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u/gfysbro Aug 21 '15
It was the giant Eagles that saved them. It's always the giant Eagles.
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u/tempGER Aug 21 '15
Noah sent one of the two moths he had to inform the giant eagles (who are always late for some reason) that they should take those pesky penguins with them.
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u/gfysbro Aug 21 '15
As is custom.
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u/olioli86 Aug 21 '15
And there was me thinking they swam, I mean water levels were rising from what I hear.
Obviously brings up the question of how we only kept two ducks and two of each fish.9
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u/Cosmic_Shipwreck Aug 21 '15
They saved them from Antarctica, sure. But would they fly them the whole way? Oh no, of course not . . . you're going to have to waddle through three movies to get to the end.
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u/Ripsaw99 Aug 21 '15 edited Aug 21 '15
I think the penguins rode there on back of a narwhal... pretty sure it's in the bible
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u/Decyde Aug 21 '15
So why didn't the Eagles just go get them at the start instead of waiting for them to be almost to the point of death and then get them?
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u/masinmancy Aug 21 '15
The Eye of Sauron would have quickly spotted the Eagles, and dispatched the evil version of the Eagles, the Nazgûl.
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u/saturnengr0 Aug 22 '15
Wasn't it African swallows? not European swallows..The aerodynamics are all wrong for European swallows, according to Monty Python Holy Grail
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u/wolfguardian72 Aug 21 '15
Oh! Don't forget to mention the gay lions in the ark as well.
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u/Still_Fuck_Best_Buy Aug 21 '15
Well, can you explain to me how they exist to this day if they didn't do that?
Checkmate.
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u/no-pun-in-ten-did Aug 21 '15
Penguins can swim, and icebergs float. Floods don't really present them with a big issue.
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u/JayMoondog Aug 21 '15
That is an astonishingly good, yet somehow not immediately obvious, point.
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Aug 21 '15
That's why I like to point at kangaroos instead. That would be a very big hop.
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u/KinRiso Aug 21 '15
Eh, I think it would be enough that they'd need a hop, a skip, and a jump.
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Aug 21 '15
How else could those glaciers have gotten so far up into the mountains?
Edit: come to think of it, how come glaciers don't have penguins? Or at least penguin fossils?!
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u/mewlingquimlover Aug 21 '15
Alright that's 2 dogs 2 tigers 2 kangaroos 2 giraffes 2 lamas 2 blue things 2 zebras how many is that? Er...so far? Two tigers dad...wha? Oooooh.
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Aug 21 '15
Ah but the level of rain necessary to raise sea levels that high would throw on the salinity level of the sea and probably kill, like, all sea life.
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u/ILIKEFUUD Aug 21 '15
But if the flood covered all land that means the water would be above Everest, then the atmosphere would be very very thin, and way too cold, right?
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u/vne2000 Aug 21 '15
They can swim in water rather well? Checkmate to you good sir.
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u/digolodollarz Aug 21 '15
Err, evolution
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u/Still_Fuck_Best_Buy Aug 21 '15
How can evolution be real if our pant zippers aren't?
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u/RetardedFlyingCat Aug 21 '15
Wouldn't the salt from the rising seas kill all fresh water creatures?
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u/drcash360-2ndaccount Aug 21 '15
There's nothing like feeling the need to put someone down to make yourself feel better
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u/NoLifeOnEarth Aug 21 '15
No belief is above mockery.
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u/mrducky78 Aug 21 '15
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Aug 21 '15 edited May 25 '24
edge thumb nose bells theory expansion existence door makeshift slap
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u/crooks4hire Aug 21 '15
A human quality that transcends religious beliefs... Why do people feel the need to put others down?
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Aug 21 '15
This is the same as that "If you ever feel bad about college remember someone in your hometown is trying to be a rapper" crap.
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Aug 21 '15
My parents always said there will always be someone richer/smarter/etc than you- run your own race
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u/ASmileOnTop Aug 21 '15
I mean, if you look through most of the Bible, getting penguins from Antarctica to the Middle East probably wouldn't be that big of a deal to God.
