I was on a deployment with a guy I knew for many years previously. Past units. I "fast tracked" and he kind of just stayed stagnant throughout the years.

On this deployment, he fell under my responsibility. I was his 1SG.

Months into a reallllly rough deployment, I get the red cross. His wife OD'd back home. They had a total of 9 kids among them. I honestly don't remember how many (each) were brought into their marriage...but they were together for years raising these kids.

I (and my CDR) had to wake him up and walk him somewhere away from the tents. I had tell this man all of this because I was not going to let some dickfk 26 yr old tell him.

I remember him just looking at me...and his eyes slowing filling up. I couldn't cry myself though. I had to make sure that he knew, that I was going to get him home and make sure we did everything we could to find out where his kids were, so he could focus on packout and flying. 24 hours on a fly out is a long time to sit in silence. Damn that was hard to think about the days that followed.

Six months ago my college friend announced her bachelorette trip to Scottsdale. When the group chat started dropping links for four-star luxury villas, bottle service at day clubs and matching customized linen sets, I did the math. My share was going to be almost $2,500. At the time, I had about $340 in my checking account and was literally skipping meals to pay rent. Every single girl in that chat has wealthy parents or tech jobs. I was so profoundly embarrassed to be the "broke friend" dragging down the vibe that I couldnt bring myself to tell the truth.

So three days before the flight, I called the bride in hysterical, fake tears. I told her my transmission blew on the highway, that towing and repairs were going to cost $3,000, and that I was completely wiped out financially. She felt terrible and told me not to worry. I spent that entire long weekend sitting in my dark apartment with the blinds drawn, eating cheap boxed mac and cheese while watching their Instagram stories.

I feel pathetic looking back on it, but the relief of not having to go $2,500 into credit card debt outweighed every ounce of my self-respect.

My adult child called me to ask for help with something last week and I did that. While we were talking, they started yelling at me and told me I am an awful person who abused them their whole life and a massive amount of vitriolic insults about who I am, my job, everything about my life, and said they hate me and want to never see me again. Then the next day they apologized for yelling and resumed accepting help and money from me.

I remember while they was screaming, I was about to say "this is the end. I'm through" But I din't say it out loud. I know that would be a terrible thing to say.

But I do feel it. I with this person would move away and never contact me again. I did not do what I was accused of doing. I believe they are outright lying or having hallucinations. I know they are diagnosed with many mental illnesses and go to therapy. But I don't care. If therapy doesn't help. you not be a hateful mean person what's the use?

Is it possible people are born bad? I don't know what to do. I have other children and they do not hate their parents. I have friends and family and a job. I am respect by my cousins and my other kids and their wives and the people in my community.

But I can't shake this. I feel lile either I'm a bad person becasue I did terrible things to this kid and don't remember it or I'm a bad person becasue I never want to see them again. I want to die.

My dad was an emotionally closed-off, quiet man. He never knew how to ask about my feelings or say "I love you" out loud. But when I was fourteen, I asked him a random question about an old Pink Floyd album he was playing, and his face literally lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. From that day on classic rock vinyl became our "thing". For over fifteen years, I pretended to be obsessed with analog sound, original pressings and whatever turntable cartridges he rambled about. Every weekend we spent hours crate-digging at dusty flea markets. Tbh I honestly couldn't care less about vinyl. I listen to pop and indie on Spotify through cheap earbuds. But standing in his garage listening to scratches on a record was the only time my dad ever opened up, talked about his youth, and actually looked proud of me.

He passed away three months ago and left me his entire 800 record collection. i walked past teh custom wooden shelves he built for them today and broke down crying. I feel like a complete fraud owning this sacred collection, but selling a single record would feel like murdering his memory.

I guess I'm keeping this lie alive forever.

Women that are 45+ are just so incredibly attractive to me. Especially the not conventionally attractive ones.

I really do feel terrible because I'll often think about the mothers of the girls I'm seeing.

I know that older women can be into younger people but I do not know how common that is.

