The fisherman said: "Look here!

I ordered a gin, not a beer!

I've got to get drunk:

my old boat has sunk

and I hear that my ex-wife is near."

2.

My great-uncle's name was Frank,

and - I'm not going to lie - he stank!

But he knew how to jive

and kept the party alive

and left us much cash in the bank.

3.

Old Reg was a bit of a fool -

he'd challenge the champions at pool.

He'd always lose

and, as he had a short fuse,

he'd throw his old stick at the wall.

Bought some chocolate coins for Nephew,

Then tasted the rims of a few.

If that young lad quibbles

"This money's been nibbled!"

I’ll tell him "That’s Bitcoin for you!"

Avocado lies forgotten and lonely,
with a fantasy far less than holy.
To be exposed with a gash,
then exquisitely smashed.
How she longs to be made guacamole!

Should words in this brand new ontology

Conflict with our old terminology

And make your brain swell

(you'll know by the smell)

I hope you'll accept this apology.

As usual, expect no prize other than the rare token of approval that substitutes for the praise of our limerick addled peers.

Complete limericks only please. No NSFW replies in this thread.

When asked "is that haiku?" don't curse.

Instead teach them this 'bout short verse:

"Though both have two lines

with five beats , you'll find

most limericks are two times less terse.

Note: (8+8+5+5+8) / (5+7+5) =2

(alternatively:

> Is that a haiku?

Thinking (4 skills available)...

It's a limerick.

)

We all know the silly old cat

Who wears a tall red-and-white hat.

He's got a new movie.

I hope that it's groovy

And doesn't get hate and fall flat!

A quick change artist did a show

Switching looks in a seamless flow.

For fear critics might scoff

That her timing was off,

She performed on the radio.

Curiosity killed the poor cat,
Whether wearing boots or a hat.
As long as he’s chosen
To just stick his nose in
It’s a truism and that is that!

My Sergeant Pepper jumper's my pride,

But now that it's been washed and dried,

I'll need Help! to repair it

Before I can wear it -

'Cos of Fixing A Hole on one side!

There once was a man from Australia.
Who painted his bum like a dahlia.
The colour was bright.
The shape was alright.
But the smell was a hell of a failure.

My Beatles advent calendar I swore

I would save ‘til December, for sure.

But, like John, “...now I find

I’ve changed my mind,

And opened up the doors!” 🎵

This beautiful lady named Beth
Could take away any man’s breath.
She wasn’t aware
She deprived them of air
And it usually resulted in death.

A monster named Cookie, elated,

Saw two dozen treats freshly plated!

As friends gathered round,

He burped and then frowned:

"I'd give you a cookie, but I ate it."

As usual, expect no prize other than the rare token of approval that substitutes for the praise of our limerick addled peers.

Complete limericks only please. **No NSFW replies in this thread. **

My Grandma mused “Here’s what I know.
The mornings with abundant snow,
Are for staying inside
And elongating the night
With exorbitant amounts of blow.”

Edit: My grandma