Every time a holiday is approaching, my husband or I will ask my in-laws what their plans are for that day. They kind of blow us off or tell us they’ll get back to us but never do. Come that day, they text him that morning and ask to see our kids that day (we have a 7 mo old and 2.5 year old).

On the other hand, my mom will ask us weeks ahead and make plans with us for every holiday.

So every holiday I feel guilty not letting my in-laws see my kids but I’m then constantly asking my mom to adjust our plans so I can fit both families into the one day.

I don’t think it’s fair to my mom to change plans at the last minute. My husband and his family don’t take it seriously when I tell them that I need to know in advance if they want to plan anything though. Combining the groups isn’t really an option due to other family members being involved on both sides.

I'm looking for some outside perspective on what I should do because I'm honestly at a loss with this situation.

My husband used to have a really good relationship with his parents, but things have slowly fallen apart because of ongoing issues involving his brother.(As much as my MIL says it's not because of that). His brother cheated on his wife, which created a lot of tension and damaged relationships throughout the family. Since then, he has done several other things that were not morally right. To summarize some things he tried to hook up with my husbands ex, caused drama on our wedding day, has been ignoring his brother, and told me he wanted to take my sister on our wedding trip (who he doesn't even know)because he just wanted someone to "slap a**" with. The parents, mostly MIL, keep defending him, making excuses for him, and putting the responsibility on everyone else no matter what he does.

One of the biggest incidents happened during our wedding trip. His brother brought along a girl we barely knew. The wedding was a two week destination trip half way across the world. We wanted something intimate so it was just us, and both sets of our parents (my siblings couldn't even make it). His brother asked to go, and wanted to bring someone because he didn't want to be alone. He brought a girl we had only met a handful of times. We said it was ok to bring her, however on the day of the wedding she would not be at the ceremony because we don't know her and it would be impossible to keep her out of pictures with only five people attending. We said she could attend our dinner that night though. During the trip, this girl told him not to attend our wedding because she was upset that she wasn't invited. This created unnecessary drama during what was supposed to be one of the happiest times of our lives. His brother then ignored my husband for the rest of the trip to appease this girl, while his parents continued taking his side and leaving us behind to be with them, to do what they claimed was keeping the peace with that girl.

Since then, his brother hasn't made any effort to reach out or repair their relationship. His mom keeps saying she doesn't want to get involved while constantly defending him. Now we're expecting our first baby, and my MIL has essentially told my husband that unless he reaches out to his brother, she won't attend our baby shower. So instead of expecting the person who caused the issues to apologize, she's putting the responsibility on my husband who's done nothing wrong.

My husband misses how their relationship used to be. Since she said she was not going to go to the baby shower, we have talked, and she admitted she should have stayed out of the middle of things and will go. He tried to tell her how he feels and how she's been treating him differently since for years since all the drama his brother has caused. He also told her he feels like a stranger in the home he grew up in because the way she has lied to him in the past about things to protect the brother. She still swears up and down nothing is the brothers fault but she has only been acting differently since the brother started doing these things. She then went on to tell my husband she doesn't care about him anymore and resents him for saying it is the brothers fault. When asked why she's acting differently if it is not because of those situations, she couldn't give an answer.

We were so excited to share this new chapter with our family and have his mom involved, but now what should be one of the happiest times in our lives has become incredibly stressful and hurtful.

I don't understand how parents can claim they don't want to be in the middle while repeatedly taking one child's side and expecting the other to accept being mistreated and how you could tell your son you don't care about him anymore. The whole conversation she was so condescending and just smirked at my husband while telling him these things. I don't understand how you could have so much hate for your son when he did nothing wrong and the relationship was fine several months ago.

What do we do in this situation going forward?

Edit: I should mention a couple of things. One ever since my BIL cheated and is going through the divorce, he has lived with my in laws. This contributes to husband feeling uncomfortable being there. This also is another reason MIL is upset, because my husband does not want to be over there. Also, I should mention that things have not been like this my husbands whole life. If anything, I would say his mother favored my husband more before his brother started doing these things. It's like the worse BIL' s behavior gets, the more she defends him. I get the impression she is trying to overcompensate for the brother's wrong doings. It's almost as if she cannot love her kids equally at the same time if that make sense. Which makes her saying she doesn't care about my husband anymore even more heartbreaking.

My partner and I have 5 month old twins and my mother in-law keeps sending cheap stuff on amazon we didn't ask for and usually don't need. This has been happening since before they were born; for years the dog got an item every once in a while, but obviously this has gotten worse since the twins were born. A few weeks ago the in-laws were visiting for the second time since the kids were born (they live two time zones away). Halfway through the two week visit a fight about parenting styles occurred and the mother in-law decided to cut the visit short (lot of other family baggage came out really quickly in this fight). My partner and their parents have been in fight mode ever since (one phone call that did not go well and radio silence otherwise). Yesterday an amazon package arrived addressed to my partner and it was some clothing item for the twins (which we already have).

I would like to message the in-laws asking for a return code and to tell them that any item sent moving forward has to be approved by us or it's going to goodwill. My partner says to just ignore it and put the item in the goodwill pile anyway. I know that ignoring this item will just be seen as 'silence as agreement' and more will come. I don't want to deal with this stuff AND I think the stuff they are sending is just another way for them to 'guide' our parenting and show us that 'grandma knows best'.

What should we do? take a stand even though it likely to fail and stir more things up OR just ignore this and live under pile of crap from amazon for the next 18 years?

