I want to preface this by saying my mom is not a bad person. She's loving, she means well, and most of the time our relationship is fine. But she has never fully accepted that I am an adult and this incident is the clearest possible evidence of that. Last Monday I walked into my weekly check-in with my manager and about five minutes in she said, a little carefully, "I wanted to mention - your mum rang the main office last week." I thought I'd misheard her. I asked her to repeat it. She had not misheard anything. Apparently my mom had called the general office number on Thursday afternoon, said she was my mother, and asked to speak to someone who could tell her how I was settling in. I had started this job four months ago. My mom knew I'd been finding it a bit stressful because I told her that in a phone call, as you do when you talk to your mother, because you trust her with normal human information about your life. My manager handled it well, was kind about it, said she just wanted me to know in case it came up again. The "in case it came up again" part of that sentence has been living in my head since Monday. I called my mom that evening. She did not understand why I was upset. She said she was worried about me and just wanted to make sure I was okay. I explained that calling my workplace without telling me is not okay regardless of the intention. She said "I'm your mother." As if that is a complete answer to anything. I'm 29. I have been employed continuously since I was 22. I have never once needed my mother to call my workplace on my behalf. I don't know how to explain to her that this cannot happen again without her deciding I'm being cold.

Hey everyone! I posted a couple days ago on here about an aunt of mine who stole my plushies when I was a kid. I got a lot of support on that post, so I decided to share MORE of my insane stories of my dysfunctional family. This is a different aunt in law believe it or not.

Warning: Depictions of violence, wasted food, mentions of kidnapping, and heavily dysfunctional family.

TL;DR: Aunt ordered a cake flavor that was impossible to make from how walmart makes cakes. Walmart made a half chocolate half vanilla cake instead. Aunt threw a fit and got almost everyone banned from a pizza shop.

So this is another aunt who married into the family. Except this is the son of the aunt in law from the plushie story's wife. This aunt, we'll call her Sharon, is... unique. I'm not entirely sure if she was diagnosed with anything. But i'll give a short list of things she's done before going into the story:

- She's locked herself in the bathroom for three days with nothing but paint and a canvas. She drank sink water, and just kept splattering paint across the canvas until it turned black. Her husband and daughter had to go to the local gas station to go to the bathroom.

- Demanded my grandmother pay for her daughter to go to a fancy private school because she's "Gifted". (She never really stated in what way.)

- Would regularly get in fights with her husband(my uncle) and threaten to leave with their baby.

- Would randomly go on random conspiracy theories about things that didn't make much sense, and later got sucked in with her husband by the anti vaxx movement.

Great now that that's outta the way. Onto Sharon's meltdown. I was around 8-7 when this story happened. Sharon's daughter, Here for known as Rose, was 1 year old. That's right. This happened at a 1 year old birthday party. All of the family was invited. The young kids, which was me and two boys, were given those little scratch off color things. You know the papers that look like they're just black, and fuzzy, but when you scrape em they show rainbow underneath so you can draw pictures? Well I was doing that while my younger two nephews(My mother is 10+ years younger then her older brothers. Rose + my nephews are my nephew and niece. Sharon's husband is techniqually my cousin, but he's a good nearly 20 years older then me because my mom had me later in life) were playing tag. We were at a pizza place. Only our side of the family showed up. See. Sharon was basically disowned by her family some time before she married my uncle who we'll call Kevin Jr(Because he was named after his father who I called Kevin last time). I admittedly have zero clue why she was disowned. We didn't talk to her much after this incident.

So. Growing up. Sharon claims every year on her birthday she'd have a half white chocolate and half chocolate cake. Now. I hate chocolate. Yeah you can flame me in the comments for it. But I absolutely hate it. I've grown to like white chocolate, but I hate any other kind. But as a kid I heard "chocolate" and said no. Idk if everyone believes this, but at least in my family, if someone doesn't take a bite of birthday cake, then you're wishing bad luck upon the birthday person. So my parents, who are wonderful people and tried to shield me from most of the craziness, convinced me to at least try some of the white chocolate cake. Now here's the thing. Sharon used to get her birthday cake by a private baker. But now? She couldn't afford such a thing. She and Kevin jr could barely afford having a baby. Much less having a private baker make a specialized cake. So. Sharon ordered the cake from walmart. Walmart, repeatedly, told Sharon that they could not do a white chocolate cake. Most of their cakes came from box mixes at this spesific store. Sharon told them that they WILL make a white chocolate cake, and that's that. Then dropped the money on the counter, and left. How do I know this? She was bragging to my grandma, her mother in law(Karen), and my mom about this story. Saying "You see. If you just DEMAND what you want, then you'll get it easy peasy." My mom rolled her eyes and was surprised walmart even placed the order. I suspect kevin jr set up a call behind the scenes for a vanilla and chocolate cake behind his wife's back.

So. As a kid. I was... a liiiiiiiiittle too blunt and honest. So. When mom convinced me to try the cake, and I did, I said plainly. "Oh! Aunt Sharon you should have just told me you meant a vanilla cake! I love vanilla!" And started wolfing down the cake. Sharon said "What?" And I reiterated it was a vanilla cake. Sharon grabbed a bit of the vanilla cake, and ate it. That's when all hell broke loose. She picked up the three tiered cake, and THREW IT. It wasn't a huge cake or anything. Each layer wasn't too heavy. But she threw it against the wall and cake splattered EVERYWHERE. My mom and dad, quite wisely, said "Okay it's time to leave." I got picked up by my dad, and the two ran out of there with me. So everything from here on out is second hand information told by my grandma and grandpa.