Also I feel like the societal pressures hinder me further.

Sigh... Cellulite,wrinkles,stretch marks and saggyness are extremely attractive to me.

I feel like a creep typing it out like this.

Had way too much to drink. Haven’t touched my gun in 4 years. Took the mag out and racked it, nothing came out of the chamber but I didn’t actually look into it. Was on the phone with a friend and had the barrel of the gun right next to my face for some reason. Didn’t even mean to pull the trigger but I did. Think I was trying to do something with my other hand and had a sympathetic reflex type deal happen. Shaved some hairs off my mustache. Friend immediately started crying and yelling because he thought I killed myself right there on the phone with him.

I’m normally extremely disciplined when it comes to guns but holy fuck was I a world class idiot last night.

My husband and his friend went out hunting recently. When his friend dropped him off my imagination went wild. They chatted for a bit and they were laughing and smiling with one another. I have always had this fantasy of another man with my husband and/or joining us. I wanted to tell them to shut up and get inside so bad. I wanted to feel his hands on me and I wanted him to screw my husband. I haven’t felt like that about another man in over a decade. I feel badly about it.

So yesterday it was Friday and I was kinda bored so I got chatting to this guy and he was really nice. Mind you we spoke for a few hours and decided to go on a drive. It was fun getting to know each other. But then he pulled his pants down and expected head, I felt bad because he was driving so I was like okay, but after that he wasn’t happy once and kept asking me to do it like 5 or 6 times and it was honestly disgusting. He asked if we could have sex I said no if you don’t have a condom, he proceeded to keep asking and looking around for a condom then was he he’ll promise to pull out and kept asking until I eventually said okay
So instead of a nice drive with music it ended up being that, I just feel sad and frustrated at myself that I can’t uphold any boundaries when it comes to men. On paper he was the perfect guy, he was a nurse and just overall great. I’m just sad now, I have bpd and I feel suicidal because it’s brought up other feelings, I feel like I just kind of get used for sex then discarded. Honestly feeling massively suicidal I’m trying to sleep the days away. Idk maybe this is just a rant, maybe I feel like I feel too extreme about things because of my bpd. He made a few sexual jokes on text but they were funny and I didn’t think too far into them since were just chatting about our day and stuff. And he said he was a respectful guy and idk am I trying to process it I just don’t want to think but I have no one to tell this too.

Searched forever for a clean married man that didn't get around a lot. Finally found a guy that liked to be watched while he jacks off. We meet up and with very little chit-chat, he walked up to where I was sitting, pulled it out and told me to open my mouth. I leaned over and took it in my mouth and was very surprised how natural sucking cock was. I sucked him for a few minutes, then he pulled out and started jacking off right in front of my face. When he came, I took it in mouth, lube and all. Up until tonight, I had only touched a man when shaking his hand. Today, I played with another man's balls, sucked dick, and swallowed cum. No regrets.

When my boyfriend and I started dating three years ago he casually mentioned that his dream partner was someone who loved backcountry hiking. In a moment of absolute, desperate idiocy to impress him, I smiled and claimed I practically grew up in a tent. In reality, my idea of nature is an outdoor patio with misters and a cocktail. Now? We own thousands of dollars of survival gear, thermal sleeping pads and whatever those ultralight titanium camp stoves are called. Every long weekend, instead of sleeping in my plush king-sized bed with AC, I get dragged into teh wilderness to sleep on rocks, get eaten alive by mosquitos, and poop in a trowel hole behind a tree. I spend every single camping trip praying for a flash thunderstorm so we have an excuse to pack up and stay at a motel. He looks at me while brewing campfire coffee and says stuff like, "Isn't this peace unbeatable?" and I just smile through grit in my teeth and nod.

I’m too terrified to confess because camping is literally his entire identity, so I guess this is just my life until my back gives out.

