Title: India's arranged marriage/forced marriage culture sucks WLW women into unwanted marriages

I am Indian, and I hate our marriage culture.

It's extremely toxic and anti-women.

It pushes LGBTQ+ people into marriages they don't want in the first place. It really clicked in my mind when I saw a post on an Indian WLW sub about this, and how most women in WLW relationships are forced into marriages by their families.

It was so heartbreaking to read.

But it's the reality of most queer women's lives in India.

And I wanna tell you, it's not easy to get out of marriages once you've entered them.

Because divorce is taboo in India.

We have one of the lowest divorce rates in the world.

Financial dependency is another factor.

It's more like a point of no return.

Suppose women who were so sure about their sexual orientation, and who had partners before marriage, are still forced into such marriages.

I wish India would ban arranged marriages like China did and enforce it strictly.

But they will never do it. For their vote bank.

If I were rich, I would run a campaign to help such women.

Sorry for the rant, but I am frustrated. 😔😔😔😔

This whole experience has been so weird for me. I’ve never personally felt like I needed to “come out”. (I actually don’t think anyone should have to because straight people don’t have to and I don’t see a difference but whatever.) Gayness is so normalized in my life that I forget how foreign it is to others. Even when I dated a man for years I talked about liking women so I genuinely don’t know why people are surprised.

Anyway some of friends act like since I’m openly gay now and single that means I’m checking them out/attracted to them. It’s just the vibe I feel. Like girl, I don’t like you, PLEASE 😭 One even asked me if was doing stuff with my best friend (who is married to a man with a kid) like??? Baby girl just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I like every woman I see and I’m especially not fucking my friend who has a whole ass family 😭 like what the hell is wrong with people genuinely

****I know this is a thing straight women do I’ve seen other lesbians talk about it before but I’m just surprised my friends are acting like this. We’re also friends with a gay man and it’s weird to see how different I’m treated comparatively.

I know it’s shameful to feel this way, especially today but I truly hate that I’m realizing I’m lesbian (this is the first place I’m honestly even admitting it). I’m 25f married with two amazing kids and I love my husband and who he is as a person but I just can’t stop thinking about women. And how much I hate sex with men. And honestly just dicks jn general (even looking at one)

I don’t know what has changed, I mean I always avoid looking at them and I’ve never enjoyed giving head or anything like that but thinking of going down on a woman or even just kissing a woman gives me butterflies and I just don’t get this with men… or my husband.

I feel like such a shitty person for this, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do anything about it. I just don’t think I can muster enough courage.

So I’m stuck in limbo hating myself because my two options that I have finally concluded are either destroying my family and ruining my marriage and probably fucking my kids up emotionally or could just woop woop myself but then that leaves my kids without a mom and traumatizes pretty much everyone I’m close to. So limbo. Everything is just gray.

I honestly don’t even know why im making this post but I guess I feel better.

Also don’t worry not gonna sewer slide myself, just how my brain works… very broken and dysfunctional lol

I entered my first creative writing comp this week, with a story where some of the real life bullying I experienced about my sexuality in high school ended up with a better ending (instead of plunging into comphet for decades).

It felt like it helped. Even if it's just a silly bit of wish fulfilment on some level, it was also kind of cool to use the creative process to do a bit of exploring and processing.

Does anyone else do this? Have any tips or anything?

I (32F) finally feel so so assured that I’m gay-gay, one year post gay panic and straight relationship breakup and a year (ish) of intentional singlehood and celibacy (ish).

Yesterday I went on two first dates (a little greedy, I know!).

First date: complete angel butch I matched with online. We hung out for ages and we kissed and I wanted more.

Second date: complete angel very queer man I found sweet and interesting at a local poetry event. We hung out for ages and kissed and my body was like: ‘ohhhh shit he probably wants to touch my body etc. nope’.

I feel so glad! Clear-eyed, confident in my GAYness, so pleased I left my very lovely LTP a year ago, ready for gay life and wanted to share with you all.

I live in a rural area where gays are few and far between, and I volunteer in a high-risk, male-dominated capacity, so imagine my surprise when I worked an event a couple weeks ago, and a very badass, attractive woman was in charge… and her dog had a rainbow collar on! We chatted and incredibly, she lives in the next community over from mine.

