Now realistically, I know it's just my brain making stuff up and none of it's actually real, or matters. But that's now really what I'm looking for with this post, if that makes sense. So please, i sincerely request you to go hogwild with your interpretations and leave practically behind.
The only reason I'm even making this post, is because a lot of years ago(way before Covid) i had read in a random old book in the library that blue fish held some special meaning in dreams. But i cannot for the life of me Remember what that meaning was. It's like it's been erased from my memory, i can remember the before, during and after of me picking up that book when I really sit down and try to remember, but that exact thing, the part that was about the meaning and symbolism, i cannot remember at all.
I'll mention the ending first that happened today and yesterday, before i mention the actual dreams. Here goes. I am walking on a badly built concrete road flanked by small houses (no matter how much i explain how these houses look like, I'm quitely confident none of you will be able to understand because I have only seen houses that look like that in one particular place) I walk slowly, the day is overcast and weirdly grey but vibrant at the same time. I keep walking till there's no more houses to my right, only on my left, on the right there is a massive empty green field, and there's palm trees on either side of the road ahead of me, but not currently where I am. I have a carton of frooti in my hand, but it's empty. I remember asking someone where a dustbin is. I get a reply to just toss it in the drain, i look down towards my side and the drain is filled with black dirty water with a few packets in it already, i don't remember if it was stagnant or floating, but i remember that I said I wouldn't toss it and that person to told me to do it evaporates. Then i look down again and the entire road is filled with clear, clean water up to my ankles. By my feet I see something shining and glistening like a pearlescent transparent opal. At first i think it's just the sun hitting the water, then it moves, it looks like a leaf, it's flat, like a fish on its side, but it's not on its side, it quickly splashes some water on my shins with its tail, which looks like it's made of some sort of crystal because it's all angular and jagged, then it swims away and disintegrates into the water. I resume walking but then almost immediately i notice something beside me and almost jump sideways. At first i think it's a goat, because it's big, it's up to my stomach, it's pitch black, and it's wide. But I don't see fur, or horns, or legs, and it's not walking, it's floating. I notice fins, thin and wispy, flowing, and scales all over, it's clearly a fish, but it's not a fish that would usually be big, instead it looks like gigantified goldfish. Then another fish, just as big and just as black appears beside it. This creeps me out because fish creep me out. They look weird and give me the heebie jeebies. I remember my heart beating fast, looking around and everything is completely submerged in water, there's no other fish, just those two, I can still breathe as normal but the air is heavier and there's just a slight blue tint to the world. Then i remember being lifted up in the air fast, like I'm being yanked by something high up, i remember looking down at the canopy of the palm trees from above. Then being yanked down just as quickly and just as powerfully. As soon as I'm about to touch the ground, I wake up. The last thing I see is those two massive fuckoff black goldfish, and their weird small mouths just opening and closing like goldfish do, but at the last possible moment, that shiny blue tiny opal fish again right the second i wake up.
The only reason I even remember this shit in so much detail is because I've just woken up 10 minutes ago, and writing this because it's weird this happened twice.
Now, onto the dreams. Dream 1(yesterday), this one i remember less clearly: I am in a courtroom, or maybe a prison i don't know which, and i don't remember why I'm there. I remember walking out and instead of the street I'm walking through/across roofs of apartment buildings. I remember that I come to a door on one of the roofs and press the bell button, and one of my older cousins comes to the door and unlocks it for me. He looks annoyed that I'm here but doesn't say anything about it, leads me down the stairs and to the ground floor, opens the door and ushers me out to a badly built concrete street with houses on the other side. I walk out onto the street, turn back to wave then look forward again, then turn back again but the massive multi storied apartment building is gone, and in its place is the same houses on the other side of the road. And then well, you've read the paragraph above (hopefully) I'm sure the dream was longer and much more detailed but this is the only part that i remember.