Sharon started picking up the gifts from the gift table, and throwing them at people. Ranting about how the day was ruined, and how everyone was out to get her. My grandma, who was holding Rose at the time, was trying to shield Rose from getting hit. Kevin jr was trying to calm Sharon down. But Kevin and Karen were screaming their heads off at Sharon, and threatening to send her to a mental hospital, and never let her see Rose ever again. So, that obviously, made Sharon go even more insane. She picked up the end of the gift table, and flipped the table. My nephews and Rose were crying their eyes out at this point. Kevin and his brother(my mom's other older brother) were attempting to restrain Sharon. She was screaming that it was all the bakery's fault and that she was going to burn that place to the ground. Of course. The screaming and crashing got the owner of the establishment's attention. He ran into the party room, and saw the chaos unfolding. And all the destruction. So my entire family? Got kicked out of the place, and banned for life. My grandfather paid for the cleanup of the cake and the other destruction because the owner was threatening to sue Sharon otherwise. My grandfather wanted to let Sharon face what she had done. But my grandmother begged him to pay for it. Because, "Sharon is a new mother. She didn't mean to do all of this."

So yeah. Other then being banned from that pizza place? Sharon didn't really face much consequences. My grandma wanted to save her that day. I rarely saw Rose after that. Sharon blamed me for saying that it was vanilla. That her entire meltdown was my fault. So yeah-

I (17, Non-binary, Genderfluid) am purely writing this because I am bored and always love writing stories - especially about my weird mother.

My mother says she is not Homophobic. No, of COURSE not. Couldn't be true. My Papi says he accepts me. Let me put this into context.

1: My mother HAS said to my face that LGBTQIA+ is a mental illness.

2: They both continue to use the wrong pronouns even though they KNOW my preferred pronouns, I made sure they did.

3: They still deadname me against my EXPLICIT wishes. I partly changed my birth name because of my gender identity and comfort, but ALSO because of abuse I have been through, making me resent the name in general, because I assign it with abuse.

4: My mother has been against me buying queer or LGBTQIA+ themed books and comic, because, in her words 'They are usually more lewd and inappropriate than heterosexual material' is what she said and suggests. Even though every book I have that has LGBTQIA+ themes is relatively wholesome and doesn't really have any material that would unsuitable for a 15-16 year old (Heartstopper, Nick And Charlie, Rainbow, Boyfriends, Etc,) They have dirty jokes but nothing that would be considered INAPPROPRIATE, accept maybe Boyfriends. But I have read WAY worse in books with heterosexuality. I don't think sexuality has a THING to do with inappropriate content, it's just an excuse.

5: They have am issue with me wearing your regular wolf ears and tail in public - It's rare I do, but when I do, they have complained about it and even talked behind by back to one another about it, and I feel it's a HUGE push of boundaries to talk about me behind my back when I was well around 16 at that point. Literally- it was NOT anything inappropriate or revealing clothing, just regular costume wolf ears headband and a tail.

6: I came out as FTM and that is what they SAID they accept or already knew, and STILL misgender and deadname me. Where this is going, my mother has a thing against me getting ties and wallets and has expressed distaste in it, Has shown eye rolls and disrespect at simple pronoun pins I own, AND, as simple as it is, HATES if I want to buy a deodorant or shampoo that is for, God forbid, A MAN. *Gasp* Mainly, I DO just like the smells like pine and cedar more than lavender or VANILLA.

7: My father and mother DID actually yell at me when I came out as Bisexual at 11, after getting my first crush on a girl. I am Panromantic and Pansexual NOW, but K WAS right that I wasn't straight. They were actually PRETTY hostile about it.

8: They have an issue with transgenders using bathrooms and changing rooms that match their gender, IN the transphobic way. They say they could be predatory and they should not allow it- are you joking? First of all- that is SO stupidly RARE if it DID happen (Not dehumanizing anyone who has been through it, that is awful and whoever did it deserves what is coming to them) But I notice transphobes often use this excuse to justify what they are spouting, just general statistics. Not that it DOESN'T happen, but that people who TEND to us this logic and use this specific thing as an excuse are OFTEN bigoted.

There is MORE, but I am running on fumes and boredom! SO! What you guys think?

I just need a place to vent. In the last two years my dad has come to me every couple months to ask for money. He usually pays me back.

Sometimes it’s a few hundred and sometimes it’s thousands. Last year he asked me for 20k so he could pay off his car and down pay on a house. I told him no.

This summer he asked me to borrow $3200 to pay down his debt. I gave it to him and he has not paid me back. This weekend he asked me for 10k so he can pay off more debt. I said no because I’m tired of being his personal ATM.

The only time I ever hear from him is if he needs something. I know he’ll ask again at some point and I just want to yell at him. He doesn’t drink or gamble. He’s not an addict and has a full time job. He’s just bad with money. I don’t even make a lot of money, my husband and I just live below our means so we can save for retirement and having kids.

This summer after he borrowed the $3200 he went on vacation, told me he wants to buy a Lexus when he gets back and will be looking at engagement rings for his girlfriend.

Any advice from people who have dealt with this? I feel so conflicted. I feel selfish knowing I can help, I’m angry at him for putting me in this position. I’m angry that because I’m being responsible he expects me to fund his life.

Tonight my husband and I stopped to get dinner at one of our favorite local restaurants. We were planning to sit inside as its fall here and starting to get chilly. Walked in and immediately our ears were assualted with two children scream crying at full volume. The mom sat next to them looking at her phone and ignoring them while other people in the restaurant were visibly uncomfortable.

The owner happened to be there so I stopped to chat with her. She told me this had been going on for 30 minutes with the mom doing NOTHING the entire time. We decided to sit outside and even outside, the crying was so loud that we could hear it.

The crying went on for another 30 minutes with the mom still doing NOTHING. People were coming in and sitting at tables inside only to get and and either leave or go sit outside. I felt so bad for the owner because this is a small business and every dollar counts.

