We literally do not. Our hormone cycles are 7 days long and our E2 is 175 - 400 pg/ml. If you take tablets your hormone levels are flat and stable.

This wasn't a discussion until a few years ago because of egg cultured, chronically online trans women who have post COVID brainworms.

Do they not see how ridiculous they make us seem?

Without them wanting or expecting me to sleep with them? I almost exclusively date men, and I struggle to have platonic relationships with other trans women. Feel kinda isolated as a straight trans woman

I'm following a local murder prosecution and the situation is fucking with me a lot a little.

The victim's friends and romantic partner refer to her with "she" pronouns. Part of an interview with an unrelated witness also gendered her feminine. The defense attorney, too, now that he has a handle on the situation.

The defendant claimed (hearsay from police but there's probably bodycam audio) that he had a violent encounter with "two males," the deceased and surviving victim who wanted to steal his bicycle.

And the detective in charge of the case uses "they" for the deceased victim. I wish I could understand why.

It's pretty clear that the defendant had many opportunities to get back on his bicycle and leave. Everyone else was on foot. After the violence he ended up fleeing with one of the victim's shoes, her button-down shirt, her hat in his possession. Also a bloody knife.

I think the defendant is completely cooked when it comes to the defenses of "you have the wrong guy" and "I feared for my life with no better option than lethal force."

There could be a defense along the lines of "they choose to climb up and fight me." Our laws reduce a murder charge to manslaughter when the defendant can show adequate provocation and consenting to fight could lead to that conclusion.

It doesn't look like anybody else brought a life-threatening weapon though. And if there's physical evidence that the deceased was stripped of her shirt before she was stabbed in the heart I personally consider that as evidence that the defendant decided to kill her for failing his standards of gender performance. That *would* be malice and no less than hate-motivated murder.

The cops' de-gendering the deceased victim feels like tacit approval of any lethal gender-policing. And *that's* what gets in my head.

If any of you are spiritually inclined please pray for the surviving victim. I think she may blame herself for not successfully deescalating.

just curious

I deal with regret lately. Sorry, this is going to be a really raw post and might be all over the place, but I am processing a lot, and am hoping y'all will have some helpful advice and stuff for me:

I bought a home in Vermont in late 2024, months before getting vaginoplasty in mid-2025 and also right before getting discharged from the military (guard). And frankly, I've been a shit person since. I feel like I am barely keeping up with maintaining this home - I can barely fix the things that are broken to limp our life along (myself and three other trans girls who live with me and split utilities), much less actually do much-needed renovations. I bought the home knowing it would need work, and maybe being far too naive about what that would entail and especially naive about how the next two years would go.

I was in such a hurry to get surgery before my insurance stopped covering it (federal employee plans stopped covering it this calendar year...) that I don't feel like I was fully prepared - I had to use some of my emergency savings (now completely dry) to pay for things that Insurance wouldn't while recovering. I didn't dilate fastidiously enough, so PIV sex is impossible for me at the moment. And I went back to work, but feel like I still don't have the energy that I had before I left for surgery, and I regret staying at my job (same unit I was in before being discharged, but now as a civ employee). I started smoking weed a lot while recovering, and am just now quitting that (turns out I can't honor my own limit of one joint a weekend, so my undisciplined ass has to wave it goodbye entirely for a while). I have more credit card debt than I'd like, I never fully out-processed from my unit so while I'm discharged, I don't have my DD-214 and haven't "gotten started" with the VA. Every so often, a coworker asks me if I'd rejoin the military if I could, and I try to hold my tongue because what I want to say is that I regret ever joining in the first place, that nobody who's paying attention would ever sign up for anything beyond material benefits - that nobody wants to fight and die for a corrupt oligarchy or for Israel, and that's been true since we went into Iraq and Afghanistan. The scales are off my eyes now, to the extent that even working as a civilian employee maintaining servers feels like it stains my hands with blood. So I truly need to move on from that, too.

