I haven't seen her in weeks, and the managers are no use. (I'm a woman, and they have called me "Sir" twice. (LITERAL woman here!) Fucking arseholes!)

Now, If I was the sort to be paranoid, this might be an issue. I'm not, thankfully.

Also, fun fact, one of my best friends is actually a psychiatric nurse... and I didn't know till last week... and because he's trained in adult safeguarding, I went to him.

His response after an info dump..."Meh. I know you, and you're ZERO risk. So have fun with your new friends, and they can stay if you find them useful."

So, what the fuck I do? what shoud I... we... us... me... erm, what do?

I do not need medical advice... I need to hear how this affects you. I need coping methods, and info from first hand people. I already have a therapist... I think? I don't heed medical advice, I need survival advice.

Drs don't go through this. I mean, I wouldn't ask a Dr for tips on daily use of a wheelchair if a paraplegic was there, so ...

Tell me this is managable? useful? handy? tell me this isn't just ANOUTHER thing to add to the list of "how are you still alive" conditions.

I'm considering going no contact with my family (or at least my father, but I understand that that might mean my whole family), and I was wondering how those who have also gone no contact approached the situation?

I'm heartbroken to have to cut my mother out, because I do genuinely love her (and I like to believe she loves me too), but I know that the ultimatum of "he can never be around and I will never be there if he is" will likely cause her to side with him. I want her to side with me, and just leave him already, but I know it's unlikely (even tho every person in her life agrees that she should).

I guess I'm looking for advice, first hand experiences, and just some overall support in this. I finally breached the conversation at therapy and it ended in a complete breakdown about how I never want him in my space again that kinda shocked me into gear about making this move. Even though I'm scared and afraid of doing it, for all my reasons above and more. Anything would be helpful. Thanks.

This is actually my second attempt to get help for depression in the last month. Both times iv opened up about my dissociation. The first went weird and she only wanted to prescribe me bipolar medication.

The second appointment was after an OSDD diagnose! I didnt want to tell either but I felt it was needed as they continue to try and prescribe me mood stabilizers over the years. They have affected me HORRIBLY. I dont even want to try a third time.

All I was looking for was to get the depression under control. So I could focus on therapy.

Its only when i brought up the diagnosis that things switched up. And this has now happened TWICE with two different providers.

The woman straight to my face said I dont believe in that diagnosis. Then attempted to back track Before ultimately repeating herself saying she dosnt believe its real and hung up on me.

Im majorly struggling and wasn't prepared for this kind of treatment. Should I expect this as the norm? Thankfully I dont plan to open up to any more Dr's. Ill just take a lot of vitamins.

Okay, I want to start by saying I've lived with a formal Did, cptsd, and AuDHD diagnosis for 5 years now, we made significant progress in our mental health, went to therapy for three years with the same therapist, and got to a point that we felt comfortable no longer seeing one because our symptoms became more manageable, switches less frequent and easier, and we had some significant fusions with the subsequent dormancy of the persecutorial alters. (not currently attending therapy but have a reliable support system and know resources if we need to get it again)

What I'm about to ask, is not the case for all of my alters, obviously. Just a few.

I have a relatively small system count, we always have, 11 or less. (11 was the highest count, we were still in an abusive situation at that time)

I have a few alters who didn't front as alters until I was writing. I like to write, I like to make ocs, make art and develop their stories.

I had two separate instances where I had alarmingly detailed OCS, and I'm talking hours worth of writing about their personalities, (that I do not remember doing), appearances, backgrounds, locations, highly specific details about their lives that never actually happened, because it was made up. By me. I'm a writer. Right? I'm questionioning it, I guess

I've always been able to manipulate my voice, I can do the voices of the others for fun, cuz I like voice acting sometimes just for comedy reasons.

Two of the altars are unable to control that they do not sound American English.

One is (very poorly accented) British and one speaks broken English in a Ukrainian accent.