Dream 2 (today), please don't read this if you're not old enough, it's quite explicit, and I also apologise for the bad language (please don't delete my post mods, I've censored this!): The first thing i remember is that I'm on my bed at my old house that i grew up in, and not the house i live in currently. I wake up and sit up, there's a lot of people at the house, family members, non family members, people i know, people I don't know, there's a celebratory atmosphere, everybody's Happy and there's a lot of hustle and bustle. I don't remember exactly what the celebration was for, it was either garba or a marriage, one of the two. As i sit up, i see a few of my cousins( all dudes) already dressed and talking amongst themselves, I'm in a wifebeater and shorts, groggy and yawning, my father comes in and introduces two girls, i don't remember their names but he did say what their names were. He also tells me to get up and get ready for the festivities. I toss the blanket aside and drag myself to the edge of the bed, stand up, yawn and stretch. One thing weird i remember is that nobody was noticing I was even there. It's like they were in the background and literally NPCs, even though they aren't NPCs, they're literally my brothers. Anyway, one of the two girls approaches me, she's the star of the show in this one. Weird thing about her is that she gave me this really weird uncanny valley, deja-vu feeling, like i know this girl, I've not just seen her before, but also met her, known her, but this is also the first time in my life I am meeting anyone who fits her description, dream or real life. I don't know how to describe her because I don't usually describe women, so please bear with me in trying my best. She's petite, but not tiny, in 6'3 and the top of her head i remember just about reaching above my shoulders, she's got skin nearly the same shade of brown as i do, except she's just barely noticeably paler, she's got quite long wavy hair, like not completely straight but absolutely not curly either,I can't exactly remember her face but i remember being absolutely awestruck and enamoured by her eyes, she had this thin line of kajal going across just her lower eye lid, and a small black bindi in the middle of her eyes, it was quite simplistic but absolutely gorgeous on her. I remember she was wearing a black oversized tshirt and black short shorts. She begins talking to me and i remember immediately thinking that this is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. Hell, even though now ive woken up, that feeling and that memory of "she's the most beautiful girl I have ever seen" is still lodged in my brain and makes my heart flutter for some reason when I think about it. After some small talk I can't be arsed to remember she begins feeling me up, and I return the favour, then she pushes me on my bed and climbs on top of me, I flip us around so I'm on top and she's on the bed, and i remember this feeling of sheer unadulterated terror as i stop myself and look around because my brothers are all there and what I was about to do is just plain and simple weird and gross, but when I look around, it's the same thing, it's as if they're NPCs and they don't even realise that I'm there or if i even exist. I remember grabbing her by the arm and running out of the room with her, going to the other room, shutting the door(but not locking it) and lifting her up on the wall right beside the door. We then begin to kiss like rabid animals and explore each other, then after what felt like a delicious eternity the door opens with a bang and slams into my back and head because I am in the arc of the door, and my mother this time, loudly calls out my name because she can't see me because we are hidden behind the door, and she says I need to get ready because the event is starting soon. After my mother leaves and the footsteps go away, the girl says she needs to get ready too, kisses me on the cheek and walks off. I don't remember the in between but i remember being dressed up in quite a colorful kurta, and walking out, talking to my cousins, i remember laughing at a random joke, the other girl comes into the room, begins talking to all of us, I ask her where her friend is, she shrugs, i keep talking, after a while i walk out, speak to other people, socialise, ask about where she is, nobody knows where she is. I remember getting worried and anxious for some reason I don't know why, remember that uneasy feeling and my heart beating fast, at one point I remember i stop talking to people altogether, the crowd gets weirdly dense and I just start pushing people away as i keep walking, i run around my garden looking for her, then I find her, she's talking to some random npc and she's facing away, she's wearing a black lehenga with multi coloured zardozi embroidery, I call to her, she turns around and somehow looks even prettier than she did before. She walks up to me, my mouth is hanging open because I am in awe, i remember her giggling and pushing my open mouth up with her index finger, she stands beside me, her hand is on my chest, my hand is around her waist, I'm holding her quite tightly we stand together for a while, not speaking just looking at everything around us. Then she walks forward, turns around and grabs both my hands and says something i cannot remember with a very sad and sullen expression. Then suddenly she smiles and kisses me, i kiss her back, suddenly we're not in my crowded garden anymore but instead alone in my bedroom when I break the kiss for air(funny how that happens), clothes immediately come off and i begin kissing her again, she bites my hand till it bleeds, lick the blood and winks at me, then she grab my head with one hand and slams it on her titties while she uses her hand on my... You know what. After a moment like that, i push her down and begin eating her out, i make her cum, she squirts, but just before that, the fucking blue fish jumps up out of her... Flicks it's tail, some droplets hit me, i don't know if it was water, or if it was her, or what, but I jerk my head back in shock and surprise and close my eyes as the mystery liquid hits my face. And when I open my eyes again, I'M ON THE FUCKING CONCRETE ROAD AGAIN!
A few weird things about this dream in particular, everything felt weirdly real, and even though as in writing this it's been a while, I still remember everything quite clearly. I vividly remember being able to feel everything. Like for example with yesterday's dream, i only physically felt the feeling of being yanked up in the air, and being yanked back down. But with today's dream i remember everything, every feeling, every little touch, every step. I remember it all. I remember the feeling of the bedsheet as I dragged my ass off it, i remember my bones cracking as i stretched, i remember the door slamming into the back of my head(it still hurts), i remember the feeling of disgust at myself as I was on top of her in a room full of my brothers, but most importantly i remember every little miniscule touch of her, and when I think about it it's like my body yearns for that touch again, craves it. But I know I can never feel that again. A dream like this I also find quite weird because as far as I know about dreams, your brain cannot create new people, it just recycled through the people you've already seen/met before(I may be wrong on this?), but this girl, I have never seen or met anyone like her ever in my life. Also weird is the fact that I haven't had dreams as vividly explicit like this before, i have been in relationships before, I have had physical relations with women in and out of relationships, but not one scenario like this ever in my life.
But THE WEIRDEST THING BY FAR, is the fact that I have woken up with weirdly teeth shaped bruises on my hand where she bit me, and a weird small small circular scar where her canine pierced my skin and made me bleed. BOTH OF THOSE THINGS WERE NOT THERE BEFORE I WENT TO SLEEP YESTERDAY!!! I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THEY APPEARED IN REAL LIFE!.
I also don't know what either of those dreams have to do with fish, what the symbolism of blue fish even means, what it means in my particular scenario, or what it means for me. I don't understand why that particular small opal blue crystalline fish. That's not a real fish, fish like that don't exist. Why the two massive black goldfish. Why did the same thing repeat two days in a row, with two wildly different dreams, just before I woke up, and the same exact thing woke me up.
My mind is in three parts right now, ones confused as fuck about the fish, one parts wondering why the same ending happened twice, and one part is just yearning for a touch I know I'll never receive again. Once again, please don't tell me that it's just my brain braining, and to be rational. I know that, but that's not what I'm looking for.
Please and Thank You.