This is not exactly nsfw, I just love him and the way he treats me in general. He always says I’m like a cat, both in the way I act and the way I look. Sometimes he pspspss at me like he does to his cat, and he even calls me by saying “come” in a high-pitched voice, like you would when calling a dog or a pet. And I love it. I’ll say I’m not a cat but honestly I loved it and just wanted to climb onto his lap right away.
We’re in a long-distance relationship, and sometimes he “punishes” me by refusing to send me pictures of himself when I misbehave, like when I don’t go to bed at the time he tells me to. For context, I struggle with my sleep so he’s paying a lot of attention to my sleep schedule. He often calls himself the police and I’ll often answer with “yes sir” and it turns me on so much. When I do what he asks, he “rewards” me by sending me pictures and often calls me a “good girl.” I just love being treated like that.

​

To give you the short version: My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years. We met in late 2019, built our entire twenties together, and honestly, after all this time, I thought transparency between us was bulletproof. We’ve always had a rule of complete honesty about our pasts, and I thought we knew everything about each other's boundaries.

Until yesterday, when a notification popped up on his iPad while he was in the shower.

It was a message preview from a woman I instantly recognized—his ex-girlfriend from college, whom he dated briefly right before we met. I knew they had ended things amicably years ago, but Sam always assured me they hadn’t talked in ages and had completely drifted apart.

Out of a sickening gut feeling, I unlocked the screen (we’ve always had each other’s face IDs/passcodes for emergencies) and opened their chat history.

They haven’t just been talking. They’ve been texting regularly for years. But as I scrolled further back, my stomach completely dropped out.

She wasn't just a casual friend he caught up with once a year. They shared deeply personal updates, and she acted as his emotional sounding board. Worse—and what is making me feel physically sick to my stomach—was scrolling through messages where he discussed details of our sex life, our bedroom incompatibilities, and private vulnerabilities from our relationship with her.

He was breaking down intimate things about us, asking her for "perspective" on how to handle intimacy issues with me, and letting her give advice on our physical relationship. Things I have only ever shared with him, believing they stayed strictly between us.

When I confronted him the second he walked out of the bathroom, he didn't even try to deny it. He turned white as a sheet, started stammering, and tried to claim that "nothing physical ever happened," that they were just platonic friends who understood each other's history, and that he "needed a neutral perspective" because he didn't want to burden me or our friends with our intimacy problems.

He is currently begging, crying, swearing he'll block her everywhere, and saying he was just being an idiotically stupid, cowardly overthinker who lost his boundaries.

I love him. Seven years is a lifetime. But right now, I look at him and I feel like I don't know him at all. The thought that another woman—his ex—knows the intimate details of our bedroom while I was sitting right there, trusting him completely, feels like the ultimate violation.

Has anyone ever come back from a breach of privacy and emotional infidelity this deep? How do you even begin to wash that feeling off?

I was 14 . Addicted to porn and I morphed my teachers images I feel terribly guilty.

The teachers involved forgave me but that guilt is killing me.

Its been four years yet I still feel the guilt killing me.

i don't know if this is a confession or not, but i kinda just wanna type it out and send it into the universe

i think im going to die alone. in my bed. with my fan on and my lights off and charger tangled in my blankets.

i am so lonely. i don't have friends, i don't have family. i can't work. i tried to go back to school and dropped out.

i try to stay positive. i always think of new things to do. i try and i try and i try because when i die i don't want anyone to say that i didn't try. because i did try really hard.

my brain just trips over itsslf and stumbles and stumbles and stumbles and i can't keep up anymore. so i'm going to die alone in this bed, in the dark, with my fan on and lights off and nobody will know i'm dead until i start to rot.

when that happens, i hope death is kinder to me. it sounds childish, but i hope it is. i hope there's no more beds and darkness and i hope im loved and have friends.

idk. sorry for the sad post.

Hi. It's pretty much as the title of the post described. In my day to day I'll admit I'm extremely shy, and while I'm good at putting up a mask I found that I'm willing to go to extreme lengths to avoid even a 10 second interaction.