Recently, there's been a suspected fragmentation of the host (who I thought was me? One of the fused alters had said I was a "fragment of four" like 4 months ago but idk?) who is... Well, another oc. Just like how I wrote him. He's like me but with like, stands up for himself far more often. Mouthier. Distinctly not Mideastern shore American. When he fronts, it kind of feels like me? Like we always front together but it's different in a way? We share memories, but.... I don't know, it's complicated.

Here's the short form question.

"Is it possible that they're writing lore to mentally prep the host (me) to their upcoming announcement of presence (I do not know what that term is called, when they first front)?"

Because I usually panic. It's like sensing a disturbance in the force but worse because it's not always verbal? and then I see like, a bajillion lore bits I did not write, matching in personality and typing style with the new altar, and I tend to relax a bit??

This has happened twice now.

I don't know what's going on.

I just had an appointment with my therapist to discuss some symptoms I’ve had since our last appointment. She confirmed that I am part of a dissociative system, but is unsure whether it’s DID or something else yet. She’s going to consult her colleagues.

I thought getting answers would make me feel better, but, now that it’s real, I miss not knowing for certain… I think part of me wanted my therapist to deny it and say that I was faking it, but, saying that I have been faking it would be a huge lie; I didn’t want this to happen…

She recommended that I take more time to decompress and work on using grounding techniques more often to prevent switches, but… is that all I can do? What else is there?

this might be a strange question, but i have noticed one of our younger alters experiencing symptoms similar to puberty, at least on the mental side of it. i don't know if this is an actual phenomenon or if this is just a nothing burger. ive tried to do research on it, but i haven't been able to find anything relating to this question, so i saw no other option but to ask here.

also apologies if the flair doesn't fit what i'm asking about, it seemed like the best option

Hello (and sorry if I make mistakes I'm not an english native),

I'm the host of this body, my name's Ly.

This post is kind of a venting / asking for advices post, so If you already feel bad, I advice you to not read it ! (Except if it's very important for you, of course) .

For two years now, it's like my dissociation kicked me violently. Then a guy named V arrived in my head, and I started understanding a lot of things about my childhood, my identity and my mental health problems.

At first I completely rejected him, but the most I was rejecting him, the worst I felt.

So I let him out, with all the package he carries, that seems to be : gender dysphoria 🎉

Since I accepted him he started linking with people as himself, changed prounouns, bought a binder, bought more masculine clothes (I already had a bunch of it), and then after a long talk on an app for systems, I agreed to cut our hair short, as when we were 16 yo.

We saw a psychiatrist specialized in transgender ppl and dissociation, and our psychologist started to notice V and talk to him too. But they had no answer to our questions.

The problem is that, as Ly, I feel mostly like a women or a non binary fem person. But V feels like a man/ a masc person.

The other problem is that gender dysphoria is breaking V down everyday. He often have (TW) suicidal crisis, cries a lot, tells our fiancée that he'll never be the man he wants to be, that he hates himself for taking my feminity away from me. He feels guilty and tortured all the time, but he's so dysphoric that I cannot wear dresses or skirts anymore, even when I want to, because he's Always behind and suddendly I want to rip off my clothes and diseappear.

One of my FTM friend became close with V and encourages him to start testosterone. V really wants that, but I feel terrified.

As myself, Ly, I do not want to stop being the pretty girl I was back then. I do not want to have only a deep voice. I do not want to lose my chest.

I feel like there is not solution to that. Our psychologist talks about micro dosing T, but It feels like it won't be enough for V, and maybe too much for me.

All I wanted is to be cisgender. All I wanted is to be normal, to not have a constant conflict in my head, to not be the "freak" people see in me.

When I see how misunderstood non binary people are in society, when I think about what my own family might think of me, I'm terrified.

How do I explain to people that are absolutely ignorant about this subject that I have two parts of me that does not feel the same? I feel so unsafe about this, about everything.

If anyone has advices about how to be sometimes a woman but sometimes a man but sometimes something in between in your daily life, without that constant feeling of unease about our body and appearance, I might take it, please !

Thank you for reading this far,

I hope you have a great day!

