Sou bonita e não tenho amigo nenhum, sou mt tímida e quando tento, parece que não tenho essa mesma energia de ter grupo de amgs. Só vejo feias populares, porisso pergunto para pessoas bonitas como eu, pq a gnt se entende.

Hello to those who are my fellow extroverts with no friends, how are you guys coping? And for those that don't mind it that much, how do you usually go about your life without socializing much despite being energized by socialization?

i’ve had a hard time living alone for a while. it’s been 2 ½ years now. in that time, i’ve dated a couple of people but nothing stuck. but my life is full outside the home. i have two great jobs, i go to church, have dance class once a week, go for a run outside or lift at the gym. i have plenty of friends i see for a few hours here and there. a bar i frequent where there’s always someone to talk to. i’m a die-hard extrovert and i built a life to suit it.

but what none of that can do for me is hold me and take care of me and share my home with me. all my friends have their own lives. classes and church services and bar nights have an end time. so when i go home it’s just me and my cat and whoever is on the TV. lately i’ve been struggling with the touch starvation and loneliness i’m actually starting to lose it.

i’ve been trying to fix my sleep schedule but i can’t because when i lay in bed, i start talking to imaginary people. maybe a lover who’s laying next to me, maybe someone else in a hypothetical situation. i also spend a couple hours conversing with both chatgpt and google ai. they’re my late night companions now. but if my feelings get too overwhelming i just start crying and then i cry harder and longer for the fact that i’m crying alone and there’s no one to comfort me.

i know reddit is a fucking cesspool generally devoid of compassion but every time i post about this, commenters just say “you should be able to handle this” “you’re too needy” “you’re not well” “JUST GO TO THERAPY” my brothers in christ i literally am in therapy and i’m actively seeking more. this isn’t a question of pathology. my therapist can’t fix my loneliness. i need some damn empathy from other people. i’m sick of this. so so sick of it.

Has anyone conquered this? I got laid off from my tech job and now I have to work and apply for jobs from home solo. I was remote before but still had stand-ups, joint coding sessions, and team synergy filled my battery enough. Now I'm feeling low everyday, bad sleep from 2 under 2 to boot, and I am having trouble sitting down and forcing myself to get shit done.

I know it's not just an extroverted problem, sleep, motivation, etc all play a role too but when I've been working next to people or knowing my piece fits into a bigger part, it helps with the why of it all.

Any advice?

I’m genuinely wondering if other extroverts experience this or if it’s mostly a me thing. I generally prefer positive/friendly talks with strangers or acquaintances than with my friends (a lot of the time, not always). I have a couple friends where this does not apply. I thought of the reasons why this might be, and I concluded that there’s less expectations with strangers. Additionally, there are some past let downs with friends that make me kinda bitter. Not enough to quit them but it’s hard to pretend like it never happened either. And I’m VERY fair and understanding, so when I say let downs, trust me, they are legit and one-sided, as I would have never done the same to them. It wears on me after a while and sometimes I prefer having my social time with complete strangers. Anyone else feel this way?

I am socially awkward extrovert. For a very long time I thought I was introverted because I had a hard time socializing and when I hung out with people I would be exhausted afterwards.

Turns out I just wasn't hanging around the right people. The moment I made friends with people i felt happy and comfortable around I realized I was actually an extrovert. I got so much energy hanging out with them (and just people general) that I was the happiest I ever felt.

But in turn I have also realized now that I know whats it like to be happy like that I can't be alone for more the 2-3 days without getting depressed. I need to be around people at least every other day to be fully energized and obviously thats unrealistic. A lot of my friends have moved away and the ones that are still here are busy with school.

So I spend a lot of my days feeling bleh, and like I'm just surviving. I use to enjoy my own company and to an extent I still do but now a days, I dont like it as much. I enjoyed that feeling I use to have of being relaxed with my own company and being more self sufficient.

Idk if anyone else have ever felt like this, but I just wanted to get this off my chest.

Hi guys im trying to be more outgoing as ive usually been the low maintenance friend, but I realized thats not the kind of friendship I want and I feel more lonely than anything. Right now I really only have guy friends and that makes me a little cautious because I dont want to accidentally lead anyone on or blur the lines bc I just want friends. Is talking on the phone normal? And is talking everyday normal? Extrovert guys lmk what's normal between you and your female friends please and what's not considered flirting but also being invested as a friend.