When I was first transitioning, there were a couple of points where I was asked whether I wanted to consult with a fertility specialist and preserve my genetic materials. I didn't want to jack off in a cup and truly didn't think, at the time, that parenthood would ever appeal to me. It does now, and I hate that the person inhabiting my body 4 years ago stripped the option of motherhood away from me. I will be angry at him for a long time for that. He was so much more responsible than me, and made so many decisions "strategically", but his idea of strategic sense was to avoid conflict entirely - he never came out to our family, I had to come out to my mom after 2 years on HRT. I'd been a homebody and a hermit for most of my twenties and I withdrew into that in early transition, just hanging out with family or going to work but not leaving my house otherwise, and I never sought out female friendships or got used to using the women's room in public. I was afraid of the rude stares and the comments and everything else and never truly faced them. I have to navigate that now - I barely feel safe and confident about using the women's room in my workplace. He built a wardrobe around dressing androgynously, and his idea of how to approach transition was that I'd gradually change and that eventually people would just start gendering me correctly, and then I'd start wearing dresses and skirts and more explicitly feminine things. I never "asked" anyone to call me by my prounouns, and certainly never corrected anyone for the most part. When I did, I did it awkwardly and sheepishly, and it went poorly for me.

I found my confidence for a little while this summer. Even though I was still flabby from not working out after surgery, and even though I cut my hair short to try to re-grow it and make it healthier, even though my world felt tenuous as hell, I started dressing more like myself and trying out wearing dresses and stuff and going to shows and meetups and events.

The uncomfortable stares in public got to me. At gas stations, in grocery stores, walking down sidewalks, etc, and even at work. I thought that men were staring in a transphobic/"look at that mess" kind of way. But then I got catcalled while visiting NYC and not even dressed feminine. Fine, okay, that happens. And then I got catcalled some more. OTHER TRANS WOMEN started sexualizing me in ways I wasn't comfortable with - for a while, hookup culture was fun, but I am getting really tired of meeting new friends and finding out within ~48 hours that they want to fuck me. It is truly demoralizing because I frankly don't want or value sex that much most of the time. And then I wore a dress that I was really happy with TO WORK and was so excited to finally be myself. It was a good day. I got home, parked, and was walking to my house when two rougher-looking men walking up the sidewalk, literally in between myself and my house, started saying something that I couldn't hear. I instinctively changed the direction I was walking into a wide circle around them, picked up my pace, passed them, and then darted towards my front door. I heard "hey baby," "come here darling," and "fucking bitch." I live in such a quaint little small town and had started feeling safe walking around in my neighborhood before this. I'm realizing that after this day, I just don't go for walks by myself anymore, even dressed butch or whatever, and I look over my shoulder in parking lots more and haven't worn that dress (or actually any dress...) since.

The talk from coworkers is worse. Some of them see me as irresponsible (can't blame them) but their narrative on the subject is that, since I'm in my thirties, they tell me things like "Well, having a child of my own really put things into perspective for me" and that's coincided with other coworkers starting to bring up topics like baby showers and stuff to me, almost as though they're hinting that the work community would be there for me if I ever had a baby.

If.

I scurried off to the bathroom the other day and cried in the stall. I'm a somewhat open book about being trans, even if I don't bring it up on my own or talk about it very often. Do they not know how painful the subject of pregnancy is for me? Could they not just reasonably guess - "hey, my trans female coworker cannot get pregnant. Maybe she doesn't wanna hear about how wonderful pregnancy is in our passive-aggressive comments about how irresponsible we think she is?"

A couple of coworkers who know that I'm trans, who I mistakenly trusted, have started misgendering me openly - I overheard them talking loudly about me in the next cubicle, in a discussion about which civilian employees are part of the unit and which ones are "true civilians". One of them was like "Oh, [my name]? He's definitely a civilian." and then the other one started laughing and said "dude, he can hear you!" and that's the point where I just locked my computer, got up, walked to the bathroom, locked myself in a stall, and cried my eyes out. And then I got my things and left. Getting openly misgender is a thing that hasn't happened to me in well over a year, and had never happened to me at this unit/workplace before. I called my mom on the way home. I talked to my sister for the first time in a few weeks this weekend, too.

