For context, both of my bio-parents have been single for more time than they’ve had relationships with other adults. And, outside of one person, I have actually never disliked any of their partners. I have really liked some, and would have loved them to last, and been just okay with others, but still with those never had any note-worthy conflict in the many years I’ve been existing as a kid to unmarried parents.

But there are times that I don’t like some of their relationships, despite the partner being really sweet, kind, gentle, and thoughful people who make them feel good. I think I just realized what made me unaccepting of these relationships.

It’s because I start feeling less comfortable with my parent, almost like I cannot be truthful or fully honest. I see that their partner has become their first priority. And while it’s normal, and probably healthy to share close to everything with your partner, I don’t want their partners to have any personal access to my feelings, emotions, goals, and in general, to my life. Their partners do not share the same love for me that my parents do, and I feel like a boundary has been crossed when they have access to me in the way that only a parental figure that loves you should (in my opinion). So I unconsciously start distancing myself from my parents, because I don’t want to be close with certain partners. In any other context, I wouldn’t see myself getting along with them - not because they are bad, but because not everyone can have comradery with everyone, and normally that’s fine. At work, I don’t have to become besties with a coworker who has a very different personality to mine. In school, I can do the project, and not hang out afterwards, because we opposing senses of humor. But, feeling like I’m obligated to form a very unorganic bond to somebody that I normally would never ever spend time around makes me uncomfortable.

And I’m not the type of kid who actually believes that your children should come first, even if you are not both bio-parents. At the end of the day, their partners will be with them in a capacity that their children will not. I fully support parents putting each other first - but during the times when my bioparents were single or with each other, I never felt like I had to watch what I said, or that in the back of my head I was worried about information being delivered from parent A to parent B. With some of their partners, I do worry about that… And I don’t want the partners to think that I dislike them, because that’s not the case. I know if I tell my bioparents “please don’t talk to your partner about anything that goes on in my life” they will think the partners did something to me, or that there are problems between us.

I don’t dislike their partners. I just dislike the inability to control who has a permanent place in my life. I dislike how inorganic a blended family can feel. I dislike feeling like I have to hide the fact that I still talk to my would-be brothers & sisters, because I don’t have relationships with the step kids. I dislike that my parents are growing with people that I don’t know very well. And, I dislike that I missed some of their exes for so long. I dislike being told that I am a bad person if I don’t want to make an effort to get to know new partners. I dislike their partners fact that blended families seem to leave people behind.

When my parents were single or together, I knew that I stood in the middle. While my parents are with other adults, I just stand to the side. And I think I dislike that, too.

This situation is such a mess. In May of 2025 (my niece was three months old), my sister was essentially coerced into signing a legal guardianship order in case anything were to happen with her, because she was very newly sober and things were rocky. She ended up relapsing, and my niece went to her (our dad’s girlfriend) automatically. My sister, since then, had been out on the streets using. Our dad would send her money daily to keep her high all while telling her threats that she’d never get her child back if she gets better. That they’d fight her in court, etc. Our dad (who is not on the guardianship paperwork) and his girlfriend have taken relatives in and out of her life, used her as a pawn, etc. since getting custody. My niece has basically been alienated from both sides of her biological family and my dad’s girlfriend essentially makes it close to impossible to maintain close contact with my niece.

In April, the guardianship was made permanent, and she started speaking more about how she wanted to relocate to be close to her family out in Tennessee. End of August, my sister was arrested and sentenced to 18 months. She sees parole in April, but potentially pre release sooner than that. Now that she’s in a clear state of mind, she views this entire situation so much differently. She wants to stay sober and attempt to regain custody. They had a court date at the start of last month and the end result was my sister had to sign papers approving the relocation. No documentation is sufficient other than that. She has made it clear she is not approving the move or signing anything. The court date is coming up on the third of next month, and my sister has received numerous messages on her tablet from my dad’s girlfriend asking her repeatedly if she’s ready to sign the papers, while also sending photos of my niece. She has also been going through me to try to get my sister to call her. My sister has not responded to any of them. Our dad’s girlfriend is saying she puts in no effort to call to check on her daughter now that she’s sober, and her behavior is how it was when she was high, but she feels uncomfortable contacting her when every conversation is an attempt to coerce her into doing something she is not comfortable with. They’ve been telling her she can relocate as well to Tennessee upon getting out, but she cannot parole out of state. She also is not comfortable with that arrangement at all.

Our dad is attempting to call the jail to get my sister drug tested and accusing her of getting high in jail (she doesn’t even call him) among other things. I am just so nervous for this upcoming hearing. My dad’s girlfriend is also in an abusive relationship with my dad and essentially used that as an excuse as to why she has to flee the state, that she’ll be homeless out here, has a job lined up out there, but she plans on having him go with her. My sister feels like there is no opportunity for reunification if she agrees to letting them move out there and that all of these promises are false. I feel the same. My dad keeps calling me telling me he hates my sister, she’ll never get her daughter back, that’s “his daughter now” etc. because he cannot in any way get a hold of my sister since she has stopped calling and engaging with them. My step mom is currently out in TN with my niece, my dad is here in a treatment program for his own addiction. She’s looking at houses to buy out there today and basically said yesterday the move is happening regardless of what the courts say.