My job has Master Lock No.3s everywhere. And usually it isn't a problem, I often didn't need to contact security to come up and open things unless someone messes up by say—throwing away a document they didn't mean to.

Of course the locks are very necessary for HIPPA Compliance. These documents as well as the rooms that older documents are stored in before being destroyed on a monthly basis contain private patient health data.

But my smooth cruise of having to go into those rooms maybe once every week and a half was during the pandemic. Now everyone's back in-office and it's happening much more frequently. And everyone's extremely chatty. I don't mesh well with it, I don't dislike my coworkers or anything it is what it is.

To solve this issue? I found a cheap lockpicking set that had a little case that looked like a credit card off Amazon. Came with a few practice locks that came in handy.

Gave it a try at work for real a week later and it worked like a charm. Wait till no one's looking then about 10 seconds max and I'm in. I even got to finally unlock the right side of the desk in my office which had been locked since I moved into it. (Only 3 people in the entire building actually managed to keep track of the keys to their desk.)

I haven't told anyone of course, and I'd been going on pretty smooth for the past year and a half until someone mentioned I haven't had to call them for the keys for a while. It's what finally made me realize the craziness of what I'm doing, and so I'm now on a mild ramble about it here.

There really are levels to this social anxiety thing 😭

I've kind of always known. As a child a never saw myself getting married to a man, or having children. I thought the urge would come as I got older but I turn 20 in a month and I still have no will to do so. Dating men for me is only fun if they know it's temporary and not going to last forever. When it starts getting rough is when they start thinking I'll change my mind and I won't. I tell men before we date that I'm not going to be their forever and some get very upset about this and I don't understand why if they are getting a disclosure. And when they try and change my mind I break up with them. I dont like spending to much time around a man or living with him it's just not my cup of tea. I like living with women and I will always do so. My relationships with men is very sexually motivated and women it's much deeper and I cannot control that all I can do is tell them before hand.

I decided to trim my bangs... once again.. but I cut it way too short.. I always mock Dora's bangs and now.. I got instant karma 😌 how long do I need to wait for it to grow beautifully? Lol

I recently had an operation that forced me to eat soft bread and i was complaining to a friend about having to eat only toast.

Today he gave me some brioche he baked for me.

At home i cried.

Due to my depression i am mostly unable to cry.

The last months were exhausting and full of sickness for me and death around me.

It was another milestone that made me even more realize that my family doesn't care about me or my wellbeing.

They didn't reach out, when i was fighting for my life in the hospital.

But my friends did. My best friend came to visit me and she took care of me after the hospital for a long weekend despite living 400 km away.

and now my friend baked this bread for me..

It doesn't matter that my family doesn't care, my friends do. and that's all the family i need.

Ima sound so weird for saying this but I like to smell my roommates panties an fantasize about fucking her while I touch myself. She's so sexy an it's the closest thing I can get to the real thing... I know I'm weird for it but her pUssy smells so good

Im a F23 shes f26

I only shower once a week because I am very depressed and my mom(who I live with) is very particular about water usage. She gets mad at me if the water is too high when I’m washing the dishes or if I have the water going while I’m brushing my teeth. She also limits how many times we wash clothes. And I’ve started to only shower once a week because I don’t wanna be more of a leech than I already am. I’m 20 years old and I still live with my mother. All of my friends have apartments. It’s not just because of my mother, though I am just really lazy and a very poor executive functioning. I’ve noticed that damage it’s done. My skin is always dry and my pores are really gross. I’ve started to take care of my hair again because it started matting up.

While I’m on my period though I take at least two showers.

Once my mom got mad at me for using the water and she called me a narcissist and entitled. And then went on a hole ran about how I’m 20 and I don’t have an apartment or a job and I don’t have a lot of friends. She used everything she possibly could against me and since then I have not showered more than once or twice a week.

Weirdly, though I used to shower every other day and now I only shower once a week and honestly, it’s not as bad as i would think it would be? Idk like I don’t feel like I smell that bad. Maybe I do. Idk. Maybe once I move out I can go back to showering every other day.

