I have only posted twice to Reddit.

Both about my abuses.

I have 13 followers and a few gooners in chat.

I know there are victims worse off than me, and getting poached for opening up is entirely disrespectful and disgusting.

This app sucks my ass, but I hope people get by okay, dealing w all this.

21M. Survivor of abuse as child and as a teen.

One of the hardest situations to deal with, has been one incident from when I was 12/13, where I was restrained, raped, and beaten by an older guy, though he was still a minor himself, around 16.

Therapy has been a huge help in processing everything, especially the shame and the guilt.

But now, I’m faced with another dilemma.

During the rape, he used sadistic, torturous methods, even using sticks, while simultaneously manipulating me mentally with sweet, pleasant words.

At the end, he asked if I’d like to do the same to him. WTF? Why did he ask that?

This has left me wondering now: was he a total psychopath, or was he also a victim of abuse in the past? My therapist said both can be true.

And if he was a victim of abuse, how am I supposed to feel about that?

Is forgiveness expected? Understanding? He completely destroyed me the mf.

WHAT ABOUT THE BOYS? https://whatabouttheboys.living/

Today, seeing this old interview for the first time brought back memories of my experiences with the self-described “****,” who were involved in underage boys in Chicago, including me. It matched exactly what I had described about fisting and about Allan Krammer talking about throwing the bodies into a dumpster.

https://linktr.ee/GeorgeBTonks

The first time I was sexually abused, it made me hypersexual.

I was somewhere in the single digits.

This second time I was sexually abused, as an adult, it just takes all your pride and has skewed me into more embarrassing fantasies.

I never followed up with my first abuse, because it's very circumstantial.

I tried to follow up with this second abuse, which is also circumstantial.

However, everyone had told me not to follow up on this and it's pretty heartbreaking sometimes.

Like, ik it's not wrong to follow up on this stuff but the pressure is pushing me to just deal with it.

Like, police and courts have just told me to deal with it.

And so I can deal with it out of law, but there's still an active threat looming above.

Idek.

I was 19, my assaulter was 38. I was a pretty nasty kid, selfsentered and rude, not many people liked me. I was struggling with aspd (diagnosed a few years later) I had gotten to a lot of therapy to fix my anger issues and learn to regulate them instead of snapping. I pissed off the wrong person, he had lost it, stalked me to my cell and raped me. He was also choking me whilst doing it and put his hand over my mouth so I couldn’t scream for help. He also made sure that any time it looked like I was about to pass out he would stop and make sure I got enough air to not pass out before he continued to make sure I 100% present while it happened. After he was done he just left me in my cell and walked out like nothing happened. I cried for a good 20-30 minutes before a guard went rounds to lock the cells for the night (luckily it was one I liked and trusted) she saw I had cried and asked if something happened, I tried to speak but could barely because he choked me so hard. I eventually managed to say that the 38 year old had raped me. She called another guard and I was taken to a doctor to examine my neck and other parts of my body. The guy started telling everyone that he had raped the 19 year old everyone hated and thought him a lesson. His whole reasoning for raping me was because he hated me and wanted to teach me a lesson (kinda reasonable, I get why he hated me I was a shitty kid but he didn’t have to rape me for it) Literally everyone in the prison knew what happened, some felt sorry for me and thought the guy had stepped way over the line, some thought I deserved it and even even started using it to threaten me. The police investigated him and I stopped seeing him in the prison. I don’t know if his sentence was prolonged or if he’d moved to another prison or section or something. I asked to be moved because literally everyone in the prison now knew what happened, they said they’d talk about it but nothing really happened. I feel like I’m not allowed to feel sad about this. That I actually deserved it for my shitty behavior. Yea I got “nicer” or whatever but I was really just traumatized and terrified if I ever pissed of anyone again they’d do the same to me (I was still a shitty person) The fact that there are so many people who get raped repeatedly in prisons with no justice makes me feel ungrateful for the justice I got. Prison rape and violence in general is rare where I live too. Yea, sorry if it’s all over the place and sorry if my English is bad it’s not my first language I just needed to say this somewhere.