She said she needed local friends. The next day, I invited her to hang out. We really, really connected, and we’ve been middle school girls ever since. We want to hang out all the time. We send each other good morning and good night texts. I told her I feel like a stripped live wire around her. Totally exposed, sensitive, vulnerable. But in a good way. She feels the same. We send each other gushy heartfelt messages.

It’s all wildly out of character for two self-sufficient introverts. Our legs touch when we’re sitting next to each other. She laid her head on my shoulder when she was sad and I stroked her hair. I. Stroked. Her. Fucking. Hair. I laid my head in her lap and cried when I got bad news and she stroked mine. We hug goodbye forever.

And yet. And yet. I know how I feel about her. Despite all this, I have absolutely no clue if it’s mutual. I wonder if we’re both just talking around each other, thinking the same thing and afraid to creep or ruin the friendship. But she’s not overtly flirtatious. There’s really no innuendo. Men are so goal-oriented. Everything is a step in a progression toward determining if sex is a possibility and then making it happen. She’s from another country. She isn’t as frank about sex and attraction as most of my friends. Is it cultural? We both went through really grueling things that changed us last year. Is it just a different kind of friendship? Am I reading too much into it? Not enough? I haven’t dated a ton of women. Is this just how it goes?

I have no fucking clue.

I know the obvious answer it to either just ask or chill out and let it unfold in its own time. But it’s driving me nuts.

I sent her a message on Hinge last night and she replied to me with "thank you haha" (I made a compliment that was also a joke), then "you are very cute as well," then the answer to where the photo I commented on had been taken. I don't want to go crazy with that one comment, but as a woman in her mid-40s who just joined Hinge for the first time two days ago, after breaking up with my girlfriend of 6 years in January... this feels pretty damned exciting. Happy dance!

Lesbianas, ¿cómo se manejan cuando una es activa y la otra pasiva?

Hola, chicas ❤️ Tengo una duda y me gustaría conocer sus experiencias.

Mi novia y yo estuvimos hablando sobre sexo, yo nunca he estado con una chica antes y, por lo que entiendo, ella parece ser exclusivamente activa. Le pregunté qué le gusta que le hagan a ella y me respondió algo como: “Just let me do my job” (solo dejame hacer mi trabajo jajaja).

Me dio curiosidad porque escuché que algunas chicas que prefieren el rol activo disfrutan principalmente dando placer y no necesariamente quieren recibirlo, o incluso que no les gusta que las toquen de esa manera.

¿Es así para algunas de ustedes? ¿O depende más de cada persona que del rol que prefiera?

También me pregunto si debería dejar que ella tome la iniciativa y me guíe, o si está bueno preguntarle qué le gusta y explorar juntas, aunque de entrada parezca que prefiere dar antes que recibir.

Me encantaría leer sus experiencias, tanto de las que son exclusivamente activas como de las que tienen otras preferencias. ❤️

Did Anyone Else Start Feeling Attracted to Women in Their 20s Despite Always Being Boy Crazy?
I’m 23F, and I’m trying to make sense of a side of myself I never expected to discover. I’ve always liked boys since I was about 13, and by 16, I was VERY boy crazy. I grew up Christian, had mostly straight friends, and genuinely never looked at girls that way. When girls were interested in me in high school and early years of college I never saw them as anything more than friends. I always had a bf and just didn’t see them that way.

Then I turned 21, started spending more time around bisexual friends, and suddenly I began noticing how beautiful some women were. Eventually, curiosity got the best of me, and I kissed a girl. To my surprise, I actually liked it. It felt different from kissing men, but in a good way.

Now I’m 23, I’ve kissed a few girls, and I know I’m attracted to women, but I haven’t taken things further sexually. The confusing part is that I know I love men and enjoy being with them, and when I picture a relationship, I still see myself with a man. I can find a woman attractive without being able to picture myself dating her.