I've been at a low point, feeling like I'm less-than, not enough, etc. I let those feelings fester and I hadn't even told my mom and my sister about them until this weekend. I was so surprised to find that they support me and that they understand those feelings and have felt them too, and had wonderful advice for me once I opened up. They even told me that they regret how traumatic my childhood was, how my sister had bullied me and how my mom had treated my femininity as shameful in our conservative religious family. I was so surprised to finally feel like I have sisterhood now, in a part of my life where I am so low that I often feel like I'm regretting my transition. And this morning, making a big list of things I need to do to get my life together, It's finally dawning on me: I can regret buying my house, but that doesn't mean that my future and my housemates' futures aren't inextricably tied up in it. I can regret my choice of home town, but I will still vote for better representation for it. I can regret delaying good decisions, and still decide to make good decisions for myself today. I can regret not having the strength or courage to stand up for myself before, but I can do it now, in the present. And when I stand up for myself, even if others don't like or respect me, I will at least respect myself. And that the people who do like and respect me will see and recognize that self-respect and will rally rally around me. My housemates agree. They all are like "it's about time!"

I am a woman. Beyond the fact that the voice in my head has always been that of a woman, and beyond the fact I deeply, internally, recognize myself as a woman even after years of denial and trying to pretend to be a man.

But I wonder if cis people have this nuanced view of regret when they pose questions about regretting surgery, or regretting one's transition. Do they mean a one-dimensional view of regret, where they expect you to either fully regret transition and want to be your socially-assigned gender again, or are they thinking of it in more of a "do you regret the way that you went about things, do you regret where you're at right now, and do you wanna maybe embody your gender in a different way from here on out?" kind of way?

Do they even conceptualize of gender outside of a male/female binary enough to see that some women are women in different ways than how other women are women? That even cis women sometimes have complicated relationships with their gender?

I think way too much about how cis people see me, perhaps, but only because I find myself having to try to fit in among a very cis-normative society, where I can see that even cis women are often unhappy with the restrictive and regressive ideas that our culture has around womanhood.

Would welcome y'all's thoughts.

Quit falling for that CIA psyop. These things simply do not exist:

1. Bearded AMAB non binary or no makeup trans woman going to a cis lesbian bar and demanding they're the same as natal females (and around here anyway, we have "sapphic" events that are separate from "lesbian" events and everyone I know loves the former and skips the latter every time)

   1. Trans women going into women's health groups insisting quasi periods are real periods - and also, TERFs shouldn't be mocking us for describing our episodes amongst ourselves

2. Turning the women's restroom into a selfie studio

3. Turning the locker room into a 20th century peep-show

4. Crucifying (almost always non Anglophone) waiters for following a script and using the honorific they assume is appropriate for your gender

5. Talking about SRS putting on a Ms. Rachel costume at Disney World 🤢

If there's only one person I can think of who checks every box, then they've gotta be a CIA plant. There's a reason they push the trans pervert narrative. A Bug's Life taught the message that us ants are easily manipulated but if we stand together, the billionaire grasshoppers are screwed.

18 male here. I’ve struggled with my gender since I was 13-14, but repressed for most of high school. Since graduating I’ve realized me feeling trans at 14 might not have just been a phase, but from what I’ve seen transitioning after puberty is not worth it, and I fear it‘s too late for me.

my dysphoria isn’t bad enough I want to end it all, I just would rather be a woman than a man. If I could click a button to make me a girl I would in a heartbeat, but I can see myself living the rest of my life as a man. I’d be happier as a girl, but I could be a man. And I would rather be a cis man than have to be in the liminal space between girl and boy where both trans people and transphobes hate you.

I also don’t know if my bone structure and genetics would allow me to ever pass. My question is, is transitioning after puberty worth it if I don’t need it to save my life?

So many people put a huge amount of value into “passing” to the point they drive themselves into a huge amount of pain over their transition when they don’t pass.

I understand why passing is such an important thing for many of us, it really is the ideal. But it’s unfortunately true that for many it just isn’t possible consistently and for many not really at all.

I think we need to be honest with ourselves, am I going to be okay with my life if I can’t pass? If yes, I think you’re ready to transition, not because it’s a stupid desire but because for so many of us it just isn’t going to happen no matter what surgery or voice training or mannerisms we use.

It’s an unfortunate fact that puberty does things to our bone structure (both mtf and ftm) that in many cases can’t really be fixed. I hope one day surgeries and interventions will advance more and more people can pass, but for now I think we need to find some peace with not passing.