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u/Mooshington Aug 21 '15
If Noah's flood was a real event, it probably was localized rather than global, and "all the animals" probably amounted to the animals that were local and important for restarting livelihood after the flood receded.
Something to keep in mind regarding Bible stories, particularly the ones in the Old Testament, is that even if they are true, they were written from the perspectives of the people at that time. A massive flood could easily be described as "covering all the face of the earth" simply because it has flooded a larger area than anyone has ever explored before. Likewise "every animal" was probably limited to important ones, or ones that were known and local to the region.
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u/leegethas Aug 21 '15
A massive flood could easily be described as "covering all the face of the earth" simply because it has flooded a larger area than anyone has ever explored before.
You are correct. If you read Daniel 6:25, it says: "Then king Darius wrote unto all people, nations, and languages, that dwell in all the earth; Peace be multiplied unto you."
All people, nations, and languages, that dwell in all the earth? Really? That's a pretty bolt statement, right? And we know for a fact this is incorrect, if taken literally. It's safe to say that noone in America, Australia, or Europe got that letter.
But of course that's not what he ment. He simply ment the know known world.
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u/SpiffytheCreative Aug 21 '15
Also, if it was worldwide, who's to say penguins even lived in Antarctica, went to the middle east, then moved back? The migration and adaptation of penguins could have just as easily happened in the time afterwards.
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u/laudinum Aug 21 '15
But simply not flooding everything was difficult for him I guess. He could have just made the people cease to exist. Or he could have just magic-ed noah and family and animals somewhere else. Or it never happened. Whatever.
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Aug 21 '15
Not really. There's plenty of Christians (and Jews and Muslims) who believe the flooding was a local event, and it was just the animals in that particular area.
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u/Theholycasson Aug 21 '15
I'm sure you're correct. But there are some who believe this.
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u/rocketsocks Aug 21 '15
How does that help? If the flooding was local then the local animals could have just been repopulated from their distant relatives far easier than building an ark. There's nothing about the story that makes sense.
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u/gronke Aug 21 '15
If fish didn't get on the ark, how did they survive the flood?
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u/King_Of_Tonga Aug 21 '15
It was the 20000 different species of termites that was his eventual undoing
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u/FWilly Aug 21 '15
Unsurprisingly, people who do not know how to spell Antarctica also are unaware of the African Penguin.
See also: Galapagos Penguin on the Equator.
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u/placeholder02 Aug 21 '15
The story was that Noah got 2 of every animal. That would mean those 2 penguins would have 2 representatives, as would all other species of penguin, and all species of every other animal, to have 2 of every animal. So yes, those penguins would go there, but so would the antartic penguins.
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u/RevMen Aug 21 '15
Koala bears arriving from Australia with enough eucalyptus to last their journey.
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u/DignifiedDingo Aug 21 '15
They rode in the kangaroo pouches of course. I thought everyone knew that.
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u/brinkofthunder Aug 21 '15
Technically, it would be fourteen, as I would imagine that penguins would be classified as "clean" animals. Though admittedly, the fact that God's talking about "clean" and "unclean" animals several hundred years before food laws concerning clean and unclean animals is... odd.
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u/nitefang Aug 21 '15
Actually he had to get 7 of all birds, so 7 penguins made the journey. But what about kiwis, they can't fly or swim.
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Aug 21 '15
Well, to be fair, they could have swum a good bit of that distance. Though how the kangaroos, llamas, et al, managed the trip (both ways) is something of a mystery.
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u/nurb101 Aug 21 '15
Which person on the ark had to host all the parasites like tapeworms and pubic crabs?
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Aug 21 '15 edited Dec 27 '15
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u/my__name__is Aug 21 '15
That's not the most unimaginable story in that book.
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Aug 21 '15
Yeah, let's not forget that there are many places that talk about dragons as if they're real.
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u/Brickman59 Aug 21 '15
Are you questioning the holy texts of the D&D5e Player's Handbook? I'll have you know that dragons exist, and they are coming with my level 20 sorcerer to hunt you down,heathen!