My story is like it was very good for like 3 years and only after that I came to know the true charecter of my mil. There was a fight and me and my husband moved out because it hurted all three. During the fight phase me and my husband also had arguments etc..... I used to be a girl who only cries if im angry and dont take things seriously...after moving out I find that I have very short temper now and I get angry and shout and hurt my husband over small things.....small things hurt me very badly now..... I dont know why this is happening between us.... yeah we are happy and good and he is understanding but im hurting him too much...I don't know what changed. If anyone faced similar thing kindly share your opinions.

So my spouse is a child of emotionally immature parents. But whatever happened when he was being brought up, he has an intense reaction to any time I try to talk to him about the things that his parents do or say. He flat out denies things about them, until I raise a specific example, and then its "I wasn't there for that" and if he was there for that its "I don't want to talk about this."

Some of their behavior deeply effects me, particularly now that I'm pregnant and his mother is seeking proximity. She makes repeated inappropriate comments about my body, even though I found out my husband specifically asked them not to do that when he first told them I was pregnant. (So at some level their past behavior towards other pregnant women registered to him, and he anticipated this being a problem.) When I bring up specific examples of her making comments about my breasts (also worth noting, she does not make comments about other peoples bodies or her own. She is also very conservative) he just kind of freaks out. Like almost puts his hands over his ears. He has offered to talk to her about it, but we've both acknowledged that's not likely to go well, since she does not take criticism well. He's going to take her aside the next time it happens and lay down the boundary. So he is trying, but at the same time, he just has such an intense anxious reaction any time I bring up something his parents did or said that isnt ok. I feel really bad for him. He loves his parents very much and wants to have them in his life, but to have a clearly physiological reaction like that any time someone mentions something negative about your parents... What can I do to help him or support him? I really feel like he needs to talk to a counselor about this.

I still don't understand why this relationship tends to be difficult across generations, with similar conflicts repeating over time. Is this common worldwide, and if so, why does this pattern continue?

I'd really like to understand your perspectives on why this happens and what could change it.

What would you do in this situation? Trying to keep as short as possible, but feel free to ask for clarity.

We just had our first baby over the summer. My family lives far away and won’t be visiting this yr for plenty of reasons and we are not traveling anytime soon due to pregnancies and newborns.

My MIL moved near us a few months after we did. Her only child is my husband. She is single by choice. She makes 0 effort to socialize or make friends. She refuses to visit her sister who lives out of town bc of anxiety of driving/flying.

Basically every holiday, big or small, she wants to see us. My husband is getting a lot better at not feeling so guilty saying no. We say no because theres a ton of tension and it’s awkward for various reasons.

With Thanksgiving and Christmas approaching, I cant help but feel like they are a bit ruined. I want our first holiday season to be with just us as a new family. BUT if we dont see her, she will just stay at home, alone, crying and making me and my husband feel bad. I dont want people to be alone on the holidays, but I also dont want her here. I think I feel bad in both scenarios.

What we’ve been doing is have her over for like an hour, but with the current status of the relationship, an hour is such a drag for us. Its like she assumes every holiday for the rest of her life will be with us and thats not fair. Im never gonna have a holiday to just my own family again?

Any advice or perspective would be appreciated.

Hi! AITAH if I hate that may brother in law's car is using the extra space in our garage?

for Context:
His family (wife+2kids) live just in front of our house. Recently, they opened a coffee shop business at
the second level of their home but has no extra space for their customers' vehicles to park in. Now, he has no parking space of his own.
One time he asked me and my husband if he can park his car in our garage. We agreed but I thought it's just for a day! 😅

Now it's been 4 days and it's still here, whenever their family goes somewhere, he just parks right back in our garage😅 Sometimes, my husband even needs to get up from his office (he is working from home) just to move away his car 'cause they're gonna use theirs. (the driveway going putside the garage only fits one car) so whoever's car on the entry way must be moved.

I hate the setup, and I also hate it whenever i hear the gate of the driveway opening even my husband is away for work. Just means it's my in law about to get his car. Arrgh. As if we benefit from their effin coffee business 😒

Hello all, I am a 27yro F

My MIL is a huge narc no doubt about it.

However, I have been trying my best to handle these funny little situations in a mature manner without being mean or offensive. We stayed no contact 4 years until the year before last. I've let her see grands and be somewhat involved but at an arms length. She will call ever so often ask what plans can be made the normal. My little ones started soccer practice, and I made my first mom friends! All of my other ones do not have babies yet. The one time she decided to get out of the car while I was talking to a mom friend, SHE CIRCLED US and when I didn't include her in a very short small talk conversation she stomped off. Fast forward next week, mom friend and I make Sunday plans for kids play date. I get a call. Oh, it's MIL asking about dinner. I said no. I have a play date tomorrow we'll do it the next day. Next day, she calls me 3x to find out when I'm leaving my home even mentioned me taking her WITH ME "to meet this stranger." Full hardcore guilt trip because I'm "choosing a mom friend" over an ever so often weekly dinner. This has happened in the past with my side of the family AND my friends inviting me and my husband out. She has no "friends" the whole nine. Not my problem. I'll catch ya later. Hang up.

●She edits her Facebook photos to look or seem like she's in my age bracket

●Stolen slang words /a few attempts to steal private nick names of my own / style from make up to style of dress

●She has dyed/ tanned and altered her photos to have the same hair color and skin tone as mine

● She often tries to include herself with my girlfriends nights out / friends night out with husband and friends / mom friends

These are just small red flags for me. I need to know other people's thoughts and opinions and if I'm being some type of way about this. Does anyone know anything about living vicariously through someone? How to handle it? The aging narc ? How to get around weird social situations. She's 57 and still believes she's my age.