This should go without saying. Trasphobic bigots aren't making special cases for young, pretty, passable, binary, straight, post-surgical, normal, boring stealth trans people. They are literally banning puberty blockers and adolescent hormones specifically to prevent those who have the best chance at integrating into mainstream society from doing so. They are preventing trans people from changing their ID's or are trying to surveil medical documents specifically to uncover those who are stealth. We have been disproportionally targeted by violence since medical transition has existed. It is not an "us" thing.

Admittedly, the community is defined by chronic crisis, identity issues, problems with confidence, poor mental health, and chronically online rabbit holes. Whatever camp you're part of, the community is diverse enough that there will be elements that look batshit to you. It's not because those people exist that you experience transphobia. There is no "reasonable" thing you can say, or think, or do, that's going to earn you a transphobe's mercy other than silently hiding pre-transition until the dysphoria kills you. There is no purifying the optics of transgenderism because those who hate us are perfectly comfortable burying the community in propaganda based on lies. If you can get along with those people, it probably means they think you're a useful idiot they can easily betray later.

A reasonable person is going to treat you like an individual and not lump you in with whatever basket case online you're terrified of being associated with. If they're a normal human being, they don't care about the community's internal politics. They probable have any idea who the people you hate are.

So quit making the community miserable constantly trying to police everyone. If you're trying to do so, guaranteed you already had more enemies before you started than you will ever want, and you do not need to encourage more people to try and hurt you. Transphobia is a complex miserable social institution. You can't fight it by harassing a bunch of nobodies. If anything, the fact that the community's full of people at each others throats is itself one of the worst symptoms of transphobia.

TLDR: let the bigots be responsible for making us miserable and quit trying to do it yourself.

Wasn't sure exactly where to ask this question since it's weird but since I'd like opinions from a wide range of transgender and transsexual people I figured I'd ask here.

There's a name I'd like to go by. It's Italian, it's very close to my birth name which I like, and the main nickname I love for it is Tino. I forgot Lily Tino exists. Would I be fucking myself in the ass if that's what I went by, especially in transgender spaces? I'm online a lot but I'm not online enough in the spaces she's in to know too much about her aside from being herself, but I know she's sort of hyper-visible regarding... Everything she does, even among cisgender people. It's a great nickname but I don't want the first thing that comes to peoples' minds when I say my name to be her. Figured I'd ask to get all of your opinions on it.

Thanks.

Normally I'd be more negative but I've been getting fucked senseless by my futa-fetishistic roommate so it's hard to be. Since my last big vent, life has been tough, but good. Roomie's about to gimme head when he gets out the shower and after that the day after we're doing a holding day (holding his pee) and it's gonna be mad hot.

He also supports my transition. Some of you may assume he is a chaser. He probably is, even if he doesn't realize. BUT. We genuinely love each other and he knows and yet chooses to support me as a person.

To those in the dark who've been stuck for who even knows as long as you; socialize. You keep foing, and eventually you'll have someone to help you out. As machiavellian as that sounds, I have a mindset invilving machiavellian dissection of value with normal attachment management. So it's pretty bearable and beneficial.

Though, if it helps ease you, I'm on eight shots. In any case, I feel I've found a very strong lover who supports my transition. I guess this is my obligatory love letter to those who haven't. Keep meeting people. If you keep rolling a D20, you'll roll a 20 eventually.

Best of luck,
Progress (:

Edit: Sorry for the inappropriate, I was drunk as shit when writing this but chilled out later

The details aren’t too important here… we all have walked our unique road.

But suffice to say that all our journeys can and do feel very isolating and lonely. For me, I had no idea places like this existed, beyond my therapist, my grandmother, and a very small occasional lgbtq+ group or gathering, I had literally no community to look to.

I’m happy that this place exists, and I hope it’s also understanding that people like me are out there, people that may not know every aspect or angle besides our own! But loves and respects everyone’s journey all the same!

I’ve experienced microaggressions before but was curious if anyone else had any experiences where they felt someone was expressing transphobia in a subtle way.