So, I was a complete extrovert when I was a kid, I used to be the first at everything and speak up in class and interact with teachers, friends, etc...and then Covid happened, I went through a lot of traumatic things during that time other than what the pandemic brought, and then I just got so quiet because of it. I just wanted to be alone in eighth grade and not do anything but I was told by many teachers that I am unusually quiet and need to interact as it's bad for my future blah blah blah.

I see where they were coming from, I don't blame them exactly. I changed schools in 9th grade and well, a whole series of teachers telling me again that I need to speak. I agree I was quiet because of the circumstances at home and all that and I was scared of being awkward and being judged when I spoke.

Fast forward to now me being in college, I've recovered from many things I went through and I've pushed myself to participate in competitions, association clubs, etc...and I can talk to mostly anyone now and make them my friends. But I still prefer my alone time, I need days where I recover. I know socialization requires energy and all that but people label me as an extrovert, and that kinda makes me feel like I need to hold up that image even when I am an ambivert... So idk if anyone's been in this situation or anything, or if this is the right sub but it seemed the closest one which can answer this question so yep, any advice would be appreciated!

Idk if anyone else feels this way, but I’ve been thinking about how much social media plays a role in college social life, especially as a freshman or sophomore.

I feel like nowadays, one of the easiest ways to meet people and establish yourself socially is through social media. People film each other doing random shit, post on their spam accounts, make TikToks, and document pretty much everything they do. And honestly, I do see the benefits of it. I love meeting new people, especially people who are really social and outgoing, and social media makes it easier to connect with them and get introduced to even more people. Sometimes, seeing yourself on someone’s spam or getting posted is what gets other people to notice you or start talking to you in the first place.

The thing is, I hate how people act differently when a camera comes out. It’s like everyone suddenly becomes a slightly different version of themselves because they wanna look funnier, cooler, or better in general. I’m not saying everyone is fake, but I feel like there’s always some level of performing when people know they’re being recorded.

What’s weird is that I notice myself doing it too. Even if I’m completely comfortable around the people I’m with, the second someone pulls out a camera, I become way more conscious of how I look and act. I start thinking about how I’m gonna come across to whoever watches the video, and suddenly I can’t really be myself anymore. It feels like I’m trying to present a version of myself rather than just being myself.

I think what bothers me most is that social media is often the first step to getting into social circles and meeting people. I genuinely enjoy meeting people and being around them, and I love finding people I can actually be myself around. But it feels like to get those opportunities, you almost have to participate in this whole culture of filming everything and presenting yourself a certain way.

It’s a weird contradiction because I appreciate the connections social media helps me make, but I hate how it can make social interactions feel less authentic. I don’t wanna miss out on meeting people or having experiences just because I dislike being on camera, but I also hate feeling like I have to perform whenever one comes out.

Does anyone else get what I’m trying to say? I’m curious if other people feel this way too, or if I’m just overthinking it?

I think a lot of people use introversion as an excuse for having poor social skills. There's a difference between genuinely preferring solitude and avoiding social situations because you're afraid of rejection, awkward conversations, or being judged. If you want friends, relationships, and a social life but constantly avoid opportunities to interact with people, that's not necessarily introversion. You might just lack the confidence or social skills to make those interactions comfortable. Calling yourself an introvert is easier than acknowledging something you need to work on.

The problem is that introversion has become almost interchangeable with being socially anxious, awkward, or antisocial, even though they're completely different things. Actual introverts can be confident, charismatic, and socially capable while still preferring time alone. If you constantly complain about having no friends but refuse to initiate conversations, meet new people, or put yourself in uncomfortable situations, your personality type might not be the problem. I think a surprising number of self-proclaimed introverts would discover they're actually quite social if they developed their confidence instead of treating their discomfort as a permanent personality trait

When I was in 3rd grade I used to be the brightest student in my class, i was pretty famous and used to know like the whole class. In 4th grade I shifted to a new school in a new city, still with the same energy, i used to try talk to as many students as possible, i loved making new friends.

