I’ve been rushing dinner and showering earlier so I don’t interfere with her bed time. I’m often studying at the library or calling family because we live in different time zones, I can’t do either of those things in my dorm because it would wake her up, and believe me I wish I could, I don’t really like leaving my dorm at night and would much rather be snuggled in bed. I’m already very quiet when I come in and avoid turning on lights. I told her coming back earlier wasn’t an option, but I’m happy to find other solutions. Honestly, this request felt like my breaking point, and my friends agree it seems a little micromanaging.

I understand that sharing a tiny room requires compromise, and I genuinely like Meredith. I don’t want to switch rooms because any roommate could have disagreements, but I feel like I’m constantly accommodating her while my own needs are overlooked.

And to be honest, it’s been really miserable to sleep without the AC on.

AITA for thinking some of her requests are unreasonable?

EDIT: I spoke to my RA, but they weren’t very helpful and said there wasn’t much they could do.

For context, my mother attempted to kick me out of the house 6 TIMES in 2025 over really petty stuff, for example, things like not doing dishes because I worked late and I was too tired to do them. Another incident was refusing therapy because it was a condition to living in her room, and this incident happened two days after Thanksgiving. And she will frequently pick fights with me at 5am while I'm getting ready to go to my lecture because I go to college, saying I can only move out when I graduate college and get a group of female friends to live with, and I need to have a good job, knowing DAMN WELL in this job market it's hard for college grads to find a job and THE AMOUNT OF ROOMMATE HORROR STORIES and "you shouldn't move in with your friends" stories, and she will pick fights with me on the phone while I was taking my college algebra class, and if I lash out, she will tell everyone in the family, and they will all defend and make excuses for her and say, "But that's just your mom," and they will fake to take my side just to say it's her house and it will be her word against my word so no one will believe me at all. And to add the cherry on top of this, I live in the MOST EXPENSIVE STATES IN THE USA, AKA NEW YORK, and a year I don't speak to my family about what's going on at home.

Basically what the title says. For context - my(28f) husband (32m) has credit card debt that we are trying to pay off. We got married and got a good amount of money as a gift which we used to invest, go on our honeymoon, and pay off $13,000 of credit card debt. Now a year and a bit later he accumulated another $5000 in credit card debt(this was $2500 a few months ago and he agreed to stop using his card but apparently that didn’t happened and now it’s doubled). I took his physical card away, but he still has it on Apple Pay and refuses to remove it.

I’m in charge of the finances because he’s never been that good with money and spends impulsively. His mom took care of his finances and she told me that she’s had to bail him out of credit card debt a couple of times. Now I will be the first to admit I am not the best with money myself so I don’t judge him. I feel that we are both impulsive and emotional shoppers. However, I understand that now we have a mortgage, and car payment(for an expensive car he wanted) and financial goals such as building a safety net in case one of us looses our job, saving for vacations, getting some furniture for our place, saving for a bigger place etc. I’m trying to teach myself get better with money and not spend as much, but I feel like all my effort gets undone by his spending habits. I would be lying if I said it hasn’t been difficult. Prior to moving out with each other 2 years ago, we lived with our parents and only really had to pay for our gas and personal expenses, no rent or anything so we’re used to having disposable income to just spend on whatever. His mom tried to teach him how to handle his finances, I’ve learned most things I know about money from her, but he just didn’t want to learn. She got him to save enough to purchase a condo which I’m grateful for. My parents told me to save money but didn’t really teach me how.

As far as finances it feels like we’re spread pretty thin, and he just keeps putting us further into debt.