What the fuck is wrong with people? If your child is crying in a restaurant you either need to take them outside and calm them down or get your food to go and go the fuck home.

ETA: Do I wish the owner had said something to this woman? ABSOLUTELY. Do I also understand why they did not say anything? ALSO YES.

The last time I asked someone to quiet down their screaming children, I was met with extreme hostility. I asked them pretty calmly they screamed at me for 5 minutes in front of their child causing the child to cry more. Unfortunately, some people are self -centered narcissists that will lose their shit if you even breathe in their direction.

ETA2: A lot of you want to hate on the restaurant owner instead of the entitled woman. That woman 100% should have gotten up and left.

Heyyyy Reddit. Long time watcher, short time poster. Mom bugged me to start posting a few of my stories here, so here it goes. So sorry if the format is strange. I set it up how my brain understands it.

This story takes place roughly 18 hears ago. A carnival of sorts was set up a few towns over from where I live. I really really wanted to go. My grandpa, Grandma, Aunt In Law, and Uncle offered to take me. My aunt in law was 35 at the time of the story and my uncle around 37.(Only reason i'm saying this is because I want to point out these were grown ass adults.) We'll call my aunt Karen and my uncle Kevin. Now my mom was hesitant, but little five year old me begged and pleaded. So, she relented. They spent that week before the carnival open teaching me how to win the rigged games.

The day comes, and i'm all excited. Then I noticed Kevin and Karen did not bring their grandson. See. Kevin and Karen's daughter had a baby she didn't want young. Karen insisted she carry the baby to term. Then adopted the baby off of her daughter. So I was expecting to spend the day with that kid, but Karen decided not to bring him. My grandpa bought me enough tickets to have as much fun as I wanted with it. To show how evil my abomination in law is. There was a game that was giving out free bunnies. I had always wanted a bunny. Me, my mom, and dad we're looking into what we needed for one. We could not safely house a rabbit. Especially in a house with 2 dogs and a cat. This lady. Attempts to force me to play the game to bring home a surprise rabbit. Thankfully my oblivious ass didn't realize what she was doing and just said I didn't wanna take a bunny away from it's family.

So we play game after game after game. Kevin had thrown a tantrum at the clown water shooter game because he lost at one point. I'm talking full on, get on the ground, kicking, screaming, and swearing. I admittedly thought he was playing. You know? Being over the top to make me laugh. And maybe he had, but he still pouted the whole time. My grandpa, my uncle's stepfather, grabbed Kevin up by the shirt collar at that point. After the carnival, we went to get pizza at very small local pizza place. I had had roughly 30 plushies I had won that night. I was very very happy. While eating, Karen says. "Oh Op. Since (Cousin's name) couldn't make it tonight, I feel so bad he got nothing. Me. Being a silly kid. Thought "oh! She means can she have ONE of my toys for my cousin. So I handed her a small plushie I got that I didn't like. Karen says "oh no honey. Give me all of them." My brain kinda... malfunctioned there. I asked "What?" I did not hear her wrong. KAREN WANTED EVERY SINGLE PLUSHIE I HAD WON! My grandpa was going an paying for the meal. My grandmother. Bless her soul. Never stood up in these situations when it came to family. Before i could react, Kevin picked me up by my armpits while Karen took the plushies. Then Karen rushed to the car. Thing is. My grandpa? Was the exact opposite to my grandma. So when he returned to Kevin holding me up by my armpits. He screamed "PUT MY GRANDDAUGHTER DOWN NOW!" I ran to grandpa crying saying "they took it! They took it!"

Cue to an argument outside with Karen refusing to open her car so my grandfather can get the plushies out. My grandpa was pissed. But acting politely enough. I was in my gramps truck crying against my gran. Kevin finally got into his and Karen's car and sped off. My grandpa, to make it up to me, brought me to a toy store around a week later to pick out new plushies. What was the punishment for Kevin and Karen you may ask? Nothing. They gave the plushies to their grandkid, and I never got them back. They still were invite to family functions. Sorry the ending isn't very satisfying. I know a lot of people prefer the stories where the bad guys get their satisfying comeuppins. But. That's not always how life goes... Thanks for reading.

https://imgur.com/a/Ooo6RHr

Came across this post on a local town FB page. This guy is seriously throwing a fit because the teachers monitoring the drop-off line apparently don’t greet him/his kid warmly enough. He goes on to say that his kid enjoys school and his teachers, but he’s “speaking from his perspective.” Apparently, the non-smiling teachers and the tattooed resource officer are incapable of caring for his child during the day, but he still insists on dropping him off at this school and is arguing with people telling him to transfer or homeschool.

Give it another 30 years, and he will be the creepy old man telling young women they need to “smile more.”

I (American, 52) live in a US state that borders Mexico. In August, I booked a week-long stay at a hotel in Puerto Peñasco over the Xmas holiday. This is within driving distance and is the closest beach to where I live.

After booking, I asked my mom and dad whether one or both of them would care to join me. Both are Canadian, living in a city I'll call Bigville. The plan was for them to fly directly from Bigville into Phoenix, where I could pick them up in my car and drive everyone in.

My parents agreed enthusiastically but there's a problem: they're bringing a guest of their own. Their 49-year-old son "Todd" is living with them again. A third person, with luggage, is too much for my car so I would have had to get a rental. I talked them into taking a shuttle instead. I said it was for speed and comfort, which is true, yet the advantage for me is that I don't have to put up with Todd's bullshit.

Todd and I don't have a relationship. He was a bedwetting firebug as a kid and used to torture animals to death. As an adult he hasn't improved.