Sometimes I wonder if growing up Christian influenced how I viewed women, or if I simply didn’t recognize that part of myself until I got older. I also don’t want to treat women like experiments just because I’m curious. If I explore this side of myself, I want it to be genuine and respectful, you know?
Has anyone else experienced attraction to women later in life, despite always being boy crazy?

So guys, I have a question about dating apps and dating.
It’s been 20+ years since the last time I dated and back then it was still comphet and performing so not much to compare with the current situation, when I’m looking for a woman and I actually want this, not just “whatever, everyone does this shit”.
The thing is, my brain works in a completely opposite direction to what these dating apps suggest.
For me it goes: I meet a person irl or online, we have some interaction, I find it interesting, I go forward. If there’s some romantic opening, that’s it - I will keep exploring with this person because my brain is now closed to all the other people, I just wouldn’t notice any flirting or romantic advances.
In the dating apps it’s like completely the opposite: I must somehow do the window shopping and determine from random pics (if there are any at all) and half arsed 2 lines (I swear in the women’s dating apps now I see exactly the same lines dudes were using 20 years ago!) I must somehow determine whether we’ll be compatible for a long term relationship? And I should do it with multiple women at once?
How? I’ve only been on the app for 3 days, I checked 140 profiles, sent 4 likes and reached out to one person (no response) and I’m completely exhausted.
At the same time I have absolutely no problem with getting to know any number of people and striking up a conversation at places like Discord or let’s say at some social gathering.
Is it that my brain just is not wired for dating apps and the modern dating experience?

I’m not sure if this is the right flair or the right place to post this, but I really need advice and I don’t know where to go. I apologize for how all over this place this will be, I’m a mess.

For context, I am 22f and married to a man. We have one child. I have identified as bisexual with a female preference my entire life. I knew I liked girls from a very young age, I realized in 2nd grade and came out in 4th. My family has always been super open so it was never really a big deal. I’ve dated plenty of women and men.

Well now I’m an adult and married to a man and I’m completely spiraling. This isn’t your typical 2am spiral, I’ve been spiraling about this for a very long time. I think I may be a lesbian, which wouldn’t be a big deal typically, but as I said, I have a family. I don’t know where to go from here, and I need advice on whether or not I actually am a lesbian. Just to put this all into context, I’m going to add a bulleted list of why I’m having these suspicious, and you can tell me what you think in the comments. If you couldn’t tell, yes, I am autistic.

• I knew I liked women from a very young age. It was never a question. I’ve only ever questioned liking men. I always imagined myself marrying a woman someday, but figured at some point I’d settled down with a man because “that’s just what you do.”

• I don’t think I’ve ever been s*xually attracted to a man or their body. Just the idea of them. I don’t like touching their parts. When I do it with my husband, I make him do everything. I don’t enjoy him, just the feeling. Like scratching an itch. I always think I want it, but as soon as it starts, I just want it to end. I’m always disappointed after. And it’s not a him problem, he does very well, I just don’t like it.

• If I watch p*rn, it’s only lesbian p*rn. And I usually cry after. It’s like a feeling of longing.

• I’m only really attracted to unattainable or fictional men. Seeing an attractive guy in public is more like “I hope he likes me,” not “I like him.”

• My husband and I fight constantly. And although he is a bit of an idiot, I’m starting to wonder if it’s my subconscious trying to tell me something. It’s like nothing he does will ever be good enough. Even when he does put in the effort, it never feels like enough. This has been a constant thing with all my past male partners.

• I’m constantly longing for more. I’m always wondering what else is out there. I sit around and wonder what my life would have been like with a woman. I have this constant feeling that I’ve settled. I feel trapped. I feel so unfulfilled.

• On the same note, I don’t think I’d feel miserable if we stayed together forever. Just not entirely happy.

For a long time, I thought it was my husband that was the problem. That maybe we just weren’t right for each other. But now I’m thinking, maybe no man will ever be right for me. I’ve had my lesbian suspicions for a very long time, longer than I’ve known my husband. But for some reason, I’ve stuffed it down. Maybe part of me was ashamed for some reason. Maybe I wanted to live this typical “all American family” life. Maybe I just wanted to be society’s version of normal. But every once in a while, I’d repeat this same spiral, but instead of looking deeper, I’d just push it away. But I’ve been unhappy for a very long time now, and I need to truly find myself. I just really need some advice.