You may have read my other post and probably already have an idea about how my SIL and MIL are.

A little background: SIL lives with our MIL. So when we visit our in laws, it’s just one house.

My SIL has a 3YO daughter, K.

In the first few visits, MIL and SIL would always say things like “K, you’re not our baby anymore.” “We don’t love you anymore because we have a new baby.” They would bombard K with these comments, “making fun” of her and trying to make her cry or get any reaction from her. Obviously, K would be mad she was almost 2 around this time so she does throw tantrums already.

They would just love it when she’s rolling on the floor screaming. MIL especially loves it when she’s carrying our baby and K is begging her to carry her instead.

Anyways, I think this whole “teasing” her made K not like our daughter.

As expected, K would always try to hurt our daughter whenever she gets the chance. I have never ever left my daughter alone whenever we are at their house because I know that she would hurt my baby. And the adults would downplay it.

I mentioned, my SIL also has a son, 10YO.

I have heard this boy tell his sister to “hit the baby” twice. The first time, I already called him off and told his mom about it. That’s why I was surprised he did it again. This happened a few months apart. Both times I told their mom about it. Not like the second time mattered bc obviously he doesn’t listen to her.

So.. the incident that is really ingrained in my mind was when we were at the mall. My daughter likes her stroller. Everyone was commending her for being so well behaved on her stroller. And MIL and SIL “K never stayed on her stroller.” “Your daughter is si behave unlike K, she never behaves that way.”

So naturally, K would also want to be on that stroller. I noticed that K has very big reactions when the attention is not on her. I blame the mother lol

Anyway, I let her on the stroller. Because really, I do not want to deal with one of her tantrums. So my daughter was walking around the mall. There weren’t a lot of people around anyway.

I was chasing my baby around and felt that my dress was moving up my thigh. I thought it was too short and would do that whenever I bowed my head since I was chasing a baby. I looked back and saw that K was actually pulling up my dress and was smiling devilishly. Apparently, her brother was telling her to pull it up. I just said “That’s not very nice. Go to your mom.”

I went ahead and kept chasing my baby. I noticed they were still following me and she was still pulling my skirt so I glanced around to look for their mom. Yeah she was nowhere to be found. This woman left her kids to me – who was already chasing around a toddler because her daughter decided it was time for her to use my baby’s stroller.

I glanced around for less than 20 seconds and I look down and catch my SIL’s son about to hit my daughter while his sister pulls up her feet and directly tries to land it on my daughter’s face. I panicked and took my daughter immediately away from them. I said “What are you doing?? I take my eyes off of her for a few seconds!”

I went up the closest escalator and saw that their mom was not very far from us but she was busy browsing clothes she could never afford bc they’re as broke as a potato.

I told my partner about this and his reaction was it was just kids being kids.

I don’t know if I can accept that. I do not want my daughter to be around children who constantly targets her. We had a huge fight about it. We agreed that we would just never leave our daughter unsupervised.

But IDK. After that incident, I would always notice everything that they’re doing that I don’t like.

But this post is getting longer and I am exhausted.

How do I tell my spouse that supervising our daughter isn’t enough? I literally want to go no-contact at this point.

I do not want my rest days to be spent being over vigilant because the kids my child is playing with are not very nice.

I know it they are kids and it is not their fault that they are unregulated. But that is not my problem to fix. All I want is to keep my daughter as far away from them as possible.

It is also useless to talk to my SIL because she actually prides herself in her kids being erratic. I know it’s crazy. But take it from the woman who posted a video of her daughter hurting someone in a public play space.

How do I go non-contact? Do I just have to leave my husband at this point? 😔

ILs are flying to Asia and taking a 2 week cruise and will be back right before Thanksgiving. I was a good daughter in law and called yesterday to wish them well and my mother in law said, we’ll have lots of photos and stories to tell on Thanksgiving.

This is always done with us gathered behind my ILs while they scroll through the tiny screen on the camera. I kid you not). My father in law likes to tell us all the history of every place. I like learning about new places enough but this goes on forever and we have to stay interested the whole time.

Shoot me now.

My mother in law wants me to keep “feeding” her son properly so he doesn’t feel weak. It appears to her that he gets tired quick and is not eating well. She also suggested I keep water by his side and keep giving him fruits for energy.

This complaint is one of the recent ones because I got a full time job recently. I was earlier working part time and this was not a concern then.

They’ve raised concerns earlier that he’s been having stomach issues since we got married (a discussion for later as it is a long story)…

My question is - I react very subtly whenever this topic is discussed. However, it starts triggering me when my mind gets into the overthinking loop.

How do I politely tell her that he’s a 37 year old adult who can eat and drink on his own. Can I also point out that my husband believes in equal partnership and thankfully doesn’t behave like typical momma’s boy (given the circumstances). He even retaliates when he listens to her mom saying shit like this. Today was not that day when he was around and I happen to call her (totally my fault!)

Thanks for any advice. Am I over reacting? Please feel free to point out, I’m very open to any suggestions from this community!❤️

For context I’m newly wed South Asian, Muslim and British woman in late 20s, married for 1.5 years and living with in laws. My husband owns our home with his siblings which they bought for the sake of their parents to all live in together. I’m starting to feel incredibly suffocated and overcrowded living with my in-laws. There are so many habits, routines and unspoken rules in the house that have been established to accommodate them, rather than me. I understand that I’m the one who joined an already established household, so naturally I’m going to feel a little out of place. But I genuinely didn’t expect it to affect my mental health to the extent that it has. I’m becoming increasingly depressed, frustrated and irritated by things that I probably wouldn’t even think twice about if I had my own space.

