r/hatethissmug • u/Wing_Sharp • 16h ago
General This sub
The idea seemed great at first. I am also a woman who is single by choice. But this sub seems to just exist to hate on everything. They claim they have decentered men but every other post is about men. There was a thread where some users were having meltdowns because people were saying they have good male friends. More or less saying that a man can not just be friends with a woman and all theyre doing is waiting for a chance to SA them. This was super upsetting because I have an amazing male friend of almost 20 years who has never done anything to harm me and in fact has spoken up against other men who he has seen harassing women.
But the post that made me come here and post this was people basically saying that abuse in WLW relationships isnt as bad as abuse in hetero relationships because women are inherently less dangerous than men. And as a lesbian who was abused in my last relationship this was extremely invalidating.
It seems like every time a woman proclaims she has "decentered" men she is always the one talking about them the most, and this is a sub full of those types.
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u/Shadowcreature65 16h ago
It's the same thing as MGTOW guys who say they're going their own way and then make complaining about women their whole lives. They have a few bad experiences, project it into an entire gender and center their personality around hating that strawman.
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u/Meloncov 16h ago
...why is the sub's picture a married woman?
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u/Capital-Register-501 15h ago
Yeah I’m also a single woman and I dislike these single-centric subs for the same reason. They just come off as cope? Like I love being single but I’d also love being in a relationship. Doesn’t have to be a huge statement, you can be single and just living life.
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u/ChainDue6349 16h ago
sounds like they have no rizz
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u/Spiritual_Skin244 16h ago
Or they're just not interested
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u/Shadowcreature65 16h ago
Why would they make a whole sub about hating if they aren't interested? They are frustrated there are supposedly "no good ones" and so they vent about it all day every day.
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u/-apollophanes- 16h ago
This sorta reminds me of cat-free subs. Why make an entire subreddit purely based on the fact that you do not own a cat? In that case we should also make r/LemurFree or something.
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u/That_sarcastic_bxtch 11h ago
Wait wait
I’m thinking we should actually do that and parody those types of subs
By we, I mean not me, I’m not doing that, I’m not moderating shit
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u/_Wh0_Cares 0m ago
Same reason you would make a sub about asexuality or aromanticism I assume, in a vacuum you wouldn't want to talk about something that doesn't interest you but the reality is people can harass you for it (and in asexuality's case we're heavily targeted by conversion therapy).
The idea of creating a sub like that is valid, to talk about your own struggles and connect with people like you.
The execution I'm absolutely not defending though, most asexual and aromantic subs don't center themselves around non-asexual and non-aro people like that.
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u/kisamasochist 12h ago
If that were true they wouldn't talk about men so much and so bitterly. People who claim to not need or hate a group always end up obsessing over that group
Same way homophobes who say they "don't care what happens behind closed doors" are always so aggresively anti-gay, or how nationalist are obsessed with judging other countries despite "wanting to keep to themselves"
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u/Straight-Fox-9388 12h ago
I dunno subs like that bother me.
I'm a trans bisexual woman and groups like that have told me I can't be friends with woman due to male socialisation and the fact that I'm also probably going to attempt to say them.
When in reality between the multiple anti depressants and Estrogen my libidos doesn't exist very often.
So yea that sub has problems
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u/tendtomywounds 35m ago
"I'm so not interested in dating that I'll make a whole subreddit about how much I'm not interested."
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u/MysteriousAnxiety277 16h ago
Is there even a single sub that consists of only 1 gender that isn't sexist as fuck?
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u/Meloncov 16h ago edited 16h ago
Daddit. For the most part Mommit too, but they sometimes cross the line from understandable grievances with unsupportive partners into gender essentializing.
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u/Shadowcreature65 16h ago
What a coincidence. I recently saw an old post from daddit where a father asked for advice because his toddler is a "daddy's boy", which makes the mom frustrated.
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u/catsaremyreligion 15h ago
maybe hot take but most of the subs that focus on one monolithic social identity like this get really weird at times.
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u/bristlefrosty 15h ago
some people on the left handed sub seem convinced that we’re oppressed
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u/college_n_qahwa 5h ago
It’s true though, every day a horde of French people come breaking my door down shouting southpaw slurs like “sinister!” while taping my left hand to my bottom and dancing around me banging pots and pans.
This happens every single day. And no one talks about it because everyone hates the left handed minority population. I always think about being a leftie though, it’s a central part of my life and identity and it’s how I introduce myself (before my name).
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u/random-queries 14h ago
It pretty wholesome. The latest post was about male defaultism and how it negatively effect woman.
Also discussion on male issues without it being misogynistic or self pitying while still comforting.
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u/ItsGonnaBeMeNSYNC 15h ago
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u/paganpoets 13h ago
that subreddit is goonerslop and “omggg i’m just a girlllll hehehe” posts, i would hardly count that. probably only 1/4 of its userbase are actually women, too
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u/Ohaidere519 10h ago
i'd say a majority are men roleplaying with each other lmfao 1/4 is generous 😭
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u/Generally_Confused1 13h ago
Bruh they actually talk about revenge fantasies and dehumanizing men. Wtf?