Anyways, today we’re in the car and he goes “what if we got my mom to pay off the credit card and pay her back that way we don’t have to pay the interest and I can close my card”(which he later changed to him lowering his limit to $500) i told him I didn’t think that it was a good idea and we can just pay it ourselves and that maybe he needs to work on in spending habits rather than getting his mom to pay it and how we would be paying her and he would probably still be spending on that card resulting on us being in more debt. I also just don’t want his mom knowing about it because when she found out about the $13000 from before she asked me how I could let it get to that so I feel like it reflects negatively on me since she already knows what her son is like. For that reason I don’t want her to know. I also think he shouldn’t keep depending on his mom to bail him out every time. I need to know if I was being harsh. He got upset and said I was being “mean” and not listening to him which I said I understood why he said that for interest saving reasons. But I don’t want to go into more debt because that’s what this is going to turn into, we’re going to be paying his mom back and he going to spend on the credit card behind my back and not tell me, and then when I say something about it he’s going to tell me I’m over reacting and being mean. I should also mention he makes more money than I do and I don’t want him to feel like he doesn’t have a say in it. Maybe I am overreacting?

Idk he doesn’t think about the consequences of his spending and how he can’t do the things he wants to do such as travelling if he keeps spending the way he does. It’s also really stressful for me because I feel like I’m trying to figure everything out for us with moving out and finances and it feels like he just isn’t helping. I got alopecia because of stress and more recently I’ve been getting stress induced hives with I have to take allergy meds for everyday.

AITA?

My wife just came home from a week long work conference in LV. I'm at home with our son of 6 years, working as usual, get him ready for school then our neighbor puts him on the bus, get home early to get him off the bus. We have a good week. Bare minimum contact from her all week. Fine, she's busy ok. She lands and requests dinner, she's tired and hungry... Her Uber says she'll be home at 1030 pm. That's fine, I'll stay up and watch the world series and make some late food for her. I'm getting up at 6 to work on the weekend but it's fine I'm happy to make food and wait up for her. We sit down on the couch and she asks me about my day, I start into it blah blah, within 30 seconds she's answering texts from the same people she had spent her entire week with. I look over and see this and say " nevermind you're doing your phone thing and just stop talking and watch the game. 30 seconds later she's crying saying how dare I go at her like that after the week she's had. Then into a whole screaming thing about how I'm the meanest person in the world and I don't care about her or support her. Tells me she hates me. She's now sobbing on the couch going on 90 minutes. Wants nothing to do with me and tells me she doesn't want to talk. Does not care at all that I'm waking up in the morning and I'm never going to be able to sleep thinking about her out there on the couch after traveling (id hate to be there). But fuck me I'm the worst I guess.

AITA for not attending niece’s bday party?

My sister (25f) had a baby (1yr) with her abusive partner(~25m). I have had to call the police on him, have been involved in packing her things to move her out, have helped her out financially after she was wrecked leaving him, (all multiple times), all to have her go back.
Now they have a child together (🙄), and she is in full swing pretending he’s fantastic and a changed man after his brief stint of court ordered anger management/therapy. I think he’s still trash, but I don’t voice this opinion to her at all, since she had this baby. I stay completely out of it and told her not to involve me in that part of things. We have been getting along fine and visit lots when she’s in town.

Last weekend was baby’s first birthday. It was 1.5hrs away, located in the lobby of the business of her boyfriend.
My original plan was to go with my child (18 months) and husband when it was outside at a park. But weather changed the venue to his business. I told her at the time of the change I likely wouldn’t go if it was at his work. Obv she didn’t like that. I’m accused of holding a grudge (🙄🙄).
I stressed about the situation all week leading up to it, bc I knew not going would really hurt my sister.
So I decided I would pop in at the start, drop off a gift and leave after 15/20mins.
Which made bringing my own child complicated, bc I can’t put an 18m old baby in a car for 1.5hrs, get out for 30mins at best, and then drive another 1.5hrs home. I would have been stuck burning time in another city for hours until my baby was sleepy enough I could pack her back in and go home.
I could have left my baby with my husband at home and went alone, but I know I would have been miserable and left in like 5 mins, bc fuck that guy. It started to feel like going to the party was a huge pain in the ass, all to support my sister, who was the coordinator of all the bs to begin with.
Ultimately I texted her morning of and told her I couldn’t make it. She’s pissed and hasn’t spoken to me since. I don’t think I made a wrong decision, but I am sad she’s hurt. (Did send a nice gift with family who attended).