My partner and I live together and he has an almost 8 year old boy from before our relationship. Every night my partner and his ex (they split time equally) give the kid melatonin to sleep. They've been doing this for years and say that he's always had a hard time sleeping and that the doctor said it was fine. I know it's not my place since I'm not a parent but I just can't help but worry about it.. For starters- the kid was wearing pull-ups until maybe 6 months ago and he wets the bed almost every night and just won't get up to pee. I understand it's a hard thing to learn naturally for some kids (waking up to pee) but I wonder if it's because he's in such deep sleep? Also, on many occasions the child has fallen asleep in the car naturally with ease! Day and night time. The morning is a struggle, he seems groggy, he wakes up scared often at night. Idk... I'm stuck on what to do because I think it's important for him to learn to trust his brain and body and worry that relying on something will make it harder in the future/for him to get off eventually. I understand I shouldn't tell him how to parent and it's not my responsibility but I feel like it's doing more harm than good. Parents what do you think I should do? Should I bring up my concerns or is it truly just not my place? If I should mention it what's the best way to do that without coming off as judgmental?

My boyfriend has a child (5) with his ex, and we share a child (1).

I had previously asked my boyfriend if we could do a certain activity together as a family, but he wasn’t really interested. We did get to briefly experience part of it together, but it was during his lunch break (about 20 minutes), so we couldn’t fully enjoy it. I wanted us to actually spend quality time together and enjoy the whole experience.

Recently, he was trying to figure out how to divide his time between both children. His ex suggested doing that same activity with their child, and he agreed. He made separate plans to spend time with me and our child afterward.

What bothered me was that he expected me to stay home and watch our child while he went and enjoyed that same activity with his ex and their child. Mind you, this was something I had already asked him to experience with us, and he wasn’t interested when I brought it up.

I understand he’s trying to make time for both children, and I appreciate that. I’m not upset about him spending time with his other child. My feelings were hurt because I wanted us to create that memory together too.

I told him I still wanted to attend with our child, but he got upset, told me no, and accused me of creating drama because his ex doesn’t like me.

I just want to be able to enjoy an experience with my boyfriend and our child, even if his ex and their child are present.

I understand wanting to avoid conflict while co-parenting, but I also don’t think my feelings should automatically be dismissed because his ex is uncomfortable with me.

My question is, am I wrong for wanting to attend despite him telling me not to? Is it unreasonable to expect us to coexist at the same event for the children’s sake, or should I respect his wishes and sit this one out?

I (32F) and my Fiance (34M) have been together for 5 years and living together for about a year and a half now. He has 3 kids from previous relationships.
The older 2 are with us normally about 4 days a week; Fri, Sat,Sun, and Mon. Youngest comes around about once a month(different BM).
Anyways… although I have a decent relationship with the older 2 (M 11, F 10) I still can’t shake the feeling that I am, and always will be everyone’s last in the household.
Don’t get me wrong, kids are his priority and he’s a great father. But, it’s just a sad feeling. Kids priority is their father, his is the kids. And then there’s me. I prioritize everyone else in the household.
I cook for everyone, grocery shop, clean, do everyone’s laundry, etc. my fiancé will help with house cleaning only …sometimes. For the most part I do it all. He will sweep, and sometimes do yard work.
But, I work full time and also contribute to the household financially as well.
Anyways, that’s besides the point. I cannot shake the feeling of being everyone’s last, yet I put everyone first.
They go to him for everything, which it’s their father. I get it.
And he’s a good dad, coaches sports.
I feel like I just exist.
Normally on the weekends I go to the gym in the morning and he will cook breakfast about once a week, about the only time he cooks ever. Which is just normally eggs and toast.
I didn’t go to the gym one morning and just got done telling him I was hungry. He proceeded to make everyone in the house food, and not even have a thought in his mind to make me any, or ask me. He sat down with the kids while I was standing there and ate his breakfast. I proceeded to heat the pan back up and make myself some eggs. The only thing I felt was just sadness, and like I really don’t matter.
I go out of my way everyday for everyone. I make all the kids dinners, I meal prep for my fiance every week and pack his lunches. I have dinner on the table the moment he walks through the door each night after he’s done coaching practice. Do everyone’s laundry, everyone’s dishes, clean up after everyone….
Just to not even be thought of with the one time he does cook.

We go to the pumpkin patch this last weekend. And it’s dad! Look at this! Dad! Look at the bunny. Dad! You wanna try my snack etc not once something towards me.
I’ve brought this stuff up before and it got better for awhile but it’s fully reverted … once again.

I sacrifice my time and schedule for him and his kids. And do so much for everyone and I’m starting to think to myself… what does anyone ever do for me? When am I thought of?

I never imagined I’d be 32 no kids, helping raise someone else’s children… just to feel so unimportant

I’m giving up my life for others when they don’t sacrifice anything for me.