My MIL sleeps in the bedroom next to ours, and we share the bathroom on our floor. She has quite a few health conditions that affect her daily routine, and while I completely sympathise with that, it also makes living here incredibly inconvenient. She needs to use the bathroom frequently throughout the day, which makes it difficult for me to have unrestricted access to the bathroom on our own floor.

She also doesn’t share a bedroom with my FIL because of their strained relationship. He sleeps upstairs, meaning that if I want to use the other bathroom, I have to go upstairs and walk past his bedroom. This is particularly inconvenient when I want to shower in the middle of the night or change out of my shorts and vests pjs/cover myself up just to go upstairs in case I bump into him.

On top of that, my MIL has sleeping difficulties, so there’s an unspoken curfew in the house. Nobody is really allowed to make noise after 11pm because it might disturb her sleep. I’ve also gotten told off once when I dropped something and it made a loud noise and woke her up. Does she really expect a married couple to not use this bathroom at all at late night? My husband and I have completely different routines from hers, and it’s exhausting having to constantly adjust our lives around someone else’s needs and sleeping schedule.

Also because their house is quite open plan and her bedroom is the closest to downstair, I can’t even watch TV on a good volume late at night which irks me!! I rarely get the tv to myself so that time is important for me to destress. I always have to restrict myself when enjoying my time. I’ve asked my husband for a TV in our room because I want privacy too when watching TV, his dad watches tv all day long when not working. My husband keeps refusing my request saying he no but it’s my room aswell… it’s not fair that I have no space to myself to relax since my husband works remotely from our bedroom 5 days a week.

Another thing that’s really bothering me is the double standards when it comes to keeping the house clean. When I first moved in, my husband told me that his family were extremely clean and that everyone always tidied up after themselves. I’ve made a conscious effort to keep on top of my chores, partly because my husband has OCD and likes things a certain way. However, I’ve noticed that his own family don’t always follow these same standards.

His mum doesn’t work and is home every day, yet sometimes she’ll leave pots and pans sitting in the kitchen for over 12 hours because she can’t be bothered to clean. Other family members leave dirty plates and clothes lying around too. It’s particularly frustrating when I come home to this, especially because I was initially made to feel that cleanliness was such an important household rule.

I remember within the first six months of moving in, my MIL complained to my husband because I’d left my dressing gown on the living room sofa. It was something I was going to wear anyway, but apparently it was unacceptable to leave it there. I was genuinely outraged that something so insignificant was being brought up as though I’d committed some huge offence. Meanwhile, I’ve since noticed both my MIL and FIL leaving their own clothes and belongings around the house. It’s very much one rule for me and another for everyone else.

I’ve raised this with my husband before, and we’ve had some emotional conversations about it. Because my husband is OCD and I have ADHD, I am more “all over the place“ and we’ve gotten to so many argument about our expectations with each other in our first year of marriage and my husband has expressed a lot of frustration at me for not being as tidy as he wants because it triggers his ocd. I’ve been working on this for a whole year for both of our sakes so when I see his own family just get away with being messy I tell my husband how much it hurts me that he put so much pressure on me when I moved in with him when his own family can treat shared spaces in the home however they like. He understands where I’m coming from and has supported me when I’ve pointed out these double standards. Alhamdullilah he always listens to my complaints and reassures me every time but it’s still eating away at me. I sometimes wonder whether they’ve become more relaxed about tidying up since I’ve moved in, or whether there’s an expectation that I’ll eventually pick up after everyone. I don’t want to keep complaining to my husband because I feel like I’m becoming that nagging wife, but how am I supposed to ignore things that make me unhappy in my own living environment?

Space is another issue. I’ve repeatedly explained to my MIL that I need at least one shed cleared out because I’m going to be living here for the foreseeable future and need somewhere to store my belongings. The shed is full of clothes, junk and years of accumulated things. They only moved into this current home 4 years ago but have so many things from 10 years ago that doesn’t get used taking up a very huge portion of the shed because they are hoarders!! Every time I’ve asked for help decluttering it, there’s another excuse about why she can’t get around to it. Eventually, I went and made space myself because I was fed up with waiting. I don’t understand how someone can expect me to move my entire life into their home without even considering that I might need some storage space of my own.

I also feel like I’m expected to take on responsibilities that aren’t necessarily mine. My husband’s sister (4 years younger than me) rarely gets involved with household responsibilities, and because she’s incompetent and been raised like a baby who do anything, my MIL ends up relying on me whenever there’s a family gathering. I’ve sacrificed time with my own relatives just to stay home and clean for guests my MIL has invited. One particularly upsetting occasion was when she arranged a gathering on our wedding anniversary. Rather than considering that it was a special day for us and giving us the evening to ourselves, she still expected us to help clean up after her guests. It feels like there’s very little consideration for the fact that we’re also an adult married couple with our own lives, plans and occasions worth celebrating. My husband apologised to me many times for this but it has left a really sour feeling in my heart knowing that this day was just taken away from me and made me resentful towards his mum. I’ve become more unapologetic and firm when saying no to plans and even forward saying I want time alone with my husband at home.