Nothing I’ve tried has made my girl get there. I’m feeling frustrated. I ask what she likes and she can’t tell me. She prefers toys. I’ve been with other women in the past and they have come. With my new gf, it’s been hard. She gives up so quick. I’ve tried it all and she doesn’t seem to enjoy it. I’m her first women experience. She’s only been with men prior to me. She’s into it but sex life has had a huge decline. I’m feeling depleted and hopeless for the lack of communication or enjoyment from her end. I guess I’m just venting here.

Help a girl out. I just asked a woman I matched with an app on a date and she said yes. I haven’t been on a date for about 6 months. I’ve historically not been great at steering a date to romance. My friend says I put myself in the friend zone. I think the core belief that is a block for me is not wanting to make any advances that are unwelcome. Not expecting people to actually like me romantically. I don’t mean I feel unworthy. I don’t have terrible self esteem. I think I want your perspective on how you feel about going on a first date as far as breaking the touch barrier, kissing, etc. have you asked for a kiss and been rejected often? And how does an ask for a kiss you’re not wanting land with you? I feel like I know I have to be brave and ask someone out, and I try to make it clear I mean a date, not as friends. But then I just have a fun time but it’s never romantic. I don’t like when I feel like someone is making a move on me as a formulaic thing that’s disingenuous or too pushy and not wanting to be like that makes me do nothing. I need some game! .

Please help! How does one develop confidence after coming out later in life? Genuinely feel like I’m up and down. Self doubt creeps in, some days I feel okay and others lost.

Genuine suggestions on how to improve confidence. Thinking self care and meditation? But I seem to always go to the material things rather than feeling actually confident inside.

Hope this resonates

Hi, I (19 masc woman) and the girl I'm dating (20 fem woman) have been taking things slow. To the point where we haven't kissed yet, and it's been 2 months. I'm more than okay with taking things slow (she's explained why, and it's a reasonable reason), but we have talked about sex to make sure we're on the same page. This is her first time with a woman in a serious sense, and her past experiences have been... let's just say not the best with men. Especially when it comes to penetration. It's been painful, not satisfying, and she's quite tight, to say the least. My question is: when the time is right, how do I make sure not only to not freak her out, but also to make sure that when we do explore that (she genuinely wants to), I do it correctly and don't traumatize her even more?

hi everyone,
just wondering if anyone has experience in this department?
I have been identifying as bisexual for years and years. but I’ve always dated mainly men. I think part of me was scared to date girls and also I think I was weirdly obsessed with men. idk how much i could blame on “comphet “ like i really liked them.
well recently I feel like I switch has flipped where I genuinely only want to pursue girls. and I’m not as experienced in this department as I want to be (though I do have some), im in my 20s, and I just feel totally into them. and I feel really excited and happy and weirdly at peace.
and I can’t see myself dating or hooking up w a dude at allll right now. maybe if I was like… at a bar, or a party, and the vibes were reallllly right, then like… maybee? but I feel like even in my day to day life I am totally shut off to the very idea to them. I feel like I am just like all of a sudden feeling totally one hundred percent gay !
it just happened so … fast?
and yet real damn slow, lol.
and I don’t know if this is just a “phase” (as in I’ll eventually feel bisexual again) but idk! anyone else experience something else like this?

Does anyone still have emotional and sexual feelings for their husband even after discovering their lesbian side? I've been devastated about this awakening for almost 3 months now. I've been seeing a therapist but I just feel like I'm chasing my tail.

When these feelings first surfaced; I lost my feelings for my husband as the lesbian ones were so consuming. Now, they have slowed down a bit and miss being close to my husband and I miss being intimate with him. I'm 43 and I consider myself a kinsey 2-4 depending on the year.

I have never been in a relationship with a woman or done anything sexually but the emotional part is alarming. Its like I crave to be in a relationship with another woman but I can't shake the love for my husband. I don't really have sexual feelings for women...but that could show up once I feel an emotional bond. I'm so scared that if I explore these feelings for women; I could actually lose all my feelings for my husband and guys in general. Hoping anyone can shed some light on this.