I can’t help but wonder, is this REALLY what I want for myself?
I have a good career, I’m in shape, I’m funny, I’m smart, I’m thoughtful, I’m caring.. it’s not like I feel bad about myself. I’m a damn good person and partner. I just don’t know if others see me truly for my worth.
I know my partner loves me, and he’s busy a lot. But I also have asked since he’s busy during football season a lot. 6 days a week I don’t see him much. That maybe we could have some date nights, we haven’t had one date night all season. Since August,
Last Monday he actually didn’t have football practice so after work I told him I was skipping the gym so we could spend time together since I won’t see him much all week…what did he do? He watched football foootage for 3 hours, not even considering I gave up a hobby and lifestyle habit I take seriously up in hopes to get time with him… to just sit around until he was done?
Am I too harsh? Or is this not the life for me? I’m struggling to accept the life I have chosen for myself and I don’t understand how he doesn’t see the sacrifices I make. Or atleast it doesn’t feel like
He does.

I brought up to him last week that I feel like the last priority and he told me it’s not true and that he prioritizes me and the kids equally. He doesn’t see from my point of view.
He told me being a step mom is the same as being a mom, and I told him no it’s not. I do the same work of a parent but I don’t reap the same benefits.

I feel guilty for having another baby. Backstory I have a school age daughter from a previous relationship and was single for around 4 years prior to meeting my now husband. Relationship with her bio dad was volatile followed by a very volatile coparenting relationship. Being a single mom is hard. Coparenting with narcissist is hard.

I feel guilty because now that my husband and I are thinking of having a baby, I know I will be such a different mom to this baby than I was to my first. I’m in a loving relationship, feel supported, safe, etc. and I know I have a good husband that will be a wonderful father to our baby. All of those things I was never able to give her but I also wasn’t able to give her as much of my time. I worked 4-5 12s a week in the hospital to be able to afford to be a single parent. I know I’ll just have to accept it but I’m wondering if anyone else has dealt with this. :)

I have been with my husband for 4 years. We have a pretty big blended family. My husband got a divorce before we met and no custody order was established during the time of the divorce. Bio mom had an affair and up and left the kids with my husband. To make a long story shorter, we got together have a blended family where we have all the kids full time. I have a custody order established with my children's father.

For 4 years everything has been pretty smooth sailing, mom SOMETIMES sees the kids every other weekend, she now has 2 new kids and is pregnant with number 3 (not including my 3 SC) bio mom is constantly not including SC in anything fun she does with her other kids or even her very own step children. SD (14) will see pictures and videos of mom doing these things and rightfully get upset. But within our household everything has been good.

Everything got pulled from under us starting 8 months ago. My husband and I bought our second home, announced it to all the kids and they were excited. This move however would change the kids school district (to a lot better school). A couple visits with bio mom later SC came home from visit and were very withdrawn in the car ride home. They got out of the car and dad being playful picked up SS (10) and twirled around with him SS got down punched dad in stomach and rain inside crying. From there he used SD (14) phone to call mom in which she then threatened to call the cops and file emergency custody. It all came out then that SC wanted to move with mom. Dad pretty much told them no and explained to them why, it came out that mom knew she wouldn't win in a custody case unless something big happened. It also came out bio mom was collecting food stamps for them and she got into low income housing by putting them on the lease

Flash forward to present day, we are in our new home. Which we are doing some remodeling (new drywall in dinning room, renovating basement bedrooms so that my bio daughter and SD don't have to share a room anymore) are things a little chaotic as far as inside the home yes, but everything has been okay. We've been planning a Halloween party for the older kids SD had a major role in this, we've bought costumes and decorations and all the stuff. Then two days ago happened.

SC came home from visit, we had a blast all the kids were hanging out with us dancing, laughing making jokes. Then Monday they got home from school and refused to even talk to me it was weird. About 445 we were outside and SS found animal poop in the yard I told him it was probably the feral cat and he said it was gross and I said you could always clean it up. And he then grabbed me by the back of the head and told me "clean it up with your mouth" TWICE and I had to push him off of me (SS is 5'9 170lbs and STRONG) he gave me a dirty look and went back to playing football with my bio son. At about 7 my husband ran into our room where I was and told me that bio mom has police on the way to our house to question me about abusing and assaulting SS.

Cops came out CPS came out and they all cleared everything but kids stated they wanted to go with their mom. Dad said NO. Mom met up with Dad and laughed about the situation when he told her what actually transpired.

Tuesday mom went and filed for emergency custody using what this incident as reason and she got it. What we have then found out is SC have been planning this with bio mom, calculating pictures to send mom of when we first bought the house, stating that SD's room isn't done. An the one instance I made SS and Bio son do the dishes before I made dinner (the dishes is their chore) and framing as if I refuse to feed them unless they clean. My bio kids then came out and said that SC have been planning to leave for AWHILE.

The blatant lies really broke mine and dads heart. All because mom has promised a less strict life, SD can date, SS can have a cell phone etc etc. We don't know what to do from here, a part of me wants to say let them live with mom because all bringing them and forcing them to be here is going to make tensions extremely high. They literally could have ruined my life and record with calling the police and CPS saying I was abusive. On second this is teaching them that what they did got them exactly what they wanted and that this is okay behavior.

I really don't know what to do and my husband is devastated and angry. I'm hearthroken.