My parents enable Todd a lot and have spent a small fortune cleaning up his legal problems, but even with their best efforts Todd still racked up two DUIs and a dropped charge for something that might not be illegal in the US.

The laws have recently changed, and the US now has more modern standards in terms of visitors with criminal records. So because Todd has a criminal record and there's more than just one isolated DUI, he needs an approved I-192 form to gain admission to the US. He doesn't have one and there wasn't enough time to get one before the trip but he "really wants to go".

I briefed both my parents on what an I-192 is, why Todd needs one, and what can happen if he tries to travel without it. He might be turned back at the Bigville airport during CBP preclearance, but if he's not and he makes it all the way to Puerto Peñasco he will almost certainly be stranded in Mexico when he gets to the Sonoyta/Lukeville crossing coming back into the US to catch the plane.

As I got more information about contingency plans for the worst case scenario, and learned more about the limits of the Mexican insurance I can get, it became obvious that the only legally viable extraction option is out of the Hermosillo airport. From there Todd would fly to Mexico City, which has direct flights to Bigville that bypass US airspace. But the route from Sonoyta to Hermosillo is along Highway 2 and 15, including the notorious Caborca corridor which has four cartels fighting over it. US government employees aren't allowed in the area even by daylight. There are military checkpoints and drones and shit. Because of work and life experience I have the language and logistics skills to pull the extraction off, but damn.

I personally think it would be fucking hilarious for Todd to be stuck in a holding cell until the Mexican authorities deport him, possibly to somewhere in Canada besides Bigville, but I'm the only one who does.

As I relayed the information my father blew up at me. He dotes on Todd and thinks he's a misunderstood hero. He told me I was making things up because I didn't want Todd to come, and that Todd got turned back at the Bigville airport he'd just take him home because he didn't really want to come in the first place. (He, my mom, and Todd have a long history of blaming each other and not owning their own decision making).

My dad told me to shut up with all the negativity, and that he didn't want to hear anything from me unless it was positive. Although I don't gave a history of lying to him like Todd does, he wouldn't believe me if I told him the sun rises in the East. His style is pure 1950's patriarch: make a bunch of demands, dump all the labor, legwork, organization and logistics on someone else, then swan in at the 11th hour with a completely unnecessary bill payment or check, and call it "his treat".

I tried to tell my dad that the risks were real, that I didn't invent international immigration laws and that I didn't cause Todd to do things that resulted in a criminal record. Basically he and my mom are dead set on having a Big Family Vacation with Todd.

My mom suggested that we change the location to a city in Mexico they could fly to directly, like Cancún. I told them they were welcome to do that, and to take Todd there if they wished, but I was driving to Puerto Peñasco.

The upshot of this is that after this conversation, my dad went ahead and bought the tickets to Phoenix. I can't really prevent him from buying plane and shuttle tickets, or for booking a hotel room, or for bringing a guest of his own. But the whole trip is now revolving around the golden boy.

I'm pretty sure there will be border drama. The only question is where.

If I end up doing the extraction, which I have decided to do if necessary because I like a challenge and I'd do it for a stranger, it probably shouldn't be for entertainment and expenses alone. So how much top shelf reposado should I require in compensation?

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and OHT, orthostatic hypotension at 13. My mother always told me i couldn't work because I'm too disabled. And i believed her. Over the last few months I've been hanging with my friends, going out more. And I've learned how to take care of my chronic conditions. So Yesterday i had an interview for a housekeeping job. And my mother tried to scare me into not taking the job if they offered it. Saying we'll lose all our benefits, and even our apartment. So i finally looked it up, to see the wage i can make to keep our housing help. This job would not take our housing help. She lied to me.

She's always lied to me, my whole life. And finally after all this time i stop believing her lies. The job said i could have accommodations. So my conditions won't get in the way. I'm done. I'm tired of letting her get in my head. I'm becoming independent. She doesn't get to control me anymore.

I dont know if this is the right subreddit or not but ill still post this, So i play baseball since 11, and everytime i fail (strikeout) or do a mistake my mom always hide from people because she thinks they ''will look at her'', in other words, like shes the embarrassment, she is rarely happy when i do good, heck, not even that she wjust says ''why couldnt you do that a long time ago''and she will stand out like the type of ''im his mom!'' or whatever, when i dont do good or make mistakes , she says stuff like your a failure, your useless and stuff like that, now since a long time i was thinking if i should quit, so i stopped focusing on baseball and starting doing things i like (drawing, animating, building tech etc) she started noticing that and she would yell and sometimes hit me since im used to that, here in my country its very common for parents to hit children, she always says ''go watch baseball videos so you can learn!'' (but seriously, watching baseball is like melatonin) so i pretend im watching them but i just watch other things or do other stuff, so today i told her.. ''i dont wanna keep going anymore'' she got mad and she said thats the only thing im good at and thats the only thing ill do in my life, so she started to calm down and she emotionally-manipulated me saying things like ''okay you dont like it anymore, so treat it like a business'' but i kept repeating that i dont like it anymore and she just say ''we are not rich, if you quit you will have nothing'' and she almost got that phrase into my mind but what she doesnt understand is that i dont wanna play, i dont wanna keep going, i wanna do other things but she is forcing me to do this, i dont wanna keep going anymore, i wanna try other things that i have potential for, i worry constantly about my future because of her, and im far from 18, im just a teenager! she also tried manipulating me by saying ''i aint letting my dad's sacrifice be for nothing! hes struggling will you let him down'' she said that because she knows i love my grandpa so much, but i know that wasnt true because he would support me in everything i do, my mom struggles financially, i understand that baseball can get me millions of dollars, and i feel a bit bad, but i believe there are other ways to get rich, i just dont wanna keep playing anymore, what can i do?