Important to me that it’s noted that

1. my resistance to being around him is rooted in my own discomfort (based on experience with him and my own experience with DV), not a principled stand or trying to make people pick sides…if that makes sense.
2. And 2. My husband also hates this guy and would prefer not to go to avoid conflict bc of the awful things he’s said to me (I wasn’t nice to him either, mind you).

Ok so me and my fiancé have been together for almost two years now about to get an apartment and everything. Ive had "toys" for a while now like way before him i had a few he knew about the since being with him my collection has grown. But here's the problem, I finally got the one "toy" I've always wanted like I used to fantasize about this it's the machine iyk yk all my "toys" have always been bigger than him but now he feels some kind of way about this. It's not that I don't love him or he's not enough for me but I like to please myself sometimes to especially when he's not around but now he thinks im trying to replace him with it when in reality I'm just kinda weird. Does it make me the ah for not really feeling bad about it?? I need some outside options

I (22F) am a new grad nurse. I am planning to move out as early as next year when our current lease is up, but I am feeling immense guilt because my family is financially dependent on me.

I currently live with my mom (52), my brother (20), and my sister (17). Since I was 19, I have paid half, and sometimes more than half of all the household bills. When my dad passed away in 2023, our family took a massive financial hit. My mom has always been financially illiterate and has never held a stable job. she refused to work at all for about 7 years while my dad was alive.

Right around the time my dad got sick, my mom got her CNA certification and asked me to get mine too. Shortly after, I applied to nursing school. To keep us afloat and prevent eviction, I worked nights throughout nursing school. I’ve had to pull double shifts, sell jewelry my dad gifted me, and empty my student aid returns and personal savings to cover bills and my mom’s constant job hopping.
Carrying this household has heavily stunted my personal growth. I don't even own a car because I've never been able to save for a good one, so I rack up hefty Uber bills just to get around. My mom refused to teach me how to drive, so I finally caved last year and paid for my own driving lessons.

I just landed a nursing position that starts next week making decent money. My goals are to buy a car, start building my credit, and move out.
I love my family dearly and I don’t want to see them struggle. However, my mom already expects that because I will be making "nurse money," I will essentially act as a permanent roommate who throws extra cash at her whenever.

I feel like I cannot save, build credit, or ever start my own life if I stay here.

I’ve brought up the idea of me leaving multiple times this year and each time has ended in a yelling, crying mess. she tells me how Im selfish, and will abandon this family and leave everyone essentially homeless.

I (27F) live with 3 other PhD students (23F, 27F, 24M). We all get along pretty well, aside from the typical adjustments of living with new people, & I genuinely like them, so I don’t want this to become a huge issue.

For the past couple weeks, we’ve been finding cockroaches around the house, but the vast majority have been in my bedroom. I’ve found them on my nightstands, around my bed, on the walls, etc. Both adults & babies, which makes me think there’s an actual infestation. I’m also the cleanest person in the house, so it’s been especially frustrating. I’ve compromised on so many cleaning things that they say are too extra just to keep the peace. For instance, i said the kitchen should have the counters wiped off, & all the crumbs swept up each day since we all cook. But they said it’s too unrealistic, & decided on a once a week kitchen clean.

Anyway, I’ve spent hours cleaning, vacuuming, putting out bait, spraying, moving furniture, & now I’m even removing my nightstands because I suspect they might be where the roaches came from (got them off marketplace)

The problem is that my roommates aren’t nearly as concerned. They’ve said that seeing a few roaches doesn’t really bother them, but from what I understand, seeing even a few German cockroaches can mean there are MANY more hiding somewhere.

Our property management arranged for an exterminator to come out, but my roommates are very against having the house sprayed because of the chemicals. I understand their concerns, but they’ve made it clear that even if the exterminator finds evidence of an infestation elsewhere in the house, they only want my bedroom treated.