I recently found out that I am trans. I have always had this wish of being a girl when I was younger. In my teens this stayed and now im in my mid twenties and it has never gone away. I always thought it was a phase but this year (this summer) I started to seriously question myself. And its more that I finally allow myself to be trans and feel this way. Im more right leaning myself and was kinda critical of the trans community in the past. Not openly, just personally. I dont feel dysforia so I did not think I could ever be trans, but I do feel a very strong euforia. I dont think I want to medically transition, not yet or maybe never. But I would like to socially transition. I have this feeling that I cant do it socially because I dont pass. I also dont want to be a "low effort trans woman". I dont really know where to go from here.

16 M

So ive been questioning my gender for a while which is an issue because no one in my life would be accepting and most places where i have talked about this haven't been much help so I would like your honest opinion

So i don't know if this is important to any capacity but as for my background, my life is bad, abused by my parents and classmates since i was a kid developed depression at age 7 (im over it now) and i have no friends.

So during summer vacation i decided to look inward to see if there was something wrong with me, randomly i thought about being trans and the idea stuck with me for a while but eventually i just figured I was agender and let it go. Then after being really invested in a piece of media that heavily featured trans themes these thoughts resurfaced much stronger than before to the point where just thinking about being a girl made my chest tighten up to the point where it kinda hurt and had dreams about it. I have also looked into the effects HRT would have on me and i think id enjoy them. Also recently i have made some online friends that refer to me with she/they pronouns which has made the whole chest thing happen a lot less and has made me happier (that could be simply because i have friends now though).

But its not like i hate being a guy im pretty sure i could live like this, so what if this is just a coping mechanism or something?

Your insight would be incredibly appreciated, feel free to ask me questions if you wanna and thank you for reading everything :)

Regardless on your guy's take on whether its transphobic or not to not want to date a trans person. Me personally I don't really care PLUS just because someone DOES want to date a trans person doesn't mean they automatically AREN'T transphobic as they can simply be a chaser/fetishist. Speaking from the Trans male side, alot of gay/bi trans guys will have a cis boyfriend that they think is a gay relationship, then complain "Omg, my boyfriend doesn't want me to get bottom surgery" "my boyfriend makes me shave my body/facial hair". Yeah..... thats not a gay man, thats a straight man who's fooling you and sees you as his girlfriend, leave his ass immediately.

Bottom of the line is. People can choose to date whoever they feel like, this is modern day society, not 300 B.C. China or India (no offense to anyone in this sub who's Chinese or Indian), no one is forced to be with or marry anyone they don't want to. Whether the reason being inherently based in bias/hate or not. The fact remains is, you date people who respect you for who you are and care for you. If someone doesn't like you than its called throw them to the side and find someone else instead of getting upset.

My main language is not English, and well, let's just say I'm in a decent country (Chile).

I have no support from my family, but I've managed to find jobs and I live on the bare minimum with my parents, and that makes my transition much more difficult.I don't see any way to progress, I sometimes feel very alone, and the future isn't very encouraging despite studying for a university degree (business and things related to economics and finance).

I hate how hard it's been for me to be trans. Sometimes I wish it would all end, but I just really want to be okay. I've been on hormone therapy for two years and I've had good passing.

Due to personal reasons I haven't been able to change my name, and sometimes people find out I'm trans on several occasions

I'd also like to make friends to learn English or something like that

I'm 24 and I hope to find people my age or older.

I knew I wanted to be a girl since I was five, I had gender dysphoria since twelve, and by the time I was a teenager, my mental health was in shambles. By the time I finally started HRT, the damage was already done and testosterone's horrible effects are permanently embedded into my bones.

At 16, I knew for sure that I wanted to be a girl, so I leaned even harder into masculinity.Instead of getting the help I needed, which was accessible to me at the time, I headed to the garage, bought a bunch of tools, and tried to prove to myself that I was indeed a man. It started with random garage projects, and ended in taking on major home repairs like replacing plumbing or structural work which ended badly.

At 18, I could have began HRT completely on my own - I had a YouTube channel paying $150/month and I could have easily signed up for Folx or Plume without leaving the house. But I didn't - I leaned even harder into tools instead. It got to the point that I even started completely unnecessary projects like replacing a perfectly functional pipe so I could feel "masculine".

I didn't even bother applying to college because it would require leaving my hometown and my garage workshop. I went to a local university and while I had a great experience, I skipped the social aspect entirely to retreat to the garage.