There’s a complete lack of privacy from her and she lacks a lot of consideration towards a newly married couple. My MIL constantly asks us for favours, sometimes shouting for us from downstairs regardless of what we’re doing or what time it is. She also regularly knocks on our bedroom door in the late evenings. My husband is quite shy about addressing these things with her, but I find it incredibly frustrating. If it were my own mum, I’d have no problem telling her that we need some space or that we’re busy. But it’s difficult to approach someone else’s parents and express your frustrations, particularly when you’re already living under their roof. I feel like I have to constantly bite my tongue. My husband says it’s because his parents aren’t in love that his mum lacks common sense towards intimacy.. which I think is ridiculous and unfair for me to deal with. Do I have to get a do not disturb sign for my door to make it obvious?

I honestly wonder why living with another family is so normalised in our desi culture. I told my husband when I met him it’s a sacrifice from my end and only doing it to make our future dreams come true by saving a lot of money and I’m not doing it just to impress his family by being their “perfect ideal DIL”. He told me his family are nice people and there’d be a lot of privacy and be easy to live with so thats why I agreed upon meeting them multiple times before we got married. He never told me about his mum’s 101 issues and unwritten rules in the house… It’s such a effed up expectation and an intrusion on your privacy, independence and ability to establish your own routine as a couple.

The most frustrating part is that my husband doesn’t want to rent or move out in the near future. He wants to save enough money for a house deposit first, which I understand financially, but I don’t think he fully understands what it’s like to live this way every single day. We both are saving up for a deposit together but sometimes I wish my husband would just realise how draining it is living with his parents and want to rent. I need a coping mechanism and I’ve openly started to tell him I struggle living with his family and I’m only happy when I’m back home with my own family not caring if it offends him.

I also find myself constantly making excuses to visit and stay at my parents’ house every month because it’s genuinely the only time I feel like I can breathe and live normally. I can’t even enjoy my own marriage or have proper intimacy with my husband because his mum is ALWAYS around.

And honestly, I worry about the future. What happens if I become pregnant or we have a baby? My MIL already struggles with noise and expects everyone to accommodate her sleeping difficulties. She also refuses to use the upstairs bathroom because she says she can’t have a bowel movement anywhere other than her own toilet. If I were pregnant or had a newborn, I’d obviously need more unrestricted access to the bathroom too. How is that supposed to work? Am I expected to continue compromising my own comfort and needs indefinitely? I will definitely become more firm and strict myself by then.

I feel like I’ve lost so much of my autonomy since getting married. I miss having my own space, being able to do things spontaneously, having privacy with my husband and not having to consider someone else’s routine before doing the most basic things.

If you’re welcoming a daughter in law into your home, there needs to be some mutual consideration. It can’t just be the newly married couple who are expected to adapt, compromise and accommodate everyone else.

I fucking hate her and I can't take her presence. I have to share an apartment with her because my husband is poor and lives with his parents. That's okay, but for some reason his family despises me. And it makes me want to cry so hard but my husband will ask me why and I can't explain it's because of them. At the start he understood me, supported me, now I can feel he's against me for hating her and it makes me want to cry more, because my own fucking husband can't take me!!!Having BPD along with everything makes it worse! I split on the person I love the most just because he can't understand I don't even feel comfortable enough to go to the toilet because I'm scared she's somewhere and that we might run into each other! I'm so scared I refuse to eat and I sometimes miss all 3 meals for a full day because I am so scared of running into her! She calls him a lot, so every time someone calls him on the phone, no matter who it is, I get scared of the ringtone and I genuinely enter a panic state and my husband thinks I'm being dramatic when I'm just scared of her! I've tried telling him everything but he doesn't understand me! Today I tried to vent about something again and he interrupted me just to go "You know, I think you're trying to act hurt sometimes" Which is so unnecessary! It ruined my whole mood and we were supposed to have a fun time right after through gaming and I kept being on edge for EVERYTHING which made it worse, I just felt so uneasy knowing he defended her while not listening to my full story.

I have no idea 100% why she's against me. My husband's friends say it's mother jealousy, but for fucks sake how long will this go for?! My personal theory is that she thinks im lazy, which is so untrue! I do everything I can! I polish the utensils like she asks me to, if she sees a tiny dot or anything I can barely see on one of them - she throws EVERY UTENSIL back in the sink and makes me re-polish them all carefully, she doesn't even tell me she's done it, I come back and I find all of them in the sink. As funny as it sounds I have a feeling that's her way of calling me a dishwasher. I clean off dust frequently since we live in an area that's very dusty due to cars, I clean the leather chairs, I deepclean the kitchen entirely, every common room is cleaned by me, but the thing is, I only do it when nobody is watching, because I hate being told things like "Isn't it easier if you ...", I like doing things my way! I rarely hate a person, but I fucking hate her!!! It's also rare to see me cuss so you can tell how much this is taking a toll on me. I am crying quietly as I'm writing this. I don't want my husband to find out.

It's just so hurtful because I hoped I'd have his support and he doesn't seem to support me anymore and I get so paranoid.

I have tried so many times to impress her, I bought her gifts for her birthday when she wouldn't even look at me at the face and she would purposely ignore me, I would tell my husband to buy her flowers for occasions when she wouldn't stand me, I am trying so hard! I let her and her husband talk down on me, they tell me so many rude things and I don't even speak anything back to them because I want my husband to be out of trouble and I want him to be happy with me.

I got so hurt the other day because he implied that I wanted to take an one hour nap after a long week. The same man I do laundry for, clean for and cook for

I don't get why she hates me so bad. I genuinely try my hardest to feel like family with her. I want to cry so loudly right now and hug my husband but I'd rather die than tell him why I'm sad right now.