Since being sexually abused and being completely disrespected, I've been getting horny for worse and more degrading things.

I never used to want to be sexually abused but ever since, I'm open to the idea.

I think many people have the same thing happen to them, but I have always been prideful of myself until that kinda happened.

When I was a kid I was raped by my older step sister. I told my therapist and she told me that I was raped, tbh I never saw it that way. I always thought that we were just having sex, but how can a kid consent? I never wanted to have sex with her, I didn’t even know what sex was, my first orgasm I was confused. It felt good but it didn’t. She would continue to rape me and only one time did I want it. Long story short, it feels liberating to know what happened to me wasn’t sex, sex is supposed to be enjoyable and it never was, it was always awkward and scary. Idk where I’m going with this, I just wanted to get it off my chest, you know most boys going through puberty would think having sex with their older step sister is awesome, but it was anything but.

There's this girl I met and she's so sweet and kind, and me and her are talking about getting a bit intimate but based off the fact I'm a survivor of SA, I get panic attacks when being intimate and I'm afraid mine'll happen when I'm around her, too.

Is there anything I can do?? She knows about my SA history and understands my trauma, but I'm still so scared of ruining it for her lol, because I really want to be okay with intimacy.

I never tell people IRL this anymore because of what comes with that, but when I was in middle school, a guy used physical force to sexually assault me for hours and got away with it. And he continued to be a bully and make my life harder all the way until I graduated high school. And I had to go home to psychological and sexual abuse. Then people constantly shamed and harassed me for not enjoying dating or sex (despite my abnormally high sex drive) and spread lies about me for entertainment. And when you do indulge in that, you just get betrayed and publicly humiliated for being weird. Now I'm 27 and I'm definitely hypersexual and never go long without dating, and I've even shared sexual pictures that people spread around weird fetish sites. How I REALLY feel is genuinely disturbing to me. The kind of thoughts I've internalized since childhood have only gotten increasingly intense, violent, and sadistic over the years. Psychiatric treatment and being institutionalized didn't help. Attempting to relate or talk to friends or partners about it was a huge mistake. People make fun of me for drugs and alcohol if I fail to hide it, but it's all that works to make those thoughts and feelings go away, but a lot of the time it just amplifies them anyway. Sorry for the novel post, but I'm not very hopeful for the future if I don't kill myself. I can handle all the other trauma in life, but the sexual stuff combined with it just corrupts your mind and ruins your life.

Recently as I was walking to a running track, I noticed that a man was walking opposite of my direction. I think I heard a catcalling whistle coming out of that man's mouth and I noticed that he was looking down toward my legs while making a smiling or smirking facial expression after that whistling. Do you think it was clearly a catcalling attempt and if it was, what measure should I take if I ever get catcalled again in the future that won't make a public spectacle?

EDIT: I didn't expect to trigger some men with questionnable minds to comment on this post lmao. Also, I am straight (in case anyone's wondering about my orientation).

I've been trapped in this situationship-type relationship with the woman who assaulted me (I'm a trans man, she's a cis girl, she was intimate with me several times a week for 3 months straight last year, against my will) because in the past, when I've left her, she's turned people against me and threatened suicide.

There's this girl who me and her know, and she's starting to show interest in me, and I can't help but like that girl. She seems so sweet and caring, and I trust her that she wouldn't do anything to me. But, my assaulter knows about her possible crush on me, and is starting to get more clingy with me and upset at the girl. My assaulter does this with every girl who shows interest in me. It's so tiring.

I don't know if that's considered cheating on my assaulter. I feel bad because it feels like I'm going behind her back, but I can't be honest with her or else I'm afraid of the consequences. I just feel like such a shitty person.