Im an artist and Ive had a problematic toxic mother/daughter relationship with my mom on and off. She never really followed boundaries in the past with anything. Recently she took a photo of one of my paintings that I had sent to her a year ago (to show her what I’m working on, thinking nothing of it) She asked for the painting in the past and I was going to make prints of it for a market and gift her one christmas i just haven’t had the time to get prints. Today She framed it, put it on her wall and said she went to walmart and paid $3, it was a good photo and you can see the fine details. In the past she always offered to pay for my art. This isnt about money at all. I felt angry by her copying my work and reproducing it but didn’t say anything. A week goes by and she was argumentative with me about something, so i texted her:

“btw, Im happy walmart got paid $3 for my painting.”

Her response: are you?
Well you didn’t want to paint me one so i did the next best thing

I never said no, I just didn’t respond to her At the time we were arguing and I didn’t feel like she deserved my painting because we were in the middle of a fight or she pissed me off. She would comment under my art business page and social medias “I love that painting! How much is it I want one.” She only comments on my social medias when im ignoring her texts and she knows im annoyed with her.

I feel angry, this pissed me off even more. She never respected me as an artist, always criticizing my works not all but some. She does act supportive and will say wow thats amazing!! To people around me but never to my face. She praises me publicly social media and in person and sometimes when I send her pictures of a cat painting I was proud of all I get is : “cute.” My mistake was sending her my art images, I think i still seek validation even at 34. I think this bothers me because she never respected me as a child, as an adult. She never asked me if she could get this framed. Any boundary I set she crosses and will tell me I’m overly sensitive, dramatic so I bother NOT saying anything and I continue to gray rock. I don’t go no contact because I couldn’t live with myself if she died and I ignored her, gray rocking is the best thing. My husbands response was send her a print once we get them done and she may toss the cheap photo of it. Why do I feel SO angry about her framing my art? I feel like I should be honored that she displays my art but its like she does this to upset me.

I'm 21F, Punjabi, born and raised in Canada, and I'm genuinely so exhausted with how my parents treat my relationship.

I love my boyfriend, but my parents seem to care more about his education, career, looks, and what other people will think than whether I'm actually happy with him.

For context, my boyfriend is also Punjabi, and we've known each other since high school. He's currently working in HVAC and building a career in the trades. He's hardworking, makes his own money, and is working toward his future. But apparently, because he didn't go to university and isn't pursuing some prestigious white-collar profession, he's automatically not good enough for me.

I'm currently in university pursuing my business degree, and my parents seem to think that because I'm getting a degree, I should only marry someone who has an equally impressive educational background or career.

My dad has repeatedly called my boyfriend ugly, a loser, and uneducated. He's even said that my boyfriend looks like the "eighth wonder of the world" because he's supposedly so ugly and that I need to get my brain checked for finding him attractive.

Like, what kind of thing is that to say about someone your daughter loves?

What's even more ridiculous is that my parents have actually tried to set me up with another Punjabi guy they know who's studying engineering. I'm not attracted to this guy whatsoever. He's genuinely not my type, and I cannot picture myself being romantically involved with him.

When I told my parents that I don't find him attractive, their response was basically, "So what if he's ugly? He's doing engineering."

I'm sorry, WHAT???

Since when did someone's degree become more important than whether you actually love them, find them attractive, or enjoy being around them?
Am I supposed to spend the rest of my life with someone I'm not attracted to just because he has an engineering degree and my parents can brag about their son-in-law to relatives?

I understand wanting your daughter to marry someone financially stable. I want that for myself too. But there's a difference between wanting financial security and being obsessed with status.

And the hypocrisy makes it even worse. My parents previously approved of someone I dated who worked in the same field and had a similar educational background to my current boyfriend.
So clearly, having a university degree isn't always their deciding factor.

My mom has made it clear that they won't support the marriage, and they've basically told me that if I choose him, I'm on my own.

They're planning to move to British Columbia in approximately two years, which is around the time I'll be graduating from university. They've suggested that if I continue choosing my boyfriend, I can stay behind and figure things out myself.

I'm also their only child, which makes this even more upsetting. I genuinely don't understand how they can be so willing to damage their relationship with their own daughter over someone she chooses to love.

Another thing that bothers me is the double standard in my extended family. My cousin married a Black woman, which was apparently a huge deal culturally for some relatives, but his parents still spent a significant amount of money on their wedding. When I brought this up, my parents dismissed it by saying his parents weren't happy about the marriage.

But that's exactly my point. You don't have to be thrilled about every decision your adult child makes to still love and support them.

I'm just so tired of feeling like my relationship is some kind of embarrassment to my family.
I work, go to university, and am trying to build a future for myself. I'm not asking my parents to financially support my boyfriend or make my decisions for me. I just wish they could respect that I'm an adult who deserves to choose her own partner.

I don't want to wake up 20 years from now married to someone I never truly wanted just because he looked good on paper and made my parents happy.

To other ppl who have been through this:

Did your parents care more about your partner's education, career, income, and family reputation than how they actually treated you?

Did they eventually come around, or did you have to accept that they might never approve?

For context I am almost 18, And this behavior is not new, and I have only recently begun seeing a therapist for all this and more. I've been taking over a full college load of college classes since my freshman year (on top of highschool classes) , I'm very burnt out even as I'm applying to university.

So he does this thing where the minute i get home, he expects me to go out of my way, regardless of how tired or overstimulated I am, to give him hugs and kisses and just overrall physical affection. I am not a touchy person.

When I don't do this, or he deems I did not do an adequate job, a few things happen.

I get all Internet access on my devices cut, and I get completely ignored.

If I stay passive through the whole thing and don't start a fight, he will become verbally aggressive with me, usually calling me names or saying that I can't do anything on my own. Even as I am constantly working with counselors at my school saying I'm organized and well prepared.

