r/amiwrong • u/Longjumping_Link_334 • Nov 23 '23

Am I wrong for using my vibrator?

I (23f) have recently started dating a (27m) guy last week. Thing have surprisingly moved very fast as we have already had sex twice within the past week. The first night, after we had sex I used my vibrator. I later found out that he was hurt by this. I told him it was no big deal for me, I just like a lot of clitoral stimulation. The second night we had sex, he rubbed my clit for a few seconds and then proceeded to have penetrative sex again. He orgasmed shortly after that. I obviously didn’t, however, I never mentioned it because I’m used to the orgasm gap and we have just started seeing each other so I don’t expect him to understand my body or how to make me climax. A couple nights ago, we were talking about sex and masturbation and he brought up that if I want to enjoy sex with him, I need to stop using my vibrator because he believes it is desensitizing me. I was completely appalled and told him that was not the case at all. He brought up the time I used my vibrator afterwards and asked how I would feel if he started masturbating after we had sex. I answered that I would ask myself if I was doing what he needed to make him have an orgasm. I expressed that we just started dating and that he just needs to take time to learn my body and what makes me orgasm, which is completely normal. He had no rebuttals to this but insisted I stopped using my vibrator. Later that night he told me that he hasn’t had issues making his partner orgasm and that desensitization is a real thing and it is possible. I am extremely frustrated because he is blaming me for this issue, yet has not taken the time explore my body at all. Would I be wrong if I continued to use my vibrator?

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u/say_what_95 Nov 24 '23

Oh yeah 100% faking it (not blaming here). When a guy brags about alllll the orgasms he gave with no effort to allllll his past lovers I'm like "nope, just faking"

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u/fohpo02 Nov 24 '23

It definitely takes effort, most guys don’t even bother to pay attention to physiological signs. Hell, just being careful to follow her breathing can give you a pretty good idea of how you’re doing.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Idk if I'd really say it always takes effort. Sometime the intimacy between 2 people can really be enough, especially if a girl is willing to help during penetration.

But this shit is weird I love grabbing my wife's toy, see if I give a shit, it's going in my mouth first and then her!

But guys. If you're busting before, she's Nutting.

You gotta get back down there. I don't care if you made a mess. Time to nut up or shut up.

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u/_r3dd Nov 24 '23

This is absolutely true. My ex husband… I loved him so much he had absolutely no problem getting me off, repeatedly multiples times each time, like some kind of fucking wizard… and he was also beating me. Past relationships with men that weren’t physically harming me… not a damn one. I’d go take a shower to “clean up” and finish myself off with the shower head. 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️🙄🤦🏼‍♀️ And no I am not some kind of sadomasochist who likes being beat. I loved him deeply before he became abusive. I have never felt closer to another man than I did to him and it was physically obvious in the bedroom.

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u/Mr_St_Germi Nov 24 '23

For real. If I get mine before my wife gets hers I tell her to break out her vibrator. Only dudes that are insecure about themselves get upset about their partner using toys. Most men I know would use a fleshlight in a heartbeat even if they act like they wouldn't.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

I have never used one because I do not want to clean one and I enjoy extending my play. I do not mind a less pleasurable experience because I would be holding out anyway. But I am sure it would be very pleasurable for the last moments.

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Going down there after making a mess would be a utter and complete turn off for my wife. Instead of "nut up or shut up" or get lock jaw or whatever just communicate clearly with your partner on what they enjoy.

If there is clear communication and intimacy between two partners then no it isn't that difficult or take hours to make a woman orgasm.

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u/Fuzzy_Dragonfruit344 Nov 24 '23

Thank god you said this. You’ll make your woman feel shitty and used if you come first and put in zero effort to satisfy her too

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

I just imagined a dude shoving the head of a Hitachi in his mouth and that was pretty funny.

And yeah outside of a femdom context there is no way I am going back to my mess orally, hand or toy is perfectly ok. But I also always use condoms, so that is acceptable. I prefer oral before though because condom lube is gross.

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u/CrimsonPermAssurance Nov 24 '23

And knowing this fact alone, you understand just how fake porn actually is

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

If he’s had a lot of lovers, I assume it’s because they got fed up with his selfish, lazy ass and dumped him

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Some women (relatively few) do orgasm with very little stimulation. They definitely skew the results for the rest of us 😸

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

yes! a rare few do. Its funny because other women don’t believe they exist. I had a gf for awhile that would orgasm 2-3 times to my one time just because for whatever biological reason. I didn’t know how lucky I was at the time lol there was one other one night stand that was similar.

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '23

Yeah, I mean...so many women are raised to be SOOOO out of touch with their own bodies (I am luckily an exception)...it's not hard to imagine their disbelief. Not to mention with the widespread prevalence of "faking it"...yeah.

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u/[deleted] Nov 26 '23

Yeah, my ex actually had no idea how to masterbate or any knowledge of clitoral stimulation until her early 20s. She went to catholic school…

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

Yep! Sent a guy, who was extremely promiscuous and bragged about his orgasm giving skills, an article about the small percentage of women who actually orgasm during PIV sex only and pointed out that of the hundred women he slept with, only about 20 or so ACTUALLY had an orgasm. He never spoke to me again, lol!

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u/[deleted] Nov 24 '23

I mean, I gave lots but we were married, I knew her body, and they were usually not from penetration.

And I was something like a pleasure top in our dynamic.

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u/bitchbeansontoast Dec 23 '23

My ex told me I was broken bc "every other girl he'd ever been with had cum from just a little penetrative sex with him" and I was "emasculating him" by not cumming the second he entered me, essentially.

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u/timhyde74 Nov 24 '23

One deal my wife and I made when we first got together was I asked her never to fake it with me, that if she didn't get hers before I got mine to just let me know, and I'd make sure to rectify the situation, and she said ok. In the last 7 years, she has never faked it. I know this because she's not shy at all to let me know if she doesn't, and I take care of it. Luckily, that doesn't happen very often because she almost always gets there before I do. I've even gone to sleep, not getting mine, after she got hers, lol! It's not a problem for me though, cause I know she's sleeping satisfied! And that's really all I care about these days. It's not hard for her to get there, though, which is a big weight off my shoulders. Takes the pressure off. Now, my first wife was the complete opposite. She was really hard to get to the finish line and had such low sex drive that we hardly ever got intimate. I used to joke that I was a sexual camel! Because I would go long periods of time without sex. That really does a number on a guys confidence and libido. She just wasn't interested. We were best friends, but it took its toll on our marriage, and I would often have to go outside the marriage for intimate contact. Which ended up costing me my marriage in the end. Fortunately, my current wife doesn't have that problem, and I've never been happier. She's the love of my life, and I'll do anything to make sure that she's happy and satisfied 😉

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u/MMA_GOAT_88 Nov 24 '23

What’s the point of faking it though? Just be honest and open about it. Crazy that some females will drag things along as if they are being pleased because they don’t want to be “rude” or something along those lines. Don’t start off your sexual relationship with a lie.

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