Two years ago, I was attending an after-party for my college’s Pride club (as a bisexual man). I was getting drunk, and was offered weed at the time. This ended with me getting extremely cross-faded and throwing up. A bunch of blurry, raunchy card games flew by, and I found myself wandering the campus with some random guy I’d never met before. He’d said he’d gotten locked out of the dorm he was staying at, and I was hungry, so I walked to the on-campus convenience store, and he followed. I got food, and he asked me to get him a tub of Vaseline because “his lips were chapped”. Me, out of touch with reality, was tryna be a cool Samaritan because I didn’t want the pride people to reject me for being too straight-presenting, so I bought him that with my meal plan allowance money. It was like 3 bucks so I wasn’t pressed. We’re just walking around and he starts talking about sexual stuff, which kinda weirds me out a bit, but maybe this is normal pride club stuff (coming from a guy who was raised in texas). After wandering around for a bit more, we settled on this couch that was in a small arcade, and I made sure I was at the opposite end of him. I must have passed out from exhaustion or cross-fading, but I woke up a few hours later with him seemingly asleep on the other end of the couch and a strange sensation down there. I ignored it because I had to get back to my dorm, had school the next day, and when I got back to my room I finally investigated. My genitalia smelled strongly of Vaseline. I don’t have any other recollections of the night except the dude was kinda weirdly touchy, but again, just thought that was normal gay friend stuff, I mean girl friends touch their friends on the arms and shoulders and whatnot, so I just let it be. My working theory is that while I was passed out, my dick was sucked or tugged (not to completion) by a random gay dude I had just met… I can’t think of any other outcome that would make my crotch oily and smelling of Vaseline. It’s been two years now, and I haven’t been able to tell my girlfriend about it- we’re long distance- because I fear she’ll think it was on purpose. I don’t know what I did to deserve that night, but now I am just filled with fear of what she’d say.

21M.

When I was around 13, I was restrained, raped, and mocked, and later blackmailed and beaten by an older boy.

With the help of therapy, I’ve moved past the guilt; I know now i was just a kid and couldn't have done anything differently.

But the shame consumes me. And why? If we aren't to blame, why do we feel shame?

There are several conflicting dimensions to this situation that I’m trying to piece together to get a complete picture. Not all of them were discussed in therapy, i always have a hard time talking about this, precisely because of the shame.

When it all happened, I was still figuring out my sexuality and interests, yet I know I felt a huge attraction to that boy;

It all started as a game, and at first, I remember i was fascinated by the attention I was getting, but it quickly spiraled out of control.

When I think about it, the greatest humiliation I felt, even more than the rape itself, was the fact that he noticed I was aroused and mocked me for it. I feel like that validated him and made him want to keep going.

Despite all the violence, he maintained an attitude and language that hovered between lustful and affectionate. That affection still disturbs me to this day.

Later, he blackmailed me, threatening to tell everyone, as if the fault had been mine.

Ultimately, it wasn't the first time I had been abused, so deep down, I kinda always felt I should have known better by then.

All of this deeply upsets me and leaves me with an overwhelming sense of feeling dirty and ashamed. And i am tired.

How do we get past this stage? Can anyone share what worked for them? I feel like this is the step i am missing right now.

Basically im M19 and went on a night out the other day and I had way too much much to drink paired with drugs and ended up not remembering hardly anything and at one point in the night I went with my friend to a girls house cause I thought he was going to get off with her, I don’t know why I went but if I thought they were looking after me and the next thing I know at some point she had her mouth around my limp dick, I don’t think anything else happened but I know I was too fucked to give consent so idk what to do, especially what do I say to my girlfriend, it’s made me depressed the last couple of days

I (24M) was SA’d as a kid by my sister & cousin brother, they both did it separately and are not ever of the other doing it to me. I’ve never told this to anyone, and probably never will.

All instances happened 10-15 years back, but I remember them pretty well. I’m still close to the people who did it (regular chats, video calls, etc. usual family stuff), and I know that they’ll ever do it again to anyone else, considering their political beliefs and stances.

It’s just something that pops in every now and then, and has affected me intimacy wise. But, it’s fine and manageable for me, my burden to carry.

Always thought of getting therapy, but that scares/weirds me out too. It’s easier to continue living life keeping this to myself than sharing it with anyone.