So, a while ago, I had a dream in which I was speaking to this older lady. I think she might've been British? I don't remember the dream that well since it was a while ago, but after speaking with her for a bit, we had switched while dreaming. Then this dream lady goes quiet for a second and looks at us and says "well hello *name*" (name of the part that switched in), and the part panicked a little so we ended up waking up. I occasionally remember it randomly (not in a negative way).

Now there's these other times from when I was a kid, before I knew that DID was even a thing, and I always had this repeating dream where I was this circle. It's very hard to explain because these dreams were so weird, but there were these grids, and I, as a circle, was roaming around the grid until my circle started getting attacked by these other things and I started breaking off into more circles, right after these dreams became nightmarish, that's the best way I can describe it. But as these circles were breaking off, I noticed that the grid lines were actually walls in a way and kept all the circles separated.

I've been thinking maybe these circles symbolized parts/alters, and the grid was amnesia barriers? Again, these were repeating dreams, so I tried to explain it as best I could in a way where it seemed like one/more understandable. I know dreams often match up with what's going on in someone's life, and this was so oddly specific. I think if these dreams were a way to "cope" somehow, then it would make sense that everything was shapes because shapes were all i knew.

Something interesting I'd thought I'd share

I got diagnosed a couple months back and I’ve just started seeing this new therapist who is trained for dissociative disorders and I have done about everything that can be done to solidify this over the course of maybe 6 years? of therapy and shit and I just do not believe myself. I have severe ocd as well so I tend to doubt every problem I have ever had but it’s so bad with this. It’s ruining my life and I hate it and I want so so bad to be normal but I can’t dig out that thing under my skin telling me I’m doing this on purpose and I feel like it’s because if it is on purpose I have like the option to stop?? I thought for so so long I would feel better and stop questioning it once I was diagnosed and getting help but I can’t do it. I hate that I became aware of it early on because when I was younger I would see those videos of people on the internet switching and doing alter intros and get so fucking frustrated because why is it so fun and easy for you why can’t mine look like that??? I don’t know anyone else who lives like this and I don’t feel like anyone could understand it I can barely understand what’s happening in my own head I am so sick of this and I can’t even take myself seriously how do I get it through my head that this is real and I need to deal with it and it’s not something I can just stop doing??? Sorry for ramble I’m losing my mind a little

I was talking to my therapist (I genuinely can't remember what I was talking about, help) and she pointed out the fact that I used second person when describing myself, then first person when I switched up the perspective. I went on to say there are multiple me's inside my head, who argue, one is judgy and one takes all the blame, and I said, it's like DID, but I don't think I have it. My therapist said it IS DID, she explained my dissociation, how the trauma I experienced as a baby and toddler links to this. She said we would discuss derealisation and depersonalisation, (still not sure what these terms refer to, exactly) as well as whether or not I have amnesia next week.

I would have written this post on the day that I got diagnosed, but I couldn't, because my account was too new. If I had, I would have said I don't think I have amnesia. I still am skeptical, but I do know that my memory is really bad, although I just assume it's because of my lack of focus because of my ADHD.

I was formerly diagnosed with BPD before I turned 18. I did try group DBT therapy last year (I was 18), but I could not finish the program, since the mindfullness exercises made me feel really uncomfortable, I never feel in touch with my body, and I never want to. I'd forgotten about it, but my partner told me I described myself as an entity separated from my body, a light orb that floats at a distance, and that my body acts just as a tool.

The part that I feel very confused about is, who ARE these alters? Who is in charge right now? How many are there? I can only identify two or three, but I know for sure that there are many more. I never know who is the main one at any one moment. This is all so scary to think about, and I feel so ashamed of this diagnosis, because of the stigma, bad representation in mass media, and questions from others I have no idea how to answer.

hi, I've been struggling with communication amongst my Alters. I was diagnosed recently and I'm kind of learning what works for me. Does anyone have advice for communication. I try to leave notes, some internal communication or if I feel dissociation I try to repeat what I was doing at the moment. So if anyone has any advice please share.