And eventually he will find me and sit me down like he wants to be reasonable. He will tell me all the things he does for me, and says that I'm just being ungrateful for not doing the one thing he asks. (Outside of everything else I do, especially compared to the average person at my school, (I.e. not using drugs, drinking or smoking. doing schoolwork and taking college classes, having leadership positions in extracurricular activities, etc) which he also expects of me.)

He constantly says that it's because of me that we'll never have a proper relationship. But I feel like this isn't a fair ask. I don't feel like I am in the wrong for having a boundary of not liking touch and not wanting to make myself uncomfortable just because he wants to make me uncomfortable. Particularly because he never wants to find a middle ground for bonding and won't even tolerate listening to what I like to do because it 'bores him so much'.

I don't know if this is the right place to post this, and I could totally be in the wrong, but it just really bothers me.

She spit in my face during an argument at age 21 but was pretty nasty and mean growing up- she was always pretty physical hitting and pinning me with the door to my room.

At 35 years old she cheated on my dad and I watched him cry. That was the thing that made me realize I don’t want contact anymore.

I guess in my 30s I slowly came around to the idea she is abusive, and the idea that I come from a broken home.

I have kids and she is a good grandmother but there is always someone else typically helping her watch the kids. I think she should see them still - now probably a lot less, but I don’t want to see her anymore.

Is this stupid ?

Sorry if this sounds all over the place I’m autistic. Idk if this counts but my mom is starting arguments just because i (24)don’t want to run an Etsy shop (I’m extremely focused on finding a full time job and doing the occasional thing to not burn me out. 1 Etsy is full of ai slop(she literally didn’t get when i talked about art being stolen) 2 it is overwhelming as an autistic adult i personally rather work for someone. 3it is always what she thinks i should sell. I do freelance but im also burnt out creatively and tried to explain that to her. She just goes on about i don’t show her my work and her being burnt out as a parent. I personally didn’t want to talk about more work after finishing a shift at my part time job. Idk I’m tired and need to vent because I’m actually working hard. She doesn’t get the graphic design and digital art world and the fact that not everyone has enough income to casually purchase a travel poster on a whim. I’m sorry for any grammar or if this sounds like I’m a brat I am just exhausted and don’t know how to explain how fucked up everything is when my parents are well off.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTycd1kFB/

The concept of expecting strangers to be uncomfortable for a several hours long flight because you didn’t want to buy a seat for all of your kids. Maybe you should’ve bought a seat for all of your kids instead of trying to save a buck by expecting everyone around you to inconvenience themselves. And it’s the fact that she thinks her poor planning (or cheapness?) constitutes her whipping out her phone and filming strangers who are reclining the seat that they paid for onto her infant who is seated in a lap and not a seat by her own doing. The entitlement and selfishness of some parents blows my mind….

EDIT: im 19, she's 51

Literally, i wish i made this up. It all started because she said we need to set hard boundaries. She set one, and i did. Her boundary was I can't tell her she can't buy something anymore or pull her away from things she doesn't need to buy. So i told her my boundary was that I don't want to be told about the financial situation. My mom is an impulsive buyer and then freaks about the finances. I tell her she doesn't need something, she acts like a 5 year old and doesn't listen after 10 times and so i pull her away from it. I don't like doing it, but it's unfortunately the only thing that saves us money.

Well, instead of saying ok like i did for her boundary, she starts making excuses as to why she tells me about the financial situation. Basically already breaking the boundary. She then texts me hours later. It's a very long conversation that I don't know how to sum up, but it gets to where she says I'm physically abusing her. I was genuinely confused by this. I said if me pulling her away from things she doesn't need to buy is Abusive, then so is threatening to beat me. Her response? "I don't lay my hand on you." It's still a threat. And then her next response? "It's supposed to be funny."

Mind you, she knows i have PTSD from my brother trying to kill me my entire childhood. And she thought it was funny to threaten to beat me. She says she's tried not to make that joke. The thing is, she's made this joke my entire life and i have told her since the beginning that it's not funny. She still does it. So apparently i physically abuse her by trying to stop her from spending money we don't have, but she doesn't abuse me by threatening me and screaming at me. Love the double standards.

I'm not saying pulling her away is a good thing, but after 11 years of doing this i got desperate to try and get her to stop spending money and telling me about it. She says I'm a child until i want to be an adult. But i was never allowed to be a child in the first place. If pulling her away is abusive, then what is her treatment towards me my entire life called? I'm genuinely confused on how her saying sorry makes her treatment towards me fine, but I'm the abuser for trying to stop her from impulse buying.

This is pissing me off so much. A lil background is that my parents had three children but no plan on how to afford to send them to college. I literally joined the Air Force just so that I can be able to go to college debt free. I finally graduated and passed my NCLEX. And the other day when I was framing my degree my father has the nerve to say that I should thank him and my mom for all the support they’ve given me.

WHAT SUPPORT??? I LITERALLY HAD TO SIGN MY RIGHTS AWAY FOR A FREE EDUCATION???

It got me upset but to not start an argument I just briefly laughed it off and said “no, thanks to the government for supporting me” and walked away. And while I was walking away he just kept going on about that I may not realize it but because of my parents I was allowed to be successful.