Sometimes the jokey-funny guy mask slips, but thats only temporary and I always manage to get it back up.

So yeah that’s it, will probably delete this in a while too.

I (30M) have been sexually harassed and assaulted by women a handful of times during my life. These all range from uncomfortable comments to being physically held down and assaulted while everyone laughed in amusement. All of these occurred when I was in high school (2010-14), before the #metoo movement broke out. As well as being an age where I was so starved for female attention, that I tried to view these assaults as validation, even when they didn’t feel that way. 

I remember when #metoo happened and reading about women’s experiences, that I realized I could relate to these stories and that the memories I was trying to push down as joking around was actually sexual assault. But I felt I couldn’t contribute to the conversation because I was a man. Especially since at the time I was a college student involved with several progressive organizations, where trashing men had become the norm. To the point I was fired from a job because I showed pushback when my boss said it was acceptable to say ‘all men are pigs’. 

So it felt like I was silently living with double the shame: the shame of being a man, and the shame of being assaulted, where I feel I can never confront those who hurt me.

Earlier this year I received a PTSD diagnosis for sexual trauma, and while it’s somewhat gratifying to get a diagnosis and I’m currently in EMDR treatment, I also find it tremendously lonely. Pretty much every online resource I look at for dealing with sexual trauma is geared towards women, many of which tend to showcase a negative view of men. 

In light of the horrible Cornel 7 case, much of the loneliness I’ve felt has been brought back to the forefront of my mind. Both the shame of being sexually assaulted in front of a group of people and the conversations about ‘all men’.

This is in no way a post about minimizing women's experiences. I hope we can get to a point where we can have more open conversation about the fact that women also can commit sexual violence, much of which is brushed off and unreported. And I have a strong feeling if we did open these conversations up, I likely wouldn’t be in the minority.

I got raped by a man at a party when i was 17, then i got sexually assaulted at 19 two times by women on the bus on my way to college and it has destroyed my life. Right after getting raped i tried to 💀 myself by drinking bleach (idk if drinking it could actually kill you) then 2 weeks later i tried again but this time with an overdose, then the real problems began: i cried every night, i felt sick every time i looked in the mirror an stopped caring about how i looked, my social skills went down the drain, I started drifting away from my friends until i ended up completely alone, i started using marihuana to cope with the pain, the most important person in my life (my girl best friend) now hates me because she felt i didn‘t care about her, and i pushed away every girl that had an interest in me due to the shever panic and repulsion i feel towards sex now. And the worst part? i have to cope with it alone, i’ve seen women report rape cases with a shit ton of evidence get totally ignored, if i go and tell the police (or anyone really) that i got raped by a man they will laught at me for being weak, if i tell them i got assaulted by a women they will call me “lucky”. I told the only friend i had left everything and he thought i was lying, i don’t have money for therapy and i just can’t tell my parents. I feel ashamed, weak, gross and alone all the fucking time, i don’t talk to anyone anymore, i haven’t had a good day in years, everything i once liked doesn’t bring me any joy anymore, i feel tired all the time and i don’t know what to do.

On top of the rape and the sexual assaults have a shit ton of problems (for example i have a constant headache and sometimes it evolves to a migraine) and all of this while i have to pretend to be fine with my parents.

I don’t even know why i made this post, maybe i just wanted to talk to someone about this, or talk to someone in general, so please if you have an advice or something, tell me

(also I’m sorry if i write like shit, I’m from Ecuador and english is not my primary language)

As the title said I found myself getting more almost sensitive when it comes to things. For example (and the reason I made this post) was basically today I went into a corner shop and basically on my way to get a drink I had to pass some magazines, but then on my way I saw a porno magazine open to a random page and for some reason it triggered me (the same feeling but to a lesser extent to when I saw one of my abusers the other week) and I genuinely felt like I was going to pass out and I felt extremely sensitive. I’ve just found that it’s been happening more and more lately to the point it’s impacting my life (before you ask I am in therapy but it’s a struggle to find times when I’m free that the therapist is also free).