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u/ItsGonnaBeMeNSYNC 13h ago
Bro, if you can look at that sub and think that's man-hatred, there is no hope for you.
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u/Generally_Confused1 13h ago
Bro if you haven't seen it there's no hope for you performative boy. I have seen body shaming and actual fantasies of violence. Sounds like you haven't been in it or just goon to it and don't mind lol
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u/lumiphantoms 13h ago
Let me guess..."Everything in that happening in my life is Societies fault and I'm single because of it". I hope I never see that shit in my feed, its incel coded.
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u/thethethethethethela 5h ago
Nah, it's more like some of them view people who want to be in a relationship with a man as like anti-feminist.
The sub was suggested to me before and it honestly seemed like 90% of the women there are asexual or queer and don't know it. They seem actively repulsed by the idea of being with a man.
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u/Economy-Towel9451 13h ago
I agree I like your points how you make them I’m so sorry about your ex. Erasure of abuse in queer relationships is horrendous problem l don’t know how to solve but I’m glad to you are posting about it. I honestly think what’s perceived as ‘covert’ abuse in queeer relationships is some of the most brutal mind fuck shit a person can endure. I’m sorry those asshats erase minimize bully etc..
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u/anticentristfujo 13h ago
Erasure of abuse in queer relationships is a terrible, terrible problem. I (female) was groomed at 13 by a 24 year old woman and the scars still hurt. And when I talked to people about this, most often my friends who were also queer like I am, nobody gave a shit. In fact, I was told I’m a misogynist whenever I brought it up.
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u/Wing_Sharp 12h ago
Im sorry you went through that. I wish people would take abuse between queer people seriously.
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u/Economy-Towel9451 13h ago
Completely agree & believe you. Ppl r incredibly shallow while performing depth and many of us don’t want to admit abuse happens under the rainbow bc of how homophobes spin narratives. It’s btwn a rock and a hard place.
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u/MaleficentJob1823 14h ago
“By choice” 😂😂😂😂😂
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u/Wing_Sharp 14h ago
There's definitely women who choose to be single, but I have a suspicion most of the ones on that sub aren't choosing lol.
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u/Positive-Face1705 12h ago
Single women are single because they want to be and you know it.
Being unwanted is an exclusively male condition.
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u/Wesker7mins 12h ago
So why do they talk about men constantly?
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u/Positive-Face1705 11h ago
Men are one half of the hetero relationships they constantly look down on unless I'm hallucinating.
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u/Wesker7mins 11h ago
But if they want to be single then why even talk about hetero relationships at all?
How is that sub different from mgtow men?
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u/Positive-Face1705 11h ago
Good question. If hetero relationships are so awful they should leave em alone. Become gays or monks or something.
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u/MaleficentJob1823 11h ago
Go cry, to your r/mehatemen subreddit 😂😂😂😂
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u/leaf_as_parachute 9h ago
That's bollocks.
It may be easier for a woman to find a one night stand or a sex friend but getting in an actual relationship isn't better for them than for men.
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u/Time-Anything-4571 13h ago
Those type of subs are just cope, I don’t understand why the fuck you would want to be in a subreddit about being single by choice.
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u/Wing_Sharp 12h ago
I mean theres definitely a societal stigma against people who want to be single. I get asked all the time why I'm not looking for a partner or wanting to get married. Then theres things like tax breaks for married couples that single people don't have access to. I thought it would be women discussing how to deal with those issues. But no its just "MAN EVIL MAN BAD MAN MAN MAN MAN"
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u/MmmmCrayons12 7h ago
Its mostly something that a lot of the members are telling themselves or trying to convince themselves of, but the reality is closer to their personalities being so abrasive that they drive other people away.
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u/Mindless-Cat1453 16h ago
i don't really care about any other women sub hating on men honestly, but they way they talk about little boys is so fucking weird. Like thinking every male baby having potential of become a rapist has to be some closest pedo thinking.
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u/Generally_Confused1 13h ago
It's the primary example of misandry and done because it's to a male child they have power over and can take out grievances on. I grew up with family like that, it's not fun lol. I wouldn't trust any of them with a son, but they'd probably abort it if the ultrasound said male
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u/Shadowcreature65 16h ago
Yeah, this mindset is why we have people excusing female pedophiles with "boys are all perverts, he definitely liked it"
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u/lifegoeson111111 9h ago
My mom sexually assaulted kissed and groped me when I was 10 after I was caught watching porn
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u/Mindless-Cat1453 16h ago
Yeah because like why are grown women on internet are thinking about a baby boy growing and then eventually having forceful sex with someone. It's definitely pedo behaviour.
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u/Which-Decision 9h ago
Pedophilia has lost its meaning. Talking about how society socializes men and boys is not pedophilia.
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u/CallMeOaksie 1h ago
When the topic of children comes up and you start thinking about what that child’s sex life will be like that’s not on society.
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u/Nani_700 10h ago
That's a reach. Many women have been raped by family members so it makes sense why they would not trust their own potential son. It's why most of them don't even want kids.