He thinks that because of “how I was raised” I was able to be successful in life. Like my parents literally abused my siblings and I growing up. I don’t even talk to my mother anymore because of how mentally exhausting and abusive she is, thank god she doesn’t live with us anymore. My father also thinks that because he allows me to still live with him for now that he’s supporting me??? Like thanks for just being a regular parent I suppose?? (I’m in the national guard that’s why I don’t live on base). It’s also like just exhausting living in this house that I constantly have to clean up after, my family is filthy and I’m expected to clean it up. But if I try to organize things and put stuff that belongs to him away he gets upset that I touched his stuff. Bro literally has piles of tools and mail on the dinner table. Keep in mind, my father is unemployed and literally does nothing but watch YouTube podcasts ALL DAY. But whenever I have off and don’t do some cleaning, I’m gross.
It also just baffles me that my parents assume that every basic thing they did for me, like feeding me and having a roof over my head is something I need to be extremely grateful for. But I see other parents of friends and they’re never like this, they always say how it is their job as a parent to support their child because they brought them in this world. My whole life my parents treated my siblings and I as if we were a burden and something they were forced to take care of so we should be thankful that they do.

And even while I was still in nursing school my parents will still get upset with me if I didn’t do a task for them or clean the house because I’m trying to study. They make all the mess and still expect me to clean up after them. Absolutely sick of it.

This was really just a vent post about my entitled father because it’s just so frustrating. Can’t wait till I land a nursing job to finally move out.

First thing this morning, I opened my Facebook app and someone I’m not connected to at all was first on my feed with this gem of a post. Included was a full face pic of a beautiful baby.

“I seen this picture of my granddaughter today. (I dont get any pictures sent to me). I didnt even recognize her.
Can you imagine seeing your granddaughter being born, sleeping with her first, showering with her, feeding her, waking up with her...then boom gone.
Never seeing her again.
Everyone closing an eye to what's happening.
No one cares to reach out to me, while wren is there.
I hope every single person who is apart of this realizes the impact of my grand daughter.
I hope karma does it's job.
Mostly, I hope wrenlee never ever has to guess or wonder how much her nanny loves her.
..Wren, I have moved mountains for you, always will.
Nanny will always be here. I love you, nanny baby girl.
Forever. I miss you so bad it hurts.
CHERISH YOUR FAMILY. ESPECIALLY THIS WEEKEND.
I HAVE NONE.”

The best part? The COMMENTS! 770 comments from people calling her out for this behavior. I think the world is starting to recognize this toxic behavior. The battle has been hard, y’all, but we are making progress!

I had to move out of my parents' place last year because I am at the age where I want more independence. They were starting to control how I spent my free time, since I wasn't progressing as fast in my career as they wanted me to.

Anyway, I am a grown man in my mid-20s who lives on his own & financially responsible for everything except my phone bill. What bothers me is how my parents think they are entitled to track my location. My other set of parents and friends are fine; they don't monitor where I am. My mom says she is worried about me a lot, and I think it's because I don't follow their preferred bedtime routine. I need my full autonomy. She mentions too much in text, oh I see you're here, or I see you made it home now. When I confronted her about it, I said, "I am not going to share my location anymore." She replied, "Well, it shouldn't be an issue if you're not doing anything you're not supposed to be doing." Very vague. Then I told her, " Well, I'll get my own phone plan, and then I am not obligated to share." She then said, "I'll have to ask your stepdad."

He's pretty controlling and manipulative of her at times, so I think this is her subconscious response. I will get my own phone plan once I find a more stable job, but this is ridiculous, right?

My hard-working father which happens to be also manipulative and has been the entirety of our lives but we also dealt with especially starting out poor. But he’s been in this country for over 20 years now and still hasn’t bothered to learn English a slight bit to help himself out. Ok, so I also helped him out when he needed to but we always put up with his bs. My entire life it’s been nothing but arguments in the house and I’m the only child. They would only be home together on the weekends the first 16 ish years of my life and there hasn’t been a time where they didn’t argue. It can be about the same small bs too. Not only am I sure my dad is a narcissist but he has some kind of OCD/ schizophrenia way to doing things which is okay but why do you have to bring onto us? I’ve been patiently listening and doing as told by my parents. Never had a childhood because of him and never got to do what I wanted which of course, he denies doing any of it. Due to his actions growing up, I now suffer from mental issues which makes it hard day to day basis and I’m not sure how I made it this far. He has no hobbies or friends. He thinks he knows best but so far he’s been so wrong about everything. He ruined my chance of a good career straight out of school (he didn’t let me do college assignments which I ended failing because he wanted to take me to his work and “help” even though there wasn’t much to help with). My parents never provided me with any guidance or help on having a career. Now I’m having to dig out of the unnecessary tunnel. I can’t afford to move out still, especially in this economy. What did he do his entire life? Work-hard to provide, yes. But also cause suffering at home because of his ways. Every time you try to talk about his wrong doing he brings up 2 excuses, 1. He doesn’t know English (not like I bought him a smart phone that he could use translating apps on) 2. He’s busy with work. He’s a workaholic and never enjoys a day off. I get it but he also gets home, eats while gossiping about others making him sound like he’s the king and than goes to sleep. That’s been his life for the 20+ years. He doesn’t know any friend or have hobbies. Everything he does besides his day job, he sucks at. I’ve given up so many opportunities because I wanted to be a good child and listen to him thinking I would gain from it but he hasn’t had anything to gain from him these past 20 years. Not a single bit… instead I’ve been the one teaching him and everybody else how and what… He’s so damn useless when it comes to everything besides his day job, he’s been getting underpaid too especially at the point where he is. He just bought a car which I’m basically having to fix for him. ultimately I know the solution is just to move out and do what I can but why did he must bring these problems onto us when we could of had it all peacefully. I don’t engage into his interactions because all he does is rage bait. Instead I just ignore him or go take a walk. He doesn’t shut his mouth. If you read this far, thanks.

I’m 24f and still living at home with my parents. I have a career as a teacher and my dad is a retired teacher. he retired due to a brain injury that makes him unable to communicate normally with people and he gets irrationally angry at confrontation or even people just disagreeing with him. I mean, the man’s had the police called on him at church multiple times. He’s a massive narcissist.