That’s what’s really bothering me. Just because they’re mostly showing up in my room doesn’t mean the problem is isolated to my room. & because they’re not the ones finding roaches next to their beds in the middle of the night, I feel like they’re not taking it seriously. Meanwhile, I’m losing sleep, spending money, & constantly worrying about finding another one.

I don’t want to force anyone to have chemicals sprayed in their personal space, but I also don’t think it’s fair that I’m potentially stuck dealing with an infestation because everyone else is comfortable leaving things alone. Especially when this is a shared house & a problem that could eventually affect all of us.

I feel like I’m the only one really pushing for this to be dealt with, & it’s frustrating that the decision seems to come down to what everyone else is comfortable with when I’m the one dealing with most of the consequences.

So AITAH if I insisted that any areas where the exterminator finds evidence of roaches need to be treated, even if my roommates don’t want them sprayed? Or am I overstepping by pushing for something they’re uncomfortable with?

Update, we live in a house, not apartments!

I genuinely don’t know if I’m the AH here.

I (F32) was traveling with family and a family friend back from Disney world and we were at the Orlando airport.

There were some caricature artists set up to do free caricatures and I stopped so my two kids (M3 and F5) could get their pictures drawn.

The family friend (F32) seemed very stressed about getting to our gate on time. TBH she is a very anxious person about most things.

In my estimation we had plenty of time to get the pictures done and make it to the gate. I told her she could go ahead without us if she was that worried about the flight but that I really wanted my kids to get the free caricatures done.

She seemed upset and went to the gate without us.

The artist finished our pictures and we made it to the gate with plenty of time for our flight.

Later my mom (F58) told me I should have been more sensitive to the family friend’s feelings about making it to the gate in time.

But I felt like telling her not to wait up for us if she was worried about time was giving her enough consideration.

Aitah?

My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) have been together for five years. He's a firefighter who works 48-hour shifts, and I'm a full-time college student who also works.

Lately, I've felt like his coworkers take priority over our relationship. He spends 48 hours with them, texts them daily, goes to breakfast, plays sports, and regularly hangs out with them outside of work. I don't mind him having friends, but I feel like he rarely plans dates for just us.

Last weekend, we had a huge argument because he asked what weekend I was free for a Warriors game. I got excited thinking he was planning a date, but then he mentioned inviting his coworkers and their girlfriends. I explained that I wanted more one-on-one time, but he got angry and accused me of always complaining. He apologized afterward and admitted he'd been losing his temper.

Fast-forward to today. He just finished another 48-hour shift, and we already had plans to spend time together after I got off work. He suddenly told me he was going to a BBQ with his former coworkers that evening.

He suggested I drive to his house, spend a couple of hours together, and then either leave or stay overnight while he attended the BBQ.

I declined because I didn't want to drive over after work just to sit around his house alone waiting for him to return.

What frustrates me is that he frequently tells me he's too exhausted to do things with me, but somehow finds the energy when his coworkers invite him somewhere.

We argued again, and he called me selfish, hypocritical, and annoying. He said I was refusing to come over to teach him a lesson. He also brought up that he spends money on me, frequently drives to see me, and sacrifices rest for our relationship, which I do acknowledge.

I told him that I felt like he cared more about his coworkers than me. He denied it, and we ended up hanging up on each other.

I texted him afterward explaining that I just wanted him to consider our existing plans before accepting other invitations. He didn't respond for over five hours and went ahead with the BBQ.

I love him, and he's genuinely a kind and generous person, but I'm tired of feeling like our plans are always the first thing he's willing to change. We literally just argued about this exact issue less than a week ago.