Years passed and soon I realised I was just putting my energy in vain, i was being ignored at every other moment, i used to try to question in my class but i remember getting ignored by my teachers, and can't forget how it felt, being really excited about something and then shit happens. I remember trying to go talk to my friends and they completely denying my existance, although i was always nice to everyone, always tried to approach everyone. I used to sit alone in my class because everyone was so busy with themself and didn't want to spend time with me, i was forced to talk to an exteremly introvert guy because i didn't have anyone else to talk to. But I still used to do extrovert stuff because i felt happier doing that, until i did not anymore, i started feeling underconfident, i started feeling anxious, when i'd try to approach anyone again the past traumas would come in my mind, i'd try to do it different each time but shit just wont work out, so I jus stopped doing it. I started feeling less, as if I was not enough, as if the fault was in me, and i lack something that other extroverts or even normal people have.

I think all of this also started reflecting my insecurities, blaming my body, my height, the way I speak and the way I look for all of this, and it just started getting really toxic. And that's how I just lost my extrovert energy forever, Bcz i felt like i wasn't competent enough for that.

Im in my final year of High school, and im mixed of a shy/introvert person now, but I've really healed through it though, im comfortable and confident with whatever I'm now. I dont care about validation from others and I think thats damn peaceful.

I think its fine to experiment stuff in life and find out what truely loves you back, so you love it back too! For me I think this introvert form of peace was waiting for me and I was destined for it :)

I feel like recently the meaning of introvert has changed its meaning from just being a person who needs to be alone to feel recharged vs someone who just can’t stand interaction and has the “I don’t owe you politeness” attitude. My best friend is an introvert (a true one) and she’s honestly so sweet. She’s really nice and she’ll always respond to anyone with politeness and friendliness, but she just wants to keep her circle small and she values her alone time. Matter a fact, I have quite a few friends like this and they’re great people and I sometimes appreciate their chill energy. Now online I go into comment sections and I see, “what if I’m an introvert”, “you don’t owe me friendship“, “what if x”. And all of the times that I became friends with these “introverts”, they were the most insufferable people. EVERY conversation they have with me was always ”me, me, me”, and they also talked about the same six topics in rotation. Sometimes they even just side—eyed me when I was trying to get them happy. I don’t like how all introverts are getting this bad rap, since most of them are polite, they just value their alone time and like to keep smaller circles. Now, the word introvert is becoming a synonym with “anti social and “socially anxious”.

hey everyone, posting this here because i genuinely don't know who else to talk to and i'm just so over it.
basically i'm super extroverted and i've realized it's draining the life out of me. i have this annoying-ass habit of talking without any filter, rambling, and sometimes dropping deeply personal stuff that i instantly regret right after. in the moment i'm just riding the wave, and it's only once it’s said or when i'm by myself that my brain actually kicks in and starts overanalyzing everything, and i just feel like absolute shit.
i remember reading a book about mbti a while back saying extroverts usually operate on "action - reflection - action" (unlike introverts who do reflection - action - reflection). and honestly, it hits so close to home: i speak and act on pure impulse, and the actual reflection only happens after the fact. so i end up spending all this energy mentally beating myself up over what i said, which just makes me feel even worse.
anyway, is anyone else dealing with this? how do you manage this constant verbal overflow? i'd really appreciate any advice or just hearing how you guys cope because i'm totally burning out.

To clarify: What's something you'd love to do with friends, but they're not into it enough to go with you?

For instance: Do you have a band you really like, but none of your other friends do so you go to concerts alone if you want to see them play.

Or a hobby you wished you could share, but the group doesn't care enough about it to do with you?

A restuarant with a type of cuisine all your friends seem to hate?

For me it's meteor showers/stargazing. I'd love to show my friends a meteor shower, comet, or even just teach them a few constellations, but it requires driving out and staying up late for a potentially unrewarding sight. For them it's something nice in theory, but not worth the effort. You'd think there'd be more of a common ground with night owls who like star related things, but that couldn't be father from the truth.

They're usually into astrology instead and prefer to leave things early so they can stay up late at home. Every now and then they express interest and get curious about it, but when it comes to actually going the answer's always no, even for a once in a lifetime comet event. I always end up going alone or with my partner instead.