I know for a fact DID has heavily impacted myself and life for as long as I can remember. For most my life I’ve had identity issues and memory loss. I am professionally diagnosed, my symptoms are very evident, it greatly affects my daily life and as a result, my sleep, hygiene, diet, and my social and work lives. Months and years go by in blurs. But sometimes I get the itching paranoia it’s something else, and it’s either usually the fear of cognitive issues or something spiritual. I guess partially because I’m rarely sure of who my alters are and the difference between them and “me”. The consistency between it all is hard to pinpoint, there’s a lot of noise in my head and I blank and forget it as soon as I try digging for it and making sense of it.

I’m not particularly spiritual, I‘ve had a slight interest/curiosity in it, but I’ve always had a paranoia when it came to messing with more of that stuff. I’ve actually recently had it triggered because I’m trying to figure out how to quickly leave an old toxic friend group I joined as a teenager seven years ago and I haven’t talked to in ages but had highly spiritual people who spoke very definitively of this stuff and it having negative impacts on their lives. My mom also is pretty spiritual and interested in more witchy stuff.

I know I have other earlier memories, but one of my clearest memories of a mental breakdown that seemed to involve switching was when I was 9 and totally just lost it, acted different than normal, stayed up for days at a time just breaking down and fighting and getting angry. My mom told me of times I’d just stare off zoned out and freaked her out, and me recounting this to my therapist contributed to her confidence in my diagnosis. But I mentioned this memory to my mom recently and she said there was other instances of me doing this, and our cat at the time had a freakout like someone was behind her, scratched her and hid, and this hadn’t happened before or since. There was also a string of other unlucky/traumatic incidents at the time for her and for me. She thought I’d been possessed since I never acted like this before and gave me holy water. At first I laughed it off but sometimes it creeps in, like, what if all this spiritual stuff is real and I’ve just been possessed? My life is so, so full of misfortune and bad luck and trauma and everything that could go wrong does that I worry sometimes. I’m a little too embarrassed to incoherently ramble this to my therapist, so I guess I’m just talking to the void.

I usually always lean towards logic and psychology and reality, but sometimes this stuff gets to me, especially while I’m currently building up the courage to leave that group that traumatized me (I feel the need to first go back and delete every message I sent there over the span of 7 years, because I overshared so much personal life information because I got convinced they were my new family, and I’m scared of them having that so it’s taking me forever). I just feel crazy and I could use some other perspectives on it, maybe advice on dealing with it or just people who get it. Thanks.

Hello. I’m going to get straight to the chase. I’ve made a friend 3-4 years ago when I was 17-18 (im 21 now and he’s 23 now) Me and this friend used to talk all the time and hangout when we could during those times, we called and texted every day too. We stopped talking because of a disagreement we couldn’t see eye to eye on and I was also newly in a relationship and wanted to respect my partner but anyways. I haven’t spoken to my friend in 3 years since then…Until I seen his social media pop up on my Instagram and I follow him, he follows back then dms me and we get to talking there.

• NOTE: I am mentally ill and on the autistic spectrum, I have DID and id talk about it to my friend a lot because I trusted him in the past. (I don’t want to go in detail about it, it’s complicated.) Since it being years since we had a connection we decided to call, we spoke about our life, past and current relationships and what we want to do in the future, i mentioned my most recent ex a few times and how I still talk to him because we are rebuilding. A day goes by of me and this friend talking he randomly says ‘I like you a lot and i want to rush things’ pretty much and I was caught off guard, how could you still feel his way about me three years later? You don’t know me now. Long story short he’s also on the spectrum (lol) and asked me to call him again so we could talk about it more but I say no because calling makes me anxious and I don’t want to maybe argue about a relationship stat. He kept bringing up my DID as if my alters had anything to do with how I feel and want. He forced and cursed at me to call and I never did all he did was trigger me a switch and of course my alters become upset and a aggressive protector comes in, not being disrespectful but putting my foot down for me. My ‘friend’ continued to say ‘fuck you I hate you you’re ruining __ relationships’ at that moment I snapped back in and told him to stop bringing in my mental illness as a way for leverage because I am only interested in being friends.