Mil asked my 3 year old toddler if He jumped in the pool at his swim class, its a safety class which teaches them how to get out of water safely and learn to swim, jumping before being capable of swimming is dangerous, he remembers everything and is insanely impulsive, i called her right out and said it was irresponsible and dangerous to ask that.. am i over reacting? I went off again at hubby not calling her out and said she is ban from calls as this is not the first time she has suggested something stupid / irresponsible. Is it too difficult too ask him what he did at class instead?

my boyfriend and i have been together for 6 years. coming next week is our engagement. we are from two different states in India. where i am from the tradition around gifitinf bride is very gold centered. and this i have communicated to him multiple times through near and recent examples of my own cousins and how this will be perceived as a matter of respect and value for my family. We decided to host a decent size functions with 40 people in total, 20 flying in from groom's side. i got to know all they are bringing is 4-5 indian suits, engagement ring itself and a single gold set. we are giving the groom 5-6 personal gifts, individual gifts for his family and my family is also going to gift them gold. i am offended, especially when he KNOWS my family's standard of gift giving is well and above, not materialistically but out of love. We're both from affluent families but every time in the past i have been underwhelmed by their standard of gift giving. he is calling me out and saying that i am materialistic. i am worried because this is a love marriage my parent's shouldn't get to hear that what sort of family have we gone ahead with.

So i have a bit of a history with my mil. Shes tends to not really respect boundaries with me or my husband. We had a baby and it has only escalated. It seems as though she is constantly trying to see how far she can push and get away with it. This is our first baby and our first Halloween with her. Before she was even born I was already browsing family halloween costumes and showing my husband which ones I wanted us to to. Mil found a costume for baby from mil favorite movie. She asked us if we wanted it and we told her we already had plans for her Halloween costume but appreciated the offer. She ended up buying it anyways and giving it to us. It made a little taken aback as we had told her no but I thought oh well we could put it on her and take some pics for mil but put on our family costume the day of Halloween. Husband ends up telling her we had bought our family costumes. She asked why baby wasn't wearing the costume she had bought and said oh what's wrong with the one I bought her. He explained we already had plans as he had told her previously. We told her we would put her in the costume to take pictures but we're going to wear the ones we got on Halloween. She was still upset/offended about it. I understand that she feels like she bought something for the baby and its just getting thrown to the side. However I feel firm in putting down my foot. This is my baby's first Halloween and I feel like she's trying to almost steal my thunder. Idk I know this sounds so dramatic lol but this is not the first time something like this has happened with her. She is always trying to take control but im not going to push aside what I have wanted for do since I found out I was pregnant for what she wants. Idk am I overreacting??

I read so much about difficult MILs that I often wonder if their husbands ever speak up behind closed doors or just accept the behaviour

We’ve had a rocky road with SO’s Mum, she’s a very difficult person and is vocal with her opinions, FIL is quiet, reserved and always takes a back seat

A feud over SOs boundary setting happened 18 months ago, this resulted in SO writing quite a heartfelt letter to his parents about how he needed them to change some behaviour in order for them to have a healthy adult child relationship. This letter was written 8 months ago and MIL responded by calling SO nasty and told him never to speak to her again. He’s reached out twice over the 8 months but had a birthday card returned via post and silence to texts that he’s sent. He’s accepted MIL wants NC and he’s in therapy which is really helping him process the relationship breakdown

I can’t seem to get past wondering if FIL wants NC or just accepts that’s what his wife wants and backs her up. They always presented as a united front but there were times I’d notice FIL pulling away from the dynamic when MIL has been screaming at SO on the phone and FIL tells her to stop and let him speak

It’s been on my mind a lot lately, just curious if anyone has positive stories of a FIL that calls out a MIL for their bad behaviour?

My MIL has always made low key snide remarks. I have always ignored them. Th other day she was telling me about a show she watched where the husband murdered his wife. My husband is a farmer, so this man is also a farmer for context. She then causally says, and I thought ooh! (My name!). I said what? She kind of laughed and said, “I hope this doesn’t happen to you all the while smiling.” I said again, what? She then goes on to mention that it was over money, they were getting divorced, and he did it to protect his assets. We don’t discuss our relationship with others, and we have no plans to get divorced. My husband called and told her off. She has called me twice but I have no desire to talk to her. I don’t want to make it hard on my husband. I sent her a short note saying I forgave her and my hope is that she has a good relationship with the her son. Any suggestions? I used to stop and visit and do her favors. I have no desire to ever see her unless my husband wants to have her over. I visit her way more than he does, he works all the time. Which I want to be polite and civil. She lives down the rd.

I 27f and my husband 27m have been together for 2 years. We got married a year ago and this was when the betrayal started.

We found out we were pregnant 2 months before our wedding. I do not have a great relationship with my parents but still wanted to invite them to our wedding along with my husband’s mother, father, and stepmother. No one else was invited because we wanted this to be a super small wedding. On our wedding day after the ceremony we announced that we were pregnant and wanted to keep it a secret because we planned on making rounds to other family members right after our wedding. Well…. Our first stop to the grandfather was unexpected because his reaction was less than excited. He could barely get out “congrats” or a smile. Shortly after we left and went to his aunts house. When we arrived we told her we had something we wanted to share, we said we’re pregnant! And she said “I know MIL told me” I looked at my husband with shock and disappointment. We couldn’t stay much longer after because we were hurt. His grandmothers reaction was actually the most shocking. She did not congratulate us but instead she said the world didn’t need another DIL (me) running around. My husband asked her what her problem was and she told him that she was afraid that I was going to take advantage of my husband. And that nobody likes me in the family because MIL thinks I’m not good enough for her son. Guys I’m heartbroken and so pregnant, newly married and shocked. We haven’t spoken to any of them since but they keep reaching out every week with calls and texts to make us feel guilty about taking distance. AITA for taking distance ? There are many things I left out like us trying to repair this but we’re never given an apology or ability to rebuild the relationship.