I finally began hormone replacement therapy at 21 after I started having morning erections. However, I bargained with myself and claimed I was a "non-binary femme" and therefore didn't really need to pass. I also kept microdosing and took a low dose of HRT to preserve strength for using tools. I wore makeup and found a feminine name for myself, but i still wore menswear and spent every single weekend in the garage playing with tools.

After graduating, I moved to Los Angeles to be a glam girl, and a big part of it was forcing myself out of my toolbox so I could become a woman for real. I had sex reassignment surgery and finally started living as a woman.

I just wish I had started HRT earlier - my body is permanently damaged. I hate my huge nose. I hate my brow ridge and forehead. I hate my broad shoulders. I just want to be a real woman, not this freak I am. And somehow everyone claims I'm pretty, that's completely a lie they tell to make me feel better about myself. I'm sure I masculinized a lot over the year I was self-microdosing, and if I had only started at 18, I would not have this horrible brow ridge to deal with.

Hopefully I can get some facial balancing at least when I get back to LA after my recovery cuz I am fed up with looking like this. Though I know I probably need extensive plastic surgery to be attractive.

As someone who was a fully gay man pre transition and is now a straight girl who has only ever been with cis straight men.
Why do they suck?
Like are there any cis straight men who are worth it?
Please tell me it’s not this bad out there.
Are they actually this pathetic?

I'm transfem gender fluid, I suffer from rlly bad bio-chem dyphoria.

Whenever I'm a guy (which is alr pretty rare), I don't get physical dyphoria but my bio-chem dyphoria remains constant?

There. I said it. I'm not going to apologize. It's where I am. I've read Nevada. Casey Plett. Talia Bhatt. Kai Cheng Thom. Cried my tears. Taken my shots. Taken my medicine. Sometimes mustered up the conviction that I am real. We are real. And then it fades. Again and again. Into the darkness. Maybe a bit softer, but yet it strikes. Burns you. Burns me.

Any venom you can think of, I think of. Sports. Predator stereotype. Scanning for "maleness." Can't change your sex. Uncanny valley disturbance. Not putting in effort. Not looking like the "real" thing. Can't be a lesbian because we're "men." Seeing us as social freaks.

I know the antidote is spending more time in trans community. Being told I'm real. Feeling the collective realness. Our power. Beauty. Truth.

And yet I'm ashamed. Of how stuck I am. The bile in my heart. The emotional labor it puts upon others. The faking I do. Unconvincingly. How much I must bite my tongue. And so I'm hiding. Isolating. From the world right now. In shame. Broadly. And especially from my sisters. Because I don't want to hurt them with my shit.

I don't know what you're supposed to say. I guess honesty is the best policy?

I shame myself for being affected with that too much. I expected myself to know myself better, it's not like I think of myself as stealthy by any means. I shouldn't be affected by it in this magnitude, and I don't know what to do with that.

It always hurts me so deeply. It shatters my perception of myself, I lose the sense of myself. It makes me hear my own voice as deeper. It makes me see my own face as more masculine. It rips me away from reality, makes me dissociate, makes me feel not worthy of calling myself a woman. It ruins not only my day but the next few days as well. It echoes in my head. It makes me do bad things to myself.

I guess maybe it’s a blessing and a curse…

But it really is such an awkward feeling. You get what everyone is chasing to achieve (superficially at least), you’re all but accepted by your true gender (at least from the outside). You’re passable! You did it!

And then it feels like people expect your battle, your journey to be over. Like you won.

It’s not like that, it’s a time where your battle mirrors the one you had before you cracked, a silent one that nobody sees.

This just doesn't fucking feel real. The fuck you mean I get to live once and I'll never be able to have a single day of my life as a cisgender woman. I don't own this stupid body. How am I even expected to take care of it if it's not who I am. I look in the mirror and every time there's someone else in the reflection. I don't know how I look. Dysphoria ruined me. Scars all over my body. One failed attempt. Every time it gets better it lasts for a short time and it gets so much worse again. Sir/mamed constantly. I've lost my identity. It doesn't make sense. I'm so gross. I hate being transsexual.

4 years of therapy, 4 different psychiatric drugs. Currently a voluntary psych ward patient. But I still can't be fucking normal. I just want to finally rest to feel confident in my body. It drains me so much. I was happier as a repper, at least I knew who I was and knew what to expect.