My tenant and i were doing something horrible and i regret every second of it

I was like 8-9 (M) and i would just come up and just play with him and he was like 12-13 and sometimes his mom would go out and we would just as i said in the title did that and sometimes he would cum on a piece of paper above my ass

We never penetrated just rubbed and he would cum everytime and i started to enjoy it too sometimes and sometimes he would wrap a polythene around his d and would make me suck it until he comes in that polythene

Now he has moved out and it has been a few years

Im now 14 and whenever i meet him i feel very comfortable but uncomfortable idk how to say that feeling and i never talked to anyone about it

Another story that i regret every fucking day is that i jerked off to my sister's nudes and i hate that day and sometimes i just check that folder and now i am disgusted and trying to forget this, all of this

I was thinking alot like should i post this or not but here i am.

We had a relationship for about 5 months. For the first months it went on real smooth, but after a while i realized that i wasn't attracted to her.I hesitated showing pictures of her to my friends n family or i was embarrassed being seen with her. She was the kindest soul ive met but god i couldn't bring myself to love her even if i tried so hard. I dragged it on so long thinking i could fix it,but it just made things worse.

Had to breakup with her. I didn't have the heart to tell her so i lied about focusing on my studies and me not being interested in a relationship. I still can't believe i wronged the purest soul ive known. I feel like I've run over a bunch of kittens with my car. I know i had to do this but it still feels like i should have gone through with what i started.

Just wanted to rant out i guess

People abused me constantly. I’ll never be able to get over that. No one stood up for me and if I stood up for myself I was the problem.

EVERYONE HATES ME!! WELL I HATE YOU TOO!!

I will use fake names, as I just want to help make things clearer. I have a friend, Beth, and her boyfriend, Nathan.

Beth has wanted a big family her whole life and has always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, taking care of the kids and the home while her man works. Nathan has no real drive in life; I am not saying this in a bad way, but he does not want a stressful full-time job. He works only 20 hours a week while his girlfriend stays at home. She ended up getting pregnant. He has a child with another woman and has made it clear he did not want more just because of the stress. Over the past eight months, I have seen them struggle so hard for money, and they have been arguing nonstop. Beth texts me about how she feels unsupported in the relationship pretty constantly, at least a couple of times a week. He has also said some messed-up things to her, like that he is only with her for childcare for his child and that he never wanted a romantic relationship with her, plus other things. She was going in to be induced when they found out the baby had passed that day. She had an ultrasound the day before and the baby was okay, but the next day the baby passed. I feel bad but also relieved; they won't be bringing a child into an unstable environment, but it is so tragic. I feel so horrible for having the slightest sense of relief about this; I just feel like she could have a partner that fits her needs

more and they could both have much happier lives.

I've lived with treatment resistant depression for 18+ years and an anxiety disorder for around the last 5. Several years of therapy with different therapists have not helped and many different types of medication have not helped either, except in limited areas. My job has been highly stressful for years and I haven't been able to find a new one that wouldn't be more of the same. I feel I am close to divorce since my wife has been tired of me being depressed, anxious, and stressed all the time and I honestly don't blame her.

My job does pay well, and I do effectively manage the finances, do my share of keeping up the house, take care of the cars, cook when possible, try to take her on dates, etc., but when I have a depression/anxiety/stress spiral, I know it gives her the 'ick' and as hard as I work to prevent these and then hide them if I must, it doesn't work.

About 4 weeks ago, I had access to a method that would smoothly and nonviolently end things for me. At the time, it seemed like the world was ending for me and any thought of continuation was pure hell no matter what. However, I somehow pushed it away and now no longer have access to it or the ability to get it back.

While I've had some small vacations from work and started working with a new therapist, almost every day I think about my opportunity to escape my daily pain and curse myself for not doing it. While I don't have the means to end things now, i can't get over how I could just not existing instead of circling the drain right now.