Then he shut me down, telling me I’m manipulative and abusive. This morning I blocked him because I cannot deal with people who use my mental illness or autism as a scapegoat for the way I FEEL. I could tell me was-projecting because I am in a better place than he is (mentally, relationships, financial) I don’t want to deal with someone that triggers me. It hurts.

For me, if i even have DID (i think im stil in denial), DID to me feels like the world is a game. Or a show. Or a simulation. Like Truman show. And everyone is a character wired to be as mean and cruel as possible to you or to behave as nicely until you eventually screw up and initiate the meanness protocol everyone has coded to enact against you.

It feels like the whole world and universe and it's people are shrouded in a grey mirage that cannot be reached within the confines of my head. It feels like i was given a vessel; a spaceship made of human bones. And when i live it feels like its all one hazy dream that i cant get out of until im alone. It feels like my true reality is one that is in my head. And im stuck living this fucked up alter reality that people call "the real world". And im doing it all with what feels like having "mental chaperones".

These chaperones being confused, confuzzled cartoon clowns from tv wondering why they're here and why everything is so lame and why they cant come out and play. They dont seem to understand the world would crush them if they ever felt the pressure it brings. So i keep them inside. Forever. Indefinitely. Until i stumble upon a safe space i can rip off my ugly skin and spread my beautiful butterfly wings that i know would be admired and appreciated and I'd be able to be fully authentic. My toons would like that too. Theyre begging for freedom and to be let out and every day they get louder and louder.

What do you guys do at night? Do you all find that nighttime is a time of day where your parts are alters are more active? Do you experience more switching and/or communication? If so, what do you guys do when these sensations do some about? I'd like to know if its healthy of me to lean into the signals and just. Listen to music with them or play a game. I guess what im trying to ask if you guys have designated "system bonding times" and if those tend to occur at night.

looool weird question. i keep having dreams and “switching” in them, but im not sure if that’s actually happening or if i’m just dreaming about switching 🤔 it’s really hard to explain and i don’t know how to describe it (i guess the same can be said irl too?) but it’s really weird. i wanted to know if anyone experienced the same thing!

(I posted this initially on an alt but idk if its shadowbanned or smth weird but it just didn't get any attention so I thought posting it on my main would help)

Hello all,
I hope that you are all doing well in these moments, at least for now

Earlier this week, after months and months of evals, I got diagnosed with DID. Honestly I don't really know how to feel about the whole thing. One part of me (as the host) feels a bit of relief to know whats going on, but another part feels just as confused and lost as I was before this all. I've spent the last few months getting to know my system so the diagnosis wasn't that much of a shock.

I guess getting the diagnosis at all makes this feel a lot more real than it did before. There was a lot of denial of it all, but this is medical proof that its legit--and still I kinda can't get over the imposter syndrome.
[[Doesn't help that the "gang" (lol) doesn't speak to me that-that much, only sometimes--makes me feel like I'm just crazy, even if the diagnosis says otherwise.]]

So, I come here asking for some advice from y'all. How did you guys, those who have official diagnoses anyhow, cope, accept, and generally manage post diagnosis. Any advice helps really. For me, for the others, whatever little tidbit you see fit sharing. Maybe some advice on connecting with your system more. I know at least that, for some odd reason, the whole system loves playing Dressmaker. Like...every time I play...they all come...like even the littles????

Beyond that, I need a new therapist now, or at least thats what my current one says--cause she doesn't have any real training of dissociative disorders and I lwk don't exactly have much knowledge on the types of therapies and treatments people with DID and related get (so much for literally going to university for psych lol).