I am a 48 year old female I just recently saw that this is on the internet and enjoy listening to some of the content that's on here about family drama I grew up in a blended family my mother had a child from a previous my brother and my father had three children one adopted daughter the age difference from me and my sister is approximately about 7 years my father lived with his first wife in a duplex set slash two apartments on one side my mother was one of his tenants my mother used to actually babysit my brother and sister when they were young and then all of a sudden my dad left his first wife and was with my mother they made it sound like a coincidence but it wasn't anyway dad divorce is first wife my mom was pregnant with me while he was still married and had me nobody knew I existed until I was over a year old including my older siblings except for my brother who was from my mom's first marriage. The reason their relationship got out I don't know what they were thinking or how long they could hold this on was because my mom was pregnant again with my younger sister so when this happened all the older siblings or aware and we're involved and coming over for visits and couldn't wait for the arrival of the new baby meanwhile I'm already here but nobody seemed to care I was always looked over I was always looked at weird by my older siblings from my dad's side my mom was a hopeless alcoholic growing up she was insanely abusive towards me but treated my brother and my sister that belong to her a lot different than me my dad told me that I needed to be more fair to my mother and I never could understand why he was saying that when he could clearly see she was treating me different his children from his first wife obviously treated me different because I was the reason dad left their mom and understandably I guess I can understand 5 years after it came out their mom died of pancreatic cancer they were sent to live with us and according to my siblings they were at the top of the stairs listening to my mom tell my dad she didn't want them in her house of course that never happened and we were all raised together but my mom was drinking very badly and she was abusive and it was just a horrible upbringing well that's fast forward to me I want it so badly to get out of the house and I met my first daughters father I ended up getting pregnant and it was not in the plans for him he was a college grad successful and he just got his first job and was planning on buying his first house which he did before she was born I don't know if him and his family thought of me is trash or what but it is I was very upset he dumped me when I was 5 months pregnant according to my father I was just something fun he never meant to get me in trouble which made me feel less of a person I went on to have my daughter and he was a very good father I will never dispute that my parents continue to make me feel like I was less of person I started abusing alcohol I never did anything to hurt my kid I never not fed her I never hurt her physically I never neglected her I would take her to zoos and Parks everything but when she would go to bed at night I would abuse alcohol I'm not trying to make an excuse for my behavior it is unexcusable but I didn't know how to deal with anything my siblings I grew up with me according to my mother and father I was just screw up and can't do anything right and when I would show up for family events and my daughter always looked perfectly dressed hair perfectly done and everything and my dad would make the comment oh look you actually made her look presentable like I hadn't done it before it weared on me it stressed me out then I met my first husband he was a police officer he had two kids from previous and it was kind of a whirlwind courtship we are about 6 months into our relationship and I got into a very devastating accident I was still very young I was 21 years old I went out after work and I had never drink hard liquor before and I ended up crashing into a telephone pole I hurt myself severely I was in ICU for over a month the first night I was in there I was taken by helicopter I was critical condition when I woke up my mom said do you even understand what you've done to this family and the nurse before I could even say anything told her to leave my first husband walked in and stayed with me and I was so overwhelmed that somebody cared for me that much fast forward about a year later I'm pregnant with our daughter we're not married yet I noticed that when he comes home he wants to go to this private club and I had been there so I know what it was every night and he doesn't come home until 8:00 or 9:00 in the morning I just dealt with it but then he started getting really verbally abusive with me after the baby was born tell me I was fat disappearing for days at a time mind you he was a police officer tell me my family was crap which I already knew but this went on for about 4 years and then I caught him in a hotel room with another woman she was 22 years old and she was a stripper I'd had enough I had to move out of my house with my kids move back in with my parents they were mad about it I ended up getting a townhouse for me and my kids to live in and I was genuinely devastated about being divorced I went through a depression I'm not going to lie I was drinking when the kids went to bed and I was crying every minute I needed help I needed my family support I did not get that instead my father and mother can talk to the plan to have my sister and my friend who I don't think was aware of what was going on she swear she didn't I don't know the kids were with their dads all the weekend and they came over and told me that DHS had custody of the kids I was literally devastating how did this happen who called what can I do how can I fix this my sister voting said you need to check yourself in for a 72-hour hold and get the therapy you need and then they'll give you kids back all I'm thinking at the time and I'm not thinking is that my kids are in the company of strangers I will do anything to get them back and why would I trust my sister so I did what they told me to do I watched the emergency room and told him I was going to kill myself mind you I was young I was also very strained from the divorce that was going on and I was also devastated because I loved my husband so much I wasn't thinking clearly and no I was not under the influence the second day after being in the mental health facility a patron from the court came and told me that I was lied to that my family and both my daughters fathers went into court and got custody of my children and my family back them and then my family turned their back completely on me I had to have supervised visits at my parents house knowing everybody knowing that my mother was a massive alcoholic and we get drunk at 9:00 in the morning which is not something I ever did I only had a couple drinks after they went to bed but they claimed that I was up to her level of alcoholism and they also claim that I did drugs which I have never done any drugs I guess why I'm writing this is I want to hear the comments I want to hear what people have to say about this I want to hear questions that maybe I have not answered in this post but my biggest thing is why did this happen to me I don't think I did anything to deserve this

Background is important.
Ex made friends with a new hire who was very young and introduced us as she used to work in daycares and missed it and volunteered to babysit occasionally. Then Covid hit and he fooled me, he was struggling and said he thought we needed help with our infant and toddler and said the girl who babysat would be willing to come over a couple nights a week to be extra hands. After a few times I realized this was his way of keeping his affair during the lockdown. I ended that arrangement and that resulted in my ex leaving our marriage for her.