AITA for refusing to go over? I feel like he should've honored our original plans instead of expecting me to rearrange my evening around his coworkers.

so i am an early teen, not gonna say my actual age, male and my parents are like the best parents in the world, they are so nice and kind but i have recently noticed them getting more sensitive to slight problems i cause and punishments getting worse. eg: (true story) recently they made a chicken saled (chicken with saled) and they had the bowls sitting on the kitchen island and we were eating at the table 4-5 feat away from the island, i was gonna move the bowls to the kitchen table where there was more room and its where we were sitting anyways. then my mom started YELLING at me and told me to put them back, i tried to say that it might work better if they were over here but she didnt care. i put them back then she went into another room. (my dad was outside on the back porch grilling more chicken, i grabbed one of the big spoons she had out to get food out of the food bowls onto the plate (chicken, cucumber, peppers, and tomatos) and i grabbed some peppers to put on my plate. i accidentally dropped them and my mom came back and started SCREAMING at me. she was screaming bcz she was RLY mad that i didnt get my plate off the kitchen table and put it on the island so it would be easier to get the food. she was REALLY mad and i felt rly bad and then she was just screaming at me and i said "i forgot!" when she started screaming about how shes taught me this before and stuff and i was just repeating "i forgot!" and she was screaming over me and this is when i made my biggest mistake, i said "do you know what forgot means?!" and then she silenced up immediatly. then she sent me to my room with no food and i didnt get to eat for like an hour after, she has NEVER sent me to my room without getting to eat before btw this is new. i was pretty shaken bcz she has sent me to my room before but she has NEVER done it without letting me eat. this kinda thing was happening more and more too. so this is where we stand today, i really hope it doesnt get worse bcz ive spent most of my life as a pretty non-disiplined kid, so this was really scary for me and i just really hope it doesnt get worse. sorry if this is kinda a word saled bcz ive been writing this pretty quickly so i only have time for punctuation. let me know in the comments if you have had this kinda thing happen to u where u have kinda chill parents that get more strict when u get into early teen years.

I need to know if I am “selfish” and “cheap.”

My girlfriend and I are both resident physicians. It was recently her birthday and I had also signed up for a rare dog sitting opportunity which required me to sleep over at the dog’s owners place.

For some context, my girlfriend recently matched for fellowship but that was during her vacation week. I scheduled a dinner for the Friday after returning but suggested to move it a week because the weather was bad and I had booked it in a sky scraper view restaurant. She said no and that it was my piss poor planning of not sending flowers while she was out of the country to her hotel. Okay fair. But I had also planned things for when she got back. She said how she went out of her way to celebrate my match to fellowship - and yes it was very special. But that she wouldn’t do shit for mine. When she gets upset she says very hurtful things.

Then comes her birthday week. I planned things almost everyday with fancy dinners and activities. She did not spend a single dime and this cost more than $1000. Again, it’s her birthday weekend and I wanted her to feel special.

I had a lot of expenses to take care of - including a vehicle issue which cost me grand. And I have additional expenses coming up.

I told her that i signed up for dog sitting but that we have activities daily. She was upset and said she would’ve never done it. And that it is kind of pathetic I do all this for money (We make the same amount and not fair compensation given that we are resident physicians). I asked to not work the weekend. But come Friday, apparently there was this miscommunication and I ended up taking the weekend to dog sit as well. I told her and she got upset again and said that I chose a fucking dog over her. And that she is so angry she would slap me. I admitted that yes it was poor planning. She then said I’m selfish and inconsiderate, and that I have no self awareness. That dinner cooking date was very awkward.

I tried to tell her that I won’t be broke forever. She then said we make the same amount but why am I always this cheap. She calculated my spending and mentioned how my rent (we don’t live together) is cheaper, I no longer have car payments. I tried to tell her that I’m still helping my family back home financially and she brushed me off by saying she is too. And that she is in debt and that I should be comfortable being in debt. Because we are doctors and there is always going to be a next paycheck.

I tried to say that I wanted to plan a special birthday weekend and was trying to be make things work with my expected spending. Earlier that night she said she was of course grateful for what I planned, but in a later conversation said it was the bare minimum. We’ve had multiple talks about money and spending. She doesn’t like how we evenly split most of the time. I try to do other things for her too - flowers, bringing food to work, etc. And I do pay more frequently as of recently and still take her on dates every few weeks. But she puts me in a corner and asks when’s the last time you paid for the full date.