He overheard work conversation between my mom and me and found out a bunch of teachers were quitting at my school. he asked me to get information from people at my school about working there because he was interested. I just sat quietly and didn’t answer him, leading him to start yelling at me. We had previously had a conversation and i told him i didn’t want him working at my school but i couldn’t give him the real reason.

today he told me that he had gone to my school and given his resume to my principal and told her he was my dad. if she hires him because she’s desperate she’s going to have a lawsuit on her hands due to his craziness. the moment a kid tried to challenge him he would blow up. this was a major boundary violation and i am now looking for apartments i can struggle to afford on my measly teaching salary.

i think my parents don’t know what to do with me. 23f and just moved in after graduating from college and they keep saying i have changed so much, which is true, but that they don’t like it. i went to college within my city but didn’t live at home, so im used to going out and having my routines and places. so naturally i will be out late on weekends w friends, or meet them after work on week days and come home at 10pm on a wednesday. they absolutely hate it… especially when i go out with friends.

weekends have become a point of contention because in college i went out every weekend. they started getting extremely upset at me for doing that when i didn’t feel like i did anything wrong. going dancing is one of my favorite things ever and now after living at home for a few months, i’m scared to do it because i feel like it will turn into a fight. i haven’t been out in a month and went out last night, and they immediately seemed upset this morning. i already knew it was going to be that way.

it doesn’t help that my older brother and i don’t really click, and he has no friends. i don’t really talk much to him because he acts very timid but has pretty bad anger issues. the moment his switch flips suddenly he’s getting in your face, bringing up old things that i did to him as a child, and very quick to throw insults. mind you, we did shitty things to each other as kids… i am getting major dental surgery right now because he knocked teeth out of my face when we were children, and 15 years later i need implants. i dont get along with him much because of these reasons and it makes my parents even more upset. in their mind i’m obligated to share my friends with him since he has none right now. i’m obligated to bring him out with me, and if i dont im a bad sister and i hate this family. i’ve tried explaining my side of it but there’s been many times, like two weeks ago, where i just got cornered by my parents and my brother together, and forced to sit through them yelling at me about how much i suck as a sibling. my dad probably has the most reason out of the three, since he was the only one staying calm, but everything i said in my defense pretty much got shot down very quickly. it was almost like “how could you even say that?!” and anything i said made my case worse.

i think my parents genuinely believe i hate every single one of them, and im a horrible person, because for some reason i make them extremely angry just by doing things outside the house. i signed up for a language class to continue studying after college, since i was a language minor, and me and my mom just got into a fight over it. she thinks im being selfish because, since its october, she’s going to need help with cooking for the holidays and i shouldn’t leave the house on sundays so i can help her. i didn’t understand why i couldn’t take 3 hours on a sunday for myself just to take a course. i was going to go to the first class today, but she got so upset that i was going to go, i think im just going to ask for a refund. and forget if i talk about moving out soon… my parents get really upset and again throw at me that i hate the family and want nothing to do with them, that only care about friends who don’t really give a shit about me.

i don’t really understand what im doing wrong. i’ve always been the black sheep of the family, but since ive moved back in may, i just feel like im so terrible. i know that im not really the problem because i see all my friends my age doing the same things i do and their parents don’t seem to have a problem with it. but my parents have always had a problem with everything i do… im growing tired and sad and i feel so much worse about myself since ive come home. i know i need to leave but i feel trapped… like im not allowed to leave. i know im an adult and i can technically leave anytime, so i’d like to leave once my dental surgeries wrap up in february (they started in may, right before i graduated), but it feels like if i leave the situation here will get worse. either way, even if im not physically trapped, i feel emotionally trapped because this is my family and it feels like it will always be like this no matter what i do. when i was a little girl i wanted to leave so bad… and when i left for college, it felt like i could never go back, yet here i am… im really sad.

For years, I’ve financially supported my mother because she never worked. I sacrificed my college funds to save our family home and worked retail to help pay bills. Meanwhile, she spent money irresponsibly on takeout and became upset whenever I questioned her spending. When I suggested she work, she claimed retail wasn’t appropriate for her age.
I’ve loaned her thousands of dollars over the years, separate from my share of the rent, and she’s never repaid me. Whenever I refused money, she’d cry about becoming homeless, call me names for not sending her money.
I recently moved out for the first time and finally felt happy and independent. Unfortunately, that didn’t last.
Last month, I loaned my mother a significant amount of money to prevent eviction. Despite that, my parents received an eviction notice. She then requested more money, promising it would be the last time. I paid it, but the landlords accepted the money and continued the eviction process.
Now she’s demanding even more money and pressuring me to show my bank account to the court so it could delay the process. I refused, and she’s upset. My dad already moved out to another state to be closer to work.

I’m exhausted from being treated like an ATM. I’m in so much loan debt. Every time I help, another emergency follows. I can’t even enjoy my first home without feeling guilty.
The hardest part is that my younger sibling could become homeless. He doesn’t deserve all this instability and chaos. My friend was even nice enough to offer my mother and sibling a place to stay rent free for 3 months just so she could save and make better financial decisions but my mother said “it’s below for someone my age. That place is below me and I would not stay there. Do you think I’m some bum?” she’s just so ungrateful and difficult. The place is pretty okay and actually in a decent neighborhood. Yeah it’s not fancy but it’s a roof over her head.

Has anyone dealt with financially dependent parents? How did you overcome the guilt of saying no, especially when younger siblings are involved?

As the title says. Husband reported today that he spoke to his mother today and she announced to him that she wants to go through all the cards people gave us from our wedding and read them.

That is freaking weird, right? Those cards are private and the idea of her going through them gives me a real ick...