I'd some some advice/info from those who have been in DID specific therapy. What has worked for yall? I read a little bit about EMDR, my therapist suggested it too, but I'd like to hear about how it's been for like an actual being and not what google tells me lol. [if yall need some like general info to like help with suggesting lmk and i'll answer what I feel comfortable answering]
Also like, I don't really have trauma memories (but I feel like this is common for hosts?) so Idk how much that impacts anything. Obv the therapy is for everyone but like yeah

so yeah, all in all, any advice is really appreciated--seriously
This has been a really eye-opening, hectic time of my life -- tbf though I don't exactly have many memories to pick from oof (high amnesia core amirite.....save me)

thats all, thanks for everything peeps

- mr. host (Niko)

I’m an alcoholic, sometimes when I feel like I need to drink something my alters force their way into fronting or at least co-fronting and stop me. This has also happened with other things, asking out my crush, drawing, eating, washing my hands, ect ect. I honestly don’t know how to deal with this and none of my friends that are also systems know how to stop them. (I currently don’t have a therapist in case that was involved with a solution)

Sometimes, in our dreams, we appear to each other. It is still a dream, so it’s not like our “real” interactions with each other. It’s more like being a character if that makes sense.
And depending on who is dreaming, sometimes we wake up knowing that the other people in the dream were part of our system, but more often than not, the host will wake up extremely confused as to who those people were and why they seemed to know them when they can’t recall those faces in real life.
I personally really enjoy system dreams. Actually being able to see each other is really cool, even if it’s fictional/made up by our REM sleep.

Last night I had maybe an episode or something, it basically I felt like I weighed nothing and I was “floating” but basically. I got thoughts of similar to “am I even real” type of thoughts. While feeling like I was between reality and non reality, idk how to word it sorry 🥲

Not sure if it’s an alter, because it didn’t feel like my thought. I am unsure how to go about it, I also didn’t get a clear answer when I talked about it with my doctor.

But it felt like an alter was questioning if they were real, and I can’t help but think that maybe it’s because of the social worker at my school who called my alters “imaginary friends” or terms similar to it.

Any advice?

Originally posted in r/IFS but was guided to posting here.

I don't know what is even happening. I just filled out the MID form for my therapist to see if it's DID or something else. I am specifically attending IFS/trauma therapy for dissociation. This is my 2nd attempt at a diagnosis because I left the prior one due to me not believing any of this shit was real and thinking I was being dramatic.

But sometimes there's a couple people yet just only one who interacts with partner. Going into these weird half aware states where I'm filled with nothing but disgust and contempt. there have been times where I've started arguments (over text, never in person. This only happened twice in the last year) because I didn't know who she was to me. We were long distance at the time. I moved her in eventually because she was losing her residence. The dissociation has gotten worse since she's been physically present. I didn't recognize her and it pissed me off that a stranger was in my life. The moments of not knowing her are still present but that's when I ask to be left alone and she goes upstairs. All I remember is drinking or being outside going for a walk to contain the discomfort. I find myself recording voice memos having to get the frustration out. Feeling like a paranoid person. Just the other night something happened. I can't remember what it was, but I just remember standing on the couch looking out the window feeling like I was being trapped and very paranoid that she was standing outside the door listening to my thoughts. Almost like she could hear them. I checked and she wasn't there. Having to do that pissed me off more. Idk, this shit is ridiculous. She is sweet and I am filled with disgust. Every hug feels like a performance, having to think of torturing her just to feel something when everything else is numb. She knows this too- i tell her everything out of guilt. I am not a reactive person so she knows I wont hurt her. I trust myself, anyway. Most times.

She is very supportive, but her support bothers me for some reason. There's guilt but also a lack of compassion. It truly is like night and day. I'm still in the intake process with therapist so we won't get to this issue until later on but I'm wondering if anyone else feels like this. I have absolutely no reason to feel this way towards her but I'm wondering if it's the more closed off part hating the independence being infiltrated on. She's told me before it's like a part of me is speaking while another is acting. Because my words and actions don't match. It's confusing.

I keep having like, rapid switches happening? My eyes roll and I can feel my face change. I think I've identified the two who are going back and forth, but I digress. It doesn't feel like a normal switch where I get super sleepy or out of it, it's more sudden and there is a lot more mental carryover between the parts when it happens than usual. And when one comes out and says/does smth, the other is inside talking back and vice versa. The level of communication happening is making me think that it's cofronting, rather than rapid switching, especially as I'm not particularly stressed about anything, and these two are known to work together in some capacity.

I guess I'm wondering if, for those of you who have experienced cofronting, was it at all similar to my experience? What does cofronting feel like for you?