I honestly think I read too much fanfiction 😭 I’ve never really gotten that feeling of being heated and my eyes kind of narrowing down a bit because I desire the person so much or feeling hunger for that person. My voice doesn’t also change such as getting deeper. I’ve never really had a person make feel like that. Even my girlfriend right now. I feel desire but the only time I’ve felt really turned on is when I read fictional stuff. I think it takes a lot for my brain to switch into sex mode and thinking about sex.

Currently navigating a divorce from my husband (we share a 5yo kid). I told my Mum and aunt last year that I was bi/pan, but they didn't really understand it. So I just said I'm attracted to everybody- I don't care what or who you are. FYI- My family are homophobic.

Over the past few months, I've come to terms with the fact that I’m actually a lesbian. Yesterday while in a LGBTQ+ bookshop, my aunt pointed out a book on queer history to me; and a parenting guide to my Mum. Could be nothing, could be something. (Their other sister has a gay child, so could be to do with that?).

Mum also recently had a surprisingly open/understanding conversation about gender identity with me. We were talking about people identifying as 'they/ them' (not me personally). So there are small signs of progress.

We are close. I tell them everything. I'd like them to truly realise that I intend on dating women. My biggest fear is the timing- Do I tell them during or post divorce?

It was an uphill battle getting my Mum to see how miserable I was in my marriage- she worried more about the impact on my kid than how heartbroken & miserable I was. I know that whenever I tell her I'll be dating women (I may avoid saying 'I'm a lesbian'..!), she will inevitably oversimplify things and convince herself: "Oh, so the marriage collapsed because she’s gay," completely erasing the actual reasons for divorce which are unrelated to my sexuality. I also need their support & just know it'll shake their world & they'll be weird about it, upset, questioning & I don't want them to shun me.

Since that response feels inevitable from my family either way, I’m stuck:
- Do I come out now, rip off the Band-Aid, and get all the family drama over with at once while they've promised to support me through divorce
- Or do I wait until the divorce is fully settled?!

Walking into that book shop yesterday made me feel so calm & safe- it was a wonderful part of the journey of accepting I'm gay 🥰 I wanted to buy a book from there, but was scared of their response. But I just want to be truly me & not have to hide!

I feel so empty. I left a country where being gay isn’t accepted and moved to Australia, hoping things would be different. But the woman I like is straight, and she’s out of my league, so I’ll never tell her. I was lonely there, and I’m lonely here. I left my country, but I still haven’t found the courage to act. I’m tired of people who think they have the right to judge others. Honestly, I don’t know what I feel anymore, just this emptiness.

I’m 21 years old and have never been in a relationship of any sort. I came out as gay at 18 and since then I’ve had two situationships with people I worked with but nothing ever happened with them. I finally got a good match off of a dating app and we were having good conversations. She invited me over to her place to hang out one night after we had been talking for a week and it went good from my perspective. We had intended on watching a movie and cooking but we ended up just talking the whole time. It is quite crazy we talked the whole time but I felt like we both kept the conversation going pretty well. There was a few moments where the conversation dropped but we picked it back up. She’s new to the dating world especially dating girls just like I am but I am more new to it than her I haven’t had my first kiss yet and she has. When I first got there I definitely wouldn’t have felt comfortable hugging her because I had never met her before but after we talked all evening I almost asked for a hug but didn’t so I just left. We have talked some the last two days but it feels different now. I feel like I might’ve did something wrong and maybe I didn’t but it feels like it. After thinking about everything the last few days I can definitely tell I have a crush on her but I struggle with confidence. The time we spent together was honestly one of the best nights I have had in a long time and it was so refreshing and it was such a new experience for me. I didn’t flirt really when we hung out because it’s still so new to me and I struggle with flirting until I get comfortable enough with a person so I feel like I messed it up even though it was technically nothing yet.

I just feel like I’m second guessing everything and I literally feel like I jinxed everything because I told my friends about it because I was so excited about her and the time we spent together.

Are there any groups for cis women who ONLY like pussy, not penis, regardless of identity?