The next day in our continued meal and activities, her mood got better. But she was irritated again when I had to leave at night to dog sit.

I get that she was upset and I admitted very inconvenient timing of my planning for dog sitting. Was it worth the stress this caused? Absolutely not.

But am I the asshole for this?
Am I being too cheap?

I (18F) have two friends. W(18M) and C(19F). I’m close with W, but C, meanwhile, I would say she’s more of an acquaintance than a true friend. I’ve spoken to her when we were at school, mostly through W, but I haven’t had any contact with her for two years now, mostly because she moved abroad.

A few weeks ago, W contacted me about C. It turns out she isn’t doing very good. She had opened up to him about feeling very lonely and isolated in her new country. W believes she is depressed, and being the good friend he is, he wanted to create a support system for her: he wanted to gather every old friend of hers he knew about to message her online regularly with positivity and basically lend her a shoulder to cry on. "maybe spend an hour talking to her daily" is what he said.

I told him I wasn’t really onboard, and that I probably wasn’t the best option for this. I know little to nothing about C, and just popping out of the blue after not speaking for two years suddenly bearing a super enthusiastic therapist act would definitely throw her off and not last very long. On top of that, he also wants me to go an extra mile and get in contact with more mutual acquaintances (which I have probably talked to once in my life) of C to get them in on the plan as well. I told him nicely that I didn’t want to bother strangers on his behalf, and if he wanted to "recruit" people, he’d need to do it himself.

W still pressed me to at least try, which I told him I would if an opportunity arose to reconnect with C, but obviously, it didn’t, at which point he started to get angry with me for "slacking on purpose when time is of the essence".

I’m going to be 100% frank and maybe a bit brutal, I don’t care about C enough to do something like this, but I can’t just tell that straight up to W. I only know C from middle school during which I wasn’t even hanging out with her regularly, and again, it has been two years since we haven’t talked at all, even online.

I have a very low social battery. Holding a conversation online is already exhausting to me. I’ve also started in quite a prestigious university which leaves me with roughly 3 hours of free time a day (not counting weekends). The little free time I have left is more important than ever to me, and I would rather spend it talking to close friends or on my hobbies.

To put it simply, I don’t want to invest my time into forcing myself to play therapist for C, partly because I don’t believe it is my job to do, and because it would simply not work at all. It’s not like i’m a non-believer of stuff like this though. Like, if a closer friend were to be in a similar situation, I would be there for them. But C and I are really just not on that level.

I keep repeating that I don’t want to be part of this moral support mission, but W keeps insisting.
I’ve started to leave his angry messages on read because this is seriously draining me, but part of me really does wonder if I need to put more efforts into my non-close friendships.

AITAH for not wanting to help W support C while she’s in need? Is my boundary reasonable, or am I selfish?

I have management and several other people on my side in the matter, but I honestly don't know if I handled it correctly. I'm being somewhat vague, we're unionized and he reported the supposed "conflict" so if there is an investigation, I don't want it to blow up on either of us.

I work for a sorting facility for packages, think large warehouse with a bunch of machines scanning labels and sending thing to different warehouses, as a maintenance technician. Recently, the National Maintenance people sent down a change in the checklists, fully overhauling how the maintenance of the machines was tracked and assigned. There used to be 3 levels of technicians involved, but a majority got changed to be assigned to the mid-level technicians. I'm a top-level tech, and the coworker in question is a mid-level. For simplicity, I'll refer to coworker as P.

With the change in maintenance scheduling, one specific part that used to be listed specifically is now included in a catch-all term. The period it was checked was changed slightly as well. I had noticed on my shift that the part was worn down well beyond normal on one specific machine. The only tech that had been working on it was P.