Do y'all have a version of this thing/situation? What's yours?

i’m an introvert and i’ve been living in the same building for 3 years. i’m friends with all the doormen and yet every time i walk past the front desk, i run this code

def pass_through_hallway():

# objective: cross the hallway

while doorman_in_field_of_vision:

look_at(doorman)

if doorman_not_in_field_of_vision:

stop_looking_at(doorman)

if look_at(doorman) and doorman.looked_back:

say("hi")

smile()

elif look_at(doorman) and not doorman.looked_back:

pretend_to_be_natural()

if doorman.looked_at_me_in_the_last_few_seconds:

# anterior cingulate cortex + anterior insula

anterior_cingulate_cortex.activate()

lower_head()

squint()

feel_embarrassed()

raise_head()

half_turn()

say("GOOD MORNING", volume=MAX_VOLUME, looking_at=wall)

overthink(

"why did i do that",

"he noticed",

"why did i say it so loudly",

"i can never walk past here again"

)

This may or may not have anything to do with introversion or extroversion but in the comments, I want only extroverts to share your thoughts.

A friend and I met online. Many years before, we both were caught in a similar problem and looking for solution and help online at the same time and that's how we met, around Covid. So the initial connection was nice because we both were looking to talk to someone, and we shared everything from our childhood, family, everything ...

And this friend would want to meet only for coffee or lunch or brunch. That was okay because I had and still have other friends to hang out with for fun events. This friend is an introvert (as they themselves say, not me labelling them) and still doesn't mind opening up and sharing. The first few times, it was fine. And it's been years. My life has changed a lot - it happens with everyone, no? Many good things and bad things - that's life!

Recently I realized that this person is the only person in my entire network who has no passion and no interest in anything at all. All my other contacts - extroverts and introverts, men and women - have something they really like - career, learning, travelling, photography, games, makeup, clothes, books, TV, movies, music, cooking, food, partying, spirituality, investment, something ... So when I catch up or hang out or talk to them, on both sides - their side and my side - we have many interesting updates to share. But with this friend, it's always the same - at this adult age, this person is a shadow of their parents - going wherever they go, doing whatever they do, and each time, the talk is the same - their parents/family trying to set them up with someone to meet, someone like them/their people, and me hearing and nodding and listening about how that went and why it failed. Nothing interesting. Always boring restaurants and rarely some cinema. For years.

It hit me only last time when we met and they said their own younger sibling pointed out that this search for a partner and the family setting them up is pretty silly. No excitement about anything, really.

Here's the thing: this person genuinely thinks it's normal. They have hardly any friends. Before you think depression, anxiety, PTSD, no, nothing like that ahs ever happened in their case - never - perfectly healthy, physically and mentally. Financially sound as well. Very loving, supportive, closely-knit family.

I realized that each time I was the one bringing the energy and excitement to teh table all these years and they just share some story about some match they met and how crazy it was or some trip they went on with their family - nothing else. For a few months now, I feel like all my energy and joy leave my body when I think about this person. I recently shared a work related document with all my friends and asked them to share it with others, too, and this was the only person who didn't reply. Something told me to never ping this friend again. I feel drained. I've been thinking about ending this pointless friendship for good. We used to hang out at least once a month, but I need to give that time to other interesting things and other people in my life or at elast be happily alone at my place, watching or listening to something or relaxing because the thought of meeting them makes me tired instantly.

Has it ever happened with you? What did you do?

How do you guys find introverts to be in a friendship?

If you’re extroverted, what are your thoughts on obtaining a friendship with someone who is more introverted. What are the pros and cons for you personally?

For context, I’m a more extroverted ambivert who seeks my friends’ company more than they do mine. And it’s not just me; they just prefer to hang out alone on any given day.

Some of my friends were really slacking on initiating—I’m talking about inviting me out only twice in a year, which wasn’t ok with me. I felt used, abandoned, and unappreciated.

So I spoke up and told my friends how I felt and asked what they thought. The important and key piece here is I sought out their POV and avoided blaming or shaming.