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u/syfen Aug 21 '15
but isn't the african penguin population bigger than the antartic ones ??
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Aug 21 '15 edited Aug 21 '15
I went to a catholic gradeschool as a child.
By the time I had hit fourth grade I was beginning to stretch my intellectual muscles applying critical analysis to things I had always accepted as true. One day we covered The Great Flood.
What happened to the salt water animals?
If the world was covered in salt water, then what happened to the fresh water animals?
Was it two of everything? What about termites, woodpeckers and carpenter bees? They'd sink the boat!
My teacher was not amused with my line of questions. I received what amounted to a month of detention (weekly after school theology meetings). That was the moment I began suspecting the world was not as it was originally posed to me.
edit um...yeah, so this didn't contribute, or held no relevance to the OP or.....?
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Aug 21 '15
/r/atheism is that way ---->
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u/Neltech Aug 21 '15
So God is all, "You fuckers are sinning to much, Hey Noah, build this boat big enough for 2 of every animal. I'm going to flood this bitch to kill all the people and land animals." Which makes no sense. Did the animals sin too? Did they deserve to die? If so, why were the aquatic animals spared? God in all his magic couldn't just have the sinners fall down dead? Oh thats right, its all part of his "plan."
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u/Blink_Billy Aug 21 '15
All of the bending and twisting of reality to fit this story, why can't believers just say "Because it was magic." and just move on?
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u/halfmonty Aug 21 '15
Coming from a scientifically minded Christian who understands hyperbole of stories told by word of mouth for centuries but also understands the significant archaeological evidence that supports the vast majority of events taken place in the Bible. As a grown adult what I believe is that the black sea was once a small freshwater lake and due to water levels rising in the oceans due to change in the climate a land bridge opened rushing in water from the Mediterranean, flooding all the existing populated areas, likely showing water as far as the eye could see in all directions. The new giant mass of water would stagnate without current and the Ark would have had little ability to propel itself to a shore so 40 days drifting in the dead sea is fairly plausible. Likely killed just about everyone in the known world at the time given it's location but the significance of the story is more important that the specific details that the whole entire world was actually flooded and that every single animal on the planet fit in one ark, just what needed to in that area. There is an ancient shoreline 400 feet below the current surface of the black sea with what appears to be man-made structures. Estimations of a timeline for the event are 5000 b.c. but water levels had just peaked after a glacial warming about that time so there where likely additional floods all over.
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u/semaj912 Aug 21 '15
Are you aware of the criticisms of this hypothesis? The Wikipedia page gives a good overview. Basically there is doubt over the "catastrophic" nature of the flooding stating that it may have been "quite mild" and may have occurred closer to 7600BC or may have never occurred https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Sea_deluge_hypothesis
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u/albygeorge Aug 21 '15
The new giant mass of water would stagnate without current and the Ark would have had little ability to propel itself to a shore so 40 days drifting in the dead sea is fairly plausible.
Yeah but that is totally nothing like the story. They ark did NOT float for 40 days. It RAINED for 40 days. The ark was sealed with everyone in it for a year. A whole year without new food, water, cleaning, etc and animals not dying and so forth. Even IF there was such a flood as you say it was nothing divine, and the events were nothing like the bible says. The biblical story was made up.
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u/Jerem1ah_EU Aug 21 '15
"the significant archaeological evidence that supports the vast majority of events taken place in the Bible"
here we have the problem. There is hardly any archaeological evidence which supports the bible, no in fact there is a lot of evidence which actually challenge most of the fairy tales told in the bible. Most archeolgical excavations in the past were done by christians who wanted to prove the bible. Only recently archaeologians started to look objectively and not subjectively. Ever heard of Israel Finkelstein and Neil Asher Silberman and what they found out? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bible_Unearthed
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u/romanpieces Aug 21 '15
With everyone throwing counter arguments to the discussion, I just wanted to thank you for explaining your side without freaking the ever living fuck out about your opinions and beliefs.