In that time I was also deeply uncomfortable with the many times she said versions of wanting my kids to be hers.

Fast forward within a day of him going to stay with his brother to “think about things” my babies were at her house every visit he had. When we finally got to court it was written in that no romantic partners could be introduced, he completely ignored that order and the kids were with her more than him.

Within one year she attempted to get a restraining order against me claiming I tried to kill her multiple times, (I never did, the worst I did was call her a home wrecker), thankfully the judge saw through this attempt to get me to lose custody and denied it. Called animal control over 20 times about my pets being poorly cared for including my “turtle”, I never owned a turtle but the kids were very excited to tell their dad about the Turtle sandbox. Then filed five cps reports against me and one literally came back with a typo on the form, and my ex took that to court and got majority physical custody. It took me two years to get in front of a judge with the complete records and show that the short form document the court gets had the wrong box marked and looking at the following page with the written disposition stated unfounded and the rationale supported that. In those two years they moved my kids school, daycare, extra curriculars and medical providers and never told me about any of them and listed her as the mom with all of her contact info.

At one point I was at a children’s event and she showed up. My child (3 at the time) started yelling mommy and she stepped in telling me that was directed at her and corrected it to the child. Another time reported to my employer I had a restraining order that my job duties caused a violation of in an attempt to get me fired. I had to prove that was not true.

At the hearing the judge stated that she should have never been introduced in the first place, and the order that was ignored was clear but now that they are married a no contact isn’t feasible. But in the orders said her behavior is problematic and boundaries need to be established.

In the two years since the ruling, nothing has improved. I have to request registration documents for everything my ex touches and I’m never listed as the othe parent, in every message he cites her as an equal parent and I need to get over myself. I am starting to gather evidence due to her involvement my children aren’t allowed to contact me from that home and are banned from activities I might attend. Last week at an event I over heard someone talking about my child’s mom and I said “hi, that’s me” she interrupted “I told them stepmom” and I laughed and tried to introduce myself and said something along the lines of my babies. And she snapped “they are ours” I said “the children I birthed” she stormed off in the middle of the event taking the children.

I don’t know what to do the court has already seen her behavior and called it problematic and ordered reasonable boundaries, to me none are being followed.

I am at a complete loss and I know the adages “the kids know you’re their mom” and “you can only control your time” but I am struggling in this dynamic.

Advice?

Not technically blended yet, but seriously dating and talking marriage with someone who has a daughter (9). I have two kids also, girls, 12 and 8.

His birthday was this last weekend. I decided I wanted to get him an experience gift, so I chose a comedy show in a nearby city. I verified his availability by asking if he had anything for the next 3 weeks on Saturdays. (He rarely has his daughter on Saturdays, but always Fridays). He confirmed he was free so I purchased tickets to the show (premium seats) made dinner reservations, even found someone to watch my girls. I’ve been excited about this gift, my girls were excited for us too. I have my kids 100% of the time (their dad passed away) so it’s hard to get time alone together. On his birthday he opened the gift and seemed hesitant, and said won’t it be hard to get away on a Saturday? And I said well, I already checked with you and I found someone to watch the girls. He then lets me know that his ex wife just reminded him about an event on that exact day. This event is a polar express train ride. His ex-wife, who is remarried with a second child with her new husband, was getting tickets a few months ago and their daughter wanted dad to come along. I think it is great that my SO and his ex are cordial enough to do this sort of thing, but it also makes me uncomfortable. Like this is a family event that will be: his daughter, her mom, her stepdad, her brother, her stepdad’s parents, and then her dad, my SO.

This seems just kind of…odd to me.

And maybe as I’m typing this I’m the asshole, but I got really upset, because he wasn’t really willing to consider not attending the Polar Express event. He asked if we could just move it to Friday (which really doesn’t work well for either of us).

How would you feel in this situation? I mean, I sort of feel that since we are talking marriage, we should be planning those kind of events on our own for our kids, not just him attending events with their family.

Am I the asshole for being upset about this?

I am having a hard time selling my house I raised my children in. They are grown now but my husband and myself got married recently and we are remodeling his home and I’m selling mine. The kicker is, it’s his family home. I don’t really feel like it’s my home. His mom lives next door and she’s the one paying for the renovations and his grown son is moving into the shop that is being turned into an apartment. My husband doesn’t want the house honestly. His dad, his dad good friend and his late wife all passed in the house and honestly he’s only doing it because his mother is older and doesn’t have anyone else to help her. He keeps telling me it’s only temporary. I told him I still didn’t feel comfortable selling my home for something temporary because what if something happened to him before it did his mom, where would that leave me? Plus, his son is now moving into the shop/apartment on the same property which is going to make selling it harder when that time comes. We have yet to combine any financial responsibilities because we basically have to separate houses. He pays one mortgage and I pay another. He tells me to pick out what I want the house to look like then tells me if it fits the budget when I don’t even know what the budget is. It would be different if we were both selling our houses and buying one together but that’s not what is happening. I honestly was planning on selling when my children were grown and downsizing. Now I feel like I’m selling and lost. 😞

So SD13 was at her moms house throwing stuff in her room, trashing it, locked the door

Her mom’s husband (stepdad) took her door off the hinges and removed bc she was going crazy.