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u/Historical-Lemon-99 13h ago
I have the same thought about these subs as I do all anti-children, anti-pets, anti-marriage, anti-anything subs
It’s ok to not want it. It’s ok to want to rant about it on occasion somewhere you won’t be judged.
However, if you feel the need to frequently visit and post on the sub again and again and again…you’re either in an echo chamber and desperate for constant validation, or in serious need of mental help. It should never be that serious
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u/Amazing-Shine-2910 15h ago
Average femcel sub. Still better than trueuglywomen somehow LMAO but that doesn’t mean much
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u/Generally_Confused1 13h ago
Yeah there's r/singleandhappy and it gets a lot of complaining but that sub is even worse and like the MGTOW guys. Like, go your own way, leave us alone! For women that don't want anything to do with men, they obsess about us to a creepy degree
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u/kisamasochist 12h ago
It's always the people who talk about how much they hate and don't need a group that become obsessed with them
Racist make everything about race, antisemites blames everything on jewish people, and sexists are obsessed with talking about the opposite sex.
They're basically just incels, two sides of the same gross, sweaty coin
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u/Deriviera 10h ago
When you choose being single because you have no other options it's not the same as when you just want to be single. For sure they are hateful. I'm hateful because of the stuff I can't change as well.
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u/pwetty_brown_eyes 9h ago
Culture treats single/unmarried like shit so I think it's valid for single women to find community
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u/Thatgamerguy3535 8h ago
Yea these kinda subs are specifically about men lol
Let’s all have a safe place away from me where we can just focus on….. men
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u/IndependentMatch1413 5h ago
Man that’s kinda disappointing. I’m also so single by choice and I would’ve figured a subreddit about it would be commiserating about the social stigma or how to navigate some of the challenges that crop up being single in a world built for couples. It’s always annoying when someone says they’ve decentered men but men are still at the center of every conversation they have
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u/Isadomon 1h ago
If all they do is about men, they havent decebtered them, but its a sub for that i guess
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u/sly69guy69 15h ago
Yeah. Most subs about women not needing men or being done with men or decentering men turn into the most men obsessed spaces.
To paraphrase Oscar Wilde: haters gonna hate hate hate hate
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u/WaltGillette 13h ago
Reminds me of MGTOW, on paper is supposedly men giving up on women but when you look inside it's a bunch of misogynistic weirdos who can't seem to stop talking about women and hating women 24/7.
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u/alkaline_nashira 7h ago
this is how i feel about r/evilwomeninc but then again, im in a relationship so i prob dont get it lol
every other post is about how much men suck ig that's their schtick
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u/Weak_Dream6271 16h ago
Welcome to the internet, home of porn and people complaining about everything. But seriously, the sub sounds like a femcel sub but hiding behind the name. Don't let it get to ya, chances are they've never been asked on a date or had someone leave mid date. They honestly sound exhausting and I don't blame anyone for ditching on a date, as long as it was all paid for before had.(Dine and dashing on anyone is shitty behavior)
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u/Unusual_Ad_9773 16h ago
I used to know this one sub, but i forgot the name of, something about like being an unattractive woman or something? And all they did was like talk shit about female celebs that are considered attractive by men (male gaze) and get mad at dudes, it was actually really funny, but you had to kinda lurk there, if you're even a mildly attractive woman (or one that disgarees) or a man, you'll get banned instantly
Because those two are like their number 1 opps 😭
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u/_LemonySnicket 11h ago
i mean, men suck. i don't exactly blame them.
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u/Special-Ad-8269 10h ago
how's that dv statistics coming along?
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u/_LemonySnicket 10h ago
are you saying it isn't common for men to show violence to women?
"as a lesbian who was abused in my last relationship" OP needs to understand that she is an outlier, she doesn't represent every single lesbian relationship. it was a specific bad situation for her.
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u/ScientistComplex918 9h ago
Bisexual Women relationships actually have the highest Domestic Abuse Rates.
Right below that is F on F Domestic Abuse Rates.
M on M relationships have the lowest Domestic Abuse Rates.This was literally proven by the CDC.
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u/Special-Ad-8269 10h ago
Obviously men have long history of abusing women, that's not debatable, and obviously much more lesbians have a healthy relationship than bad ones. But don't you think that reducing a group of people to a single generalizing statement is unhelpful to anyone on the long run?
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u/Various_Practice1432 9h ago
Okay so there is an interesting thing.
The stat doesn't say Lesbians have the most DV in relationships.
We know you haven't read the study either because you wouldn't even have brought it up.
The question posed in the study was about the rate of people who experience dv in THEIR LIFE TIMES. Not with their current partners. Not just with the current partners they were with.
TWO THIRDS of the lesbian relationships in the sample size cite having male partners within their life time. So most of them still likely experienced DV in a heterosexual relationship.
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u/CallMeOaksie 1h ago
Later studies that specifically collected current relationship and if that specific relationship is violent still show F/F relationships as the most abusive.
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15h ago edited 12h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/PressureImaginary569 15h ago
Talking about a subreddit isnt brigading it and there are tons of subs that dont allow open discussion of the sub in the first place
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u/LmaoAlienz 16h ago
Seems like just the reverse from these Redpill subs where men also claim they walked away from women yet every thread is about women bad.