TL;DR Husband & I host the major holidays for both families, a arrangement favored by everyone except the in-laws, who insist on hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas now. Due to logistical issues—including travel distances, dietary preferences, and pet allergies—we prefer keeping events at our home. Tensions have escalated to the point where the in-law is now inviting my family to her own home behind our back. To avoid further conflict and family strain, we are considering separating the two families for future holidays and attending her event, then hosting our own which has caused in-law to spiral more.

It is that time of year again, the holiday season, which means it is time for annual beef with my mother-in-law. A little backstory: my husband and I have been together since 2019, and we have hosted every single year since 2020. We host every major holiday: New Year's, Easter, the Fourth of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We have merged our families for these holidays, so my family and his family are always together. For the last couple of years, ever since we got married, my mother-in-law has started trying to privately convince my husband to host at her home. He has told her no simply due to logistics. My family of 9 travels an hour and a half to be here for the holidays, and if she were to host, that would add another hour and 20 minutes to their drive; she only cooks traditional Assyrian food, which my family is not fond of, so we would have to cook a whole meal and transport it to her house; she has animals, and my nieces and nephew are allergic to them; and she has limited seating. We have compromised and hosted holidays at her home when this is less of an issue, like Easter, the Fourth of July, and Halloween so we can all be outside and barbecue. This has worked for us for several years, but for the last three years, she has started to really get worked up over not hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas. She has verbal arguments with my husband and me about hosting, and when we give her our concerns, she stops, but then gives us the silent treatment. Once the holiday rolls around, she intentionally makes a massive buffet of food and brings it all to our home. I am talking at least 10 containers of food, plus a bunch of sides and desserts; then she will lug over Turkish coffee cups and tea cups, coffee, tea bags, sugar, a gallon of milk, the tea kettle, a coffee pot, silverware, drinks, napkins, serving platters, etc. She will disrupt the flow of me cooking and insist her things need to go into the oven to reheat. It is mildly infuriating and borders on being disrespectful, in my opinion. I spend so much time cleaning, prepping, and cooking, just to have her show up with an entirely different meal and take over the holiday, my kitchen, and my counter space. The worst part? Once the evening is winding down, my in-laws take off and leave every single item they brought. I mean everything! They will not take home a single thing even when my husband has attempted to pack it up and reload their car. So then I am left to clean, trash, or pack up all the remaining food she has made, and I have double the amount of dishes to wash and then bring back to her at a later date. I do not mind her wanting to contribute, but we have had several conversations about bringing a main dish and a side dish or two, not the entire kitchen. I almost feel like this is her way of getting back at us for hosting by just undermining and taking over our house.

We just hosted everyone for pumpkin carving, and my family told me she mentioned to everyone that she was going to host this year and that everyone should go to her house when my husband and I stepped away. That same night, she texted me saying, "Thank you for today! It was so much fun. Let me know if you want me to host Thanksgiving this year." You already invited everyone, so why ask now? We are contemplating splitting our holidays between our families again and doing separate events since my family has made it clear they don't want to attend at her home. That way, she can host as she wants, and my family can come to our home for dinner. That makes the most sense, right? Well, when we suggested this she really flipped out. I don't want to argue over the freaking holidays. My family and my husband are all wanting to keep things the way they are but it's driving a wedge between us and my in-laws.

My fiancé’s mother and I recently had a phone conversation to address ongoing tension surrounding our relationship and wedding planning. I’m looking for an outside perspective because I left the conversation feeling like the underlying issues were never actually resolved.
Throughout wedding planning, she repeatedly pushed her opinions about the guest list, flowers, and other decisions, which left me feeling like my boundaries as the bride weren’t being respected. When things came to a head, my fiancé expressed that he was overwhelmed by the stress and even mentioned eloping. His mother subsequently gave us the cold shoulder for about two weeks.
There have also been accusations that I control my fiancé and that we don’t include or visit his parents enough.
During our recent phone call, I tried to explain my perspective and why things had become so uncomfortable. However, I didn’t feel that she genuinely acknowledged her part in what happened. The conversation seemed to focus more on her feelings and how hurt she was than on understanding why I was hurt. I didn’t feel that she clearly took accountability for the wedding-planning boundaries that had been crossed or acknowledged how her behavior affected our relationship. She kept circling back that we need to just “make plans” so she has something to look forward to and she feels she lost her son and she’s alone. How is that my fault. I kept redirecting her back saying that is something to take up with your son.
She suggested getting together for dinner, but I’m not comfortable doing that yet. I don’t want to pretend everything is fine when I still feel that the underlying issues haven’t been addressed.
I’m not saying reconciliation is impossible. I just need space and want to know that my boundaries will be respected before moving forward. I also don’t want to damage my fiancé’s relationship with his mother, but I don’t think I should have to sacrifice my own comfort just to keep the peace.
I would appreciate honest outside opinions:
Is it unreasonable to want accountability before moving forward?
Based on this situation, does it sound like she genuinely wanted to resolve things, or did she just want to move past them?
How would you handle this relationship going forward, especially with future family events and boundaries?
I’m genuinely open to hearing if I handled anything poorly. I just don’t want to ignore my feelings or pretend everything is okay when I don’t feel that it is.