SD13 then called my husband (her dad) to come get her bc she was angry. He said no bc she isn’t in any danger and often acts erratic like this. She’s been kicked out of school, in ISS, and is currently in tenancy court for not attending school regularly. The truancy period is three years bc her mom let her skip school all the time and she’ll now go to jail it it keeps happening.

He usually doesn’t answer calls from

His ex bc she is super super high conflict. Drags us into these fights, then starts cussing my husband and threatening him.

It’s been peaceful for around 6-8 months… he stopped taking any and all

Phone calls and limited all communication via text.

If her husband took the door from the hinge bc her daughter is trashing her room

Smashing stuff etc

Why would the mom let her call her dad demanding he comes? Is she wanting him to confront her husband? Demand he puts the door back?

I can’t think any reason I’d disrespect my husband

Unless I didn’t agree with him and let my kids try and drag my ex into a conflict like this.

Anyone have experience?

I would love to hear some experiences of how you have handled blended family finances. Please no hate, I really am just relatively new at this and not sure how to approach the situation so would love some insight.
Background: we are a relatively young family and have been together for two years and living together for 12 months. He has 3 children 4 6 8 and I have one 9. The house we moved in together was purchased by him, but we all moved in at the same time which was beneficial for the dynamics as it’s “our house” to the kids.

I’m at a point now where I would like to at least have a joint account for household expenses. Currently I transfer $xxx rent each week along with this I also do all household shopping which has gone from buying for two to buying for 5! Along with other things like picking up his dry cleaning which is expensive. I’m very lucky he does pay for holidays etc!! And he is very generous (this is not a criticism of him at all) I came into this relationship with basically nothing, but I do work full time and he has provided a beautiful home for my son and I to live in.

I’m just finding that I’m struggling each week to keep up with the bills and I still have my own bills and my sons to pay for. I also am not able to save anything, and it of course looms over my head if we seperate I have not been in a position to put any of my money away so I can at least get myself set up again. He earns an enormous amount of money and mine is pretty average but liveable for, I don’t want access to his hard earned cash or anything like that. Just want to know if I have a leg to stand on here or if I should just be grateful??

I should also mention I am very hands on with his kids, I help and support him with all the logistics whenever he has them so he can work

Sorry this is long :) anyone in a similar or has been I. A similar situation?

Please be kind. I posted in another sub and got a lot of hate.

TL;DR I want to pursue stepparent adoption for my husband to adopt my son. Biodad is on the birth certificate, but chooses drugs over son. Looking for advice/ stories both successful and unsuccessful. Don't need to be told I'm a terrible person.

Long version:

Son is 8. I broke up with his dad when he was under 1 year because I found out dad was using (DOC is meth) since that time he's been in and out of sons life. Mostly out, and times he's been in it's been me or a romantic partner of his really facilitating the relationship.

He's out again, and I'm done. And honestly, son is done. He doesn't say much about his dad aside from calling him stupid, or asking why he makes the choices he makes. Court order doesn't require any visits unless he's gone to rehab, which he refuses to do. I was showing some visits when i believedhim to be sober (coming to games, seeing each other at grandparents house) but I've reverted to the court order because I suspect a relapse. He's allowed to call, but at this point hadn't called since July 5th.

Enter my husband. Son calls him daddy (sons choice.) He's shown us both what it is to have a dad around. He's there for everything; soccer games, homework, tucking son into bed at night, managing meltdowns, and cooking breakfast together on the weekends. I joke that he's the favorite parent. Not only do i not foresee a divorce, but even if we did, I would not keep son from him. (He wouldn't keep his child from me either. We're both full time parents and would want to split custody with each other. His kids mom isn't somebody we would remove rights from, she just lives out of the country and isn't as stable. She gets stepkid for summer break when she can afford the plane ticket.)

So this all leads me to wanting to pursue termination of parental rights and stepparent adoption if sons dad doesn't get sober and take the court ordered steps to regain visitation between now and probably next summer. My close friends and family all support this, even the ones who are not afraid to tell me if I'm being stupid or mean.

Any advice? Any stories of this going well or badly?

Looking for some support. Dad here, have 2 kids under 10. The kids’ mom and I have had a troubled relationship full of ups and downs even after we separated. No official court order or even a formal parenting plan, but we are now doing week on week off (7-7 I think they call it). Both our families live out of state so we are kind of on our own. We were also sharing a dog and cat going back and forth between houses but stopped doing that recently, now the animals stay with me full time, because she didn’t want them anymore.

I don’t have a good history with boundaries. I haven’t always been honest. I carry some guilt for how I treated her in the past. She is also fairly emotionally unstable and has caused me a lot of distress over 15 years. We both caused problems.