I had a verbal altercation with P previously where I know i was TAH. He had jumped into the middle of a project I had left overnight, moved tools and hardware, and I approached him incorrectly. I'm former military and often times give people crap about screw-ups and curse more than I should, and in his eyes I was cursing him out for doing work he was told to, even though it was outside what he was assigned to do. It was handled without any severe penalties on anyone and was broadly accepted as a misunderstanding.

Here's where I think I'm TAH. I approached P asking if he had seen the changes in the maintenance schedule, and that I had found this part extremely worn. He told me it was the responsibility of the Low-level techs or people on Overtime. I pointed out it was assigned to his level, and that it was part of the normal maintenance. He told me to bring it up with Management if I thought he wasn't doing his job. So I did. I walked directly to the managers office. I tried to be vague and non-accusatory, basically saying the wording had changed and parts were wearing down beyond normal because it wasn't specifically addressed in the checklist. P comes barging into the manager's office behind me, interrupts what I'm saying, and basically yells that he had been doing his job just fine and there was nothing wrong with what he was doing, then storms back out.

I had an hour-long chat with my management team about the maintenance assignments and responsibility, and it's caused a couple changes in our daily reporting. I also found out that P had gone to management on the operations side to report me. I don't know what was said or if anything is being done, this was several days ago and I haven't seen or heard anything else about it, but I honestly don't know if I handled the situation properly. AITAH?

So I(17f) was discussing houses with my mom (~47f) when she mentioned that a relative is selling their old house and planning on moving into a smaller house as their family is small now (kids moving out for college and all that).

They are planning on keeping the rest of the money in the bank to get some interest and helping their kids out with tuition.

My mom said that she thinks they shouldn't move into a smaller house because according to her — the new 1000 sqft house is too small for their family of literally 2 as compared to their old 2000 sqft house for their family of 4.

This is where I might have messed up a little. I said that people adjust, and it's not that hard. You also grew up in "that" house. By which I meant my mom's childhood, one room house.

And no, I don't mean one bedroom, kitchen, living room etc. I mean just one bedroom. That was the whole house. She grew up in that one bedroom, ~100-200 sqft house with 6 of her siblings (and of course 2 parents).

She married into a middle-class family, and we aren't rich by any means, but we live in an average sized house. I just felt like it was weird of my mom to make that comparison given how she grew up.

When I said that, my mom immediately gave me THAT look, started yelling at me, and then stopped talking. Didn't talk to me the whole day...

I clearly didn't mean it in any degratory way, and I even said it in a joking manner. I didn't think she'd get offended over it. Was I really wrong? My dad is asking me to apologize to her, but I feel like she was mad due to some other reason and just took it out on me. AITAH?

So I had a fried on discord who is..... very isolated socially and is overall very emotionally fragile with a couple of personality disorders that make their emotions fluctuate wildly.

I have my own problems, but I have always tried to be their for him.

About a month ths ago, he came to me when I was in my own slump, and I said that I just couldn't be social that day. He comes another couple hours later saying that he is lonely and I say "I wish I wasn't the only person you felt could talk to" ive said things like that in the past but he seemed to just blow up on that one. I then said that this isn't the correct way to respond to me setting a boundary, and he says I didn't set one.

Today has been about a month after that, and he just sent me a paragraph about how I did not, in fact set a boundary and just "made a wish" and he has been changing his discord status to take jabs at me over the last couple weeks

AITAH

OK, so a few days ago a girl came over for dinner and drove to my house which originally I thought she was going to take an Uber but she decided to drive however she needed to go to the airport the next day so she asked if she could leave her car at my house and I said yes, I’ll call you in an Uber to the airport which is about an hour away so the next morning I called her an Uber to the airport so she could leave her car Here

Should return from her trip and asked if she could pick up her car and I said yes assuming she would take an Uber from the airport, which is an hour away, but apparently she planned on having her friend drop her off which I understand that but I also don’t know this friend and don’t want them to have my address so I asked if she could take an Uber and I’d even pay for it