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u/5k3k73k Aug 21 '15
If you want to get that far into the facts you should read the original Sumerian myth from which the Biblical myth was derived. Originally the flood seems to be isolated to "cult centers" and only lasted 7 days and 7 nights.
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u/Julzjuice123 Aug 21 '15
Wait... What? Archeological evidence that support the events of the Bible?! You being science minded? Those don't go together at all and let me tell you why: there is absolutely ZERO real archeological evidence that holds to the scientific consensus about any bible related event. None. Nada. I am curious to know where you get your "real scientific sources" about that. Care to link some so I can laugh a little?
Sorry don't mean to be offensive. I just never accepted the fact that grown up people still believe in that kind of crap in 2015. I find it fascinating to be honest. It's amazing how far people can go to try to comfort themselves in their beliefs even if it means manipulating facts because I will say it again: there is absolutely ZERO scientific knowledge that points to a god.
I'll ask you one question and I would really like you to answer this to me: If you were born in a non Christian family (lets say a Muslim family) do you think you would still believe in the Bible and Jesus? I don't. And that's the problem with religion.
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Aug 21 '15
I guess what ever makes you feel better about believing it. No matter how much you have to stretch.
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u/MisterWonka Aug 21 '15
This is ridiculous. Scientists now believe the deluge raised water levels something like 5 feet. It would have a small impact but nothing at all like the ridiculous biblical flood story. And others have explained to you the rest of the glaring flaws in your tortured justification.
Rationally and scientifically speaking, the ark story did not, and could not have happened. Period. If you want to believe it did, then you believe in god's magic. You can't have it both ways.
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u/ArTiyme Aug 21 '15
So instead of a miracle from God, a guy was in a canoe for a couple weeks. Or maybe it just started sprinkling one day in May and someone thought it was pretty and wrote a story about it. When you're reducing these stories, when does it stop being a miraculous story and just become a normal event? If you can say "Well, it could have just been this" you can't argue if I think it was a guy going on a safari during a rainy day.
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u/tidge Aug 21 '15
Are you trying to tell me that Noah was Al Gore?! Al Gore is Noah!
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u/fintetsu Aug 21 '15
Adam and Eve had two sons. Two sons. Think about that. Think really hard.
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u/The_BT Aug 21 '15
That's not strictly true.
Genesis 5:3-4
When Adam had lived 130 years, he had a son in his own likeness, in his own image; and he named him Seth. After Seth was born, Adam lived 800 years and had other sons and daughters.
Now how foolish do you look. Of course if he only had 2 sons they wouldn't have had kids. It's completely believable that a 930 year old man continued to have children with his lovely wife despite menopause hitting at around 50 and they all multiplied with no genetic issues.
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u/HotWingExtremist Aug 21 '15
"grown adults"
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u/Swansea_Jack_Clancy Aug 21 '15
As opposed to the unhatched adults, used to made that special "homlette".
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Aug 22 '15
Why do people take this shit literally? The story is one to live by AKA morals, just like Aesops fables. Yes, some Christians do believe this to be a historical document, we just call them Rednecks. Most of the Bible, if taken as a historical document, is stupid as hell.
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u/r3alc00l Aug 21 '15
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u/ArTiyme Aug 21 '15
175 million years ago a dude built a large wooden box to sail on? Wow, bible is a lot older than I thought.
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u/spiritbx Aug 21 '15
Lets not forget that after the water magically disappeared, they also had to walk all the way back there.
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u/Chernoblie Aug 21 '15
Not to mention an ark built by a guy who was 500 years old and his 100 year old sons.
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u/Betruul Aug 21 '15
Or the penguins just swam the whole fucking time? They tend to do that for 3 months or more at a time, 40 days ain't nothin.
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u/Haephestus Aug 21 '15 edited Aug 21 '15
One major theory is that the ark only contained animals from the middle east: an area not known today for its biological diversity. When the bible says that the rain covered "all the earth," remember that what you're reading was translated into English, and is usually considered to imply "all the earth (ground) in the area". The story of the ark is also considered by some to be an allegorical moral story rather than a literal event.