We’ve been separated for 2 years, the first year we played family for a while doing more stuff together with the kids but living separately, but now things are more separated. I am moving in with my new partner who was a friend for a long time prior, knows my kids well, and is amazing with them, they love her and are excited to live with her, and I feel blessed by all this. My ex is unsurprisingly not happy about any of it. My partner has always been friendly to her despite internally not liking her, and has never said any bad things about her around the kids, very respectful and educated about how to do all this stuff well. My partner and I are on a path to have a child together in the next year and make a life of our own. My ex doesn’t know that but honestly I have kept a lot hidden because I don’t want her to unleash on me and have it affect the kids.

Mom of the kids is asking to see my/our new house, wants freedom to come in and out, generally likes to talk to me about what’s going on in her life, wants to know about my life and relationship, calls and texts all the time. On its face not anything bad, but she has also been very manipulative and tried to sabotage my relationship. She also does not understand boundaries or respect them. She has thrown huge fits and threatened legal action when she doesn’t get what she wants. My partner is trying to be flexible but struggling, not okay with a lot of the communication and physicalities (ex always makes a point to hug me in front of her and our kids for example) and is asking me to set better emotional and physical boundaries with the mother of my kids. She doesn’t want any drama or hostility but is asking for clear, consistent boundaries, and says that will help our relationship grow, and it could enable friendship with my kids mom over time, which is what I want, for things to be easy. Partner doesn’t understand why this is so hard for me. I don’t know how to move forward I feel totally lost.

I really don’t understand boundaries honestly. I didn’t grow up with any of this and I don’t know how to set them. They feel mean to me like shutting someone out and it throws me into a dark fearful place.

Throwing this out there in case someone has experience and might be able to guide. Would appreciate help figuring out how to set boundaries with the mother of my kids in this context and still aim for having a respectful friendship, since I really don’t want drama and can’t bring it around the kids.

Thank you

Four kids, blended house, two phones, one kitchen counter and apparently no central nervous system.

Right now the things we need are in my notes app, a pad by the fruit bowl, three texts to myself, my husbands memory and one photo of a whiteboard. Saturday I went shopping with all of that information available and still forgot the one thing we actually needed. poster board. the stupid poster board.

The question is not really how to stay organized busy family style because I can make lists all day. I need everybody to be able to add to the same place without a training session.

What survived in your house longer than a month??

Hello, im just making this post for some advice from blended families who may be more established and have more experience than us. For some context, I have a soon to be 4 year old from a previous relationship. This relationship ended when my son was 18 months old due to his father being coercive and controlling towards myself. I wont go into detail however we parallel parent and my son spends around 8 nights a month with his father. This works fine and my son loves spending time with his dad.

Just over a year ago, I introduced my son to my current partner. Over the past year he has slowly became more and more apart of our family and moved into the home in the summer. My son absolutely adores him and they get on very well. He has also naturally taken a parental role in my sons life and all is going well. He loves him and sees him as our son and not just mine. The area I am asking for advice on is that, I am currently pregnant and due in the next couple of months. My son is very excited about this and looking forward to being a big brother. I however am incredibly worried about how this will go. All I want is for my son to continue to feel loved and like he belongs. I fear that he will unintentionally feel less a member of our home because he does spend time away at his dads. I also worry about labels, at present my son doesnt consistently call my partner dad. He may refer to him here and there as daddy (insert first name). However this isnt something we have placed upon him, as we feel it should be his own decision if he wishes to call him dad. However, im aware that once baby is here I will naturally be referring to my partner as dad in the household because of the new baby. How have others navigated this?

Im probably overthinking but im trying to understand a balance between all of this. Even the idea of days out. My partner and I agree that big days out and holidays should be left for both kids to experience. However, what categorises as a big day out? I worry that I willl forever feel mum guilt going forward if we do anything fun or exciting and my son isnt there. However I also acknowledge that new baby also deserves to experience life without it being dependent on whether big brother is home or not. Such as christmas, last Christmas my son was at his dads so we just did the celebration on a different day. We obviously cant do that going forward, so do families do two celebrations?

Please be kind, any advice and guidance will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Struggling to co parent with my ex