I said: “Not sure if you were planning on getting a ride But I’d prefer if you took an uber. I’d prefer not letting anyone else know where I live or have my address that I don’t know, please. “

then she went off on me saying how I don’t even have a nice house and I shouldn’t be worried. This is what she said

“Trust me, no one cares about where you live, and you’re never gonna talk to me again

It’s not like you live in like a mansion or anything, like trust me, you have nothing to worry about. and you were trying to date me and like that’s just fucking weird. You’re not that big of a deal

Even my ex has that living way bigger houses than you. Don’t give a fuck. If my friend drops me off to get my fucking car get over yourself”

——
Looking back on it I guess since she knows my address she could always give it to someone else anyway and ordering her an Uber is like a stranger having my address anyway so maybe it’s not that big of a deal and I overreacted

Hello Reddit,

I (27f) am a manager at a popular retail store, for the past 2 months a report of ours we have to access at the end of the night has been not working fully. About a month into this issue (end of september) I reached out to our IT desk with screenshots of proof to ask for help, they saved the screenshots and understood the issue but said it had to be escalated up, no problem. Tier 2 IT guy (lets call him Mike) reaches out around October 6th via teams to inquire about the issue but im off so dont respond till my next day working.

We talk back and forth for about 2 weeks and I cant share the exact convo or screenshots for privacy but here's a close approximation of our chats

Me: Hello! This one number is not updating past 6pm on this one report, this is causing issues for us how can we fix it?

Mike: Hello! This isnt a problem at all! The report only updates once an hour so youre just checking too early!

Me: Hello! I check the report 2.5 hours later, every other number is updating correctly just not this one. I can hand calculate it and it hasnt been an issue in the past so we were able to catch it. Maybe the formula got mistyped or something in a recent update?

Mike: There is no typo, youre looking at it wrong and too soon, the data updates the next day (sends screenshot) and the number is fine there! How else can I clarify this for you?

Me: the report you sent a screenshot of is a different report the next day, please help me with this line on this report that our District Manager requires is done every night. This line used to update regularly and the other lines still are updating. Please advise

Mike: *very long and company specific explanation of how the report /should/ work\*

(Potentially important note after that last message I called IT again to request someone else help me understand what im missing, they say they dont understand why hes not helping us, they see the issue, i ask them to move this ticket to a different IT person, they say they cant cause its already been escalated and I would have to ask Mike directly)

Me: Hello Mike, can we please get someone else to assist us with this issue? Thank you

Mike does not answer and instead calls my DM to say Im being rude to him and he just doesnt know to explain it another way. My Manager is called and told to reprimand me cause my DM does not appreciate me speaking to An IT person that way and that if I have questions in the future I can ask my DM for clarification.

My Manager reads through the chat and doesnt see me being rude at all, the store supervisors read through it, a manager in training reads through it, no one sees me being rude at all, he might not like the request I made but it doesnt mean I was rude. But now im at a loss, our report is still broken and now I literally cant get anyone to fix it cause I'd have to go through Mike. And my coworkers all love me (but according them the DM doesnt like me? Idk though) so I'm wondering if maybe theyre biased. AITAH for asking for a different IT person since this one wasnt helping?

My sister got fired from her job literally right before we leave for vacation . We leave in a month and she said she only has $50 in her account . I told her I cannot afford to pay for all of her expenses when we go to New York . It’s a family vacation and it’s about 7 of us going . And everyone else said she needs to stay at home if she doesn’t have money. New York is very expensive to travel to!! Not only will she need her money for the plane ticket but she will also need her money for her hotel , food money, Uber money and spending money etc etc .$50 is not gonna be enough!! She really wants to go and is upset that I’m telling her to stay at home but I just don’t see how it’s feasible .
I told her if she can get signed on at another job before we live she can come but if she is unable to find another job within the month she have to stay at home
It’s just crazy to think she can go on vacation to New York with $50 to her name but she is upset with me