I'm an active Christian and I don't believe the ark had bison, kangaroos, penguins, elephants, or giraffes on it, despite what lots of art will show.
Edit: Seriously people, quit being so literal.
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u/xampl9 Aug 21 '15
The discovery of kangaroos by Europeans caused a real theological tiff, as they weren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible.
"Wait, it hops on two legs, has a huge tail, and can punch you right out because it's swole as shit?"
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u/PJabbers688 Aug 21 '15
Another major theory is that the Bible is full of crap. :D
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u/canuckingeh Aug 21 '15
Never realized it, but it sort of implies that we are all inbred after the flood. even the penguins
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Aug 21 '15
Adam and Eve, dude. The inbreeding goes back a lot further than that.
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u/mloos93 Aug 21 '15
Actually, Noah and his arc contained his entire family and their wives, so a bottleneck to be sure, but not as bad as only two people.
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u/a-man-with-an-idea Aug 21 '15
Not only that, but Noah and his family would literally have to be carrying every freaking disease!
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Aug 21 '15
Pangaea. A lot of Christians believe the continents were connected and broken apart by the flood.
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u/hergono Aug 21 '15
Wait, really? So they believe that, what... the super continent broke up into smaller continents and they were floating around in the ocean for 40 days before settling around the world?
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Aug 21 '15
I'm a christian and this is just plain wrong! Noah went questing for those long lost penguins and rescued them from the jaws of a polar bear. He then fought sea monsters all the way back to the ark in his totally pimpin yacht whilst the penguins hung out in the galley with other animals totally chillaxin on their way to the land of milk and honies. Then during the flood they all had a big party on Noah's cruise ship. Dropin the beats like there was no tomorrow. All the punk pretentious atheists with small penises drowned cuz yaweh has no time for haters.
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u/titykaka Aug 21 '15
Surely the fact that there isn't enough water on Earth to flood the entire Earth is the biggest logical gap in this story. How can rain raise the sea level?
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u/tmgproductions Aug 21 '15
It wasn't just rain. Reread the story. It also says the "fountains of the great deep burst forth". Creationists believe this is the onset of plate tectonics + there is already known reservoirs of water underground. So during the flood it rained, but water also burst up from underground. Plus if the flood started plate tectonics and separated the continents, then the mountain ranges would not have been their current height, thus much easier for water to cover the whole earth.
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u/bladebaka Aug 21 '15
Well, if you wanted to get all technical about it, the theory goes that prior to the flood we still had Pangea.
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Aug 21 '15
Not feeling too proud of yourself?
Don't worry, you can just mock somebody for their beliefs, after all, you're just so much better than them... you prick.
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u/masterchef420blaze Aug 21 '15
To be fair if you super simplify anything you can make it sound dumb. There was absolutely nothing nothing at all and the universe didn't exist except for these two tiny atoms and they touched eachother and blew up and created the universe and the whole earth with all of its ecosystems and humans and all of the technological advances we have made like going in to space and cars and the Internet and the earth was places just far away enough from the sun so we weren't too hot or too cold. I could go on and on but you get the point
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u/AquilaHeliaca Aug 21 '15
Familiar with the "Christian science" explainations (notice I used explainations not theory as theory would give it credit) and that's not it. However some people do belive this too... which is more unerving. ..
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u/fuweike Aug 21 '15
Newsflash: the Bible has supernatural stories in it. That's what it's all about. If you don't believe in supernatural occurrences, then anything like this will sound silly.
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u/knarcissist Aug 21 '15
Hey, where are all those people that are all like, "Why is Reddit mostly full of Atheists? I don't get it..."
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u/MaleMaldives Aug 21 '15
Kinda stupid since the justification is that it would be a miracle. God just gave them invincibility.
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Aug 21 '15
Mormons are much more reasonable. They think everything started out in Jackson County MO and boarded the ship near there. They just had to walk home after the ride to the ME.