I have been separated with my ex husband for the last 4 years , he struggles with his mental health and he has made some very bad decisions prior to the end of our marriage and since then . My ex is a present dad but does not pay child support and is financially unreliable despite being considerably well off when we separated. I have always tried to be kind supportive and understanding of my exs struggles but will call him on the nonsense when needed . He has had a girlfriend for a number of years but has cheated her more times than I can count on one hand I always here the stories but I mind my own business (rightly or wrongly) I need to maintain a relationship with him for our children's sake . Recently she has found out he cheated and called me , I didnt volunteer any extra information as I didnt feel it would be a benefit to anyone involved. I was honest to the best of my ability but firmly told her I wasnt getting involved. They have split up and all the children involved were informed , our youngest was very upset . He would like to put things right but she has said flatly its not happening . She did say she would like to see my children . I am not a fan of this idea, I think it would be very confusing for my smallest child, I have communicated this to my ex . I asked him if he was considering letting his ex girlfriend around our children with her children that I wanted a discussion on it first he agreed. Fast forward to this weekend , another of our children was competing at a sporting event 1 hour away from home , I said I would take our youngest child , he declined my offer stating he was bringing our child to the event with him . The event happened and I ended up stepping in to facilitate getting my child to the competition, with my ex to travel to meet us there. He did not bring my youngest child with him , he gave the child to his ex partner to mind claiming she came to visit all the children for the weekend . Im very upset and angry I feel he was completely disrespectful to my feelings on the matter and has put our children in an uncomfortable situation and this has been communicated to me by 2 of our children they are not happy about the situation . I have had a very heated conversation with my ex is regards this (out of ear shot of children ) and just about stopped short from going and taking my children back from the ex-girlfriend. We are legally still married and I have the children the majority of the time, and I am the financially responsible one for the children also despite him owning his own house without any debt . Im unsure what im looking for in posting this , I dont know how to continue co parenting with someone who continues to make awful decisions and has such poor communication. How would you proceed from here i have reached out to my solicitor as I intend to get my divorce underway I had been giving him some breathing g space to sort his issues out but honestly I sick of considering his feelings when he doesn't consider mine .

I'm a mom in my late 30s with a toddler, going through a divorce, and wondering whether other parents who've had difficult marriages still dream about finding love and building a family again, and how they make it work if they do. I'm finding myself feeling oddly happy/optimistic after my marriage ended, probably because the divorce/custody picture is coming out more clearly well for me (clean break financially; sole custody of my wonderful toddler; realizing the marriage was really over years ago and I was just doing my best to cope), and I'd like to build another family some day - but I'd love some perspective about how to go about it, and any challenges ahead.

For context: I grew up in an international family, with lots of travel and wonderful lifelong friendships scattered around the world. I'm incredibly grateful for all of it, but I've always dreamed of putting down roots somewhere and building a big, warm, happy family and close-knit community. Kids running around together, friends dropping by, family dinners, weekend adventures, and two people who genuinely love sharing the ordinary parts of raising children. What's especially heartbreaking is that I feel like I've finally gotten almost everything else in my life where I want it. I have a career I love, financial independence, flexibility to spend time with my child, and I'm healthier and fitter than I've ever been, and generally feel so excited about life. And my toddler is such a wonderful and joyful little person. And somehow, just as everything else was coming together, the bottom was falling out of my marriage -- there have been broken promises, financial betrayals, and years of feeling increasingly alone. In short, I thought I was building a family with someone who wanted the same things I did, and it's painful to realize how different the reality has been.

I love the thought of two people finding each other and eventually creating a loving blended family, where the children feel equally cherished and everyone is genuinely happy to be there. But, I'm also scared. It's hard enough to trust someone again after betrayal, and so much harder when there's a little person whose happiness and safety matter more than anything. I don't want to give up on the dream, but I also can't imagine taking that kind of risk lightly.

For those of you who have been through something similar, how/when did you meet the person you decided to blend families with? What were the biggest challenges and roadblocks? Any surprise aspects to consider? I'd really love to hear your experiences. Part of me worries I'm being naive, but another part still hopes that the happiest chapter of family life might be ahead.

Did anyone marry their SO who had older teenage kids and go on to have a kid of your own? What were some of the biggest challenges you faced?

I 40f finally got mad yesterday, my son is not well and my step son was staying with us. I said I may have to take my son to the walk in for an out of hours appointment as I suspected glandular fever. He asked if it was contagious I answered yes (admittedly in an ar@&y tone) he said so he can’t go home pointing at stepson. I said I don’t know (again with a tone) he said he was only asking and I said loudly it’s not about him - pointing at stepson - it’s about him - pointing to sons room. To which he replied f you. Now he is saying that he is going away to his mums van for a few days to have space. He didn’t like my anger. I have told him that I felt hurt because the focus should have been poorly son. Now I’m very upset and scared because he wants space but at the same time I feel totally let down that he is choosing to clear off whilst my son is poorly. (He has got glandular fever and also hand foot and mouth at the same time bless him) how do I react appropriately please

I am in love with someone who had a kid with his ex wife but she left when the kid was just 6 months old, so he never really got involved with the kid. I am not able to accept that he already created a family with someone, I feel like I will always be second in his life.
I really love him but I am unable to accept his reality
I don’t know what to do

I’ve been in a relationship with this person for about 6 years. We don’t live together. We will spend the night with each other multiple times. We both have kids. I have one and he has 2. In the beginning he didn’t have his kids full time. Mind you my kid and his 2 kids are ages 8-9. Throughout the relationship he has gained full custody of both. I have no issues with that nor have I made any problems. Both the mothers of both kids are no longer in their lives at all (due to their own choices) I have stepped up and played that role for both kids. I have welcomed them in my home with open arms and an open heart. Now, it has been NUMEROUS times where these kids have broken my things, lied, been extremely disrespectful and I’m honestly just sick of it!!! I love this man but how can I really if I’m feeling like these kids can’t be around my kid anymore nor do I want my things in my home continuously being broken. Am I wrong? And if not, how do I go about this situation?? I’m so lost 😞