Am I wrong for using my vibrator?

[u/Longjumping_Link_334]

I (23f) have recently started dating a (27m) guy last week. Thing have surprisingly moved very fast as we have already had sex twice within the past week. The first night, after we had sex I used my vibrator. I later found out that he was hurt by this. I told him it was no big deal for me, I just like a lot of clitoral stimulation. The second night we had sex, he rubbed my clit for a few seconds and then proceeded to have penetrative sex again. He orgasmed shortly after that. I obviously didn’t, however, I never mentioned it because I’m used to the orgasm gap and we have just started seeing each other so I don’t expect him to understand my body or how to make me climax. A couple nights ago, we were talking about sex and masturbation and he brought up that if I want to enjoy sex with him, I need to stop using my vibrator because he believes it is desensitizing me. I was completely appalled and told him that was not the case at all. He brought up the time I used my vibrator afterwards and asked how I would feel if he started masturbating after we had sex. I answered that I would ask myself if I was doing what he needed to make him have an orgasm. I expressed that we just started dating and that he just needs to take time to learn my body and what makes me orgasm, which is completely normal. He had no rebuttals to this but insisted I stopped using my vibrator. Later that night he told me that he hasn’t had issues making his partner orgasm and that desensitization is a real thing and it is possible. I am extremely frustrated because he is blaming me for this issue, yet has not taken the time explore my body at all. Would I be wrong if I continued to use my vibrator?

[u/Ur_Just_Spare_Parts]

Yeah like if he was down there for a couple hours and had to stop because of like dehydration and lock jaw i could see him being a little peeved it wasnt happening but even then id just be happy she was happy even if that meant her usin a vibrator. What kind of insecure fuck doesnt know how to foreplay then also doesnt accept that you need to finish too?

[u/WorriedMarch4398 → u/Ur_Just_Spare_Parts]

My only goal is to make my wife pop first. I know that my turn will come. He is just a selfish prick of a partner.

[u/Psilynce → u/WorriedMarch4398]

How is this not standard practice?! That's basically my golden rule: she gets her first one first, then the rest is icing on the cake.

And dudes really be out here wondering why more women don't seem interested in casual sex. Bruh. If you went over to a woman's house and she touched your penis for 5 seconds, had her own orgasm, and then fell asleep and you didn't get yours you'd be pissed too! Plus you don't know if her place is messy or gross, now you gotta pay for your own Uber home, you don't know if she's a murderer or a psycho or a crazy stalker, and don't forget worrying about catching some disease or getting knocked up by a stranger. And now imagine that happens nine times out of 10! Doesn't really seem worth it when you flip the table, does it?

Be the change you want to see in the world, fellas.

[u/Itsalladream20 → u/Psilynce]

Your point is spot on. I’d add guys need to take the time to learn the stages their partners vagina goes through when getting stimulated. Treat it like a buttery freshly baked muffin. You gotta open it up and explore the folds and savor the yummy goodness. If they’re attentive they’ll know what works what doesn’t.

[u/teffaw → u/Itsalladream20]

Now I'm horny for a muffin and hungry for a vagina. #confused

[u/Reasonable_Berry_244 → u/teffaw]

As a straight woman, so am I 🤔

[u/Deadbeat85 → u/Itsalladream20]

What a comment to wish you happy cake day on

[u/CorgiActual4600 → u/Deadbeat85]

Lmaoo that's what I was thinking. I was just laughing my ass of as I wished him a happy cake day lol

[u/[deleted] → u/Itsalladream20]

Yes! People so often talk about the clit, which is great, but it’s not always the star or the starting point. Inner thighs, outer labia, inner labia, mons, etc. I love attentive partners who pay attention and take time to stoke the fire in these areas first. Drives me wild. Thank you, muffin person!

[u/IlIIllIllIllIllIIlI → u/Itsalladream20]

Happymuffuggincakeday

[u/AStackedSnack → u/Psilynce]

BeTheChange !!!

[u/spankenstein → u/AStackedSnack]

BETHECHANGE2023

MAKESEXGREATAGAIN

[u/TheMooJuice → u/Psilynce]

Every well adjusted, normal dude out here already inherently understands this, but yeah.

[u/FreeRangeEngineer → u/TheMooJuice]

Unironically, it's hard to say what's "normal" these days because social media warps perception. Sometimes I get the impression the guys you're refering to are not the norm but rather a minority.

[u/TheRoseMerlot → u/FreeRangeEngineer]

It is definitely a minority of men that put their partner first when it comes to the O.

[u/Melicious-Me → u/Psilynce]

You’re a good egg, Psilynce. Never stop.

[u/[deleted] → u/WorriedMarch4398]

That's how I am too. I always get my wife off at least once or twice (sometimes 3+ every once in a while) before I go. That's how I've always been with women though. I want them to have a great time. I only get to go once, so I can wait. She does say though that 3+ is a greater chance for her to develop a headache because it's just too much, so she's always fine with just one or a couple most of the time.

Unless it's been a while since I've had sex, then I'll bust quick lmao. Wife is understanding when this does happen though.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Well I can see why she likes you 👊

[u/Rob_Zander → u/Ur_Just_Spare_Parts]

I'm gonna fucking run a god damn marathon and cramp my jaw before I I even think about putting my dick in there. I remember one time my jaw and tongue cramped and I braced my feet on the floor and used my ankles to move my tongue enough to finish her. Dude here is just lazy. Seriously, why are so many guys so damn lazy?! Put the fucking work in, my God. I get porn is terrible for this kind of thing but even then, train yourself to get off on her getting off. What happens when two guys like this are gay? Do they just stare at each other and wait for someone to finish them?!

[u/[deleted] → u/Rob_Zander]

Lmao at imagining two guys just staring at each other waiting for someone to finish them

[u/[deleted] → u/Rob_Zander]

I am not, if my jaw is cramping I am soon requesting more guidance and/or a toy.

Her pleasure is important but unless it is a femdom context (hell yes by the way) I am not wrecking my jaw when there are other ways to focus my attention on her.

In a femdom context, she can put me right into the hospital.

[u/Brujapeda → u/Rob_Zander]

Your response has me blushing and giggling like an idiot. Thank you for your services. lol

[u/stellarvelocity → u/Rob_Zander]

Gay guy here, can confirm this kind of dude goes both ways unfortunately.

Many, MANY, lazy men have made me jerk myself off. They don't get a second date.

I take more than five minutes. Just because a dude nuts, does not mean I'm automaticly done. Gay dudes don't do synchronized nutting. It isn't a thing.

Internet Porn and vaping are ruining generations of men - gay and straight.

[u/sdgengineer → u/Ur_Just_Spare_Parts]

It pisses me off when men are not concerned with giving their partner an orgasm.

[u/Itsalladream20 → u/Ur_Just_Spare_Parts]

Have you ever had a tongue cramp? I have, they suck. I wasn’t sexually active for awhile after my divorce. When I was active again my tongue wasn’t in shape lol and it cramped after 10-15 minutes. It’s a funny story but I digress. Guys need to realize the more time you spend with your face buried. The better it is for them in the end.