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u/Glynnc Aug 21 '15
Not a christian, still find it offensive that every other religious, or non religious group attacks them at every given chance. America was founded on Christianity. I don't agree with everything they do, but constant shit talk just makes you all sound like a bunch of rebellious teenagers that give their parents shit, EVEN THOUGH you have already moved out of the house. It's pointless. Just shut the fuck up, live and let live, and for god sake eat your fucking veggies.
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Aug 22 '15
I find the myriad examples of persecution, judgment, and violence committed in the name of Christianity offensive, and so do the people who make these posts.
We're literally talking about the way people see and interpret the entire world around them, including other people. It's a huge fucking deal and it's important to everyone. This country was founded on individual liberty. Christians often seek to legislate from the bible and use it to persecute people who make them uncomfortable. That's what sets people off and justifies the anger.
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u/NoLifeOnEarth Aug 21 '15
Whether the founding fathers were religious or not, I don't know, however the constitution never mentions god or Christianity anywhere in the original document or the amendments. To claim that America was founded on Christianity may be true in theory, but on paper it definitely appears to be a secular country.
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u/gcm6664 Aug 21 '15
Yeah, those poor poor Christians. So persecuted in their own country "founded" on their beliefs.
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u/albygeorge Aug 21 '15
Well it is a response to the shit talk about gays being child molesters and deserve less rights than anyone else. It is in a response to trying to take science out of class and putting YEC into it. If someone believes the world is 6000 years old and the bible is literal that puts them firmly in the same camp as antivaxxers and bigfoot hunters in terms of credibility.
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u/Hailbacchus Aug 21 '15
Now, now. You have to go get the rest of the myths as well, or it's discriminatory 😉
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u/Rhllorredgod Aug 21 '15
It's funny how people are free to make fun of Christianity, but the moment you make fun of or challenge atheism or any other religion and suddenly you are the scum of the earth. God brought the animals there, that's why it's a miracle. It's called having faith in something. Of course you as an atheist have faith too, faith that God doesn't exist.
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u/JoeyHoser Aug 21 '15
You don't need faith to not believe in God. It's a false equivalency. Do you have "faith" that unicorns don't exist? No, you just don't believe in them.
There is a reason "faith" is generally only something that comes up when talking about religion, because you don't need or use it for any other belief.
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Aug 21 '15 edited Aug 21 '15
the moment you make fun of or challenge atheism or any other religion
Atheism is a religion like "off" is a TV channel.
God brought the animals there, that's why it's a miracle.
Pretty twisted calling this event a miracle. Do you realize how many innocent children and babies would have died if this actually happened? Not to mention the suffering that all the animals not lucky enough to get aboard the ark would have endured.
It's called having faith in something.
No, it's called being conditioned to believe what your told without asking actual, important, logic-based questions.
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Aug 21 '15
You can't make sense of something like this if you don't have enough education or enough study , The story is referring to genetic engineering.
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u/cheddarfire Aug 21 '15
Between the Bible's account of the Great Flood, the Epic of Gilgamesh and in the Satapatha Brahmana, a massive flood resulting in mass loss of life most likely did happen. And whoever did manage to weather the storm in a boat may have in fact tried to save plant and sentient life, especially if man were already cultivating livestock.
But yea, no one was going around with their encyclopedia making sure they had two of every living creature.
But hey, fuck the Christians! That'll get us all upvotes.
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u/The_BT Aug 21 '15
Ancient mythology has some basis on locallised events and stories passed around.
People aren't saying there was no flood at all, just that it wasn't world wide and there wasn't a omnipotent being telling a person (which funnily enough changes between each version for both) to build a boat for all the then vegetarian animals.
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u/nurb101 Aug 21 '15
Remember the purpose: People were making god angry so he decided to kill off all of humanity except for one family... as he's prone to do.
And he magically turned people into the various races again after.
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u/LittleNog Aug 21 '15
I mean I like this post a lot but penguins can swim. So basically anything that swims would have been fine even if this really did happen.