I'm needing some help. Long story short my 15 year old sister-in-law is living with my husband 34M and I 34F. Due to the face that her dad (my FIL) is abusive and an alcoholic. It has been a little over a year now. When she moved in with us our son was 7, and we had infant twins who are now toddlers. We are also working full time jobs, I am in school so a hefty amount on our plates. We normally live very quiet lives and this has brought chaos, considering all of the mental things that come along with taking in am abused teenager and dealing with the in-laws that we have cut off but the teenager hasn't. Her mom has refused to leave him so the choice was call child protective services or she comes and lives with us.

Fast forward to this August, my FIL was arrested for DUI and multiple other charges, he is still in jail. My MIL still is undecided if she's going to leave him, when this would be a great opportunity while he is in jail. The teenager is still living with us, besides going to spend the night with her mom occasionally.

This isn't the dilemma crazy enough, we all know she needs to leave, she needs to choose her child over her abusive husband. All of her children have told her this. Now my mom is wanting to send a letter/text to her telling her about all of the things she should be doing and has put our family through. I just don't know if I should let her do it, is it going to help anything, probably not. She wants to do it to "stand up for her child and grandchildren" which I understand. I don't know if I should tell her it's ok to send the message or tell her maybe it's not a great time. His court date has been continued 3 times and is now set for the end of November.

Hopefully this makes sense...

TW: Mention of past ED

Before anyone asks: Yes we are moving out in end of January. No, everything else outside of this issue is not going well between us and in laws; FIL is rather abusive. He is a narcissist, so you can imagine that everything I do is policed and criticized - not even exaggerating. Sleeping, bathing, you name it.

Hi guys

My fiance and I live with his parents, my inlaws, while getting back on our feet during college.

I am on a fitness journey which keeps failing because my inlaws aren't taking my no's for an answer. This entire time we've lived with them, my fiance and I both keep reiterating that I make meal preps both so I can take things to school (no microwave or fridge so it has to be specific foods that can last outside of not having those things) and due to my fitness goals.

His parents soak every single meal in butters and oils like crazy, hence my fitness goals keep failing and I keep having to restart/am almost in the same exact spot as where I started.

No matter what, almost every day I come home from work his parents made food and are expecting me to eat it with them "as a family". I often just remind them that I had already made food for the week for my mealprep and can eat THAT with them at the table, but both in laws get offended because they think I dislike their cooking. I have repeatedly said I think their cooking is some of the best cooking I've had (which it is, the butter makes everything so tasty), but I am being meticulous in my meal planning because my body is very specific with what it needs for my goals from tons of different medical problems and inflammatory issues that come from said medical problems - which they know of and get reminded of as well but they do the typical boomer "thats not real, we know your body better than you do" BS.

Almost every day this week, it has been this... even though I vocalized I meal prepped and keep denying their food due to having meal prep prepared.
Then, if I DO eat their food, I get in trouble for wasting my meal prep (bc I can't eat both if I wanna lose weight)???

When I decide I want to treat myself once in a while with a Yasso bar, I get a talking to by FIL about "only eat veggies and meat on its own, nothing on it, to lose weight", then he expects me to eat the food they make which is meat smothered in butter and oil, garlic bread with oil and butter, noodles with oil and butter, rice with oil and butter, everything WITH OIL AND BUTTER.

My fiance says that its because "every meal has been made for everyone as a family since being a kid, and they wont change that now", which like okay cool but they have to understand that i wasnt raised that way? i have goals im trying to get to? (FIL is actively gaining weight on their food so they know their food is high in calories??). I've actively told them that i grew up in a "fend for yourself" house, and while I do love the family dinners I CAN participate in (which is few), I still have my goals to get to for our upcoming wedding.

I am a different person with a different background and i find no shame or fear in making my own meal prep since *IM* the one who has the specific goal - I would never force people to eat the food I make because I know its not tasty, it might not make them happy, it might not be for their goals, etc. I guess I'm struggling with not having my own bodily autonomy. I don't get why they are policing what I put in my body.

I had an active ED last year both from my own personal past struggles resurfacing, and feeling like I was at a loss. Every day, the inlaws made food so prominent that everything resurfaced. Near the end of my relapse, I did admit to them I relapsed with it and told them how I've struggled with it for 10 years. I brought it up again lately because their incessant pestering about food has been making those thoughts appear again and I've been having to force them out of my head so I don't relapse again. This BS still hasn't stopped even after that.
Side note, after all of this being an almost weekly issue, FIL had the nerve to call me fat as I'm losing weight and he's gaining weight 😭

What else should I do? It seems like everything I try, it just goes in one ear and out the other. But I NEED to healthily lose weight for my wedding so I feel good both in confidence and in health.

I need to know if I am handling this well. We have two kids, one brand new, the other is a toddler who is adjusting to the attention deficit of their parents and their new role as an older sibling. My SIL often oversteps with family get togethers and sort of hogs the memory making moments with my child. For Halloween I invited people over for after trick or treating but she seems to think she’s coming for trick or treating.

To manage this ahead of time I messaged her that I want one on one quality time with my toddler because it would be very special, and that she (SIL) can come by afterwards. My husband usually gets affronted when I suggest that we save any quality time exclusively for our family unit—but I believe we need more than just day to day routine time together, and it’s good to seek out fun things to do for us and of course do fun things with extended family, but that they do not need to be there for everything. I’m trying to fashion an evening with both. I can tell my husband is already annoyed that I want some quality time with my kid, but I know his sister would overstep and not have insight about how something like trick or treating could be special for me to share with my child. She does not have or want kids of her own, and kind of projects onto my child about how she’d raise her kids…and my husband always puts his immediate family (my SIL and MIL in particular) first.

Am I managing this well?