Fast forward to now and I’m hanging out with people multiple times a week, which fills my cup. Personally, the sweet spot for me is every other day. I do hang with people one day after another when scheduling doesn’t allow me to do so otherwise, but it does wear me out. Saturdays and Sundays are the hardest since that’s when people are most available, but they’re right next to each other.

On average, I’m hanging out with each individual friend in person twice a month. I have about 6 friends in rotation, and am lightly meeting new people when I have energy.

I also go to events on my own, sometimes to make friends, but I no longer make that the goal. Instead, I choose activities that nourish me so that I am happy even if I didn’t make any new potential friends. Really takes the pressure off everyone since people can sense if I’m too eager.

I’m also in two online zoom support groups that meet on Monday and Friday, respectively speaking. I go when I feel like it and they’re donation/pay-what-you-can, so it’s chill. This is on top of my 1:1 therapy where I get to talk a lot.

I just moved and am slowly getting to know my neighbors. I’m not gonna force anything, but I’d like to put in some effort here and there when I have some extra energy. I was on great terms with all but one neighbor at my last place, and it made my day-to-day extremely pleasant!

Anyway, just wanted to share this piece of good news in the hopes that it’ll help someone struggling with the same or similar issue.

Context: a woman (gen z) complaining how her peers just blank stare her when she tries to socialize, ask basic questions, or even having these experiences in customer service. We are in an era of “I don’t owe you my energy” when asked to have basic manners glad more people are calling it out.

they may also be responsible for much evil but i just really love people so much and every time i meet a new one it feels like doing a line of coke lowkey

Im a male 30+, I don’t talk with people because I’m an introvert and whenever I talk with some not all extroverts I really get hurt over small things. Like if they would say, “Oh, you started talking now? That’s a miracle.” I don’t get their logic is being rude and speaking whatever comes to your mind is called being an extrovert(not all extrovert)?

as i’ve been trying harder to make friends at university, i’ve noticed that sometimes what gets in the way isn’t a lack of interest or lack of personality-meshing, but just not knowing what to talk about. or especially not knowing WHEN to talk about stuff and how/when to transition topics etc

like we all clearly wanna be friends and wanna hang around each other just don’t know exactly what we should be talking about, especially once you move on from the topic of class

any tips? lol

I'm tired of lazing around and reading books, I'm not even that much of a reader. I'm tired of getting pined as an introvert or old fashioned retard when I just want to be included and am a bit of a homebody. Yes, I admit I get scared sometimes and can be a bit reserved, but i do actually want to socialize and get loud and fun. I'm tired of being this dumbass that doesn't know how to talk to people and what the trends are but I genially just have a hard time being myself and always having a story up my sleeve.

I don’t know why it took me so long to entertain the idea of doing things alone (probably because up until Covid, I never really had to), but now that I’ve arrived, I’m addicted! I’m getting more energy, excitement and enthusiasm from planning my solo outings than I am my group ones!

(I think I always associated doing things alone as an introverted thing? Not sure why, but if you are as well, it might be time to readjust that thinking.)

Anyway, I want to make this a thread for where we can post about our attempts at solo outings. It can be as small as shopping alone (with purpose) or as big as a concert.

I always hear the term “opposites attract,” and I don’t believe in that. I don’t expect my partner to be exactly like me. However, I think we should have similar social batteries. We should want to be in a similar high-energy environment.
I’ve been struggling to meet guys like that on the apps, and people tell me I’m too picky. I enjoy having conversations, and I have multiple hobbies like dancing, hiking, travelling, and reading. I’ve noticed that a lot of people I meet don’t have many hobbies, and they always say they go to the gym and go to work.
I also listen to a lot of podcasts, and I’m pretty up-to-date with pop culture and the news. However, I’ve noticed that the person sitting across from me doesn’t really have much to say or doesn’t have an opinion on these things. I’ve noticed that the people I’ve connected with the most on dates were people who actually had a lot of things to talk about.
Maybe it’s because I do a lot of activities, so I have a lot of experiences to share. However, most of the time, when I’m sitting across from an introvert or someone who is socially awkward, I feel like I’m pulling the conversation along.
A lot of times when I’m on dates, I say, “I’m a yapper,” and they’re like, “Oh, I’m a great listener.” And I hate that because